We Once Were Weak
by PancattheVSCO
Summary: All of their lives had broken apart after the Winter War, but they might have found a fix- a blue-haired gem, the frailest among them. But how can she help them when she could never be fixed herself? Will they be made whole again or simply tear her apart in the process?
1. Preface: Welcome to my World

Ok, so I have been out of the fanfic game for a long time, but I have been toying with a story for the past year or so after re-watching my favorite series for the thousandth time. Being that my story is taking place so long after the Winter War, I wanted to do a spelled-out update of the major players in both the main story and my story. Of course, the normal disclaimer that I don't own any of this stuff or these people, except my OC. I won't being doing a ton on the original main players, but they do cameo so hopefully this info will help keep the story straight. I'm going ahead and rating this story an M because of language, violence, maybe lemons… we will see how it goes, but better safe than sorry.

Like I said, I'm out of practice writing, so I'm kind of nervous. Please comment and let me know what you think, any tips or editing suggestions, etc. I would really appreciate it!

**Roughly 7 years after the winter war, no split stories or after events. **

**At this point:**

Kurasaki Ichigo: Ichigo is finishing medical school at Osaka Medical College. He has been gone, barely visiting home for the past 5 years, but still has aspirations of running his family clinic, even if he doesn't relish the location. He avoids Karakura town, feeling like all is lost there and that even his friends would look at him differently. He failed at every try to get his powers (or at least sight of the Shinigami) back throughout his high school years. He abandoned the dream, and his home and friends, when he left for school.

Ishida Uryu: Graduating early from Fukuoka University on island of Kyushu- a small school and far removed- Ishida came home with a medical and business degree. Determined and idealistic, he has taken over some of the new operations at his family's Karakura hospital in Karakura Town He specializes in research and treating rare diseases, knowing that if the hospital can't get bigger, it must get better in order to procure the funding needed to run it. He has been back for 2 years and will still don his Quincy uniform and carry on his work against hollows when needed. Still hopelessly in love with Inoue, he focuses mostly on his work and her.

Inoue Orihime: After Ishida finally told her his feelings for her, they had a high school romance that ended when Ishida left for college. Inoue stayed and attended the local Karakura College, specializing in nursing. She began working at the hospital as a nurse about a year ago. Her and Ishida's relationship seems to be rekindling slowly as they work together in the hospital. She stays out of fights with hollows, or anyone for that matter, but will covertly use her healing on what seem like hopeless cases, under the watchful and hopeful eye of Ishida, in hopes of helping the desperate as well as aiding the hospital in its growth.

Yasutora Sado: Mildly famous, Sado paid his way through the local college by being a popular MMA fighter. He ended his career after 3 short but undefeated years to focus on school, having made enough money to fund a modest life if he wanted. Sado owns a small building company named Abuelo's. He rarely sees the rest of the group but will occasionally have coffee when Inoue invites him and fight the random hollows that pop up with Ishida when Renji, as guardian, doesn't eliminate them first.

Kuchiki Rukia: A woman obsessed, Rukia has never in 7 years left Ichigo's side, though he doesn't know it. She has given up her place in Soul Society after they were unable to help Ichigo, or unwilling in her mind. She seems unrecognizable, lost to her own fanaticism and love of Ichigo. Her brother has quietly left her access to his home in Soul Society open since she would not be allowed in after going AWOL on her duties. She has never come back through the gate.

Abarai Renji: Renji returned to his tutelage under Kuchiki Byakuya but his heart was no longer in it. Finally admitting his love for Rukia to himself seals the deal and he relinquished his title of Lieutenant of Division 6 to become the sole Shinigami protector assigned to Karakura Town. He attempted to aid Rukia, but when her love of Ichigo is revealed and she turns on him due to his inability to help, he realizes that there is no hope for him. Growing angrier and more despondent every day, Renji relegates himself to wasting away as the gaurdian of Karakura Town, avoiding Soul Society and any memories of her there. Byakuya, however, did not revoke Renji's access to his personal gate, with the clause that if he ever used it, it would be an immediate reassignment to come back as his lieutenant.

Hisagi Shuhei: While still driven by fear of his killer nature and zanpakto, Shuhei has a singular driving goal of growth and self-control. His strenuous training has paid off as he became captain of the 9th division 3 years prior. Soft spoken and isolated, even Matsumoto has a hard time breaking his concentration. While never one to have close friends, his closest was Renji who has been absent for the better part of 6 years. He is loathe to admit the "weakness" he feels in his isolation and throws himself into his Soul Society work and developing a rapport and training regimen with the newest addition to combat training- Grimmjow.

Grimmjow Jagerjaques: Captured after the Winter War, Grimmjow was treated as a prisoner for years and questioned extensively by Korotsuchi Mayuri on all things related to hollows, arrancar, Espada, and Hueco Mundo. After 4 years, he was released by the new captain, Hisagi Shuhei, and given a chance to funnel his aggression and prowess as a combat instructor. He detests what Soul Society stands for but doesn't mind Hisagi, as he recognizes the darkness in him is much like his own. He maintains his flippant attitude, enjoying scaring the new Shinigami and trying to rile Hisagi into a true battle, but enjoys his new work. While he plots a revenge in private, he is actually wary of acting out too much lest he lose his privileges and be subjected to torture or confinement again.

Mara Oliviera (OC): A 25 year old American woman racked by an incurable auto-immune disease, Mara has come to Karakura Town for an experimental treatment at the hospital there, led by a young but studious Dr. Uryu Ishida. She has been treated for 6 months with no change. Unremarkable in looks, as her body has been ravaged by disease, she is eye-catching with her large brown and gold eyes and galaxy colored hair. After a major downturn in her disease 5 years prior she has begun seeing ghosts and hollows and the clarity of what she sees increases everyday that she gets closer to death.

**Preface:**

Renji settled himself on the stone edge at the base of the fence next to the café overlooking the river. How many days had he done this now? Hundreds, surely. The breeze blew north, bringing an edge of humidity with it despite the darkness. The café lights were on inside, though the window shutters were still drawn, as the early shift prepared breakfast ingredients to fill orders. A small sliver of light fell across Renji's face and he closed his eyes, listening to the familiar sounds of the morning. The knife hitting the chopping block defined the cadence of the seconds as they ticked by, interspersed with the soft sound of the flowing water.

Slowly, the sounds grew. The woosh of the shutters as they lifted and low voices heralded the coming of morning as the earliest commuters swung through for coffee, tea, or breakfast for the road. Still, Renji sat, eyes shut, just listening. Then he heard the chirping of the birds that gathered at the waters edge. Sunrise.

Renji finally opened his eyes to see the light beginning to edge its way across the sky. He watched as the haze from the clouds blended with the receding blackness, waiting for his glimpse of heaven. And suddenly, there is was. The sky was painted lavender in the early morning light. The river took on the same hue, reflecting the lavender back up and around.

_It's like being submerged in her eyes… _Renji thought to himself. He allowed himself just as long as the lavender sunrise lasted to dwell on her and that was all. He told himself everyday that he would stop, yet everyday saw him coming back to the same spot to see the brief moment when the sky was like her eyes. _Rukia… if only you…_

Click-**Squeak-**click-**SQUEEEEAAAK**

Rengi sighed as the dissonance yanked him out of his reverie just as the last shades of purple left the sky. _Fuckin' great, she's back. Can she not get that damn thing fixed? _Turning his head from the now clear sky, Renji focused on the other color that had been plaguing his existence for the past six months. Blue.

Perhaps color is inadequate. The girl approaching shone like a sapphire in the sunlight as she approached, but upon closer inspection, her hair was really a mix of blues, greens, teals and blacks. Either way, it shone in on Renji's day like a big, bold… annoyance. He didn't know why the girl had begun coming to this café every morning, but he knew he didn't like it. She hadn't done anything wrong. She was quiet, except for that damn walker she pushed, and she didn't cause a fuss, except to ask for an umbrella to be put up at her table to protect her fair skin. No, it was something else…

Narrowing his eyes, Renji examined her closely. _Why does she need that stupid umbrella anyway? How pale do you need to be?_

Her blue hair, while remarkable, seemed to only accentuate the paleness of her skin and even her lips, bringing out the delicate blue veins under her eyes. Her eyes were large, perhaps overly so in her wan face, brought out even more by the fact that they were dark brown with even darker lashes. She was small, swallowed by the large black hoodie she wore every day. He could tell she was thin, too thin to be in good health, because of her slender hands and thin legs, wrapped in leggings, that she crossed on the chair as she sat. Gauging the height of the table and walker, Renji estimated that she was petite, perhaps only an inch or two taller than… Her.

_Don't go there, dumb ass!_ He chastised himself, trying to banish those purple eyes from his mind. He looked back at the girl (woman? He couldn't truly tell her age) just in time to see her taking off her glasses, rubbing her face, before casting her eyes to the pale morning sun over the river. He held back a gasp as he saw the gold reflected in them, shining even brighter than her hair. The sunlight reflected off her skin, making her appear carved from marble.

_It looks like someone made her out of precious gems. She would be beautiful if she weren't so obviously frail._

His annoyance returned as she turned from the sun to face him and he remembered why she irked him. She stared straight in his direction, a suspicious cast to her features as her eyes met his. That's why he didn't like her.

_It's almost like she can SEE me._


	2. Chapter 1: Everyday

So sorry for the initial post of this chapter guys. Apparently my copy in did some kind of code? IDK, but it should be all fixed up now. If I missed a spot, then please forgive me. Normal disclaimer: Don't own, here's to Tite Kubo, blah blah blah. I know this was a quick chapter turnaround for this one but I already had it written so why not. The next update may take a bit longer, but i wanted some real reading material up for some reviews. Please let me know what you think.  
_

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

"GOD make it STOP!"

"Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

""Ugh, fine. I'm comin'…", Mara muttered to the automated machines scattered around her bedroom as she slowly eased up, using her leg for leverage to sit. Taking off the oxygen tube that wrapped around to her nose, she rolled her head around to stretch her neck and shoulders, wincing at the myriad of small pops and cracks that accompanied the movement. Grabbing the handle of her ever-present walker, she hauled herself up and hobbled to the IV machine, hitting the button to turn off the incessant drone of its alarm.

Once the IV machine had ceased singing her the song of its people, she gingerly reached up and disconnected the tube attached the PICC line in her upper arm. After carefully taping down the tubes so they wouldn't snag on her clothing, she put on her glasses and looked at the clock.

_4:37. Go figure the overnight infusion doesn't actually last the night. You would think I would be used to it by now. It's been half a year._

Had it really been so long? It seemed like just yesterday that her neurologist at Duke had called her about coming in to meet with her and her care team. She had seemed so urgent. And so hopeful. Mara had immediately gotten her mom to drive the 2-hour distance so she could meet.

~~~~~

They had all sat around the table with her, her neurologist, osteologist, rheumatologist, and varied therapists, smiles plastered on their faces. She hadn't seen a single one of them smile with hope in so long…

"Mara!", her rheumatologist led off, "We have news about an experimental treatment coming out of Japan! It may just be a cure!"

She looked askance at her doctor, a clearly boisterous man in his fifties whom, she now believed, must live with rose-colored glasses permanently affixed to his face. "What do you mean a cure? We don't even fully know what I have. Its either something completely new or, like, 7 diseases layered into one. You can't cure something unknown, Doc."

The rheumatologist's smile never wavered as he opened his mouth to reply, only to be cut off by her neurologist. She was a highly respected doctor at only 40. Her kind but tired eyes betrayed the fact that being one of the best means you get worn down by stacks of hard and hopeless cases. "I understand your doubt, Mara."

_Do you now?_

"But the results of the trials in Japan are extremely promising. You are right, we don't know for sure what you have, but we know it is autoimmune. You have marks for everything from Myasthenia Gravis to Hashimoto's to MS! And this trial targets those affected by multiple autoimmune disorders and basically does a factory reset on the body's immune system. It's a hard treatment, akin to chemotherapy, but so far every person that has gone through the infusion cycle has improved, if not been… well… cured. No blood markers present anymore."

Mara's face must have betrayed how unconvinced she still was because her osteologist, a wizened old man only a few years from retirement jumped in next.

"My dear, I know it seems too good to hope for at this point, but even if it doesn't cure but helps some... then isn't it worth a shot? My- our- only goal is to help you. I would like for you to live past my retirement, child. You know as well as we do that that won't happen without something major. You need a miracle."

"And this may just be it!" her rheumatologist piped up.

Mara squeezed her mom's hand, needing the strength as she fought back tears in her eyes, hearing her future doom laid out so plainly. She new her prognosis wasn't good. After a massive myasthenic crisis 5 years ago, she new the countdown on her life had begun. She had never regained her full ability to breathe or walk since then and accrued more symptoms along the way, but that wasn't how she new the end was coming. Its because she had begun seeing Them.

The faded people with chains on their chests. At first, she thought it was a reaction to the drugs. Shadow people and all that from uppers, downers, and too little sleep. They would flicker just in her peripheral at first. A hint of movement that wasn't there when she looked. But slowly, oh so slowly, they came in more focused, more defined. She didn't know when she realized that they were actually dead or started seeing them in full but she did remember when she first saw the monsters.

It had been mid-Fall and her day of sitting at a restaurant and admiring leaves had been interrupted by an earth-shattering shriek. The ground seemed to quake with the force of the noise and the trees shook around her. The man with the chain had torn out of the woods like the devil himself was on his heels - and it was. The monster had a- a HOLE through it and left turned down trees in its wake before grabbing the man from the ground and shoving him into his mouth and disappearing.

Of course, she didn't tell her doctors any of that as it replayed through her head. The last thing she needed was a psych case added to her long list of ailments. But she knew, come hell or high water, that she did not want to be like that, chased by monsters and just a shadow with a chain.

Casting a glance at her mom, who waited patiently for an answer, she turned her eyes to her care team, "Okay. What do I have to do?"

_You just have to move to Japan, Mara. Learn the language, Mara. Take the meds, Mara. Ignore the writhing amounts of pain, Mara. Be alone as you suffer, Mara. Never sleep a full night, MARA._ She grumbled to herself as she turned off the oxygen, fan, and air purifier. She grabbed a stack of clothes and went back to the bed to sit to get dressed. With her limited movement and daily infusion schedule requiring access to the PICC line, her clothing had become as mundane as her schedule. Super stretchy black leggings, a loose sleeveless tunic, and her oversized black hoodie with sleeves long enough to cover the horrendous green, black and purple bruises on her wrists.

_Damn arterial sticks,_ she mumbled to herself as she ran her fingers over the tender skin. She remembered holding her mom's hand as she was told about moving to Karakura Town, living basically on her own in the boarding house. How mom held her hand and cried when she left. She wished her mom had been around to hold her hand yesterday when Dr. Ishida had delivered the news.

The treatment wasn't working.

This was not her miracle, apparently. Dr. Ishida had been sad, confused- and she could see his frustration in admitting his cure-all would, in fact, not cure all. Unwilling to admit defeat, however, he stated they were going to continue with her treatment for another 6 months. If it didn't work, however, then she would be sent home. He didn't bother adding that she was being sent home to die with her family. They both already knew that.

So, Mara just kept on going through the daily struggle. By the time she got dressed and ran a brush through her mid-length blue hair, she was already gasping and needing to rest.

_Keep up with exercise, Mara. Yeah, well, screw you._

The last stop on the way out of her room in the boarding house was at the door where a full-length mirror was mounted. It seemed to her a cruel joke; she had to look at the mirror to leave the room and face the emaciated shell that she had become. Once upon a time, she had been strong and active and… pretty. It seemed so long ago that she ran races for charities, could strut in heels like a model, or throw an opponent over her shoulder in jiu-jitsu training. Now, she just seemed frail and thin and gaunt. Weak.

_Maybe the worry of being a faded ghost isn't that far away. I practically am one already._

She shook her head at herself, seeing her hair bob around her face, which drew a small smile. She carried a hair tie in her pocket for when the wind picked up but preferred her hair down now. She had dyed it 2 days after coming to Karakura Town, after Dr. Ishida told her that the chemo-ish drug could cause hair loss. Why not if it was going to fall out anyway? When she didn't lose her beautiful hair, modeled after the colors of a galaxy, she saw it as a success. She was winning. Turns out, that should have been the first hint the drugs weren't working.

Her smile fading, Mara left the room and worked her way to the sitting room and kitchen. She could hear Mrs. Yamaya -the owner- humming an old tune to herself as she prepped breakfast for the boarders. Mara pushed her walker into the room, cursing the messed-up wheel for disturbing the silence, and sat on the seat in it to wait. The familiar scent of burning incense drew her eyes to the miniature shrine set up in the common room on which pictures of a young man and a young Mrs. Yamaya smiled happily out. If only Mrs. Yamaya knew that Mr. Yamaya wasn't as gone as she believed.

She looked to the kitchen to see the faded old man that waited off to the side. You couldn't see the severed chain from this angle but it was there. He was, as far as Mara knew, the only ghost in Karakura Town, though she was unsure as to why the town seemed devoid of the supernatural when her own hometown had seemed overrun. He lingered near his wife, with a small smile, followed her movements with a look of devotion. When he noticed Mara in the sitting area, he moved towards her and settled on the cushion at the foot of his alter, studying her forlorn expression.

Mr. Yamaya was not a man to speak much, if at all. He simply waited for her to talk to him if there was going to be any conversation that day. Mara couldn't help the sudden urge to question him now that death was imminent and forward in her mind. She took in his kindly face, wondering what he had done to get stuck here as a shadow of himself.

"Yamaya-Sama… why are you still here? Do we not go anywhere when we die?" she asked in barely a whisper so as not to let Mrs. Yamaya hear her.

Mr. Yamaya did not answer immediately, turning instead to gaze at his wife as she worked. After a long moment, he turned back to Mara and replied, "There is a place we go after death, but I have chosen not to go."

"But why?" Mara pleaded, "And where? What is it like?"

"I choose to wait. For her. Much of what is to come is still a mystery, but we will face it together." Mr. Yamaya then floated up from the cushion and back to the corner of the kitchen to watch his wife.

_That was sweet. But utterly unhelpful._

Mara's head jerked up as Mrs. Yamaya padded over the traditional tatami floor with barely a whisper of sound and handed her a sealed bento box along with the bowl of rice and tomago. She looked questioningly at the kindly old lady.

"You are too thin Mara-chan. You do not eat when you are too tired after coming home from your infusions. This you can eat right there after."

The sweet gesture made Mara threaten waterworks again. It had been so long since someone had cared for her, or even cared. "Thank you, Yamaya-Misesu. This means so much."

The old woman placed her hand comfortingly on her shoulder. "Do not worry, child, better days will come."

The thunderclouds in Mara's mind began to roll again, shrouding her expression in sorrow. _There is nothing to come._

"The walk to the café was a short one, but beautiful in the dawn light. She came the first time because she was anxious to not be late for her first appointment, but still desperately needed coffee. Being limited in mobility, there were only a couple of places close that were still near enough to the street to catch the bus. When she walked this path the first time and saw the dawn break over the river, she had literally halted in her tracks. The purple hue was breathtaking, and surely so rare… It sealed the deal that she would make this her café. A slice of home away from home to frequent every morning, just like her corner coffee shop in North Carolina.

Mara cast her eyes down, realizing that she would probably never get to curl up in her favorite booth again there. Dark thoughts swirled as she walked, almost drowning out the beautiful edge of sunlight that made this walk so special. She was only yanked out from her morbid musings by the loud clamor of her walker, the wheel twisted the wrong way again.

Click-**Squeak**-click-**SQUEEEEAAAK**

Mara pushed the walker, which was limping as bad as she by this point, next to her spot alone at the usual table. She had been planning to replace it but, what was the point now, really? Everyone had looked up at her very loud entrance and so she motioned upward to the waiter, indicating her umbrella. He smiled and went to go get it for her.

Mara took off her glasses and set them on the small table, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. She glanced in the direction of the weak, morning sun, trying to catch the rest of the quickly fading pastel colors when she heard a slight gasp. She looked up and locked eyes with Him.

She had seen him at the café every morning, posted like a silent sentry as he crouched on the small brick jut out at the bottom of the rail protecting the walkway from the hill to the river. He wasn't like any of the other people she had seen around, that was for sure. His bright red hair was up in an unruly ponytail that hung nearly halfway down his back. Tattoos sat across his brow line, over his hands, and on the bit of skin at his collar bones that were exposed by his outfit. She could also tell, despite his crouch that he was tall. Even sitting at it's base he was nearly as tall as the fence behind him.

His clothing set him apart too. Beyond Mrs. Yamaya, who seemed to prefer traditional kimono style outfits, almost everyone she met wore modern, western style clothing. This man however wore an outfit more resembling the gi she used to wear in martial arts training. _Damn, what's it called? A hakama maybe?_ She could swear she could even see the hint of a sword at his waist too. The others around didn't seem to care about his state of dress and weaponry, however, so she tried to ignore it.

But she couldn't ignore him. She could feel her eyes drawn to him daily- like moths to flame. Maybe it was the strangeness and how he seemed to stand out. _More likely_, she begrudgingly admitted to herself, _it's because he's fucking gorgeous_. While not much of him was visible beneath the loose-fitting garb, she could tell he was lean and strong in how he carried himself, the effortless ability to stay in his crouched position. The glimpses of his body were nothing compared to the face on full view. His eyes were piercing and dark, brooding and sad. A bad boy look if there ever was one, only highlighted by the bold stripes of his tribal tattoos. His chiseled jaw led to full lips and high cheekbones. The morning sun casting him in hi-def lighting, making the chiseled planes of him even more apparent.

She had wondered if others could see him. Surely he couldn't just exist in all his glory with no one stopping to look at him. But no, they had to see him too, right? She had seen people in the past look like they recognized him. A chesty girl with orange hair in a nurse's uniform waved most often. She recognized her from the ICU ward in the hospital. She would seem to smile at him, but he never seemed to respond that she could see. The girl's face would often seem to fall into sadness or frustration as she kept walking. There was also a very tall man in workers clothing. He never smiled or said anything either, but he would often nod at the red-head in acknowledgement, never breaking his stride. But he had never seemed to acknowledge them, or anyone at all.

Now though, she had all of his attention on her and she could feel the weight of it as he looked her up and down, appearing… annoyed?

_Really? REALLY?! That is it! I have had some hella bad days and this guy has to look at me like I shit on his breakfast taco?_

Mara opened her mouth to ask him what his problem was but she was cut off by a loud rumble. She looked down to see the liquid in her glass rippling. She had heard that Karakura Town had an oddly high proportion of earthquakes but she had yet to experience more than a tremor. This was no tremor. The rumbling got louder and the shaking more violent as people started to run, streaming out from the café.

_Why run?_ She wondered. _Aren't we safest out here in a park? Plus, I can't run anyways..._

She looked up to see that Mr. Tall Dark and Moody hadn't moved a muscle, except to pull out what appeared to be an old-school flip phone that he was studying intently. His eyes narrowed as he locked his gaze to the sky.

_What the-? Its an earthquake not a-_ Her thought was cut off by the sounds of loud crashes. The sky seemed to rip and tear, black holes opening up in the pristine blue to drop down… _Oh God NO! Not the monsters._

She had been seeing them more often lately, but not this close and not this huge. The size of buildings, the monsters with gaping holes through their chests landed, shaking the ground violently. People still ran and screamed, oblivious to what was causing the ground to nearly explode beneath their feet. In the insanity, Mara sat rooted to her spot. She couldn't help the scream that ripped from her throat as one landed only 20 feet away, right next to Him.

HIM! She couldn't tear her eyes away as the red-headed man finally stood up with a sigh while rolling his eyes. Glancing her way at her scream, his look was laced with clear annoyance again. What was he doing? He turned to face the nearest monster head on and pulled out the sword at his side in a lazy stroke.

"You really haven't learned yet, huh? Tch… fine. I've been itching to kill something lately," he practically growled at them.

_What the hell is he doing? He's going to get himself killed facing those monsters! Wait, he can see them, which means he can face them, and I was right! They can't see him because he's… no, he can't be a ghost, there's no chain. So, then what-_

Mara's thoughts came to a screeching halt as the monster lunged because, despite the uproar around her, she could only hear one thing. The singular high cry of a small child.


	3. Chapter 2: Out Like a Light

Chapter 2... At this point I guess I am just writing for myself, but hey- screw it. At least I'm having fun. Plus I am finally getting what has been rattling around and distracting me out of paper so that its no longer inside me. Woo-hoo.

Anyway, the saga continues. This is definitely more a slow-burn, long-ass story. you may have seen that I changed the rating to teen for now. If there wind up being some lemons instead of just love scenes, they are a loooong way off. The story is still T tho because both I and my characters will cuss like sailors sometimes.

Enjoy the update, invisible people!

**Chapter 2: Out Like a Light**

"At first, Renji didn't know if she was brave or lazy, this blue haired chick. She just stayed in her seat as people began to scream and shout in general commotion. It wasn't until he heard the involuntary scream rip from her throat when the hollows came down that he realized she was frozen in fear.

_So, she CAN see. Great. Just what I need, a female, blue-haired Ichigo to come in and fuck my world up again. Not today, Ippin (Gem)_.

Rising to face the nearest of the attacking hollows, Renji threw her another annoyed look over his shoulder. Her chocolate caramel eyes had widened into saucers as she took in everything, only frustrating Renji more.

"You really haven't learned yet, huh? Tch… fine. I've been itching to kill something lately," he said to the monsters in a gravely voice. He pulled out Zabimaru, knowing that it was almost a waste. These were just hollows of no rank. While large, they were mindless and weak. He wouldn't even have to release to shikai. Hardly the fight he wanted, but at least there were more than one.

He lifted his sword quickly as the first hollow leapt- when he heard it. The cry of a child distracted him from hitting dead center, instead chopping off an appendage of the hollow as he scanned for the source of the noise.

There! The toddler was about 5 feet behind and to the left of the girl. To her credit, the sound seemed to have pulled that girl from her daze as she zeroed in on the child as well. Renji knew he had to get closer to the panicked pair to keep the hollows from them instead of running headlong into the fray as he wanted, craving to release some of his pent-up aggression. Snarling to himself about the stupid burdens of being the guardian of the town, he quickly turned and relieved the injured hollow of its head and its soul in one swift movement.

Before he could flash step to the girl and child, though, two more hulking hollows had appeared between him and the humans. Raising Zabimaru, he dispatched one hollow before it could react. The other hollow, however, moved with murderous intent… away from him.

_Shit._

Years of battle had drilled a hyper-focus into his head during fights. The hollows seemed so slow as he rapidly picked up on every small movement they exuded. At this level of power, it wasn't hard. His rietsu alone could probably crush them if that was allowed in the real world. He may be barely a Shinigami at this point, but he still followed the rules… mostly. Nothing prepared him to expect the quick turn and lunge the hollow had made **away** from him. It had a target and wasn't swayed. Before Renji could even shout for the girl to move, the massive hand of the hollow crashed down where the girl had been sitting. The contents of the table went flying as dust rose from where a fragile human once was.

Shock. All Renji could feel was shock. In all his years as guardian, he had never lost a human life, no matter how dispassionate he had become about the job. He let out a yell as he leaped up to kill the hollow with a punishing strike before it could kill the other innocent in its path. As he plunged his blade into the beast, a wave of unrecognizable rietsu was released around him, driving both he and the hollow into the ground.

Like the shock of a bomb, the rietsu wave shot outward around him. The concrete broke into pieces and dust rose everywhere as the burst of spiritual pressure dissipated as fast as it had come. Through the haze, he could barely make out the flash of blue on the ground. Five feet back and to the left of where She had been sitting. Muffled crying accompanied the sight as Renji rose to his feet, swiped a stray piece of his hair from his face, and sheathed his sword. He stepped over to the girl laying on the ground.

_Fuck, that rietsu? God dammit, that's like how they came after Kurosaki! Why me…_ Renji's thoughts plagued him as he approached her crumpled form but were quickly replaced by the smallest amount admiration. _Well, I'll be damned._

Her small body was wrapped tight in a fetal position, eyes scrunched shut against the dust and debris. He could see the clean tracks that her tears were already starting to make as they welled at the edges of her tightly shut eyes. Her shoulders shook as she gasped for breath and the grimace across her face spoke volumes about the pain she was feeling- but staying surprisingly silent about. Inside the curl of her body, coughs and cries were being muffled by her large hoodie. A small hand reached out to pull on her shoulder for leverage, exposing the child, wrapped safely in her arms.

Renji studied her shaking form, kneeling over her as the child started crying. _How did you do that, Ippin?_

He could hear the crowds approaching in a clamor. The child's mother screamed his name, breaking into a run at the sight of his small form wriggling free from his protector. At the movement, the girl opened her eyes, looking up at the towering man over her. Her brown eyes were clouded over in pain as she could do nothing for the moment but look at him and gasp, the dust filling her already weak lungs. Her pupils began to dilate. She was going to pass out. As Renji began to rise, he felt a cold, feather light touch on his arm and paused. She was looking at him as intently as she could.

"W-who… what are you?" she gasped.

Renji's eyes widened in surprise as he looked at her in shock. She saw him. She touched him. He grimaced at the implications, looking back at her in time to see her eyes roll back in her head and for her to go limp on the concrete.

The crowd reformed and gathered around the girl, sirens already blaring in the distance.

.

.

The machine whirs and clicks were enough to drive Renji insane. After she had been put in the ambulance, he had taken his time wandering the town, making sure there were no more lingering hollows to cause trouble. He couldn't focus during his searches, though. All he could see in his mind was the girl being cared for then lifted onto the stretcher for the ambulance.

The mother of the child began screaming for help first. She had fallen onto her knees next to Ippin, thanking her for saving her son, when she realized that she was not responding. The crowd cleared the scene as ambulances showed up. The workers ran up to the fallen girl, medicine packs at the ready. She was rolled to her back exposing small pools of blood. The EMT's had cut off her hoodie, exposing the true frailty of her body, in an effort to find the source of her bleeding. Only small cuts from debris could be seen, the one on her head bleeding the most. Bruises had already started to form on her protruding collarbones and arms, joining older deeper bruises that peppered her wrists and inner arms. It had been alarming to see.

_Does she hurt herself like this!?_ He thought to himself in horror.

The EMT's apparently had the same thought as they began to examine her wrists, until they stopped and began shouting at each urgently at each other.

"Hurry, we have to get her to Dr. Ishida at the hospital! She is a critical and terminal patient under his care! NOW!" one yelled to his partner, who immediately ran to get the stretcher.

The EMT looked at her left arm again, turning it to expose the tattoo in the inside of one forearm. A large red cross, the international symbol for medical alert was prominent, followed by lines of characters

"Mara Oliviera  
Age: 25  
If found in distress, immediately bring to Karakura Hospital for care  
Physician: Dr. Ishida Uryu  
Diagnosis: Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, Multiple Sclerosis, Myasthenia Gravis, Myofascial Pain Syndrome, Lupus, Sjogren's Syndrome, Rheumatoid Arthritis, + Unknown TerminalWarning: Immunosuppressive drugs and experimental therapies"

_Holy hell… how is she even still alive with all that shit wrong? How did she move like that? Smart thing to do with the tat, tho. Like a medical alert bracelet that she can't lose._

Renji felt himself moved with… awe? Pity? Did it really matter? The fact was he knew he was feeling some type of way about this girl and her plight. It was uncomfortable; he had become very unaccustomed to feeling anything at all. The yet unidentified feelings had only grown when he saw her lifted onto the stretcher exposing vast scarring on the inside of her arms and back of her neck and shoulders. A particularly vicious looking scar cut straight down the center of her chest, disappearing under the edge of her shirt.

Not being able to stand seeing more, Renji flash stepped away as the doors of the ambulance slammed shut.

No matter how hard he fought the curiosity about her, however, he had nonetheless found himself drawn to the hospital, back next to her prone figure alongside the medical machines keeping her alive right now. She was still out cold and Renji took the chance to look at her more closely. She didn't seem annoying now, her probing eyes closed to him. The variety of tubes sticking out of her arm and already bruised wrists were concerning to say the least, making her appear like a monster, tentacles waving. The tube down her throat pumping air into her lungs hid part of her face, which he could see was quite pretty with delicate features despite the bruising and stitches on the end of her right eyebrow. More small sutures were present, peppered across her chest, right shoulder, and forearms, sure to leave constellations of minute scars alongside her old ones.

He traced his eyes down her arms to where soft but secure holds tied her hands down to the bed. Continuing his visual exploration past her fingers, he could see the outline of her thin legs under the blanket, with bulges around the ankles. He gently lifted the corner of the cover to see her ankles held by the same soft restraints. A nasty line of bruising and blistering ran up the outside of her left leg, the sure sign that the hollows touch hadn't completely missed her. At least Renji knew that with Ishida as her doctor it would be treated properly. He would recognize the mark for what it was.

Gingerly replacing the blanket down flat, Renji walked back up toward the head of the bed, mindlessly fingering the restraint on her left wrist.

_Is this life for you?_ He mused. _Relying on machines to breathe and move? Strapped down like an animal… Why do they do this to you? Did you know this would happen to you when you pulled out that inner strength and leapt to save that kid?_

No answer came to his internal questions. Only the steady purr of the machines filled the space. In the quiet, Renji could hear approaching voices. He quickly flash stepped behind the floor-length curtain at the window with barely a ruffle to give him away as the door opened, letting in two very familiar figures.

"I have told you before, Ishida-kun, that we can't use my gift as a cure to fix everyone!" Inoue Orihime said in a loud, frustrated whisper. "Of course, I want to help but we can't just have me fix people and call it a cure for the hospital."

"Hime… I know- " came Ishida's placating voice.

"Oi! You know? If you know then why did you drag me in here? I recognize this girl. You've asked me about her before- the one your cure won't cure. I told you that it breaks my heart, but I can't just go around fixing everything!"

"Hime-chan , please- "

"Please what? Isn't it enough that you infuse trace elements of my rietsu to make your cure? I had to help somehow, but this is too much! I'm not going to fix what is broken in her Ishida Uryu. Not even for you."

"Orihime!" Ishida raised his voice, causing her to stop her quiet rant. "I know this makes you uncomfortable and worried. We have already had this talk. I am not asking you to heal whatever is wrong with this one. She is probably too far gone. But I am asking you to ease her pain and reverse the damage she sustained."

Orihime remained silent as Renji tracked their footsteps to the end of the bed. The sheet rustled and he heard the small feminine gasp.

"Is that-?"

"Yes. She was marked by a hollow during an attack on the café by the river this morning. This is but one of multiple injuries she sustained in the ensuing struggle."

"By the river," Orihime mused, "isn't that where Renji normally patrols? How did this happen?"

"You would have to ask him," Ishida replied dryly, glancing surreptitiously at the curtain.

Feeling the weight of Ishida's stare, Rengi stifled a snort of derision at the Quincy's tone. He had added that for Renji's benefit. Renji had tamped down his reitsu to near nothing when he heard the voices before they approached the door, but the Quincy was like a damn bloodhound for sniffing out spiritual pressures.

"Again, Hime-chan," Ishida purred in the sweetest voice he could muster, "I am not asking you to fix what ails her, just the damage from the fight. She is already going to be on her deathbed soon, can we not eliminate some of the needless suffering that she is feeling now?"

"No one should suffer needlessly because of a hollow," Orihime half whispers to herself, summoning her Shun Shun Rikka to form the healing cocoon around the broken girl, completing her goal in just a few minutes.

Wow. She has gotten efficient since I last saw her work. /span/emspan style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"Renji noted to himself.

"There. I'm assuming she will wake up soon now that her body isn't having to fight the recent trauma. The poor thing. I know I can't but I just wish I—," Orihime heaved a sigh, "I will see you after work, Ishida-kun?"

"Of course, my Hime," Ishida replied, waving at her as she left quietly.

_Barf. That's so sweet it's nauseating._ Smirking at his own though, Renji almost jumped when the curtain was thrown back off him.

"You can come out now, dumbass. Your risk of social interaction has left the room," Ishida remarked sarcastically.

"Tch! At least you know better than to count yourself as company," Renji quipped back.

He sauntered forward, doing a double take of Ishida as he walked out from his hiding spot. How long had it been since he had last seen him? He was surprised to note that they stood almost eye to eye now, Ishida coming in only an inch below his own 6'2" frame. While Ishida had grown up, he was built like a runner. Powerful and athletic, yes, but Renji new he probably still outweighed him by about 50 pounds of muscle. Still, Renji, made a mental note not to piss off the good doctor too bad. He had fought alongside Ishida many times before and had no desire to test out this bigger, badder Quincy. He was hard enough to handle when he was just a teenager.

Sighing softly, Ishida made his way to the end of the girl's _\- Mara, that's Ippin's name-_ Mara's bed, picking up the chart there and flipping quickly through the pages. He began to circle the bed, making notations of her "improvements" that Orihime had made. He undid a wrist cuff and rolled her slightly, checking on the stitched areas that Renji had been unable to see before. He couldn't help but also notice Renji's sharp inhale of surprise at the large and highly intricate tattoo that arced out from between her shoulder blades, winding down over her ribs and tapering to the front of her hips. _He'd be even more surprised to know there's one on the other side too that he can't see._ While not as extensive or heavy as the ink draped all over Renji, her tattoos were still impressive artistically, drawn and filled in like stained glass in with bright jewel tones. Ishida lay Mara back flat, rewrapping her wrist carefully in the restraint, surprised to hear what nearly sounded like a warning growl. Pausing his movements, he threw a glare at the Shinigami. "Why are you here, Renji?"

"Why are you restraining Ipp- her- down like a rabid animal?" He growled out, low and threatening.

The only sign of surprise on Ishida's face at his tone was a slightly raised eyebrow. He indulged the question to keep the beast in his hospital calm. "We have the restraints on her for her protection. When most people who have had to be intubated for an emergency first come to, their initial reaction is shock and an overwhelming desire to pull the tube out of their airway, choking on it instead of letting it breathe for them. They can permanently damage the structures within their lungs if they do that. Miss Oliviera has additional restraints on her legs as well in case we had to run IVs there also. As you can see, the veins and arteries in her arms are starting to collapse due to the many years of her various treatments. However, I doubt she would even have the strength to pull the intubation out regardless of level of stress. She would probably just work to making herself pass out again," Ishida explained coldly. "Now, again, I repeat 'Why are you here, Renji?'"

Renji didn't answer but simply flicked his eyes over Mara's now unbruised face.

"Abarai!" Ishida ground out through clamped teeth. "Why are you in my hospital?"

Renji didn't even seem to hear him as he eyed the medical tattoo on her arm again, remembering that she seemed to have more gems running down her back and sides. _Ippin is more accurate then Mara_.

Before Ishida became too riled, he finally looked up at him. "What's wrong with her? You act like she's already dead, that nothing can be done." His piercing gaze seemed to nail into Ishida, causing him to sigh again, this time in defeat.

"We don't know what all is wrong with her, we just know that I was her last hope, and I failed," responded Ishida with downcast eyes before raising them back up with a withering glare. "Of course, I didn't think I would have to patch her up from a damn hollow attack either, because that helped her so much. Why don't you tell me what is wrong with her, Shinigami. This happened on your watch, in the exact café you go to every morning to wallow. Did you mix too much sake in your coffee in this morning and pass out while this poor woman got hurt?"

"Fuck you, Quincy! There were three of them and one got around me. I just thought they were here wandering like always, not that she was the target! It took me off guard that she could FUCKING SEE ME! Did you know that your patient could put out a rietsu wave to rival THAT bastard?! NO?! Then lay the hell off!" Renji was practically shaking with rage.

_Fuck. Is it really my fault that she almost died?_

"Lower your voice, dumbass, you will wake her up," Ishida spat at him. "Of course, I new she had been building rietsu, though I didn't know to that degree. She can probably see and hear everything we do, regardless. She nearly died half a decade ago and has only gotten worse; this woman is basically walking side by side with Death every day. Frankly, I'm amazed that she lived long enough for you to almost kill her with your oversight! You're a lieutenant ranked shinigami with a bankai! How could you not handle three hollows?!"

That was enough. Renji grabbed Ishida by the lapel of his lab coat, lifting him off the ground with one arm, a snarl marring his features. "Says the pathetic doctor who can't save her at all and had to bring his girlfriend in for his dirty work. I bet it's nice to think you can lay the blame on someone else and keep your spotless record."

Ishida's eyes flashed in a brief show of anger before his cool mask slid back into place. He met Renji's eyes in a point-blank stare that didn't deny what Renji had said, causing the red-head to recognize the truth as well. He lowered Ishida back to the floor as he furrowed his brow in thought.

_Damn. It is my fault. I was too caught up in my own anger about her and the situation that I let a human be hurt._

The sound of rustling and a small moan came from the bed and followed Renji out the window of her room and to the ground where he had flash stepped, running as fast and as far from this latest disaster as possible.


	4. Chapter 3: I Know that You Know

Hello happy people, next chapter. Enjoy.

P.S. I don't own Bleach or its characters.

**Chapter 3**

The sound of voices slowly brought Mara out of her dream-riddled sleep. Over and over again she had seen His face, a mixture of curiosity and shock painting his features when she asked who or what he was. The way he had flicked his gaze up from her hand on his warm arm to pierce her eyes with his own…

The voices persisted and she tried to place them through the fog in her mind. That… that sounded like Dr. Ishida. "… to making herself pass out … Why … here, Renji?'". It was so hard to hear. So hard to focus on the words being spoken so lowly.

"…wrong with her? You act …already dead, that nothing … done," replied a low voice. She knew that baritone voice. She had just heard it…. It was HIM.

The scene came rushing into her head, drowning out the familiar sounds of machines and voices alike. He had spoken to the monsters before slashing one of their arms clean off. She didn't see more… why didn't she see more?

_A cry… a little kid was crying, screaming._ The earth had shaken around and she saw the child sitting next to a dropped purse behind her. Then suddenly there were two of them, so close she could smell the stench of death. The child, they would kill the child. She had only ever seen them go after ghosts around her… but there was no mistaking that the monsters were coming their way. She saw the red-haired man turn, everything in slow motion as he leaped toward one, but the other… the other… the other...

_It was coming!_

Pushing off the table, she had jumped with what little might she had in her toward the child. She could feel the atrophied muscles and tendons pulling at the sudden movement but there was no pain, temporarily dulled by the adrenaline. She could feel the monster's claws slam down on her leg as she tried to cross the last foot to the child.

_NO. No, please, God. Whoever is up there, whatever may be listening, just let me save the child. I have to, **I HAVE TO GET THERE.**_

Her mental scream overwhelmed everything, seeming to imbue her with an unknown strength. Through a haze of sparkling amber she scrambled to the child, wrapping him up tight to her and shielding him with her body.

_At least they will have to go through me to get him. It's all I can do,_ she resigned to herself. As suddenly as the strength had come, it left again and she could feel all the pain, all the injuries in and on her body screaming at her in a cacophony from hell. The monsters were gone though and His face, that beautiful face, twisted in curiosity and concern had loomed over her. And he-

"… lay the blame on someone else and keep your spotless record."

The yelled phrase yanked her back to reality from her horror-filled memories. That was Him.

_Renji… Now I know who you are…_

The realization woke her fully.

.

.

The feeling of the tube down her throat was as familiar as it was abhorrent. She couldn't seem to fight the reflex to reach to her face and release herself from the apparatus that was strangling her, but her weak pulls against the restraints verified that she couldn't do anything about it. She should be used to this by now, but she still wasn't. It never got any easier to wake up intubated and unable to move.

"Miss Oliviera, welcome back," Dr. Ishida said in his calm sure voice. She flicked her eyes over to him as he moved into her view. "I apologize for the restraints," he continued, noticing her feeble hand movements, "But you know how you are with your enemy the ventilator."

Her eyes crinkled in a slight smile at his reference to the intubation. He was right. She hated this damn machine. One reason being that she was unable to talk back.

"You have to be on the breather for 24 hours this time, Miss Oliviera," he paused, noticing the furrowed brow she showed expressing her anger. "I know. But you inhaled a lot of dust and suffered minor injuries from debris after the… incident at the café. We have to make sure your airways are fully clear before disconnecting you." Ishida knew that there would be nothing in her lungs thanks to Orihime but he still had to put on the pretense of following hospital policy.

_The café- the child- HIM… Renji. Where is he? He was just here, wasn't he?_

Mara began flitting her eyes around the room nearly frantically, but she couldn't move her head, couldn't move at all. Reason number two to hate the ventilator- she realized that she wasn't wearing her glasses and so couldn't see well at all and she couldn't ask for them. She wanted answers but where was he!? She needed to know what he was, what had happened, what about the child?

Ishida noticed her distress through the twitching movements in her limbs, coming back into her view to see her searching gaze from the prone position._ Damn, I knew she was going to hear that loud dumbass_. He stepped back into Mara's field of vision, "Calm down, it's ok, it's just me and you." She looked back at him in frustration, but she stilled, except for her right hand. Ishida looked down to see her miming like she was writing. "You want to write?"

A single long slow blink of affirmation. _No shit. I have 10,000 questions and can't talk, Doc._

"Miss Oliviera, your language skills may have improved but you and I both know that your characters are on par with an 8-year-old when you can see what you are doing. You want to try to write characters that I can read when you can't even see the sheet… again?" Ishida half grumbled, all the while pulling out the pad and pen from his pocket anyway. "That's the whole reason you opted to get that medical tattoo, remember? So that instructions could be given, and information written, without you having to do it for whatever reason."

Rolling her eyes, Mara began scratching on the pad. The doctor had a point, her ability to draw the characters accurately was shit when she could actually see what she was doing. But Dr. Ishida was a smart man. Surely, he could google some translations. Mara scratched out a message without need to see in her native language.

[Can you read English?]

Dr. Ishida narrowed his eyes at her message, "Very well, Miss Oliviera. We will do this your way. I can only read conversational and basic English, so some of what you write I may have to look up. Perhaps not if you keep it straightforward. I am sure we can hack our way through if you insist."

[Thanks. Café?]

"Yes," Ishida said hesitantly, choosing his words carefully, "you were involved in an incident at your usual café. You were injured and came here."

Mara narrowed her eyes at her doctor. She could tell he was gauging his response. _But unlike all my other doctors, Dr. Ishida, I know that you can't turn me into a psych case. I know that you KNOW._

[Child?]

Ishida seemed to breathe a sigh of relief. "Yes, you did save the child that was there with you. In fact it was his mother who summoned help for you. You know," Ishida began to ramble, "It was amazing to hear how you leaped to save him, but it did hurt you. Your ligaments and muscles nearly tore with the strain. I do not discount what you did, but you had to know the movement alone would hurt you Miss Oliviera. Again, I understand your motives, but you really should avoid strenuous actions and activities. You know that you will wind up waking up on my table every time. There are only so many times we can put you on the ventilator before you would wind up on it permanently. Your lungs are weak, they can only stand so much—"

Ishida's train of thought was interrupted by more scratching on the paper.

[Renji]

"That appears to be the name of someone, Miss Oliviera. I can ask around," Ishida stated too nonchalantly, trying to control the tic developing in his eye.

Mara was not fooled. Her astute glare affirmed to him that she knew more.

[Renji. Now. He saved me. He was here.]

_Come on, Doc. I know he was here, I know you know something._

Letting out a labored sigh, Ishida bowed his head. _That damn shinigami, I swear I will kill him._

"Saved you? Interesting choice of view. He should have protected you. Renji is… well, Abarai Renji is a piece of work, a shadow of his former self. He is supposed to be the Shinigami protector of Karakura Town. But as for what he is now, you will have to ask him. I'm sure at this point you know where to find him."

Mara's eyes narrowed as she tried to figure out what he had said, the unfamiliar word rolling around in her mind.

[Shinigami?]

Haltingly, Ishida looked at her probing eyes. "Yes," he whispered, "In your mythology, you would probably know him as a 'reaper'." He sighed, seeing the fear enter her eyes. "Miss Oliviera, the severity of your condition is no hidden secret to you. I am guessing that you have seen many strange things as you have worsened?"

At her affirmative blink, he continued, "You walk hand in hand with death, Miss Oliviera. Frankly, every one of your past doctors have been amazed at the sheer force of will that you must have exerted just to last this long. Abarai is not here to take you away, don't worry. Shinigami are guides and protectors of a sort… but you can see him because you live your life so close to that realm."

Mara stared at the doctor's distorted profile, fighting the tears as they blurred her already warped vision. _I knew I was dying but to be so close…?_ She closed her eyes, trying to calm herself before writing again.

[Ghosts with chains. Monsters with holes.]

"Ah, I suspected you had seen those too," Ishida said as he pushed his glasses up his nose, figuring out how to continue. "The souls- ghosts with the chains on their chests- are often stuck here for some reason. They can be sent off to Soul Society- where a good soul goes after death- by either wrapping up their unfinished business or by being sent by a Shinigami like Abarai. The monsters are called hollows. Twisted by their confined time as souls, they have turned to devouring other souls and other hollows in an attempt to grow in power to live again. Did you see them at the café?"

[No ghosts, just hollows]

"I see." Ishida's mind was worried as he realized that Renji had spoken the truth. They were coming after Mara as they had come after Kurosaki, finding the high spiritual energy level in a living human had not thwarted their attention. She was expressing enough spiritual pressure to tempt them enough to come from Hueco Mundo. "Your handwriting is starting to waver, Miss Oliviera. You need to rest now."

Rolling her eyes, Mara grimaced around the mouthpiece of the ventilator. Reason three for hate- she couldn't sleep when all she could think of was the pain of the tube.

Looking at her with pity, Ishida, patted her arm and pulled a pre-loaded syringe off the cart next to her bed loaded with Benadryl. "I did not forget, Miss Oliviera. I know you cannot rest while attached. You will have to remain in the restraints, but I can at least make sure you sleep through the worst of it." Ishida pressed the contents of the syringe into her IV tube, bringing sweet relief.

Mara's eyes drifted close in seconds; she didn't even hear the door softly shut behind the doctor as he silently left the room to go find Orihime once again. They had one last thing left to do.


	5. Chapter 4: Planning and Plotting

Alright, so I couldn't completely leave Soul Society in the dark, or you guys in the dark about Soul Society. Here's a glimpse, but this is it on these guys for a while. wave good bye for the next unknown number of chapters!

Again, don't own anything except my OC and my idea

**Chapter 4**

The lamp light burned low, casting long shadows across the office of the squad 9 barracks and the scarred face of its captain. Hisagi Shuhei rubbed the tiredness from his face with rough, battle-hardened hands. His white haori, denoting his rank, was slung haphazardly over the back of his chair, revealing his standard black uniform and bare arms below. He may have been removed from fighting on the front lines for a few years now, but it didn't keep him from remaining armed to the teeth with explosives strapped to his sculpted biceps, joining the zanpakto at his hip.

Not feeling any more awake, he stood and stretched his tall, muscular frame, feeling the familiar pops. His body was not made for such stagnation.

_How long have I been at this paperwork?_ He wondered as he paced the room to get his blood flowing again.

Matsumoto Rangiku had come and gone on her weekly attempt to get him to go out drinking with "the crew". Didn't she realize that he didn't do "crews". His closest friend had left 6 years ago, and he felt no need to replace his friendship. Sure, Matsumoto was a friend too, but there was only so much that a guy could have in common and talk about with a woman, even one like her. Besides, with Maderame and Ayasegawa out leading long-term patrols through the Rukongai, and Kira having to handle his own duties while approaching testing to become a captain, their "crew" was a shell of what it once was. She had to know that it wasn't going to be like before; the war had changed everything. He knew she could feel the difference. That was most likely why she had stopped pestering him every single day, opting for disappointment only once a week instead.

This time had been different though. Matsumoto had lapsed out of her bubbly visage to hand him a letter before painting the smile back on again. There really was more to that woman than most people gave her credit for. He could see the letter on his desk, the corner peeking out from under a finished pile of reports he had set on top of it.

Snagging it from his desk to look over while he walked around the room, Hisagi was surprised to see the seal marking where it was sent from. _Karakura Town? Matsumoto did say that she still kept in touch with Inoue… but why is she bringing me her letter?_

Five minutes later, Hisagi slumped down in his chair, head resting in his arms on the desk's surface. He was resisting the urge to slam his head into it. At least he was awake now.

"You have got to be kidding me," he moaned lowly to himself.

"Oi. What's the matter, cap'n?"

The drawl behind him didn't even cause Hisagi to flinch. This had happened so many times over the past 3 years that he was immune to Grimjow Jagerjaques' surprise pop-ups. Without lifting his head, he replied, "What do you want, Grimmjow? Now is not the time."

"Give a guy a break, Cap. I was outside, heard what sounded like a moan, and thought I mighta been in for a quick pickle tickle to you finally hooking up with Tits McGee that comes by all the time," the teal-haired Espada cackled out.

Hisagi raised his head and looked at the Sexta Espada reclined on his couch from over his shoulder. His gray eyes narrowed as they locked with laughing teal ones. "What in the actual hell are you talking about?"

Grimmjow rolled his eyes but his cocky smile didn't waver. "You know, for a guy with a 69 tattooed on his face, you are the most strait-laced, unimaginative mother fucker in this place. You know that number on your face means-"

"Oi! You have made me well aware of what the living would think of my tattoo, Grimmjow." Hisagi ground out, "Thank you for the entertainment, but you may go. I have more important things to deal with right now than reigning you in like a child who finally learned curse words."

The smile finally fell from Grimmjows face as he sat up, taking a good look at the exhausted man before him. It was concerning how he seemed overwhelmed and almost… angry. Hisagi rarely showed emotion, meaning that the appearance of stress should probably be taken seriously. Grimmjow narrowed his eyes at the dark-haired captain, seriousness in his tone now. "Cap, we've worked side by side for years now. What's going on?"

Throwing caution to the wind, Hisagi thumped his head back down on the desk as he threw that god-forsaken letter in Grimmjow's direction. He allowed himself a small grin when he heard him scrambling to catch it, picturing a cat chasing after a loose end of thread. "Matsumoto got a message from the living world today. From Inoue Orihime."

Only silence greeted his announcement, so he continued, "You remember your favorite person, Kurosaki Ichigo?" _There's the growl I was expecting._ "Well apparently there's a female one running around the streets of Karakura Town. Different cause, same result. Hollows are going to rain hell on that city until she's gone. On top of the danger from them, we have to worry about Genryusai-Sama's reaction. You know how he is with humans knowing about or accessing Shinigami and powers. Who knows what this could do to the power structure and hierarchy that is finally settling..." Hisagi cut himself off with a sigh. He was rambling. He tried to breathe deep channeling his self-control.

"First off," Grimmjow growled, waving the letter around toward Hisagi, "Kurosaki is my **second** favorite person. Remember?"

Hisagi narrowed his eyes right back at Grimmjow. The implications in his tone about who had earned top spot on his kill list were understandable, but he still couldn't condone violence on another captain. Even if he would kill Kurotsuchi Mayuri too, had their roles been reversed.

"Number B," Grimmjow announced, holding up two fingers, "isn't your bro Abarai running that town? He was spitting distance from Captain when he bailed. You saying he can't handle a little waterfall of hollows raining on his head?"

"Read the letter, Grommjow."

"Thirdly, those other little human freaks are running around that town, too. They can catch the overflow that Pineapple Head can't."

"Read the letter."

"Also, just because she has some rietsu, doesn't mean she will pull a Strawberry and go all kick-ass. She can't use the spiritual power, she's human. Even that punk couldn't use his till Renji's little ex-girlfriend shoved her power into him, so what possible—"

"**GOD DAMMIT, GRIMMJOW!** Just read the fucking letter!"

A dark smile spread over Grimmjow's face at Hisagi's outburst. "One of these days, Cap'n, I'm gonna get you to let out all that pent-up darkness and we are going to have. it. out. It'll be fucking glorious," he snarled, a feral glint to his expression.

Hisagi refused to respond, keeping his head on the desk. Grimmjow rolled his eyes. "Fine," he sighed, opening the letter in his hands.

Hisagi could hear him muttering to himself as he read. "Hello Rangiku-chan, it's been so long… blah blah blah…. Girl talk bull shit… hospital… working… blah blah… ok, here we go. 'My Ishida-kun and I have something important to tell you about a possible issue in Karakura Town.' **My Ishida-kun?** What the hell, Cap, are these two back dating again or some shit?"

"Mmadunnump," came Hisagi's muffled reply from inside his arms. "Who cares?" he groaned out, "Just keep reading"

"All right, all right. Okaaaay…. 'Ishida-kun has a patient that has developed an impressive rietsu and was recently attacked by hollows. There had been an uptick in their numbers recently, but we hadn't connected that to her until today. The hollow attack confirmed that more are coming with her as a specific target, just like they did with Kurosaki-san. We have been able to hold the numbers at bay so far, but I don't know how long that will last. To be frank, Rangiku-chan, Renji-san just doesn't seem to be holding his own as well. You know how he has been on a downward spiral for a while now. Memories in the morning and sake in the afternoons. I hate to speak badly of Renji-san, but I just don't know how to handle him. He won't talk to anyone or do anything. What worried me most is that the girl who was attacked was near him during the event. Right next to him, Rangiku-chan! A hollow has never ever gotten around Renji-san'… Huh, seems like your boy is slipping, Cap."

"Shut up," Hisagi said, more harshly than he intended, "Keep going. Gets worse." Hisagi dropped his head back down on his arms.

"Tch. Alright, I'm reading. Ummm… Pineapple is off his game … blah blah blah… 'It turns out that she could see Renji-san and hear him too. Ishida-kun found out from her that she can also see ghosts and hollows. It is not like Kurosaki-san however, she wasn't born with it due to lineage. Mara-chan sees them because she is dying. Ishida-kun estimates that she has been able to for about 5 years and the worse she gets, the more she can see and do. Even though she was very hurt in the attack, she actually managed to release enough rietsu in a controlled blast to bring the hollows and Renji-san **to their knees…** Holy fuck, Cap, are you for real? Are we sure this is true? That's some shit right there! Even Strawberry couldn't do that shit as a human!"

"Yeah, I'm aware."

Levelling an annoyed look at Hisagi's bent form, Grimmjow walked to the desk and whacked him on the head with the piece of paper, causing him to shoot up-right and return the look of annoyance. "Look, Cap. I get that this is some weird shit, but why the hell are you reacting like this. Send an extra guardian to Karakura Town to deal with the hollows, tell Abarai to pull his head out of his ass, and let shit play out. From the rest of what Inoue is writing, it sounds like this girl's health is in the gutter and she won't be a problem much longer any way. Even if she does have, like, totally amazing hair, OMG!" he finished with a high, lilting voice.

"Think, Grimmjow. Think ahead," Hisagi lectured with as much patience as he could muster. "What happens when this super-powered girl dies? She comes here with all that reitsu and creates a power source that's new and pliable to whomever can bend her ear. Do you not remember what happened last time power like that was introduced to Sereitei?"

Smile fading, Grimmjow lapsed into memories of during the war: of Aizen and his cronies taking over Hueco Mundo, of the struggles that led to him being brought to Soul Society, of being subjected to experiment after experiment after excruciating experiment. _Absolute power corrupts absolutely_, he reminded himself. Hell, he was living proof of that. _And if that power got in the wrong hands…_ All he could picture was the distorted face of the 12th Squad Captain.

His body physically ached at the memory of being in a lab somewhere far beneath the 12th squad barracks. He could remember seeing the blood draining down the installed drain in the center of the room as he hung, sometimes in pieces, above it. Kurotsuchi himself had overseen his "testing", as the monster called it. No answer he could give was good enough to stop the demented Shinigami. How hard was his hierro? Let's see. You regenerate to heal? Let's see how fast. If only he could rip him apart, thread by thread as he had done year after painful year. _But the risks of losing that battle…_ Grimmjow seethed to himself before a slight spark of hope caught in his mind. _This girl could be the answer. Show her the scars of torture, win her over, and I may have Kurosaki level power at my fingertips to join my own…_

The weight of Hisagi's gaze on him pulled Grimmjow from his musings. He looked back up at the captain of the 9th squad, taking in his stormy look. He new that Hisagi would go down with Sereitei, his sense of loyalty to Soul Society was too deeply ingrained. That was maybe his only regret. He actually held a begrudging respect for the man who had marched into the cell where he was held, past the petulant monster that had haunted both his dreams and his waking hours. He thought Hisagi had been there to end him, finally exacting revenge on something -anything- that he could for the ordeal and betrayal he had undergone throughout the course of the war. Instead, the stoic captain had picked him up in a fireman's carry and brought him out of hell. Hisagi had overseen his care as his broken body had repaired itself after his confinement. He had given Grimmjow a chance to reclaim some of his former glory and freedom when he proposed the arrangement that still had Grimmjow under his protection to this day. Combat instructor- because if the recruits could land a hit on him, then surely, they could handle anything else Hueco Mundo threw their way.

"Shit, you're right," he finally replied.

"Not only could a new break in ranks occur, but there are still power vacuums here in soul society too. What is seven years to beings like us? We are still rebuilding, and this could bring in a wrecking ball."

"It could," Grimmjow absentmindedly agreed, still musing over memories and plots. He could feel Hisagi still studying him. The man wasn't an idiot and had to know something of what he was thinking about. But he knew that Hisagi would never go back on his word, his arrangement, unless given tangible proof. He was upstanding like that- which led Grimmjow to meet his eyes and ask, "Why you?"

Eyes widening at being caught off guard by the question, Hisagi's face displayed his confusion. "What do you mean 'why me?'?"

"Don't get me wrong, Cap, you are fully capable of handling a bad situation, but why did wannabe-Aphrodite give this message to you? I mean, you're kinda new to this captain shit and you're so straight-laced I'm surprised you haven't gone to the old boss man already. So why haven't you? Why dick around with me? Why are you who she told?"

"I can't," He said, sighing, as he reached forward and tapped the corner of the letter where a small note had been added.

Before Grimmjow could get a chance to read it, Hisagi huffed out another breath and began to explain. "Matsumoto said she gave it to me because the information needed to go to not only a trusted source, but someone who wouldn't react rashly. Even her own captain has a fear of our powers being known or used again in the real world, so she knew that announcing this to the Gotei 13 would just bring panic and allow the plotting for power, or against this poor girl, to start earlier. She thought it was important enough to warn somebody, but she knows that I am 'new-school' in my approach- as she calls it. I don't think hiding from changes handles them and I don't think all the rules are just, so she believes I will handle it correctly- However the hell that is."

Grunting in agreement, Grimmjow lowered himself into the chair next to the desk, bringing them eye to eye. While he may have ulterior motives, the path seemed clear for both Hisagi and himself. "You know you can't tell anyone she's coming, Cap. They'll tear all the worlds apart again trying to find her and rein her in."

"Yeah, I know. But preparations of some kind are going to have to be made…."

"So prep," the Espada replied with more calm than he was feeling. "You have a heads up on her already, know how to recognize her when she comes. Just make sure everything is in place to get to her first and make sure you teach her right—like you did me." He had thrown the last bit in for Hisagi's benefit. While not one to be swayed by flattery, it couldn't hurt, he assumed. _Plus, if I help him get her, then that keeps her around for me to mold instead._

Mulling it over for a minute, Hisagi drew in a deep breath before replying, "Damn… you're right. We keep it secret and get ready to swoop her up so she can't be used. I'll start sending people on patrol to look in the districts for her to show up any day now."

Deciding that he'd had enough insanity for one night, Hisagi threw his haori over his shoulder and began extinguishing the lamps around the room. The Espada took his cue to rise from his spot as well and head toward the door.

"Oh, and Grimmjow... Thanks."

Grimmjow's luminescent eyes widened slightly. _Shit_. "Don't mention it," He muttered as he walked out the door.


	6. Chapter 5: Stalk Much?

Back to my boy and girl in the land of the living... well, mostly living. You know what I mean. Anyways, enjoy the read. It may slow down this upcoming week. I have to go out of town for a couple days and work is amping up for a bit, but I am writing as much as I can to have stuff prepped for release after some more editing read-thrus. I don't suppose anyone wants to be an editor? whats that?... silence? yup lmao.

I'm having fun tho, i hope you guys are enjoying it- and know that I don't own bleach

**Chapter 5**

With a half-empty bottle of sake in one hand, a small pair of glasses in the other, and a long, bright red, messy ponytail whipping in the wind, Renji was quite a sight to see. Or at least he would have been if anyone could see him. Perched on a seventh-floor windowsill at Karakura Hospital, Renji's face still looked worn though bathed in a stray, straight ray of escaping light.

He took another swing of sake, looking into the dark depths of the bottle after. "How did I wind up here again?" he asked himself, moving his gaze to the slit in the curtains that looked into her room.

The day had started off as all the others had. He had perched on the now broken jut of concrete next to the gate above the river and closed his eyes to await dawn. But everything was so different. The normal sounds of the morning that brought him peace in their daily countdown were absent in the closed café courtyard. Walking to his spot had been uncomfortable as he avoided the cracked concrete jutting up around his feet. Even the birds were silenced in the tainted space, causing him to not open his eyes until the last tendrils of lavender were already racing out of the sky to be replaced with… blue.

The bright light caused a flash in his peripheral near where his daily distraction normally came. But when he looked over to that area of the courtyard, he couldn't seem to muster any of his past annoyance. Instead of her horrid walker and piercing eyes, all he saw today was destruction. The metal table and chair she sat in were twisted scraps, macabre statues memorializing the fragility of life. There was no relief in this silence.

The glint of light came again near the table as Renji was turning away. He sighed as he stood from his spot and decided to investigate what could be causing it. He knew it wasn't something that should concern him. It clearly wasn't a hollow to do battle with. But something in him thought he should check to make sure there was nothing else to threaten Ippin lingering in the bushes near her spot. It sure felt a lot like guilt pushing him forward.

All her belongings had been cleared by the mother of the little boy she saved, taken home for safe keeping until the mother saw her again, so Renji was surprised to see her glasses stuck in the branches of a bush. They must have been tossed from the fray when the table basically exploded.

_Great. Not only did you land her in the hospital, ass hole, but she is also pretty much blind in there. _

Renji was so lost in thought that he didn't notice the large figure approach behind him until a heavy hand landed on his shoulder. In a movement too fast to follow, Renji had his sword drawn and at the throat of the larger man, stopping himself just before drawing blood. He recognized the hulking figure, clad modestly in coveralls sporting an 'Abuelo's Construction' patch. The man's face didn't waver at the steel so close to his neck, or the impressively fast move that put it there. Instead he sighed and stood still, waiting for the blade to be dropped.

"Sado," Renji stated, sheathing his zanpakto.

"Renji," the big man replied in a low rumble, "I had heard you may be off your game, but I am glad to see that does not seem to be true."

From anyone else, Renji may have taken that as an insult, but Yasutora Sado did not insult people. He did not intimidate or bolster, he just said it like it was. Which made Renji feel even worse that it may just be true. He had let the hollows past him, and a human had been hurt. A jewel of a human. He hadn't even tried to release Zabimaru, focusing on just letting out his rage. Renji scowled as he fiddled with the delicate glasses in his large hands, "What are you doing here, Sado?"

Raising an eyebrow, Sado gestured at the destruction around them, then pointed at the patch on his chest. "Rebuilding."

Renji rolled his eyes, "I guess I should have connected those dots, huh?"

Sado let out a grunt in response, turning his attention instead to the glasses Renji kept turning over in his hands. "Are you losing your eyesight, too?"

Renji shot him a glare, causing Sado to give a small smile and pat his shoulder again. "I know about the girl; Inoue was never that great at secrets. Those belong to her?"

Sighing softly, Renji nodded his assent, "Yeah, they're hers. They got lost in the chaos, I guess."

"Fortunate that she is alive and has you to bring them back to her, then," Sado said softly, stepping away from Renji, who's head had shot up in what could almost be described as fear. Before he could reply, though, Sado had already walked away, picking up the destroyed remnants of patio furniture as he went.

_Damn him_, Renji thought as he took another swig.

A vibrating in his pocket cause Renji to inwardly groan. He pulled out the cell phone that functioned as his hollow finder and saw a dot rapidly approaching his position. "A-fucking-gain? For the love of— this is the fourth one today!" he angrily whispered into the wind.

Placing the bottle of sake precariously on the edge of the sill, Renji tucked her glasses into his pocket and pulled out his sword. Alighting into the wind, Renji flash stepped to the hollow's location, making it back to his spot on her windowsill in less than 5 minutes.

Picking up his sake upon returning, he could see that Mara was awake again and sitting up in her bed, so he settled in on the sill to wait. He had only planned on coming to the hospital to drop off her glasses. Sneak in, sneak out, and good riddance. He had been startled to see that she was awake when he arrived at her window and the sight had stilled him in his tracks. Still hooked up to the plethora of machines, she was difficult to look at. A nurse had been in with her, moving a wicked looking needle around in her thin ankle. With the bed lifted to an angle he could see her face, though most was blocked by the mask and tube. She had stared blankly at the far wall, eyes glazed and distant, not moving a muscle during what appeared to be a rather painful procedure. At the sight of a single glistening tear rolling down her cheek, sparkling like a diamond, Renji had almost lost it. He couldn't believe they were causing her **more** pain. His grip on the brick at the edge of the window was so tight in holding himself back that he had cracked them. The nurse finally finished and wiped Ippin's tears from her cheeks. Renji realized then that Ishida had been right, they had had to run an IV line through the girl's ankle because the veins in her arms were too broken.

He had wound up perched on the windowsill all day, minus the all-to-frequent hollow to dispatch, observing her day around her. She was different than he had previously imagined she would be. She would write on a little pad when Ishida was in the room to communicate but, for the most part, her large expressive eyes did all the talking for her. She was polite and demure, but Renji saw the willful and strong side come out at certain moments. When she had to have the breathing machine removed was one of those.

Renji had watched her get more and more fidgety as the morning wore on, more than once tapping the shoulder of whomever was in the room with her and then tapping the mouthpiece, raising her eyebrows in question. They would always smile gently, nodding and leaving the room and she would huff back, eyes wide toward the ceiling, tapping her fingers impatiently. Finally, Ishida had come into the room and she had practically bounced with joy, eyes alight. Renji couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to be greeted like that, but he shook himself out of his reverie as he watched Ishida sit her fully up and tilt her head back. Her whole body had convulsed for what had seemed an agonizingly long time while the surprisingly large apparatus was pulled from her small frame. The stress of seeing her in such obvious pain, yet again, had Renji holding onto the bricks. This time he broke them.

Nothing prepared him for what came out of Mara's mouth when it was out, however. After gasping a few times, she rasped at Ishida, "Holy shit-balls, Doc. About damn time. If a killer robot had sex with the devil, that would be their love-child. Fuck!" Renji, only a few sips into his sake at this point, had almost fallen off the ledge laughing. He muffled his laughter as best he could so as not to be detected, but he did notice Ishida cast a brief angry look at the window.

After she was off the breathing machine, Renji began to study her in earnest. Her lips were a bit chapped but there was a small smile still gracing them at being free. The removal of the machine also meant that the restraints were taken off the bed, making Renji and his animalistic nature breathe a sigh of relief. He was amazed to see her poise during the many shots, IV rounds, and other things that had to hurt. She would always zone out and stay perfectly still, with only a silent tear drifting down if the procedure got painful enough, though that was apparently quite rare.

_You really are used to this, huh Ippin?_ He thought, taking a long swig as his eyes followed another glistening tear down her cheek. Renji found that the sake was a better distraction from her gemstone tears than breaking the stones of the hospital. Yet after each horrible thing she was put through, she would shake her head, wipe her eyes, and smile at the worker, thanking them for helping her in a voice that grew more musical each time she used it.

It amused him when he saw that this patience with people did not extend to paperwork. She let out more creative insults at the sheets of information than he had heard strung together in a long time. Each time she would finally get frustrated and messily toss the pile of papers on the rolling table at the edge of the hospital bed. Then she would straighten them, pick them back up, eventually throwing them back on the table. Lather, rinse, repeat- with more choice expletives each time. Of course, it didn't seem to help her frustration that she had to hold the papers roughly 6 inches from her face to read them, Renji realized, fingering the frames of her glasses yet again. He just needed an opportunity to drop them off and disappear.

She had napped a few times in the day, giving Renji ample opportunity to sneak her glasses in, but he had never had the heart to risk waking her up- or so he told himself. In reality, he took those moments to observe her resting face. In sleep, the pain didn't touch her, removing the circles from under her eyes and the slight furrow from between her brows. Her lips seemed to naturally curl into a small smile. He would get so sucked into wondering about her that she would awaken before he had even thought about slipping inside the window.

Now, however it had become dark, and the bottle of sake was nearing its end. She was asleep, had been for a while. He knew he needed to drop her stuff in and detach himself from her. It was now or never.

Slowly, Renji eased open her window and stepped into her room without a single sound. He padded over to the bedside table and gently set her glasses on top of the hospital paperwork that littered it. Glancing at it, he saw that it was some kind of forms to be signed, detailing something in a foreign language. There was also an EMT report that he could read with an explanation of action taken that was apparently awaiting Ishida's acknowledgement. Renji barely moved the paper, to see if it said anything more than what Ishida had told him yesterday, but it was enough to send the small plastic cup off the edge of the table. Renji, quicker than sight, reached over and caught it before it could hit the floor. Unfortunately, he could not catch the small bit of water that had been in it, which splashed quietly on the floor.

Wincing, Renji set the cup back silently on the table and hurried on silent feet back to the window, preparing to make a bolt for it.

"Renji?"- smallest murmur had come from the bed.

He froze.

_Fuck._


	7. Chapter 6: Battle Scars and Badassery

I'm so happy to see I have some readers you guys! I'd love some comments but its honestly really cool just knowing that some of you out there are getting to share what rattles around my head and may even like it! I'm headed on my vaca today but only for a couple days, so you will probably get the next chapter Thursday-ish... It's written but it takes me like 5 read throughs to get these thing legible, forgive me if i missed any typos or code.

Well, here we go, the first real meeting! I don't own Bleach or it's characters, just Mara.

**Chapter 6**

It was him. He was back… she almost couldn't believe it as she called out his name. Her vision may have been blurry, but you couldn't mistake that red hair for anything. His broad back was to her and she could tell he had tensed when she called out for him.

"You're Abarai Renji. Please… please don't go."

Seconds seemed like hours as she watched him stay still. He seemed to imperceptibly shake his head and mutter something to himself before he straightened slightly, still saying nothing.

"You know I can see you. That doesn't seem to be changing anytime soon, so standing still won't make you disappear. You aren't a gecko."

The quip startled Renji into finally reacting, turning his head just enough to throw her a look over his shoulder. "I know. But I don't see why that is a reason to stay." He stated tersely, reaching for the windowsill to haul himself out.

"No! I- I'm sorry! I just needed- I wanted to…" Mara's mind just couldn't seem to keep up with the words she wanted to say under his piercing stare. She couldn't meet his eyes, flicking her gaze around the room until they alit on the table beside her. "Ooh! My glasses!"

_Is she for real? I have seen this girl dive from hollows and take needles in her body bigger than she is. Why is she acting so antsy?_ Despite his wonder, Renji couldn't help but fight the grin at her happy reaction as she slid the glasses on, sighing in relief.

"Wait," she said, drawing him out of his musing, "Did you bring me these?"

"Yeah," he replied with a shrug. "The, uh, the kid's mom- the one you saved- took the rest of your stuff to keep it until you came back." For some reason Renji found himself stuttering back now that she was looking at him again. _Damn those gemstone eyes of hers._ Shaking his head, he added, "'Fraid that jacket of yours is trashed, though. They had to cut it off you."

Mara's pale cheeks flushed a slight pink as she looked down at her battered and exposed arms. "Oh." was all she said, shoving her arms under the blanket that lay over her lap. She took a steadying breath before looking back up at him, her face much more distant and reserved. "I, um, I had a lot of questions but, I- uh- I understand you not wanting to be here," she said softly, "most people don't because they don't know how to react or handle… all of this." She gestured her head toward the machines then back toward the lump of her arms under the blanket. "Just… thank you, Renji. I may not have a lot of life left, but you saved the last precious few months of it. So, thanks."

If Renji had doubted he still had a heart, it was confirmed then that he did because he could feel it breaking for the frail girl in front of him. _How lonely is she that she assumes isolation will come just because of her scars? How insecure is she? Does she not see that she is… Ippin?_ Heaving a sigh, Renji finally lowered his hand from the window, taking a step back and turning to face her fully.

Her unsure gaze tore at him as she saw that he wasn't leaving. Renji ran his hand down his face, wondering why he had drunk enough sake to make him think that talking to Mara was a good idea. "Look… you shouldn't thank me. My oversight almost got you killed. I should have protected you, but I was- I was distracted," He ground out. _Distracted by you, actually,_ he added silently in his head. "And as for not wanting to be here, I don't."

_Of course he doesn't. It's probably bad enough for a reaper to have to be seen or something, let alone by someone weak and destroyed inside like me._ Mara resisted the urge to hang her head and curl up in a ball under the blanket. Fighting tears, she kept her eyes meeting his. _It probably doesn't help that he sees me as ugly and scarred, too. If everyone else does, how could Adonis fucking not?_

"But it's sure as shit not because of what may as well be battle scars that I don't want to be here. That's a stupid ass reason to bail on someone, even for me. You were brave when I was weak, you acted when I didn't, and you almost killed yourself to protect a life when that was supposed to be my job. I don't want to be here because you have every right to blame me for what happened, to hate me. I failed you. I don't want to be here because it's making me face my own fuck up. But I'm here because for some reason I don't want you to hate me." The words had spilled out of Renji before he really thought to say them. Her wide, scared eyes had just bulled it out of him. Forcing a smirk and air of indifference, he couldn't help but add, "Well, that and your damn glasses."

_Holy crap, is he—_ "Are you serious?" Mara asked incredulously.

Tattooed brows lowering in confusion, Renji replied slowly, "Yeah. Yeah I am."

_He doesn't think I'm… repulsive or too… battle scars? He's the freaking ninja. Wait, that means he really does blame himself. I'm alive so he didn't fail… and he doesn't want me to hate him? _The thoughts were coming too fast for Mara to keep up with.

"There's no reason you should blame yourself, you know," she said softly, trying to come out of your stupor, "You did save me. And if that whole deal out there of you turning super-ninja and killing three monsters- I mean hollows- was you not doing your best, then I may be scared to see you in peak form."

"They got around me. It's unforgiv-"

"Oh, no sir," she cut him off. "If I don't get pity parties, then you don't either. I got hurt, yes, but I knew what I was doing. I knew I'd wind up here, at best, the moment I left that chair without help. But YOU- without you, I would have died. That's happening fast enough but you gave me the most important thing to me: Time. I- I could never hate you for that. If anything, I hope you aren't going anywhere soon," Mara gushed out, hoping he would understand, could understand. It wasn't right that he felt that way or saw himself as a failure when he was clearly a hero that had kept hell itself from her. And had brought her glasses to boot.

Renji stood rooted to the spot, shaken by her words. No one had had believed in him for years. Certainly no one had thanked him or complimented his fighting from a hospital bed that he had practically landed them in. Shaking his head with self-deprication, he could barely meet her eyes as he scratched the back of his head under his ponytail, nervous energy coursing through him. Her eyes almost shone with how much she believed what she was saying.

"Clearly," she added lightly, trying to diffuse some of the tension in the room, "you are handy in a pinch. You talk about my 'battle scars' but you're obviously the warrior and I don't see a single scratch on you. So, you are both brave and really good at what you do."

Renji couldn't help but crack a smile at her obvious flattery and dry delivery. "Meh, scars are cooler. I seem to have a problem getting them, so I went with tattoos."

At Mara's easy smile Renji finally relaxed, leaning against the wall facing her bed. "Then again, you have tattoos strongand/strong scars, so I'd say you're still winning on the bad-ass scale."

Giggling to herself slightly, Mara finally withdrew her arms from under the blanket. "Oh yeah," she drawled, "because nothing says bad-ass like a medical alert tattoo. I could have just stuck a 'fragile' sticker on my arm and achieved the same result."

Now it was Renji's turn to chuckle softly. "It was actually really smart, you know," he said gesturing at her arm," not only can you not lose it, but you got it in the language of where you went. You have clearly learned fast but I can tell you aren't a native speaker. Plus, you have that one on your side so that's hardly the only tat to judge you from."

At Mara's surprised gasp and wide eyes, Renji realized he had just said more than he had meant to. "I thought they only cut off my jacket!" she exclaimed.

"They did!" Renji said quickly. Realizing he couldn't backpedal out of this one, Renji sighed and admitted, "OK, I was here with Ishida yesterday."

"Her eyes narrowed at him as she tightened her arms to her body. "No shit, Sherlock. How do you think I know your name?" she asked in a deceptively calm tone. "How does that lead to you apparently seeing more of me that I thought?"

"Oi! Watch your mouth at what you're implying, woman! I don't do that shit. Ishida rolled you over to check stitches while I talked to him and happened to see the tattoo. Just the edge!"

Relenting slightly, Mara raised an eyebrow, eyes twinkling, "Just the edge of my ONE other tattoo, huh. At least I know you really didn't peak too bad." Now it was Renji's turn to raise an eyebrow right back. "After all you Just saw the edge of Just One of my tattoos," she continued, chuckling a little as his other eyebrow raised in a look of surprise.

_Is she… teasing me?_

It was such a foreign feeling, to have someone smile in a way that was almost… coy, even though there was genuine laughter lighting up her eyes. She sparked his curiosity. For the first time in an eternity, or at least in seven years, Renji couldn't resist the urge to smile. Her slight smile grew at seeing his grin emerge.

"Hey, don't get any ideas," she quipped. "Besides, I'm pretty sure mine have nothing on yours, regardless of how many I am hiding. Maybe when I get out in a couple days we can compare a tally."

Renji couldn't resist the low chuckle he made and full-blown smile. "Yeah, you don't get any ideas either. You can only see a fraction of them," he replied, lifting his arm and flexing his fist, seeing his own tattoos dance over his hand with the movement. He couldn't help wondering what other jewels danced on her skin though, remembering the sight of her slim side. He tried to rid his mind of the view of her painted marble skin disappearing into the shadows of her hospital gown by steering the conversation back to safer ground. "So, dare I ask what questions you had for me?"

Mara's smile faltered as her mind started to race again. She had been in a daze after seeing Renji's smile transform his face and new instinctively that she had just witnessed a rare sight. "Oh yeah… I mean… I don't know where to start," she stuttered. "I guess, okay, you're a Shinigami right? A reaper?"

Nodding yes, Renji waited silently for her to continue.

"Well, where I'm from, a reaper is this skeleton in a black cloak with a big scythe that come to kill you. But Dr. Ishida said you don't do that. Now, he won't say anything about it at all. I mean, if you were going to kill me then you would have," Mara let out a nervous giggle as she rambled, "So, like, what do you do exactly? You just kill hollows and, I don't know, save souls?"

Renji patiently waited as she stumbled through her question. While he found her nerves amusing, he recognized how this must be hard for her. She was obviously in a strange situation, had been for a while, but it was more than that. _She's scared,_ Renji realized._ She's dying and she knows it. She wants to know what happens._

"That's exactly what I do," he replied calmly, "and try to save the occasional living human that gets stuck in the middle. I keep hollows from eating souls, purifying them through their death so they can reclaim their place among the souls in Soul Society. I also send lost souls to Soul Society." Obviously, he was simplifying it for her, but he didn't want to overwhelm her too much or push the rules about exposure too far. He continued in his gentle tone, "Not all souls get stuck here for me to send on. Plenty die in peace and move on on their own, never facing any danger from hollows or having to meet me."

Mara nodded absently as she processed his answer. "The occasional human…" she muttered, latching onto part of his answer, "so there's more people like me? I mean I know Dr. Ishida can see you, and it looked like some other people at the café would look at you, but Dr. Ishida hasn't talked about it since."

An involuntary scowl crossed Renji's features and he had to fight to keep his tone kind, orange hair and purple eyes flashing through his mind. "There have been others that had rietsu like you and could see, but you are the only one I know of that got it because they were that sick."

Face falling at his expression, Mara replied in a small voice, "I'm sorry if I shouldn't have asked that. I just-"

"No," Renji cut her off, "it's not you. I promise." He managed a small grin, relieved to see some of the concern ease from her features. "Its just been a really long time since I had to think about some of the stuff that went on a long time ago. But yeah, you aren't the first."

"Ok," she sighed. _There's a story there I bet, she quoted to herself._ "What's a rietsu?"

"It's spiritual power or pressure. It's emitted by a soul and shows how powerful they are. Its very rare to be elevated in any soul, let alone a living one. The hollows can often detect it which is why they chase after souls to consume them, hoping to make that power their own."

"You mean, normally living souls don't have any of the rietsu?"

Renji nodded.

"It must have changed something when I died then," Mara muttered seemingly to herself.

"I'm sorry, when you **what**!?" Renji exclaimed, scoffing.

"Oh yeah," she said, meeting his wide eyes. "Five years ago, I had a crisis where my body just… quit. I couldn't breathe and had apparently been officially dead for a couple minutes before I even got to the hospital. They were keeping me alive by pumping air for me and defibrillation in the ambulance. Then I collapsed again at the hospital the first time they tried to take the ventilator out," she scowled at the memory. "That's when it started at least, me seeing the ghosts and the monsters… hollows."

Renji was riveted to her story. _Holy shit. That explains some of it then. She isn't just close to death, she's been there._

Renji met Mara's piercing gaze. "That could do it," he replied, but he was interrupted from continuing by a loud vibration.

Mara looked at him questioningly while he pulled the cell phone out of a pocket in his uniform.

"Reapers take phone calls?" she asked incredulously.

"No... it's an alert about a hollow in the area," Renji said distractedly, watching yet another red dot headed his way. _They've got to be coming for her._ "I gotta go."

Renji stood up straight from the wall and began heading back toward the window, never tearing his eyes from the screen and it's rapidly approaching target. He paused at the window, her slight whimper drawing his focus. Softening his expression at her fear, he smiled sideways at her. "I do this all day, every day, Ippin. I won't fail you again."

"But when- will I see you again? There so much more…" she trailed off.

"When you get out, you know where to find me." _Plus, I doubt I'll be far since my work keeps running towards you._

Renji took an athletic jump up and out through the window and out of Mara's view., Missing her last question and odd look.

"Ippin…?" She trailed out- but he was already gone.

"Well," she mumbled to herself. "I don't know if I made a friend or not but at least I know where to go"

Leaning back in exhaustion from the exertion of her conversation, Mara looked at her 'battle scars' with a new and very slight sense of peace as she pushed the call button for the nurse on duty. She replayed their conversation in her head, relishing the man's every word and expression. _And that smile, God. Who knew death could look so good, or be so kind?_

The nurse stuck her head in Mara's room to check on her call, interrupting her thoughts. "Sorry to disturb you with this but… What does 'ippin' mean?"


	8. Chapter 7: Old Dog, New Tricks

I'm back guys! I told you it wouldn't be long! It helps to have stuff prepped. Anyways- I'm really really trying with the characters to not make this crack, I am and I would love some comments or messages to let me know if you think I am doing ok with this so far or if you think I need to tighten it up more and how. With Renji relating to Mara, if you are interested, I'm kinda channeling the feeling in "Diary of Jane" by Breaking Benjamin. (I'm probablly showing my age here, but I see Renji's personality as like 90% og breaking benjamin) so feel free to listen along to that as you read for some mood setting. I may let y'all know what I'm working to from time to time if I think it helps you see where i'm coming from, music is miraculous like that

Okay! Enough from me, back to the fun!- that I mostly don't own *wink wink*

**Chapter 7**

Renji was back on his jut of stone overlooking the river. Eyes closed in the darkness; he relished the calm feeling the morning sounds brought. He had to hand it to Sado, they got the repairs done and the business back up and running in record time. It was a relief to have some sense of normalcy around him, because his mind was pure chaos.

_I wonder if she will be back today, _he though listlessly, beginning to hear the first commuters.

He hadn't actually planned on waiting 3 days to see Mara again until she found him in the normal spot, but no matter how many times a day he went back to the hospital he just couldn't seem to get up the courage to go back in the room. He had even ducked when she had glanced toward the window. Multiple times.

It wasn't any reason to do with her why he wouldn't go back. Who gave a fuck if she was sick, if she had bruises and scars? Not him. Humans were weird, to alienate someone so good over something so insignificant, he concluded. It was **her **that drew him to that damn hospital every day.

No, Ippin wasn't why he couldn't go in. He was. She made him feel and Renji wasn't sure that he wanted to. The morning light hit right as he began to think about the eyes it matched, and all Renji could remember were the angry tears Rukia had shed the last time they spoke. When he had yelled at her about not caring but hadn't been able to tell his own feelings. When she had said he betrayed her and was useless. When she had made it clear that he was nothing, to her or anyone else.

Renji watched, reliving his agony, until the blue sky appeared and he could breathe again. Blue. Yeah, he wanted the feelings that she stirred in deep in his chest. The fragile strands of hope seemed weak, so weak, compared to the metric ton of baggage in his heart, but Renji wanted them so badly! ... But still he couldn't muster up the nerve to go in the hospital. He thought he had gathered the courage last night, hopping up to her windowsill again, only to find her room empty. Thanks to that last hollow fight, he must have missed her leaving. It wasn't hard to figure out which direction she lived as he fought two more hollows that had been headed north in the direction of the river, but he wasn't willing to let them get close enough to actually find out which house she was in. He could have looked, he knew, but he just… couldn't.

_I guess old dogs can't learn new tricks, _he scoffed at himself as he rose to leave, _Still howling at that moon with no courage to jump._

"Going so soon, Renji?" Mara's musical voice behind him asked.

Renji couldn't help but smile as he turned to see the petite woman in front of him. _She came._ Swallowing the tremor he could feel in her presence, he took in the sight of her for a moment. She was even more pale than normal but seemed little changed by her stay in the hospital, except that she now wore a slightly smaller but still baggy navy blue hoodie. "You seem to have a knack for stopping me in my tracks. I didn't hear you coming, new walker?' he asked, gesturing at the device she leaned on.

"Huh? Oh… yeah," she replied. "Mrs. Baku- the little boy's mom- called the hospital saying it was too damaged to work and bought me a new one. They gave it to me the last day I was in. Can we sit?"

Mara gestured toward the tables. She was already breathing heavy thanks to trying to go out and about after being bedridden for the past days. _He actually showed up and was waiting for me. He really will answer my questions, too! I just can't believe… It doesn't help that he's even better looking in the light and he's so close I could touch him. That would take any woman's breath away._

"Of course!" Renji said, following her to a new table in the courtyard. She slumped into the chair and Renji could see how much the trip to the café had taken out of her. Within a few minutes, though, she seemed to relax, crossing her legs on the chair and stretching back as the waiter set up her customary umbrella before she even had to ask.

"You know, when you told me to find you here, I had my doubts about coming," she said, looking around them, "but they really did get this place back perfect in record time. Guess you can't stop commerce, huh?" She threw him a lopsided smile.

"More like you can't stop Sado," Renji replied. "He's a force of nature in more ways than one. It was his company that fixed it up."

Mara raised her brows at him. "You know a builder? Is he one of the other ones that's like me that… you… never mind. Sorry," she drifted into a mumble, scrunching her brows together. She remembered how his face had fallen when she mentioned others like her before.

"Don't be sorry. You shouldn't be afraid to ask me questions after I told you that you could," Renji smiled ruefully. "Sado is actually a great guy, and I'm glad I still have him as a friend. He had latent abilities that were awoken because of how close he was to… someone else of high ability. Like you."

"Is that why Dr. Ishida can see you too?" Mara questioned as she still mulled over his last answer in her mind.

"No. Ishida is a Quincy."

A wry smile cracked across Mara's lips. "Ah yes, a Quincy. How very explanatory."

Chuckling, Renji rolled his eyes at her. "A Quincy is a race of humans who can see what you do and have fought both hollows and Shinigami in the past. Ishida can see us because of his lineage. But, as far as I know, he is the last one since his father has never seemed keen to join him."

"Huh, so what about the chick that seemed to be able to see you. What's her deal?" At Renji's confused look, Mara added, "The one who is a nurse at the hospital. Auburn hair, body like Barbie…."

"Ah! Inoue Orihime," he told her. "Believe it or not, she is probably the most powerful of the humans that can see, and she may or may not be dating your doctor. Inoue started seeing for the same reason Sado did- proximity to power. But unlike Sado, her power itself came from both her and her brother's love- long story- and it resulted in her being able to do a variety of things, not the least of which is healing."

"Wait," Mara paused, "Do you think she could… I mean… do you think she could heal me?" The hope in her eyes made it physically hurt for Renji to answer her, his eavesdropped conversation fresh in his mind.

"No, I'm afraid she can't, Ippin," he said softly, hating how the light in her seemed to fade with his answer. "She did come heal you, you know," he said in a low voice, "after the attack. She's why you got off the ventilator and out of the hospital so quickly."

Steadying herself with a deep breath, Mara locked her misty eye's with Renji's, reading the truth there. "Well, I owe her a thank you then. I hate that fucking machine."

"I know," Renji said with a comforting smile, daring to reach out to cover her small hand with his. His heart seemed to lighten just an ounce when she didn't pull away. "I was watching over the hospital and may have caught you explaining to Ishida exactly what you thought of it."

Mara had the courtesy to blush thinking about what she had said. "Oops," she said with a smile, looking at his hand on hers in curiosity. "My mouth sometimes has a mind of its own."

"Honestly, I laughed so hard I almost fell off a ledge."

Mara's face lit with recognition, "Is that why he kept glaring out the window!?"

Renji started laughing in full force remembering Ishida's angry look. "Oops," he said, echoing her and cracking them both up as he unconsciously twined his fingers with hers.

_Oh holy hell… what am I… what is he… and why does this make me way too happy? _Mara wondered looking at their joined hands again. "Renji?"

"Hm?"

Mara didn't want to break the moment. His hand was so warm and made her feel oddly safe. She could feel her heart racing. She had been so isolated for so long. She wasn't sure who cut off who really after she got sick in the last year of high school. She couldn't go out with her friends. They didn't want to be cooped up in hospitals. She couldn't relate to and didn't have patience for their current problems, they didn't like how serious she had become. Maybe it went both ways. All she knew was that she had gotten very used to waking up alone, spending her day alone, and going to sleep the same way. It was yet another way Mara felt that she was already dead. No friends, no man- it lessened the possibility of her hurting them when she left or of being hurt when they couldn't handle her life, leaving her to die alone when she thought she wouldn't be.

_When did I get so weak? _She wondered. _This is a different kind of weak. I'm used to my body but my will was iron. I'm just so… scared of it all. Of even enjoying This. It's holding a hand… _She absently rubbed her thumb over the edge of a tattoo on his knuckle._ Ok, its holding hands with a tatted-up Greek god but it's not like I'm falling for him. Hell, I don't know what this is. Oh, shit, he's not even human, really. He's a Shinigami. This probably means nothing to him. _And just like that, the fear won. She opened her mouth to speak, looking up, but was surprised to see his dark gaze levelled at her.

"What is it, Ippin?"

"Why do you call me that?"

It was Rengi's turn to look lost in thought for a moment before replying too casually, "Your hair. Ippin means gem. I'd see you every morning and your hair would shine like a sapphire in the sun. You looked like a gem."

"Uh-huh."

_Fuck, come on man, _Renji berated himself. _Old dog, new tricks…_

"Look we both know I'm dying- for real this time- and that's why I have all these questions, and more I don't even know how to ask yet. You are giving me answers, probably out of some sense of guilt. And that's... that's all there is here, right? You don't have to comfort me," she said through gritted teeth, beginning to extricate her hand from his, "and you don't have to play like you like me in some attempt to make me feel better. I know better, Renji. Everyone leaves. And I don't need some false hope of…"

_Hope of what, Mara? Being cared for? Being loved? You know better than that._

_ "_Some false hope of fucking companionship, I guess. Death ends it all anyways."

Renji's hand tightened on hers, refusing to let go. "Death doesn't end anything for me, remember. I am death," he practically snarled. "Don't mistake me for some mortal idiot. I am here because I want to be. For the first time in a long time, I'm doing something that I want to. I have seen more of you than you know and I sure as shit don't feel like leaving now."

At her doubtful gaze, Renji finally steeled his courage.

Looking at the horizon over the river, he continued, "Do you know why I came to this spot on the river every morning? I loved a girl once, had loved her my whole life and she… let's just say it wasn't returned. So, I chose this assignment to be alone and wallow, honestly. And I came to this spot every morning because there's a moment when the sun rises that the whole sky goes purple and the river reflects it- the exact purple of her eyes. I came here to drown myself in it: to never forget her, to never forget the pain, to punish myself, too, maybe. I did nothing at sunrise. That was my time with her and for 6 years now, every morning, that's what I've done and nothing has ever distracted me from it. Even Sado and Ishida knew to handle a hollow if it came at sunrise, because I wouldn't. Nothing could tear me away."

Renji lifted their joined hands up for her to see. Her gaze flitted to their hands before she fixed back to his face with rapt attention. "Then you happened. Every morning, my purple haze was cut off by a twinkling gem of blue. I hated it at first. You'd come in on that noisy ass walker and I'd miss my last minutes of her. But that day- the day of the hollow attack- you turned to the sun and I saw your eyes light up like amber in onyx on alabaster skin. Your hair shining... you looked like you were created by an artist out of the stones themselves. So, I started calling you Ippin in my head. It doesn't just mean gem, it means article of rare beauty. I'd never seen anything like you."

Mara dropped her eye eyes back to their hands. She was overwhelmed.

"Even I didn't realize I was describing you so accurately until I saw you dive for that kid. Even more when I realized that you did so knowing what it would do to you. So, yeah, I want to be here." His thumb rubbed the back of her hand. "Maybe I want to be distracted finally. Who knows, maybe it'll all blow up again on me, too, but there's nothing saying I can't comfort you, or be your friend, or…. hold your hand even. Will you let me do that?"

_Well… wow. _Mara sat in stunned silence. He wanted to be here, and death couldn't stop him. How could she say no. Biting her lower lip in thought, she looked up at Renji with wary but hopeful eyes. There couldn't really be a man this perfect… But maybe there could be a Shinigami that was.

"Mara… Ippin… please let me try. I- I see you and all I know is that it makes me not want to be in this alone anymore," Renji pled, his confidence waning.

Still worrying her bottom lip, Mara gave him a small smile and nodded, and Renji's heart did a double beat.

"Maybe I am, too," she admitted. "I have to warn you though, I am terrible when it comes to the night life. Clubs aren't my thing. No room for the walker." Renji couldn't help but smile at her dry humor even she used to it to cover very unsure, dark feelings. "And I still have a metric ton of questions, so you are gonna have to put up with those, too."

"Ask away," Renji said through a smile, leaning back in his chair.

Laughing softly, Mara attempted to get her scattered thoughts in line. "Soul Society," she finally said. "You and Dr. Ishida both mentioned it as being where 'good' souls go so I assume it's like heaven?"

"It's actually much more in depth than the western view of heaven that I think you are referring to. Soul Soc-" Renji was cut off by the loud vibration in his pocket. Whipping out the phone he checked to see a hollow coming in and closing fast.

"Duty calls?" Mara asked, trying to hide the disappointment on her features.

"I can be right back, Ippin," Renji said, squeezing her hand.

"No, I'm back to my morning infusion routine so I should go. But, um, when… when will I see you again?"

"Same time, same place?" he asked as he stood, giving her hand a final squeeze before releasing it.

"Deal," she agreed, flashing him a sweet smile that made Renji hate leaving all-the-more as he flash stepped away, disappearing in front of her eyes..


	9. Chapter 8: Bucket List

**Chapter 8**

"It's not that I'm not taking you seriously, Renji," Mara said emphatically, looking over the magazine that she was lazily flipping through, "I just don't see the point."

"Hey, I don't see the point of you having 'props' for us to talk but you don't see me pointing out how ridiculous that blinking thing in your ear is. Or how you have been 'reading' the same magazine that you stole from Ishida's office for a month and a half," Renji replied petulantly, giving her a mock pout.

Shutting the magazine that she had yet to pay attention to, Mara locked eyes with the captivating man in front of her. _Who could concentrate on anything but him anyways?_

"No, you don't ever point that out. At all," she retorted dryly, enjoying the twinkle in his eye as he bit back a smile. "But I am not taking off the Bluetooth, Ace. Do you not remember how many people came up to ask if I was okay because they saw me talking to air every day?" She asked with a smile.

True to his word, she had found Renji waiting for her every single morning at the café pavilion for the past two months. He had patiently addressed all her questions, only interrupting their conversations to go protect the town from hollows. It seemed he was having to do that more and more often lately. When she asked about it, he told her that he was finally focusing again and so had to fight more but he had seemed strangely evasive, even as he answered. She didn't pry, though. There were so few questions that he avoided that she figured he was entitled to a little privacy sometimes. True to his word, however, he had answered all her questions about what was to come.

Renji was all she had hoped he would be and more. He had become her confidant, her most faithful friend, and the sight her tired eyes looked forward to every morning. She often wondered if he was always at the café before her because he still watched the sunrise- still waited for the infamous **Her** to appear every morning. She couldn't help the twinge that thought would bring her deep in her chest… was it jealousy?... so she avoided that thought. She did note that he had stopped waiting on the stoop that overlooked the river, and instead was always in the chair at her table. She took it as a comfort in her lingering insecurity, even though he had never done more than hold her hand.

"Ace?" he asked, tattooed brows raising.

Mara adjusted her position to ease the pressure on her hips. She observed his questioning look as she scooted on her chair in the shade where she had reclined with her feet crossed on top of his leg where he sat across from her in the sun. Marveling at the easy comfort between them that had developed so quickly, she watched his large fingers absently play with the delicate thread anklet she wore. She was often amazed by the gentleness that came through every touch of his rough, tattooed hands.

"I'm trying it out."

Snorting softly, Renji gave a sardonic smile. "You know, **your** nickname actually means something."

"Who says yours doesn't?" she quipped back.

"Ace? Sure it does." The sarcasm was heavy in his voice but she could see the warmth in his eyes even as he rolled them at her.

_Aisare shi-sha is what its for, ass, _Mara thought at him. _Beloved. Its just too long to be a nickname, so I shortened it. _

Mara didn't know exactly when she had started feeling more for Renji than just curiosity and hormones. It could quite easily be when he had asked to stay around her, oddly vulnerable in his display for such an imposing man. It could also have been that it grew every day, each time he showed up. He didn't just make her day better, he proved himself with his presence. He had seemed to grow each day too. The heart-stopping smiles came more frequently as his look became less and less guarded. Maybe they were good for each other, she hoped.

This feeling was new, that was for sure. Mara had kept her distance from people for so long that she wasn't even sure enough of herself to verify that love was what she was feeling. So, she didn't offer any more explanation to the man in front of her, offering him only an enigmatic smile in hopes that he would relent.

"Fine, fine… keep your secrets, woman," Renji grumbled halfheartedly. He flicked her ankle gently as he continued, "Now! Back to the matter at hand… there has to be something you want do before you die, Mara. Don't all you humans have some kind of bucket list thing? What's on it?"

Mara leaned her head back and groaned at the sky. "Renji," she pouted, "I just told you. I don't have one. There's no point. It's not like I can do the whole 'go skydiving' or 'climb Mount Everest' thing anyways, so I never bothered thinking about it. It's already getting harder and harder just to make it to the park here; what else am I supposed to attempt to do, hm? Besides, you already told me that I will be healed and whole in Soul Society and that the world will be my oyster there because of the rietsu thing, so I'll just do all the fun stuff I can think of now when I get there."

Renji's hands paused the fiddling at her ankle for just the briefest second causing Mara to shoot a calculating look at him. The slight hesitation in his movements made her wary that something she had said hit a nerve, but his face gave nothing away, or so he thought. He was being… too stoic. Mara knew it was a habit he had picked up from his old captain, he had told her, but had apparently not gotten very good at until his long-term assignment in this world. He didn't lapse into that deceptive calmness often around her, making the change all-the more apparent.

"Right, Renji?" Mara probed, nudging his arm with her foot.

_God damn those gemstone eyes of hers. Why does she have to be so observant? _Renji asked himself, unwilling to meet the probing look he could feel her giving him. The nerves crept in again at the truth he hadn't told her yet. Things were going so well with her that he didn't want to jinx whatever feelings may be growing between them by telling her that her mind, like her body would most likely also be transformed. While souls coming in could often retain some, generally spotty, memories of time as a ghost, it was very rare for them to retain memories from their time in the living. _What if she shuts me out or orders me away from her when she finds out that death can still build a wall between me and her? 'I am death'- who the fuck was I kidding. She won't remember and will just slip through my fingers…_

Renji's dark thoughts assailed him, keeping the mask in place, until he finally met her eyes. The questioning look had been replaced with nothing but concern. She pulled her legs off his lap and gestured for him to slide over and join her in the shade. As soon as he settled closer, she wrapped her small hands around one of his, lightly tracing the designs from the back of his hand up his forearm. Renji could feel himself relaxing at her ministrations. He couldn't help the sigh that escaped him when he looked down to see their hands together but even he couldn't tell if it was from contentment or sadness.

"What aren't you telling me, Ace?" she asked softly.

Renji tensed again. Try as he might to shut himself down, he sure as hell couldn't do it with her gentle fingers dancing up his forearm leaving goosebumps in their wake. She could see a conflict roaring on his face before he finally took a deep breath, steeling himself against what he was about to say. He locked his gaze to hers before dropping his eyes, unable to look at her. He had never denied her information she asked for about what was to come, knowing the comfort it brought her. _I'll be damned if I start now. _

"When you go to Soul Society, you already know things will be different. You may possibly still have scars and tattoos, some souls seem to keep them, some don't. But… but you may not have your memories," he finished in barely a whisper. "People who were ghosts first often remember parts of their time as ghosts but it's really rare for people to remember when they were alive."

Her fingers paused their track on his arm and Renji's breath hitched. _Here it comes. _He shut his eyes tightly as if preparing for a physical blow.

Mara resumed her tracing on his arm. "So," she said sadly, "What you are saying is that I will be alone again." Mara cast her eyes down, studying the designs she was outlining through quickly blurring vision. _I knew it was too good to be true. Even if he is willing to stay past death, it looks like I won't._

"No!" Renji exclaimed, more harshly than he intended. He reached with his free hand to lift her chin to make her look at him straight on again. "I swear you won't have to be alone. I will ask for a placement back in Soul Society, something easy and on the outskirts. If you don't remember where to go, I will find you." Drawing a shaking breath, he continued, "And so help me, Ippin, If you don't remember who I am then I will teach you. If you can't remember, we will make new memories."

Diamond tears pooled at the edges of Mara's dark lashes. "Really?"

"Really."

She nodded slightly to herself. _There are no words. I can't even jumble my own head because there are no words for what this man just gave me, even if the me I know goes away. I think I really do love him. _

So Mara said the only thing she could manage: "I wish I could go to the beach."

Renji's hand dropped from her face in surprise. "What do you mean you wish you could go to the beach?"

After sniffing a couple times to get herself under control Mara eventually replied, "You wanted my bucket list. I wish I could go to the beach again. My parents used to take me to a beach in South Carolina every year. It was a small one, not a big touristy spot, and I would stay out in the water for hours. I could swim and surf the little waves. We would catch fish for dinner at sunset and build a fire at night. My brother and I would call truce for the entire trip and play together. I taught him to swim, believe it or not."

"You liked to swim?" Renji asked gently, hoping to keep her going on this rare glimpse of her past.

"Yeah, I loved it," she answered with a wistful smile. "I swam like a fish. Also laid in the sun for hours on end. I actually had a tan! Damn meds make me avoid sunlight like a fucking vampire." She said laughing. "If there's a chance I am going to forget it all, I would wish I could go to the beach again. I miss my family and it would remind me of them."

Renji couldn't help but chuckle at her earnestness. "You know there is a beach only half an hour away, right? Why don't you just go?"

"Oh, sure, let me just up and go to the beach," Mara said sarcastically, a sardonic smile gracing her lips. "Let me just take that walker **over sand **and then sit in the sun for a few hours while I stare at the ocean I can't swim in. Mmmm, dream vacation there, Ace."

"Point made, Ippin," Renji said, "Then I guess **I **will just have to take you to the beach."

At this, Mara couldn't help but laugh out loud. "Are you going to carry me over the sand and to go swimming?"

"If you need me to, why not?" Renji asked reclining back in his chair, "Don't think I can?"

Mara took the excuse to eye his muscular frame. She could feel the hardness of his physique under her fingers as she traced all the way up to the swell of his impressive biceps. Renji's eyes followed her fingers with rapt attention, imagining them tracing more of his extensive tattoos, the collection of which had only grown the past years. Suddenly the beach seemed like an excellent idea.

"I'm pretty sure you could bench press me, honestly," Mara said breathily, a flush rising in her cheeks. Renji zeroed in on the way she licked her lips before she smiled up at him playfully. "But being that no one can see you and it would look like I was flying across the sand, it may not be the best idea."

_That, and being pressed up against you may be more than I can handle, _Mara thought to herself, worrying her bottom lip with her teeth again until Renji drew her attention back.

"Eh, I know a guy for that."

It was Mara's turn to furrow her brow at the odd expression. "Know a guy for what? How do you, as a Shinigami, **know **people? Especially a guy for… what exactly? Non-floating-in-thin-air beach trips?" she rambled.

"Yeah. Hat and Clogs has a lot of tricks up his sleeve," Renji said smiling.

"Your guy's name is 'Hat and Clogs'? What the hell? Who do you know?!"

Her confusion was priceless, making Renji laugh deeply for a minute before answering. "His name is Kisuke Urahara, but everyone just calls him Hat and Clogs. You'll understand if you ever meet him. He's odd as hell but brilliant. As for what his solution is, however, you will just have to wait and see."

"Oh come on, that's not fair!" Mara complained.

"If you get to call me Ace for some reason, I am more than allowed to save some information as a surprise," Renji said with a twinkle in his eyes as he rose to stand.

"That time already?" Mara asked, unhappily releasing his hand.

"Yup. At least your infusions are only every 3 days now," Renji said as he turned around and wrapped his hands gently around under Mara's arms, helping to lift her to standing. "I think Ishida is finally giving in to letting you live what time you have left out of the hospital."

"Yeah, I don't know if I should be relieved or sad about that. The infusions aren't doing anything except hurting at this point," she sighed out as she leaned heavily on her walker. "Then again maybe they were doing something… I can feel my body giving out more every day. It's like dying in slow motion."

Renji placed his hand on her back, partly to comfort her and partly to keep her moving forward. He walked to her to where the medical van waited to pick her up. Mara had stopped being able to get on the bus a couple of weeks before.

"Keep your head up, Ippin. Its only getting worse before it gets better," he said, tightening his grip on her thin waist when it felt like she was wobbling.

"Renji?" she asked in a small voice as they approached the van.

"Hm?"

"You promise that if I lose all this, you'll find me again?"

Renji couldn't resist stooping to press a kiss to her temple as they stopped in front of the van. "I promise, Ippin."


	10. Chapter 9: Is This The Real Life

Well I completely missed my intro on the last chapter, but non of y'all seemed to mind. So.. ta-da! Beach trip, part 1.

It may be a couple days before the second half because I do have a lot of work piling in, but i will do as best I can

**Chapter 9**

Lowering herself into the café chair, Mara couldn't help but feeling deflated. For the first time since their initial meeting at the café, Renji was not there. She could see that he wasn't in the chair she kept there for him from a distance, but she had even swallowed her pride and looked around the park fence where he used to be. She wasn't sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing that he wasn't on the ledge overlooking the river where the sun rose. All she knew was that he hadn't shown up.

It didn't help her mood that she felt awfully exposed in her outfit today. The entire past week since she had told him, Renji had not stopped pestering her about going to the beach. He had also told her in no uncertain terms that she needed to wear a swimsuit today. Mara, however, didn't own a swimsuit, and he had not given her enough time to order one online. As such, she turned to the only other female she knew that may be willing to go shopping for her- Mrs. Yamaya. As the old lady puttered excitedly, even getting her measurements, Mara had steeled herself for what may come home in the shopping bag. She knew that she was barely bigger than a child at this point thanks to all the weight the medicine had made her drop, so she knew that a brightly colored, cartoon printed atrocity could very well be in her future. She also took into account Mrs. Yamaya's age and traditional Kimono dress style and wondered if she would wind up some crazy 17th century bathing costume.

Nothing, however, had prepared Mara for the stringy, tiny, black slips of fabric that Mrs. Yamaya had pulled out of her bag. The top was a maze of strings and intricate crochet that seemed to frame her breasts for display, but at least it felt secure. The bottoms were another story. The only solid parts of them covered the most important bits, the sides also joined by a mass of woven strings that met and plunged right at the top of her ass. She had to admit that the suit did look good. Its intricacies distracted from her scars, and the woven forms seemed to produce curves from where they had long since left.

After helping Mara straighten the strings out, Mrs. Yamaya had run and come back with another bag, this time pulling out a dark teal maxi dress and a gauzy, light blue long sleeve wrap to cover her arms from the sun. Mara had initially breathed a sigh of relief as the dress settled loosely over her skimpily clad form, fitting like her shirts and able to be slid off her shoulders. The relief had only lasted a moment, until Mara had taken a step and found that the slits on the side actually reached all the way to her hips.

Mrs. Yamaya had beamed with pride at the result. Taking Mara's hand she had led her outside to go this morning, catching her as she tried to tug the skirt slits down for the umpteenth time. "Mara-chan," she had said, "I know this is not normally your style, but I also know you have met a boy. It is clear as day on your face. Let this be a chance to stun him!"

_Oh yeah, _Mara thought to herself as she finished the rest of her iced coffee in a long gulp, _I'm stunning. A stunning idiot. _So focused was she in glaring into her drink that she didn't notice anyone coming until the shadow they cast fell over her.

"I think the drink is already dead, Ippin. Glaring at it and stabbing it with the straw won't do anything to bring it back."

_He came. I should have known better than to doubt him. _Mara wasn't quite ready to let him off the hook though. "You're late." She said, laying on the grumpy voice.

"I'm sorry! Hat and Clogs made me pay for services with labor this morning, then I had to get into this thing… ugh. Its hella better than my last one but still a pain in the ass. C'mon, Mara, don't be mad," Renji asked, sounding hurt.

Mara turned to look up at Renji, to tell him she was only joking. She really did mean to say it was all okay, but all words died on her tongue as she laid eyes on him.

_Holy. Hell._

The piercing eyes, the tattoos, the long red ponytail… It was still Renji alright, but it was so different to see him look relaxed and… modern. The high collar and baggy pants of his uniform had been replaced by a thin, gray shirt and fitted dark wash jeans. The sleeves of the shirt were pushed hallway up, as was the front zipper which exposed the lines of thick tattoos on his broad chest. Old habits did seem to die hard though as Renji kept his thumb hooked on the edge of his pocket, near where his sword normally was. Mara could only open and shut her mouth with no noise as she gazed up at him.

_He could be a fucking model. I am going to the beach in a barely-there suit with a mother fucking model._

"Oi," Renji exclaimed, dropping into a squat next to her to look in her eyes. "You okay?" He asked, tilting her chin to look at him. The concern on his face jogged Mara out of her reverie.

"What?! Ha- oh yeah… um, fine… I'm fine, mm-hm, " she managed to garble out

Renji cracked a crooked smile at her reaction but didn't press further. He knew that he looked good, and he had realized while getting dressed this morning after putting on the gigai, that he should use that to his advantage. He wanted all of Mara, not just her friendship. He would use any tool he had at his disposal to make her His Ippin. Mind, body and soul.

"You ready to go then?" he asked, rising back up to tower over her after grabbing a bag from the ground.

She craned her neck and licked her lips, unconsciously but enticingly at him. "Yeah, Ace, let's do this."

Renji lifted her up under her arms, noticing the dress falling loosely around her. "Nice dress," he whispered hoarsely, seeing how it split as she walked.

_Damn, maybe I'm not the only one bringing their A-game, _he thought ruefully, guiding her to the cab that he had already flagged for them.

"You already got a cab?" she asked. At his nod, she whispered "So, everyone can see you? How?"

Renji smiled, shutting the door behind her, waiting to answer until climbing in his own side. He was momentarily distracted by the long expanse of porcelain skin that was on display where her dress had pulled out of the way when she slid into the car. "They- uh- they can all see me," He leaned close to whisper. "It's called a gigai and Hat and Clogs is the master at making them. They are basically a body match for our souls to go into in case we ever have work around here that involves interacting with the living. For all intents and purposes, it's a body."

Hesitantly, Renji raised his hand up and set it on her bare thigh. He could feel the cool press of her soft skin against his hand. "See?" he asked, oddly apprehensive that she would pull away from his intimate touch.

Mara, surprising him as always, practically doubled over to inspect his hand where it rested before covering it with her own. She then traced her favorite path up his tattoos, eyes following her exploration closely, making it to the edge of his sleeve before she stopped and looked up at him curiously, "It's exactly like you! Is it really exactly like you? Does it have to look like you or could you go into any random body lying around?"

Renji chuckled at her enthusiastically peppered questions. "Yes, it's exactly like me, in every aspect. Being what my rank was, I definitely have to wear one. It dampens my rietsu. And yes, it does have to be exactly like me or I can't enter it or leave it. I don't know why; I assume it has to do with the soul recognizing the body. One time, Maderame decided to permanently affix a wig to his gigai to get away from this crazy girl, but then when he tried to get out, the gigai was affixed to his soul by the head! God, watching him try to get out of it was priceless."

"Maderame…. Ikkaku? Wait, the one that was always 'I'm super bad-ass' with the secret banky? He had to fight his own hair?" She asked laughing, causing Renji to laugh along even harder.

"Bankai, Ippin. And yes, the one and only," he managed to get out between laughs.

"Be nice, I'm trying!" she pouted. Her smile gave away her mirth though, as she tried scooting closer to him. He wrapped his hand around her inner thigh to help her scoot closer, sucking in a heated breath as he realized exactly how close they were and how she leaned into his touch. "Tell me about the others, again?" she asked sweetly, "If there's any chance of keeping my memories, I need to make sure this info is in them."

"Alright," he said patiently, relishing the feeling of her head resting on his shoulders, watching the blue strands of her hair curl around his own vibrant read. _This is the life, _he thought as regaled her with every funny story he could remember of the higher ranks for the entirety of the ride to the beach.

Mara calmed her laughter, a deeper giddiness settling in as the cab pulled up right next to the dunes of the beach. She pulled herself out of the cab as Renji grabbed his bag, leaving instructions with the cabby of when to come back with her walker. She stood looking out at the wide, bright blue expanse of the horizon as Renji gracefully scaled a dune. The salt was thick in the air, so thick that Mara could smell it and feel the long-removed stickiness coat her skin. She closed her eyes, feeling the sun on her face for a brief moment, relishing the pure joy of memories and warmth. It had been so long since she could get to a beach back home, so very long. The sound of the ocean roared in her ears, before she heard his voice, deeper than the waves.

"You ready to play at the beach again, Ippin?" Renji asked.

Mara smiled and opened her eyes to what could possibly described as one of the best sights she had ever seen in her life. Renji stood smiling at her from the foot of the dune, hand outstretched to her, crimson hair blowing in the slight breeze. He had already divested of his shirt, leaving it wherever he had put their belongings, and Mara went breathless. The man was simply stunning. The tattoos that she had known were extensive made her mind reel in the flesh. The dark streaks of ink that cut across his chest were just an extension of the designs she often traced on his arms. More marks started in the center of his washboard abs and cut across his sides like tiger stripes, accentuating his impressively muscular build and giving the impression of a dangerous big cat, feral and powerful. The stripes continued all the way down his sides and over his hips, where the front tips disappeared under his waistband, as if guiding her eyes to dangerous territory.

Mara peeled her eyes from the sight of his body and back to the hand extended to her, feeling suddenly nervous. But then she looked at his eyes, so kind and shining with feelings that seemed to echo her own. The gentleness in his face seemed in contrast to the power and ferocity of the body in front of her, but she knew he was always gentle, at least with her. Her smile grew as she stepped forward and took his offered hand.

In just two steps, however Mara remembered why she didn't brave the beach as her feet sank into the sand and her knees gave out. She scrunched her eyes shut and braced for impact with the ground, but she never reached it. Instead, she was engulfed in warmth. She opened her eyes to find herself pressed up against the hard wall of Renji's chest. He had moved like lightning, scooping her up bridal style and holding her close before she had barely moved to fall. She pressed her face against his shoulder, grounding herself in his solidity. _He smells like cinnamon, _she was surprised to note, before looking up at him, so close.

"I'm sorry… I told you I can't do beaches anymore," she said ruefully.

Rengi chuckled lightly and she could feel the deep rumble against her. "There is no reason to say sorry," he murmured in her ear as he guided her arms to wrap around his neck, sending chills down her spine. "You can do anything you want, Ippin. I've got you." Renji quickly scaled the dune, pausing at the top for her to get the view of the horizon.

Her arms held him tighter as the sunlight touched her face and she looked up at him, stealing his breath. Renji could swear his whole body was electrified. She was so close, so beautiful as she shone like a jewel. _Even more beautiful than the first time I really saw her._ He couldn't help himself, bending down so that their lips were but inches apart, but he with drew at the last minute and placed a gentle kiss on her brow. _Don't'… don't push her. You still don't know what she feels…._

Mara fought a sigh as they descended the dune. _So close…. I know he wanted to kiss me, didn't he?_

Her thoughts jolted to a stop as he carried her to a lounge chair under a wooden cabana. The area was stacked with pillows in every varying shade green and blue, matching the sparkling water, layers on top of wicker furniture and white cushions. Gauze panels hung on the sides, filtering the bright light without darkening the area It was like a slice of heaven, shaded over even more by some stray palm trees that had managed to stay rooted in the sand. There was cold water and even a battery-operated fan clipped to the post nearest her chair. The beach was secluded with only a few visitors and just a shaved ice stand off to the side. She looked up at Renji in amazement.

"This is beautiful! How did you- did you do all this?" she asked in wonder, gesturing at the set up around her.

Renji looked sheepish, "Yeah. That's why it took me a week to arrange. You really like it?"

"Like it?! Renji this is… perfect," she trailed off to a whisper. "If I have to stare at the ocean, this is the way to do it- oh!"

Renji pulled off his pants, revealing the board shorts under them as he heard her trail off. He looked back to see her eyes glued to him. He shook of his reservations and dropped to a crouch next to her chair. Her wide eyes never left his face. "There is no sitting and watching the ocean for you. You," he said emphatically are going swimming with me."

Mara didn't respond, but her wide eyes took on an uncertain cast again. "But-"

"Nope, no buts." Renji stated, standing and raising her off the lounge to set her on her feet in front of him. You wore your suit, right?" He could feel her tense as he fiddled with the edge of her light wrap, noting how her breath hitched as he peeled it off her shoulders. Trailing his fingers down her bare arms, he gathered the wrap from her hands and tossed it on the lounge. He could feel her goosebumbs as he slid his hands back up her arms to fiddle with the straps of her dress. "You want to go swimming with me, don't you Mara?" he asked in a velvet voice.

_Oh, swimming isn't the even in the top five of what I would do with you right now, Ace, if you keep touching me and talking like that… but then I have to show you… me._

The thought of stripping to her swimsuit jolted Mara out of the spell he was weaving. "Yeah! Oh yes, I mean- I do. I do want to, but my suit, um…" Mara started stuttering, "I mean, I am wearing it but its, um, not- uh-"

Renji cut her off with a smile, stepping back to give her room to find her head again. "You already told me that your landlady was shopping for you and it probably wouldn't be your style. It can't be that bad." He couldn't help but raise his eyebrows at how she wrapped her arms protectively around herself.

"Yeah, no, it's not- it's just.."

Renji's smile widened and ha laughed out, "She got you that Hello Kitty one didn't she? Oh, you were so scared about it being pink and cartoons!"

"No," she said, still unsure of herself.

"Oi! Come on, lets go swimming! It can't be that bad."

Taking a deep breath, Mara finally untangled her arms from around her and reached up, pulling down the straps of her dress and letting it pool at her feet. She looked down, cheeks tinged a deep pink. She didn't want to see his reaction. Mrs. Yamaya had aimed for stun, but Mara had never felt stunning, even when healthy. Now she just felt self-conscious and grossly inadequate in front of the man that defined the word handsome. She twiddled her fingers in front of her, still not daring to raise her eyes to him, as the seconds of silence dragged on. Mara began to turn her face away from him, raising her arms to cover her scarred body when her wrists were gently wrapped in an iron grip.

Renji had watched the dress fall in rapture. He was frozen. Porcelain skin was only made to shine more as it contrasted with the artful black ties crisscrossing the intimate areas of her body. Renji could barely catch his breath as he saw the TWO large, stained-glass style tattoos shine like a cascade of jewels where they wrapped around her waist to curl above the tiniest pair of woven bottoms. He was also amazed to see two more tattoos on her hips, catching glimpse of the center of their colors and designs through the black crochet. He led his eye upward to where a sinfully provocative top hid just enough skin to infuriate a man. He looked at her in adoration until he realized that she looked like she was hurting.

"Look at me, Mara," he said as he held her wrists gently back from the path of shame she was trying to carve out for herself. _How does she not see that she is beautiful? So fucking beautiful inside and out. _

Mara shook her head, firmly facing the ground, so Renji did the only thing he could think of. He dropped to his knees in front of Mara, bringing him up nearly to her shoulder still, and looked up at her face. He released her wrists and took her around the waist, pulling her flush up against him in a strong embrace. "Ippin," he said, seizing her eyes with his, "why are you trying to hide from me?"

Mara's look was guarded and her smile tenuous as she placed a hand on his cheek. "I'm not… I'm not pretty like I was before. I know it. And I don't fault you for trying to make me…"

"Don't even start," he ordered in a no-nonsense tone. "I don't know how, but you seem to have no idea that you are Ippin- rare beauty in every way. And I will not have you getting yourself down… on our beach trip of all things!" He smiled at her and she let slip a grin.

"Look at what you do to me, woman," he half groaned out, "You literally brought me- an elite lieutenant, the best of the best, and a cold-hearted bastard to boot- **to my knees**. And I would gladly stay here and worship at your feet if you asked me to. You are a treasure."

She couldn't help but giggle at his expression, but the seriousness in his eyes brought a true smile to her face. _I do love this man, what the hell did I do to deserve him._

_There she is, _Renji thought at the sight or her smile reaching all the way to her eyes, _I love that smile. I… I love this woman._

Even as the realization knocked him on his ass, Renji smiled genuinely at her. He schooled his features so that she couldn't see how heavy what he had just realized really was. He didn't want her going back in her shell again. Instead, he picked her up as he stood, like she weighed nothing. "Alright then, lets go swimming!" He hollered, laughing at her surprised shriek as he ran them to the waves.


	11. Chapter 10: or is This Just Fantasy

Ok guys, so the crazy work load has hit. Since writing this is how i unwind from insanity, I will still be producing chapters, but at a slower pace. I will try my best to get these out every 2 or 3 days until the grind lessens and I can go back to an every day thing. Thanks for your patience!

Don't own, blah blah... oh this chapter has some hintings of smut, be warned, but not enough to yank off the T rating yet

**Chapter 10**

"AH! Cold, cold, COLD!" Mara squeaked as the waves came up to caress her legs where Renji ran her into the sea.

Renji couldn't help but laugh as she clung to him like a spider monkey, if only to distract himself from the press of her so close on him. "It's really not that bad!"

"Maybe not where I'm submerged but those waves are cold!" she laughed out as another wave swept them from the side, causing her to arch her back into his chest, making him shiver at the contact. "See!" she exclaimed, "You feel it to!"

_Oh, I feel something, Ippin, but the cold isn't it._

"You are right, it is better when you get into the water instead of the waves," he said with an impish grin, "hold your breath!"

"Wait… what?!"

"Now!" Renji instructed as he dove under the next bank of waves. He held her close to him with one arm while paddling forward for a brief moment before darting upwards, not wanting to test Mara's weak lungs.

She came up with him, sputtering. "Dude! Ace! That was-" she cut herself off when she saw his smile and started giggling from out of nowhere. "That was like SWIMMING! Can we do it again!?" Her excitement was palpable.

Another wave threw salt spray into the air as Renji turned to catch it against his back, but still she shivered as it rose up to their waists before dropping back lower.

"Yeah, let's clear the worst of the waves. Hold on tight!" He replied laughing as her cheeks puffed out, her eyes alight. Renji dove under the next wave as it swelled, letting her hold onto him as he paddled out further so they could bounce on the swells before they broke.

This time Mara came up from the water laughing. The water ran in rivulets from her seascape hair and gathered like crystals on her eye lashes. The sun reflected the amber in her eyes and Renji couldn't help but think that he had found a mermaid when he looked at the excited woman in his arms.

"Oh. My. God. This is epic, you are EPIC, Renji!" Mara squealed, unwrapping her legs from his waist. "I'd forgotten how… weightless the water is. I can move!"

Missing the feeling of her wrapped around him, but mostly worried about her leaving his protective buoyancy in the water, Renji held fast to Mara's waist. "Easy there, mermaid, you told me you couldn't swim anymore, remember?"

Laughing in delight, Mara gently pushed herself away from his grasp, holding onto his shoulders instead. "Don't worry, Ace, I just want to move in the water for a sec! I promise I'll hold on to you," she said as she circled around him, using his arm and shoulder for leverage.

Renji watched her in amusement as she gallivanted in the water, the biggest smile he had ever seen lighting up her face. He held out his arm so that she could walk her hands out it. She perched like a mermaid on a stone at his hand facing the sun before turning back to look at him, beaming and laughing. Circling Renji's hand she pulled herself down the back of his arm. She made herself twirl, going hand over hand against the rail he'd formed of his arm, like a water bound ballerina, before twirling into his back. She wrapped her small arms over his shoulders, pulling herself up against his back.

Reflexively, Renji reached up to hold her hand, where it splayed over his collarbone. The press of her body into his back, smooth skin sliding against his, drove him to distraction and he almost missed her words at his ear.

"I told you I'd hold on to you. I never want to let you go, Aisare shi-sha," came the softest whisper, lips nearly grazing the sensitive skin of his neck.

Renji stiffened in shock. _Did she just call me-_ but before he could turn to see her, to make sure he heard her, Mara had already moved back again and over to rest her head on his other shoulder.

Her infectious smile was back in place, "Can we swim again!? Please, Ace, please, can we?"

Renji was still shell shocked and nodded blankly at her before coming back to reality. The amber glinting in her eyes made his heart pound in excitement of his next surprise. "We will definitely swim again," he said watching her smile grow impossibly wider, "But first, you need these!" Renji produced a snorkel and mask from the pocket of his board shorts under the water.

"How did you- we're going snorkeling?" she asked with confusions, before her face lit up again. "We're going snorkeling?!"

"Yup! No fishing on this beach, I'm afraid, but I thought you may like seeing the reefs here. They're some of the most pristine around Japan and… be careful!" Renji laughed out as she almost fell off of him in her hurry to get the mask on. He held her steady with an arm around her waist while she situated the mask before moving it up to her forehead to wait on him.

"This is too cool, Ace! Oh my gosh! You are amazing! This will be so cool! I've never actually been snorkeling," She rambled a mile minute while he put on his own mask.

Renji held her hand and circled back to his back, guiding her hands to rest on his broad shoulders. "Hold on tight, and tap me if you need to come up sooner, ok?"

"Yes, sir," Mara purred, digging her nails into his shoulders briefly.

Renji couldn't help the growl that rumbled deep in his chest. _Little minx, she has to know exactly what she's doing. _Casting her a heated look over his shoulder, his breath hitched at the sparkle in her eyes as she bit her lip before she lowered her mask and put in the mouthpiece. He lowered his own with a low chuckle and swam them out a little deeper with powerful strokes before going under the water.

Mara had to catch the gasp she was about to make when she saw the reef laid out in front of her. Little fish of every color flitted between branching corals. Renji brought them close as she excitedly pointed at the schools of sea bream and skipjack passing by and inspected sea urchins as they meandered their way across the rocks. She especially loved the red dragonettes that would pop their tiny bug-eyed faces out from crevices in the rock, even if Renji did have to catch her hand a few times when she pointed out to close to a wobbegong or eel hiding in plain sight.

Up and down Renji would take them, floating on the surface whenever a stingray or eel would pass so they could view from above, and diving to a new section of reef each time, until he started to feel Mara's grip waver. He whirled her around under the water, bringing them face to face before rising a final time. She sagged against him in exhaustion but with a wide smile on her face. He lifted her mask off when he saw her struggling with the strength it took to pull the straps and stowed it and his back in the cargo pocket of his shorts before slowly starting to pull them both to shallower waters.

"Come on, Ippin, let's get you back to shore to rest."

"But I don't want to," Mara complained sleepily. "It's magical out here… You made this truly magical, Ace."

Reaching sand where he could stand, Renji adjusted his hold on Mara, facing her to him so he could see her face. Even as weariness weighed on her features, she put on a dazzling smile. "I just- I wanted you to love this as much as you used to. I know I'm not your family, but-" Renji scowled trying to find the words, but cast his eyes back to the mermaid in his arms when she put her hand on his cheek, smoothing the furrow from his brow.

"Renji…" she trailed off, looking in his eyes, "It was perfect because of you." Mara pulled herself forward and placed a light kiss against his lips, ridding him of any protestations. "I wouldn't have wanted today any other way," she murmured gently against his mouth, before kissing him again. Her mouth moved softly against his, urging him on. Renji's hands glided up her sides as he began to kiss her back gently, one hand tangling in her hair as the other cradled her close to him.

_God damn, Ippin._

Her kiss was EVERYTHING. She tasted of salt and sweetness. She was so soft against him, her body pressed against his and her lips caving to his touch. But when Mara let out a small moan, a mewl of pleasure that echoed against his chest, Renji's control finally broke. He fisted his hand in her hair, deepening the kiss and crashing his lips against hers, harder than the waves that surrounded them. His teeth nipped at her lips until she opened up for him, letting him plunder her mouth with his tongue.

Mara explored right back, nails grazing his shoulders before twining in his hair. She lightly bit his bottom lip as she pulled herself more tightly against him with her legs eliciting another sexy growl from the beast of a man in her grasp.

Renji's hand wove inside the edge of her bathing suit bottom, grabbing her hip to grind her into him, causing Mara to moan into his mouth. God, the noises she made were so fucking sexy. He pulled her head back with the fistful of hair in his hand and layered kisses down the salty skin of her neck before biting the junction of her neck and shoulder, eliciting another cry from her, before pulling her down for another soul searing kiss.

"Renji…" she wimpered against his lips.

"Mara," he murmured, moving his hand down to cradle the back of her neck. "Do you have any idea how long I've wanted this? Wanted you?"

"Two and a half months?" she asked impishly, smiling against his mouth.

"Damn it, woman, you could break a man," he replied with a chuckle, moving his hands to just cradle her close, kissing her sweetly as she sagged in his arms, strength spent.

"I think- I think I need to go in now, Ace," she murmured sleepily against his neck.

"Okay, Ippin," he replied, nuzzling her cheek as he lifted her like a bride and carried her out of the surf back to the cabana.

.

.

"Nope, that's an adjuchas," Renji smiled down at Mara who was reclining on his chest on the lounge in the shade.

"Ugh, don't hollows suck enough without their hierarchy being shite?" she grumbled.

Renji chuckled, sending vibrations through her body and she stretched against him. "You got this, Ippin, I know it's a pain in the ass," he murmured against her hair.

"Okay. So, if an adjuchas is a form of a menos then an arrancar is the one that removes it's mask... right?"

"Mmhm"

"And the top tier of those is the espada? Ugh," she said with a shiver, "I hope I never meet one of those. The hollows were monsters enough before I knew that was the bottom of the barrel."

Renji wrapped his arms around her before pulling her up his body to face him. He placed a gentle kiss against her mouth, feeling her relaxing into him. "They are- less than fun to deal with. But I've got you, you won't need to worry."

She drew away and looked at him with narrowed eyes. "You mean to tell me that you've actually fought one of those things?"

"I've fought a few of those things," he replied with a crooked smile. "Lived to tell about it and everything. To be fair, I had help with most of them, including from Ishida."

"You really are a bad-ass," she told him through giggles. "And to think of Dr. Ishida facing that is weird."

"Don't be fooled, Ishida can keep up with the best, no matter how mild his bedside manner is nowadays," Renji said with a snort. "Who do you think I called to make sure that I didn't have to work today?"

"Sado. He seems to be your favorite."

Laughing, Renji placed another kiss on her smiling lips. "Yeah, I asked them both… but Sado is my favorite."

"Hey!" Mara protested in mock outrage, "I thought I was your favorite!" Screwing p her face in a cute scowl, she made to climb up off him.

"Oh no you don't!" Renji laughed out, smoothly flipping her underneath him.

Raising an eyebrow, Mara set a defiant tilt to her chin. "And how do you plan on keeping me here, huh?"

"I'm pretty sure I can convince you to stay," Renji murmured against the shell of her ear before nuzzling against her neck as she tangled her fingers in his hair. Bracing himself on one arm over her, he allowed his free hand to roam up the sensitive skin of her sides and under the edge of her scant top, eliciting a breathy gasp.

Mara's nails scratched down his side as she tightened her hand in his hair, pulling lightly, causing Renji to growl deep in his chest. He bent and bit over the sensitive tip of her breast before replacing the pressure with his fingers and sliding his moth to nibble her collar bones. Mara gasped at the pressure as his knee separated her legs and his fingers grow more insistent. "Renji…" she whispered with hesitation.

"Yes, Ippin?" he said, smoothing his hand over the now-peaked flesh he had been toying with before grazing her cheek with the backs of his fingers. Mara's cheeks flushed as she looked to the side, suddenly shy and embarrassed. Cradling her cheek, Renji turned her back to face him. "What's wrong?"

"I just- I want to, Ace, I do," she stuttered, "But I can't do- I can't. I can't breathe if…"

Rising up from over her, Renji sat down on the lounge next to her before lifting her up to sit on his lap. "I know," he said, nonplussed, "Did you forget who was carrying you around all day?" At her slight smile, he continued, "I'm not with you to get in your pants, Mara, even if they are highly tempting. I'm with you because… I care about you deeply."

Not missing the hesitation, Mara looked at him closely. _Is it possible he's as scared as I am? _She wondered.

"And I guarantee," he growled into her ear as he tickled lightly up her sides," that I want our first time together to be when I know you won't forget it."

Laughing, Mara leaned close and hugged Renji tightly aound the neck. She kissed him lightly as they heard the cab honk, come back to pick them up.


	12. Chapter 11: Going in Blind

New one's up! I'll try to stick to the every other day thing as best I can, guys.

**Chapter 11**

Cradling her forehead in her hand, Mara fought her building annoyance at the men bickering at the foot of her hospital bed where she was laid back out after her latest trip with Renji. After the dream of a beach trip the month before, Renji had made it his mission to make sure that she was able to do whatever happened to cross her mind. After kissing her passionately at the door when dropping her off that night, he had made her promise to come up with more fun things to do.

So, she did. Mara had no fear of going out and doing things with this strong, attentive man by her side. From eating ramen at the most revered noodle house in Tokyo to watching a traditional Geisha production in Kyoto, Renji was determined to make sure she did all she wanted before she died. However, Mara could feel how it was getting harder and harder to just to function and it was no surprise to her when her legs simply stopped working.

Renji knew it was getting worse too. He had to help her more and more, often having to physically carry her to her bed after one of their fun days. He had started to pick her up in the morning too, because the walk to the café was just too long now unaided. When she hadn't come to the door yesterday, Renji had barged in her cracked window to find her on the floor of her room. She had collapsed as soon as she tried to stand, sending her phone skittering across the floor away from her so that she couldn't call for help. Her lungs had been too weak from laying on the floor to shout for anyone. Renji had scooped her up and flash stepped to the hospital, moving too quickly for anyone to even see, and deposited her in the ER before going to find Dr. Ishida himself.

Now, here she was, back in the hospital with two men who couldn't seem to see past their own noses.

"How are you going to stand there and say that this is MY fault, Quincy!?" Renji roared at the bespectacled doctor.

"Well you don't see me traipsing her all over Japan!" Ishida hollered back, "You literally took her on a joy ride to Okinawa for SEAFOOD! She is weak, Abarai, what did you expect to happen?"

"At least I'm not hurting her," the red head growled out, gesturing to the needles and tubes stuck in the back of her hand and foot. "And AT LEAST I am making her happy and giving her some enjoyment, not locking her in a hospital room until she dies!"

"Dumbass! Your asinine bucket list quest is probably killing her faster! Why do you think she ended up here?"

"Back to me being the bad guy? Screw you, Ishida. There has to be something that you aren't doing."

_Oh, Jesus Christ on a cracker, how long have they been going at it like this now? _Mara rolled her eyes, sighing to herself.

"There's nothing else I can do, Abarai! If Orihime can't do anything, then there is literally nothing else I can do besides maybe small temporary boosts. But it would progress a lot slower if YOU didn't keep taxing her!"

"Oh yeah, blame the girlfriend for your failure, again!"

"Blame the girlfriend…? Oh hell no! You should be thanking that girlfriend, I seem to remember her saving your ass many times, Shinigami. And who do you think had to break their no fighting rule to help Sado take out a fucking Menos yesterday while you were on your little vacation."

"You said that you would be off yesterday and could handle-"

Mara's head shot up at the mention of the hollow, concern and curiosity warring on her features. "Shut the fuck up! Both of you!" She interrupted them. "What do you mean a **Menos** came here? I thought you both had said they stay in Hueco- Hueco- whatever. We get the dumb dumb hollows here…."

Both men grew eerily silent, guilty looks on their faces.

"What aren't y'all telling me?"

Renji was the first to speak, rubbing his hand down his face in a tired motion, "It is normally only lower tier hollows that we get, but sometimes the higher tiers come through."

"Clearly," she deadpanned, "But why is it here?"

Renji cast a beleaguered look to Dr. Ishida who picked up the explanation, "Mrs. Oliviera, we mentioned rietsu before, and how hollows chase it. They seem to be coming after you… and sending stronger and stronger hollows to do it."

Both men winced as if expecting her to lash out at them and freak out at the news of her targeting, but Mara just continued to stare at them. After they made no more moves to respond, Mara sighed and flopped back in the bed.

"I'm not sure if I should be flattered that you guys were trying to spare my feelings or insulted that you think I couldn't connect those dots on my own." At their blank stares, Mara rolled her eyes and continued, "Seriously? The café- hollows attacked with no ghosts around to eat and then you two start talking to me about rietsu. Not a hard leap to realize they were after me. The way Renji goes quiet after I ask about why it seems like he has to go off more often. Obviously, it's because there's more hollows. They have to be drawn here by something. Two plus two equals four, guys. So, what I want to know is when did we started upgrading to big bad guys instead of ones that y'all can kill with one hit."

The two baffled looking men cast a sideways look at each other before turning wide eyes back at her, neither of them speaking still.

"Okay, I didn't mean shut up forever?" she quipped, hiding her building frustration, "Its my legs that gave out not my brain. What are we dealing with and how can I fix it?"

Dr. Ishida and Renji cast another pensive look at each other before Renji finally levelled eyes with her. He studied her clear, intelligent eyes before nodding to himself and answering her. "About a week ago was our first menos, an adjuchas actually. Your rietsu is getting stronger and so it is attracting more and more attention. Even though the attacks by hollows have been getting more frequent, they were still one-offs. Even the adjuchas was a solitary instance. They work alone normally, and it came on its own. While they are more powerful than a gillian, more intelligent, the gillian that attacked yesterday is more of a worry."

Mara's eyes lit up as she began to understand. "You told me… gillians are mostly mindless and they don't leave their forest… unless they are sent or ordered to by something more powerful than them."

"Exactly," Ishida jumped in, "You've garnered some bad attention from higher up the food chain."

Renji elbowed him, grimacing at the expression and the look of consternation that it caused from the woman in the bed.

"Ouch!" Ishida yelped at the blow, "What?! She asked for the truth, that's the truth!" Ishida turned his eyes back to Mara. "The fact is, you are leaking out spiritual pressure like a faucet. Unless we can teach you to suppress it, the hollow invasion is only going to get worse. You'll be the next Kurosaki, spreading powers to people unknowingly and bringing Hueco Mundo down, literally. You also seem to have the same problem as him, though. You make rietsu but you can't sense it, even your own. Suppressing something you can't feel will be damn near impossible. We spent years with Kurosaki and he never got the hang of controlling his rietsu except how to grow it when he needed to, so helping you-"

Ishida cut off at her confused face. "Kurosaki?" she asked.

"You have got to be shitting me, Abarai," He said accusingly, turning bodily in his chair to face the Shinigami who now refused to pull his head out of his hands. "Of all the inane, ridiculous omissions… All your teaching and prepping her and you never thought to mention Kurosaki Ichigo to the girl? He's the most like her that we have record of!"

"I brought the bastard up, Ishida, just not by name! Besides, his was different. His dad was a Shinigami, captain level for god's sake. He didn't leak near as much rietsu as Mara until **she **gave him her powers. Fuck them both. They don't need names, she still got the lessons."

Ishida rolled his eyes, "You know if you're so damn happy now, you should be able to actually tell about the lessons from Rukia and Kurosaki without shirking details. All you'll do is set back what she can learn to try to fix some of this.

"Oh, because you've been so explanatory up until today," Renji accused, raising his head up to glare at the doctor.

"OI!" Mara yelled, snapping both men's heads back to face her. "First off," she ground out through clenched teeth, "I am still in the room, so talk to me instead of yelling at each other."

Both men opened their mouth to speak, but she cut them off. "Two, I don't care about how someone else handled it if I am different from them. He doesn't want to talk about it, fine," She said in a scarily quiet voice, looking at Ishida before levelling her glare at Renji, "but if you are denying me information when addressing it could keep people out of danger, then you need a reality check. Past is the past, Ace, and I'm willing to let you keep it there, but you've got to arm me with what I need if our enemies are getting worse."

Both men lowered their eyes again, thoroughly chastised, but Mara wasn't finished. "I clearly am going to need both of y'alls help to fix this rietsu thing, which leads me to my last point. You two need to get off each other's throats. Dr. Ishida… Renji is acting this way because he cares. He's just trying to make me happy and, if anything, that makes me feel better than these infusions. They're really just for show by this point anyways. I know you are trying to rein us in, but my body will do that for us. It was no surprise to me when it gave it out; I could feel it coming. Renji, leave the doctor alone. I'm dying. You know it, I know it, we all know it. My body is going to shut down and there is nothing any of us can do about it. There's no change in habits or miracle meds that will fix me. But I'm not scared to die, now. I won't be alone in it. And actually, you owe Dr. Ishida a thank you for keeping me here. I'm only granted my visa because of the medical study. The hospital pays my basic living expenses because of the study. Ishida isn't against us finding happiness, Ace. I failed his study, he has every right to end my involvement and send me home. Remember that as you try to blame him."

Ishida had the tact to not look at the dumbstruck man next to him, but he couldn't help but smile at the way Renji cleared his throat and adjusted uncomfortably before giving him a small appreciative pat on the shoulder

"So," she said in a much brighter tone, "Suppress my rietsu, huh? Who's going to teach me?"

Renji gestured absently to Ishida, still reeling slightly at finding out the debt he now owed the Quincy. "This is you, I'm afraid, being that you are the only other human in this room with a spiritual presence."

Regarding her closely, Ishida let out a small sigh. "You cant feel any rietsu, Miss Oliviera?"

"I think we've moved onto the 'Mara' stage, Doc, but no. I don't think so."

"Or," Ishida said speculatively, "we've never given you the chance to. Think about it, we've been so busy keeping all hollows away from you that you didn't get a chance to think about how they **felt. **The same applies to Renji and I. We both have to keep our rietsu suppressed if we don't want to drag unwanted attention to our positions or cause undue harm around us. Think about the café, it was the closest you've been to a hollow. I know you were in a panic, but did you feel anything when they were near?"

Mara's brow furrowed in concentration, trying to remember. "The ground shook when they landed but everyone felt that. I had a hard time breathing and there was this pounding in my head, like my sinuses decided to batter their way out through my face… that's all I remember feeling. That and fear."

Ishida pushed his glasses up his nose, thinking before he continued, "Unfortunately with your condition, I couldn't tell you if that was the spiritual pressure of the hollows or just you. Let's try something. Abarai, release some of your rietsu."

Renji looked over at Ishida doubtfully. "Are you trying to attract every hollow to us or tear down the hospital?" he asked making Mara's eyes go wide.

_I knew he was strong but is he really that…? _"You can take down the hospital?!" Mara asked, unable to fight her curiosity, "With just… with what? Your spirit?"

"I told you I was a lieutenant, Ippin, but really I was almost captain level. That comes with a lot of power," Renji responded with a smirk.

"You can pose for your 'top 20 most powerful in Seireitei' shoot later, Abarai," Ishida grumbled impatiently. "Just leak out a little. I want to see if she can sense it."

_Top… top 20? In all of the whole Soul Society that he told me about-_

Mara was jolted out of her thoughts by both men staring expectantly at her. "What?"

Renji stifled a chuckle, "I guess that's a no."

"Try a little more, Abarai," Ishida prompted.

Mara just kept staring at them, "What am I supposed to be feeling, Renji? I don't… I don't feel anything." Mara couldn't help but feel disappointed in herself. These people were saving her every day! If she could only help. She could feel her eyes welling up with tears with the strain so she closed them, trying to focus on feeling… anything. She tried to calm her breathing, feeling the stress make her muscles want to give out.

She suddenly felt the bed sink beside her as she was wrapped in warmth. Mara could smell the soft cinnamon scent and buried her face in Renji's chest. "I'm trying, I really am, I just don't know how to- I don't even know what I'm looking for."

"It's okay, Ippin," he said, cradling her against him. "I think that's enough for today, Ishida."

"Mara, I'd like to try one last time if it's okay with you," Ishida said slowly, ignoring Renji's glare. "An all or nothing one, then no more. Can we do that?"

_Why are you being so fucking weak, _Mara scolded herself, _It's just a try!_ Wordlessly but strongly, she nodded to Ishida.

"Renji, come toward the window," Ishida instructed. After a final squeeze and a kiss on the head, Renji wandered over to where Ishida was, looking curious.

"Alright, we are both going to let loose with basically all we've got. NOT enough destroy my hospital," he said, throwing a sideways look at Renji. "We unload. If she can't see it then, then we've tried the best we've got."

"Are you out of your mind?!" Renji shouted again, backing away from the window, "You will draw every hollow in a 50 mile radius! And then some!"

"Calm down, Abarai! If we only hold it for 10 seconds, then we can knock out the ones that are already on the ground but it wont be long enough for Hueco Mundo to open a garganta and mount an attack. We have to know! We'll be drawnd an at the ready to watch if any approach. You should release your sword"

Renji studied Mara in the bed. She looked so small in the bed with scared eyes, but her face was determined. She nodded at him nearly imperceptibly from the bed. She was ready.

"Fine," Renji said as he approached the window again, dropping into a fighting stance. Glancing at Mara warmly, he threw her a wink. "Don't be scared, Ippin. They may come but they won't touch you."

Mara watched closely as Ishida dropped a bracelet charm into his hand and assumed a position as if he was about to fire an arrow. Renji pulled his sword out and swept his hand down it, growling out "Huero, Zabimaru".

_Holy crap. _Mara couldn't believe her eyes as his sword turned into a black and silver toothed blade that looked like it was connected at joints. It was large and wicked and Renji looked viciously intense while wielding it, eyes fixed on the air outside. _Damn, he wasn't joking. I saw NOTHING at the café, did I?_

"Ready? We only have 10 seconds." Ishida asked them.

"Tch, let's get this over with."

"Now."

Mara looked at the two men, staring intently out the window. They almost seemed to be… glowing? Maybe? It was so slight, it could just be the glare from the sun coming in the window. And it almost, almost looked like there was a light atIishida's hands. It was so faint that Mara couldn't be sure it wasn't just a smudge on her glasses. She was trying, she really was.

Then she heard it, that teeth-grinding, air-shattering shriek. A hollow.

"Hold steady, seven more seconds," Ishida said through gritted teeth.

Mara began to sweat in the bed. It had suddenly gotten warm in the room. It was getting harder to breathe. The shrieks rang out in the air again, this time closer. This time there were more of them. Mara couldn't help but flash back to the café. The stench of death, the shaking ground, the hollows right in from of her…

"Ishida…" Renji said in a warning voice.

"Five seconds more."

She was hyperventilating. Was this a panic attack? She couldn't breathe, the room felt… heavy, so heavy. The destruction of the café was all she could see. Another shriek rang out and she could hear Ishida shouting out something. The hollows were coming, she realized, as the fear washed over her like tsunami. _It's coming!_

Jolted from her all consuming flash back, Mara's vision of the present returned as she opened her mouth to scream at the men to run. That they were coming! But words failed her at the sight in front of her. The room was awash in blinding lights of blue and red. Columns of wind and power and light had surrounded the men, Renji in red and Ishida in blue. It poured off their figures in waves, ascending and filling the space around them. Ishida seemed to holding a bow made of pure light with a matching bolt knocked at the ready.

Renji turned his eyes toward the bed and they seemed to be glowing with ferocity and intensity. Mara couldn't help tightening her hold on the sheets, reassuring herself that it was just Renji, even as her body buckled under the pressure in the room. She had never seen something so awe inspiring, yet so terrifying. Immediately the red energy seemed to just… disappear. Mara felt herself being leaned back against the bed, the familiar piercing eyes back to normal and probing hers.

"Enough! He shouted at Ishida. "She saw or felt something."

"Good timing, Renji, we have to go, they're approaching fast."

Mara turned to look at Ishida, who's blue light had also extinguished but whose bow she realized she could still see.

"Breathe, Ippin. I have to… I hate to go but I have to, we riled up a lot with that show. I'll be right back," Renji whispered, pressing a quick kiss to her hair. With that, both men dove out the window toward the rumbles and shrieks.

No sooner had the men leaped that the door flew open, admitting a panting auburn-haired woman awash in a glow of gold. "Tsubaki! Shoten Kes- huh?"

Mara stared wide-eyed at the woman who had burst into the room, taking in the golden aura and the tiny creature that had shot forward before her. It was just too much for her and Mara finally dissolved into shaking and sobs.


	13. Chapter 12: Death of Doubt

**Chapter 12**

Inoue Orihime looked around the room in shock for a moment. She had run there from the ICU, yelling about feminine issues to the other nurses who saw her take off in a flash. She had felt Ishida and Renji's spiritual pressures flare in a way that she hadn't in years just a few seconds ago. She could have sworn it! They were there, they had to have been. She had accelerated up the four flights of stairs as if rockets were attached to her feet, calling on the power of her Shun Shun Rikka to move her even faster when she had felt Mara's ever present riestsu wave spike as well.

But in the room, there was nothing except Mara, exuding power like she hadn't felt in a very long time.

"There's nothing here, woman," Tsubaki growled at her, "So much for the fight I wanted- unless you want me to knock her out. She will attract every hollow in Hueco Mundo soon if she keeps going."

"Hush," she told Tsubaki, drawing him back to her hair clip.

Orihime finally really looked at the shaking figure in the bed. "Mara-chan," she said softly, getting no response. "Mara-chan!"

Orihime ran to the bed, reaching out to Mara. Mara flinched away from her touch, her large, tear-filled eyes finally turning to Orihime in fear. "I- I-saw-" Mara shook her head, unable to describe what she had just seen or how she felt about it. She KNEW these men. Hell, she LOVED one of them. Why did they leave her terrified? Her eyes darted quickly back to the window, were the receding shrieks of the hollows still drifted in. She held her hand to point but was amazed and horrified to see the same type of light, this time in blue-green, radiating from her own arm. The view set off another round of screams and sobs.

"MARA!" Orihime yelled at her, shocking Mara's eyes back to the concerned woman. "I felt Ishida-kun and Renji-san here. Why do I feel them outside now? Were they fighting in this room?"

Taking a deep breath in an attempt to control herself Mara finally garbled out, "They- they wanted to see if I could see their rietsu, if I could sense it. So they went all out, they- they flooded this place with light. Then the shrieks, the hollows… they were coming!" Mara sobbed, "They're coming!"

Grabbing onto Orihime's arm in desperation, Mara clung to her, trying to root herself in reality as the flash back tried to reel through her head again.

Orihime looked down at the distressed woman clinging to her for dear life as her rietsu spiked wildly, in sync with whatever waking nightmare was in her head. She didn't know what to do to knock Mara out of the desperate loop she had sunk into, so she did the only thing she could think to do.

**SMACK!**

The slap echoed in the empty room as Mara's sobs immediately dissolved into whimpers, her rietsu lessening to its normal hum around her.

She cradled her face as she whipped her head back to Orihime, seeing her own shock reflected in the girl's eyes. "What the fu- Thank you!" She said gratefully, now reaching out but pausing her actions when she saw that the blue-green glow was still emanating off of her. Her breath started coming faster again in a panic. "Oh my god, it's still there!"

"Mara-chan!" Orihime shouted at her, "Get it together! Look at me!"

Mara forced her eyes up to meet the other woman, trying to swallow her fear.

"This is your riestsu that you are seeing," Orihime explained, "Those guys are out there fighting for you, they are in danger, and they will only get in more danger and get hurt if your rietsu rises again and draws more hollows here. Do you understand?"

Mara nodded wordlessly, eyes still wide with panic.

"Good. Now you must rein in your rietsu, you must suppress it."

"But I- I don't know how! I can't!" Mara replied, fighting the rising fear. She was going to get them killed, she realized, looking back at the window.

"Look at me! Mara-chan, look at me and do what I say, ok?" Orihime said gently.

Mara shifted her gaze back to the kind, pleading eyes in front of her. "Okay," she breathed out, "What do I do?"

"It's good that you can see your rietsu, believe it or not. You can visually box it up. Picture all of this power in you sucking itself to the middle of you. No glowing arms or legs or hair, all that light is being sucked into the center of you," Orihime instructed.

Watching her arm, Mara could feel her anxiety rising again as nothing happened when she tried to picture dousing the light. "It's not working!" She whimpered out.

"Don't focus on your arm, Mara-chan. Look at me and **feel **the power behind the light. That electrical buzz, the adrenaline in your system, the warmth on your skin… do you feel it?" Orihime asked. "Look only at me and feel…"

Mara grounded herself in Orihime's calm voice and steady eyes. Orihime was right, she could feel it, a deeper pulsing inside her that she matched her breath to. She could feel the pulsing in every extremity, all the way out to her fingers, but she focused just on the one in her chest. Mara focused on moving all the other small pulses to join the growing one in her core until it seemed to have eclipsed her own heart beat.

"Good, Mara-chan, good job. No," Orihime interjected as Mara tried to look at her own hand again, "Look at me. You aren't done yet. Now, I want you to close your eyes and picture a box inside of you, a black box that can hold and absorb all that light and power. Right now the lid is open and that is where all this energy you feel is going to go. Do you see your box?"

Mara nodded, eyes squeezed shut in concentration.

"Good, now stuff all of that power- all that pressure and light into that box, get every last scrap of it out of your lungs and off of your heart."

Mara could feel the pounding waning, her heart returning to its normal rhythm. Her breathing came easier as the overcharged nerves seemed to be freed. It felt like leaving a really loud concert; the music was gone, leaving a strumming lightness in its wake.

_Holy crap, it's working._

"Ok, Mara-chan, it's all in the box," Orihime reassured her, "now slam the lid!"

.

.

.

"Just the ones on the ground, Abarai, it'll be nothing. It's only 10 seconds," Renji mocked Ishida as he sliced Zabimaru upward through yet another hollow. "That's like number 27 so far for me, Ishida, and I don't see the end of the horde we brought here."

Loosing another 3 arrows in quick succession, Ishida took a moment to roll his eyes at Renji before knocking another bolt. "Mara's own spike keeps bringing them. It feels like it has calmed a bit now, but she was still pulling even more. Shut up and just keep killing them."

"Tch," Renji scoffed as he swung Zabimaru to take out a group all at once, "Why can't I just do Bankai and kill them all at once?"

"Really, Abarai? You think adding more spiritual pressure from any of us is a good idea right now?" Ishida asked, wincing as he felt Mara's riestsu rise again in the distance, joined by- was that Orihime? He noticed Renji shoot a concerned look back in the direction of the hospital as well.

"I should have stayed there. She looked… terrified."

"It's more important to have you getting rid of the threats fist," Ishida reminded him, "You can calm her later."

"Its more than that, man," Renji said lowly, drawing a quick look from Ishida at the openness in his tone, "She looked at me like… like she didn't recognize me."

"Abarai," Ishida said, pushing up his glasses as he dodged Renji's wild but effective strike, "We have always had the presence of rietsu and spiritual presence in our lives… for as long as we can remember anyways. She hasn't. In the past 5 years, she went unguided in a world of souls and hollows. Its only been the past, what?- 4 months?- that she has had any explanations and from there she has been flooded with information. That alone would be enough to send most people into overload. However, if she saw or felt something, she would be well within her rights to be scared. We don't know what all she was able to detect either since we had to run out so fast. The difference in knowing versus seeing can be explosive."

"I guess," Renji said noncommittedly, grimacing as he leapt and whipped Zabimaru in a figure-8, destroying everything within its form. "I still need to get back there, though."

Ishida didn't turn his eyes from the still approaching horde, "We will soon enough, just get through these-"

"Damn."

"What?!" Ishida said, turning to face the red-head that had interrupted him.

"You were saying?" Renji drawled, pointing his sword at the additional group of hollows that had appeared behind them.

Sighing, Ishida moved closer to Renji. "Back to back then? I fucking hate doing this with Shinigami. How does this always happen?"

"I'm pretty sure that both times now is because you baited them," Renji said dryly, stepping up to Ishida's back. "Bankai?"

"No. Besides, it's not me at this point," Ishida replied, gesturing his head in the direction of the hospital and the latest spike of spiritual pressure from the girl inside, that luckily dissipated very quickly. "They are going to start heading there soon."

That was all Renji needed to hear. He charged forward and whipped Zabimaru out again with annihilation as his intent, cutting down swaths of hollows with every swing. Ishida fired bolt after bolt into the crowds in front of them. They seemed to be making headway when both men froze in their tracks. Mara's steady strum of spiritual pressure had just gone eerily silent

"No…" Renji whispered to the air as Ishida's eyes widened. "Where'd it go, Quincy?... WHERE DID SHE GO!?"

"Did any of them get around you on that side?" Ishida asked, shock plain on his face.

Renji grabbed Ishida by his collar, pulling him close. "Of course none got around me! This was your stupid fucking idea!" He yelled as he threw Ishida away from him. "I swear to god, I will tear you limb from limb if anything happened-"

A deep voice rang out, interrupting them both, "La Muerta."

In a giant blast, the entire swathe of hollows blocking Renji from his route back to the hospital. Both men followed the direction of the blast to find Sado standing at the end of the plume of smoke, huge arms encased in black and white.

"Sado," Renji growled out, "Thanks, but I have to go." He planted his feet to flash step away, but a large hand on his chest stopped him.

"She's fine, I was just in the hospital area. You guys drew Inoue and I as well. Inoue is calming her. You looked like you needed more help here."

"Calming her?" Renji asked dangerously, "Her presence is GONE. I have to go!"

"Then we should finish this fast then, yes?" Sado said calmly, turning toward the next group of hollows.

"God dammit!" Renji growled, as all three men jumped into the fray again, killing no less than 70 more hollows in record time. No sooner than the last one fell, Renji was off toward the hospital. Moving faster than he ever had, Renji fought the growing panic inside him as Ishida and Sado tried to keep up.

Renji artfully dove in the window, rolling to come up on his feet, sword still drawn. His panicked eyes desperately scanned the room, only to land on the two women sitting in Mara's bed. Shaking his head to make sure he wasn't seeing things, Renji finally let out a relieved sigh. Letting go of shikai, Renji sheathed his sword as the other two men entered the room.

Mara jolted in the bed with his sudden appearance, grabbing Orihime's hand as Renji had arisen in a fighting stance. She couldn't help the fear that jolted in her just for a moment. _Pull yourself together, _she scolded herself. Renji looked at her with such sadness and it pulled at her heart. _He's still Renji, he just has more power than you knew, Mara. Look at how you're hurting him with your… weakness. Buck up, girl!_

Renji looked at Mara closely as Orihime silently rose from the bed to greet the other two men as they entered the room. Despite the disturbance, her eyes were only on hm. "You're scared of me," he stated casting his eyes down, unable to bear the fear in her eyes.

Mara watched as Renji began to turn away.

"I was so worried… your rietsu just disappeared and I- At least you're okay," he muttered. He couldn't make himself look at her.

_Coward. At least look at her to say goodbye. She won't want you, you showed her some of the beast you are and she won't want you anymore, They all go… Fuck man, at least get a last glimpse._

"Renji," she said softly, dragging his eyes back to her unbidden. He didn't expect to see her smiling gently at him. He didn't expect to see her holding her arms out to him, beckoning him to her. But there she was, welcoming him back into her arms.

Renji immediately moved to the bedside, climbing in with her to wrap her fully in his arms, not caring about the onlookers in the room. Mara pressed her face into his cinnamon scent and solid chest. Renji reached to cup her face, turning her to look at him, examining her face desperately for the fear he had seen, the rejection he had thought was coming. "But I- you were terrified. Of me! I saw-"

"Yeah," Mara whispered, cutting him off as she nuzzled into his hand before looking back up and trapping his eyes with hers. "But I could also see that you are still you, Aisare Shi-Sha."

Renji's breath caught. _Beloved. She loves- even after that._ Smiling broadly, he leaned down to press a chaste kiss to her lips only for her to open to him immediately. Renji fought a moan as he kissed her more deeply before the sound of an uncomfortable cough brought him back to the present and the other three people there.

Renji and Mara both looked up in time to see Orihime swatting Ishida in the shoulder for the noise he had made and Mara blushed slightly. Renji Turned to lay flat in the bed, puling her to be cradled against his side but making no move to get up. "So," he drawled with a grin, fixing his eyes on Orihime, "Anyone want to tell me why we all thought Ippin had died while we were out there?"

"I didn't," Sado stated eliciting a round of eye rolls.

"Okay," Renji amended, "Why Ishida and I thought she had died."

Orihime blinked at the easy smile and content expression that Renji wore in front of her. It had been so long… The silence drew out as she took in the transformation of the man she had been so worried about. No longer did he look angry and withdrawn, his eyes were clear and there was no sake on his breath. Mara was good for him, she decided.

"Orihime taught me to suppress my rietsu," Mara explained in a mumble against Renji's chest.

Ishida pushed up his glasses before turning to Orihime in surprise. "You taught her? How?"

"You always underestimate me and overthink everything else," Orihime said hotly, earning a small smirk from Sado.

"I have always believed in you, Hime," Ishida said earnestly, pulling her to him. "I'm just curious. We didn't know how to. Hence our rather extreme experiment."

Caving to his hold, Orihime leaned into Ishida as she elaborated, "You don't know how because you've never had to think about reigning in a new power like me and Sado. You have to box in the power, only opening the lid cracks to use what you need then. Mara caught on quite quickly. Especially since you two knocked her from sensing to literally seeing auras of power. Even her own."

Sado nodded in agreement as all eyes switched back to Mara in the bed, wanting to ask more, but she was already asleep on Renji's chest.

"She always wears out this fast now, Abarai?" Ishida asked quietly.

"Yeah. She lasts a shorter and shorter time everyday," he replied hoarsely as he tucked a stray hair behind her ear. "She doesn't have long now does she?"

Orihime's and Sado's eyes widened at their conversation, both inspecting Renji and wondering how this would affect him.

"No, she doesn't," Ishida said honestly, "She had planned on going home to die originally but has requested for me to put in for her to stay in Japan until she passes away. She wants to stay with you."

Renji made no reply, other than to nod, still gazing down at the fragile woman in his arms.

"What are you going to do when she's gone, Renji-kun?" Orihime asked.

"Dying here, she will go to Soul Society, so I will too. I'll be requesting reassignment there and I will find her again."

Even Sado's eyes widened at his intention, and the seriousness in his gaze when he looked up at them.

"I can't let her go…" he trailed off, looking back at his sleeping jewel, "I love her."


	14. Chapter 13: In the Dark of the Night

**Sorry this took me so long guys but shit got crazy. Still is. So, I will do my best. sooooo... tada**

**Chapter 13**

_This girl must be magic, _Renji thought contentedly, _who else could actually make wearing a gigai feel good? _He could practically purr at how good it felt to have her playing with his long hair, released from its tie and fanned across her lap where his head rested.

He had to wear the gigai when out with Mara now. She needed too much help for an invisible force to aid her, especially since she became wheelchair-bound after the last round in the hospital. Ishida had managed to get her visa extended citing that she would die on the flight if required to move- and the hands he greased with family money- but she did had to be moved from her boarding house to the hospital's extended care wing.

Renji did his best to entertain her in the hospital but was very grateful that Orihime had taken to sitting with her when Renji had to go take out a hollow or three. Luckily, her suppression technique seemed to be working very well and the workload had become much lighter, allowing for days like this.

Mara had been having a good day today and went out with Orihime before meeting him in the park near their café. Renji had gone ahead of her, spreading a blanket and stacking cushions against a nearby tree for her to lean on when he lifted her from the chair and set her to relax.

They sat in companionable silence as Mara braided and unbraided his long hair before running her fingers through it over and over. On her next pass, Renji snagged her left hand and brought her wrist where he could see the new tattoo there again. She had surprised him with it this morning. A bonus of taking Orihime with her to the tattoo parlor, he supposed, was the immediate healing done on the spot afterward.

The mark was only the size of a coin, but still dominated her now skeletal wrist. It was a small snippet of a pattern that matched the designs encircling most of his body.

"You know what they say about couple's tattoos, Ippin," he said, kissing her wrist before placing her hand back on his head, noting her giggle as her ministrations resumed.

"Do you not like it?" she asked softly, almost sounding unsure.

Renji flicked his eyes to her face, taking in the serenity of her delicate features. "I love it, actually. You didn't have to get a tattoo for me though. It had to have hurt there."

"No worse than ribs, as you well know, sir," she purred.

_And naughty. Girl from fucking heaven._

"I got it for both of us, really," she explained. "There seems to be a much better chance of my tattoos going to Soul Society than my memories so this way I will know. We'll match. When you find me and explain everything, you'll have proof to show me if I need it. I can be a little hardheaded, you know."

"You? No way!" Renji chuckled as she gently pulled a lock of his hair in reprimand.

"I had an interesting talk with Orihime at the tattoo parlor, though," Mara continued gently as Renji's eyes drifted back closed while she worked her fingers through his hair once more.

"Hm?"

"Well…" Mara said haltingly, "she offered to try to heal me."

Renji's eye shot open and he reached up, stilling her fingers in their path. He shifted his head in her lap to look up at her face, scrutinizing her expression.

"I know you told me she couldn't at first, and I don't blame you. By her own code that she set down she couldn't. But… I don't know… I guess she considers me a friend now and doesn't want me to go? She didn't even know if she could do it. She said she has brought people back from the brink before, but it was injuries… something about how she could picture it with them, but this being illness. She wasn't sure about a few things…" Mara went quiet, a faraway look in her eye.

Renji sat up fully to look at her, trying to read her serene expression. "I'm guessing, since you showed up still in the wheelchair, that you didn't take her offer or….?"

"No, I didn't," she answered calmly, still looking toward the distance over the river, eyes sparkling in the sun.

"Why not?" he asked incredulously, finally drawing her eyes to him.

"She couldn't guarantee that I would still be able to see you, either," she said earnestly, making Renji's breath catch.

_And I would be following her whole life without her being able to even know I was there._ In that moment Renji could almost understand Rukia's obsession. Would he still be trailing her after a year, two years, 7 years? A lifetime? While bile still rose in his throat at the purple eyed shinigami's rejection, and her manner of doing so with such vehemence against him and their history, he could understand the pull when he looked at Mara. He would like to think that his love for her wouldn't descend into madness if they were separated. If she had chosen to go on without seeing him for her whole life, could he-?

"I would still be waiting for you at the end of a full life if she made you better, Ippin," he said carefully, "What is 60 or 70 years to someone like me?"

"No," she answered as she reached out to hold his hand and lean her head back against the stacked pillows, "I'm… I'm tired, Ace. I don't even know what I would do with a full-length life if she gave me one except what I'm doing right now. This is perfect, and I'm ready to leave life that way. I'm not afraid anymore because I know you will be on the other side, and that's really I want. I'm ready to go."

"Please don't give up this chance because of me. I-"

"Renji. Enough," she interjected. "This life- this life has not been kind these last years. I'd like to end on a high note."

Renji turned her hands over in his, stroking his thumb over the new mark there. His mark. "I just don't want you to regret anything, miss anything. And then this," he said, tapping her wrist gently, "is just seen as a cage."

"I could never-"

Renji cut off Mara's protests with a somber shake of his head, sending some of his hair over his eye. He could picture that last talk with Rukia. The words rang in his head as she had ruthlessly described him. _Coward. Ineffective. Lap dog of her brother and Soul Society. Hopeless. That I'd lived my life like a starving dog from the very beginning, just begging for scraps but unable to do a single trick._

"What if you do? What if I am just… useless to you after you gave all this up for me?"

"You're not a tool, Ace. People shouldn't be brought in or out of your heart based on usefulness. If you really require a count, though, I'll humor you. You have saved my life no less than three times, at that's only the ones I've been present for. You're going to find me in the afterlife and remind me who I am, you've taken me to amazing places that I only dreamed of going, and don't even get me started on that beach trip," she said with a wink as she ticked off her count on her fingers. Finally, a slight smile appeared from beneath the hair hiding his face.

Mara reached out and swept his hair from over his eye, before putting both hands on the side of his face. Renji covered her hand with his, turning his face into her grip to kiss her palm before facing her.

"There you are," she murmured sweetly to him. "Renji, you have to learn how wonderful you are, how important you are to me. I could never regret running to you. I lo-"

Mara's eyes shot over Renji's shoulder as she huffed out an exasperated sight, cutting herself off. Renji's heart had soared, knowing what she was about to say. It would have been the first time that she finally…

"I'm sorry to ruin the moment, Ace, but do you know who that guy is and why he has been staring at us for like a full minute now. He just dead stopped and gawked. It's creepy."

Renji let out a groan as he rolled hi eyes over his shoulder, following her line of sight to the tall man on the sidewalk staring at them, jaw literally agape.

The tall, orange-haired man.

"What in the actual fuck is Kurosaki doing here?" Renji muttered mostly to himself.

"Kurosaki?" Mara whispered, "You mean- does that mean-?"

Before she could even finish her statement, Renji's sharp eyes had homed in on a shape perched in a tree closer to the river. Mara followed his line of sight to make out the figure of a petite woman crouching on the branch. She didn't have to be told who it was, nor did she need Renji's tightening grip on her hand to confirm it. She had walked to path to the café early enough and often enough to immediately recognize the violet eyes glaring back at them.

.

.

.

_1:14 am. How has it only been 3 minutes since I last looked? So much for being back soon._

Mara groaned as she looked at the clock for what had to be the 725th time that night before rolling restlessly over in the bed again. Why did time seem to move so slowly when you couldn't sleep? She'd been plenty tired, but her mind wouldn't stop.

Renji had rushed her back to her room after seeing Kurosaki and Rukia in the park, packing her in with such speed you would think demons were after them. He had promptly deposited her in her room and was out like a flash, saying he had to take care of some things and would be back soon, without time for her to even get a word in edgewise. She had always tried to make it a point to let him tell her what had happened on his terms, fighting her innate curiosity. It was obvious that it was more than just being rejected. Sometimes Renji just seemed broken and so insecure about his own worth, but she gave him space on it to come to her on his own. And he had, somewhat. But not today, no. Today he just… ran off like a bat out of hell.

_"Take care of some things", _Mara couldn't help but mock in her head, _because that's so reassuring when we are talking about a boy who used to be the most powerful thing in the known multiverse and, more importantly, the girl who you loved all your life and trampled on your heart with tap shoes. Awesome._

Mara huffed as she turned over again, cussing vibrantly at the blankets caught on her legs that she couldn't kick free.

Jealousy, no matter how she fought it, welled like a fountain inside her, threatening to spill out through her eyes as she thought about how much Renji must have loved that girl to become so destroyed by her. Meanwhile, she would have given anything to finish out their beautiful day and he hadn't even told her that he loved her, if he even did. He sure seemed to, she guessed. Enough so that she almost told him today.

_Maybe if I had then he… _"Son of a chromed cocksucker! Stupid, moth-bitten fuckwad, I swear-" she yelled at the blanket as she pulled on it behind her, letting out her internal frustration on the covers.

A whisper of breeze was all that alerted her to his entry, before large gentle hands replaced her own, untangling her legs from the sheets and laying them flat around her.

"I didn't think you'd still be up, but that mouth of yours gave you away," Renji said softly, with the smile that shone in the lights of the machines in the room.

"Nope. I'm up," Mara replied shortly.

"Look," Renji said uncomfortably, sensing the anger boiling in her tone, "I know it's a lot later than you probably thought it would be and I know I rushed out and probably worried you."

"Probably?"

"I didn't mean to scare you-"

"I wasn't scared, Renji," Mara stated before he finished, "not in the way you are most likely thinking. I know you can handle yourself if some big bad monster had shown up, just…"

As Mara trailed off, unsure how to continue her thought, Renji's eyes lit with understanding. He climbed in the bed across from her, propping his head up on his hand to see her rather frustrated face.

"Were you jealous?" He asked with a smirk.

"No. Why would I be jealous? Or even worried for that matter?" she snapped out. "It's only the former love of your life back in town, you rushing me off like a secret whore, and then being gone until one in the morning. Why should I worry, huh?" Despite her best attempt at sarcasm, the words tapered to coming out on the verge of tears.

Mara quickly turned her head to hide her face from him, but Renji would have none of it. He rose in the bed to brace his arms on either side of her so that she could not escape his penetrating gaze. "Ippin," he crooned above her, "Look at me, Ippin."

Begrudgingly, Mara met his gaze, blinking back the tears that she had tried so hard to keep in check.

"First off," Renji said seriously, looking her straight in the eye, "I'm sorry. I didn't think about what it would feel like for you." Mara's brow furrowed at the unexpected apology in the face of her weakness, as she saw it, in not trusting him. Renji continued before she could speak, "To ease your mind, however, I went to Hat and Clogs place. Apparently, Kurosaki is back earlier than planned because his dad was in an accident, according to Urahara, so we had to put some protections in place. There's serious security concerns that come with him being in town."

"But he has no powers, no sight, nothing… why would he be risk?" she asked, thoroughly confused.

"The only thing Kurosaki didn't lose after the war were enemies," Renji explained patiently. "He may be harder to find without rietsu now, but you can bet your ass that the surviving arrancar won't care if he can see them or not. They'll destroy everything around to get him, just to have a chance at killing the unkillable."

"So, you were rushing around to… keep us all safe?" Mara asked in a small voice.

"Most of all: You," Renji said warmly, moving a hand to cup her face, dragging his thumb over her soft lower lip.

Biting the tip of his thumb quickly, Mara smiled at the low rumble Renji made in his chest before looking up at him with a rueful smile. "I feel like a little bit of a bitch now."

"You know what that does to me, Ippin," he growled, sinking lower towards her, "and you're kinda sexy when you're being bitchy."

"Be a bitch so you find me sexy- Got it!" she replied impishly.

"The sexiest thing about you, Mara," he whispered into her ear, while fisting her hair in his hand, "is you."

Pulling her up to meet him, Renji branded her lips with a soul-searing kiss. Mara was panting as they separated, only to begin gasping in pleasure as Renji pulled her head back, trailing kisses down her exposed throat before he bit the base of her neck. His other hand was busy tracing her curves down to her ass, where he grabbed to pull her close to him. She loved how those gentle hands seemed to show their strength when he kissed her. She could feel his muscles tensing under her fingers as he struggled to hold back. Renji seemed to like it a little wild, just like him, and Mara found she craved the dominated feeling that he gave her.

Another low rumble joined Mara's gasp as he ground his hips against her while they kissed. She intoxicated him and made it so damn hard to remember how fragile she was. She seemed to know every button to push as she dragged her nails over his skin and nipped his lips when they parted for breath. Renji skimmed his rough hands over her soft skin, so soft it seemed he could barely feel her, as he slipped his hands under her sleep shirt. Her breath notched up as he fondled her breast and tweaked her nipple. God, he loved those breathy little moans against his mouth at his touch. His other hand had found its way back to her hip where only her thin panties blocked his way if he wanted to go further. He sure as hell wanted to. He plucked the edges of her underwear, feeling himself getting even harder as she seemed to unconsciously spread her legs open for him.

"God damn, Ippin," Renji growled out removing his hands from her tempting little form, "You make it so hard to hold back."

Mara fiddled with the ties holding his shihakusho, undoing it to run her hands over his now exposed chest, making Renji sharply inhale and grip her hips. He was practically shaking with the effort of not throwing her down against the bed as she dragged her nails down his chest while pulling him in for another steamy kiss.

"Mara…" Renji moaned hoarsely, not knowing if he was in heaven or hell. The sensations she brought were wonderful but dear god was holding back an exquisite pain.

"What if I don't want you to stop?" she murmured against his mouth, hands drifting dangerously low, tracing his tattoos to his Adonis belt. Only a tie separated her from irreversibly shoving him over the edge.

"Ippin…" he muttered in warning even as his arms encircled her, "You know…"

With a sigh, Mara's probing hands relented. Instead her arms wrapped around his neck, keeping him close to her. "I'm sorry," she whispered, "I know."

Renji shifted to lay on his back, pulling her up to lay on his chest. "You never need to be sorry."

Snuggling into his side, Mara glanced up at the handsome face staring back at her, lips still swollen from their stolen moment and eyes kind and filled with…

"I love you, Renji."

His eyes opened wide for a second before crinkling in that heart-stopping smile. "I love you, too, Mara."


	15. Chapter 14: Intruders

Alright guys! got this one out a little early so here you go! Don't get used to the everyday thing again, tho.

**Chapter 14**

Renji lay in the bed, curled around Mara as she traced her favorite pattern on his hand and arm that was draped over her.

"I like waking up to you," she mumbled sleepily, turning her head so he could place a kiss on her cheek. "You don't seem to be as busy lately, it's nice."

"Your rietsu box seems to be working exceedingly well, which helped at first. Now we have Hat and Clogs' protection barrier, too. Barely anything has managed to make it in the past few days and what has has been… out of my area. There's another Shinigami in town, remember? Everything over near the residential area is being looked over by her. God forbid something comes close to her precious-"

"Kurasaki-kun!"

They both lifted their heads and stiffened at Orihime's loud greeting ringing down the hall.

"Oh, uh- Inoue. Nice to see you," came the deep, mumbled reply.

"Kurosaki-kun, we all need to get together again! Maybe I could call Sado and we could go for coffee or-" Orihime rambled before being cut off.

"Look, Inoue, I'm just here to take my dad home," the voice continued gruffly, "can you just tell me where he is?"

"Oh… yes," the disappointment in Orihime's voice was palpable.

Mara shifted closer to Renji, whispering out, "He's a bit of a dick." Renji only grunted in reply before the door to her room flew the rest of the way open.

"OI! Old man! Let's- Who the hell are you?" Ichigo asked loudly, looking around in confusion.

Mara could feel Renji's rietsu rise in the presence of the orange haired visitor, his arm around her tightening. His grip on her seemed to strengthen with every yelled word.

"Clearly, I'm not your 'old man'" Mara deadpanned back at him without blinking an eye as she rubbed Renji's hand soothingly.

Again, Ichigo looked around the room and her stuff strewn about it. "Why are you here?" he bit off at her.

Mara raised her arm, weakly gesturing at the medical equipment around her. "I'm sick," she answered mirroring his cool tone, "I think you have the wrong room, buddy."

"Wait," Ichigo said, studying Mara through narrowed eyes and eliciting another tight squeeze from the aggravated Shinigami behind her, "I know you. You were at the park…. with Abarai."

Renji was amazed at her fortitude as Mara's face didn't twitch a millimeter at his accusatory tone. He tensed his hand into a fist under her fingers, hoping she would get the message to not talk about him to Ichigo. He didn't know why he didn't want him to know that he was there. In his heart, he knew that Rukia's betrayal was not Ichigo's fault at all. Still, he wanted even thoughts of himself removed from the head of the man in front of them.

Mara simply regarded the intruder in her room with a mask to rival Byakuya before finally raising an eye brow to admit recognition. "Oh yeah, I recognize you; the gawking pervert that ruined what had promised to be a wonderful make-out session."

"Oi! I am NOT-"

"AND," Mara added loudly, cutting off the now-steaming Ichigo, "My boyfriend's name is Ace."

Renji couldn't help but snort as he tried to hold back the laughter welling in him at how well the little hell-cat in his arms had shut the man down, leaving his mouth so open he could catch flies. He almost felt bad, having been on the end of Mara's tongue-lashing before, but never like this.

Ichigo's face fell into frustrated confusion again. "But I saw…" he trailed off.

"I know it's hard to believe that a dying girl could snag the hottest man in town, but here we are. And I sure think you saw plenty back in the park, pervert," Mara said, acid in her tongue. "Unless you are planning on scrubbing down to help me out of bed. Now, don't you have an old man to find?"

Ichigo's face could have matched Renji's hair, but any response he was about to make was cut off by Orihime popping her head in the door.

"Mara-chan it's time to- what is going on in here? Kurosaki-kun, what are you doing in Mara-chan's room?" She asked, quickly taking in the scene of Mara and Renji laying in the bed, him fighting laughter and her glaring at Ichigo. Ichigo looked like the flames of hell were leaping in his eyes as he prepared to light into the girl on the bed. Movement from Renji caught her eye as he put his finger to his lips, hoping that she would get the message to not mention him.

"Let's go, Kurosaki-kun," Orihime said, laying her hand on his arm, prompting him to turn toward the door and head away. "I'll take you to Isshin-san."

"Bye, Ichigo!" Mara called out in a saccharine voice, unable to resist having the last word.

The man froze and Mara realized her mistake a split second to late. She had used his name, which she shouldn't know. Ichigo spun to face her. "You bitch! I know you know something! I swear I will come over there and you will regret-"

Before Ichigo could finish his sentence, Renji had flash stepped in from of the bed. His thumb had already popped Zabimaru from it's sheath, his sword hand was at the ready. Tendrils of red power wound up around his body like a venomous snake slowly positioning itself before the strike. Orihime jumped in between the now very human Ichigo and the red-haired man whose eyes spoke death.

"Kurisaki Ichigo!" she roared with a force very few knew that she possessed, "You will not threaten one of my patients in my hospital. Have you no shame to hassle a dying girl! Get out of this room and go to your father!" With that she pulled the tall man with an unknown strength towards the door, slamming it behind her.

Renji finally relaxed, turning back around to see Mara staring at the now closed door with a shaken expression. "You weren't in any danger, Love. He could have never reached you," he told her surely, sitting on the edge of the bed and running his fingers through her wild blue locks.

"I know, " Mara answered him distractedly, wide eyes still not leaving the door. "Sorry about that," she continued, "He just pissed me off. Did you see how mean he was to Orihime?"

"Yeah, he's changed since the end of the war. Thanks for covering me there. You played it like a champ, Ippin, and I can always back you up when that mouth of yours digs holes," Renji quipped, smiling down at her.

"I'll always have your back, Ace. Besides, I know he's no problem, " she said, finally turning her gaze to Renji and giving him a wan smile to placate him. But as Renji rose again, pulling out her wheelchair and disconnecting her IV in preparation for Orihime's return, Mara couldn't help but feel her eyes dragged back to the entrance of her room.

Everyone else had been so caught up in Ichigo going crazy that they hadn't looked at the open door at the time, only she had. Only she had seen that Renji's steel wasn't the only blade whose base was exposed. Only she had noticed the faint curls of white power edge just around the base of the door frame, looking like the front edge of a sinister snow cloud. Only she had seen the petite woman robed in black take up sentry when Renji had arisen to her defense. And it was only Mara's eyes that were locked onto by lavender ones, glaring daggers at her alone.

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Renji landed on silent feet back in Maras open window. A hollow had finally landed in what he had dubbed 'his' territory of Karakura Town and he ran off quickly. Another adjuchas, this time spitting distance from becoming a Vasto Lorde. That was the one downside of the protection around them: If anything was strong enough to make it through then it was going to be strong enough to put up a fight.

He flopped down in the chair to relax his muscles before kicking off his sandals, preparing to climb into bed with Mara. He was happy to see that she was still asleep soundly. Sleeping was nearly all she did now, but he relished the wakeful moments in between. With enough rest, they could generally manage a decent chunk of time together before she was back out.

Sighing, Renji stood and popped his neck, but he froze, right as he was about to reach for the covers. He didn't have to see her or hear her entry; he knew the feel of her entering a room nearly as well as he knew his own.

_Rukia._

Turning back to the window he had come through, he saw her petite frame alit on tip-toes in the sill. Her hair was longer than he remembered and shaggy from quick, rough cuts with her sword. Her uniform was frayed at the edges, yet her proud carriage had not wavered. Her chin still tilted up in the same haughty way towards him that had developed during their time working together six years prior. Her eyes were cold, calculating, and fierce.

"I was surprised to see you still remembered your duties, seeing as how preoccupied you seem to be with your pet," she said with a sneer in her low voice. Renji had never thought of her gravelly tone as grating before but to hear her voice insulting his love made it just seem ugly.

"That's the pot calling the kettle black, don't you think, Rukia?" Renji replied, crossing his arms across his broad chest and adopting the most bored expression he could muster. "You are, after all, the one who abandoned your post, your friends, and your family to go gallivanting in search of a cure for a human. Last I checked, I actually have a job to do, unlike you."

Rukia's eyes narrowed at the man in front of her. Besides more tattoos and longer hair, he certainly seemed to be the same man, but that nonchalant expression and painfully bored tone didn't belong to the Renji she had left behind. He had been weak, dominated by his feelings. This Renji spoke boldly. It also didn't escape her notice that he, either consciously or unconsciously, had placed the wall of himself between her and the girl in the bed.

Rukia's eyes shifted to the small form there. She didn't know this girl 'Mara' but she already hated her. Not only had she made Ichigo upset, but she seemed to have claimed her place amongst Rukia's friends, what was left of them anyways. It made her angry, for a reason that she couldn't quite pinpoint, that she had been replaced in the circle that was once so tight. Even Renji had abandoned her in favor of this frail human. That also meant that she had something that Rukia had been searching for a long time: the power to see Shinigami.

"At least it looks like you may have finally fulfilled your duty as a friend. Tell me Renji, where did you find her? She can see us right?" Rukia asked, slathering on an innocent tone as if that would soothe the cut of her remark.

"She can," Renji stated shortly, maneuvering to further angle himself between Rukia and Mara. "Is this really all you're here for, Rukia?" Renji fought the discouragement in his tone and the sadness in his heart. The Rukia he had grown up with was so far gone and it made him so sad. He didn't love her anymore, he realized as he looked at her, eyeing Mara like a prize full of secrets, waiting to be ripped open. But damn he had wondered, for a split second there when she had landed in that window, if maybe he could have his friend back.

Rukia turned wild, nearly desperate, eyes on him. "Just tell me what I have to do, Renji. What would Ichigo have to do to be able to see like her?"

Renji sighed as she stared intently at him. "He would have to die. And then keep on dying," he replied seriously.

"You… aren't joking," Rukia said in shock, before recovering herself and latching into anger again. "You pathetic excuse for a friend. You are no more help and no more caring than the last time I saw you. How dare you raise my hopes just to dash them. I will break you for this, Renji, and maybe- if I'm lucky- I will use her to do it!"

Renji whipped his zanpakuto out in reaction to the threat, but it was for nothing. Rukia alit into the night, disappearing in a second.

Renji shut the window firmly before finally climbing into the bed. He sat in silence for a moment, staring at the blue haired girl as he played with a curling tendril that had escaped her messy bun. He couldn't help but wonder what Rukia was thinking, what she could possibly try to do. Couldn't she see that Ippin had been through enough? He picked up Maras hand, kissing the back of it gently with trembling lips.

She rolled slightly and opened her eyes to look up at him. "Renji? Are you ok?"

"Yeah," he said softly, "just a longer battle than I expected."

"I'm sorry," she mumbled, "All the more reason to come to bed then."

Smiling gently despite his inner turmoil, Renji followed her pull and laid down next to her, gathering her close and holding her tightly to him.

"Are you sure you're ok, Ace?" she asked again, snuggling her head into her favorite spot on his chest.

"I am now, Ippin," he whispered against her hair, "I love you."

"I love you too, Aisare Shi-sha," she replied groggily.

Renji held her close, guarding her even in his sleep until morning.

However, when morning broke and the sky released its darkness to reveal the endless expanse of blue, Mara didn't wake up.


	16. Chapter 15: Hello Darkness My Old Friend

Sorry this one took an extra day guys but it was emotional and a hard one to write. if you want a good soundtrack for the chapter, listen to Again to Drift by Black Tape for a Blue Girl. (I dont own that either)

**Chapter 15**

He could hear the door creak very slightly as it swished open, but Renji didn't bother to look. He couldn't tear his eyes from the small form in the bed barely clinging to life. His Ippin was hooked up to her least favorite machine again, but the ventilator pushing air in and out of her lungs was the only thing keeping her alive at this point.

Renji put his head in his hands as he replayed that morning over again in his head for the millionth time. He had woken up curled behind Mara like normal, but she didn't stir when he said good morning, or when he kissed her cheek… or when he shook her and yelled her name. He could physically feel his heart slide into his stomach as he went careening through the hospital looking for Ishida or Orihime, screaming for help from them but no one could hear him in his Shinigami form.

He had finally found Orihime walking up to the hospital about to begin her day and he had literally grabbed her and flash stepped her up to Mara's room. Ippin still hadn't moved by that point. Orihime had leapt into action, taking her vitals and hitting the call button for the nurses on her floor, before running screaming into the hallway as well, but she was actually followed in by a team of people. While they had stripped the bed and brought in equipment, Orihime had called Ishida on his private line and ordered him to the hospital.

In what seemed like hours, but was only minutes, Ishida had run into the room at full tilt. The good doctor hadn't even gotten his shirt buttoned or coat on before running to check on the girl who had found her place amongst them and that he now considered a friend. He began shouting orders at the nurses of bags to bring and additional IVs to run before checking everything again, from pulse to pupil dilation.

He had advised Renji to step out and breathe for a second while they set up her room so Renji went to Urahara's and put on his gigai before sprinting back in under a minute, the blonde man yelling after him. He had to make sure that, if anything changed, he could flag someone down this time. He had thought it was a wise decision when, just a couple hours later, Mara had started to move in the bed. Renji had jumped to her side to see her eyes wide open and body twitching, lips tinged with blue.

Nurses, followed closely by Ishida, had run in and shoved him from the bed, shouting wildly and getting the ventilator tube in her mouth. As soon as she was stable again, her heartbeat ticking away in a mechanical beep on the screen, Renji had rushed back up to her side, just in time to wipe warm tears from her cold cheeks. He had stilled when Ishida came up to the other side of the bed and closed her unfocused eyes.

"What's going to happen?" Renji had asked, pleading, "She's going to be okay, right? Do you have to put those damn straps on the bed again?"

Ishida had sighed and leaned his hands on the bed rail, looking long and pensively at Renji before answering. "She doesn't need the restraints, Renji."

Renji had shaken his head in confusion, panic clouding his thoughts. "But you said-"

"I know," Ishida said slowly, "but she is not going to wake up this time, my friend. That was a seizure brought on by lack of oxygen and… and loss of brain activity. She's gone."

"NO!" Renji had yelled, "No. She was crying! She has to still be here to cry! It probably hurts or something!"

"Abarai, that was the body's reflex to not breathing," Ishida tried to explain, "She isn't feeling or thinking anything. She is on life support now and is considered brain dead. If you look at that monitor, it's showing no-"

"Get out."

"What? Abarai, we have to talk about her wishes and what this means," Ishida had tried to convince him.

"Get the fuck out, Quincy!" Renji had roared at him, "She will wake up! And I will sit here and make damn sure she gets the chance to."

For two days, Renji hadn't moved from his post watching over her. Neither enemy nor friend could pry him away from the macabre hypnosis of watching Mara's chest rise and fall. He held her hand in silence, only moving out of the way for the nurses tending the spider's web of tubes and nodes that kept her here with him. Wrapped in the sheet with all the wires running from her, and with her normal pale complexion taking on a gray pallor, she looked like the prey caught in the middle of the web.

Renji heard the door creak shut again and Ishida's all-too-familiar footsteps making their way to the other side of the bed as he sat down across from Renji. He didn't say anything, waiting for the distraught red-head to look up at him. Renji wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

"What?" he growled out, the heels of his hands still pressed to his eyes.

"It's been two days. We need to talk about her, Abarai," Ishida replied softly, voice hoarse with emotion that he brutally kept in check.

"What about it? It's only been two days. You have coma patients in here going on 10 years, so what is there to talk about?" he rumbled back.

"The issue isn't if we can keep her alive like this," Ishida sighed, "It's that Mara didn't want us to."

Renji finally raised red-rimmed eyes to the man across from him. "And how would you know that?" he asked acidly.

"Because Mara signed forms making it very clear she wanted to move on," Ishida replied, seemingly unperturbed by Renji's malicious tone, "She requested not to be kept alive like this, "like a vegetable" to use her words. I have to disconnect the machines and honor her wish to die with dignity."

Renji's eyes widened in shock. "Your going to WHAT!?" he gasped out.

"I don't understand why this shocks you," Ishida said softly, pushing up his glasses to examine Renji more closely, "This was always her plan; to die and go to Soul Society to be with you. Wasn't this something you had both planned out?"

"Our plans didn't include you killing her!" Renji yelled at Ishida, standing to tower over him, but Ishida rose to face him nearly eye to eye.

"She is already dead, Abarai," he responded much more calmly than he felt. "All we are doing is operating a glorified gigai that is keeping her soul trapped here. Why do you not want to let this happen as she planned? As you both planned?!"

"Get out, Ishida, and don't come back. Find her a better doctor than you," Renji snarled at his, muscles tensed to rend Ishida limb from limb.

"That's not going to work this time, Abarai," Ishida said cooly, "I'm legally not allowed to keep her alive past her wishes any longer, and any doctor will tell you the same. I will give you one more hour with her, but then I have to pull the plug."

Renji thumped back down in the chair, reaching for Mara's hand again as he turned his face to the wall to hide the tears that threatened to spill in front of the Quincy. Ishida, giving him the privacy he needed, headed out the door and closed it behind him.

In the hallway, Ishida finally took a deep breath as he slumped against the wall outside the door. He pulled his glasses off to wipe the sleep deprivation and emotion from his eyes before he had to slide his "doctor smile" back on in the next room. While he couldn't imagine the depth of Renji's loss, it was hard to try to keep his own level of grief at a distance to do his job. Mara hadn't wanted to live like this, but he knew that releasing her from her body was going to be taking his own life in his hands with Renji in the room, ready to kill anyone who dared even think about touching her.

A small hand appeared on Ishida's arm in his view, and he immediately lifted it to his lips and took a calming breath. "You okay?" Orihime asked him gently.

"I will be," he responded hoarsely, looking into the light brown eyes that soothed his soul on days like this. He couldn't fathom if they were shut forever, he thought as his mind drifted to the man on the other side of the door. But this had to be done. Besides, death would just be a new beginning for those two, he decided. "Hime, we are going to have to call Sado for this. He is not going to let us…"

"I figured as much," Orihime sighed out, "I already called him."

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.

.

"Sado," Ishida greeted the tall man as he approached him at the end of the hallway, "Took you long enough."

"Had to stop home and change," Sado's low voice rumbled back, gesturing to his bare arms in the torn off Hawaiian shirt, "I'm tired of ruining clothes."

Ishida snorted in response, a grin curling his lips even though there was no happiness behind it. "I hava a feeling we may both be ruining clothes today no matter what."

"It's that bad, huh?"

"Yeah," Ishida answered nodding, "We are a little lucky though. Not only is his rietsu capped by Soul Society, but his gigai dampens it as well… it's still going to be hard. I was hoping you could go in and talk to him and get him away from the bed, then I can use hirenkyaku to dash to the controls while you hold him back."

Sado's eyes widened a fraction at Ishida's plan, but he nodded silently.

A soft gasp had both men turning to see Orihime, eyes wide and beginning to brim with unshed tears. "You two act like you are going into battle against an enemy," she wimpered.

Both men lowered their eyes and Ishida turned away, unsure how to respond. "Worse," Sado said lowly, "Apparently we have to against a friend."

Orihime sniffled, trying to hold back unshed tears, before running down the hallway and away from view around the corner.

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Ichigo kept to the shadows of the hallway, silently moving around the edges as he crept forward. He could hear Sado and Ishida discussing something but at this point it was just a rumble of voices.

He didn't know why he had followed Sado when he saw him running towards the hospital. Maybe old habits were just hard to break. Maybe he was just a glutton for punishment. Ichigo knew this feeling of watching and wondering, of feeling ultimately left out and viewed as weak. It was how he had spent the last years of high school, and it was what he had spent most of his college and med school years trying to escape. _So why am I here lurking, hoping to see something that I know I can't see? _

Ichigo shook his head at himself before walking forward again, finding himself peeking around the corner of a familiar hallway. _This is where my dad was…_ He could now see Ishida and Sado, head to head, in a discussion outside one of the doors. Her door. The girl that could see like he had. Ichigo was unable to fight his curiosity, and so continued his slow creep up the hallway to try and catch their conversation, but he stumbled over something in his way up against the wall.

"Shit!" he exclaimed in a whisper as he caught himself just before landing on the huddled person there. Wide, light brown eyes, made red with tears, looked up at him in surprise. "Inoue?"

"Kurosaki-kun," she said hoarsely," what are you- Oh crap! What are you doing here?!"

"Um-" Ichigo racked his brain for an excuse other than 'sneaking', "I came to apologize for the other day. Just being back, you know, makes me on edge. I just wanted to say sorry."

Orihime looked at her old friend with warmth before she realized that Ichigo was here in the hallway where an enraged Shinigami was about to let loose. "Thank you, Kurosaki-kun," she said quickly, "but you can't be here. You need to go."

Looking at her in confusion, Ichigo wondered why. Was there a hollow or something that had sent Sado here in a sprint and she didn't want him hurt? "What's going on, Inoue? Does it have to do with the girl in that room?! I need to talk to her! She may know how-"

"She's gone, Ichigo. She slipped into a coma two days ago and they have to disconnect life support, and Renji-kun…. You just need to go," Orihime whispered as she curled back into her ball on the floor, pressing her back to the wall.

"So she was with Abarai! I knew it! … Wait. I needed to know how- she has answers to how I can see them again! She can't be dead!"

Orihime turned angry, tear-filled eyes up at the tall man next to her as she wrapped her arms around her knees. "She is gone, Kurosaki-kun. I have lost a friend and am about to lose another. She can't talk to you. She can't answer questions. You need to leave now."

Caught off guard by her forcefulness, Ichigo stood just staring at Orihime for a moment before were knocked out of their internal musings by the sound of the handle unlatching. They looked up in time to see Sado walk into Mara's room.

"Oh no," Orihime whispered, as the low murmur of greeting dissipated nearly instantly, and the walls of the hospital began to shake.

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.

Sado entered the room to see Renji still next to the bed, still holding her hand. He didn't bother looking up as Sado entered, instead just tightening his grip on Mara and bowing his head.

"I'll kill you if you come any closer, and I really don't want to kill you, Sado," Renji said lowly, the realness of his threat clear in his tone. "I know Ishida put you up to this."

Sado stood still, taking in Renji's haggard appearance. "I don't want to fight you, my friend."

"Good," Renji said, sitting up to lean back in his chair as he levelled a hard gaze at the large man, "Then get out."

"No."

Renji's eyes narrowed into a death stare. He gently kissed the back of Mara's hand before carefully placing it back on her lap and slowly rising from his chair. Standing to his full height, Renji's rietsu began to swirl up around him, more oozing out with each step he took as he rounded the end of the bad. "I thought you said you didn't want to fight," he hissed out in a deceptively calm tone.

"I don't, but I will if I have to. It's time to let her move on, Renji," Sado said sadly.

"NO!" Abarai yelled, flaring with spiritual pressure as the walls began to shake. "Don't you dare-"

His yell was cut off by a strong right hook that flung him into the wall. He looked up to see Sado's arms encased in black and white and red. Renji pushed himself off the wall, ducking under the next blow and reaching to grab Sado under the chin. He didn't stop his momentum, using it to carry the big man backwards before slamming him by the head into the ground.

"I said, don't-"

Renji was knocked off Sado's body by a flash of white and thrown back into the far wall. "Stop this, Abarai!" Ishida yelled as he lifted Renji forward to slam him back into the wall, trying to buy Sado the time to get up. "She wanted to move on to be with you! Why are you doing this?"

Renji answered him with a head butt that sent Ishida reeling as he made to leap back toward the bed, but he was tackled in the midsection with the force of a freight train. Sado bulldozed the Shinigami into the wall across from the bed again, hitting it hard enough to crack it.

Renji rained blows down upon his back as Sado fitted his hands into cracks in the wall, hoping he could simply hold Renji there long enough for Ishida to work.

Ishida took a step toward the framework of machines as Renji realized his blows were doing nothing. He knew he couldn't rely on kido as there was a chance he could kill Mara too in the small space, but he had to get away, had to get to Ishida. Renji's mind flashed the Mara's shocked face that first time she had begun to see Rietsu. _"You can take down the hospital?"_

Renji let his rietsu build, stilling for a second in Sado's hold as he could feel the power build up in him. He realized his mistake now with the gigai and Soul Society's rules but he didn't care. He knew he could at least bring down the wall that he was pinned against. Renji's eyes glowed red as he looked at Ishida, who had paused to look back and see what was going on as the wall behind him began to shatter.

"God Dammit, Abarai!" Ishida roared, running back to where Sado held him. "I didn't want to have to do this!" Ishida pulled a long metal piece from his cape, pressing it to Renji who could feel himself getting weaker by the second.

The asshole was siphoning his rietsu, the way he had siphoned Orihime's for the cure. _Fucking Quincy should not be allowed to mess with his own weapons. _Renji ranted in his head as he flailed against Sado. He threw everything he had into hits against both men until Ishida retreated back towards the machines and something in Renji just… broke.

As Ishida clamped the IV tubes, Renji reached out towards him with a free hand. He couldn't fight the sob in his voice. "Please."

As he prepared to turn off the ventilator and nodes, Ishida turned stunned eyes to the end of the room where only the sounds of silence remained.

"Please, Ishida, please don't do this. What if- what if I can't find her again?"

Fighting his own emotion, Ishida levelled his eyes with Renji and recognized the fear there. "You will. You can have teams of people searching if you need. You know that. Why are you so scared to let this happen?"

Renji snarled, bearing his teeth to push again, before it got choked into a sob. "What if she won't love me again!?" he finally yelled. "The only thing that is sure is right now, and right now she loves me. I am her world and she is mine and what if- what if it goes away? What if I can't bring it back? Please, Ishida, Please…" he finished in a whisper.

Ishida's own vision blurred as he reached down to Mara's left hand, flipping it over to expose the tattoo on her wrist. His tattoo. "Find a way, Abarai," he said tonelessly as he lifted his hand again and flipped the switch.

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Ichigo stood in the hallway next to Orihime as people streamed through the hallway fearing an earthquake. As they ducked into shelter in doorways, He crouched above Orihime, sheltering her from small debris falling as she stayed put. He noticed that a few petals had disappeared from her hair clip and realized that she was, in fact, sheltering them. Even though he couldn't see it, he saw the dust keeping clear of their position as if held by an invisible barrier.

"Inoue! What is going on?" he asked her over the din of loud crashes and rumbles.

Orihime didn't answer him, didn't even acknowledge him. She continued to sit, staring straight in front of her and clenching her hands tightly together.

As quickly as it had come, the 'earthquake' was gone, replaced by eerie silence. It was only broken by a sob and a long beep, let out by the by the opening and shutting of the door to Mara's room. Ishida and Sado emerged, dust covered and a little bloody.

"I can't do this," Orihime finally cried out, leaping and sprinting up the hallway towards the bedraggled pair, Ichigo hot on her heels. "I can still save her!" she yelled as she approached the door, tears streaming, "I can heal her!"

Ishida wrapped his arms around Orihime, pulling her close to him before she could reach for the handle. He cradled the sobbing woman to his chest, stroking her hair as she wept.

"I can save her," she whimpered to him, clinging to his his lapel with a tight grip.

"I know you can, Hime," he said gently, kissing her head, "but she didn't want to be saved."

Ichigo stepped up to the door, eyes wide as he peered through the small window. Scorch marks marred one crumbling wall and tile was shattered. The destruction of the room was nothing compared to the wracking sobs coming from the forlorn figure that knelt at the end of the bed, red hair draped around him where he bowed like a concealing sheet of blood. Renji. He could see Renji! But Renji looked so…

Ichigo's thoughts were cut short by the wall that was Sado stepping in front of him. Sado simply shook his head at Ichigo's astounded expression. "Gigai," he stated, clarifying Ichigo's racing thoughts.

"But I can talk-"

Sado lay a hand on his chest, half restraining, half comforting. "No," he mumbled, "Don't go in there, he's... breaking. Let him mourn in peace."

Turning his gaze back to the closed door and the distraught figure inside, Ichigo felt the strands of hope snap inside him for good. He nodded mutely in understanding.

Inside the room, Renji was oblivious to it all as he sobbed on his knees. None of the commotion reached his ears over the singular sound of the prolonged flat-line beep.


	17. Chapter 16: Halfway There

Alright guys, I wanted to apologize for my story running a bit late. I have been doing a lot of online work as I had to prepare for a work-from-home switch for a bit. The Covid-19 virus is in the county right next to mine now and I am self-quarantining in an effort to stay healthy. If you were wondering how I knew some of the processes and terminology for my fic, it's because I am immunocompromised.

The bright side of this is more time for both work AND writing so I should be able to get some stuff out soon to read and keep you busy during this time. Stay safe everyone and, despite my name, don't panic.

**Chapter 16**

Sitting on the outcrop of rocks near the café with his eyes closed, Renji waited again for morning. It had been months since he sat out here alone, enveloped by the comforting darkness and silence. Today, however, there was no comfort. As the quick tick of the sounds of prep work were joined by the din of commuters, Renji wondered how the world could just go on like every other day. How did no one else notice the hole that had just opened in the world?

The morning birds began to sing, heralding the break of dawn, but still Renji sat with his eyes closed. He was waiting for something else, something better. He made the mental checklist of things he had to do now that Mara was gone, trying to fight the all-pervasive fears inside him. He was so sure of her and their plan when she had been here but now his mind kept wanting to panic. Would she remember anything?

Renji fingered her thread anklet, now attached to his zanpakuto. It had been in his pocket ever since she had to live in the hospital and an IV had been placed on her foot again. He had held it for her, planning on putting it back on. Maybe she would want it again if he found her. When he found her- he reminded himself. When he found her- if she wanted it. If she wanted him. _God, this is too much._

Renji leaned his head into his hands, rubbing his face for what must have been the thousandth time, as he tried to collect his scattered thoughts.

"I knew I would find you out here. Guess your pet wasn't enough to really distract you from- how did you put it?- submerging yourself in my eyes," Rukia asked with a malicious lilt to her voice.

Internally, Renji rolled his eyes. His practiced mask slid into place as he refused to open his eyes. It wasn't time. He didn't want purple, dammit. "I'm not here for that," he replied tonelessly.

"Sure, sure," Rukia said lightly as she slid up to stand close next to him. Too close. "Well, now that you aren't distracted, maybe you can tell me why… that girl… could see you."

"I already told you, Rukia," Renji said with a sigh, still not bothering to look at her, "She died, she came back, she died again, back again, and from there it was one long bout of dying. She could see everything but look at the cost."

Rukia resisted the urge to snort in derision. There had to be more to it that that. "All that just to be greeted with the sight of you? Poor girl," she said in an attempt to lighten the mood; her acerbic tone killing the joke.

"I'm pretty sure the hollows scared her much worse than I did," Renji bit out, "Now if you don't mind, go back to your own insanity. I have stuff to do."

Anger welled in Rukia's chest as her eyes almost brimmed with tears, "I am just trying to save him, you know! Our friend! The one everyone else has given up on! You used to care, Renji. What the hell happened to make you so fucking weak you couldn't even offer help!"

Renji finally opened his eyes, the bright blue edge of the sky expanding as he watched and lending him it's strength. Her strength. "You did," he said lowly, finally standing to leave. "I'm willing to be your friend, Rukia, I really am. If you come to me with some semblance of the kindness you used to have, I will hear you out. But I don't think that even you realize how you are now. Leave me be."

"Useless-"

Renji looked over toward the café pavilion as he felt the slight graze of wind that signaled Rukia's departure. He couldn't help but picture the happy mornings that his Ippin and he had spent, the time getting to know each other inside and out. He was so focused on his thoughts, he almost didn't notice the table, draped in black and adorned with white flowers. Her table. Their table.

Walking closer, he could see that flowers had been arranged all over the table and incense had been lit. An article about when Mara had saved the little boy was framed on the table behind it and her cut black hoodie had been draped over the chair. As Renji stood watching, the owner of the café carried out a butsugu pedestal and placed it on the table with a small dish of rice cakes and Mara's favorite coffee brewed into a decorative cup.

Renji wound his fingers in the small strand now dangling from his sword hilt at the sight, biting back emotion. Suddenly he felt a little less alone. Clearly the hole left in his world wasn't only visible to him. Taking a deep breath Renji began his mental check list again. _Most important, put in the transfer request to soul society. I do not want to go back to my old position. I need the freedom to move and find her, and to be with her after. Plus, no more Kuchiki bullshit. Next-_ Renji's thoughts were cut off as a small, cool hand slid into his.

"Wow. I didn't think anyone would miss me, but this is very sweet."

Renji froze in shock, finally unlocking his neck just enough to look down on the top of a very familiar blue head.

Mara looked up at him with shining eyes, catching the sunlight in their black and amber depths. She smiled at his utter confusion and shrugged, "Yeah. I don't know how it happened either." She turned back to look at the table where a commuter stopped and placed a new stick of incense. "I was all chugging along to go to soul Society in my head but- AHH!"

Renji interrupted Mara with a strong arm around the waist, flash stepping her up against a far column so fast that her head spun. He pinned her shoulders in place so he could take a long look at her. If it weren't for the hair and the eyes, he would swear it wasn't her. Gone was the skeletal look that had only grown more enhanced as time had progressed. Gone were the fine lines around her eyes that pain had placed there. This girl was healthy and strong looking, bright and curvy. If it weren't for the chain sticking from the center of her, that is. But the smile she was giving him… that was definitely Mara.

"Is it really you, Ippin?" was all Renji could manage to ask breathlessly.

Mara's smile softened to a loving grin as she raised her left wrist, hoodie sleeve falling away to reveal her matching tattoo. "Yeah, Ace. It's me," she said gently.

_Holy. Fucking. Shit._

"Who'd have thought that I would be using this tat to convince You and not the other way around?!" Mara giggled out, "But I swear it's me and-"

Renji cut Mara off again, this time with a searing kiss. He roughly delved his tongue into her mouth as her arms came up to circle his neck. Renji could feel her rising to a tiptoe to accommodate his height and slid his hands from her shoulders to her waist, lifting her effortlessly and sliding his knee between her legs and against the column. She gasped against his lips as he settled her weight on his leg and used his grip to pull her taught against him.

Growling, Rengi pulled tighter, sliding her up his leg to elicit another low moan. He'd swear that those sounds she made for him where his drug, always driving on to more to try to get the next hit of the wanton sounds. Her hands traveled down his chest to fist the front if his shihatsuko, keeping him close with surprising strength.

Breaking the kiss with a gasp, Mara kept her forehead pressed to Renji's. "Wow, " she gasped, "Um, yeah- Hi."

Renji grinned and chuckled, not releasing his hold on her. "I missed you," he said simply.

"Clearly," she said sarcastically, chuckling back against him.

He pressed another quick kiss to her lips. "How are you here? I thought… I thought I'd be finding you in Soul Society?"

Mara squirmed against his leg, "Gonna let me down so we can talk about it?"

"Nope," Renji said decisively.

Mara squirmed again, sliding up Renji's leg to get more purchase until their hips met and she could lean against him more comfortably. The sensations from the friction nearly drove Renji to distraction, but he was not letting her go right now. Period.

"I don't know exactly how I'm here. I just knew you needed me and that I had to stay and the gate- there was this bit ass gate at the end of like a really creepy moving tunnel, by the way- just kind of disappeared, "Mara said as her explanation turned to rambling, "And then everything was black for a bit and then I woke up back at Mrs. Yamaya's! Of all the places. Anyways, I woke up and had the teal rietsu flame thing going on again, so I had to do my boxing think but I got it under control, but it… well, it feels like it's more now, like a lot more. But I got it all in the box and then I walked here! Oh my god, Ace! Its amazing! I can move and walk and turn fucking cartwheels if I want! You never told me that this would be so liberating!"

Mara paused her non-stop flow of chatter at Renji's stupefied face. "Sorry, that was a lot and really fast."

"Yeah- no," Renji shook his head to clear his thoughts, "Rewind. You stayed here for me?"

"Well, yeah," Mara said sheepishly.

"Ok, first Shinigami lesson, that's how you get ghosts and hollows," he said with raised brows, "but more importantly, I thought I would be finding you in Soul Society. You know that I can go there."

"Yes, I know," Mara said softly, cryptically.

"But you stayed here," Renji said, trying to draw an answer from her.

Mara's face scrunched up in concentration as she tried to smooth the wrinkles out his lapel that she had put there. Finally, she sighed and looked up at him. "I could hear you in the hospital," she said quietly, eyes dropping. "It was weird. I- I wasn't alive in that body but I was still there, and I could hear you before Ishida had to turn everything off. You sounded like you were so hurt and I knew I wanted to comfort you. But then- then you said that… well, you said that you didn't know if I would love you again and I just could feel that I couldn't leave."

Renji hooked a finger under her chin and lifted it so that she looked at him again, seeming to study her eyes. In reality he was falling into them. His Ippin was jewel in so many ways, not the least of which was now staying here just to ease his worry. He leaned forward and kissed her sweetly. "I'm sorry you worried, Love," he told her softly, "I am not as strong as I seem. I'm always afraid to jump after what I want, always have been. How do you just leap straight to flying without worry or care? I just- can't, and now I've dragged you back here…"

Mara cupped his strong jaw and smiled at him. "I'm always afraid," she said, "You are the one that showed me that some things are worth doing even when you're scared. I just had to remind you of that!"

Renji couldn't help the smile that graced his face, even if he still had trouble wrapping his head around her view of him. "You know that means I am going to have to perform a konso then right?" he asked, internally wondering if he would even be able to let her go again. His unwavering grip on her now did not bode well for that part of their future.

Mara began squirming on his lap in agitation. "Right now?" she squeaked out, "We can't like, I dunno, take a walk or something? Spend a little time? I want to show you my sweet new ability to move!"

Her goofy smile was infectious, but her shimmying movements were forefront in Renji's mind as he dug his fingers into her hips roughly. He pulled her flush on him again, grinding their hips together and letting her really feel for the first time exactly how much she affected him. "If you keep moving around like that, woman," he growled lowly into her ear, sending shivers down her spine, "I will show you my ability to move." He felt the shudder as it ran down her back as he traced his tongue around the shell of her ear to emphasize the words.

Mara looked up at him with wide eyes, nibbling her bottom lip, before turning her pretty, bow shaped mouth into a wicked smile. "I can't see how that would be a bad thing," she said with false innocence as she leaned forward to nip his collarbone. "After all," she continued in a near whisper, pulling at his uniform top, getting him to bend to her, "I may actually have a chance at keeping up with that feral edge of you that you keep so brutally in check."

Mara punctuated her words with a bite to the junction of his neck and shoulder where he continuously loved to mark her. Renji couldn't even help the growl that rumbled in his chest. Or that his hands seemed to move of their own accord, one gripping her lower back, as the other slid underneath her spread legs. The new pressure and movement caused Mara to make one of those sexy gasps again, this time right against the tender skin of his throat.

"Please, Renji," she moaned, sliding herself against the pressure of the hand under her.

Renji's tenuous control was at a breaking point as he wrapped his free hand in her hair, pulling her hair gently to make her look at him. "So, no more of the wait-until-we-know-you'll-remember thing?" he asked, immediately regretting it as she stilled her hips and the hard edge of lust clearing from her eyes.

"You're right," Mara sighed pushing back against his chest, "I'm only halfway there, yet."

_Fuck me for being right, _Renji scowled to himself as he grabbed on the Mara's waist so he could move his knee. He stilled though as soft fingers smoothed out the angry lines and lightly traced the tattoos across his brow.

"You know I want you like crazy, Ace. I crave you," she whispered softly to him, placing a feather light kiss on his cheek, "but I really would like to remember my first time, especially since it will be with you."

Rengi's head whipped up to look at her in shock. He didn't know-! All that greeted him however were Mara's laughing eyes and playful smile as she reverted to bouncing excitedly. "Can we go for a walk now? I can walk!"

Laughing gently, Renji finished lowering her to the ground where she took off like a bolt.

"Come catch me!"


	18. Chapter 17: And It All Goes Up In Flames

**Chapter 17**

Sighing in contentment, Mara smiled up at Renji from where her head lay in his lap, the afternoon sun bathing them both in warmth. "I understand the appeal now," she said with a soft laugh as Renji's fingers skimmed the sides of her neck while he ran his fingers through her hair creating and undoing intricate, multicolored braids. "I could never lay on my back to have enjoyed this before. How'd you get so good at braiding anyways?"

In answer, Renji grabbed the end of his ponytail and tickled her face until she broke out in giggles and a smile cracked across his face. Renji smiled and went back to playing with Mara's hair.

"Will we still get to do this in Soul Society?" Mara asked, looking back at Renji again.

"Of course, Ippin," he replied, "Maybe not as much time to do what we want, but we will make it happen. I will still have a job."

"Am I going to have one?" she asked with curiosity.

Renji couldn't help the scowl that crossed his face, "Probably."

"Wait," she said with a slight edge to her voice, "You don't want me to have a job? I've never had a real one before except fast food as a student before I got sick, what if I want to work?"

Renji's hands didn't waver in their mesmerizing weaving, but his expression lightened slightly as he looked at her. "I will never keep you from doing what you want to," he said earnestly, "I just worry that you won't have a choice to. You are powerful, Love. I can feel your spiritual pressure now despite your suppression which is actually really good. I won't be the only one who can sense it. They will recruit you, maybe even try to force you into Seireitei. I want you to do what you want."

Mara smiled at him as she raised gentle fingers to trace his jaw and ease his worried expression. "Maybe, I'll be powerful enough that they can't!" she said with an exaggerated wink, finally bringing Renji's smile back."

"Maybe, Ippin, but don't let them hear you say that," he said chuckling.

"Oooh, treason?"

"No, Kenpachi Zaraki."

Mara's eyes widened as she remembered the many, many stories Renji had told her of his time in the 11th division. It was the beginning of how he became such a ruthless fighter, she knew. A whole squad of people like that had to be led by a crazy strong, or just crazy, leader… and they were. "Gotcha, lips zipped!"

"Mmm, hopefully not…" Renji drawled as he trailed a hand down the side of her face and ran a large thumb over her soft, pink lips. He had to take a calming breath as she bit the tip of it quickly before reverting to her impish smile.

Her eyes flicked to the bright sky, enjoying the feel of laying in the sun, but something seemed… off. It was a feeling in her veins, a tenseness that suddenly seemed to take hold. Mara tensed on Renji's lap as she studied the sky, but it seemed like the flash in her peripheral had been nothing because she couldn't see anything now. Still, something felt wrong in the pit of her stomach.

"What's wrong?" Renji asked at her as she grew tense against him.

"There's something… off with the sky, Ace," she said, squinting her eyes as she scrutinized the horizon.

Renji flicked his eyes up, seeing nothing. He looked back down at Mara, running a thumb over the small frown lines in her forehead. "Maybe you are noticing the protection barrier? It flickers sometimes if something is burned up trying to get in," he explained.

"Maybe," she said relaxing a bit, before tensing again. "No. That. It is a flicker I guess but… you don't feel that?"

"No… there's nothing there," he said, glancing again as Mara sat up from his lap.

She leaned forward as if to get a better view, but she closed her eyes. Watching her intense expression, Renji tried to sense anything around them but he only felt her. Finally, Mara moved, shooting upright and pointing to the right side of the sky.

"There."

Renji followed the line her arm made, eyes hitting the sky right as a giant crack appeared in the barrier and the earth around them began to shake. He immediately grabbed Mara's arm as he leapt up, pulling her to run with him to cover. From the trees, they looked back out to see the crack splintering farther.

"We have to get to Hat and Clogs. The barrier is anchored there, maybe we can strengthen it," he said, bowing his head towards hers.

Mara nodded as she took his hand and prepared to run. "What could do this?!" she asked in terror.

Renji grabbed Mara's arm instead and swung her up on his back. "It'll be faster if I flash step us there, hold on tight. As for what's causing this, the only Idea I have of what could be this powerful are arrancars. Lots of them."

Mara tightened her arms and legs around Renji as he leapt up to the tree branches, knowing he could move faster above the streets. He leapt from branch to branch so quickly that the park was just a blur of green around them, but the crack only seemed to grow in the sky. As Renji jumped from the next tree to the first building in Kisuke Urahara's area, the sky was filled with a noise like shattering glass as the barrier seemed to implode on itself.

Renji and Mara paused to look up at the sky, expecting mayhem as Renji drew his sword to face the opening. "But… I thought…" Mara trailed off, whispering next to his ear.

"Fuck."

"Ace, what's going on?" Mara asked quiety as Renji jumped down from the rooftop with the grace of a cat. "Why are there only 3 people up there?"

Without turning to look at her, Renji pushed Mara behind his back as he replied, "Not people. Arrancar. And for only 3 to get through, at least one of those is an espada. But I thought-" Renji cut himself off as he narrowed his eyes, looking at the distant figures closely, "I thought he was dead. Shit."

"He was dead. I'm sure of it," a deep voice rang out to Renji's right.

_Rukia._

Still not averting his gaze from the dangerous trio surveying the town, Renji growled over his shoulder at her, "What the hell are you doing here?"

"That's your focus? What the fuck are those three doing here? I thought you were supposed to be watching out for this town, but you are clearly pathetic at that as well. And what is your pet doing here, too?"

"Tch," Renji uttered, scoffing at her lack of answer.

"Like a dog afraid to let go of his prize bone. Fine," Rukia ground out between clenched teeth, "I am here because I have something that's actually important to protect." She shot a glare at the wide-eyed figure, hiding behind Renji's guarding frame. "At least they can't find Ichigo with that one emitting rietsu at the level she is. I could feel her from halfway across the park."

Mara looked hard at the small Shinigami. "I suppressed it, though."

"Not well enough," Rukia replied tonelessly, "You're a spirit now, human ways only hold so much. But you had this useless waste of space to teach you so I wouldn't expect you would know any better."

Mara could see Renji's shoulders drop the barest fraction, pressed to his back as she was, and could feel rage boiling in her. "Well, with a dead sister and a brother-in-law that valued your life less than his morals, I imagine you weren't taught how to control that cesspit of a mouth you have any better, either," she said sweetly.

Rukia's face went red, but Mara continued, "Then again… knowing you are protecting a man who, not only can't see you, but has found it unimportant enough to keep trying could put you in a sour mood, I guess."

Rukia tuned to point her blade at Mara, abject hatred painted on her features. Before Renji could move to shield Mara from the other woman, the figures in the sky began moving towards them drawing their eyes and blades to the sky. Renji didn't dare blink as they approached fast, one at an especially alarming rate, before they came to a stop too near for mistaken identity.

"Ulquiorra," Renji said lowly, hardening his stance at the approach of the pale man with green eyes.

Mara didn't dare look out from the protective shelter of Renji's body as she heard a monotone voice speaking to close for comfort. "I see the same trash still rolls around in this terrible little town. Interesting that it seems to produce such power from such… fools. Do not be stupid, you both know that you are doomed if you attempt to fight us now. I sensed an immense power building here and thought perhaps Kurosaki Ichigo was back, but I see that is not the case now that your barrier doesn't dull my senses. Give me the girl."

"Hoero Zabimaru," Rengi growled out softly running his hand down the blade. Mara was again fascinated to see the blade transform to the toothed monstrosity with a wisp or red. Still, she didn't risk moving even as Renji's stance hardened into an attacking crouch.

Her eyes were drawn to Rukia next who twirled her blade in a beautiful arc of white rietsu. "Mae, Sode no Shirayuki." Mara wanted to gawk at the blade and woman before her. Pure white and emanating cold power- this wasn't what she had expecting. Rukia was so… cruel. Renji had told her a zanpakuto was a reflection of its carrier's soul. Rukia must have been wonderful.

Before Mara could think about it further, however, the monotone voice rang out again. "Woman," Ulquiorra said tonelessly, "Are you as big a fool as they? Come with me. Do not ask questions. Come and leave with us and they will be spared. I have learned something of humans and their 'hearts'. If they are willing to throw down their lives for yours then you must want to spare theirs."

Mara stiffened against Renji's back. Would he do it? Would he actually leave? She could feel Rukia's eyes on her, assessing her mental battle with a curious look on her face. Mara stood stock still before poking her head out slowly from behind Renji, finally catching a glimpse at the speaker and his companions. Dressed in all white and pale as the moon, these new hollows seemed polar opposite the shinigami protecting her. Her eyebrows rose as she saw the lead hollow was a small man, thin and shorter than Renji by nearly a head, but his face and eyes spoke of desolation. She felt small and isolated with just their eyes locking. He stood still as she assessed him silently, glancing at the two Arrancar behind him briefly but dismissing them quickly as the lesser threat. Her eyes locked on his face again, but she was careful to maintain her neutral expression as she ran through what he had said in her head.

Ulquiorra could feel the woman's scrutiny trying to take him apart and put him together again. She wanted to know if he would honor what he said, he could tell. She wanted to know why his presence made her feel nothing but loneliness and despair, even if she didn't realize that was coming from him. As surely as she seemed to be memorizing his face however, he was memorizing hers. She was different from most of the humans he had met, he realized, as she stayed oddly silent while she observed him for any flicker of emotion to reveal the thoughts in his head. Clearly, she was not inhuman however as his trap playing on her heart seemed to be working. She kept inching more into view around her protector with each second.

Still, Ulquiorra felt a strange wariness as she looked out with black eyes from the shadow of the veritable wild man guarding her. Maybe it was her crazy blue hair that made him find her irredeemably impetuous, never a good trait for a powerful captive. Maybe it was that her dark eyes seemed calculating and intelligent. Or maybe it was that she seemed to give away almost no more feeling than him in her delicate face; her mask hid all the fear he knew she must be feeling and all the worry that would let him know he was winning.

"You will not harm him- them," she finally answered.

"I said no questions," he responded dryly, "I abhor repeating myself almost as much I abhor rushed conversations."

Mara's face finally moved as she raised her eyebrow, eyes hardening. "It wasn't a question."

"Pity, you are as much a fool as they," Ulquiorra stated, not showing the slight shock he felt at her gumption, "This is not a discussion of if you are coming with me in which you can negotiate terms. You will be coming. I am giving you a chance to do so without sacrificing other lives. Make no mistake, you are already a prisoner, you just don't know it yet. I can feel you, woman, I know you now and I will track you to the ends of the earth if there was ever a chance you could get away to begin with."

Mara took a deep breath and stepped out from behind Renji only for his strong arm to immediately reach out and yank her back behind him. "What the hell do you think you're doing!?" he demanded roughly.

"Saving you," Mara grumbled as she tried unsuccessfully to wriggle from his grasp, shaking the chain on her chest in her attempts, but she stilled at a small gasp.

Ulquirro couldn't catch his shock quickly enough, but he quickly schooled his face. However, Rukia had been watching him closely and picked up on the momentary lapse and it's cause. "You didn't know she was a soul. So much for your all-seeing eye, Ulquiorra Cifer. What does that matter?"

"Nothing to you." Ulqiourra watched as Mara struggled against Renji before she looked at him with pleading eyes. The red-head did not relent, maintaining hold of her. "I have seen enough here," he muttered, casting his dark gaze to one of the arrancar beside him, "Take her."

Mara screamed as the monstrous man shot forward too fast for her eyes to track, but metal met the sharp bone protrusions above her head. Renji swung Zabimaru up in a block shoving the arrancar back. He swung the blade in wide arc, unleashing some of Zabimaru's length toward the hollow who easily parried it charging back in. Renji shifted his grip on Mara as he spun quickly to the side, landing a glancing blow on the creatures back that did very little damage, and Mara realized how she was slowing him down.

"Let me down! Let me go to him and stop this!" she cried at Renji.

"You dumb bitch," Came Rukia's voice as she braced for an attack from the other arrancar. Ulquiorra looked his way to send him off. "He's not going to let you do that. He is fighting for you, don't bring dishonor by being weak. Run away and seal you rietsu-"

Rukia's words were cut of as she dodged a blow from her opponent. Turning quickly, she spun to land a solid blow on the creature sending it staggering. Meanwhile, Renji was futilely swiping at his attacker, blocking and hitting in kind but making no real damage without being able to put his body behind his hits.

"I won't let them take you, Ippin," he said lowly, a desperate edge to his voice.

"Okay," Mara relented, "If you set me down I won't go to him." Faster than sound, Renji had moved against a wall, freeing his arms as he blocked her body with his against the wall.

Renji sent the arrancar flying as he unleashed a huge blow head on, gripping his sword with two hands. His rietsu rolling off him waves. Mara looked out at a small ringing and Rukia's loud voice shouting out, "Tsugi no mai, Hakuren!" Mara watched in awe as an avalanche of ice taller than the building she stood against rose from the tip of Rukia's sword. The small shinigami climbed her self-made mountain as she called to Renji, "You have to konso her! They are after her alone!"

"You remember what he did to Orihime! She can't go in the dangai!" he yelled after her.

Rukia glared down at the pair. "Figure it out, Abarai!" she yelled as she dove from the highest point with a yell, sword flashing.

Renji cast worried eyes at Mara but was drawn back to the battle as the ice sheet shielding them cracked and fell. The arrancar from before leapt over the rubble but was met by Renji's sword again. This time, Renji swung upward, catching him under the arm before digging the teeth of Zabimaru's blade into the unguarded flesh. With a roar, Renji surrounded his blade in rietsu and yanked upward, effectively sawing off the arrancar's arm. The arrancar was sent back reeling, and Renji looked at Mara again.

With a hard nod, he instructed her, "Rietsu for us is fluid, not a set amount. Get rid of your box and think of a gate or a dam. You hold it back inside yourself, releasing as much or a little as you want,"

"What?' Mara said shocked. He wanted to teach her now?!

"Thant's how shinigami suppress or release rietsu. We don't box it, that's too definite for the deep well of power you have. You need to try to suppress it more effectively so I can get to soul society," he explained, "I have to send you! Try!"

Mara scrunched her eyes, trying to block out the sounds of battle and picture a well to dump her overflowing box into. The moment she tried though, she couldn't concentrate enough to do it and she flared with power. Trying to gather her scattering thoughts, Mara didn't notice the battle stop around her as all eyes were drawn to the towering column of rietsu surrounding her. Both arrancar, mouths watering with a hope of a taste bounded forward, Ulquiorra also finally turning and approaching slowly. Rukia leapt next to Renji as they both stood to fend them off.

"Don't try to move your power," Rukia elaborated between grunts as she blocked swings, "It's a part of you now so it wont move. Build around it. something strong, something deep to wall it from everyone else."

Mara's surprised eyes shot to Rukia, "Why are you-"

"You were going to give yourself up for us. Me. too. That buys you today."

"What is the strongest thing you can think of, Ippin? The safest?" Renji coached, parrying another blow, from one of the arrancar.

"Umm… a vault. A bank vault," she answered quickly.

Renji turned to give her a comforting look. "Then build that in your mind, around your power. Not ideal but we will deal with that later- Fuck!" Renji cut off as he dove to cover Mara from a blast above them."

"What the hell was that!" she screamed, taking in the slow drip of blood working its way down Renji's forehead, his hair hanging loose now, blown from its ponytail.

"Cero... bala… doesn't matter. Vault, Mara! Make your vault!" he yelled over the din of falling concrete, Renji rose, whipping Zabimaru around again at the approaching figure who's own arrancar were killed by the blast. His sword was batted away like a fly.

"She has to go, Renji!" Rukia shouted as she scrambled up, preparing for her next attack.

"I- Fuck!- I know!" he yelled back. He turned slightly to see Mara crouched on the ground, eyes closed and hands over her ears as she tried to wrap her head around the suppression of her power. It was working though, dimming slightly. "Mara! Do it! Lock it away and don't let any out. Lock the door!"

Mara looked up at Renji, eyes wide and nodded in understanding. Suddenly her spiritual pressure completely disappeared.

"It's no matter," Ulquiorra's voice called out through the dust swirling in the air. There is nowhere safe from me. Here, in the passage, I will get her. It was too little, to late. I told you this was a hopeless fight."

Renji seemed to see in slow motion as Mara pressed herself back into the wall so hard he thought she was trying to go through it. Rukia released another avalanche of ice, charging forward to attack from above but Ulquiorra was too fast. He broke the ice and slashed Rukia across the chest with his bare hand, sending her crashing back to the wall and splattering both he and Mara with blood. Rukia climbed back up to face him again.

"Now, Renji!"

Then it finally hit him, he knew one way to ensure Mara got back safe if she kept her rietsu in check. Ulquiorra didn't know this way, but… Looking down at Mara's terrified and blood covered face, Renji made up his mind.

_I'll find a way._

"Dammit!" Renji yelled as he turned his back on Ulquiorra and plunged his sword into the thin air in front of the wall.

Mara watched with shocked eyes as a gate appeared, 2 doors opening and emitted… butterflies? Before she could think Renji had picked her up off the ground and she caught a split second of Ulquiorra's widened eyes.

"Where does- NO!" the espada uttered, quickly sliding his blade out and slicing Renji shallowly along his back. Renji released a bone shattering blow with a yell, eyes glowing with his own willpower to keep Mara safe. He caught Ulquiorra across the chest, drawing a thin line of blood and sending the espada back for a moment.

That was all Renji needed; one precious moment. He put a bloody hand against Mara's cheek, cupping her face as he raised the handle of his sword. "This is the best I can do Ippin. He can't find this way unless he feels you. Lock your vault and don't let anything in. Forget the combination. Promise me!"

Mara could only nod as she took in the sight in front of her eyes. A green blur of power approached filled with doom, blocked only by the man in front of her. Renji's hair fell in straight strands across his face, blending in with the streaks of blood. He breathed hard, tensed for a blow but his piercing eyes never left hers as he dragged a bloody thumb across her lips.

"If you remember nothing else, remember that you are loved," he said thickly, pressing his lips to her forehead.

"Ace-" Mara gasped as he quickly pressed the emblem on the butt of the handle of his sword to her forehead and shoved her through the open gate.

All Mara could hear as she was enveloped in white light were earths-shattering crashes and a loud, deep voice yelling, "BANKAI!"

.

.

.

It was all white. Where had he put her? Mara wondered as she seemed to fly down a hall made of light. Maybe he- wait, he who? How had she gotten here?

The white had widened, and she didn't know where she was, or why she was there. Mara looked at her blood-spattered clothes, letting out a scream.

_Why am I covered in blood? What happened? Get it together, M-mar- mar?_

The girl screwed up her face tightly. _Remember. You have to remember… something. But what? Who from, who for? For me? _She looked at her arms, covered in scars and tattoos she couldn't understand. _Holy shit, what happened to me? What do these even say?_

Suddenly she could feel a rush of air and could picture a set of dark piercing eyes surrounded by red. _Remember…_

As she tumbled on the ground, ejected from the gate, she could only picture those eyes and red. Was that blood or hair? And she could hear something, something being yelled…

"Bankai!" she yelled as she tumbled into a luscious garden. She looked around the foliage and spotted a man with silver combs on his hair like a crown. A gauzy blue scarf hung over a white jacket with a strange character on the back. His half-gloved hands had already travelled to a katana on his belt as he stared at her in shock.

The unfamiliar girl rose unsteadily to her feet, reaching out to the unfamiliar man, noting rapidly approaching black figures in her fading vision.

_Remember._ Piercing eyes. Red like blood.

"Bankai?" she asked pitifully as she fell back to her knees, trying desperately to stay conscious.

She felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up blearily into dark blue eyes, clouded with wariness and confusion. "Who are you?" the deep voice demanded.

"i-" the girl racked her brain for a name, who was she? "I don't know," she answered haltingly.

"What? Why are you here?" blue eyes asked more forcefully.

The girl's eyes welled with tears. _Remember. Eyes. Blood. _"Bankai?"


	19. Chapter 18: Policy of Truths

How's everyone hanging in there, guys? Here, I am on day 5 of quarantine, watching the map as Covid-19 approaches like sharks drawn to chum, but we are bunkered down, working and praying. I desperately hope that all of you are safe. I know that this is just a fanfic, but hopefully some of you reading are getting to escape the day for a few minutes with me. Please drop some comments and let me know how you are, how you think the story is doing, and what else you want to read, either with this story or giving ideas for another! Stay safe y'all.

**Chapter 18**

"Cowards!" Grimmjow yelled at the wide-eyed new recruits to the 9th Division with disdain. It made his mind reel that the people who managed to capture and hold him even still began as weaklings like this. "You all came in here bragging, who's gonna put their money where their mouth is?"

Rolling his eyes, Grimmjow focused on the biggest loudmouth to enter the practice arena. He narrowed in on the unsuspecting student. "You," he said pointing at the poor man.

The man pointed at himself comically, looking around to see if he was mistaken. "Me, sir?" he said softly.

Grimmjow smiled wickedly, exposing his long canines. Shit, he loved making them quake. "Oh, it's 'sir' now, huh? Tch. I don't see anyone else who said… what was it? 'What kind of crap squad did I join that has us learn from some washed-up hollow'? Was that it?"

The student's eyes grew wide as plates and Grimmjow relished every trace of fear in their depths. Smiling even wider he stepped forward and tossed the man a long bow staff. He dropped it as he tried to catch up to the quick movement. Of course, he did.

_Jeez, is Hisagi trying to scrape the bottom of the barrel?_

Grimmjow finally dropped his smile, his teal eyes flashing dangerously in a glare at the belligerent student. "C'mon, pussy. You talked real big. Can you even land a single hit?" he asked, tilting his head like a curious cat.

The student's face screwed up in anger as he took a fighting stance.

"Jaegerjaques!" A commanding voice rang out from the edge of the practice arena, drawing the eyes of all the students before they bowed their heads respectfully.

Throwing a toothy grin over his shoulder, Grimmjow made no move to change his laid-back position. "Aww, c'mon Cap," he drawled, "You know I'm just messing with them."

"Dismiss them," Hisagi said definitively, "we have to go."

"Alright cap, let me just finish with this one first," he said with a chuckle as he sonido'd forward, making the startled man jump in his skin and grip the staff tighter. "Fighting stance, now," he snarled at the student.

Out of nowhere, a black and silver scythe like blade whipped between the two like a whirlwind of pain and death, yanking both of their attention back to the captain, who was looking sternly at the combat instructor. "No, Grimmjow. We have to go. Now."

"Fucking fine," Grimmjow said with a sigh, "Go clean toilets or some other such bitch work that you guys are suited for." He began strolling over to Hisagi, a protest on his lips, when Hisagi took off in a shunpo and Grimmjow was forced to sonido after him to keep up.

"Why the fucking rush, cap? What the hell?"

Hisagi slanted an annoyed look over at the espada keeping pace with him. "What else? Blue hair."

Grimmjow's teal eyes widened. "Fucking finally," he muttered as he cast his eyes around the nice area they were approaching, "Where'd they find this chick anyways?"

A small frown etched across Hisagi's face as he answered, "The Kuchiki Manor."

"Shit."

At a small nod from Hisagi, they sped up even more into bare streaks of white and black streaks across the sky. Grimmjow's mind was reeling, however. How the fuck had she ended up there? This was not good. If they sensed her power and had her first... No. She had to go with Hisagi. He had to be able to win her over! He couldn't help but wonder what she would be like. Would she be powerful and driven like Kurosaki to where he could just wind her up and point her in the right direction? Or would she be pliable and easily manipulated, but soft, like that woman who had fixed him all those years ago. Shed had a body like a goddess but- damn if that didn't mean he'd have to treat Mara with kid gloves just to get an inch of violent power from her.

His time to ruminate was up to soon as he and Hisagi landed lightly inside the garden walls of a sprawling manor. Kuchiki Byakuya threw them a questioning glance before striding over.

"What are you doing here?" he asked imperiously.

Hisagi assumed a docile expression as he answered simply, "I heard there was a situation here with an intruder. I wanted to see if I could aid you in any way."

"Do you assume I cannot protect my own home, Captain Hisagi?" Byakuya asked him shortly, side-eying the teal haired espada with him.

"Of course not, Captain Kuchiki," Hisagi answered honestly, "But as your fellow captain and possibly even your friend, is it wrong of me to inquire?"

Byakuya's face did not change but his eyes softened. "No, I suppose not," he replied, "Actually it's a rather strange situation. She won't say anything, won't let anyone near her, but she is not actively fending anyone off, either. She is currently curled in that corner there and won't unwind for anyone. I have called the captain of the 4th in hopes that she may have better luck." He pointed toward the far corner of the walls of the garden as he led the duo in.

As Hisagi strode forward, a sword came out in front of Grimmjow halting his step. "You," a guard said nervously, "don't go any farther in."

Grimmjow rolled his eyes but paused his steps and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Whatever," he said to the guard. He could see perfectly well from the edges. Hisagi shot a glance back at him, as if to check on him and Grimmjow wasn't sure if he found that annoying or not. He gave a small nod to the captain to show he was. He could see perfectly well from where he was standing, and his keen eyes searched the area for the one he had been preparing for.

He wasn't really sure what he was expecting of the woman, but all he knew was it sure as hell wasn't… this. This small speck of a woman with blood smeared on her face and matted in her wild hair, all the shades of blue in the ocean and sky. Her black eyes looked out from the shadows where she was, wide and scared. She held herself wound up like a ball, trying to disappear amongst the stones. This was not the visage of power he had imagined at all.

Hisagi approached with Byakuya, stopping his steps when he saw the figure in the corner curl up tighter as they grew closer. "Have you tried speaking with her?" he asked. "Of course, you have," he said in answer to his own question as Byakuya shot him a bored look. Hisagi studied the bloody and terrified girl closely. "How did she wind up here?"

"She came through my personal senkaimon. She must have been sent here."

It was Hisagi's turn to cast a scrutinizing look at the captain beside him, "Who could do that?"

Byakuya sighed deeply as he thought about his reply. "Outside my family," he said cryptically, "there is only one other who could have sent her. I fear she will have to be kept... somehow… until I find out why she is here."

Hisagi fought to maintain his composure at this news. All he could picture was Matsumoto's meaningful look when she dropped her façade to hand him that letter. He had to draw her out here and now to bring her with him, but this was absolutely not his element. Hisagi stayed silent and stoic as his mind raced.

From a distance, Grimmjow watched the two captains converse, fighting a rising growl of frustratioin. Instead, Grimmjow focused on the cowering woman again. Something was wrong, something was missing. Grimmjow closed his eyes briefly before they shot open in recognition. _Where in the fucking hell is her power!? _He could feel a trace of her rietsu when they came in the garden, but it hadn't increased despite them getting closer and her obvious distress. It should have. Grimmjow focused harder. He had gotten very good at sensing rietsu out of necessity. Not just who was who but what power they suppressed, and he could feel… nothing. She shouldn't even be able to suppress it yet.

With a flick of his wrist, Grimmjow swatted the guard's zanpakuto aside and stepped towards Hisagi with a shout. The guard sprang quickly after him, shouting that he could not go further. The pair of captains turned quickly, as well, Hisagi ordering Grimmjow loudly to stop. In the midst of the chaos, an ear-splitting scream rended the air like shattered glass and drew everyone's attention.

The woman.

She had stood, plastering herself against the wall of the garden. She looked as confused as she was terrified, looking strangely at her arm as it lifted to point at Grimmjow. Her mouth moved, lips trembling wordlessly before she screamed again, "BANKAI!"

Everyone in the garden ducked slightly on instinct, but nothing happened. The girl had begun to dissolve into tears. She didn't understand why this new, bright haired stranger in white had caused such a reaction in her, but the fear of him was visceral. Her weary eyes travelled to the hole in his abdomen before looking at the other shocked faces around her. Why was no one around her doing anything?

She locked onto the gray, piercing eyes of the new arrival that was dressed much like the first man in the garden. Despite the scars and tattoos across his face, his gaze was comforting; his piercing eyes seemed so similar, if lighter, than those that kept replaying in her head. She anchored herself in his concerned gaze, finally gathering her garbled thoughts. "Help," she whispered, "help, please. Remember? Bankai?"

Hisagi drew in a sharp breath as her eyes bored into them, the shining gold flecks seeming to suck him into the dark depths. She seemed so small and afraid. He was shocked to see how much blood covered her clothing. Was she hurt like this? Was that a handprint in blood on her face?! "Captain Kuchiki! Where is the fourth? She needs help!"

He looked back at the girl who's large eyes now welled with tears. She reached a tentative hand for him before yanking it back, head shaking. She glanced at Grimmjow again before turning desperate eyes back to him. "Help. Please!" she said forcefully.

Finally, Hisagi understood. He flash stepped in front of the shocked espada, blocking him fully from her view. He spread his arms, making sure Grimmjow got the message to not try to duck around. "You're safe. You're safe now, I promise," he said lowly.

The small woman finally allowed her tense frame to sag against the wall and she looked around as if finally seeing things clearly for the first time. "Thank you," she murmured before her eyes rolled back in her head and she collapsed onto the ground.

Captain Retsu and Lieutenant Isane walked up to Byakuya right as the girl hit the ground. "This is a troublesome situation, Captain," Unohana said questioningly.

"Indeed," Byakuya said with a nearly disinterested air, "Just please take her to the infirmary for healing. I will look into this."

"Cap," Grimmjow hissed at Hisagi from behind his back.

"Not now," Hisagi said, shushing him before speaking out loud, "Captain Kuchiki, I would like the woman to be cared for in the 9th squad infirmary."

Byakuya's eyes widened a bare fraction, the only hint of his surprise at the request.

"And why would you want that?" A deep voice rang out beside them.

The captains now turned to see a diminutive but powerful figure headed towards them. Captain Hitsuguya's bright turquoise eyes took in the scene quickly. Luckily, he missed the wide eyes that his lieutenant, Matsumoto, cast frantically between the girl on the ground and Hisagi behind his back.

Byakuya sighed, casting his heavy stare on the new visitors. "Why is everyone in my garden?" he practically grumbled.

"Is it wrong for us to be wary of an intrusion event?" Toshiro asked bluntly, raising an eyebrow at Byakuya, "Besides, it sounds like we are here in time to settle a dispute."

"There is no dispute," Byakuya answered shortly, turning to Unohana. "Take the girl."

Matsumoto's lips parted in a silent gasp but Hisagi gave her an imperceptible nod and turned to address both Toshiro and the other Captains.

"Wait! It seemed like I was able to get through to her somewhat. Maybe I can build up a trust." Hisagi approached the girl, turning to look at Byakuya, "You saw her reach for me."

"I'm sure Captain Retsu can handle the situation," Byakuya replied blandly, Toshiro nodding in agreement.

"Captain Hisagi," Grimmjow interjected.

"Not now, Grimmjow!" Hisagi roared before looking back down at the prostrate woman. He couldn't help but feel moved by the sight, she was so small and so vulnerable as she lay near him. She had been so frightened. Covered in so much blood; he wondered what she had been through before this. Hisagi knew that he had to protect her. Something in her called to him to do so.

Hisagi clenched his fists at the side, breathing deeply as he tried to figure out what to do. Raising his head, he saw the surprised expressions of the gathered crowd. He was not one known to ever lose his temper or raise his voice. Both Grimmjow and Matsumoto looked on with pained expressions.

Hisagi took another look down at the girl and began shrugging off his white captains haori and laid it gently over her blood-streaked body. He knelt by her, swiping some hair off her face and tucking the haori around her before he lifted into his arms and cradled her to his chest. Hisagi sucked in his breath as he finally really looked closely at the girl and he couldn't help but admire her delicate features and full lips. Her long lashed fanned over naturally pink cheeks. Her porcelain skin glowed in contrast to her tide pool hair. Her curves, however hidden from view, fit snug against his hard body like she was made to be kept there.

_Please forgive what I am about to do, Mara, _Hisagi thought to both her and himself.

"Byakuya-sama," he said lowly, finally raising his eyes to meet confused blue ones. His addressing of the Kuchiki clan leader was highly irregular, especially for him. _Good, throw them off. Shit, this is so wrong. _Hisagi made sure not to let a whisper of his thoughts reflect on his face. He let his gaze linger on Byakuya before turning back to look at the girl. He was afraid his eyes would give him away.

"Byakuya-sama, how did you know at first sight with Lady Hisana… that you loved her?"

It was suddenly as if all the air had been sucked out of the garden. Hisagi looked up from the girl to see all eyes had widened in shock. Grimmjow and Matsumoto's mouths hung open, gaping. But Byakuya- for a brief moment, Byakuya's mask dropped. His whole expression spoke of the pain of loss from wide eyes to trembling lips. He glanced quickly between the Hisagi and the limp figure in his arms before the mask, again, assumed its place.

Byakuya narrowed his eyes at the pair, studying Hisagi for the barest flinch. To his surprise, he saw none. Slowly, Byakuya nodded his assent, catching everyone around off guard again. "You will keep her available for me once she is recovered as I inquire about the situation."

Hisagi nodded as he adjusted his grip on the waif-like woman, cradling her more fully to him to support her head against his chest, and began to walk toward the group.

"Also," Byakuya followed up with painful slowness, "She will still be considered my ward and decisions on her future will be discussed with me."

Hisagi froze, turning to look at the other captain with narrowed eyes. "That should be up to her, I would think. Wouldn't you?"

"Until she is able, then," Byakuya amended.

"Come," Unohana cut in, "we need to get her to your infirmary section and set up."

Hisagi only nodded his assent to her before sending a commanding look to Grimmjow. All three disappeared quickly from view as they shunpo'd and sonido'd away.

Behind Unohana, Grimmjow brought himself even with Hisagi to speak to him. "Oi, Cap, can I finally fucking talk now?" he whispered.

With a soft sigh, Hisagi slanted his eyes to see the disgruntled hollow next to him. "Like I can stop you in private. What?"

"That was a hell of a piece you wove back there. Pretty sure that the chick with tits for days seemed a little upset at your 'declaration'"

Hisagi bit his lip in thought, remembering that Matsumoto's face had dropped the barest fraction but he assumed it was just shock like everyone else. He knew that it was wrong, but he had been desperate. He said the only thing he knew would trip Byakuya up- a reference to his dead wife. "Look, don't be an ass. If you're just-"

"No, no! Not at all, Cap. I think that may have been the most ballsy thing I've ever seen you do. But that was a hell of a line to use when you didn't need to," Grimmjow responded with a smile that seemed to only be a sneer in disguise.

"What do you mean? Was it not necessary? They weren't going to let her leave. If her power gets in the wrong hands-"

"What. Power." Grimmjow replied, his smile verging on maniacal.

Hisagi almost stopped in place as he reached out with his senses to the girl. He could feel her rietsu, bright and crisp as a crashing wave, but it was minimal. Barely above ordinary and… he could sense no more. _What have I done? I have betrayed all their trust and she's not… fuck._

"Exactly," Grimmjow laughed out, "but we are in it now, Cap. At least she looks like she may be kinda hot under all that blood. Hope you like her better that Tits McGee because you are stuck with her now!"

Hisagi sealed his lips tightly, containing his hot-headed response. Looking down at the delicate face pressed against his chest, he sighed and held the girl closer. _We are indeed stuck now, Mara. I fear you will grow to hate me and the chain I've tied around your neck without you knowing. _He couldn't help but note how, in her sleep, she had grabbed onto the lapel of his shihakusho with a delicate hand as if cuddling it- him. Maybe, if he could win her over, it wouldn't be so bad.

Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, Hisagi pulled in front of Grimmjow and sped toward the isolation of his barracks.

.

.

.

"Glad everything was fine here Captain, we will be going now," Toshiro stated to Byakuya, turning to leave the garden before barking out, "Matsumoto!"

"I will as well, Captain," Isane said in her sweet voice, bowing slightly as she addressed him.

Byakuya opened his mouth to dismiss her officially but was cut off by a disturbance from behind them. His Senkaimon. Again.

All eyes turned as the gates opened to emit a single Hell's butterfly and a bloody and torn Abarai Renji who immediately fell to the ground, his broken zanpakuto still held fast in his clenched fist. Isane ran forward immediately but Renji had already risen to prop himself up on his tattooed forearms, flipping over to raise Zabimaru's broken tip at the gate. His piercing eyes glowed red from his blood covered face as he finally lowered his hand and looked around the garden, sighing in relief.

"Renji?" Isane said gently, kneeling next to the broken man, "Is it really you? We- we need to heal you! Immediately!"

Renji ignored her completely, turning his eyes to Byakuya. He could feel the weight of the dark stare his captain levelled on him. "Mara?" he growled out.

Byakuya raised one perfect brow as he studied Renji. _He's changed,_ he thought, looking at the extensions of intricate ink that showed through the blood on his hands and arms. His hair flowed wildly around him, long enough for him to sit on. Those weren't the changes that caught Byakuya's attention the most though, it was Renji's flat expression and direct, pensive stare. Byakuya could see his own blocked façade staring back at him, a controlled disinterest that no one could read what it hid. Renji's eyes now carried a weight of their own as they seemed to filter into and through Byakuya's carefully crafted shell. "Who?"

The narrowing of Renji's eyes at him was the only hint that he was struggling to keep himself in check. "The girl," he hissed menacingly.

"Mm," Byakuya said as he turned his back, leaving Isane to deal with the ordeal of taking Renji for healing, "yes. She is being taken care of. We will discuss this… ordeal… when you are healed. Welcome back, Lieutenant Abarai."

_At least she made it here, _he thought as he finally caved into the beckoning darkness that hovered at the edge of his vision. _But, goddamn, Lieutenant Abarai again. _Renji closed his eyes, picturing Mara smiling up from his lap at him, bathed in sunlight, and sighed in peace. _But for her, I will always find a way. It's worth it._ As blackness closed in on Renji and he vaguely heard Isane's voice calling to others for something, Renji's mind finally began to realize something he had missed- _How did he not know her name?_


	20. Chapter 19: Swimming in Cursive

(A/N) Plot building chapters ahead, just giving you a heads up. Whole new batch of oldie but goodie characters for you tho so maybe that'll ease the frustration of no gor or sex.

anyways, hope you are all staying safe out there. to echo 9/10 of the world rn- **stay the fuck home**. Also! forgot to mention int but good song to mood set with last chapter is Ruelle _Deep End . _any suggestions to go with this one? LMK in the comments.

**Chapter 19**

The woman opened her eyes to find herself in a room filled with light. The effect was only heightened by clean white sheets spread over her. She didn't recognize the room she was in, what she could see from her position lying down. Where was she? How did she get here? And why did this feel like a familiar situation? Her mind began reeling and she closed her eyes trying to block out the images flooding her of what had previously transpired to land her in this… place.

The smell of fresh blossoms drifted in on a light breeze filtering through the open window and she breathed deeply with a contented sigh. The soft scent relaxed her and she stretched her aching body as she tried to sort the confusing images in her mind.

She had vague impressions of greenery- a garden?- and people in black milling around. They had tried talking to her but her head was spinning and she couldn't focus. There was a man with grey eyes that looked like he understood. He- had he helped her? Yes! He protected her. He protected her from that other man. Teal hair and hole as black as night right through him! He was terrifying.

The woman gasped sharply in the bed as she remembered the utter terror and desolation she felt. No one had seemed to know what to do and there was a threat near. He could hurt or kill-! Her vision ran red as she struggled to recall more. Try as she might, before the garden there was only white…

_Remember. Blood red. Bankai._

The sounds of shuffling paper near her made her sit up with a start. She was breathing heavy and couldn't help but let out a yelp at the sight of a thin blonde man sitting caddy-corner to her bed at the corner to the room. He raised weary eyes up to meet her own. Despite his gentle smile, his eyes looked irrevocably sad. He wore what looked like a black uniform and a sword in a sheath leaned against the seat next to him amid piles of barely organized papers.

"Hello," the man said gently, "I'm glad to see you are awake."

She stared at him with saucer eyes as she pulled herself from her thoughts even as a cold sweat still lay in a sheen on her brow. She looked quickly around the room at the unfamiliar surroundings before looking back at the slight man. "Where am I?" she asked in a trembling voice.

The man's sad eyes seemed to reflect pity in them. "You are in the infirmary of the Division 9 barracks," he replied, "The captain seems to have distinct worry about your wellbeing."

The woman's face screwed up in confusion, "The what?"

With a soft sigh, the man shut the large book on his lap. "You are in Soul Society, being taken care of by the members of the 9th division and their captain, Hisagi Shuuhei," he said patiently, reading the girl's face to see if she was following. "Soul Society is where souls go when they have died on earth," he further explained, "You came in under somewhat odd circumstances and so are being cared for here."

He could see the gears turning behind her black eyes as she looked at him passively, trying to make sense of what he had just told her. After Hisagi had told him how she had been back in Captain Kuchiki's garden, he was just grateful that she seemed to have ability to think. He had volunteered to watch over her to give him some much needed study time alone, but he had been worried that she would wake up raving.

"So," she said slowly, scrutinizing him warily, "you are a member of this 9th division then?"

"No," Kira responded, smiling softly, "I am actually studying for a captain's exam of my own. I volunteered to watch over you for the away time it would give me and as a favor to my friend. I'm Kira Izuru."

"Nice to meet you, I'm- huh," the girl led in politely but stumbled as she tried to remember anything at all, "I'm Ma…M… Mar…?"

Kira watched with definite pity as she faltered. It was clear that she remembered literally nothing from before she came to Soul Society; less than most, even. "Mara," Kira supplied her, having mercy on her struggle, "Your name is Mara. It is nice to meet you as well."

_Mara, _she thought to herself. The word seemed foreign to her, but it seemed to fit the empty spot in her head where her name used to live. A small comfort settled in her at the gift of identity that she had just been given. _I think he's right. My name is Mara. _"How did you know that?" she asked him, focusing her dark gaze on him with uncomfortable intensity.

"You have multiple tattoos, apparently. The name came from the one on your right arm," Kira answered quickly. He could understand her suspicion and fear. He watched her flip over her right arm and look at it quizzically before heaving a sigh. "I will alert Hisagi that you are awake. Do you need anything?"

"I- no," Mara replied in a voice laden with resignation, "Thank you though… Kira."

Mara stared out the window as she departed and tried to remain calm as she observed her new surroundings. She could hear voices carried on the breeze, what sounded like shouted commands and group responses, but they were too lost on the wind to make out. Sun spilled across green lawns and cobble stone streets with packed earth paths leading of them into the grassy areas. Birds chirped from their hiding spot inside flowering trees that released soft drifts of petals like snow.

_Well, I suppose there are worse places to wake up. Not that I can think of a single fucking one._

Mara smiled ruefully to herself, running her arms over her forearm with the useful tattoo on it, before the door of her room slammed open and startled her out of her reverie. She jumped and turned to look at the door before her heart dropped to the pit of her stomach. "Oh shit!" she cried as she jumped off the bed to move near the wall, her wobbly legs nearly giving out as her feet hit the floor. She dove behind the bed.

_Him. It. What the hell is it and why is it here? I thought… but the man with the gray eyes!_

"Well, good morning to you, too sleeping beauty! Get your panties out of a wad, I'm just here to check on you for the Cap, a'ight?" Grimmjow said roughly. He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms as he stared at the other side of the bed to wait for a response. Of course, he wasn't actually there **for **the captain, he was there for himself. He'd been passing that hallway for hours waiting to see Kira emerge. He trusted his senses on that first day but part of him wanted to make sure that he was right and that she wasn't his ticket out of here.

Feeling the room as she sat in fear against the far wall only seemed to confirm that she was as cowardly and useless as the rest of them. Nor rietsu, no power, no nothing. Fuck it. He'd tried to tell Hisagi that he shouldn't speak for her. He'd even told Hisagi that keeping her here was a bad idea- what good could she do them now?- but no. Cap had to go and open his trap and now honor that shit. Now, he got to deal with a cowardly little girl- whom he had to admit had surprisingly good reflexes.

Mara stayed silent on the other side of the bed, wondering what to do. This... thing… said he was sent from the captain, but he was bad, like bad bad. Wasn't he? Finally, she gathered her breathe and thoughts enough to respond. "You were sent by a captain?" she asked, still not rising from her spot behind the bed.

"Not **a **captain, doll," his deep voice replied, seeming to sneer in reply, "**The **captain. You are in the Squad 9 barracks, which means that the members-"

"I know that," she grumbled out loud, "but I'm wondering why the hell I am here and why **you** are who was sent. Who is this all-powerful captain, anyways? And who-"

"Slow down, woman," Grimmjow said with a sigh, turning to the side to look over the scattered papers that Kira had left behind. Even the wannabe captain's study guide would be more useful than this bitch. "You are in Soul Society because you clearly died in the world of the living. You are in this squad's barrack because my captain may just be an idiot, as most shinigami are. And he is not all powerful, which is how this mess started in the first place."

Grimmjow's candor only served to confuse Mara more. She finally moved and peaked just the barest bit over the edge of the bed, relieved to find that those disconcerting teal eyes were not fixed on her. The tall man seemed to be looking at something where the blonde previously sat, and she examined his strong profile. His look was exotic compared to the few people she remembered seeing here, with flaming teal hair to match his eyes, which had equally bright teal markings around them, and a white outfit consisting of just loose pants and an open jacket with the sleeves rolled up. He was buff and clearly not afraid to show off the corded muscles in his large arms and defined waist. Mara hated to admit it, because he was still inexplicably scary, but he would be really hot if she weren't terrified of him.

"Shinigami?" she asked hesitantly, still not daring to come out further, but the man thing still didn't bother looking at her.

"Well aren't you gonna fit right in with the crowd here. A shinigami. A reaper. Help the lost little souls get to this place, their supposed fucking paradise," he said bitterly, as he lifted a few sheets of paper to look at more under them.

Mara didn't miss the insult, but she didn't miss the anger in his tone as he finished that statement either. Her curiosity won over pride, however, as she preferred to get answers from someone who didn't seem to mince words. "You aren't a shinigami," she stated, earning only a snort in return which almost made her smile. Almost. "Then who are you? You said this was all members of the 9th division."

Grimmjow sighed laboriously, leaning his head back so as to roll his eyes back even further. "Are we really doing the whole formal intro thing?" he asked, annoyed. He finally slanted a look over at Mara, who's head peeked comically above the edge of the bed. "For real? Ugh… I'm Grimmjow Jaegerjaques, the combat instructor for the ninth, and I am most definitely not a shinigami."

"I could tell that just by your outfit. And what's with your blue hair? Hair doesn't come in blue," Mara said primly.

Snorting disdainfully again, Grimmjow released the papers he was flipping to turn his face toward Mara, who had now risen to lean her arms on the edge of the bed. "You're one to talk, doll," he said with a pointedly raised eyebrow.

Mara's eyebrows furrowed as she looked at him suspiciously, slowly reaching her head back to pull a thick braid from behind her back where someone had plaited it. Grimmjow had a hard time holding back a laugh as she flicked her eyes to the end and let out a small yelp. She quickly let out the tie and combed her fingers through her hair, pushing it in front of her face to see the multi-hued strands from black to light teal like Grimmjow's. "What the hell did y'all do to me?!" she asked in a screech, casting an angry and suspicious look at the espada.

"Oi, we didn't do shit to you! That's how you were when you came. What color is it supposed to be then?" he asked hotly.

Anger had driven Mara to finally standing to her full diminutive height, arms crossed in front of her chest. "I- I don't know but… not this… I don't think."

"They say that when you get here as a Whole, that your appearance is that of your soul, so I guess yours likes fucking blue. Don't get bitchy at me, it's you that is fucking useless at remembering!" Grimmjow said, an edge of irritation to his voice. This wasn't fun anymore now that she was not only useless, but also not afraid.

Useless. Mara didn't know why but that word made her angry. Angry to the tips of her toes and depths of her soul. She has vague impressions of feeling it, of trying to soothe away that feeling from someone else.

_"…useless to you after you gave all this up…" a deep voice had rumbled through her mind. Anger. "… not a tool…" she had replied._

The snippet of a vision was gone as fast as it had come, rooting her in the spot. Was that- was that a memory? She couldn't recall anything except the snippets of feelings and a few words… and that voice. She new that voice. Remember.

Mara's eyes lit with in internal flame as she levelled a glare with Grimmjow across the bed. He looked perplexed but she didn't care about his curiosity right now. "You dare to call me useless? I'm here trying to pluck answers from some soul reaper cast-off to fill in blanks that I apparently shouldn't have. And a lot of good it's doing me."

Now, Grimmjows own anger flared as he turned fully toward the girl, stalking closer. He began to grin when he saw her cower and press against the wall at his approach, his hollow hole and sharp-toothed jawbone on full display. "Listen here, woman. I am not a 'cast-off' of anything. I am an Espada. I am the king. You would do well to remember that as you fumble through this sad shinigami existence that you are stuck in."

Grimmjow began to turn away, disgusted as tears started welling in her large, gemstone eyes. He huffed to the door and almost missed her quiet reply, "So you are held here no less than me. Tell me, Grimmjow Jaegerjaques, are you still a king if you're in chains?"

Whipping back around, Grimmjow prepared to rip into the woman. How dare she question his position? How dare she make **him **question his position?! But his rebuke died on his lips as he saw that her deceptively observant eyes were focused on her own slim arms where she had pushed up the sleeves of her robe. He could see her tracing the scars over her hands, wrists, and down her forearms that seemed to glitter silver on her pale skin- arranged like constellations of macabre stars. The marks were ruled over by her tattoos, splashes of black ink that stood out in stark contrast. He had been told she had them, so it came as no surprise, but the one on her left wrist looked familiar somehow…

Grimmjow let himself silently out of the room, rushing away before Kira came back and went to find Hisagi himself. They had a lot to discuss before he met that girl. _At least the meet and greet wasn't a complete waste of time_, Grimmjow thought to himself as he ran toward the captains meeting that he had no problem interrupting. Fuck protocol. He had found out three very important things today.

This girl was smart, observant, and they had to be very careful how they played this so that she wouldn't catch the deception.

This girl was powerful. It had only been a glimpse. A brief millisecond. It had looked as if she had zoned out, but in that second, more of her rietsu had leaked out and that little drop led him to a tidal wave. He didn't know how she had learned to suppress it so completely, or even how she was doing it, but that power was there for the taking, even if the doors on it had slammed back shut.

Most concerningly, however, was that this girl's tattoo showed that someone else knew about it. Someone else could reach her and already had at some point. He wouldn't ever forget that group that swept through Hueco Mundo only 7 years ago and it didn't take him long to place the design on her wrist. This girl, Mara, was marked for Abarai Renji.


	21. Chapter 20: Weep

**Chapter 20**

_What the hell am I even doing here?_

Hisagi couldn't help but vent to himself as he paced around the empty infirmary room a few doors down from Mara. He took of his white haori and threw it across a far chair as he paced the room. How had he let Grimmjow talk him into this utter ridiculousness, he wasn't sure. He threw himself heavily onto the futon in the room as the events of the morning ran through his troubled mind for the thousandth time.

It had all begun so normal. Well, abnormal but in a normal way. An emergency captains meeting had been called about the events in Byakuya's garden the day before which of course annoyed Byakuya to no end. Kenpachi wanted to know if it was something to fight. Mayuri wanted to know if he could inspect it. Toshiro let them know the girl wasn't an it and was spoken for… and that's where it all began to break down. As soon as Mara was brought up as a person, all eyes had turned to him. All eyes except Matsumoto's, that was. She did nothing but stare at her feet from the wall she was perched against, hair hiding her face. Was she concealing her knowledge or was she upset?

No sooner had he begun to sweat under their inscrutable looks did he questions begin. Some were benign, like how was the girl doing. Others were more pointed about his feelings and what this meant for his future. Then Byakuya had sealed the deal on uncomfortable by asking when he needed to arrange his ward's betrothal.

Betrothal.

Hisagi could feel the tic in his temple returning at just the thought. She had been here less than 24 hours and hadn't even woken up and they wanted to arrange a marriage.

.

"You look distressed, Captain Hisagi," Byakuya remarked blandly. His face showed disinterest but his eyes showed a determined intent, a keen observance to any slips in the armor around the newest captain. "You stated love- a love at first sight, no less. I would assume you would want this."

Hisagi had been caught off guard by the question, but it's root only fueled the reason behind the lie. She had basically just come in the wrong door and was already being used as a pawn in power plays even though she had no power to play with. "It is not all about what I want. Mara hasn't even woken up yet and already you try to make plans for her with out her feelings or consent," he answered back, eyes narrowed and lips tensed into a firm line.

"Mara, is it? Quite familiar already, it would seem," Captain Kyoraku said, more teasing than anything, but the remark streaked through the gathering.

"Indeed," Mayuri seemed to hiss out, "And how did you become so familiar when she is supposedly still asleep?"

Hisagi suppressed the expression of disdain that almost flickered across his features at the monster in captains clothing. "It was on a tattoo on her arm that looked like a medical alert," he replied shortly.

"So, you are in the habit of searching passed out women?" Captain Soi-Fon sneered.

"What?! No!" Hisagi Garbled out, shocked at the accusation, "Captain Unohana and the 4th took care of placing and readying her for care!"

"Tch. Handy that she cannot verify that," Soi-Fon said with an eyeroll, "Where is she anyway?"

"That is none of your concern," Byakuya stated coldly.

"It's not like it's some secret, Captain Kuchiki," said Captain Ukitake in a placating voice, "Acting as such just creates more division." He continued, turning to Soi-Fon, "She is with Abarai Renji who has placed in a deep state of healing inside her Minazuki."

The news staggered Hisagi. Renji was back!? When?

"It seems he came in asking after the girl, whom you have rightly assumed is named Mara," Toshiro said calmly, "Which makes your declaration of love all-the-more worrisome. We can't have dissention among the ranks."

"Hmm, what if he already knows your Mara-chan?" Kyoraku said, lifting his hat slightly to raise an eye brow at Hisagi.

"Are we all forgetting," said Captain Komamura in a growl, "That the girl's entry into our world was highly unorthodox to the point that she is practically a Ryoka?"

"She is NOT a ryoka-" Hisagi started in vehemently before being cut off by Byakuya.

"Does that mean you are willing to do whatever it takes for her to be accepted here, Captain Hisagi?" he asked pointedly.

"Shouldn't you be willing to as well?" he asked Byakuya with vehemence, "You are the one who declared her as your ward!"

"Considering his main witness is in an unbreakable healing zanpakuto," said Kenpachi with a vicious smile, "that leaves the girl for us to wrangle it out of."

"Or to… question," Mayuri said rubbing his bony white fingers together in hopeful anticipation.

Seeing Hisagi's face locked in an expression of horror, Ukitake jumped in, "Regardless of the senkaimon she come in through, she came in as a Whole and so should not be battled or picked apart at all. She should be protected, like all the souls here-"

"But it was still an invasion of a sort," stated Toshiro, "we need to look into her-"

"NONE of you will touch her!" Hisagi finally yelled, fists clenched at his sides, "Are you all still stuck so far in the old ways that you can't even think of just waiting on her to answer? Or just asking?"

"It was my understanding," said Kyoraku, "that she was not… all there to question."

"If it is something nefarious, we can't afford to wait," replied Komamura.

Kenpachi loosed his sword in it's sheath, stepping toe to toe with Hisagi to tower over him. "Are you gonna stop us?" he asked dangerously.

"The law would only be on his side if he were officially lined up to protect her through something like a betrothal," Byakuya stated boredly.

Hisagi saw the bait he was dangling, but he set his face in stone, ignoring the looming Kenpachi to turn to Byakuya. "You think this is some sort of test-"

His sentence was cut off and silence took over the room as Genryusai-sama banged his can on the floor. "Enough!" he roared.

"This must still be investigated," the old man said sternly, "but as a Whole, Ryoka or not, she should be protected by her guardian. At this point, that is Kuchiki Byakuya as she is his ward, the decision of whom she will be questioned by, Mayuri or Kenpachi or otherwise, will be up to him."

All it took was split second. Mayuri stepped toward Byakuya, hands out in a placating form. Byakuya's eyes flicked to Hisagi before turning toward the Head of Science and Research. Hisagi remembered Grimmjow's broken form as he had pulled him from the pits under 12. The stench of death. If he could bring an espada so low, what would he do to the girl.

"No." Hisagi said lowly.

Genryusai-sama turned slowly, eyes narrowed at Hisagi who now stood directly in front of the dais.

"No," he said stoically, "that right would go to her betrothed, not her ward keeper. Correct?"

"Yes, it would," he replied evenly, levelling a hard stare at the seething Hisagi.

"Then in that case," he said, looking hard at Byakuya, "Draw it up and make the announcement. I am to marry the girl."

Movement at the back of the room caught Hisagi's eye and he saw a trace of auburn hair disappearing out the door. Hisagi didn't have time to wonder what had happened to Matsumoto before the door was flung open wide by his vibrant Combat Instructor.

"Captain Hisagi!" Genryusai-sama roared, "Rein in your pet Espada! And keep that girl with you at all times. She is yours to protect now that you are betrothed."

Hisagi flash stepped away from the shocked eyes of his peers, yanking Grimmjow with him. The espada's eyes were wide as saucers as he processed the rushed words before his maniacal laugh rang out loudly to echo in the large chamber and follow Hisagi out the doors.

"Holy shit, Cap! You're fucking having to get married to the chick?!" Grimmjow belted out another scoffing laugh, "How the fuck did that-"

"One more word, and I swear I will enjoy my time using Kazeshini to reap you," Hisagi growled, still pulling the espada away from near the captains meeting.

"Don't tempt me, Cap," Grimmjow said lowly, his eyes lighting up.

"I don't have fucking time for your games, Grimmjow!" Hisagi said, losing his temper. That was happening far to often now, he noticed. He took a deep breath, calming his voice. "Why the hell did you burst into that meeting?"

"She's awake, thought you'd wanna know," Grimmjow said with a grin.

Hisagi rolled his eyes, beginning to walk away from the espada. He wasn't in the mood to humor him. "That is what Kira was there for," he said over his shoulder, "to tell me when she woke up. He sent word through a messenger, 5 minutes ago, like you are supposed to with a captain's meeting."

"But he didn't tell you everything…" Grimmjow drawled, speeding his steps to walk up alongside Hisagi. "Like how something is holding her power back. I felt it today."

"What did you do?" Hisagi asked, pausing his steps.

"Nothing!" Grimmjow exclaimed innocently, "But she zoned out and for just a split second, it was there. I could feel it. And holy shit, if they choose to get it out of her like they did me we are fucked."

"That won't happen," Hisagi said surely.

"And how do you know that, Cap? You're the newest one there, they can-"

"They can't break the law. I'm betrothed to her, she is now under my protection. They can't break something sacred like that," Hisagi explained. "Besides, they can ask Abarai now too for their investigation, once he wakes up."

"Wait," Grimmjow asked, his next point to bring up dying on his tongue, "Your boy is back?"

Hisagi slanted suspicious eyes over to Grimmjow at his sudden calm, "Yes. Why?"

Grimmjow shook his head nonchalantly, flashing the tips of his extended canines in a smile that didn't reach his eyes, "Nah. You just know how I feel about that Hueco Mundo crew. Anyways, now that Mara is awake and gets to find out she is engaged to you, we need a game-plan. You can't just go in announce 'Sup! I'm your husband, now make me a sandwich.' "

"Who in their right mind would say that in any circumstance?" Hisagi asked with disgust as Grimmjow leered at him. "Nevermind. I hesitate to ask after that statement, but what do you propose I do?"

"I'm afraid, Cap," Grimmjow looked at him dramatically, "that you are going to have to woo her."

.

So now here he got to sit, attempting to woo someone he didn't love to make her love him so that she wouldn't freak out when she found out that she was engaged to him.

_How did this get so messed up so quickly? This. This is why you should never lie._

Hisagi picked up his old guitar in disgust, listlessly plucking the strings. Grimmjow thought that music would be something she would find 'hot'. Hisagi didn't even care about that right now. Music relaxed him. It helped him to drown out the constant replays of his life in his mind, and god did he need that right now.

His long fingers wrapped around the neck of the guitar as he began to work through chords and the notes began to squeak out. Hisagi focused on relaxing his tense grip. Slowly but surely the notes began to flow out correctly as Hisagi went over what Sado had taught him many years ago, flowing from tune to tune. He began working through the 'classics' as Sado had told him they were called, his breathing evening out with every strum across the string. He was so into the music that he almost missed the soft sound of a shuffle at the door.

He cast his eyes up angrily at being disturbed, causing Mara to duck slightly behind the door frame, clutching her robe even more tightly around her. He immediately softened his expression as he regarded the girl, fingers stilling on the strings. She still looked so scared and nervous, but her dark eyes were clear. Her blue hair fell in soft waves around her pale face, only serving to highlight the tremble in her lips and her hunched position. It was such a juxtaposition, how much she folded into herself despite her open expression and wild hair practically reaching out on its own.

"I- I'm sorry," Mara stuttered out in a musical voice, "I just heard the music and it was so... I didn't mean to disturb you."

"It's no bother," Hisagi said kindly, "did you want to come in?"

Mara looked carefully at the man in the room. At first sight he was intimidating to look at. His spiked black hair messily framed a face that was as handsome as it was tattooed. The gray/blue stripe across the bridge of his nose and cheekbone only highlighted the 69 on his cheek. Three razor thin scars ran over his right forehead, over his brow and eye all the way to his chin. He was built, but not bulky. A streamlined perfection that screamed raw power. The choker and armbands he wore seemed only accentuate the corded muscles on his body. But his eyes, gray and clear and kind, set her at ease. She new those eyes. The captain that had made her safe in the garden.

"I, uh, aren't you going to keep playing?" she asked.

"If you don't mind still listening to it," he said, refocusing on his guitar. He wasn't sure if he was turning away because he didn't want to put undue pressure on her, or because he couldn't decide how to feel when he looked at her. His heart got heavy at the sight of her. That was guilt, he knew. He had turned her world upside down and she didn't even know it yet.

But the other part of him… that side didn't care that everything leading up to her leaning on that door had been wrong. That side saw her wrapped in a robe, leaning on that door with tousled hair and salivated at the thought of being the only one to see that view every morning. She was uniquely beautiful to the point that he wanted to be the one to wrap his hands in that hair and leave it mussed. He couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to have his own arms wrapped around her the way she wrapped her own arms around to shield herself.

Hisagi adjusted himself in his seat, anger rearing at his errant thoughts. Sadness prevailed in his mind that he knew that would never be his life with this arranged betrothal he had just agreed to. Shaking his head at himself, Hisagi ran his fingers over the frets as he began strumming out another classic as he felt her settle on the other edge of the futon in the room.

He began to lose himself in the music as they sat in silence. He began another song as the first finished and was surprised to hear what sounded like humming. He looked over as he played to see Mara with her eyes closed, swaying gently and humming along to the chorus. He stilled his fingers on the chords and watched as her eyes slowly peeled back open.

"You know this song?" he asked

"I- I guess I do? I mean, I hear it and I know the words, but I don't remember anything about it," she gave him a tight, apologetic smile. "It's been a rough couple of days I guess…"

"You can say that again," Hisagi mumbled as he turned back to place his fingers on the strings again.

"You picked an appropriate song then," she said softly.

Hisagi tilted his head to raise an eyebrow at her over his shoulder, "Really? I've never heard the words… will you sing along?"

A pretty blush covered Mara's cheeks as she gaped slightly at his request. "I don't- I don't know if I'm a good singer. What if-"

"Only one way to find out," he said as he gently struck the opening chords. Leading slowly into the first verse. He didn't know if she would follow his lead but maybe, maybe this could be some way they could connect. He watched as Mara's eyes drifted closed again, brow furrowed in concentration.

"[I look at you all, see the love that is sleeping, While my guitar gently weeps,

I look at the floor and I see it needs sweeping, Still my guitar gently weeps.

I don't know why nobody told you, how to unfold your love

I don't know how someone controlled you, they bought and sold you...]"

Hisagi's fingers paused on the strings again and Mara looked at him sadly. "Sorry," she said biting her lip in a way that diverted his attention to it completely for a moment, "I warned you that I didn't know if I was good singer."

"It's not that at all," Hisagi said, snapping his eyes back to hers, "Did you know you were singing in a different language?"

Mara's eyes grew wide as she looked at him, "What? Really?"

"Yeah. I noticed you had a bit of an accent when you first started talking but I couldn't place it," Hisagi remarked, "Now, I'm guessing it was because this was your second language. You must have engrained it enough to still remember."

"But not my name?" Mara asked incredulously.

"Minds are strange and fragile things," Hisagi murmured as he reset his fingers again. "Think you can translate?"

Mara shrugged at him, "I can try."

Hisagi kept his eyes on her as he replayed the chorus and lead Mara into the next verse, smiling slightly as he began to hear the words coming out in Japanese. His smile slowly faded as he began to really listen to what she was singing.

"I look at the world and I notice its turning, while my guitar gently weeps,

With every mistake we must surely be learning, still my guitar gently weeps.

I don't know how you were diverted, you were perverted too

I don't know how you were inverted, no one alerted you"

Hisagi's fingers tripped over the strings as he cast a glance at Mara, seeing her singing so accurately without a damn clue. He almost stopped playing. He almost threw the goddamn guitar across the room. Almost, but then she looked at him, curiosity on her features, those fucking mesmerizing flecks of amber in her observant eyes drawing him into oblivion.

"I look from the wings at the play you are staging, while my guitar gently weeps,

As I'm sitting here doing nothing but aging, still my guitar gently weeps."

He couldn't take anymore. Hisagi finally stilled his fingers and lay his hand across the strings to stop the reverb. He couldn't look at her, so he just kept his eyes ahead focused on the blank wall ahead toward the door. The two of them simply sat in silence for a full minute.

With a deep sigh, he finally looked back over at Mara. He was surprised to see that she was lost to her own reverie, tracing the outline of her medical alert tattoo. And he was appalled to see a single tear streaking down her soft cheek in utter silence.

"I'm sorry," he said gruffly, "I didn't mean to-"

"It's not you," she said in a raw whisper. She shook her head, taking a deep breath as she wiped the tears from her misty eyes. "I told you it was a good song for a rough day," she said with a bleak laugh, giving him a half-hearted grin.

Hisagi gave her a small but genuine smile back, turning to face her fully. "You hit that one on the head. Is that thing at least giving you some comfort?" he asked, gesturing to the tattoo that her thumb now caressed.

Mara let out a small snort, catching Hisagi off guard. "Maybe it would if I could read it," she said in a frustrated voice, "but I guess reading didn't transfer to this language."

Hisagi hesitated before reaching out his large hand toward her, long fingers beckoning for her hand. "I can at least help you with that one, if you'll let me. I'll read it to you."

Mara's eyes flew to his gray ones, trying to read for any hint of malice or judgement. Finding none, she slowly extended her right hand to lay it in his. Her breath couldn't help but catch as she laid her cool hand against his warm one and a jolt of electricity shot between them. Hisagi couldn't help but smile as she handed him so much trust and didn't pull away at the nearly ironic spark between them.

Slowly his eyes left hers and he bent to read the characters on her arm. "This is a medical alert tattoo," he explained, pointing to the red cross at the top. "It had information of what people needed to do if they found you in distress." He slowly dragged just the tips of his fingers down the lines of script as he read to her, leaving goosebumps in his wake at the feather light touch. "This says your name is Mara Oliviera, you are 25."

"Were," she corrected him quietly.

Hisagi studied her face searching for a hint of how she felt about that fact, but a mask of sadness had settled in. He couldn't tell if it was a result of the situation in general or if that was because of the singular revelation she had just spoken

"Your doctor was Ishida Uryu," he stated pointing to the next line. That one had taken some time for him to wrap his head around when he had first seen Orihime's letter, but it shouldn't have surprised him. Fun stuff always seemed to always be coming from Karakura town. At least he was used to the fact before Mara actually got here.

"These, however," Hisagi said softly, dragging his fingers down the next few lines, "list your diagnosis… diagnosises? I doubt I can even pronounce all of them." His coarse but nimble fingers traced the veins in her wrist to the closest cluster of small pinprick scars, smoothing over the slight bumps. "I have been told that these scars are leftover from treatments."

Mara's hand lay over his, stopping his gentle movements. She wrapped her small hand around just two of his fingers, barely able to circle them, causing Hisagi to swallow hard. "I get it, I was really sick. That was probably why I died right?"

Hisagi shifted his gaze from their linked hands to her sad face. She didn't look up at him as he replied, "Probably."

Her grip tightened on him as she finally looked up, meeting his gaze with her own tearful one.

_Those expressive eyes could break a man's heart, _he realized.

"Then why did I come in the way I did?" she practically pleaded, begging for an answer to the chaos she had been left with.

Hisagi didn't break eye contact as he ran his thumb in soothing circles over her knuckles where she held onto him, "We will find out, I promise," he said earnestly, "Until then, It is nice to meet you Mara. I'm Hisagi Shuuhei."

He was graced by a small but real smile that knocked his socks off. "Captain Hisagi Shuuhei, I think you mean," she said gently, giggling slightly at his widened eyes, "I **have** been kept in your infirmary, plus I recognized you from the garden. You were the one who helped me. Thank you for that by the way."

Smiling a rare and heart-stopping smile. "You would not be the first person freaked out by Grimmjow," he chuckled, "he's an acquired taste and there is a long story that goes with that."

"You'll have to tell me sometime," she said, untangling her hands, suddenly nervous.

Hisagi tightened his hold on her fingers before she could jerk away completely. He didn't know why… he just didn't want to lose the contact with her. "Did I- Mara, did I say something to upset you?" he asked.

"No, I just- ," Mara looked back at his piercing gray eyes that seemed to stare into her before she had to break the long look between them. What the hell was wrong with her, she wondered. Here she is in this strange place with even stranger residents and she is getting weird vibes and all tingly around some hot guy with a guitar. No, she corrected herself, not some guy. A fucking captain. For all she new there could be a thousand captains wandering around this place, but it sure sounded important. Yet here he was, asking after her, saying 'they'- like him and her together- were going to figure this out all to help her.

There was something about him though, something that made her trust him. Something about him made her feel safe. A much more obvious something made her want to feel those strong hands on her and test the reach of those long, dexterous fingers. The thought alone made her blush as she looked at him, still studiously avoiding his eyes.

Mara jolted herself out of the reverie, out of the warmth of his hand around hers. He was just being… kind. Like yesterday in the garden. Like his eyes promised he was. She must just be reacting to the crazy now surrounding her with hormones, reaching out for comfort from the one person who seemed to be offering it that could actually deliver. "Why are you trying to help me?" she asked, finally finding her voice.

Hisagi's eyes stayed soft but his mouth tensed into a hard line as he averted his eyes to the open door. "You have already spoken to Grimmjow, so I am guessing he made his unfavorable opinion know. He has very valid reasons for his view, but I don't believe Soul Society is all bad," Hisagi said slowly, "There is a lot of politics to the balance here and just by your entrance it threw in an unknown factor. Some would never hurt you. Others would want to pick you apart. I don't believe that is right and… and something about you makes me want to protect you. I mean- beyond it being the right thing to do."

Mara's eyes shot to Hisagi's face, exploring it for any crack in his expression. She had been in this room for what? 20 or 30 minutes. Beyond the time in the garden, when he had basically calmed a wild woman, this man hadn't been around her. So what was he- "What are you saying?"

Hisagi's eyes met hers, unreadable sheen of sadness covering their normally open depths. "I just-" he bit his lip with a heart-stopping sexiness that he wasn't aware of, "I want you to be free here despite your entry. So that you don't have to worry, I've placed you under my protection. No one will defy that." Hisagi stepped back, almost awkwardly, as he dropped her hands.

Hisagi watched as a variety of emotion flicked over Mara's face as he spoke and stepped back. Shock and confusion were the most prevalent as she darted her keen eyes over his face and removed body language but he could see want flickering too. It mattered not if it was actually want of him or comfort, either one would draw her to him. He wasn't sure why he had said what he did about feeling more except that it was true. He didn't know why it was true, but it was a relief to tell the girl a shred of truth. The question was if she would accept that truth or run from it. The war inside her was clear as she seemed to physically fight herself from running away or reaching out to him simultaneously.

_Come on, beautiful. Don't run away from me so early._

Slowly, so slowly, Mara took a step toward him. She hesitated, almost pulling back before reaching out her hand to gently lay it on Hisagi's arm. "Thank you, captain," she murmured, inhaling sharply when his hand immediately cam to cover hers. "I know I'm under your protection but… am I going to see you again soon?"

_You came to me, Mara. I will give you everything. Maybe I can get you to love me before I have to beg you to forgive me._

"Everyday," Hisagi promised as he swept her hand to his mouth, barely grazing her knuckles with his lips, causing her to gasp and blush slightly before he released her to go to her room.

"Mara," he called, catching her mid stride as she turned out the door. She stopped, looking over at his with raised brows. "Please, call me Shuuhei."

He was rewarded with a radiant smile that stunned him into smiling back, not losing the joyful expression even as she disappeared down the hall.

"Holy shit, Cap!" Grimmjow whispered as he sonido'd into the room after Mara had left. "I did NOT think you had that in you. You played that so fucking perfect, you almost had me believing it! You know, if this shinigami thing don't work out, you should be an actor. That- Cap?"

Grimmjow leveled a puzzled expression at Hisagi who hadn't bothered to even turn to look at him yet. Hisagi's face held a thoughtful expression and small smile, his gaze never leaving the door where she had disappeared.


	22. Chapter 21: Carelessness and Crumbs

(A/N) sorry for the long wait guys but shit has been legitimately crazy fucked up. Waking up every morning to play 'plague or pollen' is not a good look for me. anyways, I know it's late, but i made this one extra long to make up for it. Stay safe out there.

**Chapter 21**

Hisagi was making his way to Mara's room, as he had done every morning for the past 6 days, with a new scroll for her. They had been working on reading characters and today he was taking it up to writing. Her body seemed to have improved but she had made no move to leave the room, as if she was used to the stagnation of sitting around, but her keen mind had begun to rebel very quickly to the nothing that surrounded her.

When Hisagi had checked in on Mara the next afternoon after their session with the guitar, Kira had immediately said that she needed something to entertain her because she had been peppering the studious shinigami with questions and explanations all morning. Hisagi had looked to Mara who wore an apologetic face but kept fingering her medical tattoo. That was when he decided that she needed to learn how to read, at least the basics. How was she to function outside this room if she couldn't even read the signs for the shops, eateries, and locations around her?

So, every day, Hisagi had brought her materials and sat to teach her. He had been pleased with how vigorously she had thrown herself into the study and he admired how quickly she learned. Already she had moved from children's primers to basic literature and poems. She was like a sponge, absorbing not only the lessons but the content. She also engaged Hisagi's mind as well with thoughtful questions about Soul Society and the various positions and roles, trying to understand this new world around her.

Honestly, he had been surprised by how much had just enjoyed being around the girl. Hisagi was aware that he needed to win Mara over, but he didn't think it would actually be enjoyable. He found her wit impulsive and irresistible, dragging smiles from him unbidden. Her intellect impressed him and intrigued him. In her withdrawn moments he wanted nothing more than to comfort her even as her introspection resonated with his own nature.

Hisagi couldn't fight the smile that grew across his face as he approached Mara's room, but it was stricken away as a teal haired figure emerged from the shadows.

"Cap," Grimmjow drawled, irritation skirting the edge of his tone, "what the hell are you doing?"

Rolling his eyes, Hisagi didn't break his stride as he replied, "What do you think I am doing? I'm going to check on Mara."

"No," Grimmjow drew the word out into a long, leading sound of annoyance. "I mean what the fucking hell do you think that you are doing?"

Hisagi paused his steps and glared over his shoulder at the espada, who leaned against the wall behind him with a feigned ease. "I am going to Mara, as I have been everyday. You said I had to build a relationship with her," he answered lowly, setting off again.

Using sonido, Grimmjow appeared in front of Hisagi in a flash, stopping him in his tracks. "I did no such thing, Cap!" he said with near disgust, "I said woo her. Make her like you, fuck her, get her attached, and call it a day. You are the one choosing to play like this is something real."

"What the hell kind of woman would go for that? You are a pig."

"Roughly half the women in the 13 squads, if my math is right," Grimmjow said with a smirk.

Hisagi rolled his eyes again in a now practiced motion. He couldn't argue that Grimmjow never seemed to be short of bed partners. It consistently amazed him how many women seemed to flock to the dangerous creature that he called a Combat Instructor, all leaving on an early morning walk of shame in various stages of tousled and dress as they scurried back. As a matter of fact, he didn't remember ever seeing the same face twice. But those women weren't Mara. That wouldn't work on her, he was sure. "That's not who she is," he stated with certainty, "She would see through your version of romance in a heartbeat. Besides, I am betrothed to her. What is wrong with trying to establish a relationship with someone whom I am going to be spending a long life with?"

Grimmjow's eyes narrowed at the captain. Hisagi's attentions on the girl worried him. He needed Hisagi to win her over so that she stayed, sure, but she couldn't be reliant on him. She had to be able to withdraw from him for Grimmjow to win her over, without her heart and weak feelings like regret or betrayal to get in the way. "Tall me, Cap," he said slowly, "does your astute little fiancée know about her position yet?"

Face set in stone, Hisagi remained silent, giving Grimmjow all the answer he needed.

"I thought so. You aren't doing this to be easier on her, you are trying to make this easier on you," he said with a disconcerting smile. "You just hide her in that room thinking you can keep her liking you? You want her to what- fucking love you?"

Hisagi didn't move, didn't even twitch as he glared at the espada with an unreadable look.

Grimmjow knew he had to tread carefully. He had to think like the person he hated even more than the science division captain. _What would Aizen do?_ Grimmjow asked himself ironically. He let out a slow exhale, looking up at the ceiling, hands shoved in his pockets before he moved to look back at Hisagi, who gripped the scroll tight; all happiness gone from his features.

"Look," Grimmjow said with a low voice, an unfamiliar seriousness laid over his face, "I don't blame you for wanting something with her. She's hot, she's oddly perceptive, all that shit. But this will only blow up more the longer it goes. Unless you keep her locked in that room, she will figure it out. You cant expect every dumb fuck in this squad to keep their trap shut and she will catch on if she is never allowed out. Has she had another rietsu flare yet?"

Hiagi was caught off guard by the concern in Grimmjow's voice, so much so that he couldn't help but answer with an honest "No."

"Good… but she will. At some point she will, and all of Seireitei will hone in on it. It doesn't matter if you keep her in that room if they beat the door down," Grimmjow said earnestly, at least knowing that was the truth. "I get that she makes you happy, Cap, but that's not what this is about remember? You don't need her love, you need her trust. She needs to know she can trust us to keep her safe when whatever is holding back her spirit finally breaks under the pressure."

Finally lowering his head and looking to the side, Hisagi nodded in agreement.

"If her rietsu blows up, though, whats to stop them?" Grimmjow said, not letting up, "I get that you are Mr. Law-and-order, but those fuckers aren't. If you say 'By the way, they want to eat you alive and we are getting married' and she flips- because she will flip the fuck out- what will stop them? You have to make her trust you so that she turns to you."

"You can't just make someone trust you, Grimmjow," Hisagi said impatiently, "You have to build it, earn it… that takes time and care." _And that's if I can even do it, _Hisagi added mentally. What if she hated him if he revealed everything? What if she chose to rebuke his protection? What if she agreed but just hated him for so many long years that it changed her? What if-?

"Stop."

Hisagi glanced back up from his mental spiral to see teal eyes only a foot from his as Grimmjow leaned forward with a knowing look. A surprisingly astute glint was in those bright aqua eyes.

"Stop overthinking. And stop letting that fear you hold like a flag of pride ruin the future," Grimmjow growled out, "It doesn't take time or love or any of that shit. You help someone, you give them choices and a chance, and you will instantly get trust. It worked on me, Cap."

At Hisagi's questioning look, Grimmjow turned his back on the captain and took a couple steps away toward Mara's room. He didn't look at Hisagi, but his voice lost none of it's brevity as he continued, "When you came in that cell, I thought you were there to kill me. When you pulled me out of that cell and brought me to the light, I knew I would kill anyone that tried to touch you. And if all the squads and captains in this godforsaken place stormed those gates to get to her, I would take on every single fucking one of them to protect you. Because you gave me a choice. You helped me. Didn't take time, and I sure as shit don't love you, but I'd have your back and know you would have mine. You marched in with no fear and got trust in return. Don't be a coward, Hisagi."

Hisagi shook his head, disbelief in what he had just heard. But here Grimmjow still stood, back to him and ramrod straight, as if he had to brace himself to make that confession. "What if she doesn't want to leave though? She has made no motion or request to get out of the room," Hisagi mused, "What if she doesn't like her choices?"

"Then we fucking ask her and find out!" Grimmjow replied, revealing his trademark grin over his shoulder. He was quite proud of himself for winning this little battle without the captain knowing any better.

"OI!" Hisagi yelled after the espada as Grimmjow sonido'd to Mara's room and he flash stepped to catch up.

Mara sat on the bed looking out the window when her door crashed open, jolting her from her reverie. She had been expecting Shuuhei and so couldn't help her small yelp as she turned to see her door frame filled by Grimmjow's muscular frame. Her eyes widened as she fought the fear that hit her deep in her gut every time she saw him. She minutely edged herself up against the head of the bed and drew the sheet more tightly around her.

"Woman," he said in a disconcerting purr, that would be sexy if it weren't coming from him, "do you want to build a snowman?"

"What?!" she squeaked.

"Ugh, what good is all my pop culture knowledge if no one knows it?" Grimmjow sighed to himself over dramatically. Mara couldn't help but smile at his display. "I'm asking if you want to go outside, dumb ass."

"With you?" Mara asked incredulously, eyebrows raising high in shock.

Grimmjow leaned forward over her bed, smiling with sharp incisors on display. "Why not? Am I that terrible?" He asked teasing her, but happy to see that her eyes had narrowed and she had stopped shrinking back from him.

"Yes," she said in unison with Hisagi, who appeared in the doorway, hair disheveled from the chase.

Mara turned a wide, smile to the door and Hisagi smiled back so widely that his eyes crinkled in the corners. He approached the bed and handed her the new scroll as he bent to run his fingers gently through the front of her hair. Neither noticed how Grimmjow had gone silent.

As a matter of fact, it took everything that Grimmjow had to keep his jaw from hanging open. When Hisagi walked in the room, it was like the girl had transformed. That smile… that joy was like a breath of fresh spring air. It was warm like the nights in Las Noches. That smile wasn't even towards him and it still felt like home. What would it be like to be greeted like that every day? No wonder Hisagi was sunk… and if his plans went right, he may be too. "Fuck," Grimmjow growled out loud, drawing both sets of eyes to him.

"What?" Hisagi growled at him.

Mara looked questioningly at the man at the foot of the bed. His muscles were tense, but his face showed confusion and… was that sadness? Grimmjow quickly schooled his features back into his grin, but Mara still studied his face. She had seen something different in that look just now. Something that made the monster a lot more human and a lot less scary.

"What? I just realized you are gonna make me sit through a damn school lesson before we can let Rapunzel out of her tower," Grimmjow said with a smirk, rolling his eyes at the blank stares he received back. "You guys suck."

"I'm sure you can wait for a bit of reading, kitty, then we can go outside," Mara said jovially, for some reason wanting to ease the lingering sadness she had seen in Grimmjow.

He threw her a sharp look instead. "Don't call me that," he said grumpily.

Throwing up her hands in submission, Mara turned back to Hisagi. "Okay, okay," Mara conceded, "So, what are we reading today, Shuuhei?"

"Not reading," Hisagi said smiling down at her, grabbing an ink pot, brush and loose sheets from where Kira had been working that morning. "Writing."

Mara didn't know why, but the thought made her antsy. She couldn't write Japanese characters. She didn't know how she knew she couldn't but she knew that she couldn't.

Seeing her unsure look, Hisagi, set up the writing equipment in front of her. "Look," he said gently, this is just the basics. You know enough reading to handle whatever you need to that isn't legalese. This is just so you know the basics. Nothing hard. It doesn't have to be perfect."

Mara just nodded and picked up the brush, heaving out a sigh as she began to copy the characters from the scroll. Hisagi leaned over her giving tips as to when to vary the pressure of the brush to form the individual lines correctly. They worked in quiet murmurs like that for a little while while Grimmjow stood looking out the window toward the practice arena.

"Are we done yet?" He finally asked impatiently, bending over and snatching the paper from the make-shift writing desk over Mara's lap.

"Hey!" she squeaked, reaching for the paper as Hisagi turned an annoyed look Grimmjow's way.

Ignoring both of them, Grimmjow turned a critical eye on the writing practice in his hand. He grunted as he worked his way over the legible but sloppy strokes.

Mara crossed her arms across her chest and glared at Grimmjow silhouetted in the light. "Does the king have a comment he would like to share?" she asked with more snark than she intended. She was grumpy and defensive because she was trying desperately distract herself from the way the sunlight and shadows cast Grimmjow's exposed abs in painful relief. His moment of exposure had maybe opened her eyes to him too much.

Grimmjow cocked an eyebrow at her belligerent tone and tossed the sheet back in her direction where Hisagi caught it deftly in the air. "Looks like an 8-year-old wrote it," he said dismissively, glaring at Mara and waiting for a comeback.

He watched in shock, however as Mara's eyes glazed over, her hands slowly reaching for her throat. Her mouth moved but no sound came out as her face twisted in pain.

"Do you have to be such an ass?" Hisagi said angrily, stepping toward Grimmjow who cut him off with a look.

"Do you feel it?" he asked quietly.

Hisagi froze and reached out with his senses, surprised to feel small flicks of rietsu at the edge of his consciousness. It was fresh and made him think of wading in the ocean. The rietsu seemed to puddle and pool around his ankles, hitting with gentle waves.

He followed Grimmjow's wide-eyed stare to see Mara in bed writhing. Her eyes were rolling back in her head as her hands weakly clawed at her throat. Was she breathing? What was happening?

**_She couldn't seem to fight the reflex to reach to her face and release herself from the apparatus that was strangling her. _****_She couldn't breathe. Why couldn't she breathe? There was something in her throat._**

**_Mara tried to cast desperate eyes at the tall man in a white coat next to her. Kind, blue eyes looked down at her from behind wire rimmed glasses. What was happening?_**

Hisagi began to shake Mara's shoulders, calling her name even as her rietsu rose to firmer waves hitting his knees in its sea-like swell. Grimmjow leapt from the foot of the bed to join him on the other side at the head.

"Grab her hands and hold them down!" he ordered Hisagi in a tone that brooked no argument, "I can't tell if she's breathing with her moving that much!"

Hisagi didn't hesitate, yanking both of Mara's hands down to her side and pinning her wrists in place. Grimmjow leaned with hands on her shoulders, holding her to lean over her mouth, trying to detect breath. She felt so fragile, so small, under his hands. Grimmjow would have marveled at the feeling of touching her, combined with that smile earlier but those thoughts had to take a back burner as he realized she wasn't breathing.

**_"I apologize for the restraints," the doctors voice came to her. She tried to move her arms but they were held fast. "You know how you are with your enemy the ventilator."_**

**_The ventilator. That's right. The hospital. The ventilator. She was sick. But she had questions, so many questions to ask but she couldn't talk, couldn't breathe. What were the questions? Dammit! She had to know… she needed to know….?_**

"She's not breathing?" Hisagi yelled at Grimmjow, "We don't have time to get the healers!"

Grimmjow's mouth tensed into a firm line and he looked at Hisagi, "I might... I think I remember that human thing. Where you breathe for someone…"

Hisagi remembered as Grimmjow did but he knew the espada has outlived him by hundreds of years and would have greater knowledge. He swallowed the bile in his throat at what he knew he would have to see in favor of saving her life. "Do it," he said eyes and tone hard.

Grimmjow nodded and lowered his head, covering Mara's warm lips with his own.

**_She.. she could breathe. She remembered the ventilator, you had to let it breathe for you. She realized now, she was in a memory._**

**_She had questions. She needed to write it down!_**

**_"Your language skills may have improved but you and I both know that your characters are on par with an 8-year-old when you can see what you are doing. You want to try to write characters that I can read when you can't even see the sheet… again?" the doctor asked but he handed her a pad and paper from his pocket._**

**_She had to know what was going on._**

Grimmjow tried to focus on nothing but breathing for Mara. He tried not notice how soft her lips and skin were. He tried not to notice the bumps the skin of her chest under her high collared robe or what they were as his hand laid on her chest to feel for the rise and fall of the breathing and her fluttering heartbeat. He tried not to get distracted as her body stilled into calmness. In and out. In and out had to be the focus.

Hisagi tried not to notice the fluttering of jealousy in his chest as he watched the espada locked to Mara. It wasn't about him. It wasn't about feelings. This was about keeping Mara alive

He did notice that she had stopped pulling at his grasp on her, settling down. "What's happening?" he asked breathlessly.

"Dunno," Grimmjow said, taking a few deep breaths, leaving his hand on her chest, "She's still not breathing on her own." Grimmjow lowered his mouth back to Mara's, breathing out into her lungs and using his hand to expel the air back out before breathing into her again. In, out, in, out.

Hisagi felt movement against his hand again and looked down to see Mara's hand moving like she was… writing! Loosening his hold, he slid a fresh sheet under her hand and dipped the brush, placing it in her hold. To his amazement, Mara began writing in a language that he couldn't read.

**_Mara scratched out another word on the paper, desperate for answers. Where was she? Who was he? But her hand seemed to move of its own free will._**

**_"Yes, you were involved in an incident at your usual café. You were injured and came here," the doctor said slowly, hesitantly, suspiciously._**

**_No! Mara screamed in her head. I don't care about a café! Wait—café. Her mind reeled as memories assaulted her in layers. Pictures of monsters with holes through their chests. Diving for a child. Mara's hand moved again unbidden. She focused her attention on the movement as she scratched out [Child?]_**

"What are you doing?!" Grimmjow roared at Hisagi, who had frozen and was looking at Mara's writing as it formed on the paper.

"She… I think she is remembering something," he answered slowly. "Her rietsu keeps rising and I think it is because the key to it is locked in her memory. But I can't read what she wrote. You've spent more time among the living, Grimmjow, maybe you can."

"You want me to fucking read right now or save her goddam life?" Grimmjow asked, catching his breath from his last round but carefully monitoring her chest still with his broad hand on her chest.

Hisagi turned tortured eyes to the espada. "I don't know what else to do right now but to try to solve this for her. Maybe if we can just keep her breathing through the memories, we can all get some answers."

Mara's body stiffened and Grimmjow brought his other hand up to cradle Mara's head up from the pillow. He gave a curt nod to Hisagi, understanding his distraction and feelings of helplessness as he focused back on the delicate face staring unseeing back at him. He lowered his mouth to hers once more. He breathed as deeply and evenly as possible, the new position feeling more intimate and making him feel protective. His muscles strained against every impulse he had to lock her to him and not let go. He didn't know where this feeling came from but he tried again to focus on nothing but breathing. In, out, in, out.

**_The doctor wouldn't shut up. Great. It was great to know she had saved a child, but something was missing. There was something else she needed to know. Her hand began moving again and she trusted it to give her answers. What was it that she needed to know. She scratched out letters [R-e-n] and suddenly the scene shifted._**

**_Piercing eyes looked at her with doubt, with fear… with hope before her vision was clouded in a blur as those eyes closed and lips pressed hungrily against hers. Large strong hands gripped her body and she traced the lips against hers with her tongue before nibbled against his bottom lip. _**

**_His tongue delved in her mouth, body pressing hard against hers, like he was driven by something wild that had just been let loose. He smelled of heaven and cinnamon but he tasted… he tasted of hot summer breeze and darkness._**

**_Something registered in Mara's mind that this wasn't right. But wasn't it? This taste was wrong, but it was so right. She stifled a moan at the heat crashing through her body to settle between her legs. This mouth was so hungry; as desperate as the other mouth had been. But this one seemed to both devour her and cling to her like a life raft in the middle of a midnight sea all at once. It was both terrifying and fucking beautiful._**

Grimmjow's eyes widened as he felt the change in Mara. She drew a breath through him, but what robbed him of air was the feel of her small pink tongue tracing over the edge of his top lip.

The brush fell from her hand and Hisagi jumped up. "I feel Kira!" he announced, hoping his trusted friend would know something to do having spent time in the healing division. "I'm going to get him, I trust you have this," Hisagi said, flash stepping from the room with out looking over at the wide eyed espada, taking his silence as assent.

_Just get her through the memory, _Grimmjow thought to himself, trying to clear his head as Mara's mouth worked slowly and sensuously against his own. He should pull away. He should. He didn't. Instead, Mara's arms came up to wrap around his neck and she let out a small, sexy mewl against his lips. Grimmjow pressed tightly against her, pulling her flush against him as he cradled her.

God, she tasted like warmth and sunshine and fresh sea air. He could breathe fully and feel everything lifting from his shoulders as she wove her fingers through his hair, scratching his scalp and the back of his neck in a playfully harsh grip. She moaned more deeply as she opened her mouth to him and he greedily took all she put on offer. He moved his free arm from her chest to wrap around her small body, pulling her to him completely, supporting her feather-light weight as he stood up with her clinging to him wantonly.

He tried to center himself. He really did. But she fit against him like a glove and every instinct in him wanted to claim her and keep her. Her rietsu itself seemed to be pulling her to him. It licked up his legs and over his back, leaving goosebumps where it touched. The waves of it seemed to pull him in.

He pulled away from her as he felt her stiffen against him but could not let her go. Her face had become a mask of terror, lips open in a silent scream as she gasped and panted. Grimmjow simply held her tighter and hoped this passed quickly. Either way, he wasn't letting her go.

**_Sharp canines nipped at her lip as her head spun, scene changing again to those dark piecing eyes. This time filled with worry and regret and pain. Deep red blood mixed with hair to plaster a macabre mask on one side of the eyes in front of her and form a shroud blood around them. From the corner of her eye, Mara could see an approaching aura of black and green and death._**

**_Its coming._**

Grimmjow just held Mara through the empty sobs that wracked her small body against his. He brought a large hand up to cradle her face, rubbing his thumb in soothing circles against her cheek.

**_A large, bloody hand reached up to cradle her jaw tenderly. A deep voice rumbled though she couldn't seem to hear it over her own harsh breaths. Mara knew she needed to pay attention. She tried to focus on the words being spoken even as she wanted to scream._**

**_"Lock your vault, don't let anything in… promise me!"_**

**_Mara felt herself nod as she screamed internally about what vault he could mean. What vault? Who are you? She begged in her mind but knew that the bearer of the sad piercing eyes couldn't here her thoughts._**

_Just get her through the memory, just get her through the memory… _Grimmjow chanted to himself in refrain, trying to ignore how Mara's tortured look tore at him. He wiped another silent tear away, not flinching a millimeter as her nails dug into his arm as if holding onto him for life itself. He knew that if it had been anyone but him standing here to hold her that her grip would have drawn blood.

"Shh," he cooed to her, rocking her gently. He was alarmed at how this was making her power rise. The guiding waves had become a tsunami that would have drowned a lesser man. The soft sea of her power was a raging tempest, spilling out everywhere. This would attract attention… but Grimmjow closed his eyes and braced against the power that slapped against him.

Let them come.

**_Mara gasped in fright as a sword raised in front of her eyes. What was going on. His grip spoke love, so why was he raising a sword at her? 'What are you doing?!' she wanted to scream, but she couldn't change the past, just watch it. Her pounding heart and sound of destruction headed towards them tried to drown the words out though she tried to focus._**

**_"If you remember nothing else, remember that you are loved."_**

**_Mara's eyes bored into the piercing ones looking at her. Loved? I'm loved… by you?_**

**_So engrossed in trying to memorize the eyes in front of her, Mara was caught off guard as he leaned forward to kiss her on her forehead before quickly swinging his sword toward her._**

"BANKAI!" Mara screamed, jolting back to the waking world.

She didn't expect to be cradled, warm and secure in a set of strong arms. She definitely didn't expect the bright teal eyes staring back at her, or for them to contain so much worry and care. "Grimmjow?" she whispered, choking on her emotion.

Making no move to put her down, Grimmjow simply pulled her to his chest, and rumbled out a purr that seemed to calm the shaking woman. "I've got you, woman," he rumbled lowly, continuing his steady purr as Mara broke down in tears, clinging to him.

Hisagi rounded the corner with Kira on his heels but stopped dead in his tracks as he saw Grimmjow holding a crying Mara against him. The intimacy of the embrace was only heightened by how gently Grimmjow cradled her and how peaceful the espada looked. He allowed his eyes to see where she had gripped his jacket in small fists. Hisagi met Grimmjow's eyes, face like stone. The jealousy reared it's head with the fear this time. She would reject him. This would never work.

Grimmjow didn't let out a flicker of emotion as he met Hisagi's gaze. He had a feeling he would pay for this and lose access to all hope if he didn't act against his every instinct right the fuck now. Grimmjow's own mind screamed at him as he lowered Mara to her feet. He felt his breathing nearly stop as he turned her around and pointed to Hisagi who was stepping towards her.

But when she saw Hisagi and smiled, ran to him for comfort. When she sweetly whispered "Shuuhei?" with a crack in her voice. When Hisagi picked her up bridal style and swung her to lean supported against his chest. When her small hand reached out to cradle Hisagi's jaw before she grabbed him tight, crying starting anew against Hisagi's broad chest… Grimmjow felt nothing but pain. Pain like he hadn't known since he was locked under 12. Instead of an arm being removed or skin peeled off, this time it was what little bit of a heart he may have had left. He could feel it drop through his stomach to shatter on the floor.

Grimmjow set his face in stone as he waited for Kira to leave after checking on Mara. _This is better, _he thought to himself, _emotions are for the weak. Break it now or it will only fuck you up later._

As Hisagi lowered her back into the bed again he finally looked at Grimmjow, face falling. He knew what was coming. Grimmjow didn't even look at the bed as he addressed Hisagi, "Half of Seireitei will have felt that."

"I know," Hisagi said, but he made no move.

"Cap," he drawled, eyes down. He couldn't look at her as he continued, "She has to know. You have to tell her."

"Tell me what?" Mara asked, running her fingers over her tingling lips, trying to figure something out as she half listened to the men's talk.

"Mara…" Hisagi began haltingly, "I- um... so, you know how you're under my protection. Well, the way…." Cutting himself off from his own sentence Hisagi turned to pace the room.

Grimmjow rolled his eyes and leaned his hands on the edge of the bed, fists clenched. He let a growl low in his chest, stopping Hisagi in his tracks as the shinigami glared at him. He clenched his teeth together to keep from shouting at the man who had seemed so strong but was showing himself as coward to this girl who had seemed so weak but had proved herself something that he could…

Grimmjow's eyes shot open as he felt a cool hand cover his tense fist. His eyes rose just in time to be sucked into the black and amber depths of Mara's own; he swore could she straight to his soul. She looked at him carefully, as if studying him for the first time as she licked her lips unconsciously. Grimmjow couldn't help that his gaze was drawn to her mouth. Could she still taste him? Did she even know it was him?

"Thank you," Mara said quietly in barely a whisper.

"You don't-" Grimmjow began but Mara cut him off.

"Yeah, I do," She said earnestly. Mara's face tensed up as she looked like she was searching for the right words for something, her finger grazing over her swollen lips again.

She got no chance to say more as Hisagi sat heavily in the chair next to the bed and Grimmjow sat up to lean against the windowsill. "Mara, I don't know how to say it but to say it," Hisagi told her, "There was a price for your protection, and while I would be happy to pay it, you may not be, and you deserve a choice."

Mara cast a curious and confused look between the two men, neither of whom would look at her. "And?" she coaxed gently.

"And," Hisagi continued, "unless you choose otherwise, the only way I had to protect you was to betroth you. We are, as far as Soul Society is concerned, engaged to be married."

Mara could do nothing more than stare stupidly at the handsome captain that had brought her so much comfort. One hour ago. Just one fucking hour before and she may have been okay with this. Hell, she may have been happy. But five minutes ago she was told in her memories about someone who loved her and swung a sword at her and now, she had to agree to marry Shuuhei when all she knew was that the amazing taste in her mouth and warm tingle in her stomach were from… Grimmjow.

Mara looked between Grimmjow's serene face, that did nothing to mask the pain in his eyes, to Hisagi's pained visage that couldn't quite cover up his hope.

"Mara," Hisagi whispered in a soft plead.

"Before I even try to figure this day out," she whispered, "I need some food. I don't know why, but for the first time since coming here, I'm starving."

Both men nodded and left the room to get the exhausted girl some food, leaving Mara alone with her tangled thoughts.


	23. Chap 22: Smile, the Worst is Yet to Come

(A/N) Sorry, late, but slit my finger open, had to triage it for a couple days because I am NOT going to a medical place right now, and had to arrange for an additional 30 days of quarantine. Insanity rules the world. I'll work on it.

Soundtrack for the chapter is Family Band- Night Song followed by Mikki Echo- Smile

**Chapter 22**

He didn't know what had woken him up. He felt like he had been just floating in the dark for years, decades even. Everything hurt. At least when he had been surrounded by the comforting darkness, he hadn't hurt like this. Not that the abyss had been empty, quite the opposite in fact. He had been able to see her in his mind's eye, his Ippin. He could hear her laugh and see the smile that dimpled on one side. He could feel her warm press against him and her whisper of "Aisare shi-sha"- beloved.

But even in the void, even in his mind where he still felt that he could protect her, he was unable to stop her whispered words from turning into a desperate scream as he had pushed her alone through that senkaimon. The amber in her eyes had risen to a frightened glow. Her blue hair had billowed as if struck by the very waves they resembled. Her hands had reached for him, outstretched and begging.

He had wanted nothing more than to jump through with her and make sure that she landed in his arms on the other side, but he had had to protect the gate. Protect her.

Memories invaded as he remembered having to turn his back on the most precious thing in his long life to keep Ulquiorra from following her. She was protected in that guarded way, but he couldn't let the espada in. Ulquiorra came fast- fuck, he was fast- and hit like a freight train. He had hailed Zabimaru in bankai just in time to block fatal blows that were hit against him. Rukia was still barely pulling herself up as they clashed, emitting explosions that shook the very foundations of the earth. He remembered vaguely hearing buildings rumble and sirens going off as the effect of their battle was felt all over Karakura Town.

He didn't care about the crumbling buildings around them, he didn't notice the blood in his eyes, he didn't even feel the hits when they landed. All he could think about was keeping his back to the gate. He couldn't let him in. If Mara could just keep her power sealed, if none got out…

_Ippin! I feel you…_

Renji bolted up right with a start, eyes flying open to scan his surroundings. At least, that's he tried to do. No sooner had he jolted upright did he fall back to the bed with a groan. He noticed vaguely that he couldn't open one eye, but that realization was secondary to the pain in his core. Gritting his teeth, Renji raised up on one bandaged elbow and took in his surroundings as best he could.

He could tell it was daytime, although curtains had been lowered to dim the room, casting his surrounding in shadow. He recognized the room anyways. He had spent enough time there over the course of his career to know the appearance of the 6th squad barracks infirmary. He could see Zabimaru on a rest beside him, whole again. He noticed, as he began to reach for his sword, that even his arms were bandaged all the way down to over his hands.

"You are not supposed to be trying to move, Lieutenant Abarai," a deep voice said from across the room.

Renji stilled but let out only a grunt in response. _Byakuya- why are you here?_

"Captain Unohana said she doubted you would wake this week, or even next. Something seems to have stirred you early," Byakuya said, his affected tone not hiding the leading question in his voice.

Taking a deep breath, Renji carefully built his mask up. It wasn't that he completely distrusted Byakuya. They had worked together so long and knew that the captain would often deliberately arrange things so as to allow him to do what was right in the gray areas of the law. However, Byakuya exercised stringent control over everything in his life, including his subordinates. He had hollowed himself out so much in an attempt to carve out his own pain that it left him numb to the feelings of others. However, mostly, Renji wanted to protect his Ippin. Her vault, as she had labelled it, would only work for so long, and he knew that Soul Society would have something to say about it when she could no longer hide her secret. And Byakuya's response would always be in accordance with Soul Society.

Renji turned an expression back on Byakuya that was as devoid of emotion as his own. His bandaged head covering one eye did nothing to alleviate the weight he carried in his gaze now. His powerful presence was not lessened as he lay prostrate again on the bed. Byakuya feared he may have trained him too well when Renji answered, "It was most likely because you were skulking around my room…. Captain."

"I don't skulk," Byakuya replied in admonishment, "and you wouldn't have sensed me if I had. You may have improved, Lieutenant Abarai, but you still cannot match me."

Renji remained silent as he stared at the man who had been a paragon, a goal, for most of his lifetime. Byakuya could tell the silence wasn't in acquiescence to his statement, though. Renji simply wasn't dignifying him with a response.

"I believe what woke you is this new spiritual presence that we all feel, and currently it is still growing…" Byakuya said, striding purposefully toward the bed, hoping to see a shred of the old Renji that could confirm some of his thoughts. "Do you recognize it? It almost feels like the Whole you sent crashing into my garden… but she was powerless, yes? Barely a flutter over any soul wandering the Rukongai."

_Good girl. Didn't open for anything… why are you opening now?_

"Hm," Renji muttered thoughtfully, detesting the game of cat and mouse that seemed to always be at play amongst the ranked shinigami, "How long has this strange presence been going on then?

Perturbed by the lack of opening, Byakuya replied, "10 minutes- this time."

The bandage aided Renji in keeping his eyebrows from raising in question. "There have been other times then?"

"Only one, about 6 days ago, but it was very brief."

_SIX DAYS! Then how long have I been out? She has got to be freaking out. I'm so sorry, Ippin!_

Renji could feel his expression start to slip as he pictured Mara, scared an alone while he had been wasting away in a room so near, so he covered the worry with an expression of curiosity. "Six days? Then how long have I been in care?"

Byakuya's eyes narrowed as he tried to see what Renji was thinking before responding slowly, "Eight days, the first 4 of which were spent inside Captain Unohana's Minazuki."

Renji nodded slowly, having successfully schooled his features again. "Didn't realize I was in that bad of shape, damn Gentei Kaijo," he grumbled as he fought to adjust his position.

Realizing, he was getting nowhere in his leading questions, Byakuya changed tracks. "Indeed," he seemingly pondered out loud, "you are quite hurt. You have only been gone few short years, Lieutenant Abarai, surely you haven't lost all your skill. What did you face that could cause such injuries? Why would you need a Gentei Kaijo?"

"Espada," Renji replied tonelessly.

"Tch," Byakuya sniffed with disdain, "That should not have been a challenge now. All of the espada that Aizen created with the Hogyoku are gone." _Almost all, _Byakuya added mentally, a certain, unwelcome, blue-haired visitor popping into his mind but he did not mention that remaining espada at this time.

Renji narrowed his eyes at his captain. "I know Ulquiorra when I see him," he spat out in defiance, "Your sister was there to fight, too, ask her."

Byakuya couldn't help the shock that flashed across his face, rewarding Renji with the knowledge that Byakuya broke first in that small, undeclared battle of wills. "But…"

"That was my reaction at first as well, Captain," Renji stated lowly, taking pity on Byakuya and the underhanded shock that he had just given him, "but there was no mistaking. Don't worry, Rukia is fine. Inoue took over her healing… but she isn't coming back anytime soon, I don't believe."

Byakuya gave look filled with false disdain, as if he didn't care and this boring news wasn't enough to warrant his attention. But he did care. They both knew it.

"So," Byakuya led in, "You tossed a powerless Whole down my personal gate, opening it during a battle with a supposedly dead espada- putting Seireitei at risk, I might add- while fighting side my side with my estranged sister whom you can't stand. Seeing as how you have not mentioned it, I am assuming that said espada is still alive, and both you and Rukia survived this encounter, but you were badly injured enough to need to come through my gate for help."

"Yes," Renji said nonchalantly, closing his eyes to more closely feel the fluctuations of Mara's rietsu. He could practically feel Byakuya's right eye twitch with annoyance.

"And Ulquiorra Cifer just left?" Byakuya fought the growl in his voice.

Renji's visage didn't falter as he replayed the final moments of the battle in his head.

.

_Rukia was down in a fresh pool of blood. Much to Renji's surprise she had also called on bankai, forming a vision of white. It would have taken his breath away, the power and the purity, if he hadn't had moving death attacking so close at hand. Blood showed up so well on white, however, and now she looked like the sick renderings of killer had taken on physical form._

_Renji launched another attack, but he couldn't pull from his drained power anymore and it appeared there was no one even listening to his petition for a gentei kaijo. He was running on empty when he hadn't even started on full. He glanced quickly at the gate behind him. It was still there, still vulnerable. He swore if it was his last act, he would hurl his own dead body through that gate to close it so that she could be safe. _

_It appeared that death was imminent and approaching swiftly. Ulquiorra moved like lightening as he dove under Renji's feeble strike, breaking the bone shards of Zabimaru with but a flick of his wrist. Renji stepped back, lining himself up with the entrance of the senkaimon as he braced for the surely fatal blow. He didn't want to leave the real world to this monster, so he had held off. He had fought with everything he had, but he just couldn't do it, especially not when Soul Society hog tied his powers. He could do no more, and so waited with a cold and fearless look for death to make his last act worthwhile._

_But the blow never came._

_A shield of amber light had formed between the dueling men, as big as a building, as a gentle voice whispered "Shoten Kesshun, I reject." Inoue Orihime had calmly walked into the destruction like an angel, hair floating on the streams of power that lingered in the air._

_Ulquiorra had frozen his strike before hitting the shield, almost comically recoiling from his own momentum to stand on his side of the barrier. His dead eyes watched the woman approach, unreadable. Renji leaned, hands on his knees as he fought to stay conscious, blearily taking in Orihime's approaching figured coming onto his side of the shield, facing Ulquiorra._

_She said nothing, just staring at the espada until he lowered his eyes in acquiescence. Renji watched in shock as he placed his hand against the barrier, raising tortured eyes up to the auburn-haired woman in front of him._

_Slowly, Orihime raised her hand to lay against his on the other side. "All I asked you for was no more killing. You promised, when I gave you that heart… that piece of my own," she said in just above a whisper, "You promised."_

_"They are not dead, Woman," Ulquiorra replied lowly, "but I cannot stop what will be coming. I can make no more promises."_

_Renji watched as Orihime didn't move a muscle except to move her fingers through her own barrier to intertwine with the hollow's. Ulquiorra gasped, but his eyes fluttered closed as his face took on an expression that Renji had never seen before. Contentment. Completeness._

_He slowly opened his eyes and looked at Orihime with a sadness that made Renji's heart clench and his breath come in racked sobs. Reaching up, Ulquiorra turned his head away as he plucked out his own eye and crushed it within his fist. He did not look back as he disentangled his hand and snapped to summon a garganta. "I make no promises, but they will not see you through me."_

_Ulquiorra didn't look back as he stepped through the garganta, nor as it shut behind him, but Renji knew he heard the whisper. "Goodbye, my Heart". _

_Renji turned confused eyes to Orihime as she watched the garganta close. He noticed a single thin tear track down the middle of her cheek, an echo of the espada whom she had just defeated with a look, as she dropped her shield and turned back to him. "We need to heal you," she said decisively._

_"No," Renji said with a guttural groan, "Heal Rukia, she is worse. I have to go after Mara."_

_"But Renji-kun," Orihime tried to argue, but Renji cut her off as he turned and held on to the senkaimon gate._

_Renji looked hard at Orihime. "Save Rukia. I have to go."_

_Swallowing her emotion, even the worry in her eyes, Orihime nodded at Renji. He nodded back as he pushed off the gate and fell through the tunnel there, carried by the Hell's Butterfly. He knew she understood. He wouldn't tell a soul._

.

"Yup," Renji replied dryly, "He just left."

Byakuya didn't believe a damn word of it. Even if the espada had left, why battle for nothing? Arrancar didn't come to the real world without a significant draw. And why send the girl through the senkaimon when she wasn't under any threat at that spiritual level from an Espada? "His leaving had nothing to do with girl you sent through the gate? Or with the spiritual pressure that we are now feeling? This didn't start until she arrived and you came back."

Renji didn't reply, instead still just feeling as the tugging insistent waves of Mara's rietsu sent chills through his blood and left goosebumbs on his skin.

"You seem rather unconcerned about the growing spiritual presence here, Lieutenant Abarai, when it seems as if it may be connected to the girl you sent through my gate," Byakuya said lowly. If you hadn't known him as well as Renji, you may say he sounded tired, but Renji could tell when frustration was beginning to form around his clipped words.

Renji looked back at his captain, emoting a look of confusion. "It seems like the possible association to Mara would be an easy one to answer. I assume since she landed in your garden and became your responsibility, that you are caring for her. Ask her," Renji said simply.

"I can't," Byakuya grumbled, nearly petulant, "She is under Captain Hisagi's protection."

Renji's sharp gaze flew over to the brooding captain in surprise. "What do you mean? Why is she not here? I sent her through YOUR gate," he ground out through gritted teeth, his own rietsu beginning to infinitesimally leak out.

Byakuya stoically noted the rise in his lieutenant, feeling the unknown rietsu rise in violent peaks as well. Were they linked somehow? It donned on him that what Captain Kyoraku had said in the meeting may have been accidentally prophetic. Perhaps Renji's ties to the girl were not just of a soul reaper and a Whole. Perhaps they had nothing to do with her apparent lack of power. Could this new, cold lieutenant have feelings for the girl. It would explain much, and gave Byakuya the opening he had been waiting for.

"Oh yes, you had not arrived yet. Apparently, Captain Hisagi was quite taken with this Mara. He was the only one able to calm her incoherent babbling. He pulled her to his unit to recover after declaring a love at first sight, comparing the girl to… Hisana." Though he stumbled over her name, Byakuya delivered the heart-rending news with all the fervor of delivering a weather report. He watched Renji's face carefully for any change. While his expression was set in stone, the lieutenant's eyes were awash in emotion, quickly flicking through anger, pain, disbelief, horror, sadness, and back again.

"After being told she would need to be questioned, Captain Hisagi declared he would do anything to protect the woman he loved," Byakuya pressed "to point that they are now betrothed."

Byakuya watched as Renji's stoic façade began to shatter. "You cant believe that love occurs like that! You just bowed to the whim of…" Renji's voice began to slip away as he thought of his old friend. Hisagi… Hisagi didn't do anything without reason. Hisagi wouldn't stop to make something right. And Hisagi…

"Believe… I have lived that feeling, Lieutenant Abarai, so I surely could believe that. The question seems to come in the choice of where this love has fallen. Should I not believe Captain Hisagi?" he asked seriously.

Renji felt like he was suspended in a trap designed to break him. Not only did his heart feel in tatters but Byakuya had managed to trap him. Again. He wanted to scream and yell and say that it had to be fake. He wanted to rail against a system that had so easily taken Mara from him. He wanted to shout at the unflappable man in front of him for releasing his precious Ippin to this politicized and uncaring world to be scooped up by the first lackey that wanted to, but he couldn't because he knew Hisagi. He KNEW him.

"Hisagi doesn't lie," he managed to reply in a voice laced with incalculable pain.

The admission broke him.

Byakuya watched with worried eyes as Renji smoothed over the broken features re-assuming his mask. It was impossible to guess his thought with it in place again, and he watched, wondering what this could mean for the future, as the light in Renji's eyes extinguished.

Seemingly in response, Mara's rogue spiritual pressure went eerily silent, leaving Renji utterly alone to his thoughts and his heartbreak.

_What good will finding her do now?_ He emptily questioned himself. _I lost her within minutes. Before the battle was even done. Nothing will ever fucking change will it? Ippin..._

Byakuya rose and silently left the room, leaving Renji to himself. They both knew that Renji would resume his duties, probably in a matter of days. They didn't to say anything more to each other. Things would be so normal, but they never would be normal.

Renji stared with a disconcerting emptiness into the dark of the room. He knew that Hisagi would win her over. How could he not? He couldn't be angry with his friend for loving Mara at. He would have to respect Mara's choice. He would have to let her go and slip into his old role like nothing had changed. But for her to be alive, it was still worth it. He just had to learn to keep his distance and let her live on her own. He knew he destroyed everything he touched, he couldn't bring that to her. He had to stay away.

_But can I? _


	24. Chapter 23: Stand in the Rain

**Chapter 23**

Tilting her head back against the trunk of the tree she leaned against, Mara almost felt at peace. The warm sun filtered through the branches. The wind was scented with the smell of flowers again. There didn't seem to be such a thing as a bad weather day in Seireitei; at least not that she had seen yet. It was always beautiful and pleasant. Disturbingly so.

It didn't seem right that she could be in this gentle, beautiful place and not be at peace but… here she was. Couldn't she get some rain to highlight the loneliness and sadness she felt? Would there never be clashing thunder to echo her anger? No. This place seemed to just promise tranquility while actually delivering none. You had to suffer through the terrors in your heart with no reprieve from the smiling sunshine.

Closing her eyes, Mara knew she had had this feeling before. Of course, she didn't know how she knew this emptiness but the feeling wrapped around her like a worn blanket. You may not want to use it but it is what you know and is always there. She didn't seem to know anything except isolation, even though she had been increasingly surrounded by people. It made her mind reel that a feeling could be so foreign but so damn familiar. Had she spent much time like this before in her old life? Is that why staying in the room was so easy and being out was so hard? Still, loneliness meant she needed another someone, otherwise it was simply being alone… and from the scant few pieces she had it seemed like she had had someone. At least at the end.

A chill swept through her at the dark thought of the memory that had seared in her brain. She had to remember that she was loved… and that there was a wicked looking toothed sword coming at her head.

_Ah, there is a god, _she thought to herself as a dark shadow fell across her closed eyelids, obscuring the sun's gentle warmth. But as Mara cracked one dark eye open to see if her wish for rain was granted, she was greeted instead with the sight of Hisagi looming over her.

"Are you okay?" He asked simply, his eyes guarded and face locked in a mask that was equal parts stern and worried.

That was in interesting question. Was she okay? Physically, yeah sure she was. In her mind, not so much. So much had happened in so short a time.

Mara looked up at the tall man in front of her studying him. He seemed to blush under her scrutiny, but he didn't waver under the piercing gaze. She couldn't help but admire the handsome cut of him and how the tattoos and scars on his face only seemed to accent his high cheekbones and heavy gaze, but that wasn't all she saw when she looked at him with fresh eyes.

There were bags under his eyes, reflecting the gray that she had found could be soft as clouds or hard as flint. His lush lips had a tension around them that even the small grin he tried to give her didn't erase. Hisagi looked tired and oddly wary of her. It reflected in his actions.

It had only been a week since she had agreed that marrying him was the best course forward. A week of being introduced to the squad and beginning to eat with them and trying to meet others. It had been a week of whispers about this being 'unheard of' and 'was she good enough for the captain' and 'who was she anyways'. Hisagi had quelled them all with a single, hard look when he was around… but that seemed to be less each day. It almost seemed he was avoiding her.

His warm smiles had been replaced by tense grins that barely bent the corners of his mouth. There were no jokes or quips. He didn't ruffle her hair. Hell, he didn't touch her at all. It was like he was waiting for her to blow up and getting further and further from the blast radius. He didn't seem to understand that she knew only a grand total of 3 people in this world and 2 had disappeared. Kira was locked away somewhere new to study and Grimmjow… If it seemed like Hisagi had been trying to avoid her then Grimmjow was succeeding at it.

She hadn't entered a room without him leaving the same minute ever since that day the memories hit and she had kissed him and loved it. Since she had woken up in his arms and he had held her like he was cherishing the very existence of her. He had stayed long enough to explain the threats to her in a wretched growl before stalking out of the room. Not that she had had enough time or will-power to sort through if she felt this connection to Grimmjow because he actually made her feel that way or because of the memories attached to him in that moment.

Not that she could talk it out with the invisible espada. He probably didn't do "feelings" talks anyway. She definitely couldn't talk it out with her new fiancé. She couldn't even draw on her own knowledge or experience of how to handle this or what to think because she didn't fucking know what she knew. So no, Mara was distinctly not okay.

"Not really, Shuuhei. No," she sighed out, tired of fighting for composure and correctness. She absentmindedly rubbed the small tattoo on the inside of her left wrist. It was the one symbol left on her body that she still could not make sense of.

"I didn't think so," he said as he shrugged off his haori and tossed it against the tree, before following it down and sitting down next to her. Mara raised her eyebrows in question at him and he mirrored the look back at her before turning his eyes to gaze at some invisible point in the distance. "You know that's the first time you've called me by my name since you agreed to marry me?" he asked lowly.

"What? No it…" Mara trailed off as she thought. Had she really become so formal with him, too? Was she why that frown had begun to more deeply crease his brow? Was he as worried about her attentions as she was about his? "Surely I have, at least some… I mean- I've been calling you Captain in front of your squad. I thought that was better I guess, because that's what you are to them."

"Yes," Hisagi said slowly, "but am I your captain?" He looked at her from the corner of her eyes to see the confusion on her face deepen as she faltered under his gaze

"No… Yes? I don't know, honestly," Mara barely whispered back, "I don't know how I'm supposed to act with all this, Shuu. You are most definitely a captain and my captain for all intents and purposes. You feed me, clothe me- I live in your barracks surrounded by your men and I feel like I'm so out of place and don't know how to treat you except for how they do."

Hisagi had turned his head to face her now, expression serene though the grey in his eyes was a tempest of unreadable emotions. He simply looked at her in silence, not interrupting her train of thought rambling as she got out what was in her head. This small act of patience and kindness reminded her of how he was the first week, and Mara gathered her courage in the weight of his gaze.

"But no, you are most definitely not my captain. Because your squad shouldn't be wondering if they are pleasing you 24/7 just in the hopes of a smile. And your squad members shouldn't be missing the fact that they don't get to spend one-on-one time with you where you joke and you ruffle my hair or- or hold my hand. And I'm so worried that you will think that bringing me in was a huge mistake and that you will stay away from me all the time. What if you realize that this sucks for you? Then you'll withdraw and it'll suck for me, too, and it'll be all my fault!"

"Mara," Hisagi tried to cut in gently, but she was off on her tangent now.

"Plus," she continued, barely pausing for breath, "you just keep withdrawing! It's like you get further and further away every day and I don't know how to react. Or if I am the cause of it. It's so lonely and I'm so scared and I have no one to turn to here. I don't know what to think about this or you or… anyone else here for that matter. And what if… what if you don't want me?"

"Mara," Hisagi said more forcefully.

She turned tortured eyes to him, tears at the rims blurring the amber flecks and making his heart hurt. "I've been loved," she said haltingly. She had told the guys at the time about her memory, leaving out a few choice parts, but she had delivered the vision clinically. She hadn't had the ability at the time to even investigate her feelings on it, let alone phrase them, so she tried now. "I know I was loved, I saw it, but… but then it looked like he- the sword…," Mara trailed off as she breathed deeply, "I don't know, Shuuhei. I should know love, but I don't. I know, vaguely, that marriage should be for love but how do we do this when we were thrust into it? You as much as me… If someone who said they loved me could do what ever that was then how… how do I trust without being so damn afraid of everything?"

Mara finally locked desperate eyes on Hisagi. "Koibito," he said softly, raising his hand to brush a stray sapphire lock behind her ear. He couldn't help but frown at her minor flinch at the action and he wondered if maybe it was better if she didn't remember more of her past life if this was how she would react. He altered his grip to brush the backs of his fingers across her cheeks and was rewarded with her eyes fluttering closed at the gentle touch.

"You know what Koibito means?" He asked her, moving his hand to weave his fingers in her hair.

"No," she whispered.

"Sweetheart," he replied, moving his thumb in gentle strokes against her jaw. "Precious to me. Because I am not your captain, Mara. I don't want to be. I wanted to give you a chance to choose your path, but I wound up making you feel like this. I've been afraid you would hate me, that you would regret your decision, that all this still wouldn't keep you safe. I've been trying to find a way to get you out of this…"

"See," she muttered, stiffening against his hand and beginning to pull away, but Hisagi cut her off, using his grip on her to turn her back to look at him.

"No, no 'see'," he said with a mock sarcasm that caught her off guard, "I was looking for a way for you to make sure you can do what YOU want. You looked more miserable every day and I feared it was because of me, because you regret this already. I, however, am perfectly happy with our arrangement."

Mara scrutinized Hisagi's open expression, confusion furrowing her brow. "Why?"

Instead of answering, Hisagi's eyes followed his fingers as the left her jaw to curl a stray strand of hair over his fingers. "Fear is not always a weakness, Koibito. Sometimes it locks us away and paralyzes us apart from each other," he said as he trailed his fingers down her arm. He wondered if her skin was as silken as the kimono-style robe she had taken to wearing. This week had proven to him that life was better when he had her to distract him, to smile with, to comfort just with her presence.

"Fear can also drive us, sometimes to desperation," he continued, meeting her dark eyes with an intense gaze of his own. "Fear can drive us to find ways out of predicaments that we would never have thought we would be in." He trailed his fingers back up her arm, grazing skin as her sleeve rolled up in front of his touch. His eyes never left hers, relishing her reaction to him as her lashes fluttered and goosebumps broke out on her skin.

Hisagi took a deep breath, trying to quell his own fear of rejection; his fear of losing her because he hadn't fought for her, fear of her growing to hate him instead of love him was greater. _I must make her understand. I may just need her. I feel like I've been drowning in that distant gaze without her smile to lift me out._

"And sometimes, fear makes us do things completely out of character to attain what we need," he breathed out, scooping Mara up under her arms and setting her to sit facing him on his lap before she could react.

Mara gasped as Hisagi wound a strong arm around her waist. Moving his other hand up to cup her cheek again, he brought her flush against him and kissed her. His grip was strong and commanding, but his kiss was tentative. Soft lips teased her own for just a moment, before he pulled back to meet Mara's now very wide-eyed gaze.

"Shuuhei…"

Hisagi cut her off, still not releasing his grip on her. "Mara, I can't say that it was love at first sight, like I said to protect you. I just said what I needed to get you out of there. I can't say that I love you now…"

Mara just watched him, waiting for him to finish and trying desperately not to be distracted by how right his body felt against hers. Her hands roamed slowly over his hard chest, tracing the ridges of muscle there.

Hisagi's breath caught in his throat. "But I can tell you," he continued, "that I have been intrigued by you since the first day we talked. You are beautiful and brilliant and… I like you. And It could so easily grow into love that it is terrifying."

Mara slowly brought her hand up to trace the edge of his shihakusho over his collar bone and she felt him shudder beneath her. She grazed her fingers up the side of his neck, deftly passing over his explosive choker to run a single finger over his strong jaw. "Then why did you stay so far away?" she whispered.

"I didn't think you wanted me," Hisagi confessed, lips trembling with the effort it took to stay still under her cautious exploration. "I went from Shuuhei to Captain. Your smile disappeared… I was trying to find you a way out because I thought you wanted one. All I want though, is for you to want me. I know we could make it, Koi."

Mara's exploring fingers traced the tattoo across the bridge of his nose, leading her hand back to twine her fingers in his hair. Her nails gentle scratch caused a low rumble of a moan in his chest that he couldn't hold back.

_Please, Mara… Koibito. Give me a chance. _He could feel himself begging her with his eyes as his grip tightened involuntarily.

"Then what do I do from here, Shuu?" She asked, just a hairsbreadth away.

"Whatever you want," he replied just as gently, "I will make sure you have whatever you want, Koi."

_Finally, _Hisagi thought as Mara pressed her soft lips against his own.

Mara wasn't sure of herself as she leaned into Hisagi and kissed him softly, almost chastely. Hisagi didn't push her, allowing her to control the pace. His iron grip around her, however careful, betrayed how much he wanted more as he kept her pressed hard against him, but he let her find her pace. Mara slowly began to open up against his mouth, sliding her tongue against his lower lip before nibbling it. She wound her arms around his neck and slid against him as she deepened the kiss.

_Rain. He tastes like the rain, _she realized with joy. All morning she had longed for a rainy respite from her day and here it was, locked inside the man that she had been too scared to reach out to. Now- god she wanted more of him right the fuck now.

Pulling back, Mara could help the beaming smile that curled across her face. "You. I want you. I- I think we can make this work."

Hisagi's eyes were dark as he watched that life-giving smile. She would break him. He was sure of it. But if she wanted him then he sure as hell wasn't going to deny her. In a move too quick for most eyes to follow, he had lifted up Mara and himself enough to throw out his haori like a blanket. He spun them to lay Mara on her back, perching on his elbow over her.

Immediately, Mara was pulling him down to her by his lapel, her legs lifting to wrap around his waist. She couldn't get enough of him. She wanted to breathe in the rain of him, to calm the fires that raged in her heart and mind. She could feel how he kissed her with barely restrained fervor. His free hand cupped her face so gently, like he cherished her, but the pressure of his hips on hers stoked a fire of a whole different sort. Mara could feel the warmth between her legs spread and send streams of lust racing through her veins.

Mara couldn't fight her own small moan at the feel of him grinding against her, and Hisagi reacted even more forcefully, his hand sliding to her hip and holding her down. His thumb dug into the sensitive hollow there, pausing her squirming and causing her to gasp against his mouth. He lowered his lips to trace her jaw with kisses before nibbling her ear lobe.

"I am not having you out in this field, Koibito," he whispered into her ear, breath tickling the sensitive flesh and causing her to gasp again, "but those sexy noises you make and the feel of you against me is making it so fucking hard to hold back."

Mara couldn't think straight. His deep growl said no but his hand roaming back up her side and exploring her curves said otherwise. "Please," she whimpered wantonly.

Growling deeply, Hisagi kissed her deeply again. He explored her mouth with tongue, relishing the sweet taste of her as much as she did his own. He moved a hand to cup her breast, feeling her nipple harden under the play of his fingers.

"Shuu… otto…" Mara groaned out at the feel of him teasing her body.

Hisagi pulled away gasping for breath. His eyes widened as he looked at Mara's now serene face. "Otto… husband?"

Finally releasing her tight grip on him, Mara ran gentle, shaking fingers over his cheek. Tracing the scars there, she realized that she liked this face. She could love this face. She could love this man. He was an enigma that was opening only to her. He was a dichotomy of soft touches and hard planes, gentle looks around an iron will… she could be happy with him. "Otto," she confirmed, not breaking eye contact, "because you will be, right?"

Hisagi's warm smile finally broke through. It shone so bright beneath his thundercloud eyes that Mara was tempted to look for a rainbow breaking out around them. In a flash, he had wrapped Mara in the haori she had been laying on and hefted her into his arms, bridal style. Mara's musical laugh rang out across the open field as he twirled her in a circle.

"Yes, Koi," he answered, starting to walk back toward the barracks and offices on the 9th. "I will be. But I am not starting our marriage bed in a field," Hisagi continued as he carried her around, earning strange looks from the members of his squad they passed, "Plus, I have to go to the academy soon for a student overview."

Mara couldn't help the feeling of loneliness that tried to creep back in even as she was still in his arms. At his keen look, Mara knew her fear was showing on her face and she tried to cover it up with a playful pout. Hisagi didn't buy it for a second and swung Mara onto her feet to face him outside his office. She stood looking up at him and couldn't help but notice that they were drawing a small crowd; one that was doing its best to look like it wasn't watching.

Hisagi didn't care about the crowd, except that they learn to accept this woman in front of him. He couldn't help but smile at how she looked right now. Her hair was tousled and cheeks flushed. She had pulled his large haori around herself and it dwarfed her small frame, dragging the ground slightly like the train of a wedding gown.

Pulling her to him, Hisagi bent to kiss her gently again, and smiled against her lips as he felt her raise on tip-toe to meet him. "Don't pout," he said firmly, "get dressed. I want you go with me."

"But…" Mara said, unsure of what would be waiting outside those gates, "what if-"

Cutting her off with another swift kiss, Hisagi explained, "Nope. The only what if is that you may want training someday if your rietsu evens out and this is a chance to see if you would want to go to the academy to do it. I just have to meet with the captains to cast lots for the new semesters picks and observe the advanced students for the draft. We can walk and tour and anything you want while we are there.

As Mara slowly nodded, excitement began to stir inside her. She was going somewhere with Hisagi, somewhere out. He wanted to be out with her.

"Plus," Hisagi added, wanting to see her smile grow more, "We can grab some food and go shopping for you. You have to be tired of clothes you didn't pick out yourself."

Mara couldn't help the laugh that bubbled up as she nodded. She gave Hisagi a last hug before bounding off to her quarters, still wearing his haori around her. Hisagi smiled and shook his head at the sight. He didn't think he could tire of that sight if he tried.

For now, though, he had to find his Combat Instructor who had also had very scant appearances this week. He wanted his opinion on the student review, but he also wanted his protection as they took the little bird out of her cage for the first time.


	25. Chapter 24: Visit Me in My Dreams

**Thank you for your patience as I was encouraged through some writing block. Stay Safe, stay home, read and enjoy. I am off on a spurt so maybe I can get back on getting stuff out every couple days. Thanks guys!**

**Chapter 24**

"Grimmjow!" Hisagi called out as he entered the darkened weight room at the edge of the training arena. His eyes strained against the darkness that Grimmjow seemed to prefer but he was able to make out a soft cloud of smoke and the glowing tip of a cigarette at the far end of the room. "I thought you gave that shit up?"

"I did," came the grumbled reply of the Sexta espada. Glowing teal eyes flashed across at the captain from where he lay on his back across a weight bench. He took another long drag from the cigarette before exhaling to wreathe the room in another plume of smoke.

Hisagi crossed his arms, raising an eyebrow in the direction on the near ancient hollow that was acting like a petulant teenager. "At least don't smoke in the closed room please," he said with a practiced calm.

"Aye, Aye, Cap," Grimmjow drawled as he flicked the butt up in the air and vaporized it with a small cero before it could even arc back down. "You can go away now."

"Nope," Hisagi said simply, drawing an ire-filled glare from the despondent man, "We are both going. Its drawing day at the academy, so we have to go."

Groaning, Grimmjow rose to a sitting position and shrugged on the loose jacket he wore, rolling up the sleeves to just under his elbows. Not over his elbows. Not anymore. Hisagi had often wondered if Grimmjow's affinity for dark rooms was because no one could see his myriad of scars. Was it pride because his hierro had been marred or was it because of how it happened that he stayed covered?

"Why bother? You just get the crap ones anyways with your bleeding-heart bullshit," Grimmjow complained, pulling Hisagi from his wondering, "And why so early?"

"We have errands to run first and I need your eyes during it," Hisagi answered, rolling his eyes at Grimmjow's complaints.

"Ugh," Grimmjow groaned, flopping back on the bench.

He glared at Hisagi's answering chuckle as he approached him and held out his hand to lift Grimmjow back up. "Rise and shine, Jaegerjaques!" he laughed out, "It's a beautiful day… and I promise I will try to find you a few fighters."

"Why are you in such a good mood?" Grimmjow asked suspiciously.

Hisagi didn't answer except to stroll out into the sunshine, leaving the espada to catch up. Grimmjow didn't like it one bit.

.

Scratch that, Grimmjow fucking hated this day already. He had followed Hisagi to the front gate of the 9th division, just to be greeted with the same woman and her flowing blue hair that he had been avoiding like a plague. Even now he wanted to turn tail and run from her. She haunted his dreams and made his arms ache to hold her again. This was bullshit.

Grimmjow was torn between going into a blind rage and falling to his knees in pain as he saw where Hisagi's haori had gone to. Folded neatly on her lap, she held it to give to him. Clearly there had been some level of undress between them, and Grimmjow didn't care if it was only a fucking jacket. God dammit, why did her every decision seem to puncture his heart?

But then… shit… then she saw Hisagi and stood and let out that fucking sun beam of a smile at him as he approached. Grimmjow thought his heart was gone but he had been wrong. It bottomed out again. It fell further as she walked up and handed him the haori. Hisagi draped an arm easily over her shoulder and bent to tell her softly how nice she looked. Grimmjow gritted his teeth and used every ounce of willpower to keep from tearing off the captain's arm.

She did look beautiful, Grimmjow admitted internally. Her hair had been pin backed with small bunches of tiny silver combs, looking like small stars lost in a galaxy. A silver/blue kimono covered in dark purple flowers draped gently over her shoulders, the appeal of the cut not lost despite the high necked juban underneath it. The tight silver obi accentuated her small waist, showing how petite and delicate she was. Grimmjow's mind couldn't help but think of how perfect she had felt in his strong arms and the overwhelming desire to keep and protect her.

He wanted to look away from the sight that tore at him. He tried, but it was like watching a random act of destruction to him. You want to look away, you know you shouldn't watch this thing that will hurt you, but you have to. He had almost mustered the will to turn away when Mara looked back at him, seeing him come up from following Hisagi to the gate and she just had to fucking smile at him.

The smile was tentative, full of worry that he would tear off again as he had been all week. It hurt to know she didn't trust him to be there, especially when making her turn to him had been his goal. He knew he could have swept in anytime this past week and been her savior. He should have, he knew that. She was isolated, upset. The captain was distracted and worried. It would have been so damn easy to be what she needed and nailed in his importance but to look at her was to dream. To hope. To die inside all over again when she pulled away.

Mara just kept looking at him with her own bit of hope, though, and Grimmjow felt himself grinning back at her. It was just a nod of acknowledgement and a small barely-there grin, but it was enough for Mara's tentative smile to grow bold and bright and just for him. He was sunk again. This woman pulled every weakness in him to the surface when she wasn't even around. Her presence broke every wall that he locked his fear and anger and pain behind. He felt self-conscious of the scars in his mind and on his body with her perfection looking in even though he could practically taste how she could heal them. Her power was actually secondary to her simple existence. She didn't haunt his dreams; she was his damn dream.

.

Shopping, however, was not his dream. This was a fucking nightmare, and by the pained look on Hisagi's face it seemed they were in agreement. They were currently waiting at a café outside the fourth kimono shop in the best district of the Rukongai and Mara had barely bought anything, barely tried anything on.

She probably would have tried more on if she hadn't turned down assistance with dressing in the stores, but the woman apparently had a phobia of anyone seeing her in any state of undress. She also seemed to be wandering aimlessly as she trailed her fingers over the racks of lush fabrics. Hisagi had given her carte blanche to get whatever she needed. So far that was some high-collared shirts and real-world style socks.

Mara flopped down in the patio chair next to the two distinctly bored looking men, having finally gotten herself redressed from the last shop. She looked rather discouraged herself.

"It's okay, Koi. We can keep looking," Hisagi said reaching to cover her hand with her own, "Let's get some food for now. We have a couple more hours before we have to be at the academy."

Mara's face brightened at the mention of food. "Yes!" she exclaimed comically, a wide grin on her face, "I know I can at least decide on food better." She reached for a menu and began inspecting the offerings.

"You know, this man is taking you to the best damn shops in the afterlife, woman," Grimmjow said, his irritation not hidden in his tone, "What the hell are you looking for anyways?"

Hisagi shot him a glare but Mara didn't look up from her menu as she replied, "I'll know it when I see it." She turned to Hisagi with wide eyes, thoughts clearly centered on her stomach. "They have coffee here?!" she asked with wide eyed excitement.

"Yeah. Grimmjow wasn't lying, this is the best district. It is prime for shopping, eating, and even treats from the real world."

"God I've missed coffee!" Mara exclaimed, not noticing the penetrating stares the men were sending her way.

"You like it then?" Grimmjow asked, head cocked to the side in question.

"Oh yeah," Mara answered, still not looking up from the next part of the menu, "Favorite is a dark South American blend with 2 shots of espresso, a pump of caramel and vanilla with almond milk. Preferably over ice with a drizzle of caramel on top if it's warm like today. Doesn't help that these damn kimono's have like 7 layers even if they are beautiful."

Grimmjow and Hisagi looked at each other with wide eyes over Mara's bent head, before her head shot up.

"Holy balls! What the fuck did I just say?" She asked looking at the guys across the table with a look like a deer caught in the lights.

The guys couldn't help but crack up at the shocked expression on her face. Mara's continuing to stare at them in confusion only driving their laughter further.

"Cap! Cap!" Grimmjow gasped out, "What's my name?!"

"I don't know," Hisagi chuckled, "But here's your coffee!"

Both men dissolved into fits of laughter, doubled over the table as Mara stared at them. She tried to move her mouth to get onto them for their callous joke but god it really was a good one. Mara found herself laughing along with them until they were red in the face and panting. Looking around the table, Mara felt some of the burden on her shoulders ease. This. She needed this. Hisagi wiped a tear from his hard and tattooed face as he rose to go place an order for them. Grimmjow's aquamarine eyes danced and even the fanged bones on the side of his face brought her no terror with his smile tilting in happiness instead of malice. It wasn't a sight she expected with people she could never have pictured, but it felt right. At least more right than anything else had lately

Grimmjow's expression held a rare warmth as Mara looked over at him, meeting his smiling eyes with one of her own. Mara reached out her hand to cover his laying on the table near her. Grimmjow's expression immediately sobered and became questioning, but he didn't pull away. She didn't know that he couldn't if he had wanted to.

"I know I am testing your patience, Grimm," she said softly, "but for what it is worth, I am glad you came. I missed-"

Grimmjow covered her hand with his own. "Don't," he said softly in a tortured voice.

He could feel Mara's eyes boring into him but he couldn't look at her. He couldn't answer the question that he knew would be held in them. He hoped Mara's perception could be less keen if only for this moment. He didn't know that she was piecing together that he was why everyone had left them alone on this outing. No one wanted to be near a hollow, especially an espada, even if he was so old and powerful that feeding on other souls was a thing of the past. He didn't know that she was internally aligning their isolation with each other in her mind, trying to understand his reaction. He didn't know that she saw his quick glance toward Hisagi's back, confirming her suspicions of his reactions, even if she didn't fully understand the root. He didn't realize that he still hadn't let go of her hand.

"Okay," she acquiesced simply, schooling her contemplative expression and drawing his relieved eyes to hers, "I'll wait."

Grimmjow's brow furrowed at her addition to her saying. "There won't be a next time," he grumbled.

Mara raised an eyebrow and gave an enigmatic smile, sliding her hand out from between his own as Hisagi turned to bring food back to the table. She did want to ease Grimmjow's mind somehow, but if Hisagi was part of the problem then she would have to tread carefully. That man had been nothing but wonderful to her, she thought as she watched Hisagi approach. Maybe he could give her some insight on what to do.

She smiled as Hisagi delivered a small feast. "I didn't know exactly what you wanted, so I grabbed some of everything," he said sheepishly.

"Man after my own heart," Mara said, digging into some sushi while still sliding a bowl of ramen in place in front of her. She tucked into the food in front of her as the group eased back into a tenuous camaraderie.

"These obi's are for the birds," Mara said, rubbing her hand on her full stomach, "Do you guys not believe in clothes that stretch?"

Hisagi pointed his chopsticks at a store across the street with pristine soul reaper uniforms in the window before swiping the last of his rice form his bowl into his mouth.

Grimmjow followed the direction he pointed in. "Oh yeah," he said sleepily, "Stealth force."

"What? What is that?"

"It's an elite force for espionage and spy shit," Grimmjow said.

"And many wear tight, stretchy uniforms to more easily move and conceal themselves," Hisagi added.

Mara squinted and leaned forward, making out an advertising flyer that was attached to the door of the shop. She could see a woman pictured in an orange jacket, a black turtleneck and tight, stretchy black pants. _Bingo!_

In the blink of an eye, Mara had cleared the table and grabbed both men by their hands, dragging them across the street with surprising strength to the shop. She pointed at the flyer with determination. "Those are what I have been looking for!"

The men exchanged another look over her head and Hisagi shrugged. "Alright, then let's go shopping."

Thirty minutes later, both men's eyes widened as Mara appeared in the skintight pants, accompanied by the comfortable sandals sported by all shinigami. The store owner had begun tailoring as she shopped, shortening dressing robes into tops that tied around the waist, all to be layered over a variety of colored juban and high collared shirts. The outfit did literally nothing to hide her curves, only accentuating her form for their eyes. Her kimono had been carefully folded and left with the shopkeep to be delivered back to the barracks with the order.

"Now this feels right!" Mara exclaimed happily, skipping ahead of the men, both of whom had a hard time peeling their eyes from her ass as she bounced in front of them. Men on the street, and some women too, had all begun following her movement.

_She has no fucking clue what effect she has, _Grimmjow realized. He looked over to Hisagi to see his thoughts mirrored back on Hisagi's face. His eyes were caught somewhere between worshipful and wary as more people began to stop on the street to watch Mara as she passed.

"Time to go, Cap?" Grimmjow asked him lowly.

"Oh yeah," Hisagi answered forcefully, "Let's go."

While Hisagi flash stepped to Mara, calming her steps with a gentle grip on her elbow, Grimmjow sonido'd up behind them, turning to walk backwards and send a bright maniacal glare around the crowd. The ones who didn't get the hint began dispersing at his fanged grin as he focused on them individually.

"What's going on, Shuu?" Mara asked quietly, nervously.

"Nothing, Koibito," he replied. Grimmjow resisted turning his glare on the captain as his ears perked at the endearment. "You are just attracting a lot of attention and we don't want to risk you with the wrong kind of attention."

"Oh," she said softly, some of her good mood deflated, "I'm sorry."

"You didn't do anything wrong," Grimmjow said gruffly behind her, loathe to see her shining smile disappear.

"You are just more beautiful than you know," Hisagi added gently, "and your outfit does nothing to hide that fact."

"Oh," Mara said again, this time with a near giggle, heat rising to flush her cheeks.

"Before we jet, we prob ought to grab something for the academy," Grimmjow said to Hisagi, "You know how they are about tradition and decorum."

"Good idea," Hisagi agreed, pleased with Grimmjow's forethought for Mara's well-being, "You got her?"

"Tch, really?" Grimmjow said, scoffing as he stepped up next to Mara, laying a heavy hand gently on her shoulder. He resisted the urge to tangle his fingers in the hair that fell tickling over his hand. Was it his imagination or did he feel her tremble under his touch. Was that good or bad?

Hisagi rolled his eyes, but flash stepped away to the uniform shop to grab something to cover her.

"Now?" Mara asked without looking at Grimmjow but with a smile in her voice.

Grimmjow couldn't help but chuckle lowly at her tenacity, the deep rumbling in his chest sending unbidden tingles through her body from where his hand lay on her. "No, Yumekanau."

She cast a puzzled glance at him at the word. Dream… dream something…

All she got in reply was a roguish smile that didn't disguise the small ember of warmth in Grimmjow's eyes as he looked down at her, before looking back at the people on the street with a glare.

Hisagi reappeared in a moment, with a dark teal silk robe that she could tie loosely around her waist and would probably hit the floor with her diminutive figure. Mara smiled at him as he handed it to her to hold. "I love that color," she remarked to him as his hand on her arm replaced Grimmjow's.

"I noticed you were drawn to it in there," he replied, smiling down at her, "You ready to go fast?"

"Um… sure?" Mara said in a distinctly unsure voice.

"It'll be fine," Grimmjow drawled, coming up alongside the couple, "this is just the easiest way to travel." He flicked his eyes to Hisagi's. "Outside the gate so she can change?"

"Yup," he affirmed, scooping Mara up bridal style and making her yelp in surprise before laughing, her arms going around his neck automatically.

She leaned her head back backwards, looking at Grimmjow upside down. The comical sight erased some of the cloud in his eyes though his features remained stoic. "How fast?" she asked playfully.

Grimmjow chuckled and took off in a flash, disappearing from her sight.

She turned wide eyes to Hisagi as he disappeared and Hisagi's low laugh reverberated through her where he held her to his chest. "Hold on tight, Koi," He cautioned, a sexy purr in his words, "I'm even faster."

He took off, leaping to the nearest roof before blurring off. The world became a haze of blurred colors and whipping wind. She couldn't help the laughter bubbling inside her yet getting sucked out of her lungs into the rushing air. She could hear Grimmjow's cackling laugh in the distance. She looked up at Hisagi who was smiling down at her, cradling her close and relishing her excitement. He adjusted his grip on her, bringing her more vertical to press a quick kiss to her lips.

"I don't mind if we lose, you know," Mara said coyly, causing him to chuckle again.

"Then I would never hear the end of it from the king," he laughed, tightening his hold, "Here we go!"

Hisagi put on another burst of speed, drawing up to be side by side with Grimmjow. They gave each other competitive smiles and kept going for just a few more seconds before dropping into identical positions on the ground outside a large gate.

"Caught up to you even while carrying her," Hisagi declared as he rose, setting Mara to her feet, "Are you getting slower?"

"Tch! Really, Cap?" Grimmjow scoffed "That's like saying you were carrying a bag of apples and deserve a handicap. She's a feather."

"Still caught you," Hisagi stated firmly.

"Because I let you," Grimmjow said, loving the rising annoyance he could feel from the captain, "It would have been against decorum if the Combat Instructor arrived before the captain."

Hisagi rolled his eyes and turned as he saw Mara shaking out the long robe, trying to fit her own wide sleeve inside of it.

"Here," Hisagi said, lifting the robe to cover her from the street, "You have a shirt on under that one, just take off the over-shirt and put this on instead."

Mara looked suddenly very nervous, drawing concerned looks from the men. She shook her head and untied her over-shirt. She yanked it off, reveling the sleeveless shirt underneath. She raised her slim arms to slide through the sleeves of the teal robe as quickly as she could. She wasn't fast enough for the two men to not see the pale scars in punctures and slashes on the inside of her arms. There were dozens on the inside and they even got a glimpse of a few thin scars that ran from her shoulders to disappear under the back of her top. Grimmjow raised shocked eyes to Hisagi, only to see the same baffled look peering back at him. Was this from medical things like the pricks on her wrist? What exactly had she gone through in life.

Suddenly Grimmjow was unknowingly thinking what Hisagi had been earlier. Maybe it was better if she didn't remember her old life. The dark, hollow part of his mind berated him as he watched her tie up the robe, eyes downcast and flush. It shouldn't matter how she feels, it's about getting the power…. But the voice died as he saw her raise eyes filled with shame and self-loathing.

"Koi," Hisagi started to say, pity in his voice.

"Please, Shuu. Please don't," she said sadly, turning to walk toward the gate.

Hisagi, in a move so out of character Grimmjow had to blink to make sure it was real, Hisagi bounded in front of Mara, picking her up under his arm. He stepped back toward the espada and flipped the woman before setting her on her feet, somewhat unsteadily. He made sure she could stand before going back to stand next to Grimmjow, slinging an arm around the espada's shoulders and ignoring the disgruntled look levied his way.

"What the hell, Shuu?" Mara snapped, straightening her robe in preparation to stomp away.

"Why are you ashamed over scars?" Hisagi asked bluntly.

"Dude! What the fuck?" Grimmjow exclaimed, shocked that he was the one to lecture Hisagi about rudeness.

Mara's mouth fell open, but she looked closer to battling tears than screaming.

Hisagi pointed at Grimmjow's exposed chest, the old angry scar still very apparent and visible, and slowly Mara closed her mouth. He then pointed at the scars arcing down his own face, and Mara's face shifted to one of confused annoyance. "I dare say, Koi," Hisagi said with a smile, "that you wouldn't be able to roll with us if you didn't have scars."

Mara fought a smile at his antics, but still her arms stayed wrapped tight around her. _Battle scars_. The thought popped in her head without prompting, but for some reason it brought her comfort. She was battle scarred, like the strong men in front of her who did nothing to hide the evidence of their wounds. Slowly Mara allowed her smile to spread, "Okay, okay," she muttered, "Just don't expect me to go practically shirtless to show mine off like him." She raised a finger to point at Grimmjow.

To his credit, Grimmjow played along, displaying a ridiculously sexy pout as his flashed to hers with heat. Hisagi sagged against the espada with an exaggerated groan, before throwing her a lopsided smile and jogging toward the gate to get them to open it.

Grimmjow came up beside Mara as she bent to pick up her discarded shirt, folding it to fit in the pocket of the robe while they were in the academy. She froze as she felt Grimmjow's warm hand caress her side before settling on her lower back to guide her forward. "Scars or no," he bent forward to whisper softly against the shell of her ear, "You are still the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, Yumekanau."

Mara's eyes went wide as Grimmjow pushed her forward ahead of him towards a broadly grinning Hisagi who waited for her at the gate.


	26. Chapter 25: Koi no Yokan

(A/N) Got creative juices - and some fermented juices- flowing and got my next few chapters mapped out, so hopefully I can keep outputting. huge huge thank you to my readers for encouragement! I needed it, because this is my quarantine therapy! its also resulting in some really lond chapters so hope you enjoy. Stay safe guys!

**Chapter 25**

"Um… guys? You did not say we had to do a friggin' parade into this place. Is it always like this?" Mara asked, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot. There were what she could only assume were students dressed in blue and red lining both sides of a long, carpeted processional. Some were clapping and talking, some were climbing over one another to get to the front, and some were even cheering out Hisagi's name. Mostly the women were doing that.

Hisagi pulled Mara up next to him to walk beside him as they headed through the courtyard, but Grimmjow was the one who answered from his place behind her. "Yeah, though normally our entrance is a bit of a mixed bag."

Before Mara could ask what he meant, the clapping died down but the murmurs rose and she strained to listen to what they were saying. The murmurs droned like a million flies and she was unable to pick out phrases but the myriad of looks answered her. Shock- who was she and why was she next to this beloved captain. Jealousy- same reason. Rage. The rage confused her until an anonymous loudmouth in the crowd yelled out "Fuck you, Espada!"

Mara's steps faltered and her eyes went wide, but neither Hisagi nor Grimmjow slowed their steps. The heckling rang out again with more voices joining the yells of hate this time. Looking over her shoulder, she was surprised to see Grimmjow's face showed nothing on it but boredom. He caught her eye and winked, before minutely gesturing with his chin for her to look forward and keep walking. He was used to this, she realized. Too used to this.

The din from the crowd rose louder as more people joined the jeering, but this time they were countered by the yells of others calling them out for doubting the judgement of a captain. Mara raised her eyes to see Hisagi's face was hard, eyes scanning the crowd for those speaking without breaking his stride.

"You aren't going to do anything?" she asked him softly.

"He can't," Grimmjow again answered, "he tried the first year and they almost took his post from him. Only reason they didn't is that there weren't enough ranked officers left to replace him."

"They also almost gave you back to 12. Reprehinsible…" Hisagi added lowly, trailing off. He flicked his eyes to Mara, "As I said, Koi, there are still many improvements needed to be made in Soul Society, but we will get there. Not all here are bad."

Mara nodded and let out a sigh of relief as they finally crossed the threshold of the main Academy building, the door shutting behind them. The men did not break their formation however as they wound deeper into the building, Grimmjow two paces behind the captain. Mara began to notice that no more students were present and she could only see the black shinigami outfits on people running around in between rooms. Often, they were carrying stacks of papers or rolls of scrolls that they barely kept up right as they scurried. Other shinigami with badges on their arms waited in the hall in small groups.

She saw a figure emerge in a white haori like Hisagi's and immediately two shinigami with arm badges peeled off from the group to dutifully follow him until he entered another room. She was surprised to note they maintained a distance of 2 steps behind him the whole way. This was apparently another unwritten rule.

"Good, we beat a lot of people here," Hisagi said softly to himself. "Mara, stay with Grimmjow while he gets in line for the combat viewing, I'll join you soon."

"Oh, okay," Mara answered hesitantly.

"Don't worry, you're safe here. I'll only be 5 minutes," Hisagi said warmly, dropping a quick kiss on her head before disappearing through a door.

"What?" she heard Grimmjow growl out behind her, "You don't think I can protect you?"

Mara turned to look at the espada whose casual demeanor and almost angry face were at odds with the sheen of hurt in his eyes. "Of course, I do," she answered without hesitation, causing his brows to raise just a hair in surprise, "but I am also smart enough to realize that we are in a place where you may actually have to."

Grimmjow's look softened and he motioned for her to walk with him further down the hall to where a small group of badged shinigami were gathering. "We have friends in these ranks too, ya know, Yumekanau," he smirked at her as he slid in front of a mountain of a man who was stuffing his face with something fried that smelled like heaven.

The man's rotund face turned almost the same shade of purple as his collar. Mara gasped as he grabbed the espada by his shoulder and whipped Grimmjow around to face him. "ESPADA!" the man roared, "I was in this line before you and deserve the prime seats!"

"Congratulations, Omaeda. You want a fucking cookie?" Grimmjow replied dryly, before reaching out to hit the big man lightly in the stomach. "Who am I kidding, of course you do."

Omaeda's eye twitched before he burst into a loud rumbling laugh, making Mara jump. "You crack me up!" he wheezed, "But I will take that cookie! You give me enough of them and maybe the king can finally have some gold!" The big man tapped an enormous golden medallion that hung on a thick gold chain around his neck.

"I ain't got no need for that shit, man," Grimmjow said with a toothy grin, "but if you really want to lose another piece of jewelry, how about we fight for it again?"

"Ha! You think I haven't increased my training! I am the Lieutenant of Squad 2! Second tier leader of the Stealth Force! The Vice Chief Commander of the Punishment Force-"

"I think you are making those extra titles up" Grimmjow interjected, deadpanning, but Omaeda was not deterred.

"- and if you think I shall lose to you-"

"Again."

"Then you have not realized my position of honor and strength! I will fell all who oppose me, as is my right and my ability as the –"

"Omaeda," a low, female voice rang out into the hallway, "Shut up."

Mara's eyes widened as the mountain in front of her seemed to crumble under the dark gaze of this small woman. "Y-yes, Captain," he managed to squeak out before she disappeared back behind her door with a slam.

"I see she is still as intense as ever," Grimmjow muttered, pulling Mara closer to him by her elbow.

"Yeah," Omaeda practically whispered, "And this is her in a good mood with Lady Yoruichi being able to visit consistently."

"Who was that?" Mara asked Grimmjow in a low voice.

Omaeda turned, finally noticing the diminutive woman now tucked against Grimmjow's side. "That is the Captain of Squad 2, Leader of the Stealth Force and Chief Commander of the Punishment Force, Soi Fon! How do you not know one of the most feared women in- wait a second…" Omeada went quiet, flicking his eyes to Grimmjow he asked, "Is this her?"

"Yeah," Grimmjow said, draping a possessive arm over her shoulder, "This is Mara."

Mara could feel the tenseness grow in Grimmjow's muscles as he introduced her to the man who she assumed may be something close to a friend. Despite their banter, Grimmjow seemed ready and coiled for an attack against this mountain. It would seem impossible to overcome a behemoth like Omaeda, she thought, but hadn't they said that Grimmjow could beat him? He already had… Mara leaned in a touch closer to hollow guarding her and felt safer propped against his strength.

Omaeda's eyes widened and he swooped her hand up, pressing his greasy lips to her knuckles. "No one told me that you were such a vision to behold!" he exclaimed in a stage whisper. "I am Omaeda Marechiyo," he said, pointing a beefy thumb at his large chest, "And if you ever want to be taken out and truly treated like a queen, you need only come to me! My family is one of the wealthiest in Seretei and I will show you sights and take you places you have never beheld!"

Mara gave a wobbly grin, unsure how to respond but Grimmjow wrapped the man's wrist in a tight grip. "Let go, or you lose the arm just like your captain," he growled menacingly.

"Oh, that's right," Omaeda said with an odd look in his eye, staring hard at Grimmjow, "She is promised to your captain. Huh."

Grimmjow stared hard back at him for an extended moment before breaking back into his trademark grin as Omaeda released her hand. "Sure," he answered back with an easy shrug.

Omaeda continued to watch Grimmjow, fixing his pointed stare at Grimmjow's protective hold around Mara's shoulders. It only made her want to cave into Grimmjow's embrace more.

"You know Omaeda is harmless, Grimmjow," came a lilting, musical voice hidden behind Omaeda, "He doesn't know how to react when faced with beauty. I, on the other hand, am well versed in dealing with those who share the trait." A dark headed figure stepped out from behind the large man in front. Decorative feathers framed his wide, purple eyes. His orange turtleneck came up to frame his androgynous face that was perfectly symmetrical, only offset by an artful braid on one side. "After all, I have to see myself in the mirror every day," he said with a hair flip.

He studied Mara for a moment before continuing, "Indeed you are beautiful. I am Ayasegawa Yumichika and we must do something about that frumpy robe."

Mara's hands rose to clench the robe more tightly around her, uncomfortable with the attention. She mentally thanked Grimmjow as he growled out, "Robe stays."

"Leave them alone, Yumichika," another voice ground out as a man with a head as clean as a cue-ball stepped out beside him, "This is not the place to discuss fashion."

"Any place is suitable to discuss how to highlight one's beauty," Yumichika replied haughtily with his nose in the air.

Finally cracking a real smile, Grimmjow removed his arm from Mara's shoulder to greet the men. "Ikkaku!" he laughed out, "Yumichika… what are you guys doing here?"

"Lamenting the fact that that ugly bone cannot be removed from your otherwise perfect face," Yumichika replied, voice verging on despair.

Ikkaku rolled his eyes before answering. "I have been called back as the new lieutenant, and this one had to come back to be officially moved to third seat, so we are stopping missions for a little while," he explained, gesturing vaguely to the badge wrapped around his upper arm.

"I'm so excited to be 3!" Yumichika exclaimed, obscenely dancing in joy, "It's so perfect, so beautiful!"

Mara couldn't help the giggle that rose in her throat at his antics as both men shook their heads in horror.

"Lieutenant, eh? Congrats," Grimmjow said, "What happened to the little, pink-haired demon?"

Ikkaku's smile dropped and he scratched the back of his head uncomfortably. "Gone. That's all I know."

"Huh," Grimmjow said with a snort, "At least you are back so I can get a real fight in now and again."

Ikkaku's feral smile mirrored Grimmjow's own before he finally turned his attention on Mara. "Maderame Ikkaku. And you are?" he asked, extending his hand.

"Mara… Oliviera Mara," she stuttered out, juxtaposing her name as was custom. She reached out and briefly shook his hand.

"Nice to meet you," he said solemnly, as if he meant it, "So what are you doing here?"

"Well, I'm here with Shuu… Captain Hisagi and Grimmjow and, um… It's honestly a long story," she shrugged.

"Not that long," Omaeda said, showering crumbs as he stuffed another handful of something in his mouth, "She's engaged to Captain Hisagi. He brought her along because she has to be watched at all times. She came in all cookoo and -OW!"

Omaeda's stream was cut off by the yell as Grimmjow landed a hard punch to his kidneys. "Like she said, it's a long story," he told a now wide-eyed Ikkaku and Yumichika over Omaeda's bent form.

"You mean Hisagi is…" Ikkaku muttered.

"To her?" Yumichika asked, shocked, "But we all thought…"

"Yes. To her." Came a feminine voice. Her tone was icy in contrast to her looks.

Mara's eyes widened as they took in the new arrival. She was as tall as Yumichika, maybe taller, with long auburn hair that cascaded down her back in gentle waves. Her wide blue eyes were clear as a crystal lake and her perfectly bow-shaped mouth was only accented by the beauty mark placed perfectly on her face. Her face seemed to simply be the icing on the cake as her ample cleavage threatened to spill from her uniform top above a slim waist and hips. She was every man's wet dream. She looked like a goddess.

"Wipe the sneer off, Tits," Grimmjow growled at her.

The woman turned her imperious gaze on the espada, somehow looking down her nose at the taller man. "For the 478th time, Hollow, that is not my name," she sneered out before turning her scrutiny on Mara herself. "You must be… her."

The way she said it made Mara feel even smaller in this grand woman's presence, but she tried to swallow her insecurity. She held out her hand to the woman. "I'm… I'm Mara. Nice to meet you."

"Hmph. Matsumoto Rangiku, Lieutenant of the 10th division," she said before turning her back to walk to her place in line, ignoring Mara's proffered hand.

"Don't be like that!" Yumichika sighed, "Beauty should not fight amongst itself!"

Mara's shoulders dropped in defeat. _I guess I just met my first enemy, _she realized.

"She isn't always like this," Omaeda explained between handfuls, "She's just upset because she and Hisa-"

"Stop speaking now, pig, or I will kill you," Matsumoto said icily, glaring daggers at the other lieutenant.

Omaeda's face turned red as he turned back around to face the front, glaring into his bag of food. Mara hesitantly extended her hand to pat the big man's arm and offer him a small smile of comfort. Omaeda looked down in surprise before a warm smile graced his features. He patted her small hand before going back to munching happily from his bag.

"Mmm, look who's back," Matsumoto said in a low voice as all eyes turned to follow her gaze.

A tall captain with dark hair strode forward, silver/blue scarf wafting lazily around him. His hair was held by silver combs like a crown on his head and Mara had a faint feeling of recognizing him. He was the first captain in the garden she had landed in. Byakuya Kuchiki. She turned to Grimmjow to ask if she was right only to see that the espada had frozen. His tense arm was shaking as he reached out to push her close to Omaeda.

"No way…" Ikkaku murmured.

"How?" asked Yumichika softly, "Why?"

Following his line of vision she could finally see that it was the figure behind the captain that was holding the attention of everyone around her. The tall figure was hard to even Identify as a person but he loomed above the already tall captain in front of him. From this distance she couldn't make out many features but she could see that his deep crimson hair was woven into a long braid that fell over his shoulder and his body, and even part of his face, was covered in bandages.

"Abarai. Fuck." Grimmjow whispered to himself beside her.

She was unable to look any longer at the newcomer- Abarai?- as she was pushed up against Omaeda, who looked down in confusion. "I have to get my captain," Grimmjow said without looking away from the new man approaching, "Watch her." Grimmjow didn't wait for a response as he sonido'd to bang on a door far down the hallway.

Mara was suddenly very nervous at being left alone even though she could still see her protector not far away and she tuned worried eye to the big man next to her.

"Don't worry, Imoutosan [Little Sister}, I will make sure you are okay," Omaeda said kindly, patting her shoulder with a heavy hand, "I don't know what his problem is. It's just Abarai Renji finally coming back home."

"You sure know how to make a guy feel special," came a deep rasping voice.

"Renji!" Omaeda greeted him loudly, "You look like you should still be in the healers!"

"I can't stay cooped up," the man said harshly as he stepped around Omaeda to greet him face to face, "Now who has a prob-"

Mara looked up at the tall man as he froze in place, words dying on his lips as he saw her. She would swear his eyes would have opened wider if they could but one was covered completely by bandages that ran across his face and over his nose. The other was still swollen with green and black bruises that had just begun to fade. He also wore a white bandana that almost fully covered his forehead though she could see the bare edges of tattoos peeking out of the top and bottom. Tattoos resembling lightning bolts were visible on the sides of his neck and seemed to continue lower to his collarbones and chest, but they were also covered by bandages. The extensive wrappings went down both arms to his hands, covering all but his inked fingers.

"Ippin," he whispered in a tortured gasp.

Mara craned her neck back to look in the stranger's face. Dear god, he was even taller than Hisagi. He seemed vaguely familiar. The piercing eyes from her memories popped into her mind, but there was so much bandaging, so many bruises, that she just couldn't tell. The voice was different, just as deep but lacking strength. She couldn't help but stare at the stranger in confusion as he looked so intently at her. It was like he knew her.

Renji couldn't breathe. He couldn't think. He didn't know if he could take this anymore. He had been prepared to step back and let Mara find her own happiness, no matter how it killed him inside. He would leave on her pedestal with a more worthy man to worship her. He had not been prepared to see her today. The dark teal robe reminded him of the dress she had worn to the sea and their salt-laced first kiss. Her hair was still the multihued blue of the sea and heavens, apparently the color matched her soul. It was no surprise to him as he had seen the play of colors awash in her rietsu. She looked beautiful and full and healthy as she had when she was a Whole before…

_Please…_

No, it wasn't her appearance or even her presence that was breaking Renji apart. He swore if it wasn't for the bandages he may have shattered apart on this very floor. It was the look she was giving him. Where love once blazed in an inferno of intention, emptiness stared out. There was no warmth in her look, no spark of recognition, just cold confusion and a cruel curiosity.

_Please…_

Renji knew that everyone was probably watching but he didn't care as he croaked out her name again. "Ippin…" he pled, trying to infuse all that he was feeling into his call for her. He was begging her for recognition. He watched with a small shred of hope as her brows furrowed. She leaned closer, biting the edge of her lip as was her habit when she was thinking hard. The sharp tip of hope was poised to release his boundless joy…

_Please…_

"What… what is Ippin?" she asked softly.

Renji could feel the needle of hope instead turn to stab his heart. He gasped wildly as he tried to think of anything to sway her. She was right here! Not under protection, not hidden away, not out of sight! He knew he should leave her to her happy new life but he just couldn't do it.

"Lieutenant Abarai," he could hear Byakuya's deep voice calling him back.

Renji threw a dispassionate glare that practically screamed 'don't fuck with me right now' at his captain, who only responded by lowering his eyelids in annoyance, much to the other lieutenants' shock. Renji turned back to see Mara shifting her weight uncomfortably and rubbing absentmindedly on her wrist. Her left wrist. The tattoo!

Renji reached out and grabbed Mara's wrist, causing her to yelp. He was gentle, but his iron grasp peeled her arm away from her body so that he could confirm it was still there.

Even Matsumoto looked on in concern as he grabbed hold of the girl and bent her arm to where she could look at her own wrist.

Mara noticed from her peripherals that Omaeda's bag of food dropped forgotten to the ground as he wrapped Renji in his meaty palms. "Abarai!" he roared, preparing to yank the man away from Mara, but he never got the chance. Without turning to look, Renji landed a palm heal hit to Omeada's chest, effectively sending the huge lieutenant crashing into the far wall of the hallway.

Mara's eyes widened in fear. Was he why she had to be protected? While he was scaring the shit out of her, she couldn't read that he meant her harm on his face but…

"Do you know what this means?" he asked her in that intensely hoarse whisper, holding her small tattoo that she had yet to decipher in front of her face.

Mara darted fear laced eyes between her own arm and the fearsome visage in front of her. Her words stuck in her throat.

Renji took a deep breath, trying to calm himself from the panic and anger at the unfairness of it all. She looked… she looked SCARED! Scared of HIM! He gentled his expression, dropping his voice into a soft croon. "Come on, Ippin… do you know what this is?" he asked rubbing his thumb over her wrist as he bent down to graze her knuckles with his lips.

Mara's eyes widened as she tried frantically to figure out what he fuck was going on. His going from scaring her like hell to a gentle caress in less than a second was throwing her for a loop. She shook her head wordlessly in response and the large man sighed in front of her, nibbling his own broken lip as if in thought. Suddenly he reached over to the arm holding hers and began ripping away the bandages there with a growl.

No sooner than he had ripped through the first layer, Mara felt her arm yanked from Renji's grasp as she was twirled and set behind a large muscular body.

Grimmjow blazed into her vision in a blur of white and bright teal. His eyes glowed blue as he batted Renji's hand off her before ramming him with a shoulder. The taller man reeled backwards from the hit to his bandaged chest before he looked up utter shock.

Renji watched in horror as an espada, an espada he was very familiar with, swept in between him and his Ippin in like a lightning strike. The horror grew as Grimmjow turned to reach Mara behind him. His hand came out to lift and cradle her chin as he appeared to look her over. The blood was pounding in his ears too loudly for him to hear what he was saying to her, but her eyes softened into a familiar warmth and she gave a small nod and smile. He watched as Grimmjow turned back to him with a smirk as Renji watched Mara scoot fully behind his opponent and lay a confirming hand on the shoulder of that monster.

Grimmjow could tell he had fucked Renji up while barely landing a blow and it had nothing to do with the man's pre-existing injuries. Destruction was so much more fun when it happened from the inside out. He smirked even wider as Mara responded to his order to stay behind him by sliding her affirmative touch from his shoulder to trail down his back in a gentle scratch that made him want to fucking purr. Even if Renji didn't see it, it was win for him all on its own.

As Renji stood there, mouth open, locked in surprise and horror, Grimmjow's shit-eating grin just grew wider until it finally jogged Renji from his stupor.

"Jaegerjaques!" he yelled, charging forward in a flash, "What the hell are you doing out of a cell?! Get the hell away from her!"

Grimmjow met him chest to chest as Mara cowered against a wall. "Oh you didn't hear?" he mocked, "I'm employed here now. What are you going to do about it?"

Renji blinked in disbelieve but after glancing at the faces around him, he realized it was true. They had let the monster out of the cage and given him a fucking job?! Renji's eyes darted around as hit mind flew to chaos. He could see Mara hiding behind the monster whose literal soul was missing while he begged for her to see him. Motherfucking espada causing yet another problem. She was supposed to be with Hisagi! Protected by Hisagi! Instead she was traipsing around and being protected by an espada just like the one that separated them in the first place.

With a roar, Renji saw red and lunged at Grimmjow, aiming for his face. Renji was slowed by his physical state, however and Grimmjow had ample time to parry the blow. He latched onto Renji's extended arm and swung him bodily around, slamming him into a support.

Renji's reaction time wasn't doused at all however and no sooner had he landed than he grabbed a trident from the guard next to where he had landed, launching it Grimmjow. As the espada deflected the incoming weapon, Renji charged him, catching Grimmjow open and plowing him backwards.

Grimmjow was prepared and quickly shifted his feet and center of gravity, using Renji's own momentum to send him flipping over his hip. He was not prepared for Renji to have grown so damn strong since the last time he had seen him, however, as Renji didn't release his grip on Grimmjow's waist. Instead Renji pulled Grimmjow over him using his own body weight as a lever to send Grimmjow rocketing away from him. The espada skidded to a stop, letting out a roar of his own as he leapt, mirroring Renji, back into the fray. Neither man was prepared to be yanked bodily out of the air by multiple sets of hands and slammed against opposite walls.

"What the hell is going on?" Ikkaku yelled as he held back one of Renji's arms.

"Just hold him!" Yumichika growled back from his other arm as Omaeda pinned Renji's waist. Ikkaku's eye's widened as he watched Renji's tensed biceps strain so hard that the bandages began to tear from them.

Matsumoto and another lieutenant worked to hold back the raging espada who's eyes glowed with malice. Multiple guards surrounded him, the tips of their spears and tridents pressing against his tough flesh to keep him in place.

Byakuya walked calmly between the two men, pulling his sword from its sheath at his waist.

_No… _Mara thought as she watched on in horror. She could see wisps of red and blue mingling in the air, at odds with each other even in their graceful swirling, but she couldn't move, couldn't speak. It was like all the air had been sucked out of her lungs. Her legs collapsed out from under her as she broke out into a cold sweat. She could hear the low rumble of Byakuya's voice from what felt like so far away. This needed to stop. Hisagi needed to stop this. She couldn't hear herself as she screamed out his name over and over again, finally lapsing into whimpering, "Otto… Hisagi… Otto…"

"For raising your hand against a member of the 13 Court Guard Squads, Grimmjow Jaegerjaques," Byakuya said disapassionately, "I shall put you to death."

_No!_

"Scatter, Senbonzakura."

_Senbonzakura…._

**Mara felt like the floor had dropped out from under her until she realized that she was sitting a metal chair, a magazine open on her lap. She didn't look up as she asked "Senbonzakura?", rolling the unfamiliar word around on her tongue as she tried to pronounce it right.**

**"Yup," the deep voice replied. She could see tattooed fingers playing with a delicate thread anklet on her ankle, feet raised up to rest on a thick, well-muscled thigh.**

**She turned the page of the magazine. Her arms were so heavy. "A thousand flowers doesn't really strike fear into one's heart. Sorry," she said with a shrug.**

**She was rewarded with a deep laugh and a light flick on her converse clad foot. "A thousand small blades that shine like flower petals, able to cut from any angle, flowing too fast to fend off, is a bit too long for one name, Ippin."**

_Ippin._

**"No one can block it and none survive," he concluded.**

**"You did," Mara said warmly.**

**"Tch, yeah, I did," the voice purred, "and it resulted in the first sign of respect I ever got from the man."**

_Senbonzakura… no one can block it and none survive._

"NO!" Mara screamed as she saw the pink petals launch into the air headed toward Grimmjow. She didn't notice that every movement except the pieces of sword had stopped in the room as all eyes fixed on her. She didn't notice that her rietsu had made the leap from nothing to a tidal wave that seemed to douse the room. All she knew was that she had to get to Grimmjow. He was her protector, her friend, her… She had to save him.

Mara launched from her position and the next thing she new she was in front of Grimmjow, a small cut on her cheek beginning to leak blood from where a petal had brushed across her cheek. She crashed into the shocked espada and wrapped her arms around his neck, clinging to him.

"Makenai Hito… No. I can't lose you, I won't!" she sobbed against his neck.

The press of Mara against him, her desperate words, knocked Grimmjow from his shock. She had moved so fast on just a single wave of rapidly suppressed rietsu… Freeing his arms easily from his shocked captors, Grimmjow wrapped himself around her in return. "I got you, I'm still here," he said gently even as his bright eyes tracked the unrelenting course of the pieces of Senbonzakura heading their way.

In the blink of an eye, Grimmjow gave up the fight and opted instead to save the girl. He pressed her face into his shoulder and spun with Mara clinging to his front, crouching down to press her into the corner of the wall. He pulled her arms from around his neck, pushing her into a ball, sheltered by as much of his body as he could. "Don't look, Yumekanua, please don't look," he whispered.

"Grimm," she whispered as she began to feel his body jerk above her.

"Why did you try to protect me?" he asked her in soft gasps laden with pain.

"You're… my friend? I don't know, I just can't lose you," she answered loudly, speaking past the now howling wind within the storm of flower petals. She was beginning to feel a trickling of blood drip down her shoulder from Grimmjow above her. She could barely hear what sounded like frantic yelling outside the sphere of blades.

"Yumekanau," Grimmjow panted in her ear, "means dream come true. "You are… you…"

Mara wanted to see him, wanted to comfort him. She tried to move her head to see him but Grimmjow's strength wasn't gone yet. He held her still under him even as his weight began to sag against her.

"Don't… look," he whispered softly.

"I tried to save you because… because…" Mara stuttered over her words as she felt Grimmjow's breaths coming in shallow, stuttering gurgles, "Dammit!" She couldn't help the sob caught in her throat. "I tried to save you because I know it was you that saved me, who kissed me."

Grimmjow's finger moved gently against her hair as she cried into his chest.

"You… you… you tasted like hot summer nights and darkness and I loved it. Your arms felt like home and… I've only ever seen your face go soft for me alone. I know its stupid but its just an overwhelming feeling that you are an inevitable part of my heart.

Grimmjow pressed quivering lips, wet with blood to Mara's ear, pressing a kiss to her temple. "Koi no yokan, Yumekanau."

"Yes. Koi no yokan."

No sooner had the words left her mouth that the onslaught of blades stopped. Mara raised her eyes to see Hisagi standing above them wielding two rapidly spinning scythes. A thin trickle of blood ran down his face and right arm but he was keeping the petals at bay with the wind currents from his weapons alone.

Byakuya held the hilt of his sword, reforming it from the petals. "You can't just take someone who should be a prisoner and spare them due punishment."

"I did before," Hisagi said stoically, "I will do so again."

Returning Kazeshini to its sheath, he strode purposefully over to Grimmjow's huddled and bloody figure.

Renji could do no more than watch with wretched eyes as Hisagi pulled his Ippin from under the espada that had protected her with his life. He thought she was gone when she raced into the storm of Byakuya's blade. He had screamed for him to stop but he had done nothing, shocked into stillness.

Grimmjow had acted. Grimmjow had taken every hit directly but still didn't move. She had tried to save him and he had succeeded in saving her where Renji had failed over and over again. He watched as Mara finally saw the carnage Grimmjow had shielded her from, tears coming to her eyes and her hand flew to her mouth.

Griimjow reached out a hand to the girl, which she stooped down and held. "Please, don't look, Yume…" he managed to garble out. He was still trying to save her even then from the nightmares that would come.

He saw Omaeda rise and help to gingerly lift the torn and bloody espada onto Hisagi's shoulders in a fireman's carry. Mara never let go of his hand as they walked away wordlessly from the group, turning shy eyes to Hisagi to make sure it was ok.

Otto. Renji realized what she had said. She had called him otto. _God dammit._

Walking beside Hisagi, Mara didn't let go of Grimmjow's hand even as his blood flowed down her arm, just as Hisagi never faltered in his carrying even as his haori was dyed red with blood. Both were stoic, both were silent and lost in thought. And both were shocked and dismayed as the cheering of the crowd, that was still gathered in the courtyard, turned rabid at the sight of the bloody espada.

"There's really nothing we can say to them?" Mara asked Hisagi. "This is madness, this is wrong, Otto. He saved me!"

"I know he did, Koibito," Hisagi said with sadness in his eyes, "but I am going to have enough of a hard time guarding him for today. We can't touch them and can't speak to them. I have to be in my position to keep fighting for him."

Mara looked deeply at Hisagi, seeing the struggle in his eyes. He really was trying so hard and fighting for those that needed it. Koi no yokan… she had said to Grimmjow that it was that overwhelming feeling that falling in love was inevitable, but she could see it reflected back plain as day in Hisagi, too. Was it possible to love both?

"Fine," Mara said, stopping her steps, Hisagi pausing beside her. "I'm guessing the punishment for a dress code violation is a lot less."

"There isn't one unless you are a student. It is just frowned upon," Hisagi replied.

"Good." With that Mara shrugged out of the long teal robe, exposing her scarred shoulders and now blood spattered white juban. Hisagi stooped down so Mara could tuck the robe around Grimmjow on his shoulders, shielding him from cruel eyes. She kissed Grimmjow's forehead gently as he groaned at her touch, then moved so Hisagi could stand up.

"Thank you for being so good," she said to Hisagi, cupping his cheek.

"I'm just sorry I couldn't stop it sooner," he said, bending to give Mara a quick kiss.

Mara grabbed back ahold of Grimmjow's limp hand and they left the stunned courtyard to only the sound of their own footsteps.


	27. Chapter 26: The Shadow's All Around

(A/N) I'm trying to keep the pace up as things pop in my head, so heres the next. I wanted to give a personal thank you to Sexta-Roronoa for the encouragement. You are singularly responsible for some of these chapters getting out with your kind words.

Sound track for the beginning of this chapter is definitely Haunted by Maty Noyes.

**Chapter 26**

Mara scrubbed at her already clean skin with a vengeance. The blood may be gone but it felt like it was still there in clotted rivulets running down her arms and side and back from where that life force had flowed from Grimmjow as he had protected her and in the aftermath. Her hands and arms were painted so thickly red that you couldn't even see the tattoos on her skin once she had helped to get the shredded man from Hisagi's shoulders and onto a bed in the infirmary.

His back, shoulders, neck and arms had looked like ground meat, bone showing through in many places. Mara had to keep herself from retching as she remembered the sight and scrubbed harder at her own skin as if she could wash away the memory. She was the one that leapt on him and he, in turn, had saved her. Again. This time at the expense of himself.

Hisagi had explained to her that he would heal fast. She understood his hierro more now and knew, by the blessing of Grimmjow simply being Grimmjow, that he wasn't dead when anyone else would have been, but it made her feel no better. Tears pricked her eyes as she ran the sponge over already raw skin, but not at the pain. Maybe she deserved the pain. Today gave her a glimpse inside Grimmjow's mind that she doubted she would ever get to see again.

_Yumekanau. Dream come true. _

Finally admitting to herself that the water would only continue to run clear, Mara dropped the sponge and curled into a ball against the far side of the tub. She continued to hold back tears as she desperately tried to gather the errant thoughts in her head but it seemed to bring no peace, just like her vigorous washing had failed to cleanse her soul.

_Don't look, Yumekanau. Please don't look._

Grimmjow's pained plea replayed through her head like a broken record. He had not only saved her body but had tried to save her mind. He had tried to spare her from this feeling she was having right now. Her heart swelled with pride in the man she could see that he was- even as it collapsed knowing why she was Yumekanau. Dream come true… but only a dream.

_Koi no Yokan. Koi…Koi… Koibito._

Following the circle that had been reeling in her head for hours, Mara's thoughts shifted to the captain that had saved them. Hisagi was so different from Grimmjow… but so alike. He hadn't wavered in his steps at all as he picked up the espada and left the building. While she didn't know the whole story of how Grimmjow came to be under Hisagi's leadership she knew enough to realize that this was not the first time that Hisagi had defied all the rules to do what was right. His rebellious nature and dark determination were focused and honed to do good.

Even in the midst of his goodness, Mara knew there would be a price to pay for it. She shuddered as she curled into herself, but not from the rapidly cooling water. No. She hated to think what price be demanded for the events of the day by the powers that be. Her price for safety was being controlled through marriage. She had a feeling it was only sheer luck that she had managed to be linked to a truly good man who did not seek that kind of control. However, if her price was that steep as a Whole, who was meant to be protected, then what would the price be for an espada? What now would Hisagi have to do for a fight that his squad member hadn't even begun?

_Ippin._

The bandaged man- Abarai- had kept calling her Ippin. Anger rose at the thought of him. If he hadn't grabbed her, if he hadn't disabled Omaeda (scarily easily, she might add), if he hadn't latched on to her for some strange reason, none of this would have happened. Mara's tears dried and anger filled her more fully at how this was that man's fault… but the anger didn't hold. It couldn't hold because there had been something in his look, a pleading in his voice that had called to her like a siren song.

That was why she hadn't pulled away herself, right? When she looked back- past her fear in the moment- at the look in his eye… she knew that if she had just pulled away he would have let her go. When she first began to replay everything in her mind on repeat, she had thought she hadn't pulled away because fear had paralyzed her like some weakling who would pee in terror or some shit. But no. That wasn't it, she had come to realize. She didn't pull away because she didn't want to.

Her memory had explained why. This Abarai had known her. There was no mistaking the large tattooed hands that had played with her anklet as the same that had thrown the spear at Grimmjow. The description of Senbonzakura was too accurate about the man who was Abarai's captain. And the man in the memory had called her Ippin.

_Jewel; Gem; Article of rare beauty._

While she was fairly positive, she couldn't be sure that his were the eyes she saw in her dreams. Maybe he wasn't who loved her. The nickname indicated some sort of feeling. Maybe- maybe he was but she refused to let her mind go down that path right now. She wanted answers. She wanted to fix whatever was wrong so the two men she cared about most could quit sacrificing…. Well, everything for her. Their freedom, their flesh…

The images of Grimmjow's mangled form being cheered at the Academy made Mara press her fist to her mouth to suppress the sob that threatened to escape her. She could see her arm raised, channeling his flowing blood down onto her own body as she refused to let go of his hand in the face of the heartless masses. Mara reached for the sponge again, her reeling mind focused only on cleaning the blood off herself. She was covered in his blood.

Before she could begin to scour another layer of skin off her body, though, a large hand came around her own and stilled her frantic movements. Deft fingers peeled the sponge from her grasp as concerned gray eyes met her own. Hisagi's face was drawn in an expression of abject sadness as he looked down on Mara who was putting herself through her own mental hell. He did not know if he could pull her out of it. He did not know if she would even want him to be the one to do it.

Hisagi had not missed the heated looks that Grimmjow had levelled on Mara throughout the day when he thought they weren't looking. It explained the combat instructor's disappearances over the past week. The warmth that had infused the espada's eyes was a foreign look in the hard man who normally only seemed to delight in the suffering of others. Hisagi knew that Grimmjow could possibly even extend that cruelty to him as well, though it was kept carefully hidden if it was there. Yumekanau, he had heard him call her. She was Grimmjow's dream come true. Did she know that?

He couldn't fault Grimmjow for falling for Mara. Hadn't he himself been swept up in her upon the first moment of meeting her? Hadn't he fallen in love with her even more quickly? He wanted to believe it a cruel ploy designed by the espada to take down the heart of him but Grimmjow's own actions said otherwise. The one who knew nothing of sacrifice for another had done just that, taking a punishment that few other could have stood to save this precious woman. He had begged her to not even look to avoid this result right here. That action alone would have been remarkable for Grimmjow, a testament to the depths of his feelings.

His mind in a storm of pain, Hisagi looked back down at the shaking figure huddled in a ball as she tried to seemingly divest herself of her own skin. His heart had welled with pride as the small woman had removed her own cloak to cover the espada on the walk out, her own silent defiance to injustice. She had not shirked or weakened at Grimmjow's blood spilling over her with each definitive step as she doggedly maintained a hold on his hand. But she had not looked at Hisagi again. She clung to the espada and seemingly released him in the process.

He hadn't known what to say or how to ask what was in her mind. He was scared to know the answer to the direction her heart had chosen in those fateful moments. Was it strength or weakness to withdraw for her to find her own path? Was it strength or weakness that made him want to fight for her decision to swing in his favor? Was this still even his own righteous fear propelling him?

"Shuuhei…"

Yanked from his thoughts, Hisagi looked down into wide black and amber eyes that sucked him in all over again.

"Shuu," Mara gasped out with a shaking sob, "I can't- I can't get the blood off."

Mara had reached out to cling to him. Her eyes pled for help from him still. Hisagi brutally slashed at his own insecure feelings as he wordlessly added a fresh bucket of warm water to the bath. He desperately ignored her form under the water that called to him. He wanted nothing more than to continue their beautiful morning, but he held himself ruthlessly in check. Even as his muscles strained against his will, his touch was gentle.

"Lean forward," he said in a soft, strained voice, "I will get where you cannot reach."

Watching with wide eyes, Mara did as he asked as he dipped the sponge in the warm water and brought it down in gentle strokes on her back. Her sobs dissolve into sniffles as he gently gathered her hair out of the way. Worry over modesty and scars and tattoos disappeared as he kneaded her shoulders gently with one hand while wiping away the pain in her heart with another.

"You have more tattoos," he murmured, tracing his finger along the delicate lines where they wound from her shoulder blades. "They are beautiful," he remarked, hoping to draw her out from within herself."

"They are," she replied after a minute, surprising him, "I don't know why I got them, but they make me feel better when I look at them. The rising phoenix I can only assume was for strength and resiliency. The cherry blossoms…" Mara's voice became garbled again.

_One thousand cherry blossoms. Senbonzakura._

"They- they used to bring me peace."

"I'm sorry I asked, Koi. I didn't mean-" Hisagi trailed off, taking a deep breath and focusing instead on rinsing Mara's long hair.

After a long minute, Hisagi finally set down the cup he had been using for her hair and leaned his hands heavily on the rim of the tub. He didn't know if he could do this. There was a fight to come and all he could feel was his heart breaking as Mara sobbed, utterly exposed in from of him, for another man. His eyes shut tightly Hisagi tried to remove himself into his own mind, away from the pain in his heart and the stress that was to come. Away from the mermaid in the tub whose tears rained on his very soul.

So deep in thought that he hadn't heard the rippling of the water, Hisagi jolted his eyes open as a small, wet hand cupped his cheek. Mara's eyes gazed gently into his even as they were red rimmed from tears. He studied her face, the warmth that shone through her wet eyes as she looked at him. He missed the flash of concern on her face as he removed himself from her touch, face like stone, and rose to get her a towel.

Hisagi draped it around her and turned while she dried and dressed before leading her out into the hallway. He said nothing as he wrapped his arm around her waist, still unable to look at her but noting her faltering, exhausted steps, nonetheless. Steeling his will, He opened the door and guided Mara to the futon in the room where Grimmjow had been laid for recovery.

"I thought," he said through gritted teeth, finally daring to cast a glance at her, "that you may prefer to be here."

Mara grabbed his hand, meeting his eyes with an almost angry confusion. "Why are you looking at me like that, Otto?" she asked him.

Hisagi's eyes widened at the endearment that he had thought would be gone and he allowed himself to be pulled down onto the futon next to Mara. He clasped her hand in both of his, raising her knuckles to his lips as he let out the breath he didn't realize had had been holding. He glanced at Mara whose gaze had again shifted to the figure in the bed, but her tight grip on his hand did not waver.

"Those dressings are going to need to be changed soon. He is bleeding through them," she said softly.

"He will be ok, Koi," Hisagi stated with slightly more strength than he had before.

"I know," Mara said distractedly, before turning her heavy gaze on Hisagi himself, "but will you?"

Hisagi stared at their linked hands in silence for a long moment, unable to look in her eyes as he finally whispered, "I don't know. This is going to be a fight, Koi, one I don't know if I can win and I am fearful of the result."

Mara remained silent before tugging his hand to the side and sliding deftly to straddle his lap. On instinct, Hisagi's arms wrapped around her as she clung to him. "Fear," she whispered in his ear, sending chills down his spine, "can drive us. Fear can even make us do things completely out of character to attain what we need."

Hisagi drew back to look at Mara as she repeated his own words back to him.

"What do you need, Otto?"

Hisagi could resist her pull no longer as he crashed his lips into Mara's as an answer. He needed her- god! How he fucking needed her. Mara was pliant in his arms, opening up to him immediately. He raised his hands to frame her face, weaving his fingers in the damp tendrils of her hair, keeping her locked against his seeking mouth.

Her hands found their way inside his uniform top again, soft fingers perusing his strong shoulders and down his chest. He gasped against her mouth as she travelled her hands lower to loop in the waistband of his pants, pulling her hips firmly against his own.

"Otto…"

A whispered groan against his mouth drove Hisagi onward through his fear. He pulled away, gasping for air and courage as he looked at Mara. "You," he said lowly, having a hard time meeting her eyes, "I need you."

Wrapping her hands in his hair, Mara looked at him with confidence. "Done," she affirmed.

Hisagi's eyes were inexplicably drawn to the bed and its prostrate figure before being dragged back to Mara's expectant face. "I need… my friend," he admitted slowly. _Even if it kills me, _he added mentally, taking in the sigh of the woman glowing with pride in him sitting on his lap.

Pressing another quick kiss to his lips, Mara leaned to settle her head against his solid chest, making it clear that she had no intention of moving. They wrapped their arms around each other and finally spent a moment of companionable silence together. "So," Mara murmured against his chest, "What's the plan?"

.

.

Hisagi lay awake in the dark of pre-dawn, arms wrapped tight around Mara. They had talked into the wee hours of the morning about what had to be done and how to handle it. Her insight and competence made her a valued sounding board. She tended to think 3 steps ahead of their moves like someone puzzling out an intense game of chess.

Her observational skills led to her being steps ahead of him as well, cutting of his bouts of insecurity and worry before they could begin. He had begun to actually feel confident in his decisions in a way he hadn't since before the war. Since his trust in everything had been shattered.

Still, though, he had not had the confidence to bring up the elephant in the room, at least in his mind. Grimmjow was still out cold, most likely from blood loss. His bandages had been changed once in the night by Hanataro. The surprisingly spunky shinigami was the only one bold enough to approach the espada, who growled like a wounded tiger even as he was unconscious. Hanataro had used his zanpakuto to stem the bleeding, but traditional kido healing would not work. It was still going to be a comparatively long process of healing for the man.

Hisagi wanted him to get better. He found he valued Grimmjow in his life now that he had to face that he could be taken and killed, or worse. He couldn't help but fear his recovery, however. Unlike the fear of the blade one wields or fear of something to drive one on, this fear was selfish and heartbreaking and had everything to do with the woman laying in his arms. As if on cue to his thoughts, Mara murmured something in her sleep, nuzzling more deeply into his chest.

With a touch no heavier than the breeze, Hisagi swept the errant strands of hair from her face. He wanted to cradle and touch and kiss her, but he wanted to let the exhausted woman rest. He sighed lightly, fixing his eyes up at the ceiling when he heard her whisper his name gently.

"Shuu," she groaned out more insistently.

"Hmm?" he rumbled lowly, moving to pet her hair gently.

"Ask me what you want to ask me," she said sleepily, "It's clearly keeping you awake."

Hisagi's eyes shot wide open as he looked down at Mara who was raising a speculative brow in his direction. Her dark gaze bore into his but Hisagi couldn't bear it. He shot a look over at the sleeping espada. "I think he loves you," he commented instead.

"Love is an awfully strong word, Shuu," Mara replied not breaking her gaze on him.

"But if he did," Hisagi probed, "What would you do?"

_How would you feel? _The unasked question hung in the air.

"Shuuhei," Mara said, raising her head to set her chin on her hand where it lay across his heart. He watched her as she processed how to answer both questions that lingered between them. "What do I call you?" she asked him instead.

"Otto," he answered her, brows knitting in confusion as he tried to see where she was going with this.

"I don't remember love, Otto. I don't know what it feels like and I don't know how to make sense of it. I don't know what I feel for Grimmjow right now, and I am so very sorry for that. I wish I could give you the answer that I know you want to hear," Mara explained, glancing at the man in the bed before looking back to Hisagi, "But you Are Otto. My Otto. And that isn't changing."

He could read the truth in her expressive eyes, Hisagi realized as she gave him a wavering grin that he couldn't help but return. He pulled her up and kissed her gently, loving the press of her body on his and how her hand seemed to instinctively drift up hie chest to cradle his jaw like she just wanted to hold him close. He could live with Otto for now, but he steeled in himself a firm resolve. He would have her heart.

They pulled apart from each other when a light knock at the door interrupted their moment. They didn't jolt, though. They had been expecting it.

Hisagi disentangled himself from Mara and rose to answer the door even as his eyes lingered on the small woman who seemed to be piling her own hidden strength into him. He opened the door and was surprised to see Kira facing him, looking even more melancholy than usual.

"They have requested your presence Immediately for an emergency captains meeting regarding yesterday's events," Kira relayed.

"Yeah, I know," Hisagi sighed out, as he reached for his blood soaked haori which hung behind the door.

"They- they are requesting you bring both Grimmjow and Mara with you," he added with sorrow in his voice."

Hisagi paused in his movements, looking hard at Mara. "You sure about this?" he asked her cryptically.

Mara set her mouth in a tight line and gave him a hard nod.

Hisagi looked at Kira with eyes hardened to steel. "Then they are going to dislike me even more than I expected," he drawled, stepping out into the hallway, shutting and locking the door behind him. Mara couldn't hear the words but she could fee the air practically sizzle in the room as he planted a protective kido around it before walking away.

Mara dragged a chair next to Grimmjow's bed, reaching out to hold his limp hand where it hung over the side. She could hear the tramping of feet outside and in the hallway as the entirety of squad 9 formed a defensive position around the infirmary. Looking out the window, she could see the rows of troops revealed in the pale morning light and a blood-soaked captain striding alone out of the gate.


	28. Chapter 27: You Look Like Yourself But

(A/N) Hisagi's mind soundtrack reels through Sage Francis- Seal Lions, The Tillers- Revolution Row, and The Twilight Singers- Be invited

**Chapter 27**

Kira watched with wary eyes as Hisagi sealed the room before walking out of the infirmary ahead of him. It had been a long time since he had seen that look on his old friend's face; the look of going into battle. More importantly, the look of one who will win or die trying. His stone face and flint eyes were only heightened by the blood soaked haori cloaking his shoulders. For all the fear Hisagi seemed to hold within in, it amazed Kira how unaware he was of the fear that he inspired.

_Or perhaps he is aware_, Kira thought with a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach as he watched the rows of shinigami pour out to fall into rank around the infirmary. Hisagi looked ready for war because he was. All this for a hollow and a girl he had known for a few weeks?

"Hisagi!" Kira panted after him as he worked to catch up with the taller man's brisk pace.

Hisagi didn't turn to look at him as he continued marching quickly toward the Captain's Hall. His face didn't shift from the stone he had set it in.

"God dammit, Hisagi," Kira muttered, grabbing Hisagi by the arm and halting his steps, "what are you doing?"

Looking down at the other man, Hisagi's unreadable expression maintained. "What has to be done," he replied stoically, beginning his long strides again.

"No, you are being crazy," Kira countered, stepping in front of him again. "You pulled your troops out like you are preparing to fight Seireitei itself."

"I am hoping it doesn't come to that," Hisagi stated sadly, "I will not wage a war against Seireitei, but I will defend against injustice."

"Defend what? Her- a girl you barely know? HIM?" Kira asked doubtfully.

Finally an emotion flickered across Hisagi's face as Kira watched him. A flash of anger and then overwhelming… disappointment. "I see you don't understand either," he muttered sadly, stepping around Kira.

Jogging to catch back up to Hisagi's long, fast strides, Kira couldn't fight the worry in his voice. "I am your friend, Hisagi. I am just trying to look out for you," he sighed with exasperation.

"We," Hisagi emphasized as he motioned a long finger back and forth between he and the blonde, "don't need protecting. They do!" He motioned his thick arm in a broad sweep toward the rukongai nestled against the boarder of Seireitei's thick walls. "They all do!" Hisagi continued, hastening his steps even more.

"So you are going to do that by being a martyr for change?" Kira asked, unable to keep the sharp edge from his voice.

"If that's what it takes, yes," Hisagi growled.

"This is not how we were taught, Hisagi," Kira pled with him, "We are supposed to protect Seireitei, to bring peace, to uphold the justice of this-"

"We were taught wrong!" Hisagi finally roared, turning to face Kira. "My friend," he croaked out, voice thick with emotion, "Look at who our teachers were. Look at what they did! I don't give a fuck about their reasonings; the fact is that they were WRONG. Gin didn't care about collateral damage, including you. Tousen- Tousen was so wrapped up in his vision of perfect peace and bringing justice that he blinded himself to those left tortured outside his bubble. We were taught wrong. And I am going to right it. Or at least right… something."

Kira couldn't help but stand in shock, a familiar melancholy weighing down his heart. Sure, Hisagi was acting crazy, but… was he wrong? He wanted to think Hisagi was just twisted by his present company in Squad 9 but Kira just could not think of a single comeback to the point Hisagi just laid out. He watched Hisagi's back as he walked away from him before finally flash stepping to catch up with him at the door.

Hisagi slanted a mildly curious look over to Kira, eyebrow raised in question.

Nodding in silent assent, Kira turned to face the door. Insanity or not, he would stand with his friend. "What are you going to do?" he asked softly.

"Hopefully, throw them off balance."

"How?"

Hisagi's skin tingled as he remembered the feel of Mara's soft breath tickling his ear as her warmth had settled on his lap, his refrain being issued back to him the night before. "Do something out of character," he said with a smirk as he shoved the large doors open before them, causing them to bang against the walls and drawing everyone's startled eyes to the door frame.

Hisagi sauntered- with a fucking swagger- into the room even as his face was still carved into a fierce frown. Wide eyes followed his blood-soaked form as he approached the center of the room. He noted with a practiced disinterest that many Lieutenants were in attendance as well, and even Ikakku and Yumichika… witnesses. They were going to try to hold a trial. _A literal mockery of justice,_ he thought, fighting the anger that welled in him.

"Captain Hisagi Shuuhei!" Genryusai's voice rang out, shocking everyone present back to alertness, "You are here for questioning and…" The old man stopped speaking as he saw that the only figure following the captain causing the spectacle was Kira.

_This is it, _Hisagi mentally prepped himself, taking a deep breath. "Yes," he said in a bored tone, "And?"

While expressions across the room began to form into anger, shock, and even grins at the rude answer, Genryusai's eyes focused instead on Kira. "Kira Izuru!" he ground out, making the blonde gasp at the pressure of his penetrating gaze, "You were ordered to tell him to bring the espada and the girl!"

Hisagi stepped in front of the younger man, taking the weight of Genryusai's ire on himself. Much to the surprise of many of the observant eyes in the room, Hisagi didn't even flinch under the weight. "Oh, he did," Hisagi said lightly, his protective stance not lost on the old man he faced, "I refused."

Scattered gasps peppered the room as Genryusai narrowed his eyes at the young captain. "Then we will decide their fate without them here," he spat out, the threat in his tone readily apparent. "The first order of business is that Captain of the 6th Division, Byakuya Kuchiki, has brought charges against the espada, Grimmjow Jaegerjaques, for attacking a member of the Gotei 13 which would nullify any arrangement you have with him and result in a sentence of death."

The crowd turned to Hisagi in anticipation of his response. They weren't sure what to expect from the normally quiet and controlled man. He was different today, that was for sure. There was a hardness in his eyes that he swept lazily around the room that seemed to chill the very air around them.

Hisagi took in the minute details of those in the room, trying to gauge what he was up against. There were more friendly faces than he had expected honestly. Some he had expected, like Ukitake, but others surprised him. He could see Omaeda even give him an imperceptible nod of approval, like he was prepared to stand with him. He noticed the anger too. Most of the captains seemed annoyed at his lack of decorum but not irate. No, it was his friend that emanated rage in waves that were palpable. Renji.

He would deal with that later, Hisagi knew, as he settled his roaming gaze on the impassive face of the captain of the 6th. Channeling their least favorite individual with uncanny accuracy, Hisagi leaned back on his heels and shoved his hands in his pockets. Tilting his head slightly, Hisagi let a downright predatory grin slide across his face. He mentally thanked Grimmjow for the years of lessons in how not to act like you give a fuck as he saw Byakuya's eyes widen just a fraction. In that fraction Hisagi found hope. He chuckled lowly, watching as a wary confusion entered Byakuya's eyes. "I'll bet he has."

.

.

If it didn't hurt, Grimmjow would swear he was in a dream. That was only explanation he could think of as to why he had opened his eyes to a ruffled mass of multicolored blue hair. He raised his head slightly, his neck burning but shit, the sight was so worth it. Faint morning light drifted in the window beside him, bathing Mara's porcelain features in an ethereal glow where her head lay near his on the bed. She had leaned over from the chair where she was perched and fallen asleep with her fingers intertwined with his.

He didn't want to move, but her peaceful face called to him and he gingerly lifted his hand from hers to sweep away the stray hairs that had fallen across her face. He fitted his hand back over hers as her eyes fluttered open. Slowly, Mara moved her head to look at him and he could feel the familiar jolt of warmth go through his body as her dark eyes locked on his bright teal ones. She seemed surprised to be greeted with his alert gaze. A smile spread across her full lips and Grimmjow's heart skipped a beat.

"You're awake," she whispered, relief flooding her voice.

"Of course I'm awake," Grimmjow grumbled, "You think that fucker could kill me?"

Mara rolled her eyes as she sat up from the bed and rubbed her eyes, robbing Grimmjow of her hand and the closeness that he had been enjoying. She frowned slightly, casting him a look that was almost haunted, and Grimmjow's face softened.

"I told you not to look," he whispered, reaching his hand back toward her. He couldn't fight the spark of happiness inside him as she instinctively wove her fingers in his without even having to look down.

"I had no choice if I wanted to help you, Makenai Hito" she said with a strained voice, eyes drifting closed too late to block the sheen of moisture building in them. She shook her head as if clearing it, before looking down at him again with a small smile.

_One whom you can't lose, _Grimmjow thought with an inner smile, _It's a start, Yumekanau._

"It's almost morning," she stated with an odd firmness, "I need to change your bandages and clean your… wounds."

Grimmjow could feel the groan of dread flow from him like a living entity.

"Is the king going to be a baby about this?" Mara asked with a giggle as she brought over a bowl of water and supplies. "I don't want to do this anymore than you want it done, you know."

"Hanataro treated me, didn't he?" he growled out.

"Yeah he did," she replied in surprise, "how did you know? I could have sworn you were asleep…"

"I was, thank fuck," Grimmjow said with a grimace as he began to raise up on his arms, "but at least I know that it will get better once you get the bandages off. He treats them with healing kido to work from the outside, since he can't do it directly on me, after he uses his zanpakuto to work from the inside. Fucking burns like a bitch but it works."

"Stay down," Mara ordered gently as she pressed her cool hand to his back, pausing his efforts, "Please? Just until I make sure it's not going to hurt you to get up?"

Grimmjow shot her a glare over his shoulder but at the concern in her eyes, he lowered himself gingerly back down. That haunted look was back in her eye. It must have been pretty damn bad, he realized as he watched her face ease.

"So what happened after… this all happened?" Grimmjow asked, trying to keep Mara's mind from sinking back into worry as she began to peel away the bandages from his neck.

Glancing down at him, Mara began lifting away the wraps. "Shuuhei stopped Byakuya and carried you out," she said shortly, going back to her work.

"And?" Grimmjow studied her carefully.

Mara grimaced as she worked her way down the first layer of bandages. He could tell she wanted to avoid lifting the bottom layer. "And we brought you home," she said distractedly.

"Mara…" he growled at her avoidance.

Grimmjow could feel irritation rise in him as she ignored him and focused, stone-faced, on the task in front of her, but he couldn't find it in himself to be truly angry. Damn this woman for messing with his feelings, for giving him fucking feelings in the first place. Three weeks ago he would have smiled at fucking death and taken as many of them with him as possible. Now he had to face those eyes that melted his fucking brain.

He let her go on about her work on his back for a minute longer before trying again. "Yumekanau," he practically purred, satisfied to feel her hands still against him. He looked back at her again and saw that she had closed her eyes, head bowed with a tortured look on her face.

"Please don't, Grimm. Please," she whispered out on the verge of tears.

"Take off the bandages, quit delaying," he ordered her firmly.

Mara's misty eyes met his. He could tell she wanted to refuse. He knew that she didn't want to do this. He could see how she gritted her teeth with even the first layer. He was going to have to force her past this weakness of worry. He didn't break eye contact with her as he ordered again, "Take off the bandages, Mara."

She wanted to refuse even though she knew it was her job and she was going to have to anyways. Her own skin still hurt after the abuse that she gave it in the tub trying to clean the blood and trauma away, and she didn't want to face it again. Mara guessed it was a good thing that he wasn't trying to pry her feelings out of her now, but this was a hell of a trade-off in attentions.

"Trust me," Grimmjow rumbled in that same purr that made Mara's knees weak every time she heard it. "Take them off. Now."

With trembling fingers, Mara began to peel away the bottom layer of blood-soaked bandages to reveal smooth skin underneath. Her eyes widened as she only saw a few small lacerations where the deepest cuts had been. Even his tattoo was unmarred by the brutality he had suffered only the day before.

Grimmjow couldn't help but sigh in relief as the kido-laced bandages came away from his fresh skin. The pain disappeared as his hierro re-hardened once no longer exposed to the shinigami's healing. He had to admit, begrudgingly, that Hanataro knew what he was doing. The small shinigami was the only one who had been brave enough to help him after Hisagi saved him the first time, developing this new way of fixing him even more quickly than he normally healed.

"Its… its practically all healed," Mara breathed in disbelief. She quickly grabbed the rag, wiping away the dried blood before placing only a few small bandages over the remaining cuts.

Grimmjow rose up to sit on the edge of the bed in front of the shell-shocked woman. She looked up to him, appraising him silently. "Come here," Grimmjow ordered her in the same low purr that left no room for argument.

Mara couldn't have stopped her legs from carrying her to him if she had wanted to.

"I.. I thought that you might… I was so worried, Grimmjow," she stammered out as she approached him, "Your voice kept getting weaker and then... then you couldn't talk at all. There was so much blood… so much fucking blood and it was all-" Mara was cut off by her own sob as she stepped right up next to him.

Grimmjow gently took her wrist, pulling her hand to lay it on his chest over where his heart beat. He watched her stoically as she seemed to absorb the steady pulse under her fingers. He didn't move as she leaned in closer, nibbling her lip temptingly, as she grounded herself in the steady proof of life beneath her hand. Grimmjow forced his body to remain painfully still, bound by an iron will, as her other hand crept up his chest and wound up around his neck. Mara pulled herself flush against his hard chest and he could feel her shoulders shake as she fought to hold back tears.

Finally, Grimmjow could stand it no more, wrapping his arms around the small woman and raising his large hand to wipe the silent tears from her cheeks. When she looked up at him though with that fear and relief and warmth and- fuck, it, he just had to taste her. Grimmjow pressed his lips to Mara's, relishing how her soft lips caved under him. He moved his mouth against hers insistently and Mara gasped at the contact.

It was all the opening that Grimmjow need to crash down on her in a punishing kiss. He delved his tongue into her mouth before sucking and nibbling her lips. He couldn't get enough of her. She invaded his senses. The smell of her, the taste of her, the feel of her! She was intoxicating and he would be damned if she wouldn't be his.

"Fuckin' hell, Mara," he purred as he pulled away from, leaving her breathless.

Mara was dazed. What the hell had just happened? Holy shit…. She pressed shaking fingers to her tingling lips as she looked up at the man who seemed to be able to ignite every nerve ending in her body with a single touch. Hell, a single look. Where Hisagi was the cooling rain, a slowly welling passion that seeped through her, Grimmjow was fire raging through her veins. He was heat and intensity and longing so deep that it shook her to her core. She was well and truly fucked. She knew it with every bit of trailing flame his hands left behind as they stroked her back.

"Grimmjow," she sighed, "I-"

"I know," he said with a deep chuckle as he pulled back to look at her face. His eyes took in her swollen lips before moving to look deep into her eyes with fierceness. She didn't move away, however at the predatory look, or when he lowered his lips to brush against her ear. "I know... but make no mistake, Yumekanau, I will make you mine."

_Mine. _The internal declaration ripped through him

Mara stiffened in his arms at the declaration and Grimmjow pulled back to give her a feral smile, full of sharp teeth and promise. Her eyes couldn't help but wander to the window where she had seen Hisagi leaving this morning. This could get bad.

Grimmjow turned, following her gaze out the window and finally registered the rows of soldiers standing outside. Mara watched him do a nearly comical double-take before turning confused eyes to her.

"What is going on?" he asked, an edge of irritation coming to his voice.

"We didn't know when you would be awake and we had to protect you. Had to protect both of us," she said softly.

"From what?" Grimmjow growled. He was being protected? Seriously?

"From everyone," Mara replied tonelessly.

"What the fuck?!" he asked jumping up from the bed to go to the window, "I don't need protecting like some little bitch!"

Mara's face grew hard. "You do when you are passed out," she replied evenly.

"Why is the Punishment Force in the trees?" Grimmjow hissed out, watching Mara's lips tense into a thin line at the news. "Mara! Where is Hisagi?"

"You are better than we thought that you would be," Mara continued quietly, "So, don't think of it as us protecting you. You are my last line of defense. They wanted us both, Grimm."

The espada could feel his eye twitching as she avoided yet another question. "Dammit, woman!" he growled, spinning her from the window to face him, "Let them come! But where the fuck is Hisagi?"

Mara fixed her eyes on Grimmjow's own in a fierce, piercing stare. "Fighting."

.

.

Hisagi rolled his eyes for what must have been the millionth time in the past 45 minutes, eliciting a scoff of disbelief from Komamura.

"So you don't agree that the espada is dangerous then Hisagi?" Komamura said, voice dripping with sarcasm as his frustration at Hisagi's attitude flowed through him.

"Of course he's dangerous," Hisagi sighed out, "we all are. You are literally sanding next to Kenpachi Zaraki. Can you say that Grimmjow is more dangerous than him? Or more unhinged for that matter?"

Zaraki let out a small, evil laugh as a wide grin spread across his face. "He's got you there," he growled out, sounding menacing even in his amusement.

"This is ridiculous," Soi-fon grumbled, "I have my men in place, let's just grab them and call it done."

Hisagi noted Omaeda's discomfort with that before levelling a hard look at Soi Fon. "If you want your men to die, go ahead."

"My men are trained to be willing to fight to the death every time!" Soi Fon raged, "This is the elite-"

"Oh, shut up," Hisagi groaned. He swore he could see Soi Fon turning shades of red in front of him. "Your men aren't the only elite squads in this place. The fact is that your men will try to get in, my men will try to keep them out, and there will be nothing but death all around."

"Are you saying," Ukitake asked in a worried voice, "That you and your men are prepared to fight Soul Society? That's- that's-"

"No," Hisagi answered bluntly before the word treason could start being thrown around, "My troops are prepared to defend from Soul Society if you continue to try to persecute those who don't deserve it."

"You cannot stand against all the divisions at once, Hisagi," Hitsuguya said lowly.

"Indeed, but you would all have to sacrifice having a 9th squad as a result," he quipped back.

"How can you say that he is innocent?" Byakuya ground out, "We have witnesses of the fight."

"Of his defense of Mara, you mean," Hisagi replied flippantly, "I gave an order. He obeyed."

"Interesting that he followed your order," Mayuri said thoughtfully, "He sure has come a long way from my testing room then."

Hisagi raised an eyebrow at the scientist. "Interesting name for your torture chamber."

"Hisagi Shuuhei, do you mean to say that you ordered your espada to attack Abarai Renji?" Genryasai asked heavily.

"No." Eye roll. "I ordered him to protect my girl."

"She was in no danger! I would never-" Renji fumed before being cut of by a sharp glare from Byakuya.

"You sure did start to unravel though," Ikkaku muttered from where he sat cross-legged, polishing his sword, next to Zaraki.

"He still reacted violently before any hit had been thrown," Hitsuguya grumbled. Hisagi inspected him closely before his eyes flicked to Matsumoto where she leaned against the wall behind her captain. She didn't look up from inspecting her nails. Hitsuguya must be getting his information on events from her, but why would she paint it so badly?

"Nope," Hisagi said shortly.

"Nope?" Hitsugaye asked narrowing his eyes at Hisagi and his face screwed up in frustration, "What do you mean nope?"

"There had already been a hit placed," Hisagi said slowly, "Right Omaeda?"

_Come on…_ Hisagi pled with his eyes as Soi Fon turned to glare her subordinate into submission.

"That's… That's true, Captain Hisagi," Omaeda admitted, face locked into a grimace, "He hit me to get to the girl."

"So that would make it look like she was being attacked," Hisagi summed up for the crowd, "She felt like she was being attacked. Grimmjow protected her."

"We need to speak to the girl and get her to confirm all of this," Komamura said.

"There is also the matter of her own previously unknown power output to address," Mayuri added, eyes lighting up with macabre fascination.

"No," Hisagi said, grinning so disconcertingly at the squad 12 captain that even Mayuri's smile faded.

"But he must be punished for attacking a member!" insisted Soi Fon.

"I'm sure this could be considered punishment," Hisagi remarked dryly as he gestured as his bloody haori.

"Let me get this straight," Kyoraky rumbled lazily. Hisagi couldn't help the lightening in his features as he looked at the level-headed captain of the 8th who had gotten so tired of the argument raging in their chambers that he had sat down to recline against the column behind him. "You are holding Grimmjow and we can't touch him without destroying your squad," he drawled.

"Yep," Hisagi nodded.

"And we can't touch the girl or question her because she is under your protection with the seal of the Soul King himself on your betrothal," Kyoraku continued lazily.

"Yep."

"You have to give us something, Hisagi," Ukitake said as he tried to quell a tension headache by pinching the bridge of his nose. "That is why we have captains meeting and votes while we still work on replenishing the Central 46. No one captain can just declare nothing and be king of their squad."

Smirking, Hisagi nodded at Ukitake who had just unknowingly given him the opening Mara had told him to expect. They were asking for him to give, not demanding. _Hot damn, she was right_.

"You are right, Ukitake," he agreed, "I do have something I can offer."

Surprised eyes around the room finally locked on Hisagi.

"Then why in the hell did you make us sit through this bullshit?!" Zaraki growled.

"You didn't ask," Hisagi responded with a shrug.

The baffled looks continued but Hisagi was pleased to see Zaraki actually laugh. The big man was often irrational, but he respected when someone had balls. He was good to have on your side in a pinch too.

"What could you possibly demand in this situation?" Byakuya sniffed haughtily.

"Funny you should ask, Byakuya," Hisagi said, predatory grin back in place. He wanted to laugh at the tic that developed in Byakuya's eye at the address. "Mara has AGREED to be questioned on the events of yesterday and in general," he began as the room erupted into chaos.

"Then why were so against it?" Komamura shouted.

"You prick," Soi Fon raged, "You made us almost got to war-"

Mayuri's knuckles popped in anticipation, "About time-"

Hisagi ignored all of them, levelling a hard stare at Renji, gauging his reaction alone. Renji's eyes, now uncovered and less swollen, widened as they panned the reactions room. His expression spoke panic. Clearly, exposing Mara was not what he wanted. This might just work.

"BUT," Hisagi shouting, gathering the crowd back to a tense silence, "She has agreed to only be questioned if all charges against Grimmjow are dropped."

"Why should we-" began Byakuya, before Hisagi cut him off with a harsh look and sneer of his own.

"And she will only agree to be questioned by Abarai Renji," he finished.

"No," Byakuya replied stoically just as Renji breathed out a desperate "Yes!"

Hisagi watched as Byakuya's glare whipped to his lieutenant. Renji stood from the wall to look down on the man with a force that chilled Hisagi. It had been 6 years since he had seen Renji and he wasn't entirely sure what to make of the man who had returned. His physical dominance and presence was obvious, but it was his mentality now- the iron will and lack of any fear in this moment- that defined him.

"Yes," Renji hissed gutterally.

"You think you have the power here?" Byakuya asked so lowly that Hisagi had to strain to hear.

"Of course not, Captain," Renji growled threateningly, "but I'd hate to see if my fang reaches further now."

"You are back voluntarily, Lieutenant Abarai," Byakuya seemed to remind the beastial man.

Renji's response was only to raise a tattooed brow before looking back to Hisagi with determination. With desperation. With… was that hope?

"Captain Kuchiki," Genryusai finally spoke up, "The girls testimony is more important than your grudge. Besides, I have a solution regarding the espada."

"Very well," Byakuya said, facing Hisagi, disinterested mask back in place. "Apparently we have a deal."


	29. Chapter 28: Game Set Match

(A/N) I love writing the play between Hisagi and Grimmjow in their scenes. There is something about them that I think plays so well off of each other and I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I do. On the flip side, writing Renji and Byakuya is HARD. It is hard to strike the right tone between them without making Byakuya an asshole, but I tried to bring more of his perspective in with this. Let me know what you think.

Tune for Renji/Bya portion just to strike a mood is Until the Ribbon Breaks version of One Way or Another. Set the trap, guys and enjoy.

**Chapter 28**

Hisagi let out a soft sigh as he approached his squad quarters. He could feel some of the tension drop from his shoulders with each disgruntled Protection Force member he passed. Despite the withdrawal and the late afternoon sun bearing down, he was proud to see that his squad had not broken rank at all through the long morning.

Approaching the rows of soldiers, he gave them an approving nod, watching as their stances finally relaxed. "Dismissed," he announced to them quietly, "Thank you all, you have done well. You all have the afternoon off to resume normal duties tomorrow. I am proud of all of you."

With respectful bows, the troops began to disperse and Hisagi made his way into the building. After finally releasing the kido that had guarded the room, he entered it with quiet movements. He couldn't help the jolt to his heart at the view that awaited him.

Grimmjow sat at the head of the bed, back to the wall. His teal eyes locked on the captain as he came in. No doubt, Hisagi knew, that he had seen him approach. Grimmjow's hand rested protectively on Mara's shoulder as she was curled asleep in the nest of his legs. Hisagi said nothing about it however, surprising Grimmjow. He simply shrugged off the bloody Haori, happy to be free of its weight, before settling in the futon across the room.

"Rough day?" Grimmjow asked lowly in a voice dripping sarcasm.

"Long night," Hisagi threw back at him causing the espada's eyes to narrow slightly.

"So when do I get handed back to the monster?" Grimmjow asked, looking down at the sleeping woman in his lap. For once, his tumultuous feelings were plain on his face.

"You don't," Hisagi said, hiding the pity he felt for the tortured man. He knew Grimmjow didn't want it or need it. It was enough that he was letting him keep holding Mara so intimately.

Hisagi pulled a pair of chainless spirit-dampening cuffs from his pocket and tossed them at Grimmjow, who deftly swiped them out of the air with one hand. Grimmjow inspected them with a snort before looking back up to Hisagi with one brow raised.

"Wear them," Hisagi said tiredly, briefly thankful that Mara had fallen asleep on Grimmjow. It was keeping the espada oddly calm. "This was the agreement to put everyone's mind at ease," Hisagi said mockingly.

"Tch. Really?" Grimmjow scoffed, "If I let loose all my power, I would melt these things off. I'm above most of your precious captains."

"Exactly why I asked for this as the requested appeasement," Hisagi replied, cracking a grin that was mirrored back with sharp teeth, "That is exactly what I am expecting you to do if someone tries to go after her."

"Aye, aye, Cap'n," Grimmjow rumbled with a low chuckle as he snapped on the cuffs. "You sure you want to put me in the position of being her savior again?" Grimmjow asked, the levity dropping off his face.

"You'd have to beat me to it," Hisagi said with a challenge glinting in his gray eyes.

Grimmjow leaned his head back against the wall with a dramatic groan, "Why do you have to be the one motherfucker in this place that I actually don't want to rip apart with my bare hands?"

"At least not yet, right?" Hisagi added with a humorless chuckle.

Grimmjow rolled his eyes, even as his grip on Mara tightened imperceptibly.

Hisagi leaned forward in this seat, resting his elbows on his knees as he swept his large hands over his tired face. He planted his chin in his palm as he studied the man across from him. "So you do love her," he whispered, drawing the espada's fierce glare back to him. "I told her, but she didn't believe me."

"She'll get there," Grimmjow replied, levelling his gaze against Hisagi, "Koi no yokan, Cap."

"I know. I heard you guys over Senbonzakura," Hisagi admitted.

"Then why the fuck are you working so hard to keep me out here?" Grimmjow asked with a sneer.

"Mostly, because she would kill me if I didn't," Hisagi said fondly, "but also because I have security in that you aren't the only one she feels that way about."

"Yeah, doesn't hurt that you are already 'Otto', huh?"

Laughing softly, Hisagi shook his head self-depreciatingly. "No, it doesn't," he agreed, "but ultimately its her choice. I'll let her make it."

Grimmjow cast him an overwhelmingly doubtful look.

"Oh, don't mistake that for backing down, Jaegerjaques," Hisagi said deeply as he reclined his body against the back of the futon, stretching out his powerful arms across the back, "I'm planning on making that decision swing my way."

"Look at who's takin' on the king," Grimmjow purred disconcertingly.

"Meh, you'll lose her as soon as she sees another one of your conquests doing the walk of shame in the morning," Hisagi chuckled, "If she hasn't seen them already."

"In the past, Cap," Grimmjow said.

Hisagi snorted in doubt. Mara's heart may be big, but to get past Grimmjow's playboy antics? That was a tall order.

"So, what now?" Grimmjow asked him softly, absentmindedly stroking Mara's side to settle her as she had begun to stir.

"Well," Hisagi drew out in a groan, "now we just have to get her past the price this bit of freedom cost before we start in on each other. And it may just take both of us."

"What do you mean price?" Grimmjow said, an audible growl resonating through him and into the room. "I thought this was the price," he said, raising to shake his wrist, cuff catching the light.

"No, that was the result. The price for those cuffs being the extent of your punishment is that she submits to questioning."

If Grimmjow hadn't been trapped under the sleeping beauty, Hisagi knew that he would be at risk of dying right then. Teal eyes glowed with an otherworldly, sinister power and the cuffs began to glow brightly. "I will eat your goddamn intestines while you watch if-"

"Stop," he ordered Grimmjow calmly.

"Stop? Fucking stop!? Fuck you! What did you do?" Grimmjow practically roared.

"Look, I didn't do shit except exactly what she told me to," Hisagi said, hands up in submission, "and trust me, I would have told her no if it had meant 'questioning' like yours."

The glow faded from the cuffs to a dull thrum, but Grimmjow still looked like he wanted to rip the captain into bloody confetti. "I don't give a single flying fuck, Hisagi. It's still being turned over to those twisted sons of bitches to have answers wrangled out of her."

"Look," Hisagi said, leaning forward intensely again, "give credit where it is due. That girl may just be a fucking genius in how she read the situation. There's no turning her over or letting them take her, we take her there and take her home. One session of solitary questioning that she ends at any time. One person to ask the questions. If they touch her, it's an immediate death sentence. Not even a farce of a trial like they tried to give you."

Grimmjow eased slightly. It could be worse, he reasoned. "How in the hell did you get them to agree to all that as exchange for me? There's some in the circle that were probably frothing at the mouth to try to kill me," Grimmjow asked, wary curiosity taking the place of his anger, "That's very little to give in return for something so large."

"Apparently, the effectiveness of the bait you dangle depends on the fish you are aiming for," Hisagi said cryptically as he tried to work out how to deliver news that would most likely truly cause the volatile espada to really try to kill him.

Grimmjow examined Hisagi with narrowed eyes. What wasn't he telling him? "And which fish did we have to bait?" he asked, voice tense.

"The one that levied the charges against you," Hisagi replied evenly, "The one that she believed could give answers as well during this session."

"You're letting Kuchiki question her?" Grimmjow hissed angrily.

"No," Hisagi said, steeling himself for the coming explosion, "Abarai."

Hisagi expected the tirade. He expected to have to fight off the espada physically. Hisagi expected utter insanity. He did not expect Grimmjow to recoil in palpable fear. He didn't expect to see him wrap another protective arm around the woman in abject horror.

"What?" Grimmjow gasped out.

"She said to make sure that she was questioned by Abarai," Hisagi said confused, "It's not a bad idea entirely… he clearly knew her so she knew he was the best bet at having answers that she wants. She also had a memory that powered her shunpo to you and she said that she was sure he was in it; that they were friends. That means he wouldn't hurt her even if the rule wasn't in place… Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Because apparently you are a goddamn, knuckle dragging, shit eating moron!" Grimmjow said.

"What?!" Hisagi hissed right back.

"How the fuck could you let her go to Abarai? Do you want us both to lose her?!" Grimmjow asked accusingly. At Hisagi's blank look, Grimmjow sighed and untangled Mara's left hand carefully from the blankets and laid her arm wrist up, exposing the small tattoo. "What do you see, dumbass?"

Obligingly, Hisagi rose from the bad and went to look at the small pattern. "One of her tattoos. What am I supposed to be seeing?" he sighed.

"Fuckin' hell," Grimmjow growled, "He's your best fucking friend and you can't recognize his goddamn tattoo pattern but I can?"

Narrowing his eyes, Hisagi finally placed the pattern, the linked swirls that still didn't touch in the connections. Mara had Renji's tattoo put on her body. They had time to get to know each other in the world of living. Renji knew that memory loss was common. He shoved her through a gate with an opening that he knew the outlet. Hisagi's mind raced as the pieces fell into place in his mind.

"Now you see, huh," Grimmjow scoffed as he began to see the same fear he held inside of him reflected in Hisagi's stormy eyes. "She didn't just know Abarai, she was Abarai's. His reaction to her yesterday only proved it."

"Does she know that?" Hisagi asked, sinking into the chair next to the bed while not releasing his hold on her hand. _Shit shit shit shit. _

"Fuck no!" Grimmjow asked, yet again looking at him as if he was an utter fool. "We just better hope that its his word against her blank mind and she doesn't get hit by more memories while she is with him."

Hisagi couldn't speak. He couldn't breathe. What had he just done?"

"There it is," Grimmjow said mirthlessly, "You love her too. And now you get it."

"What… what do we…" Hisagi stammered.

"We have to win her over now," Grimmjow said, tight lipped, "One of us, both of us... it just has to be enough that she will choose us over him if she remembers anything."

.

.

A knock on Renji's door stopped his pacing. He had been circling the room like a predatory tiger for the past hour as his mind had reeled through scenarios and ideas. He was going to see Mara. Just them. No Hisagi, no espada; just him and her. What could he get her to remember? Could he make her see? Should he make her see?

Renji threw open the door with a glare, looking down to see a small shinigami, kneeling at the opening.

"Lieutenant Abarai," the shinigami said with a nervous waver to their voice, "Cap- Captain Kuchiki has requested you in his office."

Renji snarled in response, only to see the rookie flinch at the sound. He had been a bit… harsh with the squad since he had been back, he supposed. Thinking of getting to see Mara again quickly replaced his sneer with a smile. Even Byakuya couldn't kill this mood. "Thanks, man," he said jovially, chuckling at the saucer-eyed look he got in return.

The rookie got up and shuffled away from the door quickly, a confused trepidation still slanting across his face, as Renji stepped out and headed to Byakuya. Renji only smirked more at the reactions of the shinigami in the halls as he sauntered up to Byakuya's door. Renji schooled his features before sliding the door open, however.

He didn't know what game Byakuya was playing but there had to be one. His captain had caved too easily today. He hadn't punished Renji for the run of insubordination that he had been on the past days. If anything, Byakuya was giving him a lot of leeway and there had to be a reason. He just didn't know it yet.

Entering the room silently, Renji stood, thick arms crossed across his broad chest where bandages still tightly bound his broken and cracked ribs. He watched as Byakuya scratched on the report sheets, unconcerned by his presence, but Renji wasn't fooled. He knew Byakuya was well aware that he was there.

"What do you want?" he asked roughly. While it would be an interesting experiment to see who broke first in acknowledging the other, he was impatient to get back to his own room and plans.

Byakuya slanted an annoyed look over at Renji, holding his impenetrable gaze in silence.

Renji fought the urge to roll his eyes. It would just give Byakuya another weapon in his war of class he had been raging on Renji for his entire life. "What do you want, Captain?" he restated through clenched teeth.

Byakuya turned back to scratching the paper, ignoring Renji. _Oh for fucks sake…_ Renji groaned internally, careful not to betray his weakness of impatience lest Byakuya decide to exploit it further.

His thoughts, inevitably, drifted to his Ippin while he waited. His upcoming meeting with her would be what Byakuya wanted to address. The catch would probably come now. He had never known Byakuya to be pinned into a corner so easily. Hisagi's timing had been perfect; his development of just enough impatience to strike with a deal that was far too lax was artful. Renji realized that his plan had Mara painted all over it with a bit of a jolt. Hisagi hadn't seemed himself at all, he finally recognized, because he hadn't been. At first he had thought that Hisagi's demeanor only proved how the man had changed under the extended influence of the espada (that no one had bothered to mention to him, he mentally noted) but now he saw that Grimmjow was just the inspiration for a part that Hisagi had played perfectly.

It wasn't in Hisagi's nature to bend, even if justice was his goal. Hisagi was a person you could count on to make his stance readily apparent. His word was his bond and, Renji assumed, that hadn't changed since becoming a captain. He had refused an order from Genryusai himself! That wasn't Hisagi… it was Mara. How many days had he and Ippin spent talking about the politics of Seireitei? How many scenarios had they walked through that Mara had examined and figured out long before the powers that be actually done so at the time. She had killed Uryu at chess, had mastered Urahara at Go. Her explanation? "When you can't do anything but lay around, you have to learn to hone your mind. When no one will tell you the truth about yourself at your own bedside, you learn to read them and drag it out.'

She had dragged out of them the exact result that she had wanted without even being in the room. Grimmjow was free and only put in spirit cuffs. Fucking spirit cuffs. Renji had nearly gaped as that passed the vote of the captains. Grimmjow could break those anytime he wanted. That must be why Hisagi had been so agreeable to them.

But if Mara had been puppeteer to this flawless show that meant… Holy shit, that meant that she had wanted to meet him. Only him. Did she remember him? Did she remember THEM? No... if that was the case, she would have leapt to him with joy the way he had her. She wouldn't have gone through all that pretense. She would already be here. No, she didn't remember him but she must remember or feel something. Mara wouldn't make that the bargaining chip without a reason.

Mara must have had to be immovable on that point for Hisagi and her guard dog to allow it. Anyone could see just by glancing at how the men looked at her that they were utterly enamored by her. Renji wished he had only been so smart. How much more time could he have spent with the vivacious woman? Renji shook his head internally to clear that thought and the dark path it led down. The bright light, even in his clouded head, was that Mara wanted to meet him.

"Lieutenant Abarai," Byakuya's deep voice came from behind the desk, "We need to talk about the girl."

Renji's focus snapped back to the captain but he said nothing. Playing Byakuya's game back as he waited for the captain to continue beyond the obvious.

With a soft sigh, Byakuya rose from the desk, turning to face his prodigal son of a lieutenant. Renji had always been prone to being difficult. It was his drive and admiration that had kept him in line, but now? Now he was an entirely different beast. He had no doubt that he could still best Renji, even if it came to combat, but the man's spiritual pressure alone let him know that it would be a long and bloody battle for both of them. Renji's new mindset, however, told him any battle would be to the death.

So, Byakuya had debated while Renji was still contained to the infirmary on how to handle this hell hound that had dropped back in. Clearly what was best for Renji's obedience, and the end of Byakuya's constant tension headache, was getting him back the girl. Honestly, after watching his Lieutenant break over his sister for years, Byakuya almost wanted to help. He also wanted to strangle Hisagi for finding the chink in his armor and exploiting it that first day.

Now, however, he had to contend with the headache that would come from Hisagi and his pet. What may have been a lie at first had certainly grown. Of course, how that would turn out between Hisagi and the espada he treated as a lieutenant was none of his concern, but it make Renji's aspirations more difficult.

This was going to take tact, something that Renji's bull in a china shop approach often lacked. Byakuya resisted sniffing in disdain. Class. So many years later, it seemed that he was still the one tasked with teaching it. However, If Renji's fang had reached when he was fighting for Rukia, he had no doubt it would slash with a poison tip now.

On top of all of this was that Renji had spoken about nothing from before he came in the gate again. Byakuya could put together pieces better than most, but he had to have the damn pieces. Instead, he got his own mask thrown back in his face.

"Hisagi sent word that you will meet with the girl two days from now," Byakuya said blandly, "Apparently she is not in the best state of mind and he wants her to recover before going through more stress."

_Not in the best state my ass, _Renji thought drolly,_ this is another ploy for something. She played you like a goddam violin._

"Mm," Renji rumbled in ascent, "There have been many references to her mental state being… fragile."

The unasked question of why hung in the air between them. Seconds dragged to minutes as neither man offered anything, a true stand off as they each weighed the pro's and cons of revealing a card in their hands.

_What the fuck am I doing? I just literally saw a page in her Cornering Byakuya 101 book today._

"I suppose it was her entry," Renji finally supplied, "You did say that she was incoherent. Of course, that's to be expected with the send-off she had."

_Hook._

"Indeed," Byakuya said, eyes narrowing at Renji. He knew that Renji was dangling bait to make the flow of information a two-way street, the question was would Renji supply enough to make the play worth it. "I expect it must have been very traumatizing to have her screaming Bankai over and over again, unable to respond."

"Yes, I supposed that being konso'd and shoved through a senkaimon during a battle will do that," Renji said contemplatively, "She must have heard me call on it fighting Ulquiorra."

"That could explain her initial violent reaction to Grimmjow. She had grown silent and despondant until she saw him and began again," Byakuya remarked offhandedly, "That was when she latched onto Hisagi and managed to ask for help. Only he seemed to sooth her."

Renji's mind dropped the pieces he was being given into place. The lingering effects of the espada battle must have been why she had such a visceral reaction to seeing another one, but why Hisagi? He and Hisagi trained together for a year and were as different as night and day, but there were distinct similarities that Renji remembered people commenting on as they trained. Hisagi was slightly shorter and less bulky but both men were formidable in size. Both had tattoos on their faces. . They were often told that the look in their eyes is what really distinguished them. Dark, brooding, piercing. Internally Renji could see how he may seem familiar and safe by impression alone to someone with no clear memories.

_Or maybe he was just the only one that didn't glare at her_, he thought with annoyance at his present company.

"Without knowing what she remember's I'm supposing she could have latched onto whomever was in best proximity to block the hollow," Renji suggested, "I would assume if it was association of some kind, that she would have gravitated to Unohana just as much since Rukia was there when she went through as well."

"Unohana was not present at the time," Byakuya said slowly, "so we will never know for sure. I'm assuming Rukia was there because of Kurosaki."

_Line,_ Renji thought with satisfaction. Even Byakuya couldn't hide that slight glint of curiosity.

"The fourth does often seem to run on their own schedules when it is least convenient," Renji said conspiratorially.

"Luckily," Byakuya continued, "She was covered in blood that wasn't hers…"

"Mine and Rukia's, I'm sure. But you know Inoue, Rukia was most likely healed faster than me," Renji said taking pity on Byakuya before continuing, "At least Mara was treated by the best. She seemed to be up and running very quickly since the betrothal was announced before I even left the infirmary."

"Unfortunately, you were still in Minazuki when it was agreed to. She was still under... treatment, as well," Byakuya admitted while watching his words carefully. There was no shame in his tone, but Renji could feel that Byakuya was holding back something. He would have to offer more to get more.

"Yeah, well, Ulquiorra was quite insistent with his mission even though it turned out that Kurosaki wasn't his prey after all. Any healer would have been hard pressed to give me a fast recovery."

Byakuya couldn't fight the minute widening of his eyes. What did Renji mean that the espada wasn't after Kurosaki? Surely he couldn't have been after the girl. Mara was barely a blip on the spiritual radar even with her random bouts of power that he still couldn't explain.

Renji didn't miss the flinch. _Sinker._

"Either way, though, his quarry is safe. He withdrew from Karakura town. Kurosaki still has Rukia, plus the others, to protect him. Mara is here and being protected. Staunchly, I might add. Interesting how she agreed to this marriage so quickly."

Byakuya realized in that moment that he was now playing a game with a man who was no longer a novice. If he wanted more, he was going to have to give something big. Damn. "Their hands may have been a bit forced," he admitted, "It was a sure protection from the very questioning you have been granted."

"Funny, I thought that a ward could be granted that as well." Renji had a hard time keeping the sneer out of his voice. He had a feeling that he wasn't going to like where this was leading.

"It may have initially been a test by some of Hisagi's true feelings. Before you verified yourself that Hisagi doesn't lie," Byakuya said carefully.

Renji's muscles tensed as he fought for control. He was going to kill him. Fuck it. "By some" his ass. This bastard had not only given away his Ippin like some fucking object while she was still asleep, but he had actually goaded Hisagi into a goddam marriage. He was going to rip Byakuya limb from fucking limb.

"Of course," Byakuya said in an appeasing tone, "there is still no date set. Hisagi seems to be very sure of letting the girl choose her own future. She has agreed to the engagement but…"

"Mara," Renji corrected him bluntly. He was tired of the game.

Byakuya raised his eyebrows in question.

"Her name is Mara," Renji said threateningly, stepping forward to loom over Byakuya.

"Mara then," he conceded. Byakuya was not ready for their chess match to end, he had not learned nearly enough. "You do still have your meeting with her. It is not a social call but I have a feeling the… Mara would be grateful for insight on a past she doesn't remember."

Renji smiled a feral smile that made Byakuya wonder what he was holding back. It must be powerful. "Fair enough," Renji agreed, willing to cede one last thing if for no other reason than to send Byakuya's mind reeling, "After all, I have more than just her time as a Whole to reference. Why do you think Rukia sought us out?"

Byakuya's jaw dropped. Did he mean that-? What were they dealing with? When did this start? Byakuya's mind reeled with the possibilities but he knew he had played his last card as he watched Renji leave his office without a backwards glance.


	30. Chapter 29: Miles of Clouded Hell

(A/N) Thanks for your patience guys. I FINALLY got this chapter out. I needed some plot building and was having a hard time but I think I got it. Next chapters should flow much more smoothly as they are already outlined, just have to be fleshed out. Stay safe, stay home, and happy reading

**Chapter 29**

Mara woke up to a dark room surrounded in a heavy warmth. She didn't want to open her eyes as she noted that the birds hadn't even begun chirping yet, but it was her habit to rise early. She didn't know why, but supposed it must be a carryover for some reason from when she was alive. Quietly, Mara tensed and released her muscles before her eyes shot open. The warmth wasn't heavy, the arm across her was and if she wasn't mistaken, was that a leg tangled in hers?

Mara moved to sit up, trying to collect her tired mind to full consciousness, but her movements were stopped as the thick arm around her tightened. She was pulled back against a hard chest, head cushioned on a corded bicep, and was immediately calmed by a loud purring rumbling at her back. Grimmjow. She couldn't help but snuggle into the mesmerizing vibration but something tugged at her mind against the calming tone.

Morning. It was morning! Hisagi! She had slept the entire afternoon!?

Mara moved to untangle her legs, knowing that trying to loosen Grimmjow's grip would be fruitless, only to freeze as a large hand slowly worked its way up her thigh, keeping her in place.

"Nm-mm, too early," came a muffled groan from her chest.

_Holy shit. Hisagi?_

Mara ran her fingers gently over the heavy head that lay at her breasts. Her fingers grazed through the shaggy hair with relief that he had come back. She realized that while Grimmjow's leg was over her lower one, muscular thigh pressed intimately against her, her top leg was draped suggestively over Hisagi's hip. His hand squeezed her thigh before rubbing gently over the impression of his grip.

_What the fuck happened here… but am I complaining?_ Mara could feel her cheeks heating at the thought. What the hell was going on in her head? This was… this was distinctly not okay. But she would be damned if she didn't have hell of heat flowing through her veins. It didn't help that with every little squirm she made as she tried to adjust to her position, she wound up rubbing some part of her against some part of these two beautiful men. This was fresh hell.

"Quit purring, Grimmjow," Hisagi groaned, "It's creepy."

"You're the creep," Grimmjow growled against Mara's neck, purring louder, "get out of my goddam bed."

Mara could feel her back arch into him at the sensation, unbidden and nearly wanton.

"My squad. My infirmary. My bed," Hisagi argued sleepily as his hand squeezed just under Mara's ass, pulling her hips more tightly to him while he snuggled his head more deeply into her chest. Mara's arms involuntarily held him closer, cradling his strong jaw as her breath hitched.

Hisagi's hand tightened its grip intimately as Grimmjows leg edged further up putting pressure on her and Mara seemed to snap back to reality.

"Nope!" She declared, trying to quell the lust running rampant in her veins, "Nope, nope, nope, nope nope nope." Mara worked to untangle herself from the maze of arms and legs. At her movements and protestations, both men shot to wakefulness and released their holds on her.

They looked on in bewilderment as Mara comically shimmied off the foot of the bed, almost falling over her own feet. They had to hold back grins as she patted herself down, inspecting her articles of clothing so thoroughly that she turned in a full circle. Throwing her hair back from her face, only it for it settle in a raucous mane despite her smoothing hand, she levelled a glare at the men.

"What- why- what on earth am I doing in bed with… what are you two-" Mara stammered over her words, getting flustered by the men's amused expressions.

"Well, good morning to you too, sleeping beauty." Grimmjow grinned as he sat up fully, leaning his back against the wall. Mara couldn't help but grin back as he referenced their first meeting.

Hisagi rolled his eyes but had the grace to look chagrined. Mara was more self-conscious than he had realized, even after her worries outside the academy had presumably been eased. "You were sleeping so soundly and we didn't want to move you…" he began.

"So I… you decided that both of you should just- wait…" Mara trailed off as her eyes flicked back and forth between the two men lounging across from her, "Both of you are here! It worked?"

Hisagi's pensive expression lightened as he smiled at the shell-shocked woman, "Yes, Koi. It worked."

"It worked! Ha!" Mara squeaked, doing a little dance of joy. Her eyes shot to Grimmjow and she gave him a shining smile. "You're free!"

"Mostly," Grimmjow said with a theatrical groan, lifting a wrist to show her the cuff.

Mara's face assumed a small frown, but Grimmjow gave her a reassuring smile.

"He can break them anytime," Hisagi stated for her understanding as he rose from the bed and stretched his tall body, "You said to get the least and I did."

Mara's face broke back into a relieved smile and she ran up, slinging a tight hug around Hisagi's lean waist. "You did amazing," she smiled up at Hisagi.

Dropping his arms back around her waist and returning the hug, Hisagi dropped a kiss on Mara's head. "This one was all you, Koi," he murmured sweetly in her ear, lifting her chin to face him.

"How DID you pull this off?" Grimmjow asked with suspicion, interrupting the couple. He slid up behind Mara and bent to rest his chin on her shoulder. His hands rested easily on her hips.

Hisagi watched Mara closely as she leaned into Grimmjow's touch before she seemed to go rigid. She shifted nervously between the two and Hisagi narrowed his eyes at the espada. To his relief, Grimmjow righted himself and released her as Hisagi did the same. Hisagi could see how skittish both of their attentions made her. She really did feel for both of them, didn't she? Or was it something else? Hisagi filed the information away for later.

Mara stepped away from them, running a nervous hand through her hair. "I just- um… I- Hisagi gave me the parts of the puzzle," Mara stammered, shaking her head to get clarity, "I just solved the puzzle."

Grimmjow watched her nervous jitters with a smile. Damn, she was responsive and so cute when she was worked up. She had seemed scared earlier, overwhelmed. He normally relished that flash of fear in someone's eyes; could dance a jig to the staccato beat of their racing heart… but not with Mara. Those moments she leaned into his touch… fucking priceless. Behind that body that he wanted to do downright sinful things to, however, was a mind that sparked his interest. For all her stuttering, Mara clearly won this round of the battle she was apparently beginning to wage on Seireitei.

Slowly, the soft dark voice in Grimmjow's mind rose up. He wasn't going to have to point her in any direction if she continued thinking that Soul Society was broken. Which it clearly fucking was. But her choice was now to fix it or destroy it. Hisagi or him. Talk about a monumental battle between them that even Grimmjow hadn't seen coming.

Of course, he hoped it was just between Hisagi and him. Fuck. Abarai was a loose end on this that he did not want up in this shit. Granted the lieutenant could give her some memories and unlock some of that fucking power, but at what cost? It didn't matter how strong of a temptation her power was, the idea of waking up every morning with those curves of hers pressed against him was even more so. This girl was a damn witch.

"He does bring up a good point," Hisagi said, yanking Grimmjow from his internal musings, "I gave you the very basics of the players that would be there, but you nailed it. Not just when to hit them, but the actual reactions by the people. Kyoraku was practically laying down, leaning on a column. Soi Fon was pissed as hell. Ikkaku was there and he sat and started cleaning his sword. That's word for word what you said would happen. It's uncanny."

"Really?" Grimmjow asked.

Mara shrugged as she twisted a strand of her hair. The birds had just begun to sing and she could feel familiarity in the early hour. That's what it was, she realized, that she was trying to put into words. "I don't know," she said softly, eyes still glued to the dark horizon, "but when you told me about the captains and lieutenants… it was familiar."

"How so?" Hisagi questioned, "Are… are you starting to remember?"

"No," she breathed, "More like you were reminding me of things I already knew but couldn't put my finger on. The memories hit like a freight train, so much so that it is like I'm no longer here. This is like having the word you want to say on the tip of your tongue but not knowing it until someone says it."

"So, when all I told you about Ikkaku was that he loved fighting…" Hisagi started.

"And you had met him briefly in line," Grimmjow added.

"… and that he was a powerful lieutenant, you made the leap to him sitting around how?" Hisagi finished asking.

"Huh. Well, obviously he likes to fight, but because he is in the 11th squad it is more prevalent. You told me about squad 11, Shuu, and how they value direct attacks so that meant his sword would be on or near him and that either sharpening it or cleaning it would be a sure habit. You said that he was a lieutenant, but I know from meeting him with Grimmjow that he is brand new. Since I told you to go in and drag this meeting out, his normal boredom at having to be cooped up would be even higher, so he would distract himself with something he likes- His sword," Mara explained, before continuing with a giggle, "Besides any guy who can freak out and get in a war with his own fake hair has got to have a short enough temper to sit down in a meeting no matter how formal."

Grimmjow cracked a wry smile, turning to Hisagi. "You never told me that he had a wig? Or that he got stuck in it! Do you know what good ammo that would be in our fights?!"

"I didn't tell her either," Hisagi said lowly, not moving his penetrating stare from Mara.

"I- I guess it's just something I know," Mara said quietly, eyes down cast.

Grimmjow stepped forward, shooting a quick look at Hisagi with his eyes narrowed in reproach, and gave Mara a warm hug. "It's all good, Yumekanau. You didn't do anything wrong, just weird that you know it."

"Yeah, sorry," Hisagi said running his hand through the back of his hair, before reaching out and pulling Mara from Grimmjow's arms to his own. "It's not a bad thing that you know that, but it makes me wonder about how. You had to have been told it; that event isn't common knowledge."

"You thinking she was being groomed, cap?" Grimmjow asked.

"Yeah, I think you're onto something," Hisagi muttered, holding Mara tighter to him. Now he was even more worried. She had been taught about this place and it's people and there was only one person who could have taught her that bit of information.

Abarai. He hadn't just planned to get her here. He had planned to find her and make sure she could navigate the waters until he could get to her. But was it really Abarai? Mara had to agree to learn all this stuff. Mara probably asked about all of it. Mara had to get the tattoo while she was still alive! This plan was so many steps in advance with layers of protection just like the plan she had just used to free Grimmjow…

"Or she wasn't," Hisagi sighed out, defeat in his voice.

Mara turned her astute gaze on the captain and he could feel himself fall further under it. Hisagi wasn't sure he could handle Grimmjow showing her affection, even though they had agreed to do nothing against each other right now for the sake of Mara's free will… and a united front against Abarai's influence, but he was doing it. He knew, though, that he couldn't stand against Mara herself. It went against everything he was, everything he was trying to accomplish! Could he really try to dissuade her from Abarai when she had clearly chosen him already?

Watching with a disconcerted look, Mara panned from one set of darkening eyes to the other. Proud shoulders slumped and joy left the faces of the two men. "Ok, I don't know what conclusion you guys seem to have come to, but I'm pretty sure I should get a say in it."

Neither man met her eyes.

"Really? I wake up wondering if a gang bang is coming on but now you won't look at me?" Mara asked sarcastically.

Grimmjow couldn't help but bark out a laugh, but the remark only earned a confused look from Hisagi.

"A what?" he asked, trepidation still in his tone.

"A ménage a trois…" hinted Grimmjow, but Hisagi's eyebrows simply raised higher. "Dude, for a guy who likes the kink you do, how does it take more than two hints to get to threesome. You know, where the dudes use the chick like fucking Chinese finger trap?" Grimmjow cracked a smile as he motioned his fingers like puzzle trap, squeaking lasciviously with the movement.

"Jaegerjaques!" Hisagi admonished but he couldn't fight his grin as he heard Mara's laughter dissolve into snorts.

"Okay guys, now that the mood has lightened," Mara continued, quelling her laughter to hiccups, "what was with the looks you were giving me?"

The men looked at each other before Hisagi finally spoke. "Koi, you have your meeting in 2 days with Abarai Renji."

"Yeah," she replied dryly, "that was the bargaining chip."

"But do you," Hisagi paused to take a deep breath and run his hand nervously through his hair again, "do you get any of those familiar feelings about him?"

"Is that why you two have been so… touchy feely this morning, regardless of each other?" she asked skeptically. "You think I wanted to talk to him because I have a crush on him or something?"

"Not exactly," Hisagi drew out, looking over his shoulder at Grimmjow for help.

"Fuck me" Grimmjow groaned quietly before looking at Mara. Grimmjow looked at Mara closely. He hated mincing words and pussy-footing around shit. It was so much easier to be direct. He gave a nod to himself as he decided she could take it… and in turn take him and his abruptness. "You knew Abarai and not just as a Whole. You knew him before you died. We know that you were able to see things and had a spiritual presence when you were alive," He bit out, ignoring Hisagi's meaningful stare, "We heard about a girl who could do that in the world of the living well before you got here but we never got any more notice than that."

"Okay," Mara said slowly, biting her lower lip as she processed the information, "Okay. So, he knew me before I died. I didn't think that could happen but that doesn't change my stance. I want the information he could give and this just means there's more of it."

Hisagi sighed deeply, sad look remaining unchanged. "Its not that you knew each other, it's the nature of that relationship and what went into planning you being here. What you planned for here."

"He's… we're… worried you were fucking him and want to continue doing so. You even made contingency plans. Abarai ain't a half wit but he couldn't have pulled off the trail of breadcrumbs that seem to have been left- including the one inked into your arm," Grimmjow explained callously.

Mara's eyebrows shot to her hairline. They thought what!? "Okay guys, I desperately need coffee and breakfast. And we will talk all of this out," Mara finally replied, opening the door to step into the hallway.

Neither man moved.

"Grimmjow, come with me right now and I'll let you touch my butt," Mara said with a smile as Grimmjow practically skipped through the door to stand behind her, hand on ass, to look expectantly at Hisagi.

"Otto," Mara crooned gently, drawing his stormy eyes to her own.

"Mara, I just don't…" Hisagi tried to piece together words in a strained voice.

"No. Stop. Sometimes fear gets in the way," Mara said firmly, "Shuuhei, regardless of what you think or worry, things have changed."

"How?"

The question was a raw whisper laced with need and pain and made Mara's heart clench at the sound. She could feel Grimmjow tense behind her and he slid his fingers gently against hers looking for acceptance into her grip. He wanted to know, too. She held two of his fingers in her small hand, gripping them tightly in reassurance.

"You. There is nothing I could have planned that could have prepared me for you." Mara held her other hand out to Hisagi, "Can we go eat and talk now? Please?"

Hisagi reached out and took her hand and Mara finally let out the breath she didn't realize she was holding.

"Who are you?" she asked him as she pulled him to her and wrapped his arm over her shoulders.

"Otto," He answered, a small smile in his voice again.

"Damn straight."

.

.

Mara whistled low as she watched yet another opponent go flying back from Grimmjow in the practice arena below her. She had decided to come and watch his class, which was really starting to look more like a thorough beat-down than anything else. There were only 3 people standing from the initial 17 and sparring practice had only started minutes before. The feat was made even more impressive by the fact that he was using his bare hands to deflect real swords.

Mara had never gotten a chance to see the training grounds being used for their purpose before now but she figured it was something that she should learn. Something about the combat called to her. She had felt her muscles pull her toward the field when Grimmjow was running the troops through exercises. To be honest, she had mostly come for the view and to try to learn more about her espada as she processed the day and what she had learned, but she had begun to enjoy the activity.

"Enjoying the view?" Hisagi asked dryly as he came to sit next to her high in the stands.

"He is impressive," Mara said distractedly, watching as Grimmjow had moved to prying everyone in the class back up for round 2. "I think I would like to learn to do that."

"You want to learn to fight?" Hisagi asked with a raised eyebrow. The tiny woman was full of surprises. "They do teach combat at the academy you know."

Mara snorted in derision. "I will never go there."

Hisagi couldn't blame her, but her tone brooked no argument and made him worry about her future. Too soon she had been subjected to a cruel side of Soul Society. God help them if her power unlocked and she decided to turn against Soul Society. He found himself internally hoping- again- that she wouldn't regain her memories. She could wake up tomorrow chased after by every powerful entity within Seireitei (and without) trying to control her. She could wake up tomorrow and not care for him at all.

"And here I was thinking that you were watching to see if he would be good as a protector instead of me." Hisagi couldn't fight the bitter note in his voice at his thoughts and the words that were pulled unbidden from him.

Mara turned those shrewd eyes on him- reading him like a book, he was sure. "Can you beat him?" she asked lightly, an enigmatic smile.

Hisagi blinked slowly, watching as Grimmjow took out the whole class again. Nothing touched him. This class wasn't rookies either. Not his seated tier but not new. "I'm not in the habit of comparing my fighting. It shows disrespect for the blade that is being wielded," he said softly, moving to rise and leave Mara to her gawking.

A small hand rested on his leg and stopped his movement. "Humor me," Mara said in a soft order that made Hisagi look at her more closely.

Sighing, Hisagi leaned back and observed Grimmjow's sparring, sad excuse for an example as it was since his opponents didn't even make the espada break a sweat. This class was so below his level. "Hand to hand, yeah, I stand a chance."

"But not with your swords?"

"The swords aren't the problem," Hisagi grumbled, "Grimmjow is older and more powerful than most of the captains in Seireitei. No one is familiar with his Resurrection Form here, even Mayuri couldn't drag it from him, who knows what he could do."

"Hmm," Mara said contemplatively as she wound her fingers in Hisagi's.

_Please, Koi, for the love of… are you really thinking that he could be better, be more…._

Mara looked at his with something akin to sadness. "Your fear is making you weak, Otto."

Hisagi's eyes shot to the small woman, as they always did when she called him that. Was it really only two days ago that his heart had leapt with a joy he wasn't expecting when she acknowledged their relationship? When she had voluntarily labelled him husband? It rolled so easily from her tongue, even in admonishment, just now. He could feel the fear that drove him and dragged him down lessen it's hold when she called him that.

"How can I not fear where your attention will fall, Koi?" Hisagi asked, frustration seeping into voice like venom. It made her shoulders sag and her lips lose their curling smile. "He and I agreed to play nice while you decide. Let you choose. And I want you to be happy but I- I don't-"

"How many times have you saved his life?" Mara asked, cutting him off though her eyes never left the teal haired espada who was yelling like a drill instructor at the squad members.

"What?"

"I count three, that I know of," she replied cheekily, "Look at him. Powerful, deadly, brash… an intoxicating mix. But he didn't save himself, you did. Over and over again."

"Pretty sure the last one was you," Hisagi mumbled.

"Hush," Mara quipped back, turning again to focus those eyes on him. "My point is," she continued, sliding herself to lean against Hisagi. His arm wrapped around her instinctively. "that you worry how his power will draw me because you may just be too afraid to see your own. You already won, Shuu."

Hisagi looked at Mara again. Studied her. "I don't want to win because I'm powerful."

"No? Because you seem to think I will choose him because he knocked out a squad of people on a field," Mara stated dourly, giving him a pointed look. "Grimmjow couldn't answer this but maybe you can. Is he still a king if he's in chains?"

"He is if he has your heart," Hisagi replied without missing a beat, causing Mara to study him back just as closely.

_I know I can grow to love him but an answer like that… Does he love me already? Really? Then how can he doubt me so thoroughly!_

Instead of answering Mara stood and pulled Hisagi by his hand down the aisle and out of the arena. Hisagi followed dutifully, wondering what had come over her to be pulling him so hard and looking so determined. As soon as they reached the outer wall, Mara pushed him against it and starting pacing, nibbling her lower lip in thought. Hisagi waited patiently for her to explain what was clearly on her mind, trying not to get to distracted by her mouth as she worried her plump lips.

"What do I call you?"

Hisagi fought his eyeroll. "This again?"

"Yes, this again," she hissed angrily, "answer the goddam question."

"Otto," Hisagi recited, eyes wide at her ire.

Mara stopped pacing and turned to him. Was that tears in her eyes? "Do you know what I call him?" she asked plaintively.

Come to think of it, he didn't. Hisagi racked his brain but he didn't remember Mara calling Grimmjow anything special, except Kitty that one time and King like everyone else joking around. He braced himself for her answer as he shook his head no.

"Makenai Hito," she whispered. She looked up at Hisagi, not breaking his gaze. "He calls me a dream and I can't bear for him to go. I'm sorry but that's how it is right now. But you," she pushed his hard chest with two fingers, "YOU are Otto. It's already written in stone, Shuuhei. How many times am I going to have to remind you?"

Hisagi fought the need to wrap her in his arms and comfort her. He shook with the need to hold her as she edged on tears. "I don't want you to choose me because I'm an obligation," he said through gritted teeth. Internally he cursed himself. He should be happy. He was built in; she would be his. "I want you to fucking choose me because you want me, Koi!"

He didn't know how it happened. Hisagi would swear that all he did was blink and Mara appeared in his arms, jumping up to wrap her legs around his hips and planting her lips against his. Hisagi almost stumbled as he was swept away in the taste of her, the feel of her pressed so tightly up against him. Her fingers twined in his hair and she made sweet mewls and moans into his mouth as he explored her depths and traced her curves.

Drawing away for breath, she whispered in his ear, "I don't know when, or if, Grimmjow will be out of my system. Maybe it's because he saved me, maybe it's because memories are tied to him, or maybe it's because his darkness dances with my own demons… but rest assured, Otto, that all of me that I can give is yours."

Hisagi turned her swiftly, pressing her back to the outside wall and holding her hips in place with the pressure of his own. He could have broken at the wanton whimper that escaped Mara's mouth at the pressure. He grabbed both her wrists in one large hand and held them above her head, stretching her out so beautifully to his searching gaze. "I want all of you, dammit."

A slow, lust-filled smile spread across Mara's face. "So control is your kink huh? I was wondering after this morning."

Hisagi's stern expression didn't waver, but he brought his mouth so close that Mara could practically feel it on her own. He ran a feather light touch up her side, giving her goosebumps and making her breath hitch. The contrast between the light touch and his soft breath compared to his hard hold sent heat straight through her core. "I. Need. All of you."

"Then give me time, Otto," She whispered back, feeling his withdrawal from her more than seeing it. She pulled him close again with her legs and nuzzled against his face until he turned into her light kiss. "Make no mistake, Shuuhei, I already chose you in that field."

Mara's gasp made Hisagi swallow hard as hand came up to her neck. His long fingers held her still on the back or her neck as his thumb tilted her chin up to look at him. "Why?" he asked huskily, stormy eyes meeting hers and reflecting the need found there.

Licking trembling lips, Mara could feel herself melting under his intense gaze. She felt so small as he held her where he wanted. There was an odd comfort in surrendering to his touch even as it made her only want to hold him that much tighter. "You taste like the rain," she gasped out, "All I've wanted in these hard days is rain. I wanted to weep in it; I wanted to dance in it. I need you."

The damn inside Hisagi finally broke at her admission, crashing his mouth down on hers again. He could feel the heat emanating from her as he slid against her. She pulled against his hold on her wrists, only succeeding in rubbing her breasts against his chest, hardening the tips. Mara's breathy moan only made his blood flow hotter. Hisagi dragged his mouth from Mara's nipping his way down her neck and back up to her earlobe. Feeling her squirm against him was sweet torture and he knew he was going to have a raging case of blue balls… again.

They could hear voices approaching and Hisagi lowered Mara to the ground regretfully. "You know," he said, stepping back to take her hands in his as the students came spilling out of the entrance, "I came up here to talk to you about the Abarai situation. Do you have your battle plan yet?"

"The greatest victory is that which requires no battle," Mara said cryptically.

"How the fuck do you know Sun Tzu?" Grimmjow's voice rang out next to them. He walked up and swept Mara up bridal style, twirling her in a quick circle to make her laugh in surprise, before setting her down with a kiss on her head.

"How do YOU know Sun Tzu?" Hisagi retorted, just as surprised.

"What?" Grimmjow replied, nonplussed, "You don't know everything about me, Cap."

Hisagi rolled his eyes nonchalantly, but internally he couldn't help but cringe. _That's what worries me._


	31. Chapter 30: When I Wake Up

(A/N) Another long wait... I've been busy, sorry. But this is finally up! yay!

Often, I give song suggestions, but this time it is a hard core " you need to listen. Have the song ready to play as soon as you finish the chapter because this applies to every man in the chapter with emotions I couldn't hope to write. Afraid by The Neighborhood

**Chapter 30**

"Dear fucking god, woman," Grimmjow growled, "You are going to know this man better than we do."

Mara smiled at the Grimmjow's angry turquoise eyes, closed in frustration. He had already moved to laying on the couch in Hisagi's office, now he had resorted to putting a pillow on his face to drown out her endless questions. Patience and planning were clearly not his forte. "That's the idea, Grimm."

"He makes a point," Hisagi sighed, leaning back in his desk chair and rubbing his temples, "We have given you the run down on him like three times already."

"Yeah, yeah," Mara muttered, returning to her doodling where she was curled up in a plush chair, "I know you've given me all you can think of, but what about what you can't think of?"

"If we can't think of it, how are we supposed to tell you?" grumbled Grimmjow, theatrical hopelessness laced in his words.

"I mean, c'mon guys. All you gave me was basically his employment history and timeline, but what about him? What's he like? What does he like? Who is he as a person, not as a lieutenant?" She asked, not looking up from her doodle.

"I am not sure if I can say that I know him like that anymore, Koi," Hisagi said as he shuffled his papers, leaning back forward to working on his paperwork, "He came back different than when he left. I last saw him six years ago."

"Seven years for me, and all I remember is that he's a motherfucker." With that Grimmjow rolled to face the back of the couch.

Mara wadded up the sheet of paper that she had been aimlessly drawing on and threw it at Grimmjow's head. Instead the paper bounced off the bone on the side of his face, rolling under the low table in the room.

Slanting back glowing teal eyes in her direction, Grimmjow raised an eyebrow at the girl who was desperately trying not to smile and failing miserably. "Really, Yume?"

Mara stuck her tongue out at him. "Next time I'll aim for the hole."

Grimmjow barked out a laugh, only to toss the pillow at Mara, catching her straight in the face and causing them both to laugh uproariously.

"Alright, alright, children." Hisagi tried to calm them but the smile in his voice overwhelmed any note of sternness. "What exactly are you looking for, Mara?"

"Hmm," Mara pondered with a finger pressed to her lips, "Well, let's start with why you hate him so much, Grimm."

"All I wanted to do was fight Kurosaki," Grimmjow said slowly, voice laced with an uncommon sadness. "But no, the whole crew came and invaded Hueco Mundo to rescue that woman that could heal with a thought, fighting their way through. I lost. They had paved the way for Soul Society to come sweep up everything, including me. I was brought from my home and tortured for years… I don't just hate him, I hate all of 'em."

Mara reigned in her expression of sympathy. She had learned enough in their few short weeks to know that Grimmjow would only get pissed off about it. Instead she tried to focus on the details hidden in his brief explanation. "He went all the way to Hueco Mundo? He really was willing to do anything for Soul Society, huh?"

"Not Soul Society," Hisagi added distractedly from the desk, "That wasn't sanctioned at the time he went. As a matter of fact, I think it may have been expressly forbidden. He did that for Rukia."

"Rukia?" Mara asked.

"Shit, yeah," Grimmjow answered, finally rising to sitting, "How could I have forgotten that? You couldn't have Renji without Rukia."

"Now we are getting somewhere!" Mara said, rubbing her hands together before settling to take notes instead of drawing. "So, they were all there to save Rukia?"

"No, they were there to save the woman," Grimmjow said.

"How very explanatory," Mara replied dryly.

Turning in his chair to face them, Hisagi tapped his pen thoughtfully. "Okay, it all starts with Kurosaki. He was a crazy powerful kid from Karakura Town…" Hisagi paused as he watched Mara pull up her sleeve to look at her emergency tattoo. He knew she was reading the name of the hospital tattooed there even before she shot a wide-eyed look at him.

"One and the same, Koi," he chuckled softly, "Anyway, He was strong enough that he awoke latent powers in some of his friends. One of them was a girl named Orihime who could heal anything and change things to her will."

"Her power was fucking insane," Grimmjow said, licking his lips.

"No," Hisagi said rolling his eyes at Grimmjow and ignoring the middle finger he got in return, "She was kidnapped and taken to Hueco Mundo. Kurosaki is- was- insanely protective of his friends and went after her. Rukia was in love with Kurosaki and followed him. Renji was in love with Rukia and followed her."

"You said 'was'- what happened to Kurosaki?"

"Fucker defeated Aizen," Grimmjow said lowly, a note of respect in his voice, "Aizen was the first shinigami to fuck up my home… but Kurosaki lost all his power in the process."

"Aizen?" Mara asked, pausing in her notes.

"An enemy of Soul Society-" Hisagi began.

"An enemy of everyone," Grimmjow cut in.

"Ok, everyone's enemy," Hisagi conceded, "But he is tertiary to the Renji part."

"So back to Kurosaki, Mara said, refocusing, "What do you mean he lost his power?"

"He became normal," Hisagi continued, "He is the same as any other guy now. He can't even see hollows and shingami anymore. He tried for years to find a way but there is none that we know of. But that didn't stop Rukia from following him to the real world and trailing him constantly."

"And where Rukia goes Renji follows?"

"Yes... Well, it used to be that way. He followed her about a year later. I think he was hoping that she would come back on her own for him to tell her how he felt, but she didn't, so he took an assignment in the real world to help her help Kurosaki," Hisagi said with a shrug, "Maybe he was thinking if he became the hero or if they worked close enough together that she would see him as more than just an old friend."

"Dumb ass," Grimmjow muttered.

"I take it that it didn't work then?" Mara asked gently.

"Nope, not at all." Hisagi said, hanging his head at the memories.

"Last we heard," Grimmjow picked up the story, "He was wasting away in Karakura town on year 6 of what should have been a 3 month assignment... and he had picked up a drinking problem."

"Damn…" Mara murmured, "He doesn't look like a wastrel."

"He sure as hell didn't come back like one," Grimmjow admitted, "He's a brick fucking wall."

"His demeanor is different, too. There's a presence about him now…" Hisagi trailed off as he tried to think about the change in his friend. Was he even still his friend? He didn't know this new man that came back from the real world. Determination had replaced hope. Anger had replaced angst.

"And you guys think that I am why he isn't still attached to a bottle of sake and wasting away in the real world." It wasn't a question, but Mara still had her doubts. If Abarai had been so attached to this Rukia chick, why on earth would him and her have grown so close? How long had they even known each other? "Wait, rewind for me- you said Kurosaki couldn't 'see' anymore… so he could see shinigami when he was alive?"

"Yup, and hollows. Though to fight us he went into "spirit mode"," Grimmjow ground out complete with finger motions, "He had to eject his spirit from his mortal body to be able to use any powers."

"And I could 'see' this same way?"

"That's what we heard," Hisagi said slowly.

He needn't have worried about Mara prying more on that. She was perusing her meager notes thus far, chewing on her bottom lip. "I find it implausible that Abarai would jump from the girl he loved his whole life to me. He chased her all the way to the real world. I doesn't make sense that he would turn away from her."

"He didn't turn away from her," Hisagi explained, "She turned away from him. She's been following Kurosaki ever since. I don't know what exactly happened. Just one day he told me it was done and he wouldn't be going after her anymore. Then the letters stopped and he never came back."

"Wait a second," Mara whispered slowly, "Rukia was chasing a fix for this Kurosaki dude."

"Yeah? So?" Grimmjow asked, intrigued by her expression of rapt attention. He loved how you could see Mara's mind work in her large expressive eyes.

"So?! I was like Kurosaki!" she exclaimed, growing animated as she got up to pace in thought.

Both men remained silent watching her until she turned to see their empty stares. Sighing, Mara put her hands on her hips. "He wants Rukia, wants to be the hero. What if we were friends and I agreed to help him find a way for Kurosaki to see like me? This…" Mara said, waving her tattooed wrist at them, "… may be no more than a way to find him here and to help him with the Rukia issue!"

"I doubt that, Koi," Hisagi said, shaking his head doubtfully.

"Is it that hard to believe that I could be so nice, Shuuhei?" she asked imperiously.

"No," Hisagi chuckled, "What about the whole 'You are loved' thing you told us about?"

"Balls! Yeah," admitted Mara reluctantly, "That could throw a wrench in it. Even if I don't know for sure it was him in that memory." _Though I feel like I am kidding myself on that at this point, _she mentally added. "However, he doesn't know that I remember that moment. That's an advantage. He doesn't know what I know."

"It was him," Grimmjow said with an actual snarl, "No one fights like that over something they don't love."

"Unless he was playing me," Mara sighed, sitting back down heavily.

"And he would fight because….?" Grimmjow asked.

"Because he didn't know what I remembered. I hadn't left the barracks before then and Shuu hadn't given any more than a report than that I was awake… Plus you said he just got out of intensive care… He may not have known."

Hisagi pinched the bridge of his nose. "Look, Koi, I know you don't know him, but I have a hard believing he would lead you on that thoroughly. That's just not who Abarai is."

"That's not who he was, maybe. But, Otto, can you really say you know now?"

"As much as I would love to see you get all pissed off and hate Abarai," Grimmjow said with a grin, "What if he didn't play you? What if he really loves you?"

Mara's face hardened into stone; a mask as polished as either of the men could muster themselves. "He doesn't. I guarantee that. If this was indeed my plan, plotted out so many steps ahead, I wouldn't have landed here, covered in blood, completely alone. Who leaves someone they love to suffer and face this all by themselves?"

.

.

Renji sat concealed on the roof, watching the trio approach the 6th squad offices. _This has to be torture, _he thought to himself as he saw the blue haired love of his life sandwiched between his best friend and a goddamn hollow. Hisagi had his arm thrown casually over Mara's shoulders and caught her against his side as Grimmjow mussed her hair over a joke or something. _Yup. I'm in hell._

Slowly their voices began drifting to him as they drew closer. He could see their demeanor change as they approached. The smiles disappeared. Stances became defensive. The jokes ended. _Does Hisagi really think they are going to be attacked or something? What kind of threats were raised against her that I didn't hear about?_

Slowly, Renji was able to catch snatches of conversation.

"I still really don't like this," Grimmjow said lowly.

"That's because you don't like him," Hisagi replied, "He won't do anything to her."

_Thank you, Hisagi. You do have some sense left_

"Eat a bag of dicks, Cap," Grimmjow retorted, "He grabbed her! She was so afraid she was shaking, so forgive me if I don't let the bastard rest on his laurels."

_Shit. She was?_

"I was not shaking," Mara answered and Renji watched as she laid a comforting hand on the espada's arm. He watched in shock as Grimmjow pulled her hand to his lips, breathing deep to calm himself.

"Yes, you were," he grumbled, leaving their fingers locked as they kept walking.

"Jaegerjaquez," Hisagi said lowly with warning.

Grimmjow dropped Mara's hand. "Yeah, gotcha."

Was that an apologetic look that Mara just shot at the fucking hollow? Were they…? _What the actual fuck? She's literally wound tight into Hisagi but Grimmjow…? No. No fucking way. _Renji fought to control himself. He didn't know if he wanted to laugh in doubt or weep in fury. His heart felt like it was being shredded in his chest as he watched every smile gifted upon the two men by HIS Ippin. Every familiar touch burned.

He was breaking.

This was too much. He turned to head inside, unable to take the sight but their conversation stopped him.

"I'm still not convinced that this situation is what you think it is, Koi," Hisagi said lowly, "The whole 'you helping him' thing…"

"Yeah," Grimmjow said harshly, cutting Hisagi off, "Why are you so hellbent on thinking that you were friends with this guy?"

" 'Am I not destroying my enemies when I make them my friends?' " Mara quoted back to him with an enigmatic smile.

_Abraham Lincoln._ Renji thought with a smile. More than once she had whipped that same quote out on him when he had been frustrated with the humans around in her later days, only for her to approach with a smile and get a desired result. _I wonder if she even knows that is who she is quoting or if that useless knowledge base she has is still there just under the surface, only showing in little bits._

But friends… God they were so much more than friends. It almost hurt to hear that Mara thought they had been friends when friendship was but a mere fraction of the feelings that they had shared. She was Ippin and he was Ace and it had been heartbreakingly beautiful. But friends… at least it wasn't enemies. _Friends is at least something I can work with,_ Renji thought to himself, securing his game plan in his head. He watched the trio finally arrive at the door and flash stepped into the open window of his office to wait for her, missing the last part of their conversation.

"Maybe," Mara said wistfully, giving Hisagi a sweet kiss on the cheek and squeezing Grimmjow's arm reassuringly, "I want us to have been friends because it's the only outcome where he isn't an unforgivable ass hat."

Mara bit her tongue as she was greeted by a small shinigami at the door of the 6th squad offices. Throwing a last look over her shoulder at her protectors, Mara squared her shoulders and followed obediently. Everyone thought her mind was fragile, and it was an advantage to be underestimated, so she bowed her head meekly as they wound through the maze of corridors. Her guide knelt outside a door respectfully and knocked, opening the door at the deep call of acknowledgement.

Renji remained seated, back to the door as he heard Mara enter. He was gearing up to facing her as her FRIEND, when he heard a low inhale. He turned to be faced with dark probing eyes in her pale face, the amber almost drowned in how guarded she was. Her multi-hued hair was combed back but left long and he remembered how soft it was when he would wrap the loose curls around his fingers.

Mara inspected the large man in front of her in a way she couldn't before. She had been greeted by a long crimson ponytail that she could swear she had seen before, but when he turned… those were the eyes from her memories. The bandages were now gone from sight, leaving nothing but taut muscles and tattooed skin to her eyes. He exuded power like a predator- beautiful and deadly- but something about him made her oddly comfortable. _Mind out the gutter, girl, _Mara instructed herself as she bit her lower lip out of habit, _friend or enemy. There is no other option._

"Ippin," Renji practically sighed in greeting.

"Mara." She corrected him.

"You don't have to do that, Mara," Renji said softly.

Mara didn't miss the flash of emotion across his face. It looked like hurt. She narrowed her eyes at him in question.

Renji gestured gently at her face. "Plan. Think it out. You always bite your lip when you are thinking and planning out something difficult. All you have to do is ask what you want to know. I have never held anything back from you and I never will."

Quickly, Mara schooled her features, choosing to ignore Renji's small smirk. _Well, he definitely does know me. _Out loud, she asked, "Hm. You don't find this difficult?"

"Yes, but probably for different reasons," Renji said softly.

This was not going how she had thought it would. Where was the hot headedness that had planned on leveraging? Where was the secrecy that seemed so damn prized in this god-forsaken society? "Lieutenant Abarai," Mara began, "I don't know what you expect here, but Shuu– I mean, Captain Hisa-"

"Shit. Shuu? Really?" Renji tried to stop the reaction of anger but the words just poured out of him. He couldn't help it. "He's 'Shuu'," he spat out the words in disgust, "and I'm Lieutenant fucking Abarai."

_There it is,_ Mara thought, but the satisfaction at getting him riled wasn't reassuring. It didn't even make the petty part of her happy. Why did his hurt seem to hurt her? "Okay… Renji then?" she asked slowly, appeasingly.

The look he gave her in reply was less than satisfying as well, so thoroughly laced with pain as it was. "You really don't know who I am at all do you?" the large man asked in a tortured voice that was made to break hearts.

"No," she whispered, eyes cast down to not give a hint of even what she thought he might be. "I just… I was told to come here to answer questions, Renji. That's all."

That was it. Renji had had it and he could take no more. "Oh, cut the shit, Ippin," he said sitting down heavily in his chair again, clenching and unclenching his fists. "You may not remember me, but I remember you. You made Hisagi dance like a puppet and you chose to be here because you have to know… fuck! You have to FEEL something god dammit! We were in love..."

_Liar. Unforgivable._

Renji watched in horror as the curious light died in Mara's eyes. It flashed briefly with anger before being replaced with a cold, murky nothingness that hollowed him out bodily. He couldn't believe he had lost his temper so quickly. How could he have ditched his own plan so fast? Slowly but surely, Mara's mask lowered into place.

Down on the street, Hisagi and Grimmjow stared up at the lit window. Watching. Waiting. Ready to jump in at the first hint of a raised voice or release of rietsu.

Grimmjow uncrossed his arms and stood up from the post where he had been leaning and drew up side by side with Hisagi.

"Stop prowling," Hisagi rumbled in a low whisper, "You'll draw more eyes on us than there probably already are."

"Fuck 'em," Grimmjow growled.

"As much as I agree with you," Hisagi said, surprising him, "We can't risk her. Even with your shows of affection. If people question my relationship with her….

"Yeah, I know, Cap," Grimmjow sighed, handing him a crumpled piece of paper, "but the rest of these dicks are the least of my concern."

Hisagi flattened the paper with apprehension, surprised to see the sheet that she had been doodling on earlier that day. In amongst the sketches of sakura blossoms and swirls were repeating geometric patterns. There were ones that were scratched through and drawn over until nearly unrecognizable but there, in the center of the page, was the final product. It was a perfect rendering of Renji's tattoos as they scrolled up his arm and over his shoulder and even the ones that cut across his abs and went down his sides. There was no mistaking those bold marks even if she didn't place them on a body. Even if Mara herself didn't know what they were.

Hisagi crumpled the paper back up and shoved it in his pocket. He levelled a wary look at Grimmjow before crossing his arms across his chest and resuming his vigil of watching the window.

"What happens if she remembers?" Grimmjow asked softly, voice heavy with emotion. It was disquieting to hear the espada so somber.

Hisagi let out an exhausted sigh. "I don't know."


	32. Chapter 31: Bleed Through

**(A/N) Long ass chapter guys, that's why it took so long, but there was no good place to split it. Anyways, the big meet! hope you enjoy it! I'm taking a day off after this. Just one, I promise.**

Sound track: beginning of chapter is Flora Cash- You're Somebody Else and end of chapter is Two Feet- Lost the Game

**Chapter 31**

_Well, shit. _Renji sat and stared at Mara's stone face. It was surreal being on the receiving end of this non-look. He had seen her levy it against a perceived enemy so many times. He had remarked on it. He had been impressed by it. He had never faced her version of nothing and it left him so damn empty. It was like she wasn't even her. Wasn't his Ippin. How could he have messed up so badly so quickly?

Taking a deep breath, Renji smoothed the stray strands of his ponytail back with a large hand. He could get past this. He hoped that he could get past this. "Alright… Mara, I think we got off on the wrong foot," he said congenially, offering a shadow of a smile

Mara didn't move except to raise her eyebrows. _Ya' think._

"We did in the real world, too," he offered up, trying to spark something in the dead eyes staring him down.

There was no change, no acknowledgement from the small woman. He could only hope that the fact that her eyebrows were still raised meant that she was interested. Maybe. Just a little bit.

Renji let out a small, frustrated sigh. "Can't we at least just have a conversation?"

_Are you kidding me right now? _Mara thought incredulously, _You just proved that you are an ENEMY and you want a conversation?! _Mara fought against any movement that would give away her outrage. "No."

"Look, you're here to learn about your history and god!- I want you to know it, too. Can we not even get that done?" Renji leaned forward in his seat, resting his elbows on his knees and splaying his hands in appeal.

Was he pleading with her? He sure looked like he was pleading with her. This also seemed out of character. Did this man not even have a character to get out of? "And orders," Mara added, sighing internally.

"Fuck orders," Renji said emphatically, rolling his eyes as he reclined back in his chair.

"You should be thankful for those orders, Renji," Mara replied, drawing his name out into a sneer, "They are all that is keeping me here. I'm more interested in fulfilling this obligation and leaving."

_Well, that's a fucking problem, _Renji thought. He had to get her interested, had to keep her here. She could call off this meeting at any time and she knew it. She needed to be drawn in, won over, challenged… Now that was an idea! Challenge her, even if was disguised as simple petulance. "No, you aren't."

_Damn him. _She narrowed her eyes at Renji who was now smirking through his half-lidded eyes where he reclined. They crinkled at the corners in a smile even if his full mouth with those kissable lips didn't betray him. _Damn him and fuck me. _"Fine," she conceded haughtily, "a part of me does want to know a few things, but I'm not so sure that I still do now."

"You think you won't like what you hear?" Renji asking lightly.

Mara couldn't resist the small eyeroll she gave at his taunting as she turned her head to study something other than the man in front of her. God, he was disconcerting in the weirdest way. This laid-back attitude, even if it was feigned, got under her skin. This banter, this wasn't the first time it had happened. She may not remember more than that one snip of conversation but she knew this ease, this back and forth they seemed to be falling into, could only come from extensive experience. "I KNOW I won't like it," she sighed.

_I wonder what has her off her game? She was never this easy to bait before, _Renji thought, though he remained guarded. "You can't know without hearing it," he replied, the challenge clear in his voice.

_I caught that, _Mara realized, snapping back to reality from the distraction wrapped in a pretty package of muscles and tattoos in front of her. He baited her with a challenge, but he had to remember that he stood something to lose if this didn't pan out. They needed to come to an arrangement on this 'conversation' before he succeeded in getting under her skin again. "Yeah, I can," Mara said airily, "but you can't walk away so easily. Wont your captain be angry if you don't get their information, Lieutenant?"

Renji narrowed his eyes at her implication- and use of that damn title. He could handle Byakuya, he was relatively sure, but he didn't feel like having to fight a captain to the death the next day either. _Damn her_. "Probably," Renji said, unable to fully contain the snarl in his voice, "Fine. How about a trade?"

_God, it's like catching a puppy with a steak. He really had me off, _Mara realized as she raised her eyebrows wordlessly, prompting Renji to continue with what he was saying.

"I'll ask a question, then you. Like a game," Renji said tentatively. He didn't trust that Mara's face was still blank. If only he could tell what was in her head. "That way," he continued, "we each get what we have to have." _But will we get what we actually need?_

_Think you can play a game with me? Alright..._ Mara allowed herself to smirk at his pensive expression. It was like he knew this game was stacked against him even though they hadn't started playing yet. He couldn't back out now, though, she had to keep him thinking he had a leg to stand on still. "It seems a little unfair," she remarked with feigned reluctance.

"How?" Renji asked quickly, taken aback slightly.

"My list is longer," Mara answered definitively.

"You don't know my list," Renji purred back disconcertingly.

_So you think, Abarai_, Mara thought with a smirk. "Mmm," she hummed knowingly, "Okay, fine."

Mara's mind jumped to catch up, however, as she thought about their little deal. Dealing with him had taken an interesting turn. He was hard to pin and those piercing eyes seemed to make her very soul shake. Taking a deep breath, Mara re-centered herself against his influence. His tone couldn't get to her. She was good at games and puzzles. Now that she had proven she could bend him; it wouldn't take long to break him and his patterns. Of course, then she doubted that he would continue to answer her questions… Should she start light or hit hard? Ask what she really wanted to know or make sure he would tell the truth first?

"Me first, then," Renji declared. He knew he sounded cocky. He felt like he was already ready. This was just like Byakuya- start easy and hook. "Do you remember anything from before you came here?"

"Nope."

"Nothing?" Renji asked incredulously, "Really?" It was at that moment that Renji realized that this wasn't in his control as much as he had thought. Mara had realized, by giving her no parameters on the game that she had an easy out with non-answers. It also reminded him that this would not be like Byakuya. At all. After all, she had been who he had used to model his and Byakuya's verbal chess matches these past weeks.

"That's another question," Mara said with a cold smirk, "My turn."

"Gonna play it like that?" Renji fought a laugh, torn between surprise and admiration. God, she was feisty.

"Also another question," she informed him with infuriating calm.

Renji rolled eyes but couldn't fight the grin that spread across his face. _There she is. _"Fine," he ceded, "you go."

Mara seemed to ponder for a moment, deliberately nibbling her lip. She was surprised to note how his eyes shot to her mouth and desire filled his eyes. At least now she knew it didn't just go one way. She waited until he dragged his eyes back to hers before posing her question. "Why did I come in through Byakuya's garden gate instead of appearing in the rukongai?" Mara noticed his eyes widen slightly at the unexpected question. This was a truth teller. If Byakuya's report was accurate, then he did it because opening the main senkaimon during battle was impossible. Could he be trusted to answer his questions?

The question was odd but Renji knew it gave him an opportunity of some kind, even if it wasn't the one she was gunning for. _Two can play at your game, Ippin. _"Because I sent you there," Renji quipped.

_Oh, game on. _Mara didn't dignify his answer with a reply other than to narrow her eyes in challenge.

"My turn now?" Renji asked, still sporting his self-satisfied grin.

"Yup," Mara said pertly, her eyes snapping amber of laughter even if her face hadn't betrayed her yet.

"You really don't remember anything at all, not even small bits?" Renji asked in a deceptively light tone. He was fighting himself to keep from pleading. From begging. From screaming. He needed to know.

Mara's smirk finally touched her lips. "Technically, that's your second question in a row. Again."

_Of fucking course she would. _Renji wanted to scream so hard at the non-answer that it came out as a deep belly laugh, shocking them both. "Smart ass," Renji accused, shaking his head to calm himself, "Stickler."

"You aren't," Mara threw back, grin more distinct now in reaction to the unexpected mirth he had brought to the room, "Surprise, surprise."

Renji watched her closely, hoping not to lose her smile. It was a shadow of what used to shine at him, but it was something. Even her dry sarcasm was a welcome relief from the stone he had originally been facing. "You used to not be either," he said lowly.

"Hm," Mara said in acknowledgement, mostly to herself. She guessed she could see that. Was her first instinct at the jeering crowds in the academy not to break some rules and shut them up? Did she not just manipulate most of the captains in Seireitei to get this meeting? "Ok, I'll honor your question in return for the unwarranted info," she finally said with a small smile, "I have flashes of memory, feelings… they aren't even really things I'm conscious of."

"It's random things like my coffee order and the lyrics to songs. Only a few true bouts of memory have hit- in a hospital with a doctor I don't know. A flash right before falling in a white void" Mara ticked off on her fingers while studiously avoiding 'you are loved part' of that one, "and you telling me about senbonzakura. You aren't the only one to survive you know."

Renji narrowed his eyes at her less-than-vieled hint. "I had his bankai unleashed on me," he growled, "that wasn't anything. And I never said I was the only one to survive. But it so rare that it might as well be never."

Silence answered him in return to his rising ire. Mara made no move, no response.

"Your turn," Renji sighed, prompting her forward.

"Why did you go to hueco mundo?" She asked shortly. It was truth time again. She wanted to see if he would really answer her in full now that she had actually given something.

Surprised, Renji's eyebrows shot up again. Her questions seemed to be coming from left field. "You've researched me," he remarked with a curious tilt to his head.

"Duh," Mara deadpanned.

"To save Inoue Orihime," he answered shortly, looking at her intently, "My friend. Yours too."

_Not only are you a liar, but you can do it looking in my eye. Unforgivable. Thank you for reminding me that this is not a conversation. _"A lie by omission still a lie, Renji," Mara said softly, enigmatically, "but okay."

Confused, Renji looked at Mara through narrowed eyes. She didn't even bother to look at him. What on earth did she think he was lying about?

"Your turn," Mara said dejectedly, before adding as an afterthought, "Extra info won't get you more turns anymore."

"Can't blame me for trying," Renji tried to joke, but it fell flat as Mara did no more than turn her head back to face him. It sure felt like she was blaming him for something with her glare. "What triggers your memories?" he asked with a sigh, rubbing the back of his head and inadvertently displaying his taught chest and bulging biceps.

Mara simply responded with a shrug, not trusting her voice to not give away the lust in her at seeing the play of muscle along the large man's body. _Leave it to an ass to look like fucking Adonis, _she thought dourly.

Renji sighed tiredly again. "Not an acceptable answer."

Echoing his sigh, Mara finally eased into the chair across from him. She didn't trust herself not to leave the room after knowing he would handle this trade by lying. Still, she had to try to give adequate answers on her end in the hope of at least some useful information.

Renji watched her as she fell into the chair- biting her lip. At least she was thinking, he supposed, but damn did that little motion make him want to kiss her. 'Upon pain of death, swift and immediate' had been the threat if he touched her, but what a way to go…

"Words," Mara said softly, pulling Renji from his reverie, "Specific words that match memories seem to set it off."

She could see how Renji perked up at a chance of her remembering. "Don't get your hopes up," she said dryly, reading his response correctly, "Its only sometimes. Quite rarely in fact."

"Beach!" Renji blurted out.

Mara couldn't hide her surprise and confusion fast enough. _What on- _"What?"

"I'm trying it," Renji said excitedly, "Hat and clogs!"

"Uh-huh…" Mara said, wary of his exuberance.

Renji leaned forward on the edge of his chair. "Hospital, Ishida, sushi, Mrs. Yamaya… North Carolina!"

"Stop," Mara ordered with a groan, "Besides I've heard… most of those… at least once since I have been here."

"Worth a shot," Renji pouted, leaning back again.

"My turn," Mara stated, sitting up straighter.

"Nope," Renji quipped dryly, "you asked 'what'."

Mara couldn't fight the small grin that threatened her shattering mask. He had balls, she would give him that. It was definitely like he had done this with her before, like they had enjoyed it. "Smart ass," she said with a small smile.

_It's small but it is, in fact, a real smile. Hot damn. _"But not an ass," he replied obligingly, "Go ahead with your next question."

Eying Renji intently, Mara decided that he had become entirely too comfortable. So had she, if she was being honest with herself. _E-N-E-M-Y, girl. Enemy! Stop this shit, _she chastised herself. It was time to throw him off his game. "Who is Rukia?" She asked innocently.

_What the actual fuck? _"Byakuya's sister," he replied automatically, watching her eyes harden again as he spoke. Damn it, what the hell was up with these questions? Renji sighed deeply and searched for a fleck of life in Mara's eyes. Something. Anything. All he could see in the sad tilt of her brow and rapidly darkening amber flecks was… sadness and disappointment. She knew he wasn't telling the whole truth. _C'mon, Abarai, man up! You did it once…_ "She was someone I loved my whole life. And she left me, betrayed me… I doubt she will ever talk to me again," he said lowly, not breaking eye contact, "She was a girl who left me destroyed- before you came along and built me again."

Nothing showed on her face but inside Mara was fluttering. The truth written on his face. But then why was she alone? For the love of all things holy, why did he leave her alone!? She wanted to cry, wanted to beg him for an answer. _Its too soon, Mara. Don't let him know he hit you, he will just use it against you. Unforgivable. _

So Mara turned to the only defense she had, turn it all off. _Don't let yourself even feel. Don't reveal your cards, _she brutally instructed herself_. _"Your turn," Mara said tonelessly.

_She's shutting down. Crap. _"What did you see in your memory in the academy," Renji asked quickly, desperately trying to make it personal again. He had seen her lapse into turning her feelings off before a few times, though normally in a response to pain. Her walls were damn near unbreakable. He had to disrupt her building them before they were up.

"I was sitting on a chair outside somewhere. I think it was a café chair. They had some similar at the café I went to in District 1 in the rukongai. I was reading a magazine, but I don't know what it said and I was trying to pronounce 'Senbonzakura'. I couldn't see you across from me, but I know it was you because you were messing with my anklet and I saw the tattoos. My feet were on your knee.m,, very fear-inducing. You laughed at me and flicked my foot and explained that they were blades. 'A thousand small blades that shine like flower petals, able to cut from any angle, flowing too fast to fend off' is what you said and that it was too long to use as a name for a sword.

You called me 'Ippin'- that was another way I knew it was you. You verified that You had lived through it and said it was the first ever sign of respect you got from Byakuya," Mara recited tonelessly. She had described this to Hisagi and Grimmjow so many times it was just rote.

Renji's face fell as he heard her explanation, but he nodded at her answer. She was just so… dispassionate. Wait- her anklet. It was still tied to Zabimaru's hilt to return to her. He had had such high hopes when he put it there. It had given him such courage. Now, he guessed, she would never want it back. Never want him back.

"How did we meet?" Mara finally asked after receiving no response. She watched Renji, moved by the sadness he let play over his features. He seemed so flippant at moments, so sure… the tortured look didn't seem to belong on that chiseled face.

_Finally, something really about us_, Renji thought with a fleeting happiness. But Mara was still stone. A beautiful sculpture had replaced his Ippin and, just like the ones in those damn museums she dragged him to, he could neither touch nor connect to her. He had to make her interested, had to make her want to know as much as he wanted her to know. "Which time?" he asked vaguely.

Ha! There! It was so minute a movement that only someone who knew her well, which Renji did, would notice the furrow in her brow, the questioning glint in her eye.

"It's not your turn to question," Mara said icily, trying to hide her intrigue.

"All of them then," Renji conceded with a smirk, preening at the success of his small lead-on, "We saw each other for months but didn't speak. It was a standoff in silence; neither one of us acknowledged the other even though we were well aware of each other. You didn't approach me and I thought you couldn't see me."

Renji sighed deeply as he watched Mara following along with rapt attention even if she thought she was succeeding in hiding it. "The day the hollows attacked… something was different than before. I had been pining over Rukia in the sunrise when the light caught you and I just- God, you were so damn beautiful you took my breath away. Then hollows attacked our café and I realized you could in fact see me. You were hurt saving a kid and I saw you- really saw you. You were frozen in fear but you still leapt to save that boy. Even though you knew it would hurt you.

I watched them load you up and take you to the hospital and I saw how damn frail you were, how hurt, and how big your heart must actually be. I couldn't stay away from the hospital after that until you finally caught me. That's when we really talked and you began questioning me."

"About what?" Mara asked breathlessly.

_Keep her engaged, _Renji instructed himself, _but_ _the game is still going. _"Not your turn, Ippin," he said gently.

_Ass. _"I said don't call me that," Mara said petulantly.

"Tough shit," Renji retorted, "It's what you are." She was His Ippin, dammit. He could tell when he spoke of them that she felt SOMETHING.

_Not anymore, _Mara thought angrily, _unforgivable_. Pursing her lips, Mara took control of herself again- damn touchy-feely story got under her skin- and the flash of anger was gone as quick as it came. "Ask your damn question," she ordered him stoicly.

_Too stiff. Too stoic. That's what she meant when she said she could tell I was upset by my lack of upset, _Renji realized_. _"What's with your rietsu surges? Why are they happening?"

"It seems to come out when I remember things- a leftover from life maybe. I'm told that I am basically rietsu-less otherwise," Mara responded quickly, anxious for her turn and not bothering to hide it, "Now, what did I question you about?"

Smiling at her sadly, Rengi reached for her arm, catching himself at the last minute and pulling his hand back. It was like her porcelain skin called to him to touch it. He vaguely noted that she hadn't pulled away, even as close as he had gotten, but he didn't let himself dwell on it. Didn't allow himself hope. "You were very sick," he told her quietly, "You were dying and scared. You wanted to know what to expect."

Sadness. He could read it in her eyes plain as day. He didn't connect the same parallel in his mind that she had in hers: she was still scared and didn't know what to expect. She may not be sick now, but she was still being acted on my something she couldn't control.

But Renji saw enough to spare her the pain of having to respond. "Alright," he said with an uncomfortable cough, "How powerful are you?"

Mara didn't look up from where his hand rested so near her. He had almost touched her. He had almost comforted her knowing it was an immediate death sentence. The most surprising part was that it felt right to have him reach out to her. She could feel the heaviness of his hand on hers without a touch. For some reason she could smell cinnamon and salt lingering in the air and it calmed her.

Finally, Mara turned her eyes back to his and shrugged, leaning back away from him in her chair.

Renji fixed her with pointed stare.

"I don't know," Mara groaned with a frustrated eye roll, "I don't even know how to measure that. Fairly powerful? Fat lot of good it does me. Only comes out with memories which are few and far between."

Mara nibbled her lip before adding, "Grimmjow says I am very powerful- that a lot is hidden."

"The fucking hollow," Renji said with a sneer, "how reliable."

"Well, he has actually been there for me since I got here, so I would call him very reliable," Mara said tightly, "He would die for me, as you decided to test. Hell, he would kill for me- which you may still test."

Renji could feel the red beginning to fill his vision again. She was defending the fucking hollow? To him!? "He's an espada!"

"And?!" Mara retorted, her voice rising high in tension.

"Did nothing I taught you stick?" Renji snarled, levelling his piercing glare heavily on her.

_Taught me? Thank you for confirming that bit at least, _Mara cataloged in her head, _this familiarity is because I was told it all before by him, even the information about individual members._ Of course, she had suspected that along with Hisagi and Grimmjow, but it was always nice to work in definites. Her mention of the espada was a trick she would have to remember to keep him on edge, too. Renji's dislike seemed to go beyond the fact that shinigami versus hollow was a tale as old as time.

"It's not you turn," Mara said disinterestedly, "But no."

Ire rose from deep in the depths of Renji's heart as he watched Mara inspect her nails nonchalantly. Like she didn't just defend an espada, the same thing that broke them apart. Like she didn't just dismiss their time together as nothing noteworthy. Then she just stood there like a manicure was more important.

Or did she? For some reason the motion made him think of Matsumoto. It was something she did to feign unfeeling when upset. He had gotten to her- of course it was over the hollow who was out to make his life a living hell, but still… it was something. "Go then," Renji said, snarl calming back to a purr that gave Mara goosebumps. And he knew it.

_Holy Balls, how does he manage to sound like dangerous velvet? What the hell is wrong with my hormones right now?_ Mara mentally berated herself yet again. She had to keep her head in the game. He had been so angry. Surely, he couldn't be calm so suddenly. He needed to be raw, stripped so that he couldn't hide her truths. _Hit him. "_How did I die?" Mara asked blandly, meeting his eyes.

There it was. The pain, the hurt, the bone-aching sadness came and went in a flash. It was so strong that she could feel it her soul. She watched his cocky attitude drop away, leaving despair in its wake, before he slid the mask on. Before he tried to, anyways.

"You were sick." Renji answered shortly.

"Yeah, yeah," Mara groaned, "I know that." She waved her arm, displaying the medical tattoo on her arm. "Name: Mara Oliviera, age: 25, diagnosis-"

"26," Renji interrupted her quietly.

_What?_\- "26?"

Renji cleared his throat and the memories washed over him, making him want to laugh and cry all at once. "You were 26."

"Kind of short sighted for me to get a tattoo that would become inaccurate," Mara quipped, deflecting her surprise into an accusing look at her now invalid tattoo.

"You weren't supposed to hit 26," Renji elaborated, "so not really."

"But I did hit it…" Mara whispered, mostly to herself, though Renji could hear the longing in her voice. This was something she hadn't known, something he was giving her about herself that no one else could. In her weak voice and furrowed brow was where hope lived.

"You never did do what was expected of you," Renji told her with a small smile holding so much warmth that his eyes shone at her with it. "You turned 26 three weeks before you died. I snuck you out of the hospital to go to our park to spend just a bit of time away from the machines. I even brought you your favorite sushi from Okinawa for it."

Mara blinked her eyes quickly, betting away the moisture that was trying to gather there. _Damn him. And damn that look he keeps giving me. _"I probably died of tainted fish, then, from the trip it took to get it back to me," she said sarcastically.

"Nope. Flash step is a wonderful thing. I got that whole order back in 12 minutes," Renji declared, cockiness taking over his smile, "I'd say it was probably the 4th fastest I'd run in my entire life."

"How kind," Mara acknowledged with an eye roll.

"My top speed was 2 days before you died," Renji recounted, smile fading.

Mara watched as his emotions played just under the surface. She may just get her answers, real and unfiltered like she had wanted, now that he was full to bursting with memories and feeling. Mara looked at him pointedly. "Which you still haven't told me about," she led.

Renji's mouth chiseled into a hard frown, muscle in his jaw ticking. "I don't like to talk about it."

"Your comfort wasn't a part of the deal, Renji," she said impatiently.

Leaning his elbows on his knees, Renji rubbed his face. His tattooed fingers pressed together like a prayer as he looked around the edges of the room, trying to bring himself back under control before dropping both his hands and his gaze back to his lap. "It was a rough night and we… you pulled me to bed and comforted me, but you didn't wake up in the morning," Renji ground out, never looking up from his hands in his lap, "I couldn't wake you up. I ran all over that damn city looking for Ishida and Inoue, but they couldn't do anything. You went into a coma."

As Renji trailed off, barely able to control his whispered voice, Mara fought to keep her mask up. She wanted to reach for him. He sounded so hurt; he couldn't even look at her. It moved her heart. The sight seemed so strange- this man was so powerful but so broken. She waited for him to finish, her hands clenched in fists to keep them to herself.

"You were declared brain dead 6 hours later," Renji sighed before finishing succinctly, "They waited 2 days then had to pull the plug."

"What- why was there a wait- is that normal?" Mara scrambled for more information, caught off by abruptness of his ending.

"It's not your question," Renji ground out in a raw voice. Mara's questions stopped short at the sight of his red-rimmed eyes and tensing muscles. They were the only outward sign of how brutally he was reigning in his emotions and how close he was to finally breaking.

"Okay," Mara said meekly.

"I don't need your pity," he bit out.

"Then what DO you need?" Mara asked with a sigh. She was growing tired and frustrated with this game- a new sensation if there ever was one. It made him… shit, she didn't know what it made her feel about him, but it wasn't objective.

"You," Renji stated firmly, "I need you back."

She stared at him a long moment deciding how to play this. He was clearly shaken, just as she had meant for him to be. So, why did she want to reach out and comfort him so badly? It was a physical strain not to beckon him over and wrap his hand in hers, like she had walked him through something before. Her fingers itched to trace his tattoos up his arm until the tension melted.

_Unforgivable. _It rang in her head like a mantra. Mara focused on the anger that she had felt with that realization, but it eluded her. "What's your question?" she asked through gritted teeth, fighting for control.

"Do you remember anything about me at all?" Renji asked with exasperation. He tried to keep his tone light but fell flat.

"The senbonzakura thing," Mara said answered quickly.

"That you haven't already told me about." Renji enunciated each word with a clipped voice. Seeing that damn imperious eyebrow raised at him again, he added, "Don't look at me like that. You know what I meant."

"You sure? I'm pretty fragile," Mara said, attempting to tease him but really in a bid to buy time

"My ass," Renji snorted, "Quit stalling."

_Damn it. _Mara closed her eyes knowing that she was not winning this game, the same scene flashing in her head every time she closed her eyes. Every time she fucking blinked. For as much as she had rubbed him raw, he had done it right back. "Blood red. Remember. Bankai," she gasped out in a haunted whisper.

Genuine confusion twisted Renji's face. "What?"

"That's all I remembered when I tumbled through," Mara explained quietly, "Piercing eyes surrounded in red. I thought it was blood. Now that I've met you it may have been hair…"

"Both," Renji interjected, yanking Mara from her stupor and earning him a curious look.

"If it is from when you came through, then It was both," Renji clarified.

"Okay… and- and a deep voice was telling me to remember. Remember something," Mara stood in agitation, pacing in small circles to center herself, "And the voice yelled bankai. I know now it was you."

"It was," Renji confirmed lowly.

"And a little later on I remembered a green and black blur coming- coming so fast," Mara was panting with the intensity of the memories as she dove into them again, whirling on Renji. "And you! You told me to remember I was loved," she gasped out, the words were tumbling out unbidden, "then you swung a sword at my head!"

Renji's eyes shot open. _Is that why the hostility is there. Why she can't accept who I am to her or even what she was to me? _"I did not!" he denied loudly and vehemently, "I performed a konso!"

"A what!?" Mara asked, still breathing hard as she tried to calm herself down

"It's when you send the dead on to Soul Society," he answered quickly, desperate to make her realize he had never hurt her. Never would.

"That's a pretty name for killing someone all over again," Mara threw back at him doubtfully.

"It's not killing," Renji said, his own voice rising in protest

"Right," Mara shot back, doubtful and impatient, "Now answer my question. Why did they pull my plug?"

_Goddamn this woman! So desperate for a truth she won't even listen to! _Well, Renji decided, she was going to anyway. "Because you wanted to go," he snapped.

_Bullshit! "_Then why did it take two fucking days?"

"Me," Renji admitted, chagrined, head dropping back down to focus on his hands, "I couldn't let you go."

"Because…" Mara said, leading him.

"Not your turn," Renji snarled.

"That wasn't a question," she rebutted, her anger boiling just under the surface.

"Because I tried to stop them. Because I fought like hell for you against my best friends! My only friends! Is that what you want to hear?" Renji could see Mara recoil, eyes large and stoic mask broken in shock, but he couldn't stop. "And when they pinned me to a wall, I released so much rietsu that I tore the goddamn walls down until they drained me of that, too. I couldn't- I couldn't stop them," he finally choked out, voice threatening to break into sobs.

"No," Mara whispered as she finally sank into the chair again.

"No what?" Renji asked, raising wary eyes to hers as she watched him.

"No," Mara elaborated softly, "it's not what I want to hear."

"Why?" he choked out.

Mara gave no answer as her eyes darted anywhere but his face.

"Pretty damn sure it's my turn, Ippin," Renji demanded, "Answer the question."

_Because it makes you complicated! _she wanted to scream at him_, It makes me want to hold you. It makes me want to remember. God, I want to ease you but you are… unforgivable_." "Pretty damn sure I don't care," she bit out instead, "It's a shit question and technically two in a row."

"C'mon, Mar!" Renji urged her, losing his patience, "we never had to play games like this before."

"I have no 'before'!" she answered hotly, "As you correctly assumed, that the only reason I'm here. To fill in the blanks."

"Then ask dammit!" Renji replied, resisting the urge to reach out physically as he painted his heart on his sleeve with the look in his eyes. "Trust me to answer."

Mara's face hardened again. "No."

Renji heaved an exasperated sigh. "So fighting for you means you can't trust me?" he asked in confusion.

"Exactly," she replied shortly.

"For the love of-" Renji muttered in desperation, "What do you want, Ippin?!"

"For you to stop fucking calling me that!" she ranted, standing to resume her pacing again, her hands clasped behind her neck as she let out a deep breath.

"You're going to hear it any ways!" Renji raved right back. "About you. About us."

"I haven't been satisfied with your answers so far," Mara hissed.

"We were fucking meant to be," Renji continued, undettered, "You loved me-"

"No," Mara denied vehemently, shaking her head.

"And I loved you-"

"LIAR!" Mara yelled, spinning to face him.

"And when I fought for you not to die," Renji said, raising his voice over her pain, "I defied your plan-"

Mara fought back tears. The goal was to hurt him. To break him! And she did, she could see the change in him, but it was like his collapse was now only designed to take her down with him. "And you haven't stopped!" she accused him, "Clearly."

"Because I couldn't let you go," Renji kept going.

Resorting to violent head shaking, Mara could barely keep her mind on track in the face of his unrelenting assault on her feelings. "You've said that and I still don't believe it."

_She has to hear it_. Renji steeled himself to continue. "I begged Ishida not flip that switch while Sado pinned me to what was left of the wall-"

"Ha!" Mara scoffed, "You. Begging."

"I fucking begged him with everything I had in me," Renji said rising to stalk over in front of the obstinate woman, "because I knew there are no sure things in death. I told him that the only thing that was sure was right then, and that right then you loved me. I was your world and you were mine. You still are. I asked him what if it went away? What if I can't bring it back?"

Mara's steps had steadily retreated from his prowling. Her back to the wall, Renji leaned over bracing on his arm against the wall, "What if she won't love me again?"

She had heard those words. She could feel the memory sweep through her swiftly like a lightening bolt, gone before her rietsu could barely even rise. She didn't know where she was but she had heard them. A haze seemed to surround her but she heard the words, the screaming, the begging clear as day. They had yanked her from somewhere, somewhere dark. Her eyes widened with vague recognition.

"You remember," Renji said voice thick with emotion. He raised his hand to trace her jaw as he had so many times before, stopping himself at the last possible moment before touching her. His arm, his whole body, shook with the effort to resist her skin. Her.

Mara shook her head slowly, eyes closed against his towering presence.

"Yes, you do. You know it, know the feeling," Renji urged on in a croon, "God dammit, I can read it on your face."

Mind scattered, Mara tried desperately to stop the whirlwind in her head. She tried to pull her mask back on but all she succeeded in doing was leaning her head into the lingering warmth of his hand. So close.

Renji could see her struggle. She had to be so afraid, so overwhelmed. He couldn't help but gasp, his own eyes misting in disbelief as she settled her soft cheek against his calloused hand. "It's okay," he whispered, "You don't have to hide. You've never been able to hide behind that mask with me, Ippin."

At the touch of his fingertips, Mara's mind flared back to life with a vengeance. _It's not okay. Unforgivable. _Anger flashed in her eyes as she opened them to fix on his face, the amber flecks burning the like living sparks. "I can do whatever I damn-well set my mind to," she vehemently hissed, pushing hard on Renji's chest.

Renji didn't budge. "That's true," he agreed.

"Once upon a time it wasn't. That's when we grew. You have no idea how much you couldn't do but we made a hell of a team," he said with a grin, remembering how he had said the same thing on the beach a lifetime ago, "That's why we planned, that's why you have that tattoo guiding you back to me. So that you can do that again…"

Mara pursed her lips. "I don't believe you," she sneered, denial in her eyes as her face set back into hard lines.

Renji wasn't going to let her off that easy. "But you're curious," he pressed.

"Fuck you," Mara spat out, "I'm done here."

"Curious enough to come back and meet me again next week!" Renji declared.

"Over my dead body!" Mara protested, ducking out from under the cage of his arms.

"You're angry" he observed.

"Damn right I am," she confirmed, fixing him with a withering glare.

"Careful Mara, 'you will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished BY your anger'," Renji quoted to her.

"'The world needs anger. The world often continues to allow evil because it isn't angry enough'," she quoted back in a split second.

Renji couldn't contain his smirk at her immediate response.

Mara rolled her eyes, seeing his trap of child's play. "Cute."

"Next week?" Renji probed

"Shuuhei!" Mara yelled out, not breaking eye contact with Renji as she did, "Grimmjow!"

The door slid open so quickly that it knocked from its hinges revealing Hisagi, a storm in his eyes and power crackling around him. At the same time, the window burst open amidst a loud crash of shattering glass. Grimmjow leaned on the sill, looking relaxed with his wide, blood-thirsty smile, but he was coiled and ready to spring, trapping Renji in from another side.

"Hisagi," Renji nodded at the other man in greeting.

"Abarai," Hisagi responded, exchanging a deep look with the other man, trying to read feelings from old friend but failing in reading anything.

Mara turned to leave through door with Hisagi, but she stilled when saw Renji's sword sitting on the table by door. She knew that she knew this sword; knew it so well she could have numbered the stitches in the scabbard… but something was different. Her fingers reached out to gently lace through the thin thread anklet now decorating the hilt. Her anklet. He had carried her with him even when the future wasn't sure. Even when she had sworn she was alone. _Shit._

"Mara?" Hisagi asked her, the cloud in his eyes turning to concern.

"Next week, Lieutenant Abarai?" Mara asked softly without looking back.

Renji fought his shit-eating grin as both of the other men's faces fall in shock and horror. "Same time, same place," he verified.

Mara acknowledged his answer with a silent nod. Like it or not, even if it shredded her heart every single time, she knew that Renji had the answers to who she was and why she was so different. She had to meet him again.

The smile inside Renji withered, however as Mara walked to Hisagi and wrapped her arms around his neck. Hisagi instinctively returned her hold. Mara looked back at Grimmjow, not sparing Renji a glance. "Home," she commanded.

"Okay, Koi," Hisagi said, beginning to lead her away.

Mara fisted her hands in the lapels of Hisagi's haori, glancing back at Grimmjow again with red-rimmed eyes, before fixing her watery gaze back on Hisagi. "Right the hell now" she said hoarsely, voice wavering.

Hisagi pulled her into bridal hold without hesitation and both men stepped away so fast that even Renji's eyes could barely follow

Was that progress, he wondered to himself. It felt more like pain. He had a meeting with her again, so that was... something. They had gotten so close today. She had remembered something! But he couldn't get that haunted look she gave Hisagi and the espada out of his head. That trill of tears in her voice hit his soul like a jackhammer.

God, was he so weak that he was willing to give her pain just to have her? Would it cause her more pain if he stopped? If he managed to get her back, would she even still be Ippin?


	33. Chapter 32: Stay Awake With Me

(A/N) Another day another chapter! song for the chapter is London Grammar- Stay awake . Listen, read and Love! If you want to vary it too, tho Twenty One Pilots- Goner goes where the asterisks are ( ** ) . Alright, happy reading, stay safe, and if possible, still stay home.

**Chapter 32**

Mara let the darkness wrap around her like a shield, concealing her tumultuous feelings and somber face, as she wandered the empty streets and paths of division 9. She didn't know where she was going; she didn't particularly care. She simply wanted to lose herself in the pitch-black stillness in hopes that the calm dark could quiet her wailing mind.

She was so overwhelmed by the day. She had gone in so clear. Everything had been so planned. Then it had all blown up so spectacularly that her mind was still reeling. The phrase hell in a handbasket didn't even cover it. Her hell was scattered into smoldering bits the same color as that bastard's hair. They crashed around her with murderous intent.

Maybe they couldn't find her in the dark.

She wandered the maze of streets and alleyways in the division sightlessly. She turned strange corners and wound her way down paths the same way she was doing in her mind. Her thought processes were a series of sharp turns and dead ends as she circled the same question.

What the fuck just happened?

Mara had been so overwhelmed that she hadn't even relished her flash-stepped journey home. The howling wind hadn't drowned out the tempest in her head. She had barely held it together enough to call for them. It took everything in her to ask them to take her home faster without bursting into tears- or screams. She would have begged them to not make her walk for fear that her legs would give out from under her.

She just couldn't understand where, or how, it had turned. She had gone in there with a simple plan. She had been able to hook him so easily through Hisagi that she hadn't thought she would need more. Find out if he was friend or enemy, find out if he would tell the truth- then catch him off guard, bend him, break him. Done and done.

And the crazy part was that it had worked. Not just worked but succeeded beautifully. She could read his confusion like a book. He broke so damn hard you heard the snap. So how the hell had the brute managed to make her collapse under the weight of his own breaking? He played his cards with all the skill of a Go Fish master for christ's sake! He thought he could hook, line, and sinker her- tch. Noob.

_But it worked on you at first..._

Mara tightened her arms around herself as a slight chill crept in with the nighttime breeze. She looked up to the swath of stars, shaking her head at herself as she replayed their conversation. It had worked at first, she admitted to herself. Not even because it was delivered with any level of skill, though it was decent, but because of him. She was so damn distracted by him that she forgot how to function.

Renji's ultimate ploy had apparently been to get under her skin and it had worked like a fucking charm. In all honesty, now that she could look back on it, how he approached her told her more about him and them than their actual talk. He had clearly tried to hook her, and succeeded, multiple times because he knew where to aim. It was like he knew that her wall was the hardest part to breach. Like he knew that chaos lived behind it. He had made her feel it.

It was possibly the single most self-destructive strategy that Mara had ever seen, she realized. He had managed to pique her interest, but he couldn't reel her in, so he had changed to making her remember. When memories held no emotional value, he had tried to play off obvious emotions. But when that hadn't worked… fuck, he had used emotions that she wasn't even conscious of. He had given himself as the sacrificial pawn in hopes of winning a much larger battle. A much longer game.

_He made me care, _she thought, pressing chilled fingers to her cheek where his touch lingered.

No, they had definitely not been friends. He had begged, he had fought, and his cries had reverberated in her soul so thoroughly that she had been yanked back from death itself, it seemed. He hadn't lied.

It made no sense though! Mara couldn't help but rave internally, so much so that her steps almost faltered. If he could love that hard, why was she alone? If all of the, rather vague, reports she had read were correct, then the toss through and subsequent week were understandable. Can't go find someone when you are in a Minazuki, whatever that is. But after that, where was he? This raging warrior turned up two weeks after that, demurely following behind the asshole with the crowns. Not looking for her. Not doing anything! That was not love!

Love was being there. Love was giving it all. Love was…. Love was what Hisagi did, Mara realized, and what Grimmjow did. Hisagi fought for her and defied them all. Grimmjow threw himself in harms way, fought despite the punishment. They came when she called. They were ride or die. Hell, they may not even love her! So if they could do it….

Mara's thought inevitably wound back to the duo who were seemingly both her savior and her downfall. They had rushed her from the 6th without question and without a backward glance. Sensing her mood, neither had said a word to her until they had set her down at the barracks door. She had turned to go inside silently, when Hisagi's heavy hand had fallen on her shoulder, causing her to turn back to them. Their eyes were heavy with worry, but they waited in silence. The questions hung unasked in the air.

"Please," she had asked softly, unable to meet their eyes, "please don't."

"Koi…?" Hisagi had asked softly.

He was breaking her heart. She knew what he was asking. They had felt the rietsu rise, flash as it had been. They needed to know if she was still… there.

Sucking up her inner pain, Mara had met those stormy eyes that were raging like an Arctic sea. Reaching up, she laid her hand on his at her shoulder. "Otto," she confirmed with a broken smile, before slipping from his hand and disappearing in the door.

In her room Mara had sat on the futon and just… stared. She couldn't cry. That would mean feeling and she had had far enough of that. She couldn't have spoken to them if she had wanted to. There were no words. She just hurt, hurt in a way she could neither describe nor dampen. The pain emitting from a place that she couldn't remember, but lack of a source did nothing to stem the flow.

She didn't know how long she had sat in her stupor when she heard them, their voices no more than deep rumbling murmurs. Somewhere beneath her she could just make out Hisagi and Grimmjow standing in the faint moonlight. Hisagi looked like he was explaining something and Grimmjow had his hands laced behind his head as he listened unhappily.

"So what? Is it over?" Grimmjow asked brusquely.

"You heard her," Hisagi replied, "It isn't over yet."

"For you maybe," Grimmjow growled out so low that Mara broke out in goosebumps.

"For any of us, I don't think," Hisagi explained, just as low and challenging.

Grimmjow dropped his hands into his pockets, turning his back on the captain and began walking away.

"Where are you going?" Hisagi hissed.

"I can't do this right now," Grimmjow replied without turning around, "I need to go hit something."

"Not a person, please," Hisagi ground out.

Grimmjow's only answer had been to wave goodbye with his middle finger in the air.

Mara was jogged from her thoughts by running into a wall that seemingly appeared out of nowhere. She had been so distracted that she wasn't watching where she was going and she looked around, trying to place her surroundings. She was surprised to have found herself outside the training rooms of the practice arena.

_I guess Grimmjow was onto something when he said to hit something, _she smiled to herself as she entered the room in front of her. It wasn't what she expected with dark walls, tatami matting, and rice paper window coverings but it filled her with a deep-seated sense of calm. The room was bare minus racks of wooden training weapons pushed near the walls. For some reason they called to her to pick them up.

Slowly she dragged her fingers over the handles of Kendo swords, short sword, even dos pares sticks. Interesting that they had Brazilian weapons, she realized, and even more interesting that she knew what they were. The realization faded as she reached the tall rack of bow staffs in varying lengths and sizes and she began to root through them like she knew what she was looking for.

In the back was a small staff, less than a foot taller than Mara and proportionally thin. Without even realizing what she was doing, she walked onto the mat while twirling the staff through her fingers as she went. At the center of the room, she effortlessly assumed a fighting stance and twirled the staff through the air gracefully. Mara's eyes closed as she flowed to the other foot, dropping into a horse stance while she moved the bow across her, then raising up on the toe of the other foot to jab. Her body assumed a rhythm all its own, one long forgotten, and Mara moved herself to its art unconsciously.

Her muscles strained from disuse, but the burn felt good. This felt right. With every movement that her muscles seemed to recall, a piece of Mara's battered soul seemed to ease. So lost was she in the form that her mind was recalling, that she didn't feel the tears that flowed down her cheeks. She forced herself into a painfully slow pace, relishing the strain and trying to extend the glorious memory as everything else faded away.

Grimmjow had woken up to the sound of rattling wood in the practice room down the hall from the weight room. After beating the wooden Mook Jong until it splintered, he'd decided to try to break himself in the weight room. Instead, after countless reps, he had fallen asleep on the weight bench.

He was a light sleeper though, always had been. Always had had to have been. The soft clatter of the staffs might as well have been a gunshot and he jolted to alertness. Silently grabbing his zanpakuto from next to him, he padded on soundless feet to the weapons dojo.

His jaw dropped when he saw that the intruder was none other than the girl that he was trying to beat out of himself. He watched as Mara eased slowly into a deep forward stance with a downward swing of her bow before she arched back up. She twirled the weapon over head and raised on one foot as she turned. He could see the barest bits of rietsu floating in the air, leaving swirling tracks behind the movements of her hands. She moved with her eyes closed, like the death this form could inflict was just a dance.

If he hadn't already been in love before, Grimmjow knew he would be now. She had turned his destruction into something so fucking beautiful it hurt.

His iridescent eyes followed her movements, noting that she was moving the staff like she had trained for years, before she froze. Mara's eyes met his as she finally opened them while turning. She gasped in surprise as the staff clattered to the floor.

"S-sorry," Mara stuttered, leaning to grab the staff hurriedly to juggle it haphazardly in her hands.

Grimmjow watched her closely, wondering at the change. "Why?" he asked shortly.

"I-" Mara stuttered, face dropping into a frown. Shit, why was she sorry? It was a practice room. She was… practicing. Kind of. "I don't know," she sighed, leaning heavily on the staff as she stretched her feet against the mats.

"For a second there it looked like you knew what you were doing," Grimmjow remarked with narrowed eyes as he noticed the wetness on her cheeks as she was bathed in the low light from the sliver of moon outside.

"Maybe I do," she whispered hoarsely, looking up and down at the staff in her hand, "or did, at least."

"Seems like it was a better memory session than tonight," he tried to lead her, speaking lowly.

"It was," she agreed.

Turning away from him, Mara began to twirl the staff slowly, stiffly. She dropped into a fighting stance with the same arc of her staff as before, trying to recreate what she had done. The memory gave her that set of moves, he realized as she stumbled, but not the full knowledge. Not the exquisite pain that had driven it.

Mara straightened back up, casting her eyes back over her shoulder at him as he stood still and silent. "I don't want to talk, Makenai Hito," she told him throatily.

He could hear the sob at the edge of her voice. "Good," he replied offhandedly, earning him a confused look as he set his zanpakuto down and strode purposefully toward the rack of staffs, "I don't either."

Mara watched him with wary curiosity as he stretched his shoulders across his body before reaching behind the rack to pull out a tall, ebony staff, streaked with dark blue rivulets that had been leaning against the wall. She could feel herself give a small grin. _Of course, he has his own, _she thought to herself with a snort.

"What?" Grimmjow asked rhetorically as he strode to the room in front of her, "Fucking practice."

Mara watched as he grabbed the ends of the staff and twirled his wrists with its counterweight before flipping it across his midsection a few times. Her eyes grew wide, however when he dropped to a fighting stance after swinging the bow overhead. He moved his center of gravity, bringing himself into a horse stance before sliding the staff forward in a jab, raising to put his weight on the other foot. He was doing her form.

Grimmjow shot her a pointed look over his shoulder and Mara realized that he wanted her to follow along. She quickly tried to mimic his foot placement as she began again, but she stumbled as she dropped into the long first stance.

Silently, Grimmjow stood back up and repeated the initial move, remaining in the forward pose as she repeated it behind him.

Mara landed again and didn't stumble, but she was wobbly. Without changing his stance, Grimmjow reached over with his bow and lightly hit the inside of Mara's ankle of her back foot. Obediently Mara moved her foot outward, widening her stance and feeling the new steadiness.

Rising, Grimmjow repeated the move again and Mara mirrored it perfectly. Slowly, he flowed into the jab, remaining where he was as she caught up. He again reached over with the staff, this time pulling on her back elbow. Mara obediently pulled it back, lengthening her grip on the weapon.

Again, Grimmjow rose and started from the first movement in the sequence. Again, Mara followed his movements. This time when her grip was too short on the weapon, he gave her a light crack across the knuckles. He ignored her glare as he rose and began the form anew.

Mara's hand stung as she followed suit, but her hand placement was correct this time. In unison they swung their left feet back in an arc, changing position with a knee strike before swinging the bow upward. As they executed a complicated sequence to flip the bow around and turn it into an overhead strike, Mara lost her grip and the staff clattered to the floor.

Patiently, Grimmjow waited for her to pick it up before starting over from the beginning again. Every mistake resulted in starting over as Grimmjow silently taught her what her memories had left out.

How long they went on like that, neither was sure, but by the end of it, the entire form was perfect and both were exhausted. Mara's legs and arms shook as she dropped to sitting on the floor beside the discarded staff. She pushed her knees to the ground in a butterfly stretch before raising them both up to rest her chin on. She felt like she should still be upset, but she was so damn tired that she couldn't be. The burning in her body overwhelmed any pain trying to linger in her heart.

Mara turned to look up at Grimmjow as he grabbed the staff from next to her and took it to go put it away with his own. She watched him carefully, realizing that he did this for her. Somehow, he knew what she needed and he gave it to her without her even having to ask him. Perhaps in spite of her not asking. Following his movements with wide eyes, she watched as he walked up to sit directly behind her, placing her between his legs.

They still didn't talk. They didn't need to, even as he pulled off her sticky overshirt, revealing her scarred shoulders.

**Grimmjow could feel Mara's sharp inhale more than hear it as he ran his hand over the myriad of small scars on her upper arms and shoulders but he could feel the tension ease from her body as he kneaded his thumbs in between her shoulder blades over spine. His strong fingers worked the knots from her neck, eliciting a whimper that made him grind his teeth for control. Reverently, he let his fingers trace her curves as he worked his thumbs down her spine.

He couldn't help but be in awe at how delicate she felt after he had just seen her put up with his training without a word of complaint. He looked at her red knuckles and was even more impressed by her determination. She hadn't stopped when it was hard. She didn't break her concentration even though he could tell something was breaking inside her. She kept going until it was perfect.

Mara unwound her arms from her legs as Grimmjow finished rubbing the heels of his hands up and down her back and she leaned into his hard body. He propped himself up on one arm, wrapping the other around her. She held his hand where it splayed across her side, tracing his fingers lightly as she laid her head on his shoulder.

"Grimmjow…" Mara whispered lightly after they had sat that way for untold minutes.

"Hm?" he grunted in response.

"What do you want from me?" she asked softly, defeat and exhaustion loosening her tongue.

Grimmjow's jaw ticked as he didn't answer. That was a loaded question, and he wondered if she knew that. Hell, of course she knew that. All she had been hearing was what people fucking wanted from her. Sereitei wanted their answers, Renji wanted her memories, even Hisagi wanted commitment. He had to want something right?

_Power, _the dark voice hissed in his head, _to be king, to destroy it all. _But did he want that? Did he want to trap her into something, confine her in his will? How in the hell could he do that to her when he knew confinement so well- when it had been forced on him for so damn long.

He couldn't help but wonder, as Mara's tracing of his fingers stopped and she turned in his arms to look at him with worry, what he really wanted… _fuck me. _He wanted more mornings like yesterday, more nights like tonight. He wanted more companionable silence and more raucous laughter. He wanted her, even just a goddamn piece of her.

"You are just a dream, Yume," he told her lowly, turning toward her with a dark, unreadable look, "I'll take whatever you are willing to give me."

Mara looked at him with wide unblinking eyes, trying to read him, trying to verify the truth of his words. But Grimmjow, she knew, was unapologetically himself and it made his words infinitely more powerful. She twisted around to straddle hips and couldn't help but to wrap him tightly in a hug. His admission had freed something in her and she took a deep shaky breath and relished the only darkness that was truly comforting.

Settling a hand lightly on her hips, Grimmjow traced a light finger slowly up and down Mara's back as she relaxed against him. He focused on the feel of her pressed to him to try to keep his inner voice at bay. The one that whispered to him that he could be everything she needs in order to take her over. The one that would get him his freedom but cost him… This.

He waited, holding her, and felt as Mara's breathing evened out. She finally caved to her exhaustion before he lifted her up to carry her back to her bed.

As he made his way back to the dormitory, he saw Hisagi's lamp still burning in his office. _Guess we weren't the only ones who couldn't sleep tonight, _he thought wryly as he diverted his path to the offices instead. Mara was out cold, and he couldn't say that he minded keeping the girl in his arms for an extra few minutes.

As he wound the hallways, he could feel his inner voice screaming at him, railing against the cage that her existence had created in him. _Why are you taking her to him? Why give him a chance with what is yours? Why give Soul Society the power in her!? _it hissed at him but he tamped it down with a ruthless growl. At Mara's slight movement, he turned it into a purr that settled her instantly.

Hisagi sat up with a start, his eyes immediately widening in concern, as Grimmjow slid the door open with his foot.

"What happened to her?" Hisagi asked, jolting up from his chair so fast that he knocked it over.

"She's sleeping," Grimmjow said in a whisper, "She turned up at the training grounds, couldn't sleep I guess, and I wore her out."

Hisagi narrowed his eyes dangerously. "You what?" he asked venomously.

"Calm your tits, Cap," Grimmjow retorted, "I came here as a courtesy. I know you had planned on moving her room, thought you may want to come with me to take her there, asshole."

While Hisagi had the grace too look slightly chastised, the spark of jealousy still burned in his eyes. "Want me to carry her?" he managed to ask wryly.

"Fuck no," Grimmjow sneered with just a touch too much malice, before adding jokingly, "Lead the way, Cap!"

The pair took the girl to her new room and Hisagi was actually thankful for the late hour so that no one was in the halls. He was going to honor his promise to play nice with Grimmjow for the sake of Mara's choice, but they did have to play it carefully. If word got out that their engagement wasn't set in stone, she could be in serious danger. He trusted his men, but it only took one too many shots of saki and a set of listening ears.

He let out a soft sigh of relief as he opened her new room and Grimmjow set her on the large, soft bed.

Whistling lowly, Grimmjow's eyes cast around the room, taking in the deep teal bed coverings and built in bath. "You went all out, huh?" he teased, cackling at how the other man flushed slightly.

"It's hardly done, I'm sure she will want to make it personal," Hisagi coughed lightly, "but she deserves better. Deserves everything."

Grimmjow couldn't help but nod in agreement even as his heart became heavy. She did deserve the best and what was he but a… monster. Scarred, dark, and hard. Hisagi could give her everything. He pulled the covers over Mara, face like stone until she grabbed his hand and he froze in his tracks.

"Don't go," she mumbled sleepily.

Grimmjow's eyes widened to saucers and he couldn't help but cast a frantic look at Hisagi whose face had paled into a mask of pain. Hisagi met his eyes and for once Grimmjow couldn't read the captain's normally open expression.

Swallowing hard, Hisagi only gave a short nod of assent before turning to leave.

"You too," Mara mumbled without opening her eyes, reaching a grasping hand in Hisagi's general direction.

Now both men's eyes were wide as they exchanged a confused look at each other.

Mara finally cracked her eyes open to see them gaping at her and each other. Realizing what she was asking of them in her sleepy stupor, Mara looked between them with a tortured expression. She just... didn't want to be alone and, god help her, she couldn't pick between them. "Never mind," she said, more grumpily than she meant to, as she dropped Grimmjow's hand, rolled over, and curled into a tight ball.

Mara squeezed her eyes shut and could hear shuffling and thumping as the men seemed to leave the room… until Mara felt the bed sink behind her. She lifted her head so her pillow could be moved and replaced by a strong curled arm. The sent of rain washed over her and she sighed out, "Otto."

"You knew it was me?" Hisagi asked, smiling into her hair as he wrapped a strong arm around her waist and pulled her back flush against him.

"Of course," she murmured as she snuggled her head into his bicep, feeling his leg part hers to slide up intimately, "You're my rain."

"What does that make me?" Grimmjow questioned softly, as he slid up the front of her, pulling her top leg over his waist.

Mara moaned at the motion that rubbed her in all the right places causing both men to still and bite their tongues. "My darkness," she crooned, tracing the edged of his fanged jawbone before twining her fingers in his hair to pull him close against her.

"Koi," Hisagi probed lowly, "You've asked us we want… what do you want?"

"Both of you," she whispered so softly they could barely hear her, her cheeks tinging a light pink.

Raising their heads from the pillows, the men gave each other heavy looks. Did this mean the game was over or just beginning? Grimmjow couldn't help but remember his answer to her in the dojo and broke the stand-off first. He would only take what she could give. This time he rose his eyes in question to Hisagi.

"We can do that, Koi," came Hisagi's reply, as quiet as her own, but his face was still ponderous as he lowered his head back down out of Grimmjow's view.

"Dark and rainy," Grimmjow chuckled, "sounds depressing."

"Nm-mm," mumbled Mara, tugging his hair gently as she laced the fingers of her free hand with Hisagi's, "Its perfection."


	34. Chapter 33: Beautiful Dreamer

(A/N) some story building but I tried to keep it interesting. Song at end of chapter is Missio- I Don't Give A (for the chorus, you'll see why)

Chapter 33

_So, this is how it's going to be, _Hisagi thought as he and Grimmjow continued their silent stare off over breakfast. It wasn't that Grimmjow had ever been the easiest guy to get along with, but he had to admit that he held a begrudging respect for his combat instructor. It had taken years, but they had actually come to have a good working relationship. Sometime in there they had even started to become friends.

Before her.

They had left her up in her new room where she continued to sleep off the events of the day before. Normally she was the first up between all of them and was a successful buffer between them. Now, however, their individual desires hung like a fog silencing their banter and twisting around their necks as surely as his bankai would have done.

"About last night-" Grimmjow began slowly.

"What about it?" Hisagi grumbled, stabbing the fruit on his plate like he was trying to carve out its heart, "She wanted both."

"And?" Grimmjow pressed, not in the mood for word games, "You reassured her."

"Only for last night," Hisagi said, not quite working up the gumption to roll his eyes.

Grimmjow did manage the eye-roll at his captain. "You might want to make sure she takes it that way."

"You can't honestly believe she wants both of us," Hisagi gaped at him.

"You are such a strait-laced mother fucker," Grimmjow snarked, "Stranger things have happened literally in our own rooms."

All Hisagi could do in reply was snort

"So, what if she does?" Grimmjow asked seriously.

Hisagi chuckled mirthlessly as he stared down the surprisingly open faced espada. "Are you really going to sit there and tell me that you are okay with that?"

"Not gonna lie to you, Cap, and say that don't want to rip your still-beating heart out of your goddamn chest every time you touch her," Grimmjow said, raising his eyebrows in admittance, "but it's not about me."

Hisagi's brows lowered in confusion. Who the hell was this he was talking to right now? "Since when?" he scoffed

"Since I fucking decided it," Grimmjow growled.

Shaking his head, Hisagi couldn't help the low laugh that escaped him at Grimmjow's definite, if questionable, thought process. "I swear, Jaegerjaques, you wouldn't know temperance if it came up and kicked you in the ass."

"That is… entirely true," Grimmjow agreed lightly.

"I don't know, man," Hisagi groaned as he pushed away his half-full plate, "I almost ripped your throat out last night just at the insinuation. Fucking sharing a girl- the girl I love…"

Grimmjow waited for Hisagi to finish with a knowing look.

"I know," Hisagi said in response his look, "I know. It's for her happiness. I said I would do anything for her, but I just can't wrap my head around this."

"Do I have to give you finger trap example again, Cap?" Grimmjow asked, unable to fight the maniacal smile.

"Ha. Ha. Ha," Hisagi said sarcastically, though his smile finally reached his eyes, "It's just that last night was not what I had in mind when I agreed to play nice."

Barking a laugh that almost sounded amused instead of maniacal, Grimmjow turned a toothy grin at Hisagi. "Cool your jets, Cap. That was just sleeping."

"It better have just been sleeping," a worn but melodious voice intoned.

Both men turned with guilty expressions to see the topic of their discussion pulling up a chair to the end of the table before thumping herself in it heavily. Her hair was tousled and thrown into a high messy bun, wisps framing her face unintentionally. Her dressing robe was still tied high, but her customary high collar was missing. Mara looked at them both with an exhausted but bemused expression before laying her head back straight down on the table.

"Because I hate to tell you guys this, but if there was more then you need to brush up on your skills because I slept straight the hell through."

While Grimmjow snorted in amusement, Hisagi tilted his head comically sideways to look at Mara's face. "You ok, Koi?" he asked with concern that did little to hide his amusement at her current state. While he wouldn't call Mara a morning person, she was normally functioning better than this.

"Otto," she pouted, holding out a large orange, "help?"

Taking the orange, Hisagi looked at it then back at her. "Help?" he asked, with a twinkle in his eye, "Are you being beaten by the orange?"

Pooching out her bottom lip, Mara nodded at him from her prone position. If it hadn't been so funny, the begging sheen in the large, expressive eyes would have brought Hisagi to the brink of either ripping her clothes off or giving her the damn moon itself.

"Aww, what's the problem, Sleeping Beauty," drawled Grimmjow, poking one of her arms that lay on the table supporting her head, "You get a little worn out?" The answering groan, exaggerated into fake crying, sent him into cackles again.

"Worn out so bad you need me to peel your breakfast, even?" Hisagi joined in the teasing. He tossed the orange lightly in his hand in front of her face, watching with amusement as her eyes followed the bouncing fruit.

"I'd say you could help, considering you left me alone in an unfamiliar room without any clean clothes," she said with an exaggerated glower, "I had to hobble my way down here and I am so damn sore and I'm not even in underwear!"

Hisagi's eyes darkened with heat, hand stilling as he resisted the urge to rip her away from the table. "Are you fu-"

"Considering you seem to are drawing an audience, Yu- Mara," Grimmjow cut Hisagi off, stuttering for control himself, "You may not want to announce that so loudly."

Mara finally lifted her head slightly from the table, glancing between the two men with a mischievous smile tugging at the edges of her lips. Her gaze settled on Hisagi as the twist of her lips turned in to a venomously sweet smile. "Breakfast," she whispered the order, "Or I yell it."

Hisagi's smile turned wicked as he watched her mouth open in threat. "Bakoudo 1: Sai- Kichi Ni," Hisagi said, wrapping the gentlest of the restraining bakoudo around Mara's mouth instead of her arms with a small flick of his fingers. Mara's eyes grew wide as she realized she couldn't open her mouth, couldn't make a sound at all. Keeping his eyes locked on Mara's to make sure she was okay, Hisagi leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss to her frozen lips as he whispered, "No, you won't."

Grimmjow watched with a mix of humor and worry before he saw Hisagi immediately release Mara's gag with another flick of his fingers. That had been… well, he had to admit that with some binding kido in the mix that Hisagi's 'proclivities' may have some fun outcomes.

"What the fuck was that?!" Mara screeched out in an impossibly high pitch, successfully drawing every eye in the room on her. She wanted to be angry but Hisagi's playful smile drew her own out. His twinkling eyes held a deeper, darker heat that made her heart flutter.

"That was kido- more specifically bakoudo. Binding spells that are fueled by rietsu," Hisagi explained finally peeling the orange for her.

"Hmm," Mara hummed thoughtfully, still piqued from him sealing her mouth, "Seal my mouth shut again and I'll stand up and start stripping, Otto."

Hisagi's cheeks tinged pink, but he handed her a wedge of orange with a smirk still turning the corners of his mouth and lightening his eyes. "Cute."

Mara plastered on the most innocent mask she could muster. "What is?" she asked, fluttering her lashes.

"That you think your mouth is all he can bind," Grimmjow purred roughly from her other side.

Mara's eyes darted between the two men, realizing that she had raised more than just the heat in the room. They looked downright predatory. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry! No stripping in front of the squad," Mara stuttered quickly, hands raised in submission.

The men looked at her warily, her sudden awkwardness and worried expression pulling them back to seriousness.

"You ok, Yume?" Grimmjow asked under his breath.

At the same time Hisagi reached gently for her hand. "I'm sorry, Koi, if you don't like… any of that I… I was just teasing," he stuttered, remorse painting his features.

"Y'all didn't do anything wrong," Mara answered as she gripped Hisagi's hand in return, laying her other for a moment on Grimmjow's tense forearm. Meeting Hisagi's torn look and reading his insecurity there, Mara pulled him in close, kissing him gently on the cheek.

"You did nothing wrong, Shuu," she whispered in his ear as she felt his hands settle on her arms shakily, almost as if prepared to push her away, "And I find that what you like intrigues me, too. Don't worry."

Hisagi's grip had tensed on her arms and he pulled her to pass a feather-light kiss over her mouth before releasing her. Handing her another slice of orange, he watched with renewed amusement as she turned it to look like a smile before popping the whole thing in her mouth, eyes sparkling.

Grimmjow watched her, worry still tinging his thoughts as he saw that her smile didn't seem to reach her eyes, even as they squinted in laughter. "Considering last night, Yume," his gruff voice too soft for others to hear, "we just…"

Mara cut in as his voice trailed off. "I'm sorry about that," Mara said softly, "That wasn't fair of me."

"Koi, you didn't-" Hisagi began.

"No," she interrupted him, "I did. I put you guys in a hard position; I won't do it again. I just got so… so thrown off! I just- I just didn't want to be alone and I- I wanted- I can't…" Mara stopped speaking as she panned her eyes around the room, noting all the people who seemed to be eyeing the table in curiosity. "I know about y'alls agreement and I pushed that way too far because of yesterday," she finished in a whisper.

"Speaking of yesterday," Grimmjow led in carefully, "you planning on telling us what that fucker did?"

Mara's face drew into lines of stress again, mouth pursing into a hard line. "Yeah," she began but Hisagi cut her off. He had noticed the looks cast their way as well.

"But not here," he said standing up, handing Mara the rest of her orange. "Let's go to my office."

"No!" Mara whimpered comically, "Please don't make me walk anymore!"

Grimmjow smirked as Hisagi swept the girl up into a bridal carry, eliciting a yelp at his speed.

"Your wish is my command!" the steel-eyed captain said jovially, "Plus we need to get you clothes."

"Way to cut down on the audience, Cap," Grimmjow pointed out wryly, gesturing to the wide eyes of the force in the cafeteria.

"Better to give them what they want," Mara sighed, hanging her head backwards over Hisagi's arm to look at the squad upside down. "Good morning, Squad 9!" she called out cheerfully, waving at them from her prone position.

Hisagi watched the shocked faces and wide eyes of the crowd but was pleased to hear greetings of "Good morning, Mara-sama" peppered back between soft laughs. Maybe they could grow to accept her. It would make her life here much easier. At Hisagi's smile and clear pleasure, a few more greetings were called out as they left the room.

"I think they like me," Mara said with a tongue-in-cheek dry delivery that made both men cackle as they flash stepped to her old room.

"Get dressed," Hisagi said, ruffling Mara's hair affectionately as he lowered her to her feet in her old room.

"Ah, there's my stuff, she said, walking quickly to pull out an outfit, "What room was I in anyways? It was beautiful."

"Um… Yours, actually," Hisagi said with a cough, his cheeks tinging pink.

Mara turned a confused look in his direction as she continued to rifle through the drawers.

"I had it put together for you," Hisagi elaborated, "You shouldn't be in the barracks, you aren't my soldier, and I don't want you to be. I was going to surprise you with it yesterday but…"

Mara ran up an threw her arms around his neck, cutting him off. "Thank you," she said sweetly kissing his cheek, "I'll move my stuff there today! But for now, turn around."

Obediently, Hisagi faced the door but Grimmjow remained facing front with a shit-eating grin.

"Turn," Mara said over her shoulder as she walked back to her clothes but Grimmjow didn't move.

"He is turned," he quipped back.

"You, king, are supposed to turn," Mara shot back.

Grimmjow smiled even wider, "But you didn't ask me to turn."

Mara walked up to him slowly, twining her arms around his neck, sensing what he wanted and pulling him close. Grimmjow pulled her flush against him, body stiffening as he felt her gentle breath caress the shell of his ear.

"Thank you for last night, Makenai Hito," she crooned, her whisper like a siren song. Grimmjow's arms trembled as she kissed the end of his jaw and she pulled back, "Now turn the fuck around."

Hisagi snorted in laughter, earning a glare but the espada obediently turned to face the wall.

"You were quite out of sorts last night," Hisagi admitted over his shoulder.

"It was almost like you were out to punish yourself or some shit with how hard you hit that mat after your memory of the staff," Grimmjow added earning a questioning look from Hisagi.

"Maybe I was," Mara sighed as she pulled on her pants, "He got under my skin."

.

.

"So you succeeded in 'getting under her skin'," Byakuya intoned dourly, mouth turning slightly downward. He resisted the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration.

Renji fought the smirk that toyed with the edge of his lips at Byakuya's obvious frustration. They had been on their verbal chess match for 30 minutes now and, yet again, Renji had taken a page from Mara's playbooks of using the shortest, most taciturn answers as possible.

Really, he was using it as a delaying technique. Byakuya had summoned him in here almost as soon as he was awake, most likely to try his own form of advantage. It had almost worked to as Renji was certainly exhausted. He'd been up half the night battling between elation at his successful wrangling of a next meeting and utter melancholy at the look Mara had had on her face and the hitch in her voice as she left.

He had finally been about to fall asleep when he had felt her. If he hadn't been so damn attuned to her then he probably would have missed the tang of her rietsu floating in gentle strands and weaving like a symphony in the air. It was different this time, calm and sure. It was filled with melancholy beauty, almost haunting. He had felt it like that before when she was alive, when she thought about her past from before she got sick. Was she dreaming up a memory of something so far back? Renji couldn't help but wonder what he had jogged loose.

He jolted from his musings at an annoyed cough.

"What?" he asked in a bored tone, causing Byakuya's frown to deepen.

Byakuya bit back a sigh. "Was this 'getting under her skin' approach that you seem so satisfied with why the aide on duty heard yelling?" he repeated.

"Oh," Renji said nonchalantly, "Yes."

"Considering your focus didn't seem to be on asking Seireitei's questions, I doubt it as a good move to drive her away so thoroughly," Byakuya said slowly.

"I did ask her your questions," Renji told him shortly, revelling in Byakuya faint eye twitch.

"And?"

"And she answered most of them."

If Byakuya was a lesser man he would have yelled in frustration. It wasn't that long ago to him that he had been an impetuous teen, willing and happy to hit anything that annoyed him before he had tamped down that cavalier attitude and gilded it in dignity. His damn lieutenant was out to crack that coating.

"At least you managed to do something," Byakuya said, a hint if a hiss entering his voice, "Any less information and I would have thought you were actually against the Gotei 13 on this."

_Against? No. But do I choose the girl over it. Very much yes._

Renji let his smile grow, sharp incisors catching the light. "No, you wouldn't. If you did, my return wouldn't have placed me smack back at your right hand."

Byakuya's hard stare did nothing but prove he had no response to counter that. _That would be what he chose for his longest single statement of the day. _

"What were her answers?" Byakuya spelled out in a clipped tone.

"She remembers very little, the release of rietsu seems tied to remembering things, she has no idea how powerful she is," Renji ticked off on his fingers as he listed various answers.

"But you know how powerful she is," Byakuya stated, almost accusingly.

Renji's eyes narrowed at the tone. "Not really," he said honestly, only having caught the snap of Mara's powers as a whole during the fight, but not as a soul in Soul Society.

"And how do we get her to have these memories?" Byakuya asked, probing for more than the bare minimum that Renji seemed determined to give him.

Renji kept his face placid as he internally began to debate himself on how to answer. This was one of the questions he had been stalling for. How much did he want to tell his captain about how to trigger Mara? Obviously, the powers that be would want to have her remember as much as they could to try to get a gauge of her power but he couldn't help but be wary of how they would try to do that. Mayuri wasn't known for his bedside manner and Byakuya himself had shown that he wasn't going to stand in the way of the 12th captains questionable practices.

"It would seem that they are entirely at random but involve a perfect balance of stimuli that equal something from her past as well as extreme emotion," Renji lied smoothly. He justified to himself that it wasn't a complete lie, he was just adding onto Mara's reasoning with personal observations in a way that would make Seireitei have to take their approach many steps back. That was a lot of variables to have to arrange for one reaction.

"Memories that you happen to know," Byakuya said pensively.

"Not 2 decades worth I dont," Renji verbally parried back.

"Hence the yelling then," Byakuya said, trying to circle back around.

"Partially," Renji replied, drawing on the confusion he could practically taste in the air by giving even less of a definitive answer than before even though it was true. The yelling had shown that her stress made her subconscious vault a little weaker, a fact that Renji would absolutely not be sharing, but mostly it was a result of Mara getting under his skin as much as he had gotten under hers.

"There seem to be no lingering effects of the rietsu releases, however," Byakuya answered, skating over Renji's previous, vague remark as he tried to elicit more information from the red-head.

"Nope, right back to normal after," Renji agreed, showing that he both understood where the captain was trying to lead and that he had failed in the hook. Again.

Byakuya finally gave in to the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose, staving off a headache. "This is hardly all the information we were hoping for."

"You all did say she was… feeble," Renji said, leading focus to Mara's supposed mental shortcomings that everyone assumed she had. Of course, Renji knew that if she had heard him label her as feeble that she would have his balls for breakfast. Even on her weakest days, Renji had always marvelled at her strength.

"Fragile mind or not, we needed more and have no way to get another meeting," Byakuya growled.

Renji's eyes widened at the small show of what must surely be a rather large well of anger to have broken the surface. Perhaps he should ease off before he made his captain an actual enemy. Plus it may divert his attention from further worrisome lines of questioning. "I've already taken care of that," Renji drawled slowly.

Byakuya's fingers twitched at the urge to wring Renji's goddamn neck. Not only was he apparently unsinkable and irreverent now, but he was deliberately holding things back just for the sake of watching his mentor chip away pointlessly to reach them. Former mentor now, Byakuya supposed.

He raised his brows in question at Renji, taking in the almost pleased smirk that did little to hide the hardness in his piercing stare. "How?" he asked wearily, quite tired of being beaten at the word games he normally dominated.

"All of her questions weren't answered either," Renji explained cryptically with a shrug, as if it was obvious.

_More like all your will wasn't fulfilled either, _Byakuya thought wryly. He couldn't help but internally praise the man for holding out on the girl. If she was as mentally strained as they had been led to believe, then it couldn't have been that hard to leave her wanting and could truly explain why the answers seemed so incomplete… Renji however could be compelled to god knows what for her if his current fighting spirit was any indication.

_Bait and switch, _Renji thought with a touch of disappointment. Leave it to a fucking Kuchiki to drop everything else for the answer they wanted. At least the mention of the meeting had both calmed the captain and distracted him from prying further into his experience with Mara. He couldn't trust anyone here even on principle. Byakuya had seemed to keep his tid-bit about sight-before-death to himself, but he couldn't help but feel that decision was more for Rukia than Mara.

"And why did you keep this to yourself?" Byakuya asked suspiciously.

"I didn't," Renji said tightly behind an enigmatic smile, "I just told you. Is there anything else Captain Kuchiki?"

The way he had said his name… Byakuya couldn't tell if he was so tight lipped because of the circumstances or because of whom he was speaking to. Either way, Renji had clearly planted himself in a corner and anyone and everyone was fair game at this point when it came to the girl.


	35. Chapter 34: To Hell with the Day

(A/N) 2nd half especially, sound track is The Black Keys- Lies. (althought the song actually mentioned in the scene- you'll see it- that i was using as inspiration was Argent- Liar), screw it, listen to both lol

so much slow burn i'm getting to my damn self... I love it!

**Chapter 34**

"How'd it go?" Mara asked Hisagi as he sat himself on the bench next to her; without moving her eyes from the practice field where Grimmjow was instructing another class.

_More like berating the class,_ Hisagi thought as he watched the espada go through his normal insults between instruction. Grimmjow's approach was callous but effective, he had to admit. "Better than that is," Hisagi answered grimly, waving his hand at the field.

"I'm guessing these are new ones?" she followed up, narrowing her eyes at the figures on the field, "I think they are literally shaking."

"Probably," Hisagi said with an amused snort, "but his methods work, and they all come to respect him eventually. They would fight for him; they get past that he is a hollow. It's a start of change."

Mara slanted her discerning gaze at Hisagi's thoughtful expression. "Even if they are 'pussy-ass bitches who wouldn't know a blade from a boulder'?" she asked teasingly, dropping her voice in a comical impression of the combat instructor.

Hisagi's rare smile spread across his face at Mara's antics. "Exactly. It's because they aren't fighters that they are so important. He doesn't need someone to fight for him. He could take on half the captains by himself. He needs people who will change policy, who will teach others and change minds. That's who I recruit. Not the ones that will just fight, but the ones who will sway the masses."

Mara turned to look more closely at the man beside her. She knew Hisagi's ideals very quickly, but his commitment to not just making change, but breeding it's future success, impressed the hell out of her. She felt her heart stutter as she traced his strong profile. This flutter wasn't just from how good looking he was, though Mara was well aware of the fact that he had to be one of the most handsome men to have ever existed. It was just… him. His carriage, his conviction. She fell deeper…

_Woah, girl! _Mara caught herself quickly, _You already know that whole koi no yokan feeling but it's a hell of a leap from inevitable to happening._

Hisagi could feel her gaze on him but her expression was unreadable from the corner of his eye. To have her studying him so intently was both disconcerting and exciting. Did she really even like what she saw? "What?" he asked her, voice gentle but hoarse.

Mara gave a light shrug but didn't stop looking at him. "You."

Hisagi remained silent but raised his eyebrow in question at her.

Receiving only an enigmatic smile in return, Hisagi couldn't help his own grin again as Mara turned fully in her seat on the riser, slinging her legs over his lap and using her feet to pull him into a slant that faced her more directly. Hisagi rested one hand easily on her thigh as he leaned back to prop himself up on the other.

This. This silent companionship and ease, this wordless support and interest, this shared comfort… This was good.

"Speaking of policy," Mara led in with all the subtlety of a bulldozer, "what happened in the meeting?"

"Same shit," Hisagi said wearily, "and they were less than happy with Byakuya's report which covered roughly 12 seconds of yours and Abarai's conversation."

"Only 12 seconds," Mara mused, casting her eyes quickly to the field before meeting Hisagi's gaze again, "He's doing even better than I hoped he would at giving them nothing to work with until we figure out what's going on with me."

Hisagi's small grimace wasn't lost on Mara and he knew it. He heaved a deep sigh, running his hand down his face before setting it back down to trace light lines on her thigh. "I believe it is less about tripping them up as it is about keeping you safe by whatever means necessary. His answers were so scant that a couple captains started to call for your being hauled in for a real questioning."

Mara's brow furrowed with concern. "They didn't come haul me off, so you stopped them. That's good," she offered out.

"Not me," Hisagi admitted, "Abarai did by telling them about your meeting next week. I get the feeling that he hadn't wanted that to be Seireitei business, but he gave the information as soon as he realized it would keep you out of their hands longer."

Instead of an answer, Hisagi felt just the faintest wisp of her rietsu rising to curl around his arm where if sat against her leg. His eyes darted quickly to her face where she stared into the distance unseeing, the amber in her eyes glowing as she nibbled her bottom lip. No sooner had he caught her expression than it cleared and her eyes took in his face.

"Care to share?" he asked softly.

Nodding slowly, Mara linked her fingers through his. "A memory of a memory," she said hollowly, "I underestimated his level of attachment."

"You know," Hisagi said, tracing the veins in the back of her small hands with his long fingers, "That rietsu rise was the only thing you didn't really explain this morning."

Mara tried to tense, he could feel it in her grip, but she couldn't quite manage it, as he moved his light strokes up her arm and back down her thigh. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want, Koibito," he crooned, not ceasing his soothing ministrations.

Taking a deep breath, Mara relayed the memory of being pulled from the void and the voice so laden with pain. Of the toppled hospital walls and fruitless fight for her life. "He loved me, that much was obvious, now," she said grimly, "He begged for me and that aching… doesn't want to go away.

At her revelation, Hisagi's hand finally stilled but he didn't look at the woman. He wasn't sure he could. To love her so much that you could pull her back from death- to love her so much that you defend her from everyone when she doesn't even know you anymore, maybe even dislikes you now- What was he next to that?

His stillness did not go unnoticed. _Of course it fucking wouldn't,_ he thought internally as Mara slid closer covering both of his hands in hers.

"What do I call you?" Mara asked gently.

Hisagi couldn't look at her as he silently shook his head while looking down at their entwined hands. Why did she even want him to claim that position? What had he done to earn it but plot with ahead of time notice then fumble the pass? He let out a joyless laugh that sounded more like a scoff.

"Answer me," Mara ordered in the soft but strong voice. Steel wrapped in silk. Much like Mara's own soft body over an apparently iron will.

Hisagi finally dragged his eyes to meet hers and he fell into their dark depths all over again. Her expression was again unreadable. "Otto," he ground through gritted teeth, "but I don't-"

"For all his love, where was he to catch me when I fell? Where was his protection? When he avoided me before that shit show of an academy, why didn't he come?" Mara watched Hisagi intently as his eyes dropped back to their hands. "You caught me, Shuu. You protected me. You came."

Mara shifted her legs off his lap and moved to straddle Hisagi's lap in a fluid motion, quite done for the day with worrying who was watching. He opened his arms for her on instinct. Hisagi couldn't help but revel in the way she snuggly fit against his body as he pulled her close. Despite the doubts that rolled around in his head, he couldn't help but feel that she had been made for him.

_Mine._ The thought hit him fiercely, searing though his mind like a brand. Even as it burned him, he couldn't help but feel he didn't deserve its warmth.

"Otto," she crooned as she kissed her way up from his collar bone to his throat.

Hisagi's whole body trembled at the touch and he buried his head in the crook of her neck, breathing in the fresh sent of her. She reminded him of a fragrant garden, of picnics in the just beginning cool of fall, of…

"Rosemary and mint, am I right?" Grimmjow drawled as he climbed the risers to sit down next to the pair, noting Hisagi's face pressed against Mara's hair. "Fucking intoxicating. Drove me out of my goddamn mind last night."

Hisagi couldn't help but chuckle even if he didn't relish the interruption. "It really is. I didn't place it until now."

Mara disentangled herself from Hisagi's embrace, hitting him lightly on the arm at his small groan of protest, before simply turning and resettling herself in his lap again. As she rested herself into his embrace, she raised her legs to settle over Grimmjow's lap instead. Hisagi's arms tightened around Mara possessively and she traced his knuckles to sooth him as she set her head on his shoulder.

Grimmjow's astute, glowing gaze caught it all but when he looked at Mara, he couldn't help but remember the night before. She had been so vulnerable, stretched so thin… He flicked a wink of assurance at the woman before resting his forearms across her shins.

"So, what did the supreme asshats have to say today?" he asked with a roguish grin.

.

.

True to her word, Mara had gone to bed alone.

Hisagi lay awake in the dark of the night feeling oddly unfulfilled. His arms ached to hold her as he had the previous nights, even if he had had to share the moment. He didn't like that in her worry to keep them at ease, she was forgoing both of them.

Keeping_ him_ at ease was more like it, Hisagi admitted to himself. Grimmjow, for whatever unholy reason, had apparently had one hell of a turn of heart. Hell, he was actually seeming to have a heart from the first time in… ever. He couldn't seem to figure out the espada's angle. Yes, he knew that Grimmjow had said it was for her happiness, but that just didn't fit the Grimmjow he knew. What the hell had happened last night?

Another small groan filtered through the wall that Hisagi's room shared with Mara's, this time followed by a concerning whimper. She wasn't sleeping well tonight, clearly. Rolling over in his bed again, Hisagi fought the urge to go to her and comfort her from whatever nightmare was plaguing her.

_If she had wanted you in her bed, she would have asked you, _he scolded himself as he finally sat up and embraced the realization that sleep was not coming. Especially not with Mara's room and her pained sounds so near him. He had wanted her close, both to protect her and from pure selfishness, but he couldn't help but think that sticking her one room over was not his wisest decision. She was so damn close he could…

No, he couldn't. With a sigh, Hisagi rose on silent feet, not even bothering with a shirt or robe, and headed towards the empty cells under the infirmary where his guitar waited for him.

When all else swirled in chaos, music made sense. Where Kazeshini wrought weeping destruction, the old guitar let him create something beautiful. He could pour his heart and soul into the sure notes and wordless melodies and no one would even know the pain or joy behind them.

_She can. _

Hisagi realized, as his fingers started on the familiar chords, that Mara had an insight on him that no one else did. She knew his songs, knew the words. She could find him in the midst of the noise. She shouldn't want to though, he thought with regret. She had spoken so firmly today about him being there for her. She didn't know it had all been arranged. She didn't know that he had been tasked with this. While she had floundered, he could have at least given her something.

Hisagi strummed harder into the next song, worry clouding his mind and pressing him forward. What would she do if she learned that his stepping in was also a play for her power? Granted, he had the best of intentions. He wanted to let her choose what to do with herself when she could and wanted to save Seireitei from a potential implosion, but it had been a power grab none-the-less. Would she see the good or the deception?

Did he want her to see the good… or see who he really was? Hisagi's mouth pressed into a thin line, fingers speeding across the frets as his mind whirled. He was a failure. He was weak. Not wanting her to see it didn't change the fact that it was true. He loved how she looked at him now. She believed in him and trusted him. He didn't think he could take her seeing how he felt inside. He had gone so wrong before the war. He hadn't seen the flaws in his own captain. He had followed blindly. He had let justice get warped into a hellish vendetta on the worlds.

Reflexively, Hisagi's side broke out in a pang of pain. Remembering those fatal flaws always caused the pain to tear through him, as if being stabbed all over again. His fingers stilled on the chords as he rode the wave of horrid sensation through the memories of the fall of his old captain who had taught him so much right but had been so damn wrong.

"Why'd you stop?"

Hisagi's eye's shot up to the small form leaning against the doorway. He had been so caught up in memories and worry and pain that he hadn't even heard her approach. She leaned against the door frame, her robe pulled tight over her chest and hair tousled from sleep. Hisagi couldn't help but think of the first time they had met like this not so long ago. Now, just like he'd imagined, her eyes were bright and shining for him.

It was quite possibly the best sight he had ever seen, even if he was viewing it from a secluded cell under his own squad grounds.

"Did you want me to keep going?" he asked, more curtly than he meant from the pain lancing through his abdomen.

"You looked like you were hurting. Are you okay, Shuu?" Mara asked gently, strolling into cell with barely a look at the stark surroundings. Her eyes were focused only on the man in front of her. His gaze was sad and glazed, but when he had caught sight of her there had been a flash of joy and heat. Haunted but full of hunger.

"Old wound," he said hoarsely as he watched her stroll slowly towards him.

Mara took in his heavy swallow as he watched her approach. He traced her figure with his eyes, outlined by the gauzy fabric and the faint light behind her before turning that piecing hungry gaze on her again. She couldn't help the blush that crawled to her cheeks at his reaction to her. The blush had begun as soon as she had seen him actually playing.

He was hypnotic. His eyes had been closed to the room, brow furrowed in intensity. You could feel the pain pour into his music even if she hadn't known the song. He must be remembering something hard, something betraying. She also hadn't expected to see him so on display. Tense muscled bunched under the smooth skin of his shoulders. His sculpted chest had heaved as he breathed deeply through his pain. Mara couldn't have torn her eyes away from the glorious sight of him if she had been ordered to under pain of death.

Hisagi set aside his guitar at her approach, reaching out to pull her to him by the hips, settling her between his legs where he sat. He stifled a gasp as her hands settled against the bare skin of his chest, before they traced down lower to the still puckered scar on his stomach.

"This one?" she asked quietly, tracing it with her thumb while her others hand slid distractingly back up his chest.

Hisagi nodded wordlessly, swallowing hard again as her hand left his scar.

"I have one kind of like it, too," she whispered, bringing her hand to the tie of her robe, "I just don't know what it's from anymore."

Hisagi watched Mara's cheeks blaze as she pulled at the tie. Stilling her hand with his own, he looked carefully at her expressions, but it wasn't shame lighting her up. It was the same heat he felt blazing through himself. "You don't have to," he still said. Still wary. Still worried she didn't actually want him- or wouldn't later.

Mara didn't reply except to look in Hisagi's reassuring gray gaze as she let her robe fall open, revealing the thin white tank top and underwear underneath. She watched as his eyes darkened to almost black with desire, fingers digging harshly into her hips as he took in the sight of her. His brows furrowed as he traced the deep, puckered scar that ran from just below the hollow of her throat to disappear beneath the edge of her top. Round puncture scars ran in a horizontal line under each collarbone, older and fainter the more you moved outward from the scar in the center of her chest. In between those and peppering up over her shoulders were silvery small marks, denoting other injuries that hadn't been near as deep as the main ones.

Hisagi could feel her shiver under his touch as he ran calloused hands over her mottled but silken skin. "Dear god, woman," he whispered, bringing her even closer to bring his lips to her heated skin over the scar between her breasts. He felt her tense at the sentiment as he gently kissed his way up her chest and he paused to pull back and look at her face again. She looked so vulnerable and fragile in the scant light. Her bright eyes followed his with an unsure tinge. "You," he emphasized with another squeeze of her hips, "are the most gorgeous thing I have ever seen."

Hisagi lifted her quickly and sat her straddling his lap, and Mara could feel the evidence of how much he believed what he had just said. If she had any doubt after feeling the length of him pressed between them, his kiss cleared them from her mind. His lips crashed on hers, possessive and passionate. His tongue teased the seam of her lips and she gave into the passion running through them until every nerve was aware of the press of his skin on hers.

Mara arched against Hisagi's hard body as his hands traced a heated trail under her scant top to caress the under side of her breasts gently before dragging his thumbs across her already peaked nipples. Hisagi caught every mewl and moan in his rough kiss as he tightened his grasp on her before pulling her higher. Trailing his mouth down her jaw to her neck Hisagi slipped a hand between them, running his finger between Mara's flushed skin and the thin layer of cloth that separated them.

Felling his touch, Mara froze and Hisagi immediately stilled his movements. "What's wrong, Koibito," he whispered, breath leaving goosebumps on her skin.

"I- um… I haven't done… At least, I think I haven't- um- done this before," Mara stuttered out, bowing her head, "I'm sorry, I just… I don't know-"

Raising both hands to her face, Hisagi tilted her to look at him. Why did she hide like that? He didn't want her to hide around him. "You don't have to be sorry, Koi," he reassured her, kissing her gently.

_Mine. _

The thought ripped through his mind as he felt some of Mara's tenseness drain away. _Mine. Mine. Mine. _He wrapped her in a soft embrace and she slung her arms over his shoulders. Pulling back, she gave him a soft smile so full of trust and something gave way in Hisagi's heart and changed inside his mind.

_Hers._

Who was he to have earned that trust? She was giving it and in turn he would give her everything. She wasn't his. She could choose whatever she wanted but he was entirely and inescapably hers. Regardless of how they got in this mess, how she came to be here in his squad, his room, his bed… he was now hers.

Gently pulling her robe back closed, Hisagi chuckled at her confused look. "You have no idea how tempting you are, do you?" he asked playfully, hoisting her to her feet, "Lets get you back to bed."

Anxiety flitted across Mara's features and she eyed the hallway warily. "I don't want to go to bed. It's all nightmares and pain and…" Mara shivered as she thought about whatever had been plaguing her sleep.

Hisagi looked at her closely and sighed before scooping her up quickly, taking the stairs to the ground floor two at a time. He flash stepped to the officers quarters before pausing outside a door on the ground floor.

"I guess that's your que that I have to go to bed," Mara quipped dryly.

Hisagi gave her a soft smile before lightly knocking twice on the door. He knew its occupant would be up like a flash no matter how quiet the knock, if he wasn't already. "Luckily, Koibito, we already know how to keep any nightmares at bay."

"Otto?" Mara asked faintly as the door flew open and Grimmjow appeared in its frame, blade half drawn.

"Come on," he told the other man gruffly, instead of answering the woman in his arms, "she needs us. Let's go to bed."

If Grimmjow was surprised, he hid it well. Nodding wordlessly, he shut his door silently and followed them up to Mara's room.

Yawning deeply, Hisagi stretched after he set Mara down and climbed into the bed on one side. "C'mon then," he half groaned as he flopped on the pillow.

Mara's eyes darted between both men as Grimmjow simply shrugged and hung his katana on a hook on the back of the door and sat to kick off his sandals.

"But… you guys shouldn't have to…" Mara protested in barely a whisper.

"Yumekanau," Grimmjow said deeply without looking up from where he was unlacing, "we are both in this for you."

"You need this," Hisagi added, "we know it. Let us give you this."

Grimmjow looked up at her, eyes glowing in the moonlight, waiting for her response as Hisagi watched from the head of the bed.

"Oh, fuck it," Mara finally answered, "let's go to bed." She shrugged of her robe and turned to climb in the bed when she heard a sharp gasp.

"Holy fucking shit, Yume!" Grimmjow exclaimed, jumping to his feet at his first site of the extensive scarring. His night vision was perfect and he could even make out the multiple, small puncture scars on her inner thighs. They led almost gracefully into… where those tattoos peeking out on her hips?

"Jaegerjaques," Hisagi spoke out in a low warning but Grimmjow ignored him, moving to stand in front of Mara.

Biting the inside of her cheek, Mara tried not to show the nervousness she felt. She knew he would be able to see more in the low light than Hisagi and that one was already hard to do. Under his intense stare she couldn't help but move her arms to cross her chest.

"No, you don't," Grimmjow growled, cuffs glowing, "Bakoudo 1- Sai."

Mara's arms were yanked behind her back, her legs bound together, keeping her in place. She knew that if she tried to move that she would fall, an oddly familiar feeling, so she stayed perfectly still as Grimmjow dragged rough fingers over the scars. She watched as his eyes grew wide before narrowing in… anger?

"How in the actual fuck did you just do that?" Hisagi demanded but the espada continued to ignore him.

"How?" Grimmjow choked out, voice thick with something Mara couldn't place.

"I don't know," she whispered to him as he dropped the kido and released her to move. She watched as Grimmjow turned his back on her, heart sinking before he turned to come back as if to say something else. He caught himself, eyes panning over her collage of scars again before he turned away again to pace.

"I'm sorry, I- um.. I know they aren't pretty," Mara stuttered self-consciously, "I get it if…"

"You're so beautiful it fucking hurts, Yumekanau, don't start that shit," Grimmjow sighed, slanting her an unreadable look, "It's not that."

Mara watched him pace more. "Then what is going on?"

"They don't hurt?" Grimmjow asked instead of answering her.

"No," Mara replied, voice wavering as she sucked in her bottom lip.

"And you don't know how you got them?" he pressed.

"No," she repeated warily.

Grimmjow rolled his shoulders and popped his neck as he stalked back in front of the woman. His woman. His dream. His goddamn queen. He didn't give a fuck that she had scars. It did literally nothing to dull her brilliance. Hell, maybe it even accentuated it. It was that he could recognize scars from being cut on, could recognize where tubing was placed, could read the pain that it must have held at the time. He went through it for years not that long ago.

"The marks are familiar," he growled out between clenched teeth, "Too fucking familiar." His whole body shook for control as he wondered who the hell had done this to his Yumekanau.

Hisagi watched and waited, ready to spring into action in case Grimmjow needed to be pulled away. The espada seemed to be unravelling. He knew Grimmjow loved Mara as much as he himself, but he couldn't figure out the reaction. Until he saw Grimmjow reach for his own collar. For the first time since he had been brought to squad 9, the combat instructor shrugged off his jacket in front of people.

Mara watched the jacket fall away, revealing Grimmjow's taught chest and shoulders, his impressive biceps… and scars. Dozens of them. Deep gashes like her chest looped around every joint. Deep punctures marked his sides and arms. Slashes ran down his sides that she had never noticed, disappearing beyond the waist band of his pants.

Now, it was Grimmjow's turn to hang his head. He drew a shuddering breath as soft, tentative fingers grazed up the marks on his sides. He trembled, tingles racing like lightning as she set his nerves on fire, as she moved her gentle exploration to his arms. She circled him, taking in the scars on his shoulders and back that she had missed after caring for him before. That attack hadn't left a mark, she realized, what horrors must he have gone through for these to remain?

No wonder he had reacted the way he had. His torture… Mara flung her arms around Grimmjow's neck and pulled him close. She watched Hisagi visibly relax in the bed, a small smile on his face. He had been ready to jump to her defense even against his friend. And Grimmjow… had bared it all to her. These men… _I think I may just love them both._

Schooling her features, Mara let go of Grimmjow and pulled him over so they could all climb in the bed. They fit themselves around her with an ease that seemed like it would take years to develop. Grimmjow curled behind her as Hisagi pulled her leg over his waist and she closed her eyes to a blissfully dreamless sleep.


	36. Chapter 35: Quiet is Violent

(A/N) song choice is really kinda different sides of the same coin. Maybe they can see it a bit... or not. Enjoy. Mara's mood: Twenty One Pilots- Car Radio

Renji's mood: Dave Matthews Band- The Dreaming Tree

**Chapter 35**

"You already weren't speaking, are you even listening at this point?" Renji asked in a frustrated growl, rising from his chair to pace like the caged wildcat he was.

_Of course I'm listening, you douche-nozzle, _Mara fumed silently, _I'm angry, not an idiot._

Her impassive face gave none of those thoughts away to the seething red head. If anything, she looked bored. Fucking bored! He had been recounting their greatest hits for a half an hour now and Mara hadn't flinched. She'd barely even looked at him.

He had greeted her kindly if warily, he could admit. He knew they hadn't parted on the best of terms last meeting and he didn't know if he would be able to coax her into another one somehow, so he had put his best foot forward. He had only called her Mara, he had kept his distance, but it seemed like as soon as he had opened his mouth, she had gone from wary to completely shuttered.

"And then to end the kabuki show, I hired bright purple elephants to waltz across the stage just like in your favorite book," he stated dryly.

Mara slanted a glare at him from where she sat sideways in the other chair, legs draped over the armrest, before going back to tracing the intricate flower patterns on her sleeves.

Renji let out another deep sigh. "Well, I guess you are at least listening some," he grumbled.

This was infuriating. He shot a silent apology to Byakuya for some of their recent 'conversations'. Not that the was sorry for any withheld information or attitude, nor was he going to change, but he could at least empathize with the captain's annoyance. If it was even half as much as what Renji was feeling right now, then he was surprised Byakuya hadn't had a damn aneurism.

Covertly, Mara followed Renji's movements in her peripherals. His pacing was setting her on edge but, considering how she had been warned of his temper and prickly disposition, it was a lesser reaction than she had expected to her current tactic- silence.

To be fair, this had not been her plan starting out. She had had a targeted list of questions to hopefully lead him into more talk about who she actually _was_, not just how they were together. She didn't need to know about their antics, that could come with time. She didn't even care about the power aspect that everyone else seemed so keen on. She just wanted to know herself.

Poised and collected, Mara had arrived at Renji's office in the sixth ready to get her answers, to play the games, to do battle! Then- then he had to go and give her that goddamn grin when she walked in. There was so much hope and so much fear in it that it effectively broke her heart and emptied her mind in a single split-second. Every carefully laid lead that she and the guys had talked through over the past week just died in the face of… him. He was larger than life. He was gorgeous. He was so damn formidable but the gentle look in his eye that was just for her made her knees weak. The way his full lips tried to curl into a smile made her wonder what his smile really looked like and if she could bring it out of him. Something about Abarai Renji called to her.

THAT would just not do. So, in the lack of any better ideas in her stupor-ed mind, Mara had gone with the one failsafe where she knew she wouldn't egg him on or, worse, wind up with her foot in her mouth. She opted for the silent treatment. Was it childish? Sure. But everyone had an off day, right?

The last thing Mara needed was to be attracted to him, though. Of that, she was sure. She sure as hell didn't need more relationship shit on her plate at all. Over the past week, she, Hisagi, and Grimmjow had settled into a companionable rhythm. Morning they would talk together, hash out idea, memories, whatever. Then Hisagi would get to work on captain stuff, Grimmjow would set into classes, and she would divide her time between both of them depending on how available they were. Sometimes she would just go to that field, sit under that tree, and think or read.

Dinner with the squad was becoming a more rambunctious affair every night, even though everyone still left her alone unless she approached them. She was getting to know the seated members of the squad and people had finally stopped stalling their conversations when she came up to them. It was progress. She preferred breakfast. The early morning crowd was smaller and they appreciated her sleepy antics. She always greeted them as a group every morning and after a few days, they all responded in kind. It was a great way to start the day.

As was waking up between the two men. Every night, Hisagi and Grimmjow would come to her room, shed their weapons and shirts and climb in with her. They didn't bat an eye, and she didn't have to ask. They just… did. It was the best sleep she had gotten since she had been there. Visionless jolts of pain, sleepy bouts of suffocation, and images of screaming souls didn't haunt her often when she was surrounded by both a captain and an espada.

Her captain. Her espada. God help her.

"Why did you even bother coming if it wasn't to have a conversation with me?" Renji asked, sinking back into his chair.

At long last, Mara turned to sit cross legged in the chair in front of him. Renji was jolted back to how she always placed herself that way no matter where she was because it hurt her hips and joints too much stay still and that position allowed her to shift her weight with less energy. Unlike those times, when Mara finally cast her eyes up to meet his, her expression remained coldly neutral. Calculating.

"This is not a conversation," Mara said icily, "This is me coming for information about my prior life and the events that led here and you, quite frankly, have been woefully underwhelming."

_Nice try, Ippin, but you can't fool me. You're overcompensating. _Renji could see that her cold, nearly cruel, words were hiding something deeper. Something more dangerous or painful that she didn't want to reveal. Renji curled a grin at her, watching Mara's eyes flash briefly with an annoyance that echoed his own.

"If you don't want this to be so far off base then, why don't you just ask what you want to know?" Renji bit out.

In a stunning show of maturity, Mara answered by screwing up her face and moving her mouth in a mocking gesture of that question. Followed by a snort and looking back at her lap. Yup, she was winning this one with flying colors. But she couldn't seem to look at him and form coherent thoughts today, so why try?

"Do you seriously think at this point, if you ask a question that I'm not going to give you an honest answer?" Renji pressed.

Mara raised her eyebrows high in doubt, mouth pressing into a thin line. She still didn't look at him.

Renji scoffed in disbelief at her reaction. "You have always been stubborn, but you were never this… difficult!"

"I wouldn't know," Mara drawled caustically.

"Exactly!" Renji exclaimed, his frustration creeping into his voice and giving it an accusing slant that brought Mara's eyes back up to him. "What the hell do you think I am doing here? I am trying to help you!"

"Are you now?" Mara asked, tone terse and eyes narrowing.

"Yes!" Renji nearly shouted, running his hands over his forehead and into his hair, "I want you to remember!"

Mara watched his large hands slide into his hair and couldn't help but wonder how good they would feel sliding over her. Of hos soft his hair looked. Of how much fun she could have tangling her own fingers in it… _I swear I am going to cut out my own uterus if my hormones don't stop messing with my head._ Mara grimaced at herself, jogging herself from her mini daydream. Her train of thought only served to makes her more angry at herself.

"No, you don't," she practically hissed at him, "you want me to remember YOU!"

Renji's eyes widened at the same time Mara's did as she let the true issue slip from her unguarded lips.

_Finally! God bless that mouth of yours, Ippin._

_Goddamn that mouth of mine._

_._

_._

"Aaaand there it is," Grimmjow sighed in a half laugh/ half groan that made Hisagi smirk.

The shouts came out from the window to whip around the two men where they stood waiting for the end of Mara's meet with Renji. For over half an hour they had been there and… nothing. They spoke too quietly to hear and Hisagi couldn't help the twinge in his chest. He was comforted by the fact that there was no spiritual rise indicating memory. Was it wrong of him to hope she didn't remember? He was some friend, too. Who hopes their best friend doesn't get the girl? Especially after he chased the only other one he had loved to the ends of the worlds for over 100 years.

Grimmjow couldn't give less of a fuck if Abarai was hurt. Let him hurt. Let him pay with every shred of himself. He bit back the feral grin as he heard Mara's high voice drown out the baritone that had been rumbling through the room. He hoped with every fiber of his being that she was tearing him a new one. Make him bleed.

Hisagi watched Grimmjow's disconcerting grin creep over his features. He knew Grimmjow was still the destruction-wreaking hollow he always had been, but his utter joy of it caught Hisagi off guard sometimes. Where Hisagi worried, Grimmjow reveled.

"You know how she was when she got worked up last time," Hisagi warned the espada lowly, watching the maniacal gleam fade from Grimmjow's luminescent eyes.

Grimmjow's face tightened to a scowl. "Yeah, I remember," he muttered, thinking of how she had moved with pain and silent tears until she could move no more.

Hisagi's face tightened as well. Most nights, the presence of the two of them had evened her. Her smile seemed to come more easily during the day as well, but it rarely reached her eyes. Mara would often go blank, just looking at the horizon like it would give her the answers. She thought they weren't watching when she would retreat to the field near the arena just to stare in silence, but they were. One of them always was. They never told her how they would watch her everyday, witnessing the cracks in her armor that she had never meant to share.

"I know she wants to remember," Hisagi sighed, "but sometimes I really hope she never does."

Mind drifting to Mara's scarred flesh and the pain that must have been contained in it, Grimmjow nodded in agreement. He would give anything not to remember what had caused his own. Even if it was truly medical issues that had caused hers, it didn't change the hell that must have caused it. "Maybe we can find a way to distract her from her search, like jackass up there tried to distract her from death," Grimmjow suggested, gesturing to the window.

"What do you mean like he did?" Hisagi questioned, darting his eyes up at the now silent window.

"I can hear them a little bit occasionally. Not much but it's something," Grimmjow said with a shrug, "must be a panther thing."

"Speaking of hidden talents," Hisagi said with a harsh edge to his voice, "apparently you can do kido now?"

Grimmjow shrugged again. "Been here long enough, I picked up some new tricks. Thought it may come in handy."

Hisagi narrowed his eyes. "For what?"

"Training," the espada replied without missing a beat.

"You teach combat, not kido," Hisagi said dryly.

"Hado is used in combat."

Hisagi looked closely at Grimmjow's stone face, unable to see or read single tremor in it. "Fair," he finally said with a shrug, "so what do you mean distract her like Abarai did?"

Grimmjow plastered a less chilling grin on his face, but he knew it probably still wouldn't deter Hisagi. He hadn't meant to let show that he had learned kido, or that he could even do it. _So distracted by that little girl that you are letting her foil all your plans, _the voice inside him hissed before he could tamp it down. At least he hadn't revealed all his cards.

"I don't know, but surely we can do something. Remember how much she enjoyed the restaurant in town?" he asked Hisagi, "Fuck, it could just be training her in fighting. She was clearly taught before at some point."

"Treading awfully close to memories there," Hisagi said thoughtfully, "but you may be onto something. That rietsu feeling was different…"

"I think it was before dipshit entered the picture," Grimmjow added.

"Probably before she was sick at all," Hisagi agreed, "But still a way for her to reclaim some of her past. Plus, it can't hurt for her to know some self-defense."

Grimmjow couldn't help the cackle that rose from him. "Between that ass and that attitude, she will need to be able to back herself up some."

"Might not want to pitch it like that to her," Hisagi said laughing.

"Oh, hell to the fuck no," Grimmjow agreed with a low whistle, "so when are we starting this, Cap?"

The raised voices began pitching from Renji's office again and the men watched as the window was flung open, revealing a blue topped head and shoulders, followed by both arms and a knee.

"I have a feeling we will starting tonight," Hisagi said, beginning to step forward.

"I swear, this girl…." Grimmjow muttered as he raced past Hisagi toward the ground beneath the window.

.

.

"Of course I want you to remember me," Renji said softly, "but I wasn't-"

"Yes," Mara affirmed, daring to meet his eyes even as she knew she had stuck her foot so far in her mouth that toes were tickling her brain, "Yes you were."

Renji's mind raced as he tried to process this little bit of vital information. He really had been focusing on only her remembering him, he knew it. He had thought since they were so close so recently that it would be the best bet to jog her memories… but was that really all? He wanted her to remember him, of course but he realized that was all he had talked about. Their time, their love. How could she know him when she didn't know her? The realization hit him like a mac truck. He had been an idiot.

"We took that amazing trip to the beach-" Renji started saying.

"I'm done here," Mara said, rising swiftly and heading to the door. Really? She had just laid out what was wrong in a moment of weakness and this lug head didn't catch it. That or couldn't perceive it.

"Wait," Renji said scrambling to his feet, "I didn't tell you why we took it."

Mara exhaled a calming breath through her teeth. "This better be fucking good Renji," she attempted to growl out, but the snark couldn't hide the pleading in her tone. All she wanted was a little bit of herself, just a piece!

"It was a bucket-list trip," Renji began.

"Why would I bother with a bucket list if I was too sick to move?" Mara asked quickly.

Renji couldn't help his grin. Maybe she wasn't so different after all. "You said the same thing then," Renji recounted, his voice tender, "But I wanted to do something magical for you."

Mara rolled her eyes. "Self-important turnip," she grumbled, turning back toward the door.

"I had just told you that you may not remember anything and you decided then and there that you wanted to go to the beach," Renji said quickly, stepping in front of her to block her path to the door.

"Why the hell would I want to go to the beach? I read up on what I had," Mara said, irritation rising, "Why would I do something so ridiculous as go some place where I couldn't walk, couldn't swim, couldn't even sit in the sun?"

_Because you had me!_ He wanted to scream. He wanted to remind her of how it was possible with both of them together. That wasn't what she wanted though, wasn't what she needed. If she needed to know herself then he could wait. He would give her what she needed. She didn't need him. _Yet._

"Too slow," Mara sighed out as she ducked around the large man for the door,

Without thinking Renji reached out and grabbed Mara's hand, turning her back to face him as he pulled her to him.

_Shit._

It was the only conscious thought Mara could come up with as she felt her body flow into his with such easy precision that could have only been born of hundreds of repetitions of being held like this. Everywhere that her form molded to his strength lit up like fire, nerves on end. She slanted so easily to his touch, to looking up at his face as if anticipating a…

_Shit._

"They'll kill you," she whispered hoarsely. Why should she care? Why DID she care?

"No, they won't," Renji rumbled in a low whisper back. Goddamn, had she always felt this good against him? "You won't tell them."

Mara stiffened in his hold but still didn't pull away. "Why not?"

"Because your parents took you to the beach in Charleston every summer," He answered her. His piercing gaze was desperately trying to peel back the layers of her shields, but he wasn't prepared for the raw emotion to take over her face.

Mara jerked away, breath catching, but her eyes stayed glued to Renji's. "What?"

"When you chose to go to the beach it was because you waned to remember them, the trips they took you on with your brother… in case you didn't remember later," he told her gently. Mara may have stepped back but it was now her holding him in a tight but trembling grip.

"I- I had a brother…" Mara's eyes went distant as if trying to remember, but the tears lingering at the edges indicated it wasn't working.

"Yeah," Renji crooned, as gently as he could, "You taught him to swim before you got sick. You loved the water."

"That's why you swam for me- with me on that trip. Because I couldn't and you were trying to let me remember," Mara mumbled mostly to herself.

_Yes!_ Renji wanted to cheer. It was a baby step but at least it was in the direction of seeing something – anything - he did as positive. "Look who was actually listening," he said with a teasing smirk, raising a large hand to brush his fingers over her cheek.

The touch of his fingers, so tender and familiar, jolted Mara from her own thoughts as surely as a slap across the face. "Nope," she said ducking out of his grip to circle the chair, "No! One memory does not give you license to my pants, Abarai. Don't fucking touch me."

"This was never about getting in your pants, Ippin!" Renji shot back, voice raising I outrage. Was that really all she thought he felt for her? "This is about helping you!"

"Helping you, you mean," she parried, reverting to her earlier argument.

"No, now I know. This is for you," Renji said, apology laced in his gruff voice, "This is about reminding you of beachside bonfires and peace treaties with your brother. This is about giving you back You."

Mara could help the softening of her features. Hot damn, maybe the big lug did get it.

"And hopefully building some trust," Renji added at seeing her expression holding some hope.

Bad move. The shutters seemed to slam down again as Mara scoffed out, "Trust?!"

"Yes," Renji growled through gritted teeth, "Trust that I will give you the truth; that I will give you EVERYTHING."

"Like you gave me when you shoved me into oblivion?"

"Now, that's not fair-"

"Trust," Mara said, not bothering to hold back her anger anymore as she stalked toward the window, "like hiding away and making me think I was all alone here until I saw you at that shithole of an academy?"

"I was in an infirmary for half of- what are you doing?" Renji's eyes shot to Mara as she scrambled onto the windowsill.

"NO!" Mara shouted at him, "Trust is no-holds-barred, Renji. Trust is hot holding back. Trust is seeing what you want and fucking taking the leap." With that, Mara let herself fall backwards out the fourth-floor window.

Mara felt the air rush past her ears for only a split second before she was snatched from the air and pulled to a hard, scarred chest. Grimmjow. She coyly smiled at him as he landed, a sparkle in her eyes.

"Why?!" Grimmjow exclaimed, as he set her on her feet and Hisagi's arm snaked around her shoulders. Mara answered him with a wink.

"Exactly," Renji's breathless tone echoed the espada as he leaned out of his window, long pony tail dancing in the breeze, "What the hell?"

"That," Mara shouted up at him, grinning at the power of her visual statement as she wrapped her arms around her men on the ground, "is what trust looks like, Renji."

Renji blanched. How accurate she still was about him was uncanny. Howling at that moon but too afraid to leap for it. He had to bring her back again. He knew which way to lead now and he may just be remembering how to leap…

"And that is you mother's smile," he quipped, watching that smile falter as she realized he now had what she wanted too. For sure this time.

"I swear to fucking god, I am going to shove your head so far up your ass I'll be able to pull it back out and onto your neck, you conniving f-" The rest of Mara's spontaneous, and colorful, insults were muffled against Hisagi's chest.

Renji waited as Mara wore herself out, studiously ignoring the glares of the two men next to her. They weren't his concern. He had a plan of attack now. Operation Get Mara Back had a new direction, and they would grow new memories that would really get her back, just like he had promsed- even if it was a little late. Now she just had to agree.

Mara finally quieted and turned sullen eyes up at the red-head, who remained calmly stoic. "Next week?" she growled with barely contained rage. She knew she had handed him this play on a silver platter.

"Same time, same place," Renji drawled as Hisagi and the espada whisked her away.


	37. Chapter 36: All's Fair

I am so sorry for being MIA, guys. between getting sick, then going back to work and adjusting to the new "new normal", to family birthdays peppering the month, I was just overwhelmed. Hopefully I will hit my stride again as I readjust. This is no where near the end so have patience with me! Thanks

Songs for the chapter: Fight scene (you'll know it) is Horns by Bryce Fox at the end is Yellowclaw & Flux Pavilion- Catch Me (WY Flip)

**Chapter 36**

For once, Grimmjow was glad that Hisagi was carrying Mara behind him. He had approximately one and a half minutes to bring the turmoil in his head to a close before he had to paint his mask back on. No easy feat since his mind was running faster than he physically was at the moment. He wasn't sure what irked hm more: the fact that she had jumped from a window, that his heart had bottomed out because of it, or that he had to hand over the girl he had just saved. Again.

One thing he was sure of, however, was that he was fucking angry.

What in the hell had she been thinking?!

_[Probably trying to kill herself in an attempt to keep that delicious power from anyone.]_

Grimmjow couldn't help but roll his eyes as his inner hollows voice slithered across his mind. All his long years and he hadn't had to actually hear his hollows voice. They were one and the same. The voice in his head was his own. He was an undivided entity, engineered for destruction and ruling as king over those too weak to beat him and those too cowardly to try.

But sometime while he was down in that dungeon, somewhere in the midst of the torture and experiments, his mind had split. Hell, maybe it was a result of the experiments. One day, the voice scraped across his mind and told him to stand the fuck up. It demanded he bring all that willpower from the desert, where everyone else had given up, to that cell and keep fucking going.

As an Espada, he had convinced himself that he was done craving life. He believed he had transcended that baser need, but as he hung dying in that cell, he realized how wrong he was. Yeah, he was over wanting whatever his human life had held. He didn't even remember it anymore. Whatever had kept him from moving on wasn't that powerful after all. This life, hollow as it may be, that he had carved from a desert with fragments of souls over centuries… he wanted this life.

So, he had listened to the grating gravel voice in his head and kept fucking going from one horror to the next. Only the voice in his head kept him afloat without losing his mind- too much. Now, the dissociated voice was just pissing him off. Mara didn't even know how much power she had to bring to bear or that he wanted it. Had wanted it. Goddamn it.

No, Mara jumped to get under Abarai's skin. It was all a show. An ill-conceived and stupid-ass show that put her in unnecessary danger, but a show nonetheless.

_[A show that you are wrapped around her little finger! What weak king is ruled by pussy?]_

Grimmjow nearly growled as if the voice in his head wasn't some aspect of himself. He wasn't ruled by his desires- at last not the sexual ones. His fear was deeper than that, as much as it pissed his off to admit it, and Mara had summed it up perfectly. Was he still a king if he was in chains? Sure, Hisagi treated him decent- better than decent- and he had carved out something here, but it wasn't a life. It wasn't what he'd had. It sure as shit wasn't his kingdom.

_[Then you need power. It is yours for the taking.]_

But was it? Sure, he got her heart stopping smiles, her warmth in his arms… but then he always had to hand her back over to Hisagi. Or even fucking let her galivant for moments with that bastard Abarai, though at last she didn't seem to enjoy it. As much as it turned his stomach to see her show that same affection to Hisagi, it made him ill to think of her not being that way with him. It made his blood boil to know that it was once the same for Abarai and only him. Abarai had, if only for a moment, had all of her. Grimmjow, however willing he may have seemed at the time, didn't want to fucking share.

_[Yet you just keep handing her back over. Weak.]_

Grimmjow saw red as he pushed his sonido even faster, as if he could outrun the voice in his head. He wasn't fucking weak. He wasn't some bitch and he knew it. Every time he had to grit his teeth and hand Mara back over, even though he knew it was for her safety, it was the hardest thing he had ever done. Every time he put himself on the back burner, discarding everything in his nature, he was showing how strong he truly was. But still, he fucking hated it. The loathing was deep.

There was something else inside of him now, however, that seemed to be making it possible. A well of power that he was still learning about. The hollow told him to stand but this new source gave him the strength to. This was the part that wanted to cradle Mara and protect her, to give her everything and more with no guarantee of anything for himself. It was the same part that fueled the kido he had learned and more that he wasn't ready to test. It felt… fuck, he didn't know what it felt like it was so damn foreign. He couldn't help but think of Kurosaki.

When he had pulled out that mask, he had changed. The light feeling around him becoming ensconced in darkness before merging into something new. Something stronger that he could have comprehended. Grimmjow had looked into that transformation. They called them the Vizards… maybe he could do something similar and use that power on his own. He could break away without having to harm her, maybe pull her from this forced life too… it hurt his heart how trapped she was.

_[Heart? HA! What heart? You're a hollow!]_

Landing with a knee and fist hitting the ground in front of the combat center, trying to collect himself. The split-second wasn't enough to dim the eerie light burning from his bright eyes or uncoil his fists. He turned away to avoid the sight of Mara carried in Hisagi's embrace or the inevitable gentleness he would exude as he lowered her to the ground. No doubt sneaking in some sweet nothing to whisper in her ear.

Fucker.

"Where have you been hiding that speed?" Hisagi ribbed as he placed Mara on the ground.

Taking a deep breath, Grimmjow forced his uncaring smile onto his face before turning his head to look over his shoulder. He forced his eyes to only hit Hisagi and avoid the curious face and probing eyes that would see through him in a second. "I told you I'm faster than you," he snarked back, "I arrive after for decorum's sake."

To his credit, Hisagi simply grinned and rolled his eyes at Grimmjow's unspoken challenge. "Right," he answered lightly, "because decorum is such a concern of yours."

Grimmjow snorted before he began to walk toward the doors of the training rooms, the other two following.

"What are we doing here?" Mara asked them, trying to keep the edge of her previous frustration out of her voice.

"Avoiding you having to wake us up because you're too worked up to sleep," Grimmjow answered, the snarky tone causing Mara to narrow her eyes at his back. She hoped he could feel the glare. She was pissed off enough without him lapsing into jerkiness.

Hearing what almost sounded like a growl growing withing the small woman, Hisagi wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "We came up with an idea that may help," he explained patiently, "and with how worked up you were tonight, we figured we'd start now."

"We?" Mara asked doubtfully, considering the other half of the duo had yet to turn and look at her and was stalking toward the door with a tenseness in him that was palpable.

"Yes," Hisagi answered benevolently. What the hell was Grimmjow on about now?

"You want training, we can give it to you. It will let you burn off steam," he explained, "but it also seemed that you were trained before. Maybe we can help you jog memories loose, too."

Mara blinked as she wrapped her mind around their idea. It had merit on many levels. "Sure, let's give it a shot," she replied with a nod.

"Hope you are ready to hit something," Grimmjow growled, still not turning around, "I sure as hell need to."

"Who is teaching me what?" Mara asked anxiously, looking at the espada's retreating back.

"Honestly, I had planned on him handling tonight while I handled paperwork, but…" Hisagi trailed off as he caught his lower lip between his teeth in that unconscious way that made Mara's knees week.

"I've got her, Cap," Grimmjow said lowly, finally stopping at the doors to face the duo behind him.

Hisagi raised his eyebrows at him, doubt heavy in the air but Grimmjow only raised a single brow in challenge. Mara didn't miss the unspoken exchange and sighed, stepping toward the door Grimmjow was holding open.

"Jesus Christ, guys, it's a dojo. I'll be fine."

Grimmjow snorted and stepped through the door behind Mara.

"Find me after," Hisagi ordered before the door shut, "or I'm coming here to find you."

"Anything else?" Grimmjow growled out with an exasperated sigh.

"Yeah," Hisagi said, a rare aggressive expression on his hard face, "be nice."

"Aye aye, Cap'n," the espada replied, slathering on the sarcasm as he let the door shut behind him.

Mara watched Grimmjow let the door shut behind him and stalk over to the wooden pronged dummies lined up against the back wall. Besides the padded mat where she was currently stretching, they were the only other thing in the room that looked fairly familiar to the weapons room. She was pretty sure she had seen them before but had no clue what they were. As she watched, Grimmjow shrugged off his jacket and threw it on the floor under the rice paper windows before stepping wordlessly back to the dummy, shaking out his wrists.

"I'm not familiar with those things," she commented, breaking the smothering silence, "what is it?"

"Mook jong."

Mara waited as he stretched out his shoulders for him to explain further before realizing, as he began to assume a fighting stance, that he wasn't going to offer anymore.

"What's wrong?" she asked, trying to keep her own temper in check. It wasn't Grimmjow's fault that she was pissed off at Renji.

Her patience seemed to have no effect as Grimmjow didn't bother to spare her a glance as he aligned the rotating pegs. Heaving a deep sigh, she got up to stand at the dummy next to his, assuming the same stance. No sooner had she stood in place than Grimmjow launched into a volley of open-handed hits and elbows, in turn striking and blocking the spinning prongs.

"If you want me to learn that shit, you are going to have to slow down." Mara couldn't help the edge of annoyance creeping into her voice.

Freezing in place, Grimmjow breathed deeply before stopping the mechanism from spinning and realigning it. Leaning in front of Mara, he aligned hers to match his, but one rung lower to account for her height.

"Might help if you pull the stick out of your ass, too," Mara quipped, watching him work and finally eliciting a scoff of a laugh.

Grimmjow finally turned to look at her, eyes finally beginning to ease from the disconcerting, violent glow. He could see a spark of mischief bouncing in the amber shards of her own as she stared right back at him. "Pretty sure you liked silence," he replied dryly.

"You weren't being a dick then. It was comforting, not oppressive," she said softly.

Grimmjow huffed, turning back to his own and showing Mara the first strike. She dutifully followed his example as he walked her through a short round of strikes and blocks. He then repeated it faster and so did she. He watched, going the same speed as her, as he surveyed her form, before turning back to his own and speeding up slightly. No sooner had he upped the tempo than a small exclamation of pain had him stopping.

Mara rubbed her head as she glared at the mook jong before turning narrowed eyes on him. "It hit me," she pouted.

"Keeps me from having to correct you," he said wickedly, "it does that itself."

"It would have been nice to know I was signing up for self-mutilation," she grumbled as she realigned the pegs.

"It's better than throwing your own ass out of a goddamn window," Grimmjow muttered as he waited for her, the angry flames reigniting in his sapphire eyes

"Is that what this all about?" Mara asked, pausing her movements to face him with her hands on her hips.

Grimmjow turned his fierce glare on the small woman. Anyone else would have cowered, but not her and for some reason that just pissed him off more. "That would be one of the things, yes."

"Oh, come on," she groaned, "it was a glorified trust-fall. I knew one of you would catch me."

"And what if we hadn't been so close?" Grimmjow questioned, voice raising, "You were going to die to prove a point?"

"But you were close."

Grimmjow answered with a grunt and returned to the repetitive sequence he had set for them.

Mara turned as well and continued at a slower pace. It would take an idiot not to notice that he seemed intent on breaking the damn thing. "You always are. I know I can trust you… that's a lot for me to give with how backwards it is here."

Her words had been intended to soothe him, Grimmjow knew, but it only made him more frustrated. She was right. Her trust was invaluable, and it had been his original goal to get it, but- He just hit harder and faster.

"You know, I expected this overreaction from Shuuhei, not you. You run roughshod over social expectations with a smile," Mara continued, ignoring the flaring anger in him, "The goal was to convince them I was crazy."

"Not stab-them-in-their-sleep crazy," Grimmjow growled.

"Works for you," she quipped.

"I don't try to die in the process."

"Last I checked, Grimm," she addressed him shortly, "I am already dead."

"Do you not fucking get it?! You can die here too, and I can't follow you beyond it!" he raged without breaking his rhythm. "A shinigami can seppuku himself and go after you if it came to that. I would get reborn back as some street rat in this hell hole and there ends the dream."

"I'm not dying! I'm right here! Talk to me!" she finally raised her voice back.

With a roar, Grimmjow threw a punch to the center of the mook jong, exploding it into splinters. Mara followed his movement with wide eyes as he stalked around the room. "Yeah," he rasped out, "You're right here for me… until you get captured or killed or fucking married off.

Don't pretend that whatever dream I came up with will have some storybook ending, Yume. This competition with the captain is just lip service. We both know who you'll choose. You've already realized it. That's why he is "Otto". I'm a criminal here, the worst of the worst. I'm a monster. We don't get happy endings."

"You're not a monster…" Mara whispered, stepping towards him.

Grimmjow turned more quickly than Mara could see, flying towards her and pushing her against the wall with a hand to her chest. He brought his rietsu to bear, cuffs glowing so hot that he could smell his hierro trying to burn. His fangs elongated, giving him a frightening visage as he towered over the diminutive woman. "You don't know what I am," he hissed menacingly.

Narrowing her eyes, Mara finally realized his frustration. And what he was trying to do. She reacted, as unexpectedly as ever, as she leaned up to him, exposing her neck to the predator in front of her, as she brought her lips to his ear. "You can't scare me away. I already tasted the darkness in you, remember?"

"What the fuck will it take for you to get that I am trying to protect you?" He groaned out, grabbing her outer shirt to push her back to the wall.

Without thinking, Mara reached her hand over his, grabbing his thumb. Her eyes flashed with amber as she jerked it with her body unexpectedly to the side, before dropping her center of gravity. She swept out with her lag, a wave of rietsu lending the smooth action strength and the espada fell on his back. Still controlling his hand, Mara moved herself over Grimmjow, trapping his arm immobile behind her knee as she sat over his chest in a mount.

"Sweet," Mara cackled out, looking down at Grimmjow's shocked face, "Maybe now we can get past his protection crap."

Grimmjow's eye narrowed at her proud expression.

"Gotcha, Makenai Hito," Mara practically purred, lowering herself closer and resting her elbows on Grimmjow's chest.

"One good move does not mean protection isn't necessary," Grimmjow argued back. He covered her arms with his free one before bucking up with his hips and his trapped arms, sending Mara over his head and onto her back. Following her over with preternatural speed, Grimmjow seized the mount on top of her.

"Why are you so intent on using protection to push me away?" she asked, pushing as his chest in futility.

"Because its better this way," he growled, pinning her wrists to the floor next to her head.

"No! It's not!" Mara rebelled against his hold, trying to thrust him off and failing.

"Dammit!" Grimmjow yelled, catching her knee in his back. It didn't dislodge him, but he crouched forehead to forehead with her to avoid another. "Stay down," he ordered.

**God, it was hot. Her hair was in her eyes. He was too heavy. Too strong. She couldn't move from his hold.**

**"That's right, stay down little girl." The large man on top of her smiled an ugly, cruel grin, his bad breath washing over her. "Bitches belong on bottom."**

**_Ass wipe._**

**Her eyes went to the side where a grim, goateed face stared back at her.**

**_I know you… Mr. Willis._**

**"You going to let him talk to you like that? Are you gonna stay down?" Mr. Willis asked her vehemently, yelling over the pounding in her head as two more faces appeared next to him at the side of the raised ring.**

**She knew them too. Jin. Alejandro. Her training team.**

**"I can't."**

**"You can!" Mr. Willis yelled.**

**"Show him what a bitch really is, Hellcat," Alejandro encouraged her.**

**She could hear banging on the mat and counting as Mr. Willis' and Alejandro's eyes became frantic.**

**"Get up!" Mr. Willis yelled.**

**"I can't! I can't do it! He's too powerful," she gasped at them.**

Grimmjow jerked his head away from Mara's as he felt the rietsu begin to leak in a steady stream from her. Immediately, he checked her breathing and was relieved to find that it was steady if labored. Her head to the side, he could see her eyes glowing, the amber and black swirling. She seemed to be mouthing wordlessly to the side of the room, to something only she could see.

**Jin. Always calm, always sturdy. The small man stood a head shorter than all the others, but his calming presence was large and his dark eyes grounded her. "Not about size of body, about size of will," he told her, his soft, accented voice somehow reaching her.**

**"About the size of my will," she recited back.**

**"Are you strong enough to beat him? To beat all odds?"**

**"Yes Sensei," she answered, feeling that ball of determination welling inside of her. She hadn't been beaten yet. This challenge wouldn't break her.**

**"Well," Jin said with a grin, "What you waiting for?"**

Grimmjow needed to get Hisagi. Shit. As he began to sit up, just about to hop up and run, Mara's head snapped forward to face him. The amber in her eyes glowed, but she was focused, scarily so. The rietsu rose in the room at a frightening rate.

Before Grimmjow could utter a word, Mara shoved her trapped hands upward, yanking his center of gravity higher and pulling his weight off of her hips. She threw her hips to the left, knocking his knee sideways before kicking down with her left leg against his right knee, landing him heavily against the floor. Leveraging up with his momentum, Mara spun on her knee at an unfamiliar speed, pulling Grimmjow's right arm with her. Looping her legs around his arm, Mara let herself fall backwards into a punishing arm bar.

"Oh fuck, no," Grimmjow hissed, coming out of his surprise. She seemed to have an unnatural strength, boosted by the rietsu that was seeming to work as an extension of her own moves, but Grimmjow managed to use her momentum to pull himself to sitting before she could lock it in. He leaned back over her, pressing her knees to her chest.

**"Come on, girl, you're small! Use it against them. You can move in ways they can't."**

Mara's eyes flew wide as Alejandro's voice ripped across her tattered memories. YES! She knew those men. They had trained her. Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, Shito-ryu, Muay Thai. She didn't remember what they were training her for- yet- but they trained her well. She remembered that much.

Faster than Grimmjow could settle on his knees, Mara shoved the trapped arm across her body, throwing off his balance again. Thankful for her small size, Mara wriggled her lower leg free of Grimmjow's bulk while moving her other leg behind him. She latched her ankles while pulling on his arm, locking him into a triangle choke.

For a large man, however Grimmjow was scarily flexible and stronger than anyone she had ever grappled with. Her training was a drop in the bucket compared to his centuries of fighting. Reacting without hesitation, Grimmjow managed to force a speared hand behind her knee, severing the hold with a growl.

Instead of going for a mount on front again, Grimmjow forced Mara's leg down while ducking under the one that had been behind his head while tightening his grip on her ankle. Falling to accommodate Mara's position on her side, he pulled her leg into an ankle bar.

**"God bless being double jointed," Mr. Willis cheered in her head.**

**"If they must break routine, then they are leaving something open to do it," came Jin's voice, increasing her focus. "Use every unexpected opening."**

_Well, I'll be damned, it doesn't work. _Grimmjow's pressure on her ankle barely seemed like a tight stretch and left his back open. Pushing with her arms, Mara's ankle seemed to bend at an impossible angle as she thrust them back to back. She reached back anchoring her elbow under Grimmjow's jaw and braced her hand under her other elbow to pull in a reverse guillotine choke over her shoulder.

"How the-!" Grimmjow exclaimed, letting go or her terribly bent ankle as h was jerked backwards. "Goddamn it, why won't you just let me do what's right?"

Grimmjow rolled to face down on the mat, reaching behind him to grab Mara's collar. Pulling swiftly, he yanked her over his head, breaking her hold and rising to his feet.

Mara glared up at his, anger flashing in her eyes. "You are not protecting me by walking away."

Rubbing his neck, Grimmjow glared right back down at her. "It's the best way," he stated, his clipped tone belying his own anger.

"No, it's not."

"You won't win, woman! What are you trying to prove?"

**"When they say you can't do it, what do you do?" Mr. Willis asked.**

**"Do it anyway," Mara replied, eyes never wavering from in front of her as she held the horse stance and her legs burned.**

**"And if they say you won't win, what do you do?" he asked, crouching with his hands on his knees in front of her.**

**"Beat them," she replied, lifting her determined gaze to meet his.**

"That I don't need you for your damn protection!" she snarled at him. Moving so quickly that even Grimmjow's eyes almost missed it, Mara propped herself on one arm and leg, swinging a vicious back leg round house to his knees and dropping him like a sack.

Vaguely Grimmjow realized that he wasn't gasping from the impact, however. His breath was being pulled out of him by a tide of rietsu that pressed him to the floor and shook the walls. Looking at Mara, fight in her molten eyes and hair being lifted in swirls of blue, green, and purple, his straggled words died on his lips. Flash stepping to stand over him, she looked like an avenging angel. She was glorious.

Adjusting to the pressure, Grimmjow fought from his stupor. "So, your goal is to make me completely fucking useless to you?" he rasped out, rising to his knees.

"Goddamn it, Grimm, are you trying to be this dense?" she asked, running her hand over her face and unconsciously easing the press of her spiritual pressure.

Taking advantage of her distraction, Grimmjow, yanked Mara's ankle out from under her, crashing her to the mat. Holding his forearm across her chest, Grimmjow pinned her to the mat and looked into her irate face. "Then explain it to me!" he exploded, "Because I try to leave and you fight me. I try to protect you and you fucking fight me to show you don't want it!"

"I didn't say I didn't want it," Mara said, pushing at his face futilely, the power draining away from her limbs.

"Need it, then. What the fuck ever," Grimmjow growled down at her, "You are losing steam already, you do need it." _Including from me._

_[Idiot!]_

_Fuck off._

Mara took a deep breath, willing herself to hear the voices of her trainers, to see their faces. With a blast she summoned her rietsu, shoving him off of her and toward the wall. Grimmjow tucked neatly into a roll, coming up on his feet before turning and leaning on the wall to look with a critical as Mara raised slowly to her feet. The fatigue of such an output was wearing on her but the stubborn woman refused to stay down.

Rising to meet him with a glare, Mara walked towards Grimmjow where he stood with crossed arms and a condescending look. "You tried to scare me away from you," she said, voice wavering despite the accusing finger she jabbed into his chest. "If you want to walk away, then grow a pair and say so, but don't try to make me fear you or play that it's the fault of our situation."

Eyebrows rising Grimmjow wasn't sure what hit him harder: that she had the guts to insult him or that she thought he wanted to leave. "I don't want to go, Yumekanau," he whispered, raising his fingers to her cheek.

"Then don't," Mara cast him pleading eyes as she turned her face into his touch. "I can't say that I've chosen you over Shuu, but I haven't picked him either," she replied just as softly, "And I get if that isn't okay with you, but don't try to force me to go. Please.

I didn't do all this to make you feel unwanted or like I didn't need you. It's because you need to know that I NEED you. Not your protection, not your lessons, but you. Makenai Hito…"

Holy fuck, why did she have to look at him like that? "Whet the hell are you doing to me, woman?" He asked her as his hand seemed to drift of its own accord, wrapping around the back of her neck as he pulled her flush against him. How did she seem to mold so perfectly to him?

"We are playing their game, Yume," Grimmjow whispered against her lips, "and there is no way to win."

"Then we change the rules," Mara whispered back before crossing the last half inch to seal her lips against his.

The kiss was just a brush, barely there, before she pulled back to look in his bright aqua eyes.

"Please."

That one small little word, that catch in her voice… and Grimmjow was consumed by all that he had been holding back. Pulling her to him tight he crashed his lips on hers again, his tongue flicking at the seem asking for entry. Mara's lips parted and he could taste the sweetness of her. He lifted her up, cupping her ass in his hands as her legs wound around his hips and arms around his neck. For that moment all was right in his dark world.

Moaning into his mouth, Mara ground against him. Hard and dark, he was everything she needed but didn't allow herself to tap into inside of herself. Her moans and sighs were met by growls and purrs that sent heat rushing through her until the light tap at the door had them pulling apart, gasping.

"Glad you two seem to have made up," Hisagi said dryly, ignoring Grimmjow's feral growl that echoed through the empty dojo, "we have attracted some attention and you should probably get out here."

Mara's face tilted in concern as Grimmjow lowered her begrudgingly back to her feet on the floor and she head toward the door, missing the look exchanged between the men behind her.

Grimmjow expected anger from Hisagi, or at least some kind of upset, but he was surprised to find none when he looked in the captain's open expression. There was just a knowing look and grin. "How are you so calm right now?" he asked lowly.

"It's time you took your own advice, Jagerjaques," Hisagi quietly remarked back, "She's not mine- I'm simply hers. Besides, her need for both of us to have her back isn't ending any time soon."

Forehead creasing in concern, Grimmjow walked with Hisagi to stand on either side of the girl in the doorway. A tingling anticipation rolled through him as he was greeted by the enraged face of Captain Soi Fon standing front in center in the courtyard with Omaeda behind her looking sheepish.

Captains Kyoraku and Ukitake stood to the side, observing with gentle smiles from where they leaned against trees. On the other side of the courtyard, Captain Hitsuguya stood with arms crossed with Matsumoto smiling slightly behind him. Next to them, Byakuya stood with a disinterested look as all three walked out.

Abarai, however stoically he stood behind his captain was a sight to behold. His face was a mask of raw fury, his sharp canines exposed in a grimace as he tried to maintain control of himself. Neither Byakuya's nor Histuguya's pointed looks seemed to be able to make the mountain of a man stop seething enough to rein in his leaking rietsu. It felt like death as it crawled across the courtyard.

_Well, I guess the secret may be out… maybe we can salvage it, _Grimmjow thought as he took in the mixed expressions. Glancing down at the diminutive woman next to him and her determined look, he realized that wasn't what was on her mind.

_Then we change the rules. I'll be damned._

"Hisagi!" Soi Fon screeched, "How can you say you don't know her power when she nearly leveled a building? How can you-"

"Soi fon," Kyoraku interrupted lightly, "let them explain on their own. All this yelling is exhausting."

"It better be one hell of an explanation," Hisuguya grumbled, echoed by Renji's growl.

"I believe that this is why we have a weekly captain's meeting. It's too late for this tonight, captain." Hisagi said, affecting his bored tone as he shot a glare at Soi Fon.

"One that will be re-evaluating the placement of my ward, I assure you," Byakuya said smoothly, earning a slight lessening of Renji's rage and an eyebrow raise of interest from Matsumoto.

"She is too dangerous to be a ward-"

"Stop…" Mara said softly. This was too much. She cast her eyes over the bickering people in the courtyard, taking in all the emotions from concerned to irate.

"We just have to work together to find a diplomatic-" Ukitake tried to say.

Renji cut him off. "Diplomacy with a hollow?" he exclaimed throwing his hands up in frustration.

"The espada is not the issue," Kyoraku began.

"You're right!" Hitsuguya snarled, "it's the ryoka!"

Soi fon turned her glare to the three again, "I'm stationing my force-"

"STOP IT!" Mara roared from the top step.

Hisagi let out a low cough under his breath as all eyes turned to meet Mara's flaming ones

"You have been told everything we know," Mara spat out, leveling a glare at Soi Fon, Hisuguya, and Byakuya in turn. "You told us to find out how much power I have. That's what we are doing. You told us to try to make me remember. That's what happened. YOU have locked me in a gilded cage with no choices, no identity, no options and then you act like its some travesty that we are doing what you asked."

"Oh shit," Grimmjow murmured to himself.

"How dare you come in here raging," Mara asked, voice thick as she locked eyes with Renji, "when you have done nothing to help."

Grimmjow could see the fight withdrawing from the gathered crowd in their blank, if not chagrined faces. Abarai, however, his fire extinguished, was the epitome of pain as he turned his back and flash stepped away from the gathering even though Byakuya stayed.

Hisagi reached around Mara's shoulders to pull her to him and she sagged into his side.

Only Soi Fon maintained her glare. "You still intend on pushing that sham?" she asked acidly.

"No sham," Hisagi replied evenly.

"Then why was she in there with your combat instructor?" Byakuya hissed.

"It seems you may have an issue there, Shuuhei," Matsumoto said airily as she pretended again to look at her nails.

"No, I don't," Hisagi said, loosening his grip so Mara could stand straighter, but not releasing his hold around her shoulders.

"You all think you have me trapped," Mara intoned breezily, locking her eyes on Grimmjow's, "but all rules have loopholes."

"You're gonna keep fucking jumping, aren't you?" Grimmjow asked roughly.

"Shuu?" she practically whispered, glancing up into Hisagi's stormy eyes.

Hisagi tightened his arm around her. "Do it."

"Depends," Mara said, looking back at her espada as she reached out her hand to him, "are you going to catch me?"

Grimmjow's eyes widened as he cast his eyes over the small crowd watching them. Some held confusion, some outrage. There was no going back from this.

Grimmjow slid his hand into Mara's, lifting it up to kiss her knuckles and breathe in her scent. "Always."


	38. Chapter 37: Just to Breathe

I know, I know, long wait and I am... only kinda sorry, honestly. Things have been crazy and I didn't have time and then I forgot what I was doing and did it over, but as an apology, I made it a bit longer of a chapter for you! Yay! Hope you enjoy, and yes, I am already working on the next one since I have a, now very rare, day off. Thank you all for your patience, messages, and reviews. They really do help keep me motivated and encourage me to stay focused and get these things done faster for you, so please drop me a line.

Mood for this chapter (especially the second half of the second half) is Trees by 21 Pilots

**Chapter 37**

"You need to tell me about the girl now."

Renji froze in his steps and Byakuya's clipped words rolled over him no sooner than he had set foot in the office. Where was the waiting game? Where was the battle of wits? Byakuya seemed… frayed compared to his normal pristine condescension.

Resuming his trek to the chair across from the desk, Renji settled himself first before turning his hard gaze to meet the captain head on.

"Why?"

Blinking quickly to hide the rapidly developing tic in his eye, Byakuya couldn't quite bite back the sigh of frustration in time. He had the distinct urge to throttle Renji at this very moment. The stubborn beast had left just early enough last night to not have to witness the girl with the espada AND Hisagi so still saw Byakuya as the enemy… if he only knew.

Unfortunately, the amount of uproar this little, blue haired she-devil was apparently intent on causing was only a fraction of what was giving Byakuya a tension headache and robbing him of sleep. He was loathe to admit that a larger part was guilt. If he had kept the girl, she would be making declarations of love to his long-suffering but happy lieutenant instead. If he had warned Renji of the espada instead of waiting to see if exposure would jog more hints about how he came back to Soul Society, then he could have avoided making the girl emotionally attached to the espada and angry at Renji.

But there was no room in his life for apologies, Byakuya assured himself as he locked his dark blue gaze on the sepia glare of his lieutenant. He watched his stony visage for any flicker of agreement, familiarity – but the only movement Renji made was to lazily run his tongue over one of his slightly elongated canines. Byakuya acknowledged the unspoken threat with another sigh. He was well aware that Renji's fang could hit harder and deeper now than it ever had before.

More importantly than even Renji's notorious rage was the outcome this girl's presence could have on seats of power in soul society. She could clearly manipulate those around her (that had to be why Hisagi was reacting as he had been). She was obviously smart and devious. On top of that, she was starting to bring her own not-inconsiderable power to bear. That is why he and Renji needed to come to a truce here and now.

It was time for trust again, like they had had before.

"Because," Byakuya explained as he leaned forward on the desk, steepling his fingers as he kept Renji's gaze, "Your girl is winning. I'm not sure if it's dumb luck or if they are planning their actions, but either way they are playing Go while we are chewing on Majong tiles like toddlers."

Renji couldn't help but crack a smile at the apt analogy.

"I'm glad you find this amusing," Byakuya intoned drolly, "because it is hurting you much more than I at the moment- especially after last night."

Renji's face sobered as he eyed his captain carefully. What motive was Byakuya hiding behind that carefully crafted shell? "They simply succeeded in doing something I had failed in up to this point," Renji bit back, "That will change soon. I told you, I know what I need to do now. End of story."

Byakuya's sculpted brows raised as he pursed his lips together and studied Renji right back. "So, you are going to be romantically involved with her too?" he asked dryly.

"I'd hardly call her arranged marriage to Hisagi 'romantically involved'," Renji ground out, unable to fight the eye roll as he leaned back in the chair. He mentally flipped through his mind to the events of the night before. He had shown up with Byakuya as the massive rietsu had peaked but he had become enraged when he saw Hisagi casually leaning against the side of the building.

His relaxed posture had hidden his unease from most of the people there, but not Renji. He had trained with the man for years, knew his few and subtle tells that no one else did. Tension had run through his friend's frame. That was what had pissed Renji off the most. How in the hell could Byakuya have trusted his Ippin to someone who would let her suffer through memories alone? His ire had only risen when Mara walked out with the hollow and he realized Hisagi had let Him watch over her.

Wait… she had walked out with… Grimmjow. No.

Byakuya kept his features schooled into uncaring serenity as he watched Renji connect the dots between the events and flames leapt into his eyes. "And how would you know this?" Renji hissed at him through clenched teeth.

"Amazing what you can learn when you don't leave things early," Byakuya stated pointedly.

Renji stood so abruptly that his chair flew backwards from behind him. Lacing his hands behind his neck, Renji paced and breathed deep to try to regain some modicum of control. He was going to kill her. Fuck, who was he kidding. He wouldn't touch her. His poor Ippin had been man-handled, tossed around, exploited, lied to…. He was going to kill everyone else, slowly and painfully, starting with this asshole Kuchiki. Just another one of that damn clan who had effectively wasted years of his life.

Renji finally turned to slam clenched fists on the desk separating him from Byakuya, muscles in his arms straining as a quaking rage rose in him. He couldn't even find words to roar at the bastard! Was what Byakuya was hinting at even true or was this just another twisted test to get information? "I swear on everything in me," Renji snarled, his voice dangerously low, "If this is another one of your manipulations, I will challenge you for the seat of this squad just to make you bleed."

Byakuya's eyed flashed in anger at the threat and he rose to face Renji eye to eye. "You classless, insubordinate brat," Byakuya sneered right back, "You would not be worthy of heading the Sixth. My clan has-"

"Your clan is shit!" Renji roared, losing what last threads had remained of his patience, "Doesn't matter if it's by birth, blood, or adoption, every single one of you is a cold, fucked up, manipulative bastard! What few emotional decisions any one of you has ever made has been so ass-backwards that it destroys people. You, Rukia, and probably your goddamn ancestors too, have only ever twisted people and situations your own way for whatever fucking test you are running on us 'crass peasants' and you say that I'M not worthy of running a squad?"

"Are you done now?" Byakuya input coldly.

"Not by half," Renji retorted, "Your warped sense of class has made me never good enough to run the things around you until you realize that it's too damn late and you rely on me. Don't you dare deny it. I was never good enough for Rukia, right? You and your precious clan warped her mind until she didn't see me as good enough either… until she went after Kurosaki. Then it was 'Abarai, save my sister, she neeeeds you!' I was good enough then, huh?

Well, fuck that. Fuck her, fuck you, fuck your entire goddamn approach to life. You pin everything you think and do into such a corner that when you let the real you out, you destroy everything you touch! All this that is going on- this is your fault. You gave in to a weak idea that should have never fooled you and then you tried to manipulate situations causing bigger problems. Now, here you are asking me again to clean up a mess, but you have crossed the line with Mara and I will be damned if I am going to jump through your hoops and destroy her, too.

Make no mistake, Byakuya, I can challenge you at any point and you know there's as much a chance of me coming out of it alive as you. And I will fucking do it unless the next words out of your mouth are so profound that I am rendered mute. Otherwise, I will cut you to pieces with your own kensaikan."

Breathless by the end of his tirade, Renji's eyes remained fierce and locked on the dark blue ones across from him. How long had he wanted to tell Byakuya what he thought of him now? How much had he wanted to scream to the world of how far his mentor had fallen? How hard had he wanted to curse that entire clan?

Apparently Renji had been holding that in for a long time, Byakuya realized as he slowly lowered himself back to his seat. The worst part was that he wasn't wrong. Every time Byakuya made an emotional decision it seemed to lead to nothing but heartache. His own choice of wife had rended his family into pieces. His promises to both his parents and Hisana had revealed how short-sighted and perhaps emotionally stunted he truly was.

Studying his fuming Lieutenant, he wondered how Renji had nailed it down so concisely- if still crassly. He was lewd and crude and jovial, on now very rare occasions, but it seemed that Renji could see things and piece together bits of information far more astutely than Byakuya had ever given him credit for. He truly did rely on the man; he was nearly ashamed to admit it. Renji was the unlikely diplomat, the source of information, the connection to the masses… damn.

"You… are right," Byakuya said slowly, softly, as if it pained him to make the admission,

"What was that?" Renji asked as he leaned back over the desk. Hot damn, he could swear his ears were deceiving him. Of all the responses from rage to dismissal to jailing, Renji had not expected those three words. Byakuya had basically rendered him speechless.

"I said," growled Byakuya, "that you are right."

"On which point?"

"All of it," admitted Byakuya with a groan despite his face remaining as stoic as ever, "All except one part."

Seating himself as well, Renji maintained his imposing lean on the desk as he searched Byakuya's face for any tell at all that he was just feeding him more crap for an unknown end. "What part?"

"I never manipulated things because I just wanted to harm you," Byakuya replied dourly, "Quite frankly you forced my hand on a few because you are so tight lipped-"

_Well that was the shortest stint of not-being-a-dick the worlds have ever seen, _Renji thought. Byakuya held up a hand, stopping Renji's retort before he could even make one.

"But I have only ever manipulated for the good of Soul Society, or for the good of you most recently. My attempts may have fallen flat but… I really do want to help you."

Renji's jaw went slack in shock. _He has to be lying._

"I'm not lying." Byakuya answered the unasked question, taking advantage of Renji's uncommonly open expression while it lasted. He supposed that maybe this 'coming-clean' approach that Ukitake always preached may have some merit. It had at least worked to get Renji to stop threatening to challenge him. He was still mostly sure that he would win- experience beats exuberance- but Renji always had been a wild card. It would also take killing his lieutenant to get him to stop and Byakuya had to admit that would probably only increase this irksome feeling of guilt.

"Believe it or not," Byakuya continued, embracing this open approach, "I feel that you did not deserve what Rukia did to you. I recognize that you have aided me for a very long time, far longer than I think you even know. You even helped me to fulfil my promise to Hasana before I even knew Rukia was still alive when you kept her safe in that horrid town…

But I digress. You deserve contentment and I am aware that the girl will bring it to you. I am also aware that much of her distance is due to me, so I want to help you get her back. We just need a plan and for her luck to run out soon."

During Byakuya's monologue of unexpected truths, Renji had wavered between his outrage, awe, and sheer shock but his final statement launched him back to reality. They needed to come up with a plan. A plan to help him get Mara.

"You make that sound so easy," Renji drawled slowly.

"In reality, it may just be." Byakuya leaned back in his chair, thoughtfully tapping his long fingers on the desk in front of him as he pondered the situation with the girl. "We should just have to-"

"Hold on," Renji interrupted him, "You mean to tell me, you are gonna help me get the girl and atone for your actions because… of the goodness of your heart? What do you get out of this?"

Byakuya's dark, sharp eyes flew to his lieutenants. "Hopefully, a functioning lieutenant," he said wryly, eliciting a rueful grin from the man across from him. "That and a good night's sleep. You have earned my loyalty, and I am tired of guilt."

"Huh." Renji could only scoff at the thought for lack of any other reaction. He couldn't have anticipated Byakuya posing as an ally- talk about coming from left field. He had to thank Mara for that analogy at some point. But could he trust him? Renji couldn't see that he had much choice. Byakuya was right, Mara was topping them each individually. Maybe together they could change the game.

"Alright," Renji finally said slowly with a slow nod, "But you should know going forward that I will only give you information I think that you need. And no more of your crazy ploys that wander in that gray area of morality."

"Fine," Byakuya agreed.

"You also need to know that Mara won't run out of luck."

Byakuya couldn't fight the small frown that formed on his lips. "What do you mean?"

Renji smiled grimly. "Remember when you played a few rounds of chess with Urahara Kisuke?" he asked.

"Yes," Byakuya snarled, his frown etching more deeply, "Such a frustrating man. You could never tell when he was serious. He played so recklessly that you weren't sure if he knew all the moves so well that he could string them into new plays with such randomness efficiency or if he was just moving for the hell of moving. And yet, he always won."

"Mara beat him," Renji said conspiratorially.

Byakuya's eyes widened at the implications. None of this was blind luck. None of this was Hisagi's teaching or the espada's tenacity and centuries of experience. It was all her. This girl had a dangerous mind. "Very well," he said softly, "we have our work cut out for us."

"Indeed, we do," Renji nodded. He finally eased back in his chair, mirroring Byakuya's relaxed pose and cold mask. It looked like they were actually going to do this. "Now, what is it we should just have to do?"

.

.

.

Leaning against the side of the building next to the grand double doors of the Captain's meeting, Mara twisted and twirled a lock of blue and black hair around her finger. She bit her lip nervously as she looked over at Grimmjow reclining serenely next to her, eyes closed and face turned to the sun. She could swear to God he was a cat sometimes.

"Don't ask again, woman," he ordered her dryly without opening his eyes, "and stop fidgeting. You're so filled with energy it's about to make me fucking bounce."

Mara couldn't help but snort a small laugh at the mental image of Grimmjow bouncing around like a high school girl at a pep rally.

"And stop thinking whatever the fuck it is that you are thinking," he declared.

"How are you so calm?" Mara asked, voice edged in high-pitched anxiety.

"Why are you freaking out?" he rebutted, finally opening his eyes to study the girl. She had an uncommon, worried slant to her mouth that he didn't like seeing there. His lips and a smile were much better accompaniments.

"How can I not," Mara answered petulantly, "This is the first time I will be going in front of most of these guys, if my plan to go in and speak my piece even works. What if they don't even bring me in? And if they do, what if they don't listen?! What- AH!"

In a flash Grimmjow had grabbed Mara's hand, twirled her into his arms and planted a hard kiss on her still open lips. It was an effective way to shut her up that was also highly enjoyable. "Stop."

Mara leaned her head against Grimmjow's chest, taking in the scent of him as she breathed deep trying to clear her head. His strong hands sent little shivers through her body as he traced them down to rest easily in her hips. Leave it to this man to find a way to calm her down that involved man-handling her. She smiled gently as she wondered if he was now reclining with red lips from her- shit, her lipstick. "Is my make-up still ok?!" she practically squealed, "What are they saying now?!"

Grimmjow's dropped his head back to thunk against the wall in defeat. "I will tell you when they call your name," he promised monotonously, "and your make up is fine even though I don't know why you bothered with that shit."

Digging his fingers into Mara's hips, Grimmjow roughly ground her hips into his making her gasp and look at him with wide eyes. He was a master of this distraction shit, clearly. "And if you don't calm the fuck down, I'm going to mess up a hell of a lot more on you than your make-up, Yumekanau," he threatened with purr that made Mara's knees go fully weak and she sagged against him.

"I know what you're doing," Mara whispered as she splayed her hands across his bare chest under his jacket.

Hooking his finger under her chin, Grimmjow tilted her chin up to face him to lock her in a sultry gaze. "Is it working?"

Before she could not in agreement, he spun her quickly and stepped away from the wall, wrapping her in his arms. "It's time, Yume," he said gently, "grand entrance or genteel?"

"Gentle intro would be best," she said with a decisive nod, "I'm supposed to be fragile, remember?"

Grimmjow snorted mirthfully but walked her to the door and opened it slowly, walking her inside with a hand on her back to a where Hisagi stood waiting for her, his own hand outstretched. Mara took it, not having to feign the nervousness she felt at being faced with some of the most powerful and ancient beings in the three worlds. Hisagi's hand was warm in hers and Grimmjow's presence at her back kept her feet moving forward as she took her place to survey the room.

Some faces were familiar, although not all were friendly, but she had a feeling that she knew everyone in the room. Perhaps much more than they wanted her to or could even be aware of. There was Komamura's fearsome visage that hid a heart of gold, according to Hisagi. Mayuri's black and white painted face and mane of blue paled in its horror compared to the madness in his eyes. Mara couldn't help the shudder that ran through her, eyes darting to Grimmjow's painted grin, as she struggled to imgine the horror delivered at that man's hands.

Keeping her lashes lowered demurely, Mara panned her eyes around the room. She slid from the kind faces of Captain Kyoraku and Captain Ukitake to the hard glare of Soi Fon. She paused briefly to take in the larger-then-life persona of Kenpachi Zaraki, whose feral grin spoke death, before smiling softly at the serene face of Captain Unohana.

_Oh my fucking god. _

Renji couldn't help his jaw going slack as Mara was led gently into the room. He understood now her reaction to him in modern clothing as he saw her regally step in full kimono. The steel gray kimono must have been threaded with silver because every move she made caused the rustling fabric to appear to be raining. The black obi, artfully tied to accentuate her curves instead of hiding them, was shot through with jets of white and electric blue, and completed the look of a walking storm. She had pulled and pinned her hair up on one side, allowing the other side to fall in raucous curls that did nothing to lower her formality.

Never had battle armor been so beautiful.

_Or so full of meaning, _Renji realized as Mara stepped between Hisagi and Grimmjow. She had literally put them into fabric and merged them on her body. As much as it irked him, he had to admire her tenacity and subtlety. She was hitting on every level so far. _That's my girl._

Renji watched as Mara's gaze swept through the room in a practiced move that he had seen many times. Surprisingly, her ability to read a room didn't come from her fighting experience, but her disability. After being robbed and unable to fight back once, Mara had honed her skills to determine friend from foe quite quickly. Her serene expression did not completely hide her nervousness from Renji's knowing gaze as he watched her pressing her nails into her palm.

Renji was unprepared for when her wary gaze met his. There was trepidation and worry but, maybe just maybe, some hope. Seemingly unconsciously, Mara rubbed her thumb over his tattoo on her wrist and Renji's confidence soared. There was hope, and where there was hope there should be an opening.

Mara's eyebrows barely rose in question at Renji's imperceptible nod of acknowledgement, but she would see. It was time for his plan. Breaking her gaze, Renji turned to focus his attention on the head captain, sensing Mara do the same.

"Captain Hisagi," Head Captain Yamamoto barked out, "You have finally decided to present us with the ryoka in question."

"No," Hisagi replied evenly, "I am presenting you Mara. A whole, not a ryoka, who is willing to be seen in order to stop being a veritable prisoner."

Soi Fon huffed and crossed her arms. "She does not have a choice. We don't know her intentions or her power-"

"And even if she says she harbors no ill will, how can we believe her," growled Komamura.

Hisagi locked angry eyes with the grumbling man. "Since when is MY word not enough for you, my friend?"

"Since you tricked me into releasing her to your care would be a place to start," Byakuya said in a disinterested tone, seemingly unaware of his lieutenant glaring daggers at him.

Mara watched as the various captains hurled accusations or tried to keep peace as Hisagi stepped forward as if to be a literal barrier for her. She couldn't help but stare in confusion as Renji whipped his captain around by his shoulder to whisper at him angrily. Omaeda gave her an encouraging smile from behind his captains fuming back. Kenpachi simply smiled at the chaos. So involved in watching, Mara literally jumped as the head captains voice rumbled over the room.

"Enough!" bellowed Yamamoto, "We are here to ask the girl questions and decide her intentions. Not sling accusations!"

Turning his intense gaze onto her, Mara could feel her knees literally quake. She had been prepared to defend herself against the captains. While powerful, most of them were easy to read which made them easy to predict and counter, but not Yamamoto. His age did nothing to dull the gleam of high intelligence in his eyes. His stoop even seemed to be for show under his long robes. Mara knew instinctually that she may have met her match even before he uttered a word to her.

"Do you know why you are here, girl?" Yamamoto said, his tone gentle but no less commanding.

Hisagi's warm hand braced Mara's back and she let the heat of it comfort her as she nodded in response. "Y-yes, head captain," she stammered, clearing her throat, "I am here to answer questions you all have about me."

"Correct," the head captain agreed, "Now, why are you in soul society?"

Mara had expected this question and managed to twist her face into a perfect picture of innocence and confusion. "I died," she said softly, "I am told that this is where souls come when they die, so I am here."

Yamamoto's eyes narrowed as he studied the girl. Her response was flawless for someone fragile, reaching for answers... but he could see more than most. He saw practice and intelligence as she had scanned the room so subtly that most wouldn't have even picked up on it when she came in.

"He meant _how_ you came to be here and the strange circumstances, you stupid chit!" Soi Fon couldn't help but retorting.

"Watch your mouth," Grimmjow growled, flames leaping in his eyes.

"You are not allowed to speak here, hollow," Yamamoto addressed calmly, but grimly, "and the question stands."

"Oh, um- well I really only know about that what I was told," Mara replied honestly, "When I came through, I only remembered a pair of eyes, and blood, and someone later yelling 'Bankai'."

Again, the old man's eyes narrowed in a hard stare. She had told the truth but…

"If I may, Yama-gii," Kyoraku cut in sleepily, "You said that's what you remembered when you came through. What about now?"

_Dammit. _Mara stroked her wrist over her now familiar tattoo again. Why was she worried about exposing Renji to the captains? Why was she worried about him at all? If he had done something wrong then they should know! If she was in all this because of him…. But-

Mara flicked her eyes to Renji. To her surprise, he gave another imperceptible nod. He was going to take the heat. He didn't seem one to shirk blame, now that she thought about it, but his support was not something she had planned on considering his rage the last time she saw him.

"I later remembered a little more. Snapshots, really, more than a cohesive memory," Mara elaborated slowly, "I remembered a blur of black and green that- that felt like death, and I remember a sword being raised above my head. I remember that same blood soaked face telling me to 'remember that I am loved'."

Yamamoto nodded deeply. It wasn't much but it did seem to reflect the reports from the 6th.

"Head Captain," Byakuya said, "We are aware of the full events from Abarai's many testimonies. We have also come to see that it was he in these memories. This only further backs up my claim. At this point we are wasting time."

"Captain Kuchiki," Ukitake replied, admonishment thick in his voice, "This is a whole, not a game piece. She deserves her say."

Mara's confused look was echoed back at her as she looked to Hisagi for guidance on what they were talking about. The subtle shake of his head made Mara wonder what she had missed. She had thought they would demand marriage now or try to take Grimmjow away but it sounded as if they had something much darker in the wings.

Hisagi's warm hand of support on her back was joined by Grimmjow's as Mara's mind raced. She risked another look at Renji, but couldn't catch his eye as he seemed to glare in confusion at Byakuya. He was trying to ask him something, but his head was bowed and voice too low for Mara to catch the words. He seemed as lost as she was. This wasn't good.

"What is going on?" Hisagi asked.

"Would it be safe to say that you were in a relationship with Abarai Renji in the world of the living?" Byakuya asked her, completely ignoring Hisagi.

"Uh- I-." Mara stuttered.

"Kuchiki-san," Kyoraku drawled, "I'd hardly call a day as a whole a relationship."

"Was it only a day as a whole, girl?"

Renji's and Mara's eyes widened in tandem.

"You knew of soul society before coming here!" Captain Hitsuguya gasped angrily.

"So this really could have been planned!" Kyoraku joined him.

"If I did, I don't know it now! I just came here to ask to choose-" Mara tried pleading.

"You are not speak unless spoken to, Ryoka!" Soi Fon cut her off with screech and slice of her hand through the air.

"I chose to reach out to her!" Renji tried to interject, "She could see us and was going to die soon anyways. It was my choice."

"She was Renji's to begin with, so we need the answers and dynamic of them together," Byakuya raised his voice, "Not someone who is unfit and a liar. I can over see them together."

Banging his cane on the floor, Yamamoto drew attention back to the proceedings at hand. "I do not take kindly to being lied to or manipulated, girl," he began, "Captain Kuchiki approached us believing that Hisagi Shuuhei's claim of love at first sight was false and an attempted power grab. He has stated, as your ward keeper that the engagement should be dissolved with the Captain of the 9th squad, and, as such time as he sees fit, you shall be married to his Lieutenant Abarai Renji."

"No!" Mara yelled out, realizing that her voice had been joined in outrage by… Renji? It had to be Renji. Hisagi and Grimmjow had effectively been reborn as statues as they tried to process what was being said. Mara turned a glare to Renji to see him not wavering in stepping forward.

"No," He said again firmly.

The old man's eyebrows rose in curiosity. "Do you not love the girl, Abarai Renji?"

"Of course, I do! But this is wrong," he replied back quietly.

"She is going to have to be controlled somehow," Soi Fon said nonchalantly, "At least we know that Byakuya won't be swayed like that weak one over there."

Mara looked around the room in shocked horror. Who did these people think they were? How did they believe that controlling someone like this was okay? She should have expected it, she supposed. Look at what they did to her poor espada. If Hisagi… Mara snapped back to reality with Soi Fon's casually hurled insult at the man who she respected most in the 3 worlds.

"How dare y-" she began only to be cut off again.

"What do you have to say in defense of your current union?" Yamamoto raised his voice over the din.

"Only Captain Hisagi knows his true intentions, I don't believe they are for you to judge," Mara said, eyes frantic and frustration edging her tone.

"My dear, that is what we are here to do," Captain Unohana elaborated gently, "we are each other's counterbalance in the lack of Central 46."

"Don't give her more details about us," Hitsuguya grumbled.

_I have more details than you know, Little Captain,_ Mara thought vehemently as she narrowed her eyes at Hitsuguya. _No, stay on track._

"What I can verify," she followed up, "Is that Captain Hisagi has never made any indication that he didn't love me from our very first meeting. Every action showed his feelings."

"Then why are so interested in the _espada_?" Komamura growled, spitting out the word like it was acid on his tongue.

"I have been exposed to almost no one here, these are the choices you gave me!" Mara could feel a sob on the edge of her voice. The sheer noise these people made, the echo chamber of clashing ideas they had created, seemed to be breaking her down on a neurological level. "I am not asking to marry, Grimmjow-"

"Why marry him when you practically live with him?" Soi Fon hissed, "How does you loving fiancé feel about your alone time with the enemy?"

This. Was. Insanity. These people… were they so far removed from life that they forgot what made it valuable? How they do this to her? To her captain? To her espada? She was so fucking angry she could scream, so overwhelmed she could cry. Instead, she began to laugh.

"Do you ever shut the fuck up?" she cackled out at Soi Fon.

Soi Fon's eyes widened as Mara's laughter became the only sound that reverberated through the room.

_Oh fuck. _Renji recognized this devolving state. The plan had been to be the hero to Byakuya's tyranny, but his Ippin was about to draw far more ire for him to defend her from. Screw the hollow, but he was beginning to understand why Hisagi was going along with all this- Mara needed all of them to watch her back with the target she was painting on it. For the first time, Renji was thankful that his old friend was on her side and, by default, on his side. He could work out the details later.

Mara's laugh still echoed in the chamber as she turned her attention to the captains against her. "Do you even hear yourselves?" she asked condescendingly, "I have no memories. I had, and somewhat still have, no goddamn idea who I even am, but you keep prattling on like gossiping schoolgirls about what plans I had before and what I'm not telling you. Newsflash, idiots, I'd like to know too but you can't get water from a well that's dry."

"All I came in for today was to ask if I can have time and a choice! That's it," she addressed the council at large, tears welling in her captivating eyes. "I have been bought and sold and traded like cattle since I got here. I wouldn't change who I wound up with here because he has been the only one supportive of MY choice, even though he knows there's a slim chance I wouldn't choose him!"

"But NO! none of you listen to reason. Maybe you don't even have the capacity for it," Mara began to rage, "Instead you jumped on the same bandwagon you do for every bit of change or oddity. You would think you would have learned after Kurosaki but you were so blinded by your preconceived notions that you are still recovering from the fall out! If that didn't prove what a failure in leadership this group is then I don't know what does."

It was at that moment that Mara could only think of one thing: she had never heard crickets in Soul Society. If they were there, surely, they would have played their tune to fill up the silent space left in her wake.

Instead the space was instantly filled with the most oppressive heat Mara had ever felt. It stole the breath from her lungs and dropped her instantly to her knees. Yamamoto.

"I will not be disrespected by an impertinent_ infant_ in this hall," he roared as he released a wave of spiritual pressure that slammed Mara into the ground and even made Hisagi wobble in his stance.

Mara could feel herself being shoved backwards but it did nothing to ease the press on her. Raising only her eyes, she could see Grimmjow's cuffs glowing like molten silver and starlight as he managed to release a thread of his own rietsu, if only to buoy up Hisagi and try to push her away from the direct onslaught. Feeling her panic rise, Mara could feel her rietsu rising with it. She couldn't breathe.

**She couldn't breathe. She was on the ground. It hurt so bad.**

Willing her eyes in front of her Mara saw a blur of black and red race between her and her men.

**Dust. Screaming. Can't breathe. A figure in black with wild red hair was leaping through the air.**

"Bakoudo 81: Danku!" A deep voice roared out as Mara could feel herself being cradled in strong arms.

**The dust was gone… what room was this? She could fell herself being lifted frantically from the floor. **

**"Renji?" she asked weakly, eyes unable to raise from the dark fabric against her face and his chest.**

**"I've got you, Ippin."**

The warmth of the sun shone on her as she realized she was at the edge of the door to the chamber, a glowing wall blocking her from the horrible feelings inside the room. She could still see the chaos inside. Grimmjow and Hisagi stood unwavering but glancing in shock at the wall… Wait, if they were in there…

"Renji?" she asked breathlessly, raising tired eyes to his worried, tattooed face frowning down at her.

"I've got you, Ippin," he told her seriously, setting her down slowly to sit on her own.

"Wh-what just- what the hell just happened?"

Renji's face spread into a lazy smile. "You and that goddamn mouth of yours happened," he chuckled, "The head captain did not appreciate it as much as me and your companions."

Mara levelled a hard look at Renji, trying to tame her attitude for a moment. He did just possibly save her after all. "My _companions_?" she asked incredulously.

"I- I'm trying, Ippin," Renji whispered as the wall between them and the chaos seemed to shimmer. "I want us to start fresh, from the beginning."

Mara's wide eyes were torn between his earnest look and the wall which seemed to be becoming more transparent the longer it held. "You want to do this now?"

"Yes," Renji replied vehemently, as the wall solidified again.

"O-okay?" Mara said in confusion, eyes still darting like a dog at a tennis match.

Renji gently reached out to pull Mara's chin to face him, grounding her eyes in his calm stare. "My name is Abarai Renji, and I was the love your life and I hope to be the love of your afterlife too," Renji said softly, feeling Mara's fluttering pulse against his fingers, "But I promised you once that I would never keep you from what you want. I am going to promise you the same thing now. I will always fight for you and protect you."

Lip quivering in emotion, Mara could read the honesty in his eyes.

"Maybe it'll all blow up on me, but there's nothing saying I can't comfort you, protect you, or be your friend, or even call you Ippin. Will you let me do that?"

The words he used, that expression- Mara knew she had heard something like it before it rang no less true now. Slowly, she nodded her head and was rewarded with a dazzling smile that stole her breath away in a much more enjoyable way.

"In that case," Renji said with a grin, "It is wonderful to meet you… again." Sweat began to break out on his forehead and he dropped his hand to the ground to brace himself against the exertion of holding off the simple spiritual pressure of the head captain. "I hate to cut this moment off, Ippin," he gasped raggedly, "but I can't hold this much longer. My spiritual power is nearly spent."

Mara's eyes finally left the tired face of the man in front of her, amazed at the strength and sacrifice he was portraying. Hesitantly, she raised her hand up to pause above his heaving chest before reaching out to touch him, splaying her fingers over his pounding heart. "Can you use mine?" she whispered.

Renji's eyes widened as they locked on hers. Shocked into silence, all he could do was nod.

Mara closed her eyes, picturing the memories that she had just barely begun to learn to harness. She could feel the thin thread of rietsu weaving with the warmth of his on as it flowed through Renji, returning the wall to solid. She could feel the resistance coming from within the room and willed herself through more memories, feeling the danku harden as she did.

Mara looked over to see the captains inside staring at them through the haze of the wall. Hisagi and Grimmjow seemed torn between relief and… fear? She could see Byakuya and Hitsuguya in front of Hisagi as if trying to talk something out, the head captain's pressure easing as they did.

Concerning were the glares of Matsumoto, Soi Fon, and Komamura. At once, Soi fon stepped forward and redoubled the spiritual press against the wall.

The breath was expelled from from Mara's body as if hit by a physical blow. Covering her hand with his, Rengi tried to pull her from him. "Let go, I'll take the hit."

Mara moved only to grab his lapel in a tight fist, knuckles pressed to his chest. "You said I'm stubborn?" she gasped.

"To a fault," he couldn't help but chuckle in agreement.

Looking back up to Renji's piercing stare, she repeated her most vivid memory to herself out loud. "Blood red, bankai, remember. Blood red, bankai, remember."

Catching on quickly, Renji moved his hand to wrap around the back of her neck, pulling her up to him. Pressing quaking lips to her forehead, Renji murmured, "If you remember nothing else, remember that you are loved."

Renji's eyes shot open as a wave of Mara's rietsu ripped through his body, rendering the danku completely opaque. If her earlier output had been a warm caress, wiggling its way in to fortify his own, this was a siege- a soul-deep takeover of the best kind. Renji could do no more than freeze with her face pressed to his as he tried to direct the force into the wall lest it tear him apart.

How long did they sit like that? Renji could swear it was just a breath but it felt like years before a knock came from the other side of the wall. Mara dissolved into giggles at the comedic thought of the captains knocking and Renji couldn't help but smile along. Disentangling herself from him, neither bothered rising to their feet as the wall dissolved.

Byakuya came striding out, pausing next to Renji to look disdainfully down at his lieutenant on the ground. "Let's go," he said with a sneer, walking off before even giving Renji a chance to rise.

"Wait," Mara stammered as Hisagi and Grimmjow ran up to her, "What happened?"

Wasting no time, Hisagi swept Mara up princess style while Grimmjow reached out to feel for injuries. "Byakuya withdrew his complaint. We had to agree to put you in spirit monitoring cuffs. They wont limit you like Grimmjow's, but they will monitor your spiritual pressure at all times."

"They have agreed to extend the normal 3 month betrothal period to 6 months or until you regain all of your memories, whichever comes first," Grimmjow continued as Hisagi adjusted his grip to begin to stride home, "but it buys you time. At least they aren't taking you. We'll handle the rest tomorrow."

"Yeah, at least I'm still with you guys, I don't know what I'd do without you." Mara closed her eyes as Hisagi launched up into a flash step home, but for some reason she couldn't think of anything but a red-headed mountain of a man struggling to his feet alone.

Headed the opposite direction, a limping Renji finally caught up to his stoic captain.

"I trust that little show aided you with the girl," he said in his typical monotone.

"You were right, I have to admit," Renji said ruefully, "be her hero and use it to start fresh. You didn't do so bad yourself, Keyzer Soze."

"I have no idea what that means," Byakuya intoned with a small roll of his eyes.

"It means you played your part well," Renji elaborated.

Byakuya sniffed in disdain as they reached the 6th barracks. "Of course," he said offhandedly, "but next time I am not bailing you out with Head Captain Yamamoto."

"Whatever you say, Captain," Renji said with a mock salute, ducking into the barracks before he could see the small hint of a smile at the corner of Byakuya's lips.


	39. Chapter 38: Day Bleeds into Nightfall

Hey guys, see I am working harder! heres the new one. It flows straight into the next so I will try to have that up as soon as possible.

Song for the chapter is Can You Hold Me by NF feat. Britt Nicole, really for the second half of the chapter

Enjoy!

**Chapter 38**

Mara twisted the shiny silver cuff on her wrist, inspecting it as she sat cross-legged on the bed in her room alone. She sent up another silent thanks that Nemu had been in charge of sizing her into a delicate cuff. It was more like jewelry than her own form of imprisonment. If hers had been as thick as Grimmjow's, it would have covered half her forearm.

Monitoring, Mayuri had said, was necessary as they couldn't trust her _current_ guardians or herself to tell the truth.

_Ass._

Of course, they had put it on her right wrist, too. Could have covered up that damn tattoo which taunted her with random thoughts of flaming hair and hot nights every time she looked at it, but no. They just had to get the best reading from her dominant hand and leave Renji's mark to stare at her.

Switching her attention from her right to her left, she ran her thumb over the little tattoo again. Before, it had made her angry but after today… His eyes had been so honest, his plea heartfelt as he had literally reintroduced himself to her. There had been no pressure. For once, he hadn't been trying to make her who she was before but just reaching out to her as she was now. Had it been a switch in character? Was he playing a part? Or was she finally seeing the true version of Renji?

If this was the real him, she mused, tracing the delicate pattern, then she could begin to see why she had gotten this tattoo. Questions had plagued her before about it; this little bit of black ink had mocked her. What could she have been thinking to mark herself to him? That look today, though, that kindness and softness… she could see it now.

Abruptly, Mara dropped her hands to her lap and looked around the vacant room. She did not need to be thinking about adding Abarai Renji into the equation of her life right now. He could remain on the fringes. Mildly nice interrogator who was willing to help her a bit- that was his position and he needed to stay there.

Her mind should be focused on her captain and her espada. She could feel their absence like a hole had opened in the void of the room. Mara knew she should probably get a little bit used to it as the men were having to step in on extra patrols. She wasn't the only one being punished for today, the Captain's Council were making sure of that. She knew she should have kept her damn mouth shut. It always seemed to be her downfall. Yet, she had gone and opened the fucker again and here they were. The boys were risking life and limb versus hollows and she got to be alone and at the mercy of the nightmares.

Mara was jolted out of making a mental list of ways to stay awake by a soft knock at the door. The apologetic face of one of the new shinigami poked through the door. "M-Mara-sama?" she asked tentatively.

Mara couldn't help but look at the girl in confusion. The squad never came up to her room. This didn't sound good. "What's wrong?"

Opening the door a little wider, the squad member stood but bowed her head respectfully. "There is a situation outside with a lieutenant and Captain Hisagi stated that if we were to notify you if issues arose while he was gone," she said softly.

"Why me?" Mara blinked as her confusion deepened, "I'm not even a shinigami."

"Um, well," the member stuttered, "the captain has no lieutenant so he said that he was putting you in charge as you ranked on your own as his betrothed…" The poor girl looked chagrined to pass on the message and Mara couldn't blame her. What was Shuuhei thinking? She wasn't equipped for this!

"Okay," Mara said expelling a sigh as she attempted to get her mind to stop racing from worst case scenarios, "Okay… what exactly is going on?"

"The lieutenant of the 6th Division is here and he, um, he refuses to leave," the girl squeaked out.

_Renji. Go fucking figure. _

Mara jumped out of the bed and threw on a silk robe over her juban and pants. At least she knew that she could handle Abarai Renji… hopefully. Not bothering even with shoes, Mara strode toward the door. "Alright," she told the girl with an encouraging smile while piling her hair into a messy bun atop her head, "Lead the way. I'll handle this."

With a relieved smile, the shinigami led Mara to where a group had formed around the front of the officer's quarters.

"You aren't supposed to be here!"

"We can handle threats to the ninth."

"You probably are a threat to the ninth!"

The angry growls of upset squad members surrounded Mara as she wormed her way through the crowd before stepping out into the center of the group.

Yup, there was Renji. Sitting on an overturned crate and casually eating a peach, no less, as he didn't even bother responding the ruckus around him.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Mara asked harshly.

"Is that any way to greet a friend, Ippin?" Renji asked with a lazy smile. A drip of juice clung to the edge of his full lips and Mara couldn't help but trace the curve of his mouth as he licked it off.

Noticing his smile grow, Mara turned an annoyed glare back up to his smiling eyes. "You are upsetting my squad, Renji. Why are you here?" she repeated, slightly less bristled.

Startled and wary gasps rung out around her as Renji rose to his full height, towering over her and most of the squad members around them. "I am protecting you," he said, taking another bite from his peach before fishing out a paper from inside his shihakusho. "I am guessing you either did not see, or did not receive, this," he drawled as he waved the paper in front of her face until she snatched if from his hand with a little scowl that made him grin.

"Attention 13 court guard squads, due to events today all must be on guard for and enforcing rules as pertaining to the ryoka, blah blah blah," Mara mumbled as she scanned the paper reading to herself, "The ryoka is to be immediately detained if found not wearing spiritual monitoring equipment, outside her squad without accompaniment, or _not under supervision of a ranked shinigami at all times_!" Mara reread the sentence twice before Renji pulled the paper from her hands. "We most certainly did not get this."

"That's what I figured," Renji replied, shoving the paper back in his uniform pocket. "I just got it about 10 minutes ago."

"Why would they send a captain's memo when they assigned Shuu to-," Mara cut herself off as realization dawned, "Those mother fuckers tried to set me up!"

"I am afraid they did," he replied softly, stopping himself from laying a comforting hand on Mara's shoulder at the dark looks of the surrounding shinigami. "They know Hisagi has never assigned a lieutenant. They know he is out on patrol. I came here as soon as we got the message so that you would still technically be under supervision."

At Mara's frustrated look, Renji raised his hands in submission. "I promise I will only be outside; you won't know I'm here. It's to keep you safe."

"I think the squad can keep me safe just fine," Mara said with an eyeroll. She tried to rein in her anger. It wasn't lost on her that Renji was actually helping her by being here and it wasn't his fault that the powers-that-be were being underhanded.

"I'm sure they can, normally," Renji replied in an appeasing tone, "but if I'm here they don't have to. And they would definitely have to."

"What do you mean?" Mara asked, weariness replacing her anger.

"They arrived not 10 seconds after I did," he said, nodding at the trees.

Mara could see the squad members around her looking at each other uncomfortably, some scanning the tree line in futility before shrugging at their comrades. "Who?" Mara sked, squinting up at Renji.

Holding up a finger for her to wait, Renji took a last huge bite of his peach, fisting the pit as he turned, still chewing, to look at the trees. Cocking back, he threw the pit like a fast ball between the branches where a loud yelp rang out. Swallowing loudly, Renji slanted a cocky grin down at his Ippin. "Them," he finally answered her, "Punishment force. No doubt courtesy of your dear friend, Captain Soi Fon."

"Abarai!" a loud voice rang out before Mara could process the information, "why are you taking out my soldiers with flying fruit?!"

"O-Omaeda?" Mara asked as she turned to see the large, rotund man bulldozing his way through the crowd to them, bag of some other wonderful smelling treat lifted above his head.

"What the fuck ya' doing here?" Renji barked at Omaeda before getting a sock in the arm from a tiny but powerful fist.

"My squad," Mara reminded him with a sharp look, "Pretty sure that's my line."

"Imouto-san!" Omaeda exclaimed with a broad smile, having made his way through to where she and Renji stood, "You have no need to worry now! I, Omaeda Marechiyo, Lieutenant of the 2nd squad, second tier leader of the stealth force-"

"Still making up titles, huh?" Renji grumbled, crossing his arms over his broad chest. Mara could feel her eyes being drawn to his large biceps, not dimmed by the sleeves of his shihakusho.

_Goddammit, Mara. STOP! _She chastised herself, forcing her eyes back to Omaeda's proud face.

"And Vice-commander of the punishment force," Omaeda continued, undeterred, "am here to protect you!"

"Tch," Renji snorted, "Then why is your force to arrest her hidden in the trees?"

Omaeda turned a surprisingly imperious glare on Renji. "My forces were sent by my captain," Omaeda sniffed, "_I_, however, am here in response to the memo that went out."

"How-" Mara began before Renji cut in.

"How do you think you can protect her? Do you not remember last time?" Renji reminded him with a nearly feral smile.

"You caught me off guard!" Omaeda said accusingly, pointing a meaty finger at the red-head, "It was unfair."

"All's fair in love and war," Renji replied easily as Mara let out a long-suffering sigh. Glancing down at the diminutive woman, Renji thew her a wink, "You have only yourself to blame for the idioms I know now."

"Look here, Omaeda is-"

"That's bull!" Omaeda declared, cutting Mara off again, "You are not supposed to attack friends, Abarai!"

"Are you still a friend? How the hell did you get your captain to let you out when you not being here could have meant Ippin would be arrested?" Renji spat out, voice raising.

"Captain Soi-Fon was otherwise engaged!" Omaeda raged back, "I received the memo." Pausing, Omaeda turned an overly-emotive curious expression to the bag in his hand as he rifled through it. "Oh no!" he wailed comically, before grinning softly at Mara, "I seem to have dropped it in my bag instead of on her desk after I offered to keep an eye and evaluate the diligence of the forces tonight."

Renji narrowed his eyes as Omaeda stared back with a seemingly open expression. "I guess I will have to relay the message to her in the morning when my shift is over," Omaeda finished up innocently.

Mara couldn't help the smile that spread on her lips as she saw a new side to Omaeda. "Thank you, Onii-chan," Mara smiled up at the big man, laying a comforting hand on his arm.

"Oh, sure, he gets a thank you," Renji grumbled.

Mara watched Renji's eyes shoot up to hers as she hesitantly laid a hand on his forearm as well. "I'm sorry, Renji," she said softly, lowering her eyes to study his tattoos as her fingers traced the strong lines delicately up from his wrist in a move so practiced it was unconscious, "Thank you for coming to protect me like you said you would. Maybe… anyways, thanks."

Mara started to withdraw her hand but Renji trapped it under his against his arm before she could. "Maybe what?" he asked gruffly, uncaring of Omaeda's astute gaze taking in the play between them.

"I appreciate you holding to your word," she told him, mastering her voice as she avoided his question, "but I do think it would better if Omaeda was here when Shuu and Grimm come back in the morning."

Renji's jaw tensed as he struggled to contain the anger that flared at the mention of the other men but he knew that she needed him not to. She needed him to do what he promised and try. He had to play the long game. Slowly, Renji released her hand and nodded. "I doubt you'll be able to pull this off again, though, will you?" he asked Omaeda.

"No, probably not," Omaeda admitted, his features serious again, "But for tonight, she will be safe. That I can promise."

Nodding stoically, Renji painted on a small smile before looking down at Mara. "I won't be far," he said before turning to make his way away through the crowds.

"He loves you, Imouto-san," Omaeda whispered down to Mara.

"I know," she responded softly, unable to tear her eyes away from the broad back and red hair that was disappearing into the distance.

"So do the others," he added, turning a slanting an inquisitive look down at the woman, who closed her eyes with a sigh.

Turning her attention to studying the ground, Mara could only sigh again. "They haven't said so…"

"Do they need to?" Omaeda questioned.

No, they didn't, Mara admitted to herself. Neither man needed to utter a word about it when their actions and attentions practically screamed it. The thought that scared her the most was that they would wake up one day and realize that she wasn't worth all of this. How far would these men, all three of them, go before they realized that she seemed to only be bringing chaos and heartbreak to them? Hell, for Renji it would the second time she had pur him through the wringer. She wasn't worth all this; just a broken girl with a brave face, a shadow of what she was.

"I'm tired, Omaeda," Mara finally responded, not faking the weariness that seemed to push bone deep in her, "It's been a long day."

"That it has," he replied, taking Renji's seat on the crate with an easy smile, as he began munching from his bag.

"Leave him be," Mara ordered the collected group, ignoring their grumbling, "New orders from the Captains Council. I am sure Captain Hisagi will brief you tomorrow."

Patting the large man on the shoulder, Mara made her way back up to the room and barely managed to change before collapsing into a fitful sleep as the stress of the day finally broke her.

.

.

At some point Mara remembered being sucked out of the fathomless void of her latest dream. It had been so cold and so dark. There was a presence there and it had just felt… tainted. Evil. She couldn't place it. She had fought against the walls that held her in the dank darkness until she had been surrounded in warmth and brought back to sweet dreamlessness.

Her answer of how she had been saved from the void came as she awoke with her cheek pressed to a smooth, warm chest and the scent of rain. "Shuu," she crooned as she stretched against him.

Mara realized how she was lewdly splayed over him at his answering growl; his large hand sliding down her thigh to keep her in place. "I love how you know it's me before you even look," he murmured sleepily, eyes still closed against the bare threads of morning light.

"Of course, I know it's you," she smiled against him, "Dark and stormy is my jam, remember?" At his answering groan Mara lifted her head to look around the room, realizing that the 'dark' part of her equation was missing. "Where's Grimmjow?"

"Tch, still out," was all Hisagi responded as he loosened his hold on her to throw his arm over his eyes.

Mara raised herself to lay her arms over his chest, laying her chin on the backs of her hands. "What's wrong?" she asked, taking in his small frown that sleep kept him from hiding.

"Mara," he grumbled shortly, "I'm tired."

"Uh-huh," she said doubtfully, unmoving.

Dropping his arm from his eyes, Hisagi turned to look down at where Mara had perched on his chest. His breath caught as he looked into those expressive eyes staring back at him, just as caught in their depths this time as he was the first. It only made his heart hurt more. For once, he had been the one to comfort her. Just him. He had been able to tune out the day before as she molded against him in sleep and waking. Now, however, the day was back with a vengeance.

"I spent half the night fighting hollows and the whole day fighting for you to choose someone other than me," He told her lowly, watching her expression cloud and hating the words even as he said them for dimming her glow, "At least I got to pull you out of your nightmares. I'm sorry I'm not enough for you in the morning."

Mara watched with a furrowed brow as Hisagi turned his gaze away from hers, unable to meet her eyes. For the second time in less than 24 hours, she couldn't help but be confused by what Hisagi may be thinking.

"Is that what you thought you were doing yesterday?" she asked him quietly, drawing his eyes back to her.

He studied her closely, taking in her concern and confusion as he wondered what he had missed. "A choice and time," he quoted back to her, "I'd say what I was fighting for was pretty clear cut."

"And I'll keep fighting for it, for you," he tried to clarify, seeing her mouth thin in displeasure at his answer, "But I don't have to be happy about it. For just a second this morning, I had what I wanted, and it was great, but I know it's not what you want or else you wouldn't have asked for him."

"What I want, Otto," she told him as a play of emotion washed over his face at the endearment, "Is me. I want to be treated like a real person not a prisoner, not livestock. I want a chance to get to know myself. That means I get choices, not just in husband but in my future. It means I get time to learn about myself without everything turning into an argument or ordeal. Do you really only want to marry half of me?"

She looked so earnest but Hisagi was having difficulty internalizing her words of the roar of his own doubt. Mara could see the fear at the edges of his mind. "That is what you were fighting for," she clarified, "and for the next person this shit happens to. Time actually helps you get all of me like you asked. The full, uncensored, unpressured version of me. I'm… broken as I am now."

He couldn't argue with what she was saying, Hisagi knew that. And he did want all of her. Everything she was currently was amazing, even in the pressure she had been under. "But what if the rest of you doesn't want me?" he asked in a whisper.

Scooting herself up his body, Mara pulled eye to eye with him. Her hand cupped his cheek and she planted a chaste kiss against his lips. "There is no way that could happen, Otto."

"How do you know that?" he asked as he wound a long curl of her hair around his finger.

Swallowing hard, Mara caught Hisagis's gaze. She seemed so oddly vulnerable as she, for once, was the first to drop her gaze from his. Hooking his finger underneath her chin, he made her look back at him. "How?" he asked, his soft tone not lessening the command in his voice.

"Because I love you, Shuu," she replied with a shrug.

Shock wasn't a strong enough word to describe this feeling. It was only a fraction of his feelings, but it rendered him speechless nonetheless. _Holy shit. HOLY SHIT._ Hisagi reeled in his mind. She… she loved him. Him? Trying in vain to form words, he could barely do more then move his mouth comically.

Mara watched as Hisagi froze in front of her, biting her lip at a nervousness she hadn't expected rose inside of her in the face of his silence. "Ok then," she whispered quickly, "I'm gonna go get breakfast."

Before Mara could even push up from his chest, Hisagi had spun her underneath him and crashed a kiss down on her lips. His hand fisted in her hair, tilting her head to open her up to him. Mara's eyes, which had been open in shock, fluttered closed as she savored the feeling of Hisagi moving against her. His insistent mouth left her gasping as surely as the press of his hips between her legs did.

Sliding her hands up the taught muscles of his arms, Mara let her hands drift lazily into his spiky hair as she gasped against him.

"Sorry," Hisagi said breathlessly against her lips, a grin spreading across his face, "you caught me off guard. I love you too, Koi." As he smiled down at her beneath him though, he realized that even with this admission that she had still asked after his combat instructor- his friend. "You love him too, don't you?"

Scared to break the moment, all Mara could do was blink in affirmation as she nibbled her lower lip.

Hisagi dropped his head to her shoulder with a groan before slowly kissing and nibbling up the column of her neck until he was rewarded with more gasps and mewls. "We should probably talk about this whole situation, huh?" he whispered, fanning his breath across the shell of her ear before lightly biting the lobe.

"Probably," Mara acquiesced around a high moan building in her as he slid his hand under her camisole, pausing on her ribs.

"When?" he asked thickly before covering her mouth in another souls searing kiss. He swept his tongue against hers before pulling away to drop a sweet little kiss on her now swollen lips and caress her soft cheek with the backs of his fingers.

Mara's eyes were glazed as she looked up at Hisagi and realized that she was wrong. He wasn't the rain that cooled her heat to bearable. He was the flash flood you drowned in; and she would happily die in its flow. It made her all the more worried about this 'talk' he was leading her toward. "After breakfast?" she keened, nervousness still edging her tone.

Hisagi flopped on top of her with a comical groan. "What is it with you and wanting to get out of bed?" he whined, causing Mara to giggle and squirm underneath him.

"It's a new day," she said with a laugh, "and it was a crazy night. Onto something better now."

"Does that crazy night thing have something to do with why Omaeda was passed out in front of the door to the building?" Hisagi asked as he let out another groan before summarily flopping on his back to let Mara get up.

"Yeah…" Mara drew out the word ominously as she threw on pants and her robe, "it was this close to being Renji out there though, so there's that."

"What?!" Hisagi's eyes flew open as he finally sat up.

"Like I said, crazy night," Mara drawled. Walking over to the bed, Mara cupped Hisagi's jaw and kissed him lightly again. "Race you to the dining hall," she teased before taking off out the door.


	40. Chapter 39: Bridging the Gaps

Hello lovely readers! So happy to see some more story follows and faves, it is really encouraging. I seem to be over my slump a bit and am happy to bring you chapter 39 in a decent amount of time. Enjoy and know that I am working on story-boarding my next few.

Sond for the chapter (just general feeling, no specific reading point) is Hosier- Take me to church

**Chapter 39**

"Good morning, Squad 9!" Mara called out jovially as she hurried into the dining room well ahead of Hisagi. _Gotta love head starts,_ she chuckled to herself as she walked toward the coffee pot against the wall only to pause in her stride.

Something was off. The normal greeting of 'Good morning, Mara-sama' was barely smattered through the crowd back at her; the rest was replaced by low grumbles and whispers. Pouring her cup of coffee, Mara turned to face the room with a critical eye as she leaned against the counter.

"I'm going to try that again," she said as she took a sip, "Good morning, squad 9?"

The faithful few still rang out, but the grumbling and whispers only grew. Raising her cup another sip to fortify her, Mara surveyed the angry scowls permeating the group. "Okay, you all are clearly upset," she said, "Why? Is this because the Squad 2 lieutenant was out here last night?"

Amongst the side-eyes and whispers Mara could make out a grumbled voice. "Surprised he didn't spend the night in your bed, too."

"Excuse me?" Mara asked incredulously, arching a brow in the direction of the comment- only to be met with silence. "If you can say it under your breath you damn best be able to say it to someone's face, so c'mon!" she admonished, anger building.

_Teachable moment, teachable moment, _Mara repeated to herself tamping down her ire. Hisagi had left her in charge last night and she needed to keep her cool like a leader this morning.

At long last, a beefy shinigami rose with a scowl. Mara recognized him as one of the newer ones that Grimmjow had tossed around on the green quite a few times for his attitude. Judging by the collective murmurs, he wasn't the only one who had some strong feelings at the moment, he was just the only one brave (or stupid) enough to say them. "You betrayed Captain Hisagi!" he bellowed in accusation.

Making no response, Mara just sipped her coffee and waited as she scrambled in her mind. Fuck! She hadn't even thought about fallout with the squad.

Caught off guard by her silence, the shinigami moved to go sit down before Mara halted his movements with a question. "Why did you become a shinigami?"

The man's surprise at the question didn't dim his anger. "For reasons of honor that you would not understand," he answered sharply.

Mara shrugged as she sipped her coffee again, thinking. "To protect the people of Soul Society?" she asked, "To make sure the law is upheld, and peace prevails?"

"Yes," the man growled; eyes narrowed.

"Ensuring fairness and equality?" she pressed.

"Yes."

"Protecting the vulnerable?"

"Yes!" he barked back at her.

Taking her time to drag out the last gulp of her coffee, Mara slowly poured another cup. "I would like you to help me with an example," she told him over her shoulder.

"How could I give an example to someone like you?" he spat.

"Humor me," Mara ordered, eyes narrowing, "Go stand over with them, please." Mara raised her hand to point to a table across the room of women who had all still greeted her nicely.

"No," the man snarled as he crossed his arms across his chest.

"Do what she says. Now," a frosty voice ordered from the door frame. Hisagi didn't spare his subordinate a glance, instead cocking a brow at Mara who bit her lip nervously and walked over to him.

"But Captain!-" the man protested, earning a glare that cut like flint.

"Do it or you get private lessons with Jaegerjaquez for the day," Hisagi threatened.

"But-" the man squeaked even as the blood drained from his face.

"Are you trying to make it a week?" Hisagi asked, causing the man to scamper over to the other table.

Finally, Hisagi bent to whisper in Mara's ear, "What are you doing, Koi?"

"Hopefully, proving a point?" she whispered up at him with a guilty smile, "You helped even though you didn't know what I was doing?"

"Duh," Hisagi drawled with a grin before hitting her lightly on the butt to scamper off, earning more than a few confused looks.

"Ok, you have been sent to this table," Mara began addressing the man, "but you didn't ask to join them, so they don't like or trust you."

"It's not my choice to be here," the man grumbled.

"Exactly," Mara said with a smile, "But you're here now and you can't leave. So, they decide that since you came there in a weird way you have to be watched and controlled." Mara tapped one of the women on the shoulder and motioned her to her feet, bringing her to stand next to the man.

"Now this beautiful woman- What's your name?" Mara asked.

"Aoki Akiko, Mara-sama," the woman answered softly.

"Thank you! Akiko here is really, really nice and tries to tell the others that they are over-reacting," Mara explained.

"Which they are," the man muttered.

"They really are," Mara agreed conspiratorily, "but they don't care. As a matter of fact, they tell their comrade that she has to put her money where her mouth is if she thinks you are so worth protecting."

"What does that mean?" Akiko asked.

"You have to prove it," Mara elaborated.

"How's she supposed to do that?" The man asked shortly.

One of the girls began laughing, having caught onto what Mara was doing and Mara was surprised to recognize the seemingly quiet girl who came to get her the night before. "Congratulations, Nomura-chan!" she sing-songed.

"I knew I liked you," Mara said earnestly, "Name?"

"Kinoshita Mei, Mara-sama," Sara replied with a smile.

"Congratulations for what?" Nomura ground out as Akiko blushed.

"Oh, no big deal," Mara said lightly, "You're just engaged now. It's the only way that Mei over there won't order you captured or killed."

"That's stupid," Nomura spat, "I don't even know her. She doesn't know me."

"You'll get there," Mara assured him with a slap on the back, "After all, you also can't go anywhere without her, or at least some supervision, no one else will talk to you… except her." At that Mara motioned for another girl to rise and join them.

"Imai Riku," the woman said with a bow before Mara could even ask, taking her spot at Nomura's other side.

"God, I love this group," Mara sighed. "Ok, Nomura, this is the only other person who will talk to you. Another beautiful woman who just happens to be Akiko's best friend. She helps out by keeping an eye on you when her friend is busy and such like that."

"She becomes a really good friend to you because it turns out she wasn't welcome either. You bond on a level of understanding that no one else could have. Meanwhile, Akiko is your hero. She fights for you, teaches you how to navigate the group, you respect her more than anyone you know," Mara elaborates, "So now you have a choice of who, and what, you want to be with. Akiko's sweet steadfastness or Riku's familiarity. Who are you going choose?"

As soon as Nemura opened his mouth to either protest or answer, Mara cut him off. "Oh wait!" she exclaimed, "Mei?"

"Just kidding," Mei said with a saccharine smile, "You get no choices."

Grinding his teeth, Nomura began to turn red as he caught on. "That's fine," he tried to rebut, "I will prove I have honor by sticking by Akiko."

"Mei?"

"Still no?"

"Exactly right, Judge Mei, you are brilliant. No!" Mara cheered, "Bad news for you, Nomura, you are now being traded to another table and you have to marry one of them."

"What?!" he exclaimed, "That's not fair!"

"No, it's not," Mara agreed sadly, "but Akiko is losing fighting for you alone."

"They both have to fight then?" Nomura asked quietly, realization starting to hit him.

"Which means he will spend more time, and subsequently fall in love, with each of us as we relate to different parts of him," Riku summed up.

"As wise your name implies, Riku," Mara agreed before turning to Nomura.

"Is this the type of injustice you joined the court guard squads to stop?" Mara asked him, earning a silent nod.

"You see, things happen and feelings follow and sometimes it is completely out of your control," Mara told him, even though her eyes locked Hisagi's where he watched her raptly, "Your love for one is no less because of your love for another when they fill different parts of you. Nor is one not enough for you. It's simply that you may just need both now that you've known it."

Hisagi nodded in understanding but still some grumbles were not silenced. Rising from the wall, Hisagi turned stormy eyes on the hold-outs. "Nor is it betrayal, when it's agreed to," he growled out like thunder across the room. "What do you call me, Koi?"

"Otto," Mara answered without skipping a beat.

"And that is all any of you need to consider," Hisagi ordered them before laying his arm over Mara's shoulders and leading her from the room.

"What's all we need to consider, Cap?" Grimmjow drawled from the doorframe, hair still dripping from the baths as he sauntered into the mess hall.

Lifting his arm, Hisagi gently pushed Mara toward Grimmjow so she could greet him. _Might as well get the squad used to it while they are still reeling._ "That you and I have an agreement where she is concerned," he said as Grimmjow stooped to wrap his arms around Mara and twirl her in a circle, "that they don't need to overthink."

Grimmjow looked at Hisagi with brows raised in question. At his affirming nod, Grimmjow smiled broadly, pulling Mara close and pressing a quick kiss to her lips. "Thank fuck," he said as he passed her back to Hisagi, "looks like I'll be in a good mood for my classes, you lucky bastards!"

"Aren't you tired?" Mara asked skeptically.

"Are you kidding, Yume?" Grimmjow cackled back, "I've been slaughtering things all night. It's a much better pick-me-up than that slop you drink."

"Even more good news for you," Hisagi said with a sly smile, "Nomura's your bitch for the day for disrespecting Mara."

With no more fanfare, Hisagi led Mara away from the room to the sound of Grimmjow's maniacal laugh. "Fresh meat!" Grimmjow called out in bone-shaking glee.

.

.

"So, was that your version of the discussion we needed to have?" Hisagi asked Mara as he led her into the weapons dojo.

"That depends," Mara turned the question back with pursed lips, "Did it cover what you wanted to know?"

"Mostly," Hisagi said, drawing out the word into an open-ended question.

Mara heaved out a small sigh. "Then I guess it was only most of the conversation," she said distractedly, running her fingers over the racks of sticks.

Hisagi watched her move around the room, looking at the various training weapons. She looked sad and nervous and he couldn't figure out why. He was hers, no matter what she said, didn't she know that? Did she even know that she was worth it?

_Ha! You're one to talk, _Hisagi mentally scolded himself, _you aren't worth any of what she is giving you, but you revel in it all the same._

Seeing Mara double back to the escrima sticks, Hisagi decided to take a page out of Grimmjow's book. Fighting seemed to loosen her tongue and her emotions. It took away the pressure, or at least exhausted her until she didn't care anymore. He had intended on walking her through the weapons and starting on basics, but maybe diving in where she was interested would be the better approach to distract her mind.

"Do you know what those are?" Hisagi asked her lightly, earning a confused look at the abrupt subject change.

"Doce Pares sticks," she replied, brow still furrowed.

"Do you know how to use them?" Hisagi pressed.

"I feel like I should," Mara murmured.

Hisagi strode to the rack, reaching over her to grab a pair of the sticks. "Well, grab them. Let's see if we can't find out what you know," he quipped, striding to stand in the middle of the room.

"I know these as escrima sticks," Hisagi explained as Mara joined him on the mat. "They are a weapon not native to Japan but they are exceedingly useful for both two-handed combat, especially if you are small and lack reach, and also for training your movements to prepare for kendo which begins sword fighting."

As Mara listened, she mimicked Hisagi's stance with the sticks under her arms. Something about this felt right. The smell of tatami and dust grounded her. Hisagi's voice washed over her as he explained the beginning strikes that made up the basis for fighting with the sticks. Obediently, Mara assumed a wide stance as Hisagi did and moved the sticks together to her shoulder.

"Alright, first is shoulder down diagonally then back up to your other shoulder," Hisagi instructed, showing her the downward slash himself for her to repeat. "Two, follow number one with the other stick." He again instructed, going first to show.

With precision, Hisagi took Mara through all the strikes. "All right, let's do it again!" he cheered her on as they made it through the third round together, "but this time it's on your own and I'll correct you if there's issues."

"This is actually pretty easy, Otto," Mara said with a playful smile, even as she twirled the sticks in her hand, loosening her wrists before assuming the fighting stance again.

"I have a feeling that's because you've done this before," Hisagi murmured, dropping a kiss on her head before stepping back to circle her. _Actually, I already know she has done this before,_ he noted as he saw how she had corrected her grip to choke up on the stick instinctually.

"Alright, let's go! One!"

Mara executed the strike perfectly, resting the stick lightly on her shoulder.

"Two!"

Another strike in flawless form, delivered before he had even finished the word.

"Three."

Strike back across. She moved her feet to follow the strike as her face turned into a mask of concentration.

"Four."

Other hand followed the first strike as Mara's eyes alit with amber and the gentle waves of her rietsu lapped at his ankles.

**"Five…Six…Seven," a lightly accented voice counted out. **

**"Don't get ahead of my count just because you can, Mara!" Alejandro lectured, "It is about perfection of form too, not just speed and strength. The less strength you have, the more form you need!"**

**"Yes, sir," Mara grumbled, slowing her strikes to his count.**

**"Advanced strikes!" Alejandro called out, watching Mara assume a full fighting stance, sticks on either shoulder, "One!"**

Hisagi watched with wide eyes as Mara ran through the strikes he had just taught her quickly and flawlessly, little streams of oceanic rietsu trailing behind her wrists like ribbons. She then assumed a fighting stance, sticks raised on each side of her.

_Looks like she's ready for more, _Hisagi mused as she stood still, waiting. _Play along with the vision, _he coached himself.

"One!" he called out, surprised to see Mara step forward to deliver a full speed head strike, spinning her stick to absorb the momentum and landing it gracefully under her other arm, assuming a new fighting position.

"Two."

**"Two!" Alejandro called, eyeing Mara critically as she completed the second strike, "You are supposed to step forward more."**

"Step forward more on the second strike," Hisagi instructed as if Mara was listening to him, tapping the back of her ankle with his own stick.

Suddenly Mara's eyes locked onto his face, losing only a touch of their amber glow as she came to reality.

"Can you feel that your rietsu is still raised?" Hisagi whispered, scared to break her completely from the memory's hold.

Mara shook her head wordlessly, still seeming to be at the edge of her stupor.

"Can you keep going?" he asked, still softly, not breaking eye contact. Instead of waiting for a response, Hisagi stepped back. "Three."

**"Three." **

Alejandro's voice echoed through her head at the same time as Hisagi's. Mara could feel the movement flow through her, and she remembered what she was doing as she did it. She could cry in relief as she felt herself controlling the movement and calling on the memory at the same time.

Breaking out in a huge smile, she focused on Hisagi and nodded for him to continue.

"Four," he said with a grin of pride. They were doing it!

**"Four."**

Success! As they proceeded to work through the remaining advanced strikes, Mara could feel herself practically floating. Hisagi couldn't believe his eyes. He wasn't just riding out the memory. They had found a way to integrate it. This was fantastic! He wanted to push it further though, he realized as he finished the counts.

"One on one forms?" he asked, taking his place in front of Mara.

"Yes!" She gasped out eagerly, adjusting her stance.

**"Form One!" **

Alejandro's voice rang in her head as she and Hisagi began exchanging light blows at head level.

"Form Two," Hisagi ordered, switching them seamlessly to mixing in low strikes. Head, knee, head. Switch arms. Head, knee, head, switch. Head, knee, head, switch.

Slowly, Hisagi upped the tempo, watching Mara as she hit her stride, mixing in clockwise steps for more movement. But he knew, from seeing the fleeting power before that they needed to learn how to harness this, not just find it. Time to put a wrench in the rhythm.

"So…" He drew out slowly as her eyes flicked to his in curiosity, "About you loving Grimmjow, too…"

Like the vacuum of space, Mara's rietsu retreated in a flash, seeming to suck all the air in the room out with it as one of her sticks clattered to the floor. "Fuckin'- seriously?" Mara screeched, "Now?"

"There's a reason I bring it up now," Hisagi pled, hands in front of him as if to hold back the anger he could see building.

"You ever heard of being in the doghouse, Shuu?" Mara snapped back with a glare.

"Yes," he replied patiently, "But first, how do you feel?"

"Powerless and pissed," she grumbled, arms across her chest.

"So, you can't feel the power you were channeling at all? Not even when you do it?" he pressed.

"No," Mara bit out as she bent to get her other stick.

"Form one!" Barked Hisagi, just as Mara stood, causing her to scramble into position to block the strike with one of her own.

"What the hell, Shuu?" She practically yelled before realizing that she was keeping up with him.

"Form Two."

Mara forced herself to move at the pace of his rapid strikes, forced herself to remember the feeling and the sound of Alejandro's voice as he issued orders. Gradually the moves flowed more easily.

Gradually, as Hisagi watched, the amber spark began to reignite in her eyes. "That's it, Mara," he encouraged her, "You've got this."

"I'd have it more if you slowed down," she panted, pushing herself into the moves she knew in the back of her mind should be there.

"No," Hisagi admonished, "You can keep up, you have the power in you. You brought it back all on your own just now."

"I did?" Mara asked him, risking her rhythm to glance at his shining eyes. Shining with pride, she realized. Pride in her.

"You did," Hisagi grinned, "try to feel. Notice the difference between how it felt when I cut you off and when we started back to now. What do you feel?"

"I-I don't-" Mara cut off as a sheen of amber flooded her vision, increasing her rietsu ten fold for a brief moment.

**"Feel ****the power behind the light. That electrical buzz, the adrenaline in your system, the warmth on your skin… do you feel it?" A woman's sweet voice echoed from so far away.**

_What the- have to examine that later, _Mara reasoned to herself as her rietsu evened back out. "The moves feel smoother," She finally answered, "I feel lighter. Tingly."

"That's a start," Hisagi kept pushing her, "see if you can maintain it. Feel it and keep it even."

"Am I not doing that now?" Mara quipped, risking a smile.

"Heh," Hisagi chuckled before looking her in the eye, "I want all of you, Koi."

Furrowing her brow in concentration, Mara focused on the feelings running through her tingling limbs. Her heart was racing and her chest felt tight and she honed in on that feeling as she answered him back simply. "I am giving you all I can, Shuu," she practically pled with him.

"Then how does Grimmjow fit in?" he pressed her, keeping as close a watch on her rietsu level as she was.

"He-" she gasped out, keeping a tenuous hold on the feelings of her power in her, "he fills different parts."

Amazed she that she was still going, Hisagi pushed harder. "What if I want those parts that he fills, too?"

"What if- what if he-," Mara bit her lip as she cut herself off, the turmoil in her mind beginning to fray the thread of rietsu still weaving through her.

"Focus, Mara," Hisagi commanded, "Say it."

Gritting her teeth, Mara grasped for the threads of power lingering in her as she fought herself for the words she was scared to say and the question she was scared to ask. "What if he's so entrenched in those parts of me," she began quietly, "that to have all of me, he has to be there, too?"

For a moment, Hisagi couldn't respond. That was loaded, and she knew it too judging by how she was barely keeping it together. Slowing the tempo just enough to draw her eyes back to him, Hisagi nodded encouragingly at the clear conquering of fear it took for her to put what she needed into words. "Sharing with him is a small price to pay to have all of you, Koi."

Mara's relief and happiness were literally palpable. Her rietsu exploded around the room like fireworks, shaking the frames of the building.

"Rein it in, Koi! Focus!" Hisagi coached over the roar of her power sweeping through the room like waves in a storm. At her vigorous nodding, Hisagi decided to push his luck further with her memory. "Hubud!"

Like a whipcrack, the order scalded across Mara's mind, dredging up the long-forgotten term, again to the sound of Alejandro's lilting accent. Smoothly she changed forms. Block, parry, trap, strike. Block, parry, trap, strike. She could feel that her rietsu had risen as the tingling turned to a rush, like silk being pulled from her skin as the power drifted out.

Hisagi smiled down at Mara as her face lit up in success. Time to test it again. "Why was Omaeda here last night?"

Without wavering in the slightest, Mara told Hisagi about the captain's memo that had come in the night. There was only a slight waver when she was caught off guard by Hisagi's slew of curses.

"Why was it almost Renji out there?" He asked her.

"He was the first one to come to make sure I was supervised," Mara growled before breathing deep to calm her ire at the injustice. "He was fulfilling the promise he made me outside the meeting."

"You know he still loves you, right?" Hisagi asked rhetorically, "He's going to do anything and everything to win you over."

Like glass under pressure, Mara's rietsu shattered around her and she fell to her knees.

"Should I be worried that THAT was the question that broke you?" Hisagi asked lightly despite the worry that threatened to constrict around his heart. He dropped to sitting next to Mara and held out his hand to her.

Batting away his hand, Mara instead flopped down on the mats, laying her head in Hisagi's lap. "I think we can chock that one up to harnessing all of that power for so long," Mara said smoothly, trying to ease the line that was forming between Hisagi's brows.

"You didn't answer the question," he reminded her lightly as he ran his fingers through the long hair splayed on his lap.

"My hands are full enough with two, Otto," Mara answered him with a giggle, even if, for just a split second, she had a vision of being tickled in the face by long red hair as she lay like this.

Blinking rapidly, Mara pulled herself out of the memory before it could form, grounding herself in the feel of Hisagi's hand stroking her hair.

"You did well, Koi," he told her with a smile, tracing her full bottom lip.

"As did you," she assured him back, "especially if that wasn't a weapon you were trained on. I mean I know as a captain you probably have to know all of them but…"

"I know this one better than most," Hisagi admitted with a grin.

"How?" she asked, curiosity piqued.

"You know how we went over zanpakuto's and their forms back when you were learning to read?" he asked her, switching back to twirling a strand of her hair so as not to be distracted by her mouth and the wicked things he imagined it could do.

"Yeah, of course," Mara answered back breezily, "Each of them has their own name and personality that reflect their owner. They also have various powers that can be unlocked at the releases which are…?"

"Shikai and Bankai," Hisagi supplied at her quizzical look.

"Those!" Mara said, thumping herself on the head with the heel of her hand, "Duh, Mara."

Hisagi caught her wrist with a smile, pulling it from her head. "Don't do that," he admonished even if his look was playful. "My shikai is similar to the escrima sticks in a way. It gave me a leg up."

Mara's eye shot open, curiosity getting the better of her, as she sat up quickly. "Can I see it!?"

"No."

Mara's lips twisted into a little pout that pulled on Hisagi's heart, regardless that it was for show. "Why not?" she asked quietly.

"I am all about life and justice and preserving it and my sword… It doesn't seem to be for the same thing," Hisagi admitted with a shrug, "Even though I have met Kazeshini face to face, we still seem to be on opposite sides."

"But I thought zanpakutos were a reflection of their owner's soul?" Mara mused, a bit confused.

"That's the scary part," Hisagi affirmed, "What does that mean about me?"

Mara chewed her lower lip in thought, an expression he was becoming very familiar with. "Coins have two sides too, Shuu, they wouldn't be valuable without them both," she said thoughtfully, "Plus, I want all of you, too."

Well, how was he supposed to argue with that. Not the coin thing- even if it made sense, he wasn't having it. Thinking of that side as just a part of him would mean embracing it. Kazeshini was wily and determined. If he embraced that he would probably wind up like fucking Kenpachi. But opening up to her… Mara had been brave today, speaking up so many times for herself, for him, to him. He was asking for everything and she deserved it right back. She was putting everything on the line when she showed and told him what she thought he didn't want to hear but she did it anyways.

Maybe she could handle the dark part of him. Maybe she could even love that part of him too.

Rising silently to his feet, Hisagi pulled his sword from its sheath. Holding it in front of him, Hisagi met Mara's expectant look with a worried one of his own. "Kare, Kazeshini."

Mara watched as Hisagi separated his hands amidst a swirl of wind and light to reveal two large windmill-esque scythes with long straight handles and joined by a chain. Mara approached him in awe and ran a finger in the middle of one of the blades where black and silver met, carefully avoiding the razor-sharp edges. "I know this blade," Mara mumbled, remembering the spinning weapons that had cleared away the petals of Senbonzakura.

"I avoid using it if at all possible," Hisagi said with a shrug, "It just… It looks as if it was meant to reap life itself. Where is the justice in unmitigated death?"

"I would say it is right next to 'whatever it takes to save innocent lives'," Mara told him seriously, "I know two lives it is directly responsible for saving."

"How do you see my greatest flaw as a benefit?" Hisagi asked her incredulously.

"You and I share a distinctly similar trait, Otto," she said lowly as she dragged her hand across her chest where he knew her scars lay. "We both have parts we believe are unlovable. I wonder if we will learn to accept that maybe they are."

Looking at Mara with shining eyes, Hisagi couldn't help his smile. "I think so, but I need to put this away," he said, spinning one of Kazeshini's blades to make the chain rattle, "or else-"

"I fucking feel it! Yes!" yelled a blur of white and teal as Grimmjow shot into the room.

Mara spun with wide eyes at Grimmjow as he slid to a stop in the room, sword loosed at his side. "What the-! He was just showing me his sword!"

"Dammit!" Grimmjow roared before his bright grin slid back on his face. Snapping his fingers, a breathless Nomura seemed to appear. Pointing at the ground, Nomura got on all fours and Grimmjow promptly sat down on his back to recline against the racks. "Is that what the kids are calling it these days?" he laughed out, seemingly nonplussed by his choice of chair.

"Jaegerjaquez, what are you doing?" Hisagi asked with a sigh, running his hand over his face.

"What?" asked Grimmjow, innocence painting his features, "You said he was my bench for the day."

Stomping over to him, Mara yanked against Grimmjow until she pulled him off of Nomura's back. Turning her momentum against her, he tumbled them both to the floor amidst her giggles. Hopping up, Mara sat cross-legged square on his chest.

"How does it feel when someone does it to you?"

"Rather it be my face…" Grimmjow purred out, earning him a hard whack on the chest.

"Go on, Nomura," she said to the poor shinigami who was watching the scene like his eyes were going to fall out of his head, "I think you have had more than enough 'training' for today."

"Th-thank you, Mara-sama," Nomura stuttered as he scrambled out of the room.

"Buzzkill," Grimmjow growled from underneath Mara, earning another whack on the shoulder.

"There's more fun to be had," she said patiently, turning a pointed look at both men in turn, "You guys need to pick a lieutenant ASAP. I suggest Mei."


	41. Chapter 40: Pretty Poisons

So new chapter is up but I wanted to give a heads up that this one is **Rated M **due to some shmexy stuffs mid chapter. If you don't like it, I suggest stopping at the cave and picking back up in the second portion of the chapter. Otherwise, enjoy.

I am not changing my story rating yet because I still have quite a lot of story building to do, but if it becomes a more common occurrence, then I will.

First half of the story (starting at the cave) sound track is: James Blake- Are you even real

**Chapter 40**

"Hut hut, hut hut!"

_Oh my god, make it stop!_ Flinging her arm over her eyes, Mara groaned to herself. This was her field. This was her calm place to be alone. To think. To relax.

"Hut hut, hut hut!"

Peeling her arm away from her face, she raised her head from the grass under the tree where she was laying. "Do you have to do that?" she asked icily.

Not breaking his stride from his in-place high step, the new lieutenant of squad 9 looked at the girl disparagingly. "Physical fitness is good for both body and soul!" he scolded in a loud bark, "Now that I, Watanabe Sora, am lieutenant, it is even more important that I stay in peak shape and be the best!"

Mara's frown dipped even further. "Yeah, Hut-hut, I got that three days ago. I'm asking if the sound effects are necessary," she elaborated dourly.

Finally relenting from his high stepping, Watanabe turned an equally dour look back on his charge. "Breathing techniques. It is a vocal breathing technique!" he screeched, the grating pitch at odds with his broad frame and meaty fists on his hips, "Breathing properly is necessary to unlock the power in the exercise and within one's self!"

"It's annoying," Mara deadpanned back at him, "I told you I was coming out here for _quiet_."

"Maybe you should think about exercising, Mara-sama," he said slyly, drawing out her name into a sneer, "You are looking winded just from holding your head up this long. I'd hate to see what it looks like-."

"Enough," Mara said lowly, eyes narrowed into slits, "Right, Grimmjow?"

The espada seemed to appear out of nowhere as he sonido'd in to stand next to her prone form. "Uh, yes?" Grimmjow said with a confused look between the two, causing Lieutenant Watanabe to march purposefully a few steps away and begin a series of rapid push-ups.

Dropping her head back to the ground, Mara covered her eyes with her arm again and sighed in resignation as the 'vocal breathing technique' carried on the breeze to her. _Fucking Hut-hut._

"You're getting good at sensing the rietsus around you," Grimmjow commented lightly as he plopped himself gracefully on the grass beside her, "You picked me up approaching quick with as fast as I was moving."

"You taught me well," Mara grumbled, unmoving.

Lifting her arm by the wrist, Grimmjow couldn't help but crack a smile at her irritated face. "What crawled up your ass today, Yume?" he teased, loving the heat in her dark eyes as they snapped to his.

"That," Mara said, pointing at the lieutenant who had now moved on to hut-hutting and Bruce Lee-esque noises as he air-boxed. "Why the hell did Shuu promote Hut-hut the Horrible!?"

"You know how he will feel about that nickname," Grimmjow chided before breaking out in a chilling grin, "It's epic."

"I can always go back to calling him 'Not-Mei' again," Mara wickedly smiled back, "He loooved that one."

Grimmjow barked out a laugh as he reclined against the tree, running his fingers absentmindedly through Mara's hair. "You do know we couldn't make Mei lieutenant, right?" he asked her seriously, "She's ranked damn near last and has been in the squad a month. I honestly think Hisagi picked her because she was the only person not cheering when you guys hauled me out that day. She can't protect you."

"I know," Mara grumbled, "but he sucks."

"Give Mei time. She'll excel fast with Imai as her mentor," he told her distractedly before letting out a frustrated roar. "Chingar! That's annoying!"

Mara looked at Grimmjow in shock. "You know Spanish?"

"I can cuss a bitch out in several languages, thank you," Grimmjow said proudly before returning Mara's shocked look, "_You _know Spanish?!"

Mara couldn't help her loud laughter. "I guess I know _that_ word," she cackled out, before scooting her head closer to rest against Grimmjow's thigh. "It fits this situation though."

"Yup," Grimmjow agreed as he rose quickly to his feet much to Mara's annoyance. He pulled Mara straight up to her feet, gifting her a rare sweet smile as he picked a piece of grass from her hair and swept her up into his arms like a bride. "Let's blow this joint, doll."

"Jargerjaquez!"

The screech hit the air like shattering glass and Mara buried her face in Grimmjow's chest to hide her wince. Fucking Hut-hut.

"I am the lieutenant of Squad 9 now and it is my duty to keep watch over the ryoka at all times that Captain Hisagi is not watching her!" he yelled, spraying spittle that Grimmjow deftly sidestepped, "You cannot just run off with her!"

Mara raised her eyes in a glare, but Grimmjow's deep growl stayed her tongue and she splayed her hand over his heart to calm him instead.

"The what?" he hissed through his fangs.

"The- um- Mara… Mara-sama," Watanabe stuttered, "I am to watch over Mara-sama at all times."

Painting on his trademark smile, Grimmjow stared down the lieutenant until the man broke under his gaze. "That's perfect, Hut-hut! You can come too and stay the fuck outside," Grimmjow said jovially before sonido-ing into the forest with Mara in tow.

"Where are we going?" Mara shouted over the wind of the run, only to get an enigmatic smile in return.

In what felt like seconds, Grimmjow had stopped in a clearing next to what appeared to be the boarded over entrance to a cave. "Here!" he said happily as he set her to her feet.

Mara raised her eyebrows in confusion as she looked around the clearing then back at the sealed cave. "There?" she pointed incredulously.

"Don't get all princess-y on me now, Yume," he teased her, "Just gotta wait on your babysitter."

No sooner than he spoke, a red-faced and winded Hut-hut broke through the tree line to the sound of breaking branches. He braced his hands on his knees as he panted and scowled at the espada. Raising his finger in an accusing point at the pair, the lieutenant gasped a strangled sound- unable to yell at them as he clearly desired.

"And he _can_ protect me?" Mara asked doubtfully, earning another jagged smile.

"Good talk, Wannabe- I mean Watanabe," Grimmjow called out as he lifted away the apparently faux boarding above what Mara could now see was a cut mine shaft that sloped down into the dark. "Stay here," he ordered the lieutenant. Grabbing Mara's hand, he led her into the mine.

"What is this place?" Mara whispere,; eyes wide in the fading light as she tried to keep her footing.

"A place that you don't have to whisper in, you weirdo," Grimmjow teased, voice echoing down the tunnel and back. Feeling her clutch tighter to his arm as she stumbled over the rough ground, he pulled a lighter from his pocket and held it up to light their way. "Normally I would just light the way with a cero but…" he trailed of as he shook his free hand so that the metal of the cuff glinted in the light.

Mara gave him an empathetic smile before her eyes were drawn back to their surroundings. The soft halo of light from the lighter reflected bits of glistening shards in the rock walls. Leaning closer, she could see thin veins of white winding between the gray that glowed dully, seeming to almost swallow the light where it touched.

"So, what is this place?" Mara asked again, dragging a finger down one of the white seams.

"It used to be a mine for sekkiseki stone a long time ago; before they established the quarry on the other side of Seireitei, I imagine," Grimmjow answered as he slowed his steps, letting her meander and fulfill her curiosity, "But this is also where I come to be alone."

"Why does it not surprise me that you like to relax in the dark," she mused out loud as she glanced at him to see his eyes were nearly luminescent in the low light.

"Where I'm from, it's always dark," he answered lowly, a rare seriousness in his voice, "I wasn't made for the light like you."

Mara didn't answer but, instead, took his hand as they kept walking down. She wasn't always sure that she was made for the light. There was something right about the dark. There was peace in the dark hours of the morning before anyone stirred. There were also nightmares that stayed in her mind and her heart and made her wonder if she grew to love the dark because it knew her, and she knew it.

A more insidious dark felt like it lived here in Seireitei, though, and it disguised itself as light. One that made her run into the actual dark to escape it. Mara couldn't help but frown to herself at the thought, catching Grimmjow's observant gaze.

"They can't find you either if you go deep enough."

"What?" Mara asked, startled from her thoughts.

Pointing toward the ceiling, Grimmjow referenced the dwellers above. "The sekkiseki seals spiritual pressures," he explained, "We won't go too deep today or that monitor on you will freak out, but no one can feel you out if you go deep enough."

Entering a large space, Mara waited while Grimmjow lit a torch on a wall revealing a small cavern that appeared to be more natural. While the rock walls were cut on two sides, the others were a mass of grooved stone pillars, stalagmites and stalactites woven with white. The crystalline shards in the walls reflected the torchlight into the walls with a warm, eerie brilliance. Mara couldn't help but gape at the hidden beauty.

Pulling out a futon, mass of pillows, and blankets from where he stored them against a pillar, Grimmjow leaned against a wall with his hands in his pockets to enjoy a view of his own. The firelight reflected in Mara's eyes and warmed them to a golden glow. The flickering refractions made her hair and skin shine. A sweet smile, for once free of the worries of the days, spread across her lips. She looked ethereal. She was a dream.

"It's beautiful," Mara said in awe, melodious voice echoing off the walls.

"Yep," Grimmjow agreed in a low rumble, eyes fixed on the girl in front of him.

Unable to help himself, Grimmjow approached silently behind her to rest his large hands on her waist, relishing her small gasp before she leaned into his touch. She was a goddamn magnet for him. She was fucking addictive and it was drug he would trade his life for. Lowering his lips to her shoulder, he slowly kissed his way up her neck, enjoying how her gasps transformed into little mewls of pleasure. "You can be alone here, Yume, any time you need," he said lowly in her ear, causing goosebumps to spread across her skin, before pulling away.

Somehow, Mara realized, Grimmjow seemed to know exactly what she needed and provided it flawlessly and selflessly. This time by giving up the one place he could be free, too. A silent tear tracked down her cheek at the kindness and sacrifice. Would they ever have to stop giving for her? Would she ever be able to repay him this simple act that felt like he had moved a mountain? Why were they so… trapped?

Grimmjow watched with worry as Mara's shoulders began to shake. Her pleasing gasp had turned into quiet sobs and Grimmjow felt his heart lurch. "Yumekenau-," he began before Mara cut him off.

"Sorry," she mumbled, swiping her tears away roughly with the heels of her hands, "I'm sorry. You must think I'm terribly weak. I know to survive here I have to be tough. I have to be hard, but sometimes… sometimes I just-"

Wrapping her arms around herself, Mara kept her back turned to him, unable to finish her sentence without starting to cry again. She was caught off guard when Grimmjow's strong arms wrapped around her in a gentle but unyielding hold.

"I happen to love how soft you can be," he murmured in her ear as he wove his fingers with hers, "I'm hard enough for the two of us. See?"

Gently he unwound her arms from their hold and stretched one hand up to trace the bones of the hollow mask on his jaw. Slowly, Mara traced up his jaw, causing him to shudder at the touch before she traced the jagged teeth.

Turning in his hold, Mara looked shyly up at him. The timidness of her touch surprised him as she raised her hand to gently flick away the hair that fell over his forehead and into his eyes. "I'd rather be alone _with_ you. Please?"

A grin spread across Grimmjow's lips as he pulled back and led her to the futon before pulling her down onto it with him. "Okay," he mumbled agreeably, shimmying down to hold her in front of him. Pulling her tight to him, he buried his face in the crook of her neck, breathing in the scent of her. His wandering hand traced the curve of her body before pulling her leg over his hips.

Mara couldn't help the small moan he pulled from her as he nipped her neck and pressed his body flush against hers, but she dissolved into small giggles at his impish smile and flashing eyes looking up at her. Smiling at the deep purr he emitted when she ran her fingers through his shaggy hair, Mara did it again before tracing his jaw and turning his face toward hers.

"How do you always know the right thing to say?" she asked lightly, tracing the edge of the hollow mask again and feeling his strong body quake.

"I'm good like that," he shrugged.

"So I've heard, Casanova," she teased.

Grimmjow's smiling face sobered, his hand stilling in its track. "Look, that's not- I mean, okay, it was like that, but it's not-,"

"Easy tiger," Mara crooned, running soothing fingers through his hair again, "I was just messing with you."

"It's panther, thank you," he said, spark back in his eyes, "but you need to know that it ain't like that anymore. Not since you."

"Mmm," Mara murmured in agreement even as she narrowed her eyes at him playfully.

With a growl, Grimmjow rolled them over, his large frame dwarfing the small woman beneath him. "That's all you have to say? Mmm?" he scolded, tickling her sides until she began shrieking with laughter. Grinding his hips into her, Grimmjow slid his body and hands up hers until the laughter turned into a low whimper. "I'm only yours, Yume. Have been for longer than you know."

"Since you caught me from the window?" Mara asked coyly.

"Before that," Grimmjow groaned out pressing a chaste kiss to her cheek. Gently he pulled one of the tied to her shirt open.

Raising her eyebrows at his teasing game, Mara began to think about their moments together. "Since you taught me about the bow staff?" she asked quietly.

"Before that," Grimmjow purred above her, pulling open the other tie and revealing the juban underneath. Pressing a kiss to her jaw this time, he smoothed his hand over her breast, causing her to lightly gasp before poising his fingers tantalizingly close to the next tie. "Try again."

The heat in her eyes matching his, Mara bit her lip in thought. "The academy," she stated surely.

Unable to resist her lips after she had brought attention to them, Grimmjow kissed her hard, tongue sweeping into her mouth and leaving her breathless. "Nope, before that," he said huskily, undoing the next tie, before moving his hand to the last one keeping her hidden from hungry gaze. "Try again," he dared her, the challenge clear in his voice even as his eyes held the question.

Mara's heart raced as she stared at the man in front of her. He was such a dichotomy of soft touches and hard planes. Hungry but giving. Bad, but so fucking good. She wanted him, craved him and she would be damned if she would shy from his challenge of it gave him to her. Meeting his questioning look with a small smile, she smoothed gentle fingers up his chest and over his shoulders, pushing his jacket off of him until he shrugged it off and she could smooth her hands down his sides.

Quaking with need. Shit, she had him in knots. He was literally shaking with the need for her hands to keep moving and his taut muscles trembled under her explorative touch. It was taking everything that Grimmjow had to keep from fucking devouring her as Mara looked back at him with the same undisguised lust and need he felt for her. Goddamn, it had never been like this. Never like her. "Woman, you're gonna kill me," he ground out as she gently raked her nails back up his back.

Tangling her fingers in the soft hair at the nape of his neck, Mara leaned back to look at his glowing sapphire eyes. "When you first kissed me in the memory," she said boldly.

Yanking the last tie, with a growl, Grimmjow descended on her, his insistent mouth swallowing her surprised gasp and growing moans. His large hand slid up the soft skin from her hips to her breast, cupping it before running a rough thumb over her nipple to make it peak. "Close, but no," he said thickly as he kissed his way down the column of her throat, pausing to bite at her collarbone until she pressed herself up against him wantonly.

"Grimm-," she gasped.

"I have loved you since the first time I saw you smile," he said, gentling his voice, kiss, and touch in one, making her tremble at the mix of sensations, "it was the first time I had ever dared to dream."

With that, he lowered his head to lave his tongue over the now-swollen bud he had been teasing. Mara's hands fisted in his hair at the shock of his mouth on her and what he was doing; how good he was making her feel. It was overwhelming. It was…

_He loves me?_ It took her a moment to process of the cacophony of sensations he had sent burning through her veins like the raging wildfire he was. "I lo-" she began before Grimmjow cut her off, raising his head in a flash and silencing her with another harsh kiss.

"Don't," he commanded her softly. In a bid to distract her, he slid his hand between them and inside her waistband, pausing at the last moment before roaming further.

Mara's hips squirmed at his touch, her nails on the back of his neck digging in harder as she fought for control while her body pulled her to abandon. "But I- why?" she pled, keening with need for more than just one kind of fulfillment.

Moving his hand over her gently, Grimmjow allowed himself a lazy smile at how she whimpered and pulled him closer. "It's more than words to me, Yume," he said, "And if we can't change their game… I can't go from hearing it to not. It would break me."

"But you," he continued, running his fingers over the wet seam of her lower lips, "I want you to shatter for me. Just once, just for me."

"I don't think I've done this, Makenai Hito," she whispered huskily, even as her hips arched to his touch.

"I know, I'll be gentle," he whispered, capturing her lips again, "You can say stop anytime you want."

"God, no," she panted between kisses, "Please."

Easing a finger inside her, Grimmjow purred at how tight she was, how responsive, how fucking intoxicating she was. "Holy shit, Yume," he rasped out, lowering his mouth to her other breast and suckling her nipple as he went.

"God, Grimm," Mara whimpered between labored breaths, "Ple- please let me say it. Let me tell you that I-"

"I already know," he growled over her, nipping the soft flesh at his mouth to cut her off, "I'd rather hear you beg for something else." Slowing his movements with a wicked grin, He could feel Mara shaking underneath him. He wanted to be inside her so fucking badly he could scream!- but he knew he had to wait.

Gritting her teeth at the lagging pace, Mara could feel the waves of pleasure easing into a steady strum of need. Infuriating espada, but god how he made her feel. Looking up in his bright eyes Mara felt overwhelmed by everything, both the new feelings he was stirring up in her body and the feelings she had held for him all along. Koi no yokan.

"Please, Makenai Hito," she crooned softly, watching his eyes light up impossibly more.

"Please what?" he urged her on.

Why did she suddenly feel shy? She could cuss like a sailor, yell at captains… But this was Grimmjow, she realized. The one she never had to bite her tongue with. The one who always cheered her on and never judged her words. "Please make me cum, Grimmjow. Just for you."

"As you wish, Yumekanau," he growled as he fell into another deep kiss. As he fell even more in love with her, he realized. Had he ever heard any better words from any sweeter lips.

Moving his thumb over the bundle of nerves hidden in her folds, Grimmjow picked up his pace again until Mara's high-pitched moan echoed around the chamber. _Shit, is she even real? _Grimmjow wondered as she did exactly what he wanted and needed from her. Tight channel fluttering around his fingers, Mara shattered in an orgasm for him. Just for him.

"Wow," Mara breathed, hearing Grimmjow's low chuckle in return.

With utmost care, Grimmjow gently withdrew his hand and wrapped her shirt back gently around her. Pulling her to his chest to lay down, he was surprised when she propped herself up on her arm to look at him, nibbling her lip as she always did when she was thinking.

"So, I can't say it?" she asked impishly, her sated grin spreading wider.

"No," he told her decisively, arching an eyebrow at her in mock sternness.

"Okay," she chirped, laying her head back on his shoulder, "More than words, Makenai Hito."

_Those, _Grimmjow realized, eyes shooting open, _those are the best words I have ever heard._

_._

_._

.

_Alone again, _Matsumoto grumbled to herself as she scowled into her sake. Another night of drinking alone… again. Even Ikkaku and Yumichika were 'busy'. Since when did those two actually do work?

Of course, the one she really wanted there wasn't. Probably taking care of that stupid girl he was so wrapped up in. That EVERYONE was wrapped up in one way or another, even her. How many weeks had she been blaming herself for this entire ridiculous situation? Why hadn't she just kept her stupid mouth shut?

It was time for a refill.

She was so wrapped up in swigging straight from the jug, Matsumoto didn't even see Renji in the bar until he sat down across from her with a half empty beer bottle dangling lightly from his inked fingers. He would be scary as hell if he wasn't smiling at her.

"Woah-oh!" Matsumoto exclaimed, "You're here?"

"Last I checked I was," Renji said with a chuckle, raising a tattooed brow at the slowly piling empty bottles around Matsumoto.

"You- you of all people, I thought for sure, would be wrapped up in that little girl all of you are getting stupid over," Matsumoto slurred with another scowl.

"If anything, I would say I'm one of the stupidest," Renji said lightly. He realized the drink was loosening Matsumoto's tongue and so stayed his. Clearly, she was upset about something that probably wasn't Mara at all. What kind of friend would he be to jump down her throat now?

"Not as stupid as Shuuhei!" Matsumoto wailed, "what does he even see in her to- to- to fucking- UGH!"

_There it is, _Renji smirked knowingly as Matsumoto thunked her forehead down on the table in front of them in distress.

"What does he see in her anyways?" Matsumoto cried out, sitting straight back up.

With a small smile, Renji gave a sigh and sat back to wait out the coming rant. "Well-," he started for her to cut him off.

"Look at me, Renji!," she commanded in a slurred haughty tone, flicking her long hair over her shoulder before running her fingers down her creamy throat before cupping her large breasts in her hands, "Just look at this. What else could he want? She-She's practically shaped like a child!"

"I guarantee you that she is not," Renji said lowly, heat rising in his cheeks as he remembered the feel of Mara pressed against him. "Maybe when I met her," Renji conceded, remembering her skeletal and disease-ridden body, "but not now."

"First Rukia," Matsumoto sneered, "Now this bitch, what does that say about you?"

Wrapping his large hand around hers to push the sake bottle back to the table, Renji leaned forward with a dangerous glint in his eye. "I am willing to stay calm with you, Rangiku, because you are my friend and you are clearly quite upset and drunk," he warned her lowly, "but my patience isn't endless, and that was out of line."

Instantly, Matsumoto's haughty look dissolved into one of sorrow. "I'm sorry, Renji," she said with surprising sobriety, "I just… I'm the one that warned Shuuhei that she was coming, that something needed to be done and prepped because of her power. This whole mess is on me and now I have to watch him walk away…" Matsumoto's hand rose to fiddle with the ring on her necklace as she stared hard into her now half empty jug.

Just like Gin, Renji realized. Her tells clearly hadn't changed over the years. "When I left you guys were just hooking up randomly," Renji said gently, "That changed?"

"Yeah… I mean, no… I don't know" Matsomoto answered, "We had an arrangement and it worked. We had plans for the future."

Renji's shock painted his features. Did Mara know this? "You did?" he asked incredulously.

"Yeah. Fall back plans, really," Matsumoto groaned, "But it was good. We were good! And then this little whore comes along and ruins it."

Noticing that Renji made no response but to thin his lips, Matsumoto sighed deeply and looked him square in the eye. "Sorry, but you have to know that I'm not that far off the truth. She is juggling two guys at once."

"It's a fucking trauma response. It has to be," Renji growled, "It has to be."

"Dammit, she has the wool over all of your eyes!" Matsumoto wailed before killing the rest of her bottle and signaling for another one, "You can't just be okay with this!"

"Of course, I'm not," Renji said soothingly, "It'll pass and I'll get her back. Until then I am putting up with it just like you."

"You better get on it then before it's too late," Matsumoto said doubtfully.

"Starts tomorrow," Renji said with a smirk, polishing off his own beer and rising from the table.

"Maybe you need some entertainment tonight?" Matsumoto said coyly, looking up through her lashes at the tall man as she trailed her hand along the lapel of her lowcut uniform.

Barking out a laugh, Renji ruffled Matsumoto's hair into a distinctly unsexy mess. "You and I both know that THAT is a terrible idea. What I need tonight is rest for tomorrow," he said as he headed out the door, "Go to bed, Matsumoto!"

"Stupid, lovesick dick," she muttered, waving for her new drink to hurry up, only to be distracted by a small snort near her. "Do you have something to add?" Matsumoto asked angrily, casting her clear blue eyes at her noisy neighbor.

"Other than that he's an idiot," a surprisingly tenor voice answered back, "No."

Doing a doubletake, Matsumoto turned to face the stocky man behind her. She recognized him. Taking in the badge on his arm, realization dawned on her. "You're the new lietenant for the 9th right?"

"Yeah," he answered, lifting his eyes from where he had been glowering into his sake cup, "Watanabe Sora."

"Charmed," Matsumoto said sweetly, "So why was Lieutenant Abarai such an idiot- for passing on me or doing it for that girl you are hosting?"

Heaving a deep sigh, Watanabe turned back to his sake. "For rejecting you, of course," he mumbled unconvincingly.

"That doesn't sound like the entire answer," Matsumoto chided playfully, drawing his eyes back to her.

"I'm not supposed to talk about it," Watanabe grumbled.

God, but did he look like he wanted to talk. Matsumoto sent up a quick thanks for her fortune as she looked over the new guy. This was an opportunity she just could not pass up.

"Oh, I understand," she said softly, eyes large and pleading, "but you know giving orders like that could really get your captain in trouble if people hear about it. They'll think he's hiding something."

Watanabe's eyes widened at her implication and Matsumoto threw her hands out in a placating gesture. "Oh no! No! Captain Hisagi and I are friends! I would never report anything like that," she assured him, "and I'm not going to push you. It just seemed like you had some feelings about little Mara."

"Well, I- no, I can't talk about her," Watanabe stopped himself.

"I'm just asking about your feelings," Matsumoto said innocently as she leaned to recline against the table behind her making sure her assets were displayed to perfection, "I would never ask for details you aren't allowed to give! How you feel, though… no one can police that."

Thinking for a moment, Watanabe finally cracked a smile. Flinging his arm out wide, he looked Matsumoto up and down lecherously. "Care to join me?"

"Are you going to tell me how you really feel?" Matsumoto asked coyly, already rising to her feet unsteadily.

"I still feel like I'm doing something wrong," Watanabe said, even as the grin on his face belied that he didn't care.

"Oh Sora- can I call you Sora?" Matsumoto gushed, leaning towards him over the table to give him an eye-full, "You're a lieutenant now. We don't keep things from each other! How else are going to clean up after these primadonna captains if we can't share freely with each other?"

"That's the truth," Watanabe slurred, "they have me running around like some glorified nanny to this petulant, rude, lazy girl like the fate of the worlds depends on it. She has them so wrapped around her finger it's sick."

"It sounds like such a waste of your…" Pausing to lick her lip, Matsumoto glanced down at lips before flicking her gaze back to his eyes, all the while tracing her fingertips gently around his meaty hands, "talents."

Swallowing hard, Sora could only nod at the goddess in front of him.

"So, she has them wrapped around her finger," Matsumoto prompted patiently, "How so?"

"Just different ways. Like earlier today I had to sprint after her and that espada to a fucking cave," Watanabe began before comically snapping his mouth closed. "I don't know if I should talk about it but it makes me so damn angry I just-"

"I'll tell you what, Sora," Matsumoto cut him off with a conspiratorial smile, twining her fingers with his, "I'll get you another drink and then you can tell me whatever you need to get off of your chest, even if it takes all night long."

At Watanabe's vigorous nodding, Matsumoto turned away from the table with a smirk to hail the waiter. _Like taking candy from a baby._


	42. Chapter 41: Look At Their Faces

Got it done a little early. Hopefully the next chapters will be as fast, I have like the 25 or so decided and am doing outlines now. Enjoy!

Soundtrack for the chapter is Alexander 23- IDK you yet (Y'all. This song is such a mood, and it fits the majority of the chapter as a whole, as well as specifically the photo- you'll see)

**Chapter 41- **

Renji leaned against the entry doorway to the offices on the 6th, light spilling out around him as he watched the trio approach for his time with Mara. His best friend, his enemy, and his girl. She was tucked into Hisagi's side even as Grimmjow dangled off her hand. This was hell.

Still, he forced himself to watch. His neutral expression did not waver. He had to do this for her. He just had to weather the storm. Who knew, maybe it could all change today. As they drew close, his painted grin even managed to look real.

"Hisagi," he nodded in greeting, "Jaegerjaquez."

Hisagi's slate gray eyes roamed over his old friend, not missing the tension coiled in him as he gave him a wary but impressed look. Where had his hot-headed friend gone? This calculating man whom he had thought he knew so well was an entirely different beast. It made him nervous. Not for Mara, he knew Renji wouldn't hurt her, but for them. How far could this bigger, badder, smarter man manage to get?

"Abarai," he nodded back as he pulled Mara close to drop a kiss on her head. Releasing his hold on her, he met Renji's eerily similar piercing gaze. The stare off was only a moment but hung heavy with threat and maybe a tinge of sadness.

Watching the other two men's silent contest of wills, Grimmjow gave an exaggerated eye roll. Pulling Mara's hand, he spun her towards him to dip her low and give her a deep, Hollywood-style kiss. "Be good, Yume," he purred with a shit-eating grin before setting her back up on her feet.

"Really?" she said, swatting his arm but unable to help the giggle that rose in her throat.

Raising an eyebrow at the seething red-head, Grimmjow pushed her gently forward toward the entrance.

Covering his shock and anger with a mask to rival his captain's, Renji simply nodded and guided Mara in. Laying a heavy arm over her shoulder, he guided Mara in a different direction than normal. "Don't worry, guys," he said lazily over his shoulder, "first floor this time. I'm not letting her jump out another window." With that, he kicked the door shut behind him in the startled faces of those left outside before guiding Mara down a long winding hall.

"Was that entirely necessary?" she grumbled, pushing with her shoulders to shrug off him arm even though he refused to budge.

"The espada started it," Renji whined, earning him an annoyed look.

"He has a name," Mara scolded.

"Ooookay," Renji drew out, "Grimmjow then. Still doesn't change the fact that he started it."

"And you have to finish it?" Mara asked incredulously as they approached a closed door labeled "Break Room"

"Always," Renji said with a chuckle, finally dropping his arm from her shoulders, "I have a surprise for you!"

Mara raised an eyebrow as the hulking man in front of her transformed into something so damn cute she couldn't help but smile. His wide grin was electric and his step had a bounce as he flounced up to the door.

"A break room?" she teased, earning an imperiously raised brow in return.

"No," he answered exaggeratedly, "This!"

Flinging open the door, Renji enthusiastically pulled her through before waving his arm in a circle around them. "What do you think?"

Looking around the 1970's style kitchen complete with giant microwave, sea foam green cabinets and mustard-colored diamond tiles on the counters and back splash, Mara didn't know what to think. It was… Well, it was kitchen. Compared to the super-modern commercial kitchens of the barracks clashing with the traditionally Edo décor everywhere else, it was definitely unique, but it didn't seem to stand out in any other significant way.

"Its… very retro?" Mara said with a wavering smile up at Renji who seemed to deflate like a balloon. God, why did he have to look at her like she had just kicked a puppy? "I mean, it's very nice," she rushed out, trying to bring some of the spark back to him, "It's a very nice kitchen! I just don't get it? I guess it's not totally my style, but if it's yours then bravo. It looks great!"

With a snort, Renji pulled her to the Formica dining table, also in mustard yellow and seated her in an antique wooden chair, complete with patchwork seat cushions. "I knew it was a long shot," he smiled, "but I didn't pick the décor."

"What do you mean?" Mara asked as she crossed her legs up in the chair underneath her.

"I didn't pick the décor," Renji repeated, lowering himself into the chair across from her and pulling out a small brown bag, "Your great-grandmother did."

Mara smiled before the words finally hit her. "What did you just say?" she asked breathlessly.

"Your favorite stories of your family to tell me were about the times you would go to your great-grandmother's house. She, your grandmother, your mom, and you would sit around the table for hours on end and play cards and games while dinners cooked," Renji said reaching into the bag and pulling out something before setting it on the floor, "This is her kitchen."

It was as if time stopped as Mara could do nothing but stare Renji across from her. "You built her kitchen?"

"I did," Renji confirmed, "I told you I could build."

"That is insane- you!- what?" Mara finally tore her gaze from his to look around the kitchen with fresh eyes. There was so much detail, she realized from the wrapper peeking out of the wooden breadbox to Fruit Loops and Little Debbie's boxes stacked on top of the yellowed Frigidaire. Slowly she got up from the table and began looking at everything starting at the door. Key's hung from a wooden hanger engraved with names she didn't know. A buffet against the wall held handmade doilies and was piled high with receipts, mail, and a Tupperware cake carrier. The water ran clear from the faucet when she turned the cut clear plastic knobs and even the cast iron skillet on the stove gleamed bronze with use.

"How did you do this?" Mara asked, shutting the creaky oven door to turn back to Renji who lounged patiently at the table.

"I had some help," he admitted, "Ishida, at the hospital, was personally handling sending your things back home to your family and he snagged a picture for me. Your memories were good but that's what brought it together."

"A picture?" Mara asked, settling herself back down at the table across from him.

"Yeah, it helped," Renji said, setting his hands on the table to deposit the two decks of cards he had pulled from the bag and a worn polaroid, "You showed me this picture when I came over. Its of your family card club."

Sliding it over to her, he watched Mara carefully as she looked on the faces of some of her family for the first time. Gently she traced the two figures at the table, two older women who smiled jovially at the camera in a kitchen identical to the one she now sat in, from the laminate floor to the popcorn ceiling. A blonde woman looked over her shoulder, blue eyes sparkling even though her shoulder hid her smile, from where she leaned over the sink. At the front, a brunette girl made a funny face as she crossed her big brown eyes.

"You told me once that your granny had a saying. 'If you don't know where you've come from," Renji began.

"You don't know where you're going," Mara finished, raising glistening eyes up at Renji as a soft swirl of rietsu laced out from her just briefly.

Smiling gently, Renji reached out to cover her hand with his. "Who's the quote by Ippin?"

Slowly another thread of rietsu wove out. "Maya Angelou," she said softly, "My granny was ahead of her time in the south. She loved her writing and defended it even though people said she was crazy for defending the work of a black woman."

"She was stubborn," Renji said with a satisfied nod, "Now you know where you get it."

Staring down at the picture, Mara looked into the large brown eyes in the wrinkled face, so similar to her own as a child. "You really don't do things in half measures do you?" she asked Renji with a smile earning a chuckle in return. "I guess I should have expected that," she continued, "given how strong you came on with the whole 'you have to love me' thing at the beginning."

Renji's sharp eyes flew to her face to see the small smile curling the corner of her lips even though she tried to hide it. "Are- are you teasing me?" he asked in disbelief.

"Maybe," Mara said with a shrug, raising wet but smiling eyes to his as she set the photo down with reverence on the table in front of her. "This really is amazing, Renji," she told him earnestly.

"I was hoping that it would be some big stark memory moment when you walked in," Renji said casually as he unwrapped a deck of cards, "But you win some, you lose some."

"This was definitely still a win," Mara assured him, reaching out unconsciously to the deck of cards in front of her. Beginning to shuffle them like a pro, bridging them back down to always fall neatly into her hands, Mara watched as Renji opened the other deck and began fumbling with trying to shuffle the slick new cards together.

With a sly smile Renji handed her the other deck, watching her shuffle quickly before blending the decks together. "I'll say it is," he agreed softly, watching the amber flecks in her eyes grow as the calm, steady rietsu he had been aiming for seemed to fill the floor of the space and lap at his ankles like the ocean waves.

"[What we playin'?]" Mara asked in English, lilting southern accent prominent.

"Canasta," Renji answered keeping a close eye on her as the amber faded to a dull glow. It was still there but just barely. "You remember how to play?"

"I think so," Mara said, her face a mask of concentration.

She must have been practicing, Renji determined. When they last spoke she mentioned how the memories were all consuming, taking the place of what was around her. Now she appeared to be harnessing it on the fly, blending it with reality. What were the guys even doing with her to practice?

"[Deal 'em up then, little girl,]" Renji drawled back, replicating her accent to perfection and earning a shocked look. "[What?]" he continued innocently, "[You taught me things, too.]"

"I just didn't expect that," Mara said with a chuckle as she cast out the cards and then gathered her hand, "Makes this really feel like home."

"Considering what you told me about your memories," Renji said as he organized his cards, "I'm surprised you don't think I'm your grandmother right now."

Unable to help but laugh at the image, Mara turned the first card and began comparing her hand to it. "I've been working on it not being so overwhelming. I haven't tried with newer memories but with the old ones it helps."

Renji drew and discarded quickly. "What helps exactly?"

"Overall it helps to have control," Mara said as she fit her new card in her deck before selecting a discard, "but it also helps if I have an action or distraction along with it. It helps me put the memory in the background like music as I focus on something tangible."

"How are you doing that?" he asked, watching her debate.

"Fighting," Mara said with finality, setting down a card.

Renji's echoing laugh startled Mara and she looked at him with curiosity. "Go figure you would go back to fighting and that they would figure out it was something they could trigger," he said, shaking his head ruefully, "You only won silver in the junior Olympics and were training for Olympic tryouts."

"I was?" Mara asked, watching Renji lay down a red three on his board, "Oh, you lucky ass."

"And I plan on getting luckier," Renji mused, watching Mara fit another card into her hand with precision. Coughing to clear his mind Renji sat up, shimmying his cards in his hands. "Yes, you were training to be an Olympian and then you got sick. You had to stop."

"Glad I haven't had to remember that day yet," Mara said softly, "I'm mostly at the relearning weapons and 'randomly beating the crap out of Grimmjow' phase."

"Now that," Renji said emphatically, "I would pay to see."

"Why do you hate him so much anyways?" Mara asked as the discard pile between them grew.

"Really?" Renji asked, raising an eyebrow, "All your research into how you came here and can't guess why I hate hollows and espada in particular?"

With a sigh, Mara picked up the entire discard pile, slotting it piece by piece in her hand. "Correct me if I am wrong, but was that not a different espada that attacked us in Karakura Town?"

"Correct me if I'm wrong," Renji said jovially, trying to get the conversation back on track to her past, "But don't have to lay down if you are going to pick up?"

"I know I know," Mara muttered, still filing the mass of cards, "You didn't answer."

Renji leaned back with a sigh, laying his cards face down on the table and stretching his arms behind his head. He was well aware of Mara's eyes following his movements and he took advantage of that fact to collect himself. He didn't want to talk about the fucking espada. It was hard enough not talking about 'them', fuck bringing up Jaegerjaquez.

"We were up against a different espada," Renji finally said, "Ulquiorra Cifer."

"So why hold it against Grimm?" she asked, flicking her eyes back to her cards.

"Its hard to break old habits, I guess," Renji mumbled.

"Is one of those habits losing?" Mara asked with a twinkle in her eye, setting down two full books, a red three and a discard in one fell swoop.

"Fuckin' hell," Renji guffawed, "To you, yes."

Giggling, Mara shuffled the cards back into the deck, setting them neatly in a pile where Renji picked them up to deal them out again. "Look, Ippin, it's hard, ok?" he began to explain as he dealt, "It was one thing coming to grips with my friend who I assumed was a decent guy, but my enemy?"

Mara watched him struggle for words as she waited for his card and felt moved by something. Maybe it was pity, maybe it was actually seeing Renji as a friend, or maybe it was because, if today showed anything, he truly cared and she couldn't help but care back. "I'm sorry, I won't push you," she said gently, gathering her cards, "I really can tell you are trying. Look at all you set up here. You really gave me back a piece of me that I didn't know I was missing."

Watching as she looked at the polaroid again fondly, Renji smiled wide. "There is another thing to add to the ambience," he hinted.

"What?" Mara asked as she set down her hand on the tabletop.

Rising, Renji brought over the Tupperware cake container and a set of forks. Lifting the lid off he revealed a beautiful golden bundt cake to Mara's eager eyes that widened like saucers. "You know what this is?" he asked with a smile.

"Pound cake," Mara responded instantly, mouth watering and rietsu rising.

"It might not be exactly like your Granny's but it was no small feat getting it from the world of the living in America to here, so I hope you like it," he said as he handed her a fork, but Mara didn't even seem to see him.

**Jeez, her Granny made the best pound cake, Mara thought as she saw it sitting in its container. Her mouth was watering as Granny set it on the table for them to just dig in with forks as they played.**

**"Don't get so caught up in eatin', little girl, that you forget about playin'."**

**"I won't," Mara promised as she chewed, already scooping up another bite. The crust was the best.**

**"Good then?" Granny asked as she settled herself gently into her chair, her large robe floating around her tiny figure. Mara knew you couldn't let Granny's size and frailty fool you, the woman was a shark. Whip sharp mind and sharper tongue, she was Mara's role model and older doppelganger all in one.**

"Good then?" Renji said with a smile, as Mara dug in with a plethora of happy food sounds.

"Always," she said with a sigh, eyes misting as she turned back to her cards.

"What's wrong?" he asked as her eyes glistened again, but Mara looked back up at him with a smile.

"I saw her!" she said happily, "Thank you, Renji. Holy crap, just- thank you."

Smiling, Renji took a big bite of the cake. "Always."

Mara lost track of how many hands they played and had to admit that she was having a genuinely amazing time. Renji had gone all out to transport her back and it worked. He recited back every story she had told him of being around that table, making her laugh until she cried and cry until she laughed.

Eventually, they both caught themselves yawning as they set the cards down. "Believe it or not, Renji, I hate to call it a night," she said sorrowfully.

"I do, too," he said earnestly, "but you were turning your rietsu on and off like a faucet and are probably exhausted."

Mara nodded with a smile, moving to stand when Renji caught her hand. "I have one more thing for you first," he said as he lifted the brown bag back up from the ground and set it on the table.

Mara had forgotten it was there and now she looked at it and him in curiosity. What the hell else could he have to pull out of his bag of tricks after all this?

Standing, Renji tapped the photo on the table. "There is something in common between at least one of your memories that you have had and this photo," he hinted to her, "Can you see what it is?"

Mara nibbled her lip as she shuffled through the memories she had told Renji. "I don't know," she said blowing a stray hair out of her eyes before looking back up at him, "I was wearing the same shoes?'

"The same damn shoes that you wore every single day that I knew you," Renji said with a laugh, pulling out a shoe box from the bag and opening it to reveal a set of the trusty, black, low-top converse. "It's time to get you out of shinigami sandals and back to feeling like you."

Mara's peals of laughter were music to his ears as he set them in front of her. He watched as she held up the shoes, seeing that touch of amber which made his heart soar, until she withdrew her hands as a sad frustration painted her features.

"I- um- I don't know how to lace them," she admitted, cheeks turning pink.

"You remembered how to play one of the most complicated card games but not how to tie shoes?" Renji asked incredulously even as he grabbed a shoe and started lacing it without her having to say more.

"I have been told that minds are strange and fragile things," Mara parroted as Renji quickly laced the second.

"Very true," he agreed, dropping into a squat in front of her, "Not like it's the first time I've done this anyway, Ippin." Tapping the top of his strong thigh, Renji looked up at her with a smile. "Foot," he ordered.

"What?" Mara asked, shocked, looking down at him.

"I have to have your foot to put the shoe on you," Renji stated the obvious. Gently, he reached out and hooked behind her ankle to set her foot on his leg. Taking off her sandal, he tossed it in the brown bag and slipped the shoe on her. "Once it's on, just tie the bow like you did the back of the sandal," he explained as he showed her before setting her foot on the ground and reaching for the other, "It's easier now that they're laced. Once you break them in, you'll be able to slide them on an off like you used to."

Tying the second shoe up for her, Renji shot her up a smirk and a wink. "Good to go, Beautiful."

**"Good to go, Beautiful," he said with a smile up at her, gently placing her foot up on the rest of the wheelchair.**

**"You can stop saying that now," Mara said wanly, "You and I both know that I have passed the point of it being true."**

**"What do I call you?" Renji asked gently, reaching up to cup her cool cheek. She had indeed changed, and it was obvious that her time was drawing near. No matter how long and well she rested, the dark circles stayed under her eyes. Her cheeks had hollowed adding to her gaunt look. Even her clothes, now bought in children's sizes, hung off her frame. But all he saw when he looked at her now, soft cheek pressed into his large palm, were her shining eyes still bright with wit and intelligence and warmth. He saw her shining, multihued hair in long curls and the sweet silent moments together of his brushing it and braiding it for her. All he saw was his Love.**

**"Ippin?" she answered back weakly.**

**"Damn straight," he said with a cocky smile, "article of rare beauty. And you are."**

**A gentle smile spread across her face as he rose to his impressive height in front of her. "How'd I get so lucky?"**

**"I keep wondering the same thing," Renji said softly, "Let me know when you find out."**

**"Can we go to the café first, before the park?" Mara asked, eyes brightening as Renji leaned over to kiss her sweetly.**

**"Of course, Ippin."**

"Ippin!" Renji called out to her, trying to catch his breath, sweat dripping from his brow as he bent over Mara. "IPPIN!"

Mara's eyes shot to focus to see clouds of blue and green awash in the small space. "Renji? What… holy crap!" Instantly Mara felt out and was nearly bowled over by the force of the power in her limbs and around them. This was… this was from her. And it seemed to be killing him!

Breathing deeply, Mara focused on gathering the power back to her and cutting off the flow. Thanks to Hisagi's lessons she had gotten fairly efficient at tracking and controlling her rietsu, although never with this much power. With a nearly audible snap, the reitsu cleared the room leaving silence and emptiness in its wake. Renji leaned heavily over Mara's chair, arms braced on the back of it.

Looking up with worried eyes, Mara immediately reached up to cup both his cheeks. Running her thumb over his furrowed brow, she trailed her fingers in nervous lines to clear the stray strands of hair from his face that had escaped his braid.

She was so close. She was so close and looking at him like she actually fucking cared. It would only be small reach to kiss her, to claim her again. Renji desperately tried to keep his mind in order as he reeled from the gale-force rietsu that had run rampant to her now tender ministrations. Dropping his head on her shoulder, Renji could think of nothing but sitting down and not breaking contact with her

"Oh shit," she whispered, as Renji let out a long breath and sank to his knees in front of her, arms braced on either side of her legs. His head still hung forward, leaned against her chest. "Easy big guy," Mara breathed, "are you okay?"

Turning his head to look up at her sideways, Renji took in her worried look. Slowly unclenching his fists, he rested his hands on her hips, nearly circling them, in what he hoped was a comforting gesture. It sure was comforting to him. "I'm fine, Ippin," he said with a light squeeze, not missing her silent but escalated inhale, "Bigger question is what the hell was that?"

"A memory. A recent one," Mara said softly, tucking one of the last stray strands of fiery hair behind his ear. Goosebumps followed her fingers as she traced the lightning bolt shapes on his neck in a practiced move. She knew it was practiced. There was no fighting the connotations or implications of this memory that came through clear as day. All she had felt was love. Abounding and overwhelming Love that was as real as the chair she now sat in. As real as the man leaning into her.

"What of?" Renji asked unmoving, happy to let her explore.

"Us," Mara said shortly, her fingers pausing in their track. Renji looked up at her, sideways still, through surprisingly long lashes that made his dark eyes even more piercing. Waiting for her to elaborate, he did not utter a word to pressure her. The girl in the memory was indeed lucky, Mara realized. What she didn't know was if she could still know that girl who seemed so happy, even in her weakness.

She doubted it. To survive here, she had to be strong.

Turning his head back towards her lap before pushing himself up to face her, Renji thought about what to say; how to play it. She was clearly feeling things right at the surface. If he could just push the right spot… But looking at her, she seemed so torn. Nibbling her lip in thought with her brow furrowed, Mara didn't look up at him as he sat back. Instead, she just twiddled her now-empty fingers together.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, drawing an utterly confused look as Mara seemed surprised into stillness.

"What for?" she asked in genuine confusion.

"I really wasn't trying to make you remember me," Renji said honestly, "I wanted to give you back You. I'm not trying to push the idea of me or us on you anymore."

"I believe you," Mara said holding his gaze, "they just kind of happen when something triggers them."

Renji nodded, about to ask her more when Mara cut him off, eyes narrowing. "You're not trying to win me over anymore?" she asked doubtfully.

"Of course, I am," Renji said with a low chuckle, "I'm just not going to do it by resting on what was. That's gone."

"Is it?" Mara asked, so softly that he would have missed it if he weren't watching her so closely. Absentmindedly, she stroked her thumb over the small tattoo on her wrist, lips pursed.

Sliding his hand down her thigh from where it rested on her hip, so lightly that the touch was barely even there, he held her hand up in the palm of his own. His thumb replaced hers in its track over the tattoo. "Do you know what this means, Ippin?"

"I think so," Mara said without looking up.

"We can have that again," Renji said, still tracing his mark on her skin.

"I- No… I don't know if we can," Mara said, voice strained as she shook her head even as her eyes were locked on the point where his rough fingers were caressing her skin.

Sitting back on his heels, Renji didn't break his hold but examined her. Her shoulders were stooped, head bowed. It was like she hated saying the damn words to him so… "Why?" he asked bluntly.

Mara finally raised her eyes to meet his piercing gaze. Her look seemed to ooze equal parts sorrow and anger as she looked at him. "If you loved me- still love me- as much as I think you did," she began softly, "then how-"

Knock knock knock.

The soft knock on the door echoed through the quiet space, stopping Mara midsentence. "Go away," Renji warned without breaking eye contact with the woman across from him. They were getting somewhere. They were finally-

**Knock knock knock.**

"Lieutenant Abarai?" a soft nervous voice asked from the other side of the door.

"I said go away. We are fine. We're doing the fucking memory thing, and if it's the two guys outside, let them know that she is ok," Renji replied with a groan.

"But… Lieutenant Abarai, its-,"

Suddenly the door flew open revealing a kneeling shinigami shuffling away quickly and a taller, sterner one filling the frame.

"Abarai," he said, his voice a mix of apology and a serious tone that brooked no argument, "This is important."

"Richiki," Renji snarled, "Just because you have risen to 3rd seat does not mean you can barge in."

Pursing his lips patiently, Richiki walked forward purposefully and handed Renji a scroll whose seal had already been broken. "This does."

Rising gracefully to his feet, Renji snatched the scroll out of his hand and read through it quickly as Mara watched on with growing dread. Renji's expression grew darker and darker until he threw the scroll at the wall.

Deftly, Richiki caught it in the air, rerolling it and tucking it under his arm. "Captain Kuchiki has already read it, he will want to speak to you."

"Of course, he fucking does," Renji muttered before slanting a look to Richiki, "Take it to Captain Hisagi, no doubt he is being left out of the loop."

With a nod, Richiki bowed out of the room and headed away, as Renji began to pace and cuss behind him.

"Fucking- fuck, what the fucking-" he ranted.

"Certainly illustrates the diversity of the word," Mara quipped, trying to calm the beast that stalked in front of her.

"Not the time for movie quotes," Renji rumbled, still pacing.

"What is going on?" Mara asked nervously, rising to her feet and stepping in front of Renji.

"You have to go, you have things you probably need to discuss with Hisagi," Renji glared at the floor.

Stepping under his lowered head so that he had to meet her gaze, Mara looked at his strained face. "Why?" she asked slowly, "What is happening, Renji?"

"Apparently complaints have been lodged about the lack of actionable punishment and accountability of wrongdoing at the last captains meeting," Renji recited, finally meeting her eyes, "there's now going to be a formal hearing and sentencing."

"They're going after me again," Mara summed up softly.

"No, Ippin," Renji said in a dangerous snarl, "They're going after all of us.


	43. Chapter 42: Damned if You Do

Another chapter, another day! Been crazy and sick and... its been fun but I finally got it going. Next chap is in the works and hopefully wont take 3 weeks. Soundtrack is Amber Run- I found and Placebo- Running up that Hill (again, this song covers the whole mood of the chapter but is especially poignant come the second half.)

**Chapter 42**

Renji couldn't help but throw the door open in frustration as he entered Byakuya's office, this was bullshit. He had respect for Seireitei, their touted morals and beliefs, their purpose but this-?

"What the hell is going on?" Renji immediately asked loudly upon entering Byakuya's office, only to be met with the disdainful arch of one perfect brow.

With a deep sigh, Renji slowed his pace to walk to the chair across from his captain at the desk. With another sigh he ran on large hand over his face before looking back at Byakuya. "What has happened, Captain Kuchiki?" he asked more calmly, "I thought you said that this was all smoothed over?"

"That I did," Byakuya acknowledged with an imperceptible nod.

Renji raised his eyebrows in expectation as he waited for Byakuya to continue. Slowly, Byakuya leaned forward, steepling his fingers and pursing his lips. "Apparently," he began, "a captain raised concerns to Head Captain Yamamoto about the enforcement and leniency in response to the… outburst last meeting."

"That was probably the only bit of information I was able glean from the summons," Renji growled lowly, "I am asking you why."

"I did put out some feelers with my contacts," Byakuya admitted leaning back in his chair, "but it's not much."

"Anything is better than what we have now," Renji argued, "Are you on my side or not?"

Byakuya sighed deeply before continuing. "All I know is that an unnamed captain-"

Renji rolled his eyes. "Meaning Soi-Fon."

"An UNNAMED captain," Byakuya repeated, "said that not only were the punishments so light that they were a bad example to the denizens of Soul Society, but that they have inside knowledge of attempts to skirt the meager rules by both Mara and those watching over her."

Renji couldn't help but roll his eyes again. If he tried hard enough could he see his brain? "Do we at least know the charges?" he asked with a groan.

"They believe that yours are for unauthorized use of kido during peace time or using kido in the captain's hall and probably disturbing the peace," Byakuya began, giving Renji a moment to think.

"I could see the second charge, and maybe the third," Renji mumbled mulling it over, "But the fact that it was defensive hado and not bakoudo may be able to help those causes."

"Before I continue, since when are you able to cast Danku?" Byakuya asked curiously. Renji's reputation in kido had followed him, even once he had become a successful lieutenant.

"I had half a decade of nothing but drinking and training," Renji said dryly, "I can't control it long, but it did the job. Continue."

Pursing his lips at Renji's commanding tone, Byakuya continued nonetheless. "Captain Hisagi is most likely being tried for negligence in either properly controlling or training those under his command."

"That's a slap on the wrist," Renji said with a wave of his hand, "Mara?"

Byakuya sighed deeply, attempting to exude calm as he braced himself for the coming storm that his news would bring. "The… Mara's… may be more complicated," he said stoically.

Renji watched as Byakuya's mask slid into place and all he could think of was Mara pointing out that the sudden masking of emotions was a tell in itself. This wasn't going to be good. "And?"

"Speculatively, Mara's charges are more numerous than both of yours," Byakuya said slowly, wary of the red-heads anger, "They could include, but may not be limited to, aiding in the use of unauthorized kido, disturbing the peace, improper conduct to those of higher rank, tampering with Seireitei property in an attempt to avoid standing punishment, evading supervision… and I don't know if there is more than that."

Contrary to the storm Byakuya had expected, Renji went stock still, color draining from his face. "That's- that's enough to lock her away," he stuttered, stricken.

"Possibly yes," Byakuya ground out. Damn. He was trying to rebuild his lieutenant, not see him be turned into rubble again because the chit couldn't keep her mouth shut. What had he gotten himself into with this mission? "There are a few captains who we know will stand on your side," Byakuya reminded him, "Plus they can't go without a captain and a lieutenant forever, we just have to work _with_ the rules."

"The gray area is your specialty, not mine," Renji reminded him, "and you aren't the one on the stand."

"Then we have a lot of work to do," Byakuya said tiredly as he walked over to a cabinet. Taking out a large book, he tossed it unceremoniously on his desk in front of Renji with a loud smack before taking one out for himself.

_Histories of Penal Precedents and Superprecedent Revisions: Volume 1_

"Fuck me," Renji groaned, reading the title before flopping open the cover and coughing at the plume of rising dust, "Seriously?"

"Did you forget how to study, Lieutenant Abarai?" Byakuya asked blandly, eyes quickly skimming the pages in front of him.

"How about I say fuck the rules and just steal her away?" Renji growled as he began perusing the contents.

"I would be careful saying things that could be easily misinterpreted in that tone," Byakuya warned, eyes narrowing as he wondered how far his lieutenant intended to take his rage

"I have no intention of waging a war on Seireitei, but you have to know, Captain," Renji said coolly, the seriousness etching his face in stone, "No matter what it comes down to, I will protect her."

.

.

"No matter what happens," Hisagi said grimly, "We have to protect her."

"I get that, Cap," Grimmjow drawled, frustration edging his tone as it floated down the hall from the basement cell to where Mara leaned against the wall listening.

From the silent run home to unceremoniously leaving Grimmjow and her outside the training rooms without a word before stalking off, Hisagi exuded stress in waves. What would anyone expect? The pressure he was under had to be immense. He had to run the division. He had to be pseudo-jailer. He had to be babysitter. He had to be fiancé. He had to be diplomat. He had to be… overwhelmed.

Normally he operated with such a calm level-headedness that it was easy to forget how much he handled. Mara leaned her head back against the wall with a thunk. She wasn't eavesdropping, per say. She had had every intention of joining them, but she couldn't because she felt guilty. She and her big mouth had been the catalyst for dropping the weight of the worlds on Hisagi's shoulders again. She was why he seemed to be finally hitting his breaking point.

"But they aren't just going after her!" Grimmjow continued venomously, "What about you?"

"What about me?" Hisagi hissed, the creak of the futon echoing in the stillness as he sat heavily on it.

"They are going after you, too," Grimmjow spelled out to him slowly, "Am I just supposed to stand there and let it happen?"

"No," Hisagi snapped back, "You are supposed to shed those cuffs like a bad fucking habit and get her the hell out of there if I say so."

"I will not leave you to take the brunt of that decision," Grimmjow sighed, "or did you forget that I always pay my debts."

Hisagi let out a deep sigh that Mara echoed silently as she listened. "Are you loyal to me, Grimmjow?" Hisagi asked roughly.

"Isn't that what I just said?" Grimmjow bit back.

"Answer the question," Hisagi said with another low sigh, "Are you loyal to me?"

Silence answered him as Grimmjow seemed to pause and regard him. "Yeah, I am," Grimmjow stated seriously, "And you are the only shinigami I am loyal to. You know that."

"Then if shit goes sideways, you are to leave with her. Hide in that damn mine of yours, so deep they can't track you, for as long as needed and find a way out," Hisagi ordered him, "As long as you save her, your debt is considered paid."

"I am 198% sure that she will not be happy with that plan," Grimmjow said with a mirthless chuckle.

Mara could hear the creak of the futon and hollow thud of the old guitar hitting Hisagi's lap as he failed to respond. Slowly the sound of off-pitch notes coming into focus filled the hall while he tuned the guitar. "She'll just have to forgive me later," he mumbled.

Grimmjow paced, his footsteps swallowed by the sound of chorded scales, as he ran his hand down his face. "There's always a solution, Cap," he muttered, "We just have to find a way…"

"Now you sound like her, too," Hisagi grumbled, strumming louder.

"Apparently, one of us fucking has to!" Grimmjow raised his voice of the music, "We have to figure something out besides me and her being fugitives and you being a goddamn sacrificial lamb!"

"What do you think I am doing!?" Hisagi raged back, melody cut short, "All I do is think and plan and I don't know what to do! Please, if you have something amazing to add, I'm all ears but for right now I just- I just need to stop for a minute."

With a snort, Grimmjow walked out of the cell running his hand through his messy hair in frustration. Rough notes followed his as he stalked down the hall, pausing where he saw Mara crouched against the wall.

"How much did you hear?" he asked lowly.

"Enough," Mara said, worry etching her features, "Is he really-?"

"Yup," Grimmjow answered her unfinished question.

He watched as Mara stared at the open cell door, brow furrowed and lips pursed. She seemed hesitant, fearful to approach. "It's my fault," she whispered almost to herself.

"It's no one's fault," Grimmjow rebutted, reaching out to pull her up and face her toward the door. "You however may have a chance of making it better," he said, pushing her toward the door, "Don't be a coward, Yume."

"What if I can't?" she rasped.

"Can't be any worse than me," Grimmjow quipped before continuing on his way.

Taking a deep breath to fortify herself, Mara turned into the cell to be greeted by the familiar sight of Hisagi curled over the old guitar. His haori was haphazardly thrown behind him. His brow was furrowed in concentration. It seemed too normal a pose for the stress he was under. Unlike normal, he didn't look up in greeting. He didn't even seem to register that someone was there.

Silently, Mara walked in to settle herself on the other end of the futon. Curling her legs up underneath her, Mara simply watched him in silence. The play of his taut muscles and how quickly his long fingers moved over the strings was captivating, but it was his eyes that held her attention. He was scarily focused on nothing. It was like his body was moving while his mind whirled somewhere else.

"Did you have something to say, Koi?" he asked, fingers gentling on the strings even as his voice was still rough.

"He's right, you know," Mara answered gently, "I don't like your plan."

"Do you not remember that it's rude to eavesdrop?" Hisagi ground out, turning back to his playing.

"I wasn't eavesdropping," Mara explained, "I did nothing to conceal my spiritual pressure. You knew I was there."

"Semantics," he answered shortly, before going back to playing softly, leaving her to look on in silence.

"There still has to be another way, Shuu," she whispered, "Something that we can plan for or…"

"There's nothing!" Hisagi finally answered, cutting her off with his raised voice and vicious strumming before smacking his hand against the strings to plunge them into an oppressive silence.

"They didn't even send a notice here," he continued in a pained voice, "I don't even know what charges we are being brought up on. Abarai's summons didn't have details since they are trying him too. There is no planning when there is no idea what is happening."

"So you want me to run," Mara finished for him.

"If that's what it comes to," Hisagi ground out, trying to find his fingering on the strings again, "yes. I want you to run."

Mara watched on again in silence- waiting. She didn't know what for until Hisagi's pained voice permeated the notes, barely reaching her in it's lowness. "I don't know what else to do, Koibito," he practically whispered, "People I thought were my friends are my enemies. None of them know, none of them want to know… none of them care."

Hisagi's stomach emitted a sharp pang at the thought and feelings of betrayal that assaulted him, causing him to trip over the notes of the song. Setting the guitar aside with a huff, he buried his face in his hands, resting his elbows on his knees. Music was where he had always been able to retreat to. The burdens of the day could be washed away by creating perfection. But not today. Today, nothing was going right.

Ever keen, Mara watched as Hisagi stayed locked inside his own head. She knew that Hisagi retreated to his music when he was at the brink, when he had things to think through and workout. Never had she seen him abandon it to wallow. It gave him…

Slowly, Mara eased toward him. "Everything is out of control," she stated softly.

Hisagi nodded in silent assent. Raising his head to sit on his fists, he cast an accusing look at the guitar beside him. Even the music was out of his control.

"You don't do well when things are out of control," Mara continued.

"No," Hisagi said lowly. She was right, wasn't she? After he had let Tosen's festering betrayal escape him, something had snapped. He had been thrown for such a loop that he didn't know how to handle them now. That's why he retreated with his guitar, wasn't it? It made the world make sense again. Not just the music, but the fact that he was making it. That he could change it and mold it.

"So, take control, Otto," Mara said simply, "let it even you out."

Finally looking over at her, Hisagi let out a small snort. "Even the guitar won't listen to me," he said sarcastically, "so how do you propose I do that?"

Heat rose in Mara's cheeks as she met his gaze, but nothing would hold her back now. He needed this and she could at least give it. "Last I checked, there were two of us in this room," she stated firmly.

"Right," Hisagi drawled, unable to help his low chuckle, "The control freak and the girl who is notorious for believing that rules are really just suggestions."

Mara didn't move a muscle as Hisagi looked at her incredulously. He wasn't wrong. She always rebelled. In her mind, stop was just another word for try harder. Not tonight though, she thought, meeting his gaze in a challenge. Tonight, she would give him what he needed.

"How would that work, Koi?" he asked, "I say jump and you just jump? That's not-"

Cutting him off with action, Mara immediately rose to her feet and gave a little hop in front of him. Raising an eyebrow at him, Mara waited for him to continue.

"Turn in a circle," he said incredulously, testing her resolve with a silly request.

With a small smile, Mara spun herself in a circle in front of him. "I can listen," she assured him softly.

Standing slowly, Hisagi stood over her, heat and curiosity a mix on his features. Gently, he raised his hand to drag calloused fingers down the soft column of her neck. He could feel her pulse pick up and the small chill his touch left rush through her but she didn't move.

Narrowing his eyes, he decided to test her boundaries. "You can always say stop," he whispered in her ear before standing back up, "Bakoudo-"

"You don't need that," Mara said surely, moving to place her arms behind her back, lacing her fingers to remind herself to keep them there. "You are in control, Shuu. I trust you, and I'll listen."

Hisagi's face was a mask of shock as he took her in, standing there perfectly still as she waited on him, held by nothing but respect for him. It was a rush to see her giving into him, trusting him. Without preamble, Hisagi stepped back to her, tilting her head up and capturing her lips in one swift movement. Even as a soft moan built in her throat, she didn't move from how the kido would have held her.

"You are playing a dangerous game with me right now, Mara," He groaned out as he broke the kiss.

"It feels more like dancing in the rain," Mara said softly before he reclaimed her lips.

Tracing his hands up her sides before pulling her to him, Hisagi could feel something inside of him give way. With all the force of a dam breaking, Hisagi's emotions seemed to spill out of him. The frustration at their situation. The fear that he would lose her. Even the fear that she would leave after feeling rietsu spike when she was with Abarai. All of it came crashing through in his tight hold and punishing kiss.

His teeth gnashed against hers, tongue plundering her depths, as he backed her up to the wall. True to her word, Mara didn't release her hands from each other, even as she hit the wall. His hips ground into her in contrast to his hands gently cradling her jaw.

She was intoxicating. She was headstrong. She was listening to him. The mix was heady and overwhelming; it made the rush even more addictive. "Don't move," he commanded softly into her ear as he drifted his hands over her breasts then down to the ties on her shirt, pulling lightly so that it fell open to her sides.

True to her word, Mara didn't move an inch, didn't flinch even as he brought his hands back up to tweak her nipples and to bite her neck before withdrawing to gently suckle and smooth the sensitive skin he had aroused. Mara gasped at the play of sensations as he traced his fingers over her scars and the tattoos exposed on her ribs by the short undershirt.

"Are you ok?" he asked her gently, pulling away to look into her eyes.

"Yes," she answered breathily, "I always am with you."

The trust in her eyes and her utter willingness moved something else in Hisagi. She loved him. She was giving him the only thing she could and sure enough it seemed to be evening him out. "Touch me back," he whispered against her lips before kissing her sweetly and deeply again, savoring the taste of her, the feel of her. He groaned in pleasure at the feel of her fingers raking through his hair. He reveled in the feel of her cupping his jaw and pulling him closer like she cherished him as much as he did her.

"I don't want it to be like this, Koi. I don't want a jail cell and I don't want fear to drive desperation," he murmured, still unable to completely withdraw from her, "You're too precious to me for that."

"That is up to you, too, Shuu," she assured him before pulling him back by his lapel to kiss her again. Running her hands up his taught chest, she couldn't help the whimper that escaped her at the pressure of him against her. His hands, his hips, his insistent mouth- she found herself happily drowning in him again.

"Say it," he demanded between kisses.

"I love you, Otto," she murmured back, proving that she again could sense what he needed, "I love you."

Finally pulling away with a shuddering breath, Hisagi raised a hand to swipe the stray strands of vibrant hair from Mara's face. Taking in her flushed face and swollen lips, he couldn't help the small, satisfied grin that spread across his face.

"I love you, too, Koibito," he said softly, before his face sobered, "And I know you don't like my plan, but it's all I've got right now. I need to know you'll be safe. You're my everything."

"Shuu…" Mara began but he cut her off quickly.

"I need you to listen like you did tonight. Please," he pleaded with a heartbreaking earnesty, "If I tell you to run, I need you to run. I need you to promise me."

Mara's lips thinned in displeasure, but she didn't deny his request. How could she when he explained it like that? When he looked at her like that? "Do you promise that you'll do everything in your power to keep it from coming to that?"

"Yes," he answered seriously, eyes hard and unyielding.

"Then I'll listen," she said softly, cupping his cheek, "I promise that I'll run."

.

.

"You?" Grimmjow asked in an incredulous whisper as Hisagi stepped away to speak to Ukitake, "You promised to listen to him?"

"Yeees," Mara answered back slowly, eyes scanning the room as new arrivals poured in. They had arrived early for the hearing at her request to sense the mood of the room. _So far so good_, she thought to herself, but at this point the crowd was thin on her known opposers. Even the ever-critical Hitsuguya seemed quite mellow and almost confused by the turn of events that had drawn them here, and his lieutenant seemed almost chipper. A small smile played the edges of her cupid's bow lips on her enviously beautiful face. Strange that a hearing would make her seem so happy, Mara mused to herself before Grimmjow's snort cut her thoughts off.

"You are really going to run and leave him behind?" Grimmjow growled lowly. He didn't want to admit that it upset him. He shouldn't care. Hisagi was a shinigami! One of THEM! As per usual, Grimmjow failed at hiding his feelings and Mara gave him a narrow-eyed glare.

"Really?" she asked sarcastically, earning her a pointed look back. "No," she said with a sigh, "I promised to run. I am relying on you to drag him out with us."

"And if I can't?" Grimmjow challenged.

Turning to face him head on, Mara met his glare. "You run away without him and I'll kill you in your sleep," she stated with a completely straight face causing Grimmjow to hide his smile behind his hand.

"That's my girl," he mumbled, shoving his hand back in his pocket and resuming his stoic sentinel duty.

Hisagi shook his head and shrugged his shoulders as he strode back up. Still no information. It seemed like everyone was out of the loop with this. Everyone looked as confused and annoyed as they felt. Everyone except…

With a bang, the entry door flew open, allowing the opposition in. The room seemed to darken as the oppressive combativeness hung in the air. Mara forced herself to watch stoically as she was met by glares from Komamura and Soi-fon, derision from Mayuri and Byakuya, and a disconcerting curiosity from Kenpachi. Bringing up the end of the precession was Renji who threw her an enigmatic smile.

Oh god. It looked like he had something planned of his own. With no more information than they themselves had, however, she couldn't fathom what he could have up his sleeve. No doubt something reckless. Mara sighed as she turned to face the front of the room where the head captain had appeared, banging his cane for attention.

"Captain Hisagi Shuuhei, Lieutenant Abarai Renji, and Oliviera Mara!" He called out in order, "You are here today in answer for your crimes and to receive just and immediate discipline in kind."

_Just? Right. You didn't even leave possible innocence as an option, _Mara thought, barely reigning in a snort at his obvious wording. _This is going to be nothing but an elaborate sham._

Her thoughts were confirmed as Head Captain turned his penetrating stare on each of them in turn. "Before we begin," he rasped, "would you like to say anything in defense of yourself?"

Mara's mouth fell open in shock. Defend themselves? They didn't even know what they were supposed to defend from! A bubbling anger simmered in her but Hisagi beat her to the punch.

"We weren't notified of charges," he said in a deceivingly calm voice, "One cannot be expected to defend when one doesn't know the offense."

"Ha!" Soi Fon guffawed form the side, "You mean you can't-"

She was cut off by another bang of the stick and a glare of the head captain who quickly regained order. "It does you no good to paint this meeting in a bad light, Captain Hisagi, when it was your own charge that made a mockery of it last time," Yamamoto scolded, "The basis of charges was in the summons."

"Which we did not even receive," Hisagi retorted coolly, earning concerned looks from the allies.

"The summonses were sent to all," Yamamoto growled assuredly, "Perhaps you are not training your entire squad properly, as well, if they were unable to get you a simple message."

Though Hisagi's gray eyes blazed into liquid metal, he pursed his lips to remain silent as Yamamoto began reading out the charges. Mara ran her fingers gently over the inside of his palm, trying to sooth him. Renji's seemed straightforward and Hisagi only had one charge. Mara was hopeful. Although she didn't understand fully how punishments were meted out here, it seemed promising.

Until he began to read hers. The list just kept going, for everything from being disrespectful to "evading disciplinary protocols" which they made out to be tantamount to treason. Mara stood still, trying not to shake, as her count reached seven total charges. Now she really wished she had read some law books when Hisagi had been teaching her. Maybe then she would know what was to come. The numbers definitely weren't in her favor.

She could feel the worry like an electric jolt as Hisagi gripped her hand back hard even as his face gave away nothing. Renji mirrored the same stone look and Mara schooled her features to match. No weakness here. She had to be hard.

"The sentencing is as follows," Yamamoto began, and Mara couldn't help but gasp.

"Don't we-" she started before Hisagi squeezed her hand, reminding her to be quiet. She did not need to worry about making her point, however, as Renji continued for her.

"What is this that we do not even get to defend ourselves?" Renji asked venomously, causing the old man to raise his eyes to him at his tone.

"Abarai Renji, you will respect these proceedings," he commanded, "There were witnesses to all events and they stand around you. There is no defense that is not false."

Renji pursed his lips, unable to argue, only for Hisagi to cut in. "In these chambers, there is no arguing with the fact that these actions occurred," Hisagi began calmly, "But there is more to their nature. Also, charges have been levied against Mara for things that did not occur in these chambers to be obviously witnessed. They are speculation at best. We are to have the right to speak about them."

"You have the rights that I and your fellow captains determine," Yamamoto informed Hisagi imperiously. "As I said there were witnesses to ALL events."

"Someone saw Mara messing with her cuff and trying to get it off?" Hisagi pressed.

"There was distinct interference with her monitoring equipment just two days ago," Mayuri's nasal voice rang out as he stepped forward, "Nemu has the documentation that it was not transmitting properly."

Mara stiffened imperceptibly. The cave. Hisagi squeezed her hand in reassurance, about to launch back in when Renji spoke up.

"So…" He said slowly, "a report is your witness?"

"The report is proof," Mayuri said smugly.

"No," Hisagi added, "the report is a report saying that it wasn't working. That could have just as easily been a problem with your equipment."

Mara could see heat enter Mayuri's golden eyes. This may just work to at least negate one of her charges. Possibly the most serious.

"My equipment doesn't have problems," Mayuri screeched, levelling a bony white finger at Mara, "She had to have done something to interfere with it!"

Running his large hand over his face, Renji hid his grin at the mad scientist's rage. "Mara, yesterday you didn't remember how to tie the shoes you are wearing," he said seriously even as the smile played in his eyes, "Would you happen to remember how to use a screwdriver?"

Mara looked up at Renji in very real confusion. "A what?"

"Exactly," Hisagi said before looking back at Yamamoto, ignoring the fuming captain of the 12th completely, "Head Captain, she has no knowledge of even how to use the tools needed to interfere with this cuff so how can you hold her accountable for it messing up when it could have just as well been a mechanical issue."

Yamamoto made no answer, instead turning his gaze to Soi Fon who stepped forward. "We have an eyewitness to her going into a mine- a known location to block both spiritual power and transmissions," she said with a self-satisfied smile.

"Head Captain," Renji said in a conciliatory tone, "Mara knows about as much about Soul Society locations as she does about screwdrivers."

"She was escorted by Captain Hisagi's other problematic ward, the espada," Soi Fon sneered, "and he is, I'm sure, well aware of the hiding spots in this realm."

"The fact that they were together was confirmed due to transmission errors from his cuffs at the same time," Mayuri added, stepping in, "I equipped them with both suppression and monitoring. It is NOT my equipment."

Hisagi narrowed his eyes at Soi Fon. "You had a spy on my divisions territory?" he hissed.

"The nature of the witness is not what is on trial today," Yamamoto said with another heavy thump of his cane, "As you can see, we have proof of all charges and no argument raised shall be able to stand in the face of it."

Mara's hope faded as the head captain snapped open a new scroll, commentary clearly over with no adjustments made. This wasn't a trial, this was theater used to deliver punishment. Mara could feel her anger rise as Yamamoto cleared his throat and began the sentencing.

"Captain Hisagi Shuuhei, you are sentenced to the Central Great Underground Prison, First Level, for the period of 1 month. You will relinquish your haori and zanpakuto immediately following this sentencing."

"What about my division?" Hisagi cut in.

"Lieutenant Abarai Renji," Yamamoto continued, ignoring him, "You are sentenced to the Central Great Underground Prison, First Level, for the period of 2 months. You will relinquish your badge and zanpakuto immediately following this sentencing."

"Head Captain," Byakuya began, "What am I-"

Cutting him off with a look, Yamamoto continued, "Oliviera Mara, you are sentenced to Central Great Underground Prison, Second Level, for the period of 7 months. You will go quietly immediately following this sentencing."

"No…", Grimmjow whispered behind her, as Hisagi's hand shook in hers and Renji inhaled sharply. Oh shit.

"Rank will be returned upon completion of the sentence," Yamamoto continued, "I trust you have someone that can fill in as lieutenant, Captain Kuchiki?"

"Yes, Byakuya began again, "although-"

"Good," Yamamoto growled with a nod, "Captain Hisagi, your Lieutenant will run your squad in your stead. During your incarceration, the espada, Grimmjow Jaegerjaques, will be remanded into the custody of Kurotsuchi Mayuri."

Many in the hall erupted into talking and arguing, but it was as if she was hearing it from underwater. Through a haze she saw Grimmjow press against the wall, eyes wide and skin pale. Hisagi seemed frozen, his grip on her hand tight and unmoving. Renji's eyes closed to the chaos as he seemed to try to be taking calming breaths.

With a bang of the cane, the room settled into silence again. "Does anyone have anything left to say about the proceedings?" Yamamoto asked the gathered crowd.

Silence.

This was going to happen. She was going to be sent away, to something terrible. Grimmjow was going to go to a monster to be picked apart again. Hisagi was going to lose control of his squad to…

"I do," a deep voice rumbled beside her. Renji.

"What could you possibly add now, Abarai?" Komamura growled impatiently.

Stepping forward, Renji panned his eyes accusingly around the room until they landed on the kindest of faces. "Ukitake, you know the law and the histories," he said lowly, "Is the rule of Third-Party Culpability Commutation still allowed?"

Mara watched as previously disinterested captains sat to attention. She saw stoic Byakuya hang his head. Even Hisagi, who had seemed too stunned to even give the order to run, focused his gaze warily on the unpredictable red-head. Whatever this was, it was big.

"A-Abarai," Ukitake stuttered, "we don't do that practice anymore. No one has done it in hundreds of years! It's-"

"Is it still legally binding?" Renji growled harshly, dropping his gaze from Ukitake's subtle flinch and sad gaze.

"Yes," Ukitake murmured, "Yes, it is."

"You think we are just going to let you…"

"It's barbaric, we can't…"

"But it is on the books…"

In the background the captains raged, but a silent look of communication was sent between two old friends. Hisagi and Renji met each other's eyes with determination and an imperceptible nod. It was just a split second that contained years of understanding one another and neither believed it had ever been more important than right then.

In tandem, both Hisagi and Renji raised their voices over the crowd. "I accept third party culpability for Oliviera Mara," they said in synchrony, "We understand and accept that this will commute both our punishment and hers into being served physically and publicly and will accept that shame."

Mara looked frantically between the two men trying to figure out what was going on when Hisagi stepped forward, ignoring her plea for his attention as she yanked on his hand. "What are you-?"

"I, Captain Hisagi Shuuhei, take responsibility for the actions of my ward and am guilty of ordering and preventing may of her charges," he said sternly, "It was under my direct order that she disturbed the peace on count number one when I told her to say what she needed and not hold back. It was on my direct order that she broke conduct rules regarding those of rank."

That wasn't… "That's not-," Mara started tugging on Hisagi's hand again, only for him to stand straighter, extricate himself from her grasp, and continue speaking over her.

"I was aware of her destination on the day that she and the espada visited the mine and that it could disrupt her monitoring. I chose to ignore that," Hisagi continued, "And I deliberately assigned a Lieutenant whom I knew the espada could outrun to get her away from view."

"Shuuhei!" Mara exclaimed, trying to tug him back, "What is going on? That's-"

Stopped in her tracks again, Hisagi stepped back to the sound of startled gasps around the room. Renji stepped forward blocking her from view. She cast a pleading glance back at Grimmjow, who's wide eyes and worried look practically screamed confusion back at her.

"I, Lieutenant Abarai Renji, take responsibility for the actions of Oliviera Mara at the last captains meeting by influencing her against her knowledge in instructing her in practices that she did not know," Renji called out over the din, "Regarding the second count of disturbing the peace, I-"

"Renji!" Mara practically screeched, "Shuu! What is-"

"MARA!" Renji barked, snapping her and the room to attention. He turned only his head to face her, not yielding his protective stance. "[I have never and will never get in the habit of ordering you around, Love]," he said more gently in English, earning wide eyed stares from the eerily silent room, "[but please, for the love of god, I really need you to not talk right now.]"

"[Why?]" Mara whispered.

"[I didn't answer your question last night]," Renji said with a frown, "[The answer was fear. Fear is why I stayed away. I don't have that fear now.]" Pausing briefly, Renji looked around the room, realizing that his time to explain was short. "[We are taking your sentence. It will be horrible, but you can't interfere. I won't let them take you, Ippin]," he finished in a desperate rush.

Before Renji could turn back, and under the awed stares of the gathered assembly, Mara's eyes glowed liquid amber. Her hair floated up in swirls of rietsu that sent papers scattering and lamps rocking. The play of the shadows in the room lent her a dark, ethereal quality as she focused on something no one could see.

**"You dumb bitch," a small, female shinigamo yelled at her, raising a snow white sword, "He's not going to let you do that. He is fighting for you! Don't bring dishonor by being weak. Run away and seal you rietsu-"**

**The woman's words were cut of as she dodged a blow from an opponent that came in in a blur. Turning quickly, she spun to land a solid blow on the creature sending it staggering. Meanwhile, Renji was futilely swiping at his attacker while holding her under his arm in an iron grip. Though he was blocking and hitting in kind, he was causing no real damage without being able to put his body behind his hits.**

**"I won't let them take you, Ippin," he said lowly, a desperate edge to his voice.**

**"Okay."**

"[Okay]," Mara said in a bare whisper, voice raw from the emotion of the memory. The terror had been palpable. The fear had weighed heavy. To everyone's amazement, the volatile girl stepped back and bowed her head in silence as the hall erupted into chaos.

Vaguely, Mara heard Hisagi explaining that it was a memory. She could hear the deep rumble of Renji's voice rolling over the din of confusion and complaints as he took responsibility for her actions. She, however, was trapped in her head as she tried to figure out what the memory had meant and what Renji had meant now.

He warned that it would be horrible. How horrible? They were taking her time but for a sentence to be commuted to physical…? What had she done? What were they doing? She could hear Mayuri screeching about losing his experiments. She could hear Ukitake's beleaguered pleas for lenience and Kenpachi's sigh of boredom, but they didn't register to her. All she could wonder was what kind of hell these people would rein down Hisagi and Renji. She was so engrossed in her thoughts and worries of what was to come, Mara physically jumped at the pounding of the cane. Her dark, flat eyes fell back to the head captain.

"Per our laws, her crimes assumed and alleviated, Oliviera Mara will suffer no further punishment," Yamamoto said tiredly, "The offenders, Captain Hisagi Shuuhei and Lieutenant Abarai Renji, have extended and commuted their sentences and shall serve their sentences immediately in the amount of 15 lashes per month of sentencing which shall amount to 75 lashes each."

Mara felt her knees get weak. Lashes. They were going to fucking whip them?! Swaying on her feet with both shock and anger. She wanted to scream and wail and throw shit at their goddamn heads… but she willed her mouth shut. She would be damned if she added more on their count. No matter her will-power, silent tears escaped her.

"I volunteer to issue punishment," a low voice came from the side.

Byakuya.

Mara swung her head to shoot a glare at the man whose face gave away nothing. _Backstabbing fucker._

"Correct me if I am wrong," Soi Fon said with a feigned innocence, "But doesn't the job of delivering lashes fall to the reigning Kenpachi?"

"You are correct," Yamamoto's gravelly voice rang out, "Captain Zaraki-"

"I don't wanna do that shit," Zaraki sneered, "Where's the fun in beating a man who's tied up and waiting for it? Let the little rich boy do it."

Mara could have cheered. At least it wasn't Zaraki-

"It is the law!" Yamamoto spat back, "You will."

"Fine," Zaraki said with a nod, "then let's get on with it. This is boring."

Damn.

"As per the law, also," Yamamoto continued, "Their wounds shall not be treated by the 4th division nor healed with kido for a period not to exceed 2 weeks." With a bang of his cane, Yamamoto ended the meeting, exiting the room for others to follow.

From seemingly out of the ether, guards appeared around the trio, grasping Hisagi and Renji by the arms to escort them out, only to be stopped by twin molten glares. Cupping her cheek gently, Hisagi bent to give Mara a chaste kiss. Renji moved toward her before pausing as he stopped himself. Without thinking, Mara moved into his arms, wrapping him in a close hug that he quickly returned.

When he straightened, he and Hisagi exchanged another understanding look and Mara was pushed backwards into Grimmjow.

"Don't interfere," Hisagi told her, command laced through his tone as he shrugged off his Haori and handed it to her. He flicked his hard look to Grimmjow, "Hold her back if you have to."

_Like I could fucking move if I wanted to,_ Mara thought despairingly. The warmth of Grimmjow's arm coming over her shoulder and the scent of rain from Hisagi's haori in her arms did nothing to calm her nerves. Lashes. Seventy-five goddamn lashes for taking responsibility for an avoidable situation.

Hisagi and Renji were led, surrounded by guards, out of the room but Mara could barely summon the gumption to keep standing, forget following them.

"Don't let them see you falter," Grimmjow whispered in her ear as he pulled her along, "They're watching."

Mara looked around at the glares and sorrowful glances spearheading their way to her. The pitying was annoying, but the glares were dangerous. She had let her guard down for this to happen. Too brash. Too sheltered. Too fucking weak. If nothing else, she had to be strong for them. She had to be better.

Squaring her shoulders, Mara swiped her tears away angrily and began to walk beside Grimmjow. They wouldn't break her. Now she just had to make sure they didn't break two of her men.


	44. Chapter 43: Damned If You Don't

New chapter is up. Beware blood and gore. I'll work on the next one as I can.

No direct song reference for this chapter but general soundtrack that I listened to for it is **Missio- Sing to Me** and **Fink- Fear is like Fire**

Stay safe out there, readers!

**Chapter 43**

Every step felt heavy, like climbing a mountain in lead-soled boots. The sun blared down as they made their way up the remains of Sokyuku Hill. This was where executions had been held in the past before Kurosaki had destroyed it, Mara had been told. Appropriate. This was definitely a moment of death as, with every labored step, she could feel her hope for this place die a little more.

It seemed too nice a day for this… this horror. As they passed, an entourage of curious shinigami onlookers had joined the parade. They weren't stopped as the powers-that-be seemed to want to shame their captives. Was there a single person who had been repulsed to see their own leaders surrounded by guards? Would they witness this as the atrocity it was, or would they see this as just? Worse still, was this just fleeting fancy, a chance at entertainment to them?

Looking up at the cloudless sky, Mara felt that even the shining sun was a malicious witness as it bore down on them. This place, gilded in beauty, was simply a different version of hell.

Horrors only seemed to increase as she reached the plateau to see a group of masked individuals affixing sturdy poles to the ground with some form of kido before wrapping ropes around several feet up. They were literally going to string them up.

If felt unreal. Even as she had climbed the myriad steps up, even though they just went through that obscene farce of a "trial", part of her had been in denial. Part of her had thought this couldn't actually happen. There, however, right in front of her eyes, was the evidence that this punishment was true.

Various people had tried interacting with her on the walk. Omaeda had shot concerned glanced her way but dared not move to her with his captain so close. Kyoraku and Ukitake had flanked her, explaining that this was highly unusual- this wasn't Seireitei's way. But it was their way, she recognized, regardless of if the rule was archaic or not. It was still on the books and they were clearly prepared to enact it.

A high-pitched roar of rage yanked Mara's eyes from the macabre scene. She could feel Grimmjow pull her back to his chest, his arm an iron bar across her shoulders and collarbones. To guard her or to restrain her, she wasn't sure. He didn't need to worry. She was too numb and overcome with worry to move. She also probably deserved whatever was coming to her.

"You!" the roar rang out again, revealing Matsumoto in terrifying glory. If she had been Aphrodite before, she was surely Athena now. Her eyes burned with ferocity; pretty lips curled into a snarl. "This is your fault!" she screamed at Mara.

Turning to face her with eerie calm, Mara looked over the enraged woman with an indifference that Matsumoto was unused to. Her stony countenance took the woman so off-guard that she almost missed Mara's whispered words. "I know," she said sorrowfully, turning away to face the proceedings again.

"You know?" Matsumoto gaped, reaching to grab the girl and spin her towards her, "I'll fucking kill you-"

"You touch her, and I'll rip your spine out, Tits," Grimmjow snarled, catching her hand with his free one.

Matsumoto was too incensed to even rise to the barb. "You little cunt!" she raged, "You think you can just-"

"Me thinks thou doth protest too much," Mara quoted as she remembered Matsumoto's cheeriness in the chambers. Though she simply flicked her gaze on Matsumoto, the weight of it was stifling. Watching closely, she could see Matsumoto's tells in the tiniest widening of her eyes. The guilt was written in just the smallest parting of her lips. But it was there.

Mara knew it.

Matsumoto knew it.

"Go look in a mirror," Mara said even more softly than before, "and leave me be."

Shaking with pent up rage that now had no outlet, Matsumoto stormed off. Mara didn't bother to see where. Her eyes were focused on the approaching group of guards and their quarry. Pride welled in her as she saw Renji and Hisagi's heads held high as the raked their piercing gazes over the crowd, practically daring them to cheer.

With a nonchalance that marveled those in attendance, Renji rolled his shoulders and ripped off his lieutenants' arm badge. Finding Mara in the crowd, he threw it in her direction for her to hold. _Make a statement much, Big Guy, _Mara couldn't help but think with a wan smile as Grimmjow deftly snatched it out of the air and handed it to her to hold. Folding it neatly, she laid it over Hisagi's haori and resumed her position of hugging the fabric tightly to her chest.

With an appreciative nod in her direction, Renji cast his eyes to Hisagi who was waiting patiently. Together, both shrugged off the shoulders of their shihakusho, letting them fall loose at their hips. The sunlight cast them in stark relief making them look even more fierce than they did in uniform. Light glinted off subtle scars on well-muscled bodies that seemed to flex in just the simple movement of walking up to the posts.

Despite the circumstances, Mara couldn't help but admire them. Hisagi's lean form spoke quiet strength, while Renji's wildcat tattoos made him appear downright feral even as he tied his hair up quickly into a familiar messy bun to keep it out of the way. Reaching up, both men placidly put their hands through the loops at the end of the ropes, pulling tightly to cinch them before gripping the rope itself for extra support.

Moving deliberately, Mara skirted the edge of the cleared space with Grimmjow in tow. Ignoring the glares and questioning looks, she planted herself directly opposite their position so that they could see her when they looked forward.

As the head captain began to read out the charges and sentence again for the new attendees and constantly growing crowd, Grimmjow leaned to whisper in Mara's ear. "You don't have to watch," he said softly remembering her reaction to his bout with Senbonzakura. He stroked his thumb comfortingly over her arm where her held her.

"Yes, I do," she responded, hollow but sure, "They deserve for me to watch."

And watch she did. She watched as Kenpachi, looking suprememly bored and slightly annoyed, shed his own haori and walked into make-shift arena with a long and whicked looking whip.

She watched as Hisagi and Renji braced themselves and gripped the rope harder in preparation, their eyes deadening as they focused on something calming inside themselves.

She watched Ukitake's lieutenants flank him on either side to keep him standing under the stress of the situation.

She watched as Kyoraku lowered his hat over his eyes, as if shielding himself from the bloodshed.

She watched as Soi Fon met her eyes in a challenging look, a smirk playing on her lips.

She watched as no one tried to stop it.

With a vicious CRACK the whip snapped through the air down across Renji's back, causing him to jerk where he stood. His lips pulled back in a snarl but he didn't make a sound. His eyes didn't even search out hers as he dissociated back to a place where the pain wouldn't get to him.

A smattering of applause raked through the crowd only to be quelled by a wind of spiritual pressure silencing the weak masses from none other than Byakuya. Mara didn't bother to look, keeping her eyes locked on the proceedings.

Despite her attention, she couldn't help but jump at the next loud crack of the whip that came down across Hisagi. Grimmjow's arm tightened around her as she watched her captain. He was so deep in his mind that, while his body jerked in involuntary response, his face didn't so much as flinch.

_One. _Mara began counting along in her head, horrified by how far away 75 seemed to be.

Over and over again the whip cracked and Mara counted. Renji on the down stroke, Hisagi on the up. It kept going as blood splattered the ground in flecked circles around them.

At 20, Mara's knees had begun to shake and give out, and she realized that Grimmjow's hold on her had been for neither restraint or guarding or even comfort. He was holding her up. He was making sure they didn't see her falter.

At 30, Renji finally lost the ability to drown it out. He let out a roar of anguish as Kenpachi laid a stroke directly in the path of one before causing a massive spill of blood from the furrowed flesh. The crowd cheered but Mara was too focused on the men in front of her to acknowledge it.

In desperation, Renji's eyes shot to hers. If she hadn't been being bodily supported, that look would have brought her to the ground. Tears that she had thought herself too numb to shed poured down her face and all she could do was mouth "I'm sorry" over and over again in hopes that he would understand.

His sad eyes calmed as he understood, answering her with a shake of his head. _I will always protect you, Ippin,_ he thought at her. Gritting his teeth, Renji raised himself back up from leaning on the post in time to hear Hisagi's strike and brace for his own.

It only took a few more of Kenpachi's punishing blows to uproot Hisagi from his enforced stupor with a scream. His eyes immediately flew to Mara's with a familiar desperation but as soon as he saw her, he calmed and raised himself from the post, taking the pressure off of his wrists.

Once roused, the men couldn't seem to sink back into their minds and Mara dutifully met every desperate look. She stayed heartbreakingly silent to not cause more trouble as the men's grunts, pants, and growls of pain echoes across the still audience.

After Byakuya killed their fun, and when they saw that Hisagi and Renji were not easy targets, many of the assembled shinigami had begun to drift away. The respectful ones had stayed until the cracks of the whip had begun to be followed by wet, squelching sounds that turned the stomach of all in attendance. Some held out though, Mara realized, honing her senses to try to determine the size of the crowd. It was a mixed bag of curious new arrivals, staunch supporters, and noisy detractors who had begun trying to cheer again now that Hisagi and Renji were audibly breaking.

The loudest cheer rose when, at strike 42, Hisagi's legs gave out and he fell against the post. The bang of the post was almost enough to drown out the sharp pop, but not the residual scream, as his shoulder dislocated as he fell. His eyes were exhausted as he met Mara's worried gaze and she couldn't help but pull against Grimmjow's fast hold to try to go to him.

"Get up," Renji panted at him between labored breaths, "Come on, old friend, we aren't done yet. Get up!"

Closing his eyes and gritting his teeth, Hisagi gave a brief nod before pulling himself up to shaky legs with his good arm.

"I'm up. I'm up," he panted at Renji next to him who gave an affirmative nod just as Kenpachi's strike landed across him again.

Hisagi only had three more strikes left in him as his legs gave out from under him again, pulling his disjointed shoulder impossibly again. He didn't even scream. He was too far gone to try to pull himself up and the effort only resulted in coughing up blood

"Come… on," Renji croaked at him, moments away from faltering himself. "Come on, brother," he urged, swaying in his holds with the effort to try to look at Hisagi, but it was no use. Hisagi's head slumped.

Another crack from Kenpachi's swing landed across Renji's back as Zaraki waited for Hisagi to rise again. When he didn't, he aimed the strike at his prone form that just swayed with the impact.

"What… what are they doing?" Mara asked breathlessly, pulling again against Grimmjow's unyielding hold on her.

CRACK! CRACK!

"Stop!" she cried out, "He can't take anymore!"

CRACK! CRACK!

"You're going to kill him!" she screamed.

Eyes turned to Mara as the press of rietsu became an audible rushing wind around the girl where the espada held her motionless. She wasn't even aware that it was gathering around her as her mind became just flashes of moments. Renji looking up at her with loving eyes and touching her to comfort her despite risk of death. Of Hisagi training her, of losing himself in her, of bringing her the rain she craved.

"Koi…"

It was barely a rasp, but it drew Mara's attention like a moth to a flame. His eyes found hers despite that they could barely stay open. It was just a look but she could read it like a book. He was warning her that he could do no more. The next order would be…

"Give his to me, Zaraki," Renji croaked, struggling to push up from where he leaned on the pole.

"Eh?" Zaraki gruffly questioned, mouth downturning, "You trying to die today, Abarai?"

"I always did believe in facing things one on one," he gasped managing a ghost of a smile.

With a shrug of his large shoulders, Zaraki set the lash across Renji again in five vicious snaps in quick succession before Renji jolted still, legs falling out from under him.

"He can't do that!" Soi Fon called out over the open space

Walking up to the prone forms hanging in front of their posts, Zaraki poked both with the butt of the whip handle. "Don't matter," he called back, "They're both done for anyway."

_No. No no no no no… _Mara couldn't think, couldn't breathe. She was hyperventilating. All she could hear in her head was Hisagi's promise to do all he could and her promise in return. He had done everything he could. He was going to die for her. This gentle man with a storm in his eyes was going to be washed away.

And Renji… long-suffering and fierce. He was going to disappear with a whimper that was utterly unacceptable to the roar that should accompany him. She watched him as his piercing brown eyes traced her tear-soaked face before they began to fade and dull. "Ippin," he mouthed with heart-breaking weakness.

Hisagi's eyes barely opened as he looked at her again, unable to move or focus.

"He wants us to run," Mara, pulling from her haze, gasped so softly that only Grimmjow could hear.

"Yeah," Grimmjow answered, arm tightening around her.

"I promised," she sobbed, "Why did I promise!?"

"You only promised if he fulfilled his end," Grimmjow clarified in a snarl.

"Look at him," Mara could barely choke out the words, "Look what they did to him! I would say he held up his end."

With a sigh, Grimmjow moved his hand up to roughly capture Mara's jaw. Tilting her head toward him, he planted a hard but sweet kiss on her trembling lips. "No, he hasn't," Grimmjow said thickly, "He still has one tool left to use."

"Wha-what?" Mara gasped in confusion but Grimmjow gave her no time to get her bearings. Spinning her behind him quickly, he shoved her into an unexpected pair of arms.

"Me," he told her forcefully before addressing her new captor. "Ikkaku," he said with a growl, "Hold her back."

At Ikkaku's quirked brow, Grimmjow's mouth thinned into a line. "I'm serious," he told the bald man, "It may get harder than you think."

With a nod, Ikkaku brough his sword in scabbard up to cross Mara's chest where Grimmjow's arm had been. "Sorry, Mara-chan," he said softly, "I had higher hopes for our next meeting."

"What is he doing?" Mara demanded, ignoring Ikakku's attempt at congeniality.

"Beautiful girl," Yumichika's impossibly smooth voice rang out next to her as he slid arm around her waist as another level of protection, "The king is shedding his crown."

"That answers nothing," Mara muttered as she followed Grimmjow's stride with wide eyes.

Assuming his usual nonchalant yet predatory stride, Grimmjow strode out into the whipping circle, eyes locked on the creepy face and wild eyes of the captain of the 12th. The law was on his side but that was the one he had to manipulate to pull this off; to protect her.

"Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez!" the head captain roared, "What do you think you are doing?"

"I am here to assume my place in taking the remaining punishment for Captain Hisagi and Lieutenant Abarai," Grimmjow said airily, as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

_Too slick, _Mara realized, _too calm. What they hell are you doing, Grimm?_

"And why do you think you would be able to do that?" Soi Fon asked haughtily, "They failed to complete their punishment so they will be left to heal on their own and the ryoka will be taken into custody!"

The muscles in Grimmjow's jaw ticked. He hated when they called his Yume that, like she was dirty, unwanted, lesser. She was a queen, even if her king had to be… "I'm a POW and a slave," Grimmjow said without preamble, "According to your own laws that govern the role of slaves, I am eligible to take Hisagi's- my master's- place and, under his orders, eligible to take the place of his friend, also."

Mara's jaw dropped as Grimmjow's words hit her. The king was casting off his crown indeed. He was marking himself a slave to save them all.

"Ha!" Komamura scoffed, "Slavery has not been practiced here in thousands of years!"

"Indeed," Mayuri agreed, "And we had thought Abarai was reaching far back."

Hitsuguya shook his head as he tried to process this turn of events. "We can't acknowledge one law and ignore others," he stated plainly, cutting to the chase, "Ukitake, does such a law even exist?"

"It does," Ukitake answered solemnly.

"And it was never repealed," Grimmjow said with a grin, earning strange looks. "What? I can read, too," he snarked.

"But you are not a slave and ineligible," Yamamoto declared. Raising his cane to pound the signal to end the discussion he was interrupted by a smooth voice.

"Grimmjow," Byakuya led in, "Are you here in Seireitei by choice?"

"Of course he isn't, Captain Kuchiki," Komamura scolded, "There is no argument as to his status as a prisoner of war."

"But I think there is," Byakuya replied in a deceivingly monotonus tone. "Grimmjow." He began again turning to the espada, who was catching on quickly, "Did you have any say in being removed from Captain Kurotsuchi's… care… before being taken by Captain Hisagi and put to work."

"No, Captain Kuchiki," Grimmjow responded politely, painting on a look of confusion.

"And did you get a choice in what work you were going to be doing?" Byakuya asked.

"Not at all," Grimmjow answered.

"Are you paid for your work?" Byakuya asked, eyes narrowing.

"No," Grimmjow replied with a smirk, "I am only given what I need when I need it."

Byakuya nearly smirked. The espada may not be the mindless monster they had all thought. "Lastly," Byakuya added, "Are you kept in a cell or in chains in times other than those of punishment by Captain Hisagi or this council of captains?"

"I haven't been chained up in a cell since I was with Captain Kurotsuchi," Grimmjow answered somberly though his eyes were alight. Who would have thought it'd be Byakuya that would see this through?

"By the rules of the Royal Houses, this hollow is a slave," Byakuya sniffed, "He ceased to be a prisoner of war when he was taken from Captain Kurotsuchi and his role changed."

"He was not taken from me!" Mayuri screeched in outrage at the pompous imbecile in front of him. How dare he make him sound weak, like he had lost to the waste of space on the pole. "I no longer had need of him! He was a POW then and a POW now!"

"It's a shame, Mayuri, that my not being eligible would lose you a chance to experiment," Grimmjow hissed, "You believed that I was incapable of loyalty. This would have been your chance to test it."

Mayuri's teeth snapped shut as he turned wide eyes at the espada. "Experiments mean you can't just say do this and watch until someone runs away. I am only interested in experiments that see the truth."

"Surely you of all people can think of a way to deduce it," Grimmjow prodded. He could see the wheels turning in Mayuri's head so hard that he was surprised steam wasn't coming out of his ears.

"Perhaps Captain Kuchiki is correct," Mayuri said slowly in his squeaking voice, "He was after all a prisoner until Captain Hisagi came for him and I turned him over with an understanding that he was Hisagi's problem- I mean, property, from then on."

"So, is he a slave, or isn't he?" grumbled Soi Fon, whose fingers were up and at the ready to give the signal to her men to swoop in for the arrest.

"He is according to the law," Kyoraku answered slowly, turning from talking with Ukitake, "He can take their place."

"So be it." Yamamoto said with a sigh.

With a bow of his head, Grimmjow turned to head toward the posts. Mara watched in stunned silence as Grimmjow shrugged of his jacket, baring his scarred flesh to the burgeoning crowd, and tossed it on the ground. With surprising care, he lifted Hisagi and disentangled his wrists from the ropes, wincing at the answering moan as Hisagi's arms fell to his sides limply.

"I gotcha, Cap," he murmured, as he lowered Hisagi to lay on his stomach on the ground, head on his discarded jacket.

He next freed Renji with the same amount of care, laying him next to Hisagi.

"Why are you helping us?" Renji choked out, causing the espada to stare down at him with unfathomable eyes and a frown.

"I'm not helping you," he answered, casting his eyes to Mara's face still full of confusion and apprehension.

Renji could tell where he was looking without being able to himself. Her mere presence was like a beacon. "Thank you," he whispered shortly before shutting his eyes. He got no answer from the surprisingly stoic espada. He didn't expect one.

Stepping to the post, Grimmjow wound his wrists in the ropes without fanfare, spreading his legs shoulder width apart to aid his balance. He didn't know if Zaraki's whip would manage to pierce his hierro, but he knew the hits would be hard. By his count, there were 51 strikes left. He should be able to do that. Taking a deep breath and preparing for impact, Grimmjow jolted as Mayuri's grating voice rolled over him.

"Wait!" Mayuri ordered caustically, "Nemu!"

"Yes, Mayuri-sama?" his demure lieutenant asked, stepping beside him.

"For experiments sake, we need to make sure that this is a true test," Mayuri said deliberately, "He should go through what his master went through."

"Yes, Mayuri-sama," Nemu said dutifully, walking up to the espada and producing two large stone manacles. "I must put these on you," she told Grimmjow, before bending and latching the cuffs around his ankles.

Mara inspected them as she put them on. White stone with glittery white rivulets that shone in the sun… She recognized that stone from the cave. Sekki-seki. They were utterly sealing his power. No hierro. No recovery.

Mara's eyes shot up to see Grimmjow's practically glowing in panic. This was not part that he had planned for. She wanted to run for him but Ikkaku's and Yumichika's holds were secure. She wanted to scream but she knew it would only make things worse. Meeting his eyes, Mara nodded in acknowledgement to what was going on. He would know that she wasn't going to leave him. Clutching the haori and badge, she met his eyes.

"Ha!" a voice rang out in the crowd, "Looks like the 'king' is finally being shown what he really is."

"All hail the king!" someone else mocked.

Though her blood was near boiling, Mara paid them no mind, instead keeping Grimmjow's gaze. "More than words, Makenai Hito," she said softly, knowing he heard her as his look calmed to one of peace.

As the crowd cheered to Kenpachi's entrance into the circle, Grimmjow took a deep breath and braced for the worst. Still he cracked a smile and looked over his shoulder at one of his favorite sparring buddies. "Oi! I'm bored," he told Zaraki, "let's get this over with fast, eh?"

With a bone-chilling smile, Zaraki raised the whip. "Me too," he said jovially before he began to rain down strikes almost as fast as Mara could count.

Cheers and whistles broke through the crowd as the whip cracked down on an utterly exposed Grimmjow. Stripped of his hierro, Grimmjow's skin split on the first blow but he still didn't utter a sound. Nor did he dissociate but with every strike his look became more feral and strained.

The largest cheer came when he finally fell against the post, gripping the wood so hard that his fingertips began to bleed.

"Make him scream!"

"Fucking hollow! Hit him harder!"

"Let me go," Mara ordered Ikkaku, earning only a grunt in return and a tightening of their hold. "Let me go!" she ordered again, straining against the two men.

"Outbursts detract from your beauty, Mara-chan," Yumichika said softly.

As if that was going to stop her! "I need-"

"To go to him, we know," Ikkaku said shortly, "but this is why he told us to hold you back. You can't."

"I'm not going to disturb this," Mara said softly, "I am capable of learning you know. But I need you to let me go or I WILL get loose, and it WILL be a disruption."

Circling her slightly, Yumichika looked in her eyes, seeing clarity and determination staring back at him. Nodding slightly, he released his hold on her.

"Thank you," Mara said softly as he stepped back.

"What are you doing?" Ikkaku asked, unyielding, "we promised-"

"Ikkaku," Yumichika said gently, "If you don't trust her, trust me."

With a deep sigh, Ikkaku dropped his hold and stepped back. "Fine," he grumbled before turning a penetrating stare at Mara, "but if you get in trouble, I'm not helping."

Before he could finish, Mara darted off, back to the front of the still growing crowd, lured by a chance to see an espada suffer. Shoving her way through, she pushed to the front, stepping a few feet out to stand in front of all of them. "Grimmjow!" she roared over the din, drawing his wild eyes to her. Standing as tall as she could manage, Mara wiped the tears of her cheeks and met his snarl with calm.

"They're watching," she mouthed to him.

Narrowing his eyes, Grimmjow tried to snap himself from the dark place in his mind that was pulling him in. The dark voice that told him to stand back up snapped to attention on the girl at the edge of the circle. She smelled like food. She looked like heaven… but those eyes… they sucked him in and back to the present.

The present was pain. He didn't want to be here but he couldn't escape her gaze.

"They're watching," she mouthed again, causing him to cast his eyes around. Shinigami. Fucking Shinigami. He looked back at the girl- God she was like a dream standing in front of the rabid crowd.

Dream.

Yume.

Finally snapping back to reality, Grimmjow raised himself to his full height. This time, his gaze didn't leave Mara's until strike 51 fell, taking him with it.

That was it for Mara; she had had all that she could take. Taking off with a flash step that seemed to grow out of nowhere, she zoomed to the center circle. Taking no notice of the blood and viscera under her feet, nor the wary foreboding silence, as she dropped to her knees next to Hisagi and Renji. Reacting on impulse alone, she checked their pulse to find faint but steady heart beats.

"Ip- Ippi-," Renji's garbled breath washed over her hand and she smoothed his hair back from his face where it had fallen loose from the tie.

"I'm here, Big Guy," she crooned gently.

"Ippin," he sighed out gently, "don't go."

"I just have to get things together," he whispered to him, "I won't let you go."

He was already passed back out before she had even finished speaking.

Running over to Grimmjow, she quickly did the same, finding him slightly stronger though just as surely unconscious. She tried desperately to reach the ties holding him but only succeeding in grazing her fingers against them. Fuck.

"The punishment has concluded," Yamamoto's voice rang out, startling Mara from her attempts to lower Grimmjow momentarily. "You all are to go back to work," he declared before turning and leaving the area in flash.

No one else moved.

_Assholes, _Mara thought angrily as she leapt again for Grimmjow's ropes- unsuccessfully. Twittering and giggles if not out-right laughs broke out at her attempts to scale the pole higher, joined by even a small snort from Soi Fon.

_That's it, _Mara thought tearfully, trying desperately to hide her tears. "Will no one help?!" she called out to the crowd, earning wide-eyed stares in return.

"Of course, they won't help!" Soi Fon mocked, "Who would want to help a ryoka and her hollow?"

Turning her ire on the captain, Mara allowed her eyes to turn molten. _When they say you can't do it, do it anyway, _she repeated in her head. "Fine," Mara responded, voice echoing with pent up power, "Then I'll do it myself."

Spinning quickly, Mara aimed a back-leg roundhouse kick directly at the middle of the pole, bursting it to splinters. Faster than sight, she shot under Grimmjow to slow the fall of the top of the post. It dragged her to her knees with its weight but she moved with its momentum, letting it pull her forward to cushion Grimmjow's head in her lap and brace his shoulders against the force that could dislocate them like Hisagi's.

Accompanied only by stunned silence, Mara reached to her sides to delicately untie the knots holding the espada's wrists. Gingerly, she extricated herself from under the espada, turning to face Soi Fon with a hard look.

"I need to get them off the field," Mara said, tension ringing her mouth.

"Well, no one is allowed to touch them," Soi Fon answered breezily, "So good luck."

"That is not true!" Mara said, the tenuous hold on her temper growing thinner than a thread. "They are not to be treated by the fourth, nor healed by kido," she repeated, "There was no order that they had to bleed out here! Are you just going to let them die like dogs in the dirt?!"

"They made their choice!" Soi Fon bit back harshly, teeth bared.

Seeing that the woman was hopeless, Mara panned the somber faces of the rest of the captains before turning to the crowd. "And you all!" she addressed them, "This is okay with you? You aren't going to help at all?"

Silence.

Drawing a shaky breath, Mara's pleading eyes hardened. "Cowards," she admonished them softly, "All of you."

"These men," she gestured at the flayed figures on the ground, "Are your captain, your lieutenant… Your teachers… Your FRIENDS! They stood up when no one else would and not one of you will stand up for them?"

"Do you still have any honor left?" she asked softly, turning her back on the crowd to walk back to her fallen men.

"HAI, MARA-SAMA!" a deep voice rang out.

Freezing in place, Mara turned slowly to see a bulky figure pushing up through the crowd. Her breath caught in her throat and she couldn't hold back the tearful smile as she saw who dared to come to her aid: Nomura.

"Why?" she choked out as he dropped into a deep bow in front of her.

"Things happen and feelings follow," Nomura quoted back to her, "Maybe the feeling that should change now is fear into courage and anger to compassion."

"Thank you," Mara said softly, bowing her head.

"You do not bow to us, Mara-sama," a high voice quipped. Mei bowed deeply before her instead. "Captain Hisagi saw fit to leave you in charge before, we see fit to follow you now."

"You come back here!" Hut-Hut's high pitched yell screeched across the plateau, "I am in charge here and you-"

Mara looked up to see that he was cut off mid-sentence by Riku's willowy figure looking down at him in silence with a menacing stare. Trapped by her wordless superiority, other members of Squad 9 began to spill out and form ranks behind Mara, awaiting her command.

"What are you doing?" Soi Fon yelled out at the incoming troops, "Get back!"

Summarily ignoring the irate captain, other shinigami, whom Mara did not recognize, began to follow suit and drift onto the field. One with beads in the front of his hair stopped to bow slightly to her. "Richiki," he said in answer to her curious look, "Where Lieutenant Abarai falls, I will always pick him up. Thank you."

Stunned speechless for a moment, Mara just looked at the small group gathered around her in wonder and gratefulness. This group alone gave her hope. "Okay," she said coughing to clear the crack in her voice, "split into groups and let's figure out how to carry these guys out of here."

"Where are we taking them?" Richiki asked.

"The 9th infirmary," Mara answered surely, earning a cutting look from Byakuya who had previously been watching with a practiced disinterest

"Abarai is from my squad," Byakuya said dourly, "He will go to the 6th."

"With all due respect, Captain Kuchiki," Mara emphasized his title, "He chose me. I will tend him."

Unsure how to react, Byakuya blinked in return. The little chit seemed to be ready for round two, albeit with a more appropriate tone, but she was taking ahold of his lieutenant which had been the end goal.

Taking his silence for acquiescence, Mara turned to help assess how best to lift the men's damaged bodies.

"A stretcher will be necessary," a sweet voice rang out that was new to Mara, "I have Isane bringing three already."

Mara turned to see Captain Unohana behind her, kindness shining from her face. She didn't believe that she had ever heard the woman speak before. "But… the 4th…"

"We are not allowed to treat them," Unohana said with a small smile, "but it seems you have hands here to do the work." Looking around at the assembled crowd, Unohana turned to Byakuya. "She will treat them in the 4th. It has better facilities and supplies for large wounds such as these and will be neutral territory for both of your squads."

Byakuya nodded silently but Soi Fon raged. Flash-stepping in front of Unohana, she actually sputtered before making words. "How dare you break the rules of the head captain?!" she screamed, "I will make sure-"

"I am breaking no rules, Captain Soi Fon," Unohana said in her trademark gentleness, staring the smaller woman down.

Watching the scene unfold, Mara was shocked to see Soi Fon's red face go white in the face of the other woman's gentle gaze. There was more to Unohana than met the eye, she decided, best to do as she says. "But- but…" the stricken captain sputtered.

"SOI FON," Another woman's deep voice rang out.

"Y- Yoruichi-sama!" Soi Fon declared whirling, immediately dropping to one knee.

Dropping to her feet with the grace of a cat, the purple haired woman seemingly descended from nowhere. Her eyes darted quickly, taking in the macabre and confused scene. "I see I should have come earlier, eh, Mara-chan?" she said to Mara, throwing her a wink.

"Um- ye- what?" Mara stuttered. It was the woman from the flyer! How, and why, was she here?

Slowly, Yoruichi's smile faded and a compassionate pity overwhelmed her features. "So, you don't remember," she said softly, "we tried to find a way to prevent that, but you were gone too soon."

"You tried to… help me?" Mara asked incredulously.

"Of course," Yoruichi replied flippantly, "We're your friends."

"But Yoruichi-sama," Soi Fon tried to cut in, "She-,"

"She is misunderstood," Yoruichi supplied, "Clearly."

Giving Mara an encouraging nod, she pulled Soi Fon up from her kneeling by her arm. "Handle this here, Mara-chan," she said beginning to walk off, "Soi Fon and I will address what has happened."

With a flash they were gone, just in time for Isane and a group of medics to run in with stretchers. Pairing off, they instructed the groups of untrained shinigami of how to lift and carry their charges without touching them themselves.

"It is nice to see things coming together, is it not?" Unohana said with a light smile, linking her hand through Mara's elbow and guiding her toward the tall steps, "Come. It is going to be a long night."

Setting her gaze at the stretchers in front of her, Mara's mouth set in a thin line and she gave a pensive nod. Indeed it was.


	45. Chapter 44: One Step Forward

Another one up! Please comment, favorite, etc. It boosts me and I haven't heard from you guys in a bit.

Song for the mood at the end of the chapter is less than a pearl by enya (that's right, i'm going way back). just a good song for the end feeling, even without lyrics. Anyways, enjoy

**Chapter 44**

"Mara-sama, where do we put them?"

"What do you need, Mara-sama?"

"How are we supposed to do anything when we don't know what to do!?

Mara braced herself against the wall. The room was spinning. She couldn't catch her breath. Ultimately, she didn't know what to do. With every step, more blood spilled onto the ground, coating every surface, coating her. This was too much. She couldn't do this.

"Let's take them to an operating suite," Unohana said gently, moving away to guide the incoming flow, "Is that alright, Mara-chan?"

Mara could do no more than nod numbly as she watched the retreating stretchers leaving blood drips down the hall.

"Mara-sama!" a voice called to her. Mei. She was shaking her shoulder. "Mara-sama!"

Turning bleary eyes on Mei, Mara tried to focus but all she saw were the bloody, torn bodies, lifted on stretchers and held by impatient people. Her mouth flapped as she tried for words, gasped for breath. This was like hyperventilating. Was she having a panic attack?

Watching Mara begin to break, Mei reacted quickly. She had known this moment had to come at some point, but did it have to be now? Roughly grabbing the collar of Mara's shirt, Mei dragged Mara to a side room, slamming the door behind them before turning to face the stricken woman.

"Get it together, Mara-sama, or I swear I will slap you!" She loudly whispered in Mara's face, happy that it brought Mara's wild eyes to her own.

"I don't know what to do," Mara confessed in a whispered sob.

"Captain Hisagi would not leave you in charge for no reason," Mei said confidently before Mara cut off her pep talk.

"But he didn't leave me in charge!" Mara argued, "That's Hut-hut's job not mine!"

Mei couldn't help the snort that escaped her. "Hut-hut? That's priceless!" she said, turning a too bright smile to her chosen leader in an effort to cheer her."

"For a while I called him Not-Mei," she confessed with a wan smile, "That didn't go well. Hut-hut the Horrible stuck. Regardless, he should be handling-"

"He shouldn't be handling shit!" Mei bit back before processing Mara's shocked look, "Sorry for that, but he shouldn't! He was trying to hold us back in the crowd. You saw him."

Nibbling her lip, Mara tried to remember the scene on the hill. It had only been 10 minutes before, but clarity came slowly, like waking from a dream. Hut-hut had yelled at them to come back. Riku, being the third seat by just a hair, had stared him down until he relented.

"He didn't care that our leaders were on the ground and suffering," Mei pressed, seeing Mara begin to nod along, "You cared! You stood up for them! You pled with our humanity and we answered because you are a leader. You can do this!"

"How will I know what to do?" she whispered softly back.

"We can research, we can ask," Mei listed off, "Captain Unohana seems willing to help as much as she is able by the confines of law. Just ask, Mara-sama, and it will be done."

Taking a shaky breath, Mara nodded and headed back out the door where Mei linked arms with her. Following the macabre trail to the room, Mara found helpers wheeling in IV stands already and the men about to be transferred for beds. Kira directed placement and was busy getting the beds dressed.

"This is before my time, Captain Unohana," he said distractedly as he monitored Hisagi's pulse before giving the ok to move him to a bed, "It's clear that they will need blood and fluids but beyond that…" He trailed off as he moved to give the clearance for Grimmjow to be moved.

"The rule of the 4th not intervenening in this punishment has always been there," Unohana said sadly, "We will have to consult the records."

The room began to fade around Mara's vision again and every eye turned to the unpredictable girl. But this was different, Mara could feel it.

**Voices. She could hear voices, see a body whipped laid on a table, and small, graceful fingers re-laying ripped flesh and mixing herbs and snow to pile up on his back.**

**Orders for hot water, herbs… snow. Mixing the herbs in the snow. A sigh of relief from the body underneath.**

Shaking her head Mara came right back out of it but the vision stayed. Surely this wasn't something she had done before but…

"Snow," she said softly, looking around the room, "I need snow."

"But- but it's not snowing, Mara-sama," May whispered with trepidation as she watched the amber flecks in Mara's eyes turn into a soft swirl.

The amber began to fade, replaced by hopelessness, when Mara heard another whisper.

"Shaved ice is like snow," Nomura said lowly, "Would that work?"

With a snap, Mara's rietsu was back like a gently moving current. "Yes," she said authoritatively, "and herbs. I need a book on herbs."

With a flick of her fingers, Unohana had sent a member of her squad to raid their library.

"Nomura," Mara ordered, "While we clean and dress the wounds, I need you and others to get shaved ice machines, at least one for each person."

His affirmative reply was lost to her as scenes from inside an ambulance overtook her. Moving, jostling… blood.

**"We've got to stop the bleeding! Grab the QuikClot!"**

**"But they'll have to reopen it to clean it!"**

**"Doesn't matter it will stop it now!"**

"Quikclot!" Mara commanded, earning a plethora of blank looks. "In the real world it is used in emergencies to stop bleeding and we have to stop theirs," she elaborated in desperation.

"I have clearance for the world of the living at any time," Kira said seriously, "but how will I buy it?"

"Riku, open the 9th treasury for Kira," Mara ordered the tall woman, receiving a silent nod, "Give some to Nomura and his crew too."

In a flash, five people disappeared from the room. "Which of you here have strong enough stomachs to clean the wounds and piece together what's left?" Mara asked seriously, glowing eyes panning the room.

"I was planning on going to the fourth before being recruited by Captain Hisagi," Mei said with her hand raised, "I can help."

Two other hands went up and Mara looked hard at them. "Scrub down," she ordered, "With no interference from the fourth, we need to treat this like we are handling humans. The rest of you- I need boiled water, bandages, rags, and lots of spare sheets."

"Captain Unohana, you know methods of healing here better than anyone else," she said respectfully but with all sense of trepidation gone from her tone, "Will you aid your subordinate in researching and gathering herbs to promote clotting, healing, pain relief, and with disinfectant and maybe even high reishi properties? I need as many as we can find."

"Yes, Mara-chan," Unohana said gently, "before I go, do you need instruction placing the IV's?"

**Oh my god, it hurt so fucking bad! Could this nurse not find a vein!? With a sharp pang, the training nurse withdrew the needle, a scowl of frustration on her face.**

**"I can't get it in!" she explained apologetically.**

**"Vein just blew anyways," Mara said with a long exhale to compose herself, "You're gonna have to run it in my ankle."**

**"But that hurts more," the nurse warned.**

**_Like you digging for gold in my arm didn't? _****she thought at the woman. "I know," she instead replied, lifting her leg up for the nurses view, "just keep it parallel with my calf while pushing down at the base. It's not my first rodeo."**

"No, I've got it," Mara said, eyes glowing brighter.

"Very well," Unohana nodded, leaving Mara to scrub down and be joined by her chosen helpers.

In full mask, gloves and robe to protect them from blood, Mei and the others watched as Mara ran an IV into Grimmjow's ankle with precision. "The treatment's on their backs could leak onto IV's run in their arms, so we will do it here," she explained, not looking up from her work, "We need to get them all run, sedated and on a blood transfusion. Once that's done, we will clean and fix their backs as best we can."

Standing, she moved over to Hisagi and prepped the IV to put in. "Let's get to work."

"Hai, Mara-sama."

.

.

"Where are they?" Byakuya asked brusquely, breezing up to the front counter of the 4th Divisions hospital.

The attendants weary gaze immediately snapped to attention at his somber face. "C-Captain Kuchiki!" he stammered, "Who- um- who are you…"

"You know who I am looking for," Byakuya droned monotonously even though his eyes narrowed, "Where. Are. They?"

"Captain Kuchiki, uh, Sir…," the attendee began again, fear now radiating from him, "I have to look people up and log in a visitor for all our patients. I need a minute."

"You have 30 seconds," came the brusque warning.

"Captain Kuchiki," Unohana's melodious voice carried through the room to him, "I do not approve abuse to my squad members."

Meeting the disconcertingly pleasant smile, Byakuya found himself shifting uncomfortably like a schoolboy. Unable to find his voice, he simply nodded in response.

"He is here to see Abarai Renji," she elaborated for her flustered worker, "Please notate that I am personally escorting him to assure the head captain's orders."

"Yes, Captain," the attendee nodded, rapidly scribbling in the logbook.

"Follow me, Captain Kuchiki," Unohana said sweetly, starting down a hallway.

"Is an escort necessary?" Byakuya asked her as he drew even with her stride.

"No," Unohana said lightly, "We have no doubts of your character, but better to cover all bases, yes?"

Turning down another hallway and bypassing more and more treatment and recovery rooms, Unohana turned to him with a small smile. "If nothing else it will keep you from getting lost. I have set them up in an operating room all together for ease."

"Who is treating them?" Byakuya asked with worry, "Surely you are not relying on the girl to perform surgery to repair their injuries?"

"Of course not," Unohana said with a sigh, "Though she is treating them on her own for the most part. She had help at first but…"

"But?" Byakuya urged her.

"Once the tasks she set were done a… change came over her for a while," Unohana explained. "A light rietsu filled the room and didn't abate. Her eyes were glowing amber like in the chamber."

"A memory," Byakuya supplied.

"Yes, but not like in the chamber," Unohana nodded as she stopped to grab Byakuya a sterile robe from the nurses' station, "We could interact with her and she would answer but it was like a singular focus on what to do and she brought up medications and treatments that we either don't know or would have to search out. Things I did not think she would know."

"She didn't elaborate on this knowledge, I assume?" Byakuya said, layering on the protective garb over his clothes.

"As I said, Captain Kuchiki," Unohana answered, "She would interact with us, but only on matters related to the tasks."

Tying the robe around his waist, Byakuya narrowed his eyes and looked around the operating wing. He could pick out the faint rietsu's of three of the four beings, but nothing heightened. "There is no rise now," he commented, "And where is the espada?"

"Hers disappeared about an hour ago, retreating back to normal," Unohana explained, "And Grimmjow's is missing as Captain Kurotsuchi has refused to remove the additional cuffs for the duration of the two weeks in the name of experimentation."

Receiving only a nod in answer, Unohana turned to leave. "Third door on your left captain," she said as she walked away, "Please call a nurse if you need help finding your way out. Mara-chan determines the visiting hours in that room as it is not under our control right now."

Not bothering to reply, Byakuya made his way down the hall. Stopping next door at the sound of whirring machines, Byakuya glanced in to see three shaved ice machines running against one wall. Strange.

Continuing on, he paused as the suite came into view. All three men were laid out on beds, arranged in a rectangle around the center of the room, with what appeared to be a pile of green snow on their backs. IV stands were at their feet, tube disappearing under thick blankets. The girl was perched on a stool at Renji's head with a bowl of steaming water that was rapidly turning pink.

He watched as she produced a towel, holding it under his dripping hair while she dumped the contents of the bowl down the drain in the center of the floor. Refilling the bowl with a warm kettle and the tap, Mara sat back down and produced a bottle of soap and began to lather it into Renji's hair until the bubbles were red before rinsing it in the bowl, pouring water gently over his long hair.

She kept repeating the process, Byakuya noticed, until the water ran clear. No sooner had she wrapped his hair in a clean towel, Byakuya heard a wet splat and a soft moan. Captain Hisagi.

Walking over to a chest freezer, another odd addition in an operating room, Mara pulled out a large bucket. It was obviously heavy as she struggled to waddle with it over to Hisagi's bed. She scooped out more of the odd green mixture and replaced the part that had fallen from his back to the sound of another soft moan.

Pausing in her work, Mara bent over to gently kiss the temple of the man. Running her fingers through his short hair, Byakuya could see her whisper something to him before righting herself to load the large bucket back into the freezer.

Resuming her seat on the stool, Mara unwrapped Renji's hair, smoothing a cream through it before rinsing it out with the remains of the kettle. This time she wrung it out directly onto the floor, after moving her stool. Picking up a squeegee, she pushed all the water from both him and Hisagi's fallen treatment into the drain.

As she moved the stool back, sitting down heavily, Byakuya finally noticed how exhausted she looked. She swiped her hand across her eyes which were ringed with dark shadows before combing through Renji's hair gently with her fingers. Finding a knot, she began to pluck it apart, strand by strand.

Weariness hadn't dulled her senses though as she raised her eyes to meet Byakuya's though the open doorway. "How long do you intend on standing there, Captain Kuchiki?" she asked softly.

"I was observing," Byakuya explained while summarily ignoring her question.

"Clearly," she said dryly, returning to picking out another knot from Renji's hair, "What do you want?"

Byakuya's brow furrowed as he looked down at the small woman. She seemed to have just been plodding along. She was moving, yes, but her eyes had lost their fire… until she saw him. She may have been at the end of her rope but now it appeared that it may have just been the beginning of a fuse. "I tried to be the one to render punishment," he said slowly.

"How magnanimous of you," Mara said with a small roll of her eyes, even though she realized by the end of the punishment that he was trying to lighten it in his own way. With a sigh, she flicked her eyes at Byakuya's proud face. "Do you expect me to thank you?"

"No," Byakuya answered. After watching her work on Renji's knotted hair in silence for a full minute, Byakuya finally sighed at the death of supposed peace talks. Reaching in the pocket of his uniform, Byakuya pulled out a comb and handed it to her.

Reaching for the comb, it was Mara's turn to look at him in confusion. "I didn't peg you as the type," she said sardonically, turning to begin coming through the long red locks.

"As royalty, I have to make sure that I never appear sloppy," Byakuya said walking to the foot of Renji's bed.

It wasn't a laugh, by any stretch of the imagination, but Byakuya felt himself oddly buoyed by the sharp exhale and small smile that his response earned. Lifting the corner of the blanket, he inspected the cleanly sealed IV inserted into a large vein in Renji's ankle.

"Put that down," Mara ordered without looking up from Renji's head, "they have to stay warm with the ice treatment."

"That's expertly placed," Byakuya commented, dropping the blanket, "Who did it?"

"I did," she replied wearily, "They are receiving no treatment from the fourth."

"I'm not accusing," Byakuya said, turning a frown on her, "I'm wondering how."

Still not looking up, Mara briefly stopped her combing to hold up her arm, flashing the medical alert tattoo. "I'm guessing I have experience with needles."

"And this?" Byakuya asked, taking a pinch of the green substance in his fingers only to have it melt away in seconds.

"Don't touch that either," Mara said with an annoyed look at him.

"What is it?" Byakuya asked, mimicking her look right back.

"Snow pack," Mara answered, dropping her eyes to get back to work.

"That does nothing to explain what it is or how you know about it."

"Captain Kuchiki," Mara said, dropping her hands to her lap with a sigh, "Are you really choosing now to interrogate me?"

"I am not interrogating you," Byakuya said as his frown grew deeper, "I am curious."

At her disbelieving look, he continued. "I am trying to help protect you, believe it or not, and to do that I need to be able to answer questions the other captains will ask while your normal protectors are… indisposed."

"With all due respect, Captain Kuchiki," Mara began.

"That means it will have none," Byakuya quipped, "Go on."

Mara couldn't help her tiny smile in the face of his version of levity. "You are not curious to protect me," she said boldly, "You are curious, but that isn't why."

"Maybe you care more about your lieutenant than you want people to know which is why you are here at 2 AM. Maybe you want to trap me like everyone else," Mara cocked her head to the side, narrowing her eyes as she inspected his perfect mask, "Maybe both. But why on earth do you people expect me to be honest and open with you, when you aren't with me?"

Byakuya's eyes widened a hair with shock. This was perhaps the most open statement he had ever heard from her. "The same could be said of you," he remarked softly.

"Not really," Mara said, "I told the truth, it just wasn't the truth everyone wanted… wasn't complete enough, I guess. Then as I gained knowledge, I didn't want to share it."

"Why not?"

"Would you?"

Byakuya paused in his slow walk around inspecting the room, this time with the freezer lid lifted as he looked at the buckets of 'snow pack'. "No, I suppose not," he answered, looking in the freezer.

"Shut that," Mara commanded again, "It will melt."

"Again," Byakuya lowered the lid quietly and decided to push his luck while she was being open, "what is this?"

"Again," Mara mimicked, "It's snow pack."

"You've said that," he reminded her.

"I'm beginning to think I've said enough," she murmured, "You are taking advantage of my exhaustion."

"That I am," Byakuya admitted, eyeing the various supplies from herbs to ointments to IV bags strewn on the counter and tables, "It is a rare chance to attempt to get honest answers."

Mara didn't deign to reply as she moved the comb through Renji's now clear hair, dividing it to braid it so that the wild strands would stay out of his wounds.

With a sigh, Byakuya finished the round of the room to stand over Renji again. "I care about my lieutenant like family," he told her seriously, "The crazy odd nephew of the least favorite sister, maybe, but family, nonetheless. I am curious about his care because I want to know if he will make it through."

Mara looked up at him startled. By god, the man could actually learn- honesty. "Snow pack is a blend of herbs that reduce bleeding, risk of infection, and promote healing, mixed with snow to sooth and numb. I have been putting it on them for the past 12 hours," Mara told him, trying to ease his concern, "I put it on them after knocking them out with sedatives through the IV, cleaning the wounds, and applying a medicine that Kira brought back from the world of the living called QuikClot to stop the bleeding."

"How did you know what to use?" he asked her, brows furrowed as he tried to follow along.

"I just… did," Mara said, nibbling her bottom lip as she focused on braiding, "I had to have some help with the herbs and making a new formula because things are different here, but most of it- the ideas, the real world meds- I just knew. They came to me in scenes but not like I had lived them."

"How does one just know?" Byakuya asked, carefully controlling his tone. He didn't want her to stop talking now.

"Have you ever had a word stuck on the tip of your tongue?" she asked him instead, tying off Renji's braid and leaning back to look in his eyes, "You know what you want to say, you know what it means, you may even know synonyms, but you can't think of that word to save your life. That is how I feel most of the time. Everything is there. Maybe I read it, maybe I lived it; No matter the case, it's there. It just only comes out when it's needed, or I'm reminded, and then it's like I knew it all along."

"I see," Byakuya said thoughtfully, "So the episodes aren't memories? They are you being reminded?"

"Oh no. THOSE, like in the chamber, are memories," she clarified, "This was memory in a general sense. Knowledge that sat stagnant until I needed it, I guess. Most are not an experience or firsthand view. I don't know how I know these things, just that I know."

"Regardless, your resourcefulness is impressive," he intoned respectfully, bending down to inspect the specks of herbs lending the snow on Renji's back a green tint, "Snow where there is no snow, items from the world of the living…"

"Shaved ice was close enough, I assumed," Mara said ruefully.

"Hence the snow factory next door?"

"Yes."

"This was a lot to arrange so quickly," Byakuya murmured.

"I have good people," Mara said.

"And no budget?" Byakuya asked with a raised brow in her direction, expecting some ire.

Mara just shrugged and yawned. "Money talks," she admitted, "Unfortunately, so will Shuuhei when he sees what I have done to his accounts but it's worth it."

"Have someone from your squad compile a tab for Abarai's care," Byakuya said offhandedly, "I'll deliver it with what I owe Captain Hisagi."

"You know I would care for him even- Wait," Mara stopped, eyes flashing up to Byakuya, "what you owe?"

"For your care, yes," Byakuya said dryly, "As my ward, I am responsible for your living expenses and care. I am woefully overdue. I will deliver the funds tomorrow."

Mara looked up at him, biting back tears, as she opened and closed her mouth in an effort to find words. Finally, she managed to choke out, "I will let Shuuhei know that you are paid off when he awakes." She dared not say more. She knew this was Byakuya's cover for helping in a way he knew he could. She would let him keep his mask.

Answering with only a nod, Byakuya turned to leave before stopping to look over his shoulder at the girl. She was puttering between the three men now, checking their IV's and inserting a syringe into the tubes.

"Captain Kuchiki," she said over her shoulder to him without turning, "Thank you for taking the time to talk with me."

"Perhaps I shall not wait so long to do so next time," he answered before breezing out the door.

Finding Unohana in the lobby, he was surprised to see her face to face with Mayuri. While his golden eyes licked like fire, face contorted in rage, she was the epitome of placid. Something about her rietsu bore anything but calm however, Byakuya noticed as it creeped through the room with the intent of a serpent ready to strike.

"I will check on my experiment and you will not stop me!" Mayuri screeched, leveling a bony finger with Unohana's smiling face, "I am not scared of you!"

"That is, perhaps, because you are insane," Byakuya said drolly, striding up with a frown.

"I am allowed to check on my results," Mayuri hissed, glaring at the newcomer.

"In my division, he is a patient," Unohana said patiently, "According the talks on the Sogyoku, your experiment was to see if he would run away or loyally stay. He did not run. Your experiment is concluded."

As Mayuri sputtered in anger, Byakuya couldn't help but hide a smile. "Perhaps he could go back to check on the espada," Byakuya said in a conciliatory tone, ignoring the equally hopeful and spiteful looks levied his way, "If to conclude his experiment, he removes the sekki-seki cuffs."

With a small smile, Unohana turned back to Mayuri, "That I would allow," she told him gracefully.

Not bothering to answer, Mayuri spun on his heel and disappeared out the door in a huff.

"It was worth a try," Byakuya said.

"A try for something I did not expect you to pull for," Unohana told him softly, "Why are you trying to aid the espada."

_I'm not, _Byakuya thought mirthlessly, _I am trying to aid my lieutenant. I cannot fix him with a broken girl._

"My reasons are my own," he said, meeting Unohana's questioning gaze.

"Very well, Captain Kuchiki," she replied, folding her arms in her sleeves, "but thank you for keeping him in check."

"I've no doubt you were fully capable on your own," Byakuya said placidly, "there is no need to thank me."

"Perhaps," Unohana said thoughtfully, "but if captains like him are left to their own devices and old ways, I feel that the only thing we will succeed in proving is how to create an enemy where there wasn't one before."

"She is not so far gone yet," Byakuya replied, thinking over his and Mara's surprisingly enlightening conversation.

"Then there is hope," Unohana said finally, turning to retreat back into the winding hallways of the hospital.

.

.

No sooner had Mara sat on the stool to survey her charges did she hear a large splat followed by a deep, echoing growl.

Grimmjow.

Heaving a sigh, Mara raised herself to her feet and hauled out the bucket. Scooping more snow onto his back, Mara gently stroked his vibrant hair up away from his neck and the snow.

"You've got to stop doing that, Makenai Hito," she whispered, "The vibrations are shaking off the snow."

With her gentle ministrations and soft whispers at his ear, Grimmjow's gasped breaths slowed to a low purr and finally the deep sighs of sleep.

Waiting for a moment to see if the snow pack would be needed again, Mara hauled the bucket back to the freezer. Shutting the lid, she grabbed an empty bucket to go fill with more snow to mix.

Splat.

Mara couldn't help but drop her head with a groan, bracing her weary arms on the freezer before flinging it back open. Hauling out the bucket Mara looked for where she was needed now.

Hisagi again. His was sloughing off the mixture more often than others, so she laid her hand against his head to check for a fever. He seemed clear but she knew it would be better to actually check. Turning and rifling through drawers until she found a thermometer, she was started to see Hisagi's clouded eyes open and looking at her when she turned back.

"You are supposed to be sleeping, Otto," she crooned gently as she held the thermometer up to his forehead.

"And you- were- supposed- to run," he sighed out gasping.

"I know," she whispered to him, "I almost did. Then Grimmjow found a new solution."

Hisagi could do more than look at her in clouded confusion.

"It's a long story, Otto, but it's over now. It's all done." Satisfied with the reading on the thermometer, Mara tucked it in the pocket of the coat she wore and settled herself in front of Hisagi who jerked as if trying to reach for her.

"You can't move, Otto," she instructed him, glad that she had tied his injured arm down, "All that is left now is to heal. I'm not going anywhere."

Hisagi only looked at her, his head slightly shaking. "Done?" he managed to choke out after a minute.

"Done," she assured, "Now rest."

Hisagi again gave her that clouded pleading stare that hurt her heart.

"Do you need more meds to sleep?" she asked gently, combing her fingers through his hair before trailing them gently down his face.

"Hurts… Koi…" he slurred.

"I know," she replied sorrowfully, "I know, Shuu." Pulling another syringe of sedative from her pocket, she slowly pushed it into Hisagi's IV. Hearing his sigh of relief as the medicine hit his system, Mara kept stroking his hair and face until his eyes fluttered shut.

Hauling the snow back to the freezer again, Mara eyed the empty bucket. She just knew as soon as she left the room, they would need her.

Right now, she just needed to be here. Around these three men… she could be herself. She was cherished and trusted- perhaps to a fault. In this triangle of heartbreak, there was the only seed of hope she had in this world. It was a painful revelation to see where that hope had landed them all. Malicious captains, mysterious strangers... God knew what hell awaited them next. What if- what if this was only the beginning? What would she do if she lost one of them? What we she do if they all stayed?

In the silence, only interspersed by the dripping of melting snow and deep, labored breathing, Mara finally buried her head in her hands and wept.


	46. Chapter 45: These Sorrows That I've Seen

New chapter, new struggles, new -wait what? lol enjoy! Stay safe guys.

Soundtrack for the beginning and second half definitely is Breaking Benjamin- Unknown Soldier

**Chapter 45**

_I'm dead, _Renji thought as he cracked one eye open to see the purple sky still firmly in place, _I'm dead and I'm in hell._

[You deserve to be in hell.]

Renji winced as Rukia's harsh voice, laden with pain and anger seemed to scream at him from all sides. He clamped his hands over his ears and squeezed his eyes shut, only to let out a roar of agony and pain like fire coursed over his back.

[You think that can stop me?]

Her voice mocked him.

[I'm in your head,] it sing-songed, [I AM your mind.]

This wasn't just pain. His back and the unhealing slashes were pain- but this wasn't just pain. This was utter anguish. Surrounded by her eyes where once blue skies had been his salvation. Belittled by a voice that had once held warmth. Betrayed by a body that had once been so strong.

[You really are a hopeless case,] her voice echoed again, [Poor, pitiful Renji. Too afraid to do anything to help yourself. Rukia destroyed this… Byakuya caused that… YOU locked yourself in here!]

Renji gritted his teeth harder against the noise of her voice that drowned out even the shrieking hollows that seemed to wheel in the sky just out of his vision. Couldn't one just come down and end his misery?

[They will never save you, Renji,] the voice was almost sweet, [Nothing can save you from your own guilt. You are hopeless. Pathetic.]

_Mara… Ippin… _"I did this for her!" he yelled back at nothing, "That's not pathetic! That's love!"

[Love for someone who doesn't love you? Who never will? Ha!] Rukia laughed, [Not only are you a dog that can't jump, but it looks like you only know one trick, too.]

"Shut up," he mumbled, closing his eyes tighter.

[She will never love you, she will never love you.] Rukia's voice sang at him.

"She will," Renji argued, "She may still, she just doesn't know it."

[Sad, sad Renji. She has had enough memories; she knows how she used to feel. She just doesn't want you.]

"SHUT UP!" Renji roared, jolting with a hiss of pain.

[This is your hell,] Rukia's voice came calmly, [You make this place, and I can only say what you already know.]

"Lies," Renji whimpered, curling into a ball on the stone courtyard of the café, now empty and devoid of life save for him and the hollows circling like vultures. "All you did was lie to me."

Renji closed his eyes, trying to will away the nightmares around him with images of Mara's face and the sound of her laugh. Slowly he relaxed, forgetting Rukia as he pictured the café where he lay as it used to be. Blue skies. Ippin.

[WAKE UP!]

Renji started with a jump that uncurled his tall body and landed him on his back with a scream of pain.

[That's more like it!] Rukia laughed out, [You don't get to escape! How many years did you torture me with promises of help and care just to fail? I'm going to give it right back with interest!]

Renji clamped his hands over his ears and his eyes shut as if it could save him from the echoing laughter and unending pain.

This was most definitely hell.

.

.

Bracing her hands on Grimmjow's bedframe, Mara took another deep breath and closed her eyes. Would the insanity never end, she wondered as she tossed yet another empty syringe of sedative into the open bin across the room.

Hobbling with the effort it took just to move, she went to grab the thermometer to do Hisagi's next temperature check. He was wavering between having a low-grade fever or not and she was worried about infection. At least he was healing some, scabbing over, and would come to consciousness in between pain meds.

Renji's now familiar rietsu pulsed against her, reminding her of the one who had yet to wake up. The only indication that something was working in his mind was the ebb and flow of his rietsu as it played along to something in his mind. His body was healing well, if not better, than Hisagi's but there seemed to be no hope in waking him. He had to do that himself.

Grimmjow's echoing growl reverberated through the room, but a glance showed Mara that he was indeed still asleep. It was a relief. Every time his eyes opened, they were more wild. He seemed nearly feral this last time as he couldn't manage to even get out words, but followed her every move with disconcerting focus, straining against the bandages she had tightened around his limbs to keep him still to heal.

Making her way across the room, Mara winced as her back and knees emitted a series of painful pops.

**Beep! Beep! Beep!**

It was just a brief moment but Mara caught herself standing still and looking for the machine emitting the noise. It wasn't one of these IV machines, was it? Just to reassure herself, she did another quick round of the room, making sure that all the IV machines were fine… but she could swear that she had heard beeping and the room had dimmed for a moment.

_Weird._

Settling herself on her trusty stool, this time next to Renji's bed, Mara leaned her head on the mattress and began tracing the tattoos up his forearm and bicep until his rietsu waned again. Her touch seemed to ease him in some way, or at least she hoped it did. Mara could feel her eyes closing against her will as she inhaled the scent of cinnamon that somehow still clung to the large man.

No sooner had her eyes closed than she popped back upright to the sound of approaching footsteps in the hallway. Wiping the fatigue from her eyes, she sat up straight and ready. She never seemed to know who was going to walk through that door, but Captain Unohana had been an excellent gatekeeper. She would have to thank her for that.

Mara's posture relaxed and she let out a sigh as Kira and Mei rounded the doorway. What looked an awful lot like pity was painted on their features and Mara rolled her eyes.

"I don't know why you are looking at me like that when they are the ones who are hurt," she quipped dryly.

"It's not pity," Kira said directly, taking in the dark shadows around Mara's eyes, "It's concern."

"Again-," Mara started, completing her statement with a broad sweep of her arm at the men around her.

Mei looked on worriedly as Mara leaned back against Renji's bed. She had easily dropped five pounds in the last days and looked ready to keel over. Her hair was unruly, her face gaunt.

"Mara-sama," Mei asked softly, "when was the last time you slept."

"I don't know," Mara said exasperated, blowing a rogue strand of hair off her face, "Yesterday sometime. I'm fine."

"You mean that 12-minute catnap that you took on your stool against a wall until you fell off of it?" Kira asked, sarcasm heavy in his tone, "That is not sleeping."

"You are running yourself ragged, Mara-sama," Mei admonished, "you have been at this with them for five days straight. You need to sleep."

"But they-"

"They will be fine," Kira assured her.

"No," Mara said, rising to her feet, "They are not fine. Renji and Hisagi are healing but Hisagi seems to be fighting a fever. Renji hasn't woken up at all! On the flip side, Grimmjow isn't healing, but he wakes up every hour like a beast. There isn't enough sedative in this world for him and we don't why. So, no, I can't just stop and sleep. I have to take care of them. I have to find out what's going on with Grimm and somehow reach Renji. If all you are here to do is tell me to sleep then-"

"Koi," came a mumble from Hisagi's bed, followed by a hiss as he turned his head to face the trio, "go to sleep. You won't be able to help any of us if you die of exhaustion."

"That is not a thing," Mara snapped back.

"It is," Hisagi groaned, "Go to sleep."

Mara blinked at him. "You are the one who should be sleeping," she said softly.

"I do," he sassed back.

"Shuu, I've got to-"

"I heard," he said wryly, "It's the cuffs."

"What?" Mara asked blinking at him again.

"Grimmjow," he explained, closing his eyes as he spoke, "The cuffs are sapping all his power. He can't heal or absorb reishi and the hollow in him is getting hungry. Mayuri used to torture him like that when he was a prisoner. That's how he got the scars."

"Oh shit," Mara breathed, turning to look at Kira and Mei, "We need to find a way to get those off of him. Right now."

"They can do it," Hisagi sighed, struggling to stay up, "You sleep. Now."

"You heard him, Mara," Kira said with a frown, "We can take care of the men, get someone to communicate with Mayuri, and you go find a bed and sleep."

"I'm not leaving them," Mara said stubbornly.

"Mara-"

"Kira! I am NOT leaving them," she cut him off.

"You are impossible," Mei said, stomping out of the room, reappearing a moment later pushing yet another hospital bed. Wordlessly she pushed Hisagi's bed and IV over and shoved the new bed in the middle of the room next to Mara before sliding Hisagi back in place.

"That… will work," Mara stammered out in response to Mei's pointed look and raised brow.

"Good," Hisagi sighed, cracking open his storm cloud eyes for just a moment, "Now sleep."

"Yes, sir," Mara whispered as she bent to kiss his cheek, earning a soft smile.

Her eyes were already falling closed just with the turning off of the lights as Mei donned a coat and armed herself with syringes of sedatives and pain killers. Climbing under the sheet, Mara was out like a light before Kira had even turned to rush away.

.

.

Mara stared around the strange, yet eerily familiar empty streets of the dark city. Every time she had managed to snag a short nap, she had wound up here. The signs around the city were written in Japanese, but no lights were on, no neon glowed in welcome. The sky was black and starless, but she could see what looked like the edge of sunrise off to the east.

Each time she had tried to wander and explore but was stopped in her tracks by the most horrendous sounds. From earth-shaking landings to shrieks that grated like gravel, it became very clear, very quickly, that monsters were hiding in the darkness. Standing still didn't help either as scuttling and screams seemed to approach from all sides. So, this time, Mara began walking toward the light.

The shuffling and growls followed her, seeming to gain ground as she fled toward the safety of the sunrise. Breaking into a run, Mara could feel her lungs burning. The shrieks grew louder, and she pushed harder, until finally she burst through a hedgerow into blessed sun and silence.

Her labored panting couldn't stop Mara from gasping as she saw the picturesque view of the café terrace overlooking the river. The sun barely pierced the edge of the horizon, washing the whole sky in a lovely lavender. The still air made the world seem to be holding its breath in anticipation of her approval of the beauty hidden from the masses of danger outside.

The colors were so vibrant and bright against the night she had just come from that it painted the world in chiaroscuro. Her eyes almost hurt taking in the brightness- purple sky, green grass and trees, white terrace, blue café, blood red figure…

Squinting, Mara slowly walked up to the café as she examined the red heap on the ground. She froze as the figure moved, peering with dark eyes in her direction. She could recognize that color, that look, anywhere.

Blood red. Piercing eyes. Remember.

"Oh… FUCK!" Mara yelled, breaking into a sprint, "Renji!"

Drawing closer, she could see Renji's eyes widen before he covered his face with his hands and curling in on himself with an audible moan.

"No… no," he mumbled as she dropped to her knees beside him.

"Fuckin'- shit!" she stuttered, "what the hell happened?"

"Nh-nn," Renji seemed to grumble to himself, shaking his head with his face still covered, "No no no no no…"

"Renji, shh, it's okay," Mara tried to whisper to him gently, sweeping his hair from his face, "What happened? Why are you like this?"

"Ha!" Renji finally let out a sardonic laugh though his hands stayed put, "Happened? This is hell. Welcome to hell."

"Renji," Mara cooed, sliding her legs under his head to support it so she could gently try to pry his hands from his face, "the outskirts of your little town here may be creepy but how is this hell? And why is your back bleeding again?"

"Fuck my back!" Renji exclaimed, finally dropping his hands to look up at Mara with wild eyes, "What's my name?!"

"A-Abarai Renji," she stammered, "I've been saying if for-"

But Mara couldn't finish her sentence over Renji's loud cough of a laugh- or was it a sob? "No! Please," he said in desperation, "What do you call me?"

"Renji," Mara replied brow furrowed in confusion.

Closing his eyes in surrender, Renji let out a shuddering sigh. "Yup, hell." Despite his harsh tone and hopeless words, Mara noticed that it didn't keep him from clinging to her, arm wrapped around her hips and knees so that she couldn't move from under him.

"How does my calling you Renji make this hell?" she asked gently, running her nails through the roots of his hair and feeling his gasping breath start to slow.

"Only in hell could even my imagination make a you that doesn't remember me," he said sorrowfully, finally dropping his hands, though his eyes stayed shut.

Mara couldn't help but be even more confused as she looked around at this world then down at her own hands. She was real all right… was this world not?

"Renji, this isn't hell," she whispered gently to him as she stroked his hair and traced the tattoos that lead back from his forehead.

"Don't call me that then," he grumbled.

"Then what am I supposed to call you?" Mara asked him gently.

"That is why this is definitely hell," Renji said firmly, squeezing her closer even as he grimaced in pain with the movement.

[Told you she doesn't love you,] Rukia seemed to whisper in his ear, as though his Ippin could overhear, [she doesn't care].

Growling at the air, Renji grasped her tighter under him, ignoring the searing pain in favor of whatever false comfort this hallucination could give him.

"Easy there, big guy," she warned him as she delicately pushed on his shoulders to get him to ease without touching his macerated back.

"Don't call me that either. God dammit!" Frustrated, Renji turned his face into her lap. How could she not know? He had imagined her here, some respite from the torture but this… this was more of the same.

"Stop that!" Mara scolded him, opting to push on his biceps instead in an attempt to slacken his iron hold, "You are asleep, dammit, not in hell. And back in that world, I am desperately trying to heal you. Quit fucking up your back even more!"

Renji's eyes flew open and he slanted a look up at Mara's annoyed face. "Asleep?" he questioned, incredulous of this apparition's apparent knowledge of the world.

"Yes," she huffed with a smile, "Asleep. I have been wondering how to wake you up since you have been out for five freaking days, but now I know you are _here_, so… wake up."

[Yeah, wake up, Abarai.}

"Shut up… Liar," Renji said with a disgruntled snort. That couldn't be true. She was just a figment of his own psyche here in hell, how would she know?

Mara's encouraging smile dropped from her face replaced with a downturned frown. "I do not lie."

"You used to not," he agreed gruffly, watching closely to see if the girl he imagined would slip up. What else should he expect from this apparent infernal nightmare but for even this small bright spot to not really be his Ippin.

To his surprise, Mara furrowed her brow in thought, face growing somber. "That's true," she said quietly, "It's hard not to use it as some kind of defense mechanism in Soul Society, even if I only really fall in the lies of omission area."

"Why are you being so damn candid, now?" he asked her, doubt still slanting his words into a snarl.

"Because I am trying to help you," Mara said automatically, though her eyes didn't reach his and he squeezed her again to get her attention. "Stop that," she ordered with a stern look.

"Why?"

"I just told you that I am trying to help you!" Mara lectured, "Five days, Renji. Five days I have been laboring over these damn lash injuries just for you to muss them up. I'll be lucky to save any fucking skin, let alone even a semblance of your tattoos."

"Why would it matter?" he asked softly, reaching to grab her wrist and pull it in front of his eyes. His face was somber and painted in pain as he flicked his eyes to her and ran his thumb over the small design that she had put there for him. "You used to know all my tattoos. Now you only know this bit."

Reaching over to his bicep, Mara began tracing the designs slowly up to his shoulder. "I still know them," she told him, "I've actually drawn them since I've been in Soul Society. I just didn't know that I knew them so well until I saw you take your top off at the post."

Renji simply raised his eyebrow in doubt.

"Seriously," Mara said, pitching her voice in an attempt to convince him that she could speak the truth. "This line goes to your chest," she said distractedly, following a bold stroke until it disappeared under him and back, "and this one led to the patterns across your back and would curve up here- Shit!"

Mara yanked her hand away as she realized she had accidently drug her finger across the edge of his wound. "I'm sorry, I was looking at you not my hand!" she tried to explain to a confused looking Renji, "I didn't mean to poke your- did it hurt?"

"Nooo…" Renji drew out, "Nothing hurt."

"What?" Mara questioned, echoing his confusion as she looked at her fingers, expecting blood on them. There was none. Gingerly leaning forward, Mara peered at the edge of where she touched and gasped.

"What is it?" Renji grumbled.

With a featherlight touch, Mara gently ran just the tip of her finger over the black-inked skin that had appeared where she had touched. The edge of his destroyed tattoo. "It… it came back?" she said, mostly to herself, "it's like it healed when I touched it."

"Well, shit, do it again!" Renji ordered, arching up so that her fingers slid across more of the torn flesh before he gasped in pain and Mara pulled away her bloody hand.

"Oh my god, Renji, do you think before you act?" Mara squeaked, rubbing her now bloody fingers on her shirt to clean them off.

"Not generally," Renji said wryly, "and don't call me that. Why didn't it work? If you are a figment of my imagination, it should work when I order it to."

"Maybe I'm not your imagination," Mara said sarcastically, "and I think… I think it healed because I was remembering. I think it used that power."

"Uh-huh," Renji grunted before mumbling to himself, "Not a real person, not a real power. Just hell playing with my hope again."

"Stubborn ass," Mara pointedly whispered, "Now stay still."

Starting at his bicep again, Mara began tracing the design as it led to his back, letting her muscles guide her through well known strokes instead of her mind. The interlocking but separate design, the long lines and stripes… She closed her eyes and felt the warmth of her rietsu flowing into her fingertips and let it carry her and her movements.

Renji let out a long but quiet sigh of relief. Imagination or not, this Ippin was bringing sweet relief and he struggled not to stretch and flex as the pain ebbed leaving a dull tingle in its wake. His eyes shot open and he looked up to see Mara's face peaceful but taut in concentration. Swirls of blue and green lifted tendrils of her hair in an ethereal dance and he could practically smell the ocean as her rietsu pushed against him in gentle waves. This was her rietsu. Was this only a dream? Could she be real in his dream or did he just remember this feeling that well?

Slowly Mara opened her eyes and surveyed her work. There were still patched of destroyed flesh but the tattoos and skin around them were bold and healed in place. "It's better," she told him encouragingly, "There's still patches where there aren't tattoos that I- they still need to heal but we saved the art."

"So you do remember," Renji said lowly catching her hand as it combed through his hair.

"Not in full I don't," she shot him a sad look before looking over the water, "but I know those marks. I know them better than I even know myself some days."

Close your eyes," he told her, earning a wary look, "I just want to try something."

With a sigh, Mara gave him a small nod and closed her eyes. Loosening his hold on her hand, Renji gently guided her finger's into stroking through the long strands of his hair where they splayed across her lap.

"Keep doing that," he said softly, releasing her hands.

"Is this just a way to get me to play with your hair?" Mara quipped cracking an eye to look down at Renji's peaceful yet pensive face.

"No, now shut your eyes," he said with annoyance, "just keep doing that."

Obligingly, Mara sat in silence with him, running her fingers through his long hair. Eventually she brought her other hand up to comb to until she split a small section of his hair for braiding. Renji's deep rumble of approval and tight squeeze when her nails raked his scalp made her smile.

**"Did you like that?" she asked him with a giggle, pulling gently on the strand of hair she held.**

Careful to monitor his response to 'play along' as he had learned, Renji turned a crooked smile at Mara, whose eyes were glowing above him. Bingo. "You know I do," he told her in a sultry groan.

**Looking over the water, Mara luxuriated at the feel of the sun's warmth on her face. The bright sky seemed to reflect off Renji's vibrant hair spread over her lap from where his head rested. This was the life.**

**In a comfortable silence, they could just enjoy each other. With childlike joy, she began to braid his red hair, marveling at its tone as it slipped over her fingers and tried to weave with her own bright blue curl that had slipped over her shoulder.**

Surreptitiously, Renji looked up to see Mara's eyes far away and distant as she looked down at him, despite her rapid braiding. Granted, he was hoping that leading her down the track of remembering the feel of him could lead to her finishing the healing, for her ease as much as his, but Renji couldn't help the hope that welled in him. It wasn't hard to connect the dots to the type of memory she was in now, but which one was the question. How far would this carry her?

**"I know you don't like it, but the sunrise here really is beautiful," Mara said thoughtfully, "but there is something amazing about the shining sky in the morning. It puts you in technicolor."**

**Slowly pulling out the braid she had finished, Mara let her hand drift from the ends of his hair, over his strong shoulders to his back in his undershirt. **

**"I still think it's crazy that this gigai perfectly matches you," she said as she followed the slightly exposed scrollwork at the top of his back.**

_I remember that morning, _Renji thought, _as if I could forget any of them. _Carefully, he sat up, making sure to not give away the pain of the unhealed spots with an extra sound. Waiting a second, he lowered himself back to her lap and spread his hair out again.

**"What are you doing!" Mara squeaked as Renji sat up and divested of his shirt in one smooth movement before settling himself back down, head in her lap and arms wrapped loosely around her hips. "They will arrest you for indecency?"**

"That's not a thing," Renji said with a smug smile. Mara's hand was already retracing the tattoos at his shoulder before smoothing over his back, taking pain with it.

**"It is so a thing."**

**Her argument was less than convincing, however, as she was distracted by the perfection of the man reclining next to her. His skin seamed to gleam in the light and Mara was drawn to touch. The scent of cinnamon washed over her as she traced his bold tattoos and then stroked down the taut muscles in his back. At his answering groan of approval, she began to knead down his spine as much as her weakened fingers could.**

"You'll wear yourself out, Ippin," Renji warned her, his concern real as he wondered how much power she was outputting for him to continue this but he didn't know how to get her out of it. Or if he really wanted to.

**"Worth it," she said with a wry grin, "I find I can't get enough of you so I may as well keep going until I drop."**

**"Get a room!"**

**Mara and Renji both turned a glare on the passing teenager that had called them out before they both busted out laughing. Raising himself back up, looking every inch the feral beast with his toned body on display and spark in his eye, Renji leaned forward on one arm, reaching up to cup her jaw with the other.**

**"We should definitely do what he suggested," Renji told her, bringing his mouth a hairs breadth from hers."**

**"Definitely," Mara said with a small nod bringing her lips to his in the briefest of presses.**

**"Ippin," he nearly growled.**

"Mara," Renji said breathlessly. Why the hell was he trying to jog her out of her stupor now? Renji cursed himself even as he knew it was the right thing to do. "Mara!"

With a snap, the amber in her eyes jolted to normal and her rietsu cleared the area. Mara looked frantically around with her eyes before she realized that Renji still held her jaw and was only inches away.

"Really!?" Mara raged at him, yanking her chin from his grasp, "Well played, Renji, you almost got there. I am legitimately trying to help you and you-"

Face darkening, it was Renji's turn to cut her off with a scowl. "I," he emphasized, "did get there! Fucking look!"

With that he turned to show her his back. Fresh new skin covered the expanse of it, completely healed from her probative touch carrying from memory to the present.

Mara's harsh words died on her lips as she saw what he had actually been building her to. "Holy shit," she whispered as she ran her fingertips over the smooth skin, causing Renji to stiffen and goosebumps to spread from her touch.

"That was my thought to," he agreed softly, remaining still for her explanation, "other than the one where I deliberately broke the memory to keep you from doing something I know you'll regret."

Mara stopped her perusal in its track, her palm resting cool against his hot skin. Why could she only seem to expect the worst from him, she wondered, when time again he proved himself. Brave, gentle, strong, caring, and above all in it for her. Why did she keep maligning him?

"I'm sorry," she whispered sliding up closer to his back. Tentatively, she rose to her knees, accommodating for his height, and wrapped her arms around his shoulders from the back in a hug. "I shouldn't doubt you at his point… I know I shouldn't," she began in a nervous ramble, "I just- I don't- I keep expecting you to just keep taking from me in some way like everyone else here and I don't know why. I just got so angry because I thought- but you weren't. And maybe I was angry at me because I was so outraged over something that I think I actually- Dammit! I-"

"Ippin," Renji said lowly, stopping her tangent as he turned his head, landing his lips directly next to hers again as he held her arms in place with a hand, "'Something you actually' what?"


End file.
